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00:01:30and sports fans everywhere.
00:01:33Today we inaugurate the 20th annual Transcontinental Road Race.
00:01:38Today, the five bravest young men and women in this bravest of nations
00:01:46will risk their lives in the greatest sporting event since the days of Spartacus.
00:01:52Three days hence, a new American champion will be crowned.
00:01:58For all the world to behold, in awe, in respect, in fear.
00:02:05All right, all right.
00:02:07This is Junior Bruce, your buddy, buddy, and mine.
00:02:11And I'll be giving you the blow-by-blow, play-by-play
00:02:14when the kings and queens of the open road roar onto the track.
00:02:19Do I hear the sound of engines?
00:02:21It's Calamity Jane Kelly, queen of the road,
00:02:25at the wheel of that mean old ornery stud boy.
00:02:33Zaney Janey, winner of this year's trials at Watkins Glen,
00:02:36placed second in 1998 and led in last year's second lap
00:02:40until she went out with gear trouble.
00:02:43Her fans and lovers everywhere wish Janey better luck this year.
00:02:47My fans can wish me all the luck they want.
00:02:50If my luck with my lovers gets any better, I'll miss the race completely.
00:02:53Isn't that right, Pete?
00:02:56At the start of the race, only a heartthrob away,
00:02:59this is Grace Pander on the spot, as usual,
00:03:03to welcome the greatest racer of all time
00:03:06and a very dear friend of mine.
00:03:09Yes, in just a moment, he will be coming through the doors.
00:03:21There is no cause for alarm.
00:03:23The patient has been flown in from abroad in a state of suspended animation
00:03:27in order to facilitate the healing of his recent limb transplants.
00:03:31He should be coming around any moment now.
00:03:46Frankenstein, can you give me an exclusive?
00:03:49How are things abroad?
00:03:51How is Mr. President? Is he still in Moscow?
00:03:54Mr. President is in his summer palace in Peking.
00:04:00He loves everybody.
00:04:02And everybody loves him.
00:04:07Here she is, that adorable swastika sweetheart,
00:04:11Matilda the Hun from Milwaukee,
00:04:15and her lovable Nazi navigator, Herman the German Fox.
00:04:30Matilda, Herman, do you think this is your turn
00:04:33to be first and foremost in sunny California?
00:04:36Today, California.
00:04:38Tomorrow, the world.
00:04:39Bye, Herman.
00:04:41I hope your buzz bomb has a little more juice in its warhead this year.
00:04:50Whoever named your car the Bull was only half right.
00:04:55Frankenstein, will Mr. President fly in to crown the winner of the race?
00:04:59Yes.
00:05:00Is it true that with your new mechanical arm,
00:05:02you can shift gears in less than a twentieth of a second?
00:05:05Would you care to comment on that?
00:05:07No.
00:05:08How do you feel about going into the race with a navigator you've never met?
00:05:12You'll love Annie. She's a red-hot sexpot.
00:05:15She better be a red-hot navigator.
00:05:20No more questions.
00:05:22It's the Lion.
00:05:23And at the wheel, Ray Nero the Hero Lotigan.
00:05:28Never has finished the Transcontinental,
00:05:30but three big wins in the provinces this season,
00:05:33plus a brand new beast,
00:05:35means Nero's not fiddling around.
00:05:38Sit still, Cleopatra, and stop blocking me.
00:05:42My fans want to see me.
00:05:44They've never seen a has-been before?
00:05:54Annie Smith?
00:05:55Mr. Frankenstein.
00:05:57I've checked out the car and everything seems perfect.
00:06:00I have the route maps right here.
00:06:02I will check them in a minute.
00:06:06We will roll when everything seems perfect to me.
00:06:12I've packed some high-protein capsules
00:06:15and as many adrenaline tablets as I could find.
00:06:18And I've also assembled a medical kit,
00:06:20just in case.
00:06:21I'm trained as a nurse.
00:06:23I don't need a nurse.
00:06:24I need a navigator.
00:06:26Mr. Frankenstein,
00:06:28you're very good at what you do,
00:06:30and I'm very good at what I do.
00:06:33We'll see.
00:06:37And you know,
00:06:38there's only one person who guns an engine like that.
00:06:42It's gotta be the roughest, tough guy of them all,
00:06:46Machine Gun Joe Viterbo!
00:06:52Here he comes, Machine Gun Joe.
00:06:55Loved by thousands, hated by millions.
00:06:58Only living previous winner except for Frankenstein.
00:07:01Highest lifetime score after Frankenstein,
00:07:04and he's certainly getting the welcome he deserves.
00:07:11Joe doesn't look too happy,
00:07:13but you just can't keep those Frankenstein fans down.
00:07:18Lousy sons of bitches.
00:07:20Frankenstein!
00:07:21Give it to them, Joe!
00:07:23More Frankenstein!
00:07:25I'll give you Frankenstein!
00:07:29I did it!
00:07:31Here he comes! Here he comes!
00:07:33Frankenstein!
00:07:35Frankenstein the legend!
00:07:37Frankenstein the indestructible!
00:07:40Sole survivor of the titanic pileup of 95.
00:07:43Only two-time winner of the transcontinental road race.
00:07:47Frankenstein!
00:07:48Ripped up, wiped out,
00:07:50battered, shattered, creamed and reamed.
00:07:53A dancer on the brink of death.
00:07:56Frankenstein, who lost a leg in 98,
00:07:59an arm in 99.
00:08:01With half a face and half a chest
00:08:03and all the guts in the world, he's back.
00:08:07God only knows what he looks like under that mask,
00:08:10but he is back.
00:08:12In the name of Mr. President,
00:08:14America loves you, Frankenstein!
00:08:27You will regret that, Joe.
00:08:35Stay tuned, racing fans.
00:08:37T-Video satellite will bring every mile
00:08:40of thrills and spills into your living room.
00:08:43All five cars are in starting position
00:08:45here at New York Memorial Raceway,
00:08:47ready to roll.
00:08:49Now, we take you to the Summer Palace
00:08:52and Mr. President.
00:08:55President.
00:09:09My children, whom I love so dearly.
00:09:14It has been my duty in the long and difficult years
00:09:20since the world crash of 79
00:09:23to serve you as best I could.
00:09:27Never before in history have masses
00:09:30forgone all combat
00:09:32so that the spirit of genius might thrive
00:09:35and seek the golden key
00:09:37to a new time of plenty
00:09:39in the fertile field of minority privilege.
00:09:43And now, my children,
00:09:45the drivers are ready, the world is waiting.
00:09:48Once more, I give you what you want.
00:09:53Go!
00:10:05Good morning, Americans.
00:10:07Once again, the race is underway
00:10:09with 12-hour pit stops scheduled
00:10:11at St. Louis and Albuquerque,
00:10:13home of the American Indian Museum.
00:10:16At this very moment, the cars are howling
00:10:19through the streets of Manhattan,
00:10:21but no points have been scored as yet.
00:10:24Take it away, Junior Bruce.
00:10:27They're coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel now
00:10:29with Frankenstein and Joe running neck and neck.
00:10:32Then it's the Lion driven by, passed by,
00:10:35Calamity Jane in the ball,
00:10:37moving into third place.
00:10:51Oh, yeah!
00:11:21Oh, yeah!
00:11:42All right, and hey, hey, hey,
00:11:44the cars have split up.
00:11:46The drivers taking off on their favorite routes.
00:11:49Frankenstein still out in front, headed due west
00:11:52with Nero the hero on his tail,
00:11:54hoping to pick up his leftovers.
00:11:56Calamity Jane's on a northwest hack.
00:11:58Matilda's buzz bomb is trying to catch up
00:12:00with Machine Gun Joe, now streaking southwest.
00:12:04Once again, Mr. President.
00:12:06I have made the United Provinces of America
00:12:10the greatest power in the known universe.
00:12:12I have also given you
00:12:15the most popular sporting event
00:12:17in the history of mankind,
00:12:19the transcontinental road race,
00:12:22which upholds the American tradition
00:12:24of no holds barred.
00:12:27No holds barred.
00:12:30That's how he got to be president.
00:12:32Hypocrite pig, what about our ultimatum?
00:12:35He's been laughing us off for 15 years.
00:12:38Passive resistance means nothing to him.
00:12:40Pick up that flag, young man.
00:12:42It's time for action.
00:12:44It is not a time for violence.
00:12:46Mrs. Payne, I love Annie as much as you do,
00:12:48but she's no match for Frankenstein,
00:12:51and we can't risk letting him get away.
00:12:53Frankenstein is the biggest target in the world
00:12:55and a personal friend of Mr. President's.
00:12:57That, Lieutenant Fury, is exactly why
00:13:00they'll call off the race, to save his life.
00:13:03My granddaughter will succeed.
00:13:05Don't you ever take off that mask?
00:13:07No. Don't you know about my face?
00:13:10I've heard stories.
00:13:13Nobody's ever seen it, have they?
00:13:16Except my other navigators.
00:13:18And they're all dead.
00:13:21So they are.
00:13:26They say you lost most of your jaw
00:13:28in the crack of 92.
00:13:31And my right eye in 95.
00:13:34And my nose and my left eye in 97.
00:13:37Most of my cranium in 98.
00:13:39I'm held together with patches of plastic
00:13:41and steel plates.
00:13:44It's not a pretty sight.
00:13:47You want to see?
00:13:50Why not? I've seen everything else.
00:13:52Remember, you're doing this on your own.
00:13:55I take no responsibility.
00:13:59What'd you expect?
00:14:01Another pretty face?
00:14:07They really love you, Joe.
00:14:10Yeah?
00:14:12Then how come they ain't done it on the road proving it?
00:14:15Hey, you better make this left turn.
00:14:18You'll shave off a bit of your beard.
00:14:21I'll shave off a bit of my beard?
00:14:24Yeah.
00:14:26You better make this left turn.
00:14:28You'll shave off about 2 miles that way.
00:14:30Yeah, all right.
00:14:51All right, all right.
00:14:53Yes, sirree.
00:14:55A clean hit.
00:14:57A perfect hit.
00:14:59And no pain for the target.
00:15:01Too bad the guy was only 38.
00:15:03Just two years older,
00:15:05he'd have been worth three times the points.
00:15:07But for the second year in a row,
00:15:09Machine Gun Joe has splattered the scoreboard first.
00:15:13How'd you like that, huh?
00:15:15Get off of that one, Myra, baby.
00:15:19What's the matter with this engine?
00:15:21Oh, sounds fine to me.
00:15:23Amateurs.
00:15:25Get back there and retard the spark for, uh, three degrees.
00:15:51All right.
00:16:13Glad to see you were able to find your way back.
00:16:17As the cars roar into Pennsylvania,
00:16:21the cradle of liberty,
00:16:23it seems apparent that our citizens
00:16:25are staying off the streets,
00:16:27which may make scoring particularly difficult,
00:16:30even with this year's rule changes.
00:16:33To recap those revisions,
00:16:36women are still worth ten points
00:16:39more than men in all age brackets,
00:16:43but teenagers now rack up 40 points
00:16:47and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points.
00:16:52The big score, anyone, any sex,
00:16:56over 75 years old,
00:16:58has been upped to 100 points.
00:17:02As always,
00:17:04how fast you move determines how long you live.
00:17:12Whoa!
00:17:18Whoa!
00:17:42Whoa!
00:17:48Whoa!
00:17:55A beautiful kill, a neat kill.
00:17:58No calamities for Jane today, no, sir.
00:18:01And you can bet she'll be getting both ears for that one.
00:18:13What is that?
00:18:15Euthanasia day at the geriatrics hospital.
00:18:17They do it every year.
00:18:19Here he comes! He's coming!
00:18:42Yeah!
00:18:48Frankenstein scores!
00:18:50Frankenstein scores at last!
00:18:53But what kind of a score, boys and girls?
00:18:55Just 110 points out of a possible big 700.
00:18:59What do you think about that, Gracie?
00:19:01Well, those doctors, dear friends of mine,
00:19:06have been pretty smug all these years
00:19:08setting up the old folks.
00:19:10Frankenstein must have decided it was their turn.
00:19:13Which only goes to show that even the fearsome Frankenstein
00:19:17has a 100% red-blooded American sense of humor.
00:19:23Annie saved those old people,
00:19:25and she'll deliver Frankenstein.
00:19:28Meanwhile, innocent people are being slaughtered on our highways.
00:19:32They're like Christians being thrown to the gladiators.
00:19:36But just remember, the Christians won.
00:19:39Did they, Mrs. Payne?
00:19:40I take it from your attire
00:19:42that your sabotage operations are being carried out
00:19:45despite my wishes?
00:19:48Mrs. Payne,
00:19:51we're set to hit them with everything we've got.
00:19:54Then in the name of humanity,
00:19:56let Operation Anti-Race begin!
00:20:01How in the hell are we supposed to score in this graveyard?
00:20:04You're the navigator. That's your problem.
00:20:07You better think of something pretty soon,
00:20:09or else you're going to be out on your ass.
00:20:11It isn't my fault everyone scored before us.
00:20:14You should have gone after that Boy Scout camp like I told you.
00:20:17I tried a goddamn Boy Scout camp.
00:20:20You know how fast those Boy Scouts move?
00:20:24Now here's something for your speed.
00:20:27It's got to be at least 200 points.
00:20:30If they scatter, go for the baby and the mother.
00:20:34Come on! Come on!
00:20:37Go for the baby! The baby!
00:20:40That's it.
00:20:42Come get baby.
00:20:44Bye-bye, baby. Hello, 70 points.
00:20:49Hey, I'm off the airs! I'm off the airs!
00:20:52Would you please take your places?
00:20:54Take your places.
00:20:56Grace, I'm with an interview right now.
00:20:58Hello, ladies.
00:21:00Isn't this just the most exciting race in years?
00:21:03I certainly think so.
00:21:05And guess what?
00:21:07I have a surprise for you.
00:21:09Mrs. Rhonda Bainbridge in person.
00:21:12Oh, my God.
00:21:14I have a surprise for you.
00:21:16Mrs. Rhonda Bainbridge in person on my show.
00:21:22The widow of Edward Bainbridge,
00:21:25whom, as we all know,
00:21:27was machine gun Joe Viterbo's first score.
00:21:32Welcome to my home.
00:21:34And may I call you Rhonda?
00:21:36Oh, please do, Mrs. Pander.
00:21:38Are we about ready here?
00:21:40Yeah, just about.
00:21:42We'll have to go right away.
00:21:46As the widow of the race's first score,
00:21:50you have won a high-style two-room apartment
00:21:54in Acapulco.
00:21:56Start the jam!
00:21:59And next year, you will be watching the race
00:22:03on a 50-inch, three-dimensional
00:22:06octophonic team video set...
00:22:09Very impressed, Americans.
00:22:12The execution of the barbarian killer Nero the Hero
00:22:16is the people's greatest honor.
00:22:19And the winner of the race
00:22:21will be the one and only
00:22:24The execution of the barbarian killer Nero the Hero
00:22:27is the people's first stroke
00:22:30against the evil and corrupt regime of Mr. President.
00:22:35I am Thomasina Bain,
00:22:38founder and commander of the Army of the Resistance.
00:22:42For 20 years,
00:22:44Americans have been told when to eat and when to sleep,
00:22:48when to love and when to hate.
00:22:52The age of obedience is over.
00:22:56In the names of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln,
00:23:00and Harry Truman,
00:23:03I call upon you to stand up for your inalienable rights.
00:23:08We declare war upon the bipartisan party,
00:23:11on Mr. President,
00:23:13and on that most inhuman desecration of life and liberty,
00:23:18the transcontinental road rape.
00:23:22I thank you.
00:23:25What the hell was that?
00:23:27I have no information.
00:23:29Is this race still on?
00:23:30I have no information.
00:23:32Well, what do you think?
00:23:33About what?
00:23:34About that speech.
00:23:36And Spice to the race?
00:23:38Spice? They've killed Nero.
00:23:41Yeah, they would have got more points for me.
00:23:43Don't you understand?
00:23:45They've declared war on the race and on you.
00:23:48Aren't you worried?
00:23:49The only thing that worries me is machine gun Joe Viterbo.
00:23:52He's winning all you care about.
00:23:54Yes, it's the only standard of excellence left.
00:24:02Come on, here they come.
00:24:04About finished.
00:24:05Come on.
00:24:10Look at that stupid hole right in the middle.
00:24:13They won't get through there.
00:24:19It's big!
00:24:21Converge from all their routes and head for the first pit stop at St. Louis.
00:24:25Machine gun Joe is still leading the field
00:24:28with Frankenstein second, Calamity Jane third.
00:24:31Leaving Matilda the Hun in fourth position
00:24:33and Calamity Jane facing another Calamity.
00:24:37Right now, Frankenstein's score points put him just ahead of Joe.
00:24:41Hey, get off the road!
00:24:43Jesus, Chrysler! Get off the road!
00:24:46Arriving first in St. Louis.
00:24:48Hey, dummy, come on over and hold the lap.
00:24:59This sucker fits.
00:25:01Where's the one that says welcome Joe Viterbo?
00:25:04Square the center of it, Joe. You need every point you can get.
00:25:12I only mashed him slightly.
00:25:15Put him out of his misery, Joe.
00:25:17Hey, is that fair?
00:25:18Yeah.
00:25:19Hey, should I let him go?
00:25:22Fair's always right.
00:26:12One thing before we begin.
00:26:14The government would like it if nobody said anything about Nero.
00:26:17Understand?
00:26:18He hit a tree and that's it.
00:26:20Got it?
00:26:21We don't want to depress anybody by...
00:26:23Hey, hey.
00:26:24Everybody knows he was blown up by the resistance, you schmuck.
00:26:27It was on television.
00:26:29If you want to drive again next year, Mr. Viterbo,
00:26:32you'll keep those opinions to yourself.
00:26:34Okay, go ahead.
00:26:35This is Grace Pander from St. Louis,
00:26:38where Matilda, a dear friend of mine,
00:26:41is receiving a well-deserved rubdown.
00:26:44Tell me, Tilly darling,
00:26:46what can we expect from you when the cars go back on the road?
00:26:50You can expect a victory.
00:26:52By a member of the master race.
00:26:54A woman.
00:26:55Oh, Tilly darling,
00:26:57that certainly is showing a lot of confidence
00:26:59for someone who's lying fourth out of four.
00:27:02She doesn't mind as long as she's lying somewhere.
00:27:04Look, when I'm through with you, you're gonna be line of state, lady.
00:27:07Listen, miss, if anybody is going to Boothill,
00:27:09it's you and your biz bag.
00:27:10Buzz bomb.
00:27:11Shut up.
00:27:12Look, you just leave my navigator alone.
00:27:14Girls, girls, girls, remember you're on TV land.
00:27:18Pete, how do you like being a navigator?
00:27:20Well, Junior,
00:27:22I'd like it more if I was in the driver's seat.
00:27:26You'll get what's coming to you on the road.
00:27:29Oh, yeah?
00:27:30Well, what's coming to me is to find a solution to the Calgary problem.
00:27:34Frankenstein,
00:27:35can you tell us when you're gonna make your move?
00:27:37Are you gonna take any off-road chances for scores?
00:27:40Or are you driving all out to be first in the new L.A.?
00:27:44It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.
00:27:47Frankenstein, a dear friend of mine,
00:27:49Frankenstein, tell me how it feels
00:27:51when at that electric instant, driving at 200 miles an hour,
00:27:54life and death coexist at the moment of scoring.
00:27:58You stand in the middle of Route 66 tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock.
00:28:02You can answer that question for yourself.
00:28:18What are you doing? Get away from me! Don't go nuts!
00:28:21Just tell him I was whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
00:28:27Tell us what he said to you.
00:28:29Well, Myra, what did Frankenstein have to say to you?
00:28:32He didn't say anything. He didn't...
00:28:34What'd he say?
00:28:35Nothing.
00:28:36What'd he say?
00:28:37Nothing!
00:28:38Look, I'm not playing games with you, Myra. I want to know what he said.
00:28:41He said there was nothing sweet in my ear.
00:28:45In my ear.
00:28:48In my ear.
00:29:01What do you want?
00:29:04My name is Laurie, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:07I'm head of Chapter 7, St. Louis Lovers of Frankenstein.
00:29:10I was chosen from over a hundred girls...
00:29:12You offer me your body? Is that it?
00:29:15You want to make love to me because I drive the monster and wear this costume?
00:29:19No, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:21But that wouldn't be fair to your navigator.
00:29:23It's taken her years of hard work to earn that privilege.
00:29:26Besides, we understand your feelings.
00:29:30What do you know of my feelings?
00:29:34Everything.
00:29:35Like...
00:29:36Like why you're afraid of falling in love.
00:29:39And why winning the race means everything to you.
00:29:43How do you know these things?
00:29:45From my dreams, partly.
00:29:48And from letters I get from other fans.
00:29:51Plus, the club subscribes to an astrology service.
00:29:54Well, if you're not here to offer me your body...
00:29:58I wanted to meet you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:00I wanted you to know who I am.
00:30:03So it would have meaning.
00:30:06I don't understand.
00:30:08So what would have meaning?
00:30:09We love you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:12I know just saying it doesn't mean much.
00:30:14Why do you love me?
00:30:15Because I kill people?
00:30:17Scoring isn't killing, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:19It's part of the race.
00:30:21You're a national hero.
00:30:23And we want you to know we're with you.
00:30:25A hundred percent.
00:30:27Good night, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:42Didn't hear you come in.
00:30:44What were you expecting, machine gun Joe?
00:30:48I thought I could trust you.
00:30:52You really just don't want to give me a chance, do you?
00:30:57I was trying to help you.
00:31:00I'm sorry.
00:31:03You're what?
00:31:08Sorry.
00:31:11He wanted to know our route,
00:31:13so I told him to go down 54 through the Cimarron Valley.
00:31:1954 is a dead end.
00:31:22It leads nowhere.
00:31:24That's right.
00:31:26And if Joe takes it, he's sunk.
00:31:29The only way Joe will take that road
00:31:31is if he sees us do it first.
00:31:33Or if he's ahead of us.
00:31:37Is that the arm that came off the 98?
00:31:40Mm-hmm.
00:31:41And which one of those obviously perfect legs
00:31:46came off the 99?
00:31:48The right.
00:31:50And the left one was just broken in six places
00:31:53and burned down to the bone.
00:31:55Is that right?
00:31:56Mm-hmm.
00:31:58It's a miracle you can still walk.
00:32:03Do you like to dance?
00:32:10Mm-hmm.
00:32:40♪♪♪
00:32:48♪♪♪
00:32:56♪♪♪
00:32:59Those Swiss mechanics sure did a good job on you.
00:33:04What else did they replace?
00:33:08Wait a minute, and I'll show you.
00:33:20Oh, Mr. President,
00:33:22bless thy children and make them strong.
00:33:25Bless thy daughters, Matilda and Jane,
00:33:28and thy son Joe.
00:33:30And bless thy beloved son,
00:33:32the immortal Frankenstein,
00:33:35who has given so much pleasure to so many.
00:33:39What the hell was Frankenstein?
00:33:41What about Joe Venturbo?
00:33:52The flag is down, and they're away
00:33:54with Machine Gun Joe blasting into the lead
00:33:57on this second lap of the great transcontinental road race.
00:34:01Frankenstein is making a left turn straight ahead.
00:34:04He's making a left turn, splitting early from the pack.
00:34:07Look out, all you folks, just south of here.
00:34:09Gee, Joe, there's nobody even close behind us.
00:34:12Shh, shh, shh.
00:34:13Where's he going? What's he doing?
00:34:15Hey, what are you doing? Where are we going?
00:34:18I dropped my glove.
00:34:20Let not the ruin of thy roads
00:34:22disgust the tires of thy...
00:34:24He threw Reisler!
00:34:27Ladies and gentlemen, by a bizarre accident,
00:34:30Frankenstein has killed our cherished colleague,
00:34:33the deacon of the bipartisan party.
00:34:35I think you did that on purpose.
00:34:37I have to give the fans something to talk about.
00:34:40It's my obligation as a national hero.
00:34:43Frankenstein scores now.
00:34:45Does that score count, Harold?
00:34:47An interesting point, Junior,
00:34:50and one that may set a significant precedent.
00:34:53Can a racer score a race official?
00:34:56Oh, and after all those nice things he said about it...
00:34:59It don't matter. It don't count.
00:35:01It's all about his personalities.
00:35:04The word, deacon, has been handed down to us
00:35:07from the ancient...
00:35:09The, uh...
00:35:11Frankenstein's score has been approved for 50 points.
00:35:14The confirmation has just been handed to me.
00:35:17Why, you know what that means, Junior.
00:35:19That means that the race officials from coast to coast
00:35:22will be falling like flies.
00:35:24The Frankenstein sparks, I hate them.
00:35:27I hate them.
00:35:29Elevating.
00:36:00Oh, why did you do that?
00:36:04Show me she loves me.
00:36:11Here they come. Let's get set.
00:36:15Oh, boy.
00:36:17Oh, boy.
00:36:19Oh, boy.
00:36:21Oh, boy.
00:36:23Oh, boy.
00:36:25Oh, boy.
00:36:27Oh, boy.
00:36:42Chicken gang.
00:36:44Chicken in a basket.
00:36:46Chicken in a casket.
00:36:49Chicken in a casket.
00:36:55Oh, shit!
00:37:07Yeah! Hey!
00:37:09Who got the last laugh, huh?
00:37:18The turn-off, it's coming up.
00:37:20Shall I take it?
00:37:21Who gives a goddamn shit?
00:37:23Should I?
00:37:24She says I shouldn't, so I should, right? Or should I? I don't know, what?
00:37:27Well, I don't think you should. I think it's definitely a trick.
00:37:30I'll do it. I won't do it. I'd be a schmuck to do it.
00:37:36I didn't love no schmuck!
00:37:39That's your story!
00:37:41That's right! That's right!
00:37:42If I see you messing with Frankenstein again, I'm really gonna bust your eyes!
00:37:46What do you mean, really?
00:37:57I'll have an almost unlimited score possibility.
00:38:00It's pretty far down the road.
00:38:02District Penitent's compound.
00:38:05All those old congressmen chained up.
00:38:07It'd be like sitting ducks.
00:38:09Yeah, and all I gotta do is drive through a cyclone fence.
00:38:12Uh-uh.
00:38:13Look, the farther west we go, the fewer targets there'll be.
00:38:17Hey, come on. Joe's already on his way to a dead end, and the other two...
00:38:25Okay.
00:38:29Take the next right.
00:38:32Now, as soon as the car gets within range, I shall give the signal.
00:38:36We'll have just under a minute, after they reach the turnoff.
00:38:39Lieutenant Fury figures if we do it...
00:38:41Lieutenant Fury has nothing whatever to do with this.
00:38:44I want none of his surprises here.
00:38:47I could stand for a surprise, like if Frankenstein didn't show up.
00:38:51Don't worry. He'll show.
00:38:56What's our estimated time of arrival in Albuquerque?
00:38:59Well, I'm not sure.
00:39:01I mean, this detour's gonna make a difference.
00:39:03Haven't you calculated our time of arrival?
00:39:05Well, of course I did, but I couldn't take into consideration...
00:39:08Take what into consideration?
00:39:10Frankenstein, stop the car!
00:39:12Hold on.
00:39:17What the hell?
00:39:18Keep going! Don't stop now. What are you doing?
00:39:21What are they doing?
00:39:26Sorry, brother.
00:39:28If that's the best ambush the Resistance can come up with,
00:39:31we've got nothing to worry about.
00:39:33I guess not.
00:39:34One thing I can't figure out...
00:39:36is why would they bother to dress that guy up to look like me?
00:39:39Maybe he was a fan.
00:39:45Who built this stinking road?
00:39:47I don't know.
00:39:48I don't know.
00:39:49I don't know.
00:39:50I don't know.
00:39:51I don't know.
00:39:52I don't know.
00:39:53I don't know.
00:39:54I don't know.
00:39:55Who built this stinking road?
00:39:57If I ever get my hands on him, I'll rip his heart out!
00:40:01I mean it!
00:40:02I'm sick of this race and I'm sick of you!
00:40:10I guess it must have been Joe that set us up for that ambush, don't you think?
00:40:13Got in touch with those guys somehow and told them where we were going?
00:40:16I guess it might have been.
00:40:19But then how the hell did Joe know we were gonna take a detour?
00:40:23Maybe it was those guys on the pit crew in St. Louis.
00:40:26Took your book out of the car while you were getting massaged.
00:40:29I didn't leave my book in the car.
00:40:32You didn't, huh?
00:40:33No.
00:40:35Well, then I guess it couldn't have been them.
00:40:38Who do you think it was?
00:40:39I have no idea.
00:40:41Why do you care as long as they didn't get you?
00:40:43Us.
00:40:44They didn't get us.
00:40:46We're a team, remember?
00:40:53Come on over to my side.
00:40:55You're gonna drive for a while.
00:40:57Why? I'm not trained as a driver.
00:40:59Never mind why.
00:41:01Just do as I tell you.
00:41:12I'm counting on you to make a nice big score for us.
00:41:15Sure.
00:41:17I'm counting on you to make a nice big score for us.
00:41:20Sure.
00:41:23Is everything special in mind?
00:41:25Something will turn up.
00:41:28I'm sure that it will.
00:41:31Jesus H. Christ!
00:41:33I'll kill that broad!
00:41:35What did I do?
00:41:36Shut your face!
00:41:39Hey, Cornball.
00:41:40What's the fastest way through here?
00:41:42Well, actually, the only way we do it is we get a bulldozer...
00:41:46...and we trim this edge down here with a saw.
00:41:49And then we cut it.
00:41:50And then we cut it.
00:41:51And then we cut it.
00:41:52And then we cut it.
00:41:53And then we cut it.
00:41:54And then we cut it.
00:41:55And then we cut it.
00:41:56And then we cut it.
00:41:57And then we cut it.
00:41:58And then we cut it.
00:41:59And then we trim this edge down here and we drive through, but...
00:42:01No, no.
00:42:02What's the fastest way between here and Albuquerque?
00:42:04You got to go back to the main highway, really.
00:42:06But I lose 45 minutes!
00:42:07I've seen you before.
00:42:08I'm one of your greatest fans.
00:42:10You know that?
00:42:11I follow all of the races.
00:42:13I got pictures of you all over the outhouse.
00:42:15I named my favorite dog after you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:42:18I did.
00:42:19Lousy stinkin' dirtball!
00:42:21You got two seconds to live!
00:42:29Five, four, three, two, one.
00:43:00Come on, Pete, honey.
00:43:01You're going to take all day with that?
00:43:03I want to get on the road, make a few more scores.
00:43:05My bloodlust is fading.
00:43:07I'm almost finished, Calamity, sweetheart.
00:43:09We'll be back on the road in no time.
00:43:11Then we'll cream that Nazi's ass for her.
00:43:13What'd you say?
00:43:14Let's sting!
00:43:17You lousy bitch!
00:43:19I'll kill you for that!
00:43:21Nobody scores my Navigator and gets away with it.
00:43:24Nobody scores my Navigator and gets away with it.
00:43:45Uh-oh, here she comes.
00:43:47And boy, is she pissed.
00:43:49Well, what does she expect?
00:43:51You leave your Navigator lying around?
00:43:53At least somebody's gonna run over him.
00:44:23She's gaining on us, Mama, and she's got murder on her mind.
00:44:40Watch me, Alvin, my little fuzzball.
00:45:11That's good.
00:45:12On three.
00:45:13One, two, three.
00:45:14Shoot it.
00:45:15Easy.
00:45:16There she goes.
00:45:17Here they come!
00:45:18A detergent.
00:45:19I really needed that right now.
00:45:20Here they come!
00:45:21A detour.
00:45:22I really needed that right now.
00:45:53Holy shit!
00:46:14A special bulletin.
00:46:16There's been an accident, an explosion.
00:46:19It looks like Matilda has been blown totally...
00:46:21Correction!
00:46:22Matilda has made an impressive score.
00:46:31Stand by.
00:46:36Don't you want to take over now?
00:46:37I'm afraid I'm making us lose an awful lot of time.
00:46:40You're doing just fine.
00:46:41Looks like an easy score.
00:46:48Yeah, yes it does.
00:46:56It's always best to start small.
00:47:05I missed it!
00:47:10Take some practice.
00:47:11Before it comes easy?
00:47:12It never comes easy.
00:47:13Keep your eyes on the road.
00:47:14How far is it to the penitence compound?
00:47:15Oh, maybe 20 miles.
00:47:16Stop the car.
00:47:17Get out of here.
00:47:28Out!
00:47:35Come to the other side, around the front.
00:47:53Where is the penitent's compound?
00:48:10It's in Japan.
00:48:18I can just push you out of this car and pick up a quick 30 points.
00:48:31Who are you?
00:48:32Who are you working for?
00:48:33I'm Thomasina Payne's granddaughter.
00:48:34I'm honored.
00:48:35So you were going to capture me and replace me with that goon back there.
00:48:48What for?
00:48:49He was going to deliver our ultimatum to Mr. President, your life in exchange for the permanent
00:48:57abolition of the race.
00:49:04She was a great, dear friend of mine.
00:49:33And I shall remember her forever, howling down that freeway in the sky, knocking over
00:49:40the angels.
00:49:41The valiant Hun's demise was, in fact, caused by enemies of the people.
00:49:49There will be a special broadcast by Mr. President at 1900 hours.
00:49:54Stay tuned to find out how you can help Mr. President preserve our way of life, our national
00:50:02honor.
00:50:03Hey, you guys want to stop playing that song, please?
00:50:06Look, what we got here is a race, a sporting event, not some kind of daredevil stunt.
00:50:11I want some kind of protection.
00:50:12You should have given us an escort right after Nero got it.
00:50:14Come on, Joe, it's scoring the escort, wouldn't you believe me?
00:50:17Hey, you want to zip your lip, Myra, huh?
00:50:19Now, are you going to cover me or not?
00:50:21Look, Mr. Viterbo, if you're afraid to go on with the race, why don't you quit?
00:50:25You're calling me a turkey?
00:50:27If you ask me, you're all just making excuses for poor driving.
00:50:30Poor driving?
00:50:31Listen, honey, Matilda the Hun was a champion driver, and nobody could have scored my navigator
00:50:36and gotten away with it.
00:50:38And he's talking about poor driving.
00:50:39I'd like to see you out there.
00:50:41Yeah.
00:50:42I've been driving for ten years, and nobody talks to me like this.
00:50:44You know who it is.
00:50:45It stinks.
00:50:46It's all on account of the rebels.
00:50:47Who mentioned anything about rebels?
00:50:48There are no rebels.
00:50:49Understand?
00:50:50Well, then, who was that old lady on the television?
00:50:53Thelicia Payne.
00:50:54She's a heartless lunatic.
00:50:55Would you please come outside, sir?
00:50:56We'd like to ask you a few questions.
00:50:57Come on, honey.
00:50:58Alone, if you don't mind.
00:50:59Mr. President will explain those accidents during his address to the nation tonight.
00:51:00How did she jam the networks?
00:51:01How'd she bump off our friends?
00:51:02She didn't bump off anybody.
00:51:03She walked into a television station, waving a gun, forced them to put her on the air.
00:51:04Now, we've taken her back to the asylum, and that is the end of it.
00:51:05You know, I've got just two words to say about that.
00:51:06Bullshit!
00:51:07Bullshit!
00:51:08Bullshit!
00:51:09Bullshit!
00:51:10Bullshit!
00:51:11Bullshit!
00:51:12Bullshit!
00:51:13Bullshit!
00:51:14Bullshit!
00:51:15Bullshit!
00:51:16Bullshit!
00:51:17Bullshit!
00:51:18Bullshit!
00:51:19Bullshit!
00:51:20Bullshit!
00:51:21Bullshit!
00:51:22Bullshit!
00:51:23Bullshit!
00:51:24Bullshit!
00:51:25Bullshit!
00:51:26Bullshit!
00:51:27Hey!
00:51:28I told you to stop playing that song!
00:51:32You seem to forget, Gerald, that I am a representative of Mr. President's government.
00:51:37I happen to hold the power of life and death.
00:51:40Yes?
00:51:41I happen to hold the clamp so…
00:51:44Look out, Poterbo.
00:51:46You may be the second biggest clown in this circus, but if I want you dead, you're
00:51:52dead.
00:51:55I told you to stop playing that music!
00:52:02Were they armed, or did they expect the fire in the ditch to be enough to stop you?
00:52:06I don't know what they expected. We just ran through it all and kept on going.
00:52:11Just one more question, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:52:15Did you take that particular road on your own initiative, or on the advice of your navigator?
00:52:22On my own initiative.
00:52:24Thank you, Mr. Frankenstein. That will be all.
00:52:29There has been a lot of talk about American rebels.
00:52:34We have positive proof that it was none other than the treacherous French who have been sabotaging our great race.
00:52:43Just as they and their stinking European allies have undermined and destroyed our great national economy.
00:52:53It is no coincidence, my dear children, that the word sabotage was invented by the French.
00:53:00Where's Annie?
00:53:01I don't know. Hey, did you hear the news?
00:53:04Mr. President said it was the French who knocked off Nero and Matilda.
00:53:08Watch out for the creeps, Suzette.
00:53:11Machine gun Joe Viterbo and Frankenstein as they begin the last lap of their long and difficult journey toward new Los Angeles.
00:53:27Drop your keys.
00:53:30I was just looking for something I lost.
00:53:32The race?
00:53:34Look, Joe, I threw you off course, okay?
00:53:39All's fair in love and war.
00:53:41I'm glad to hear you say that, Annie, because what we've got going here definitely ain't love.
00:53:47Well, then why don't we just forget about it?
00:53:51You know, Annie, these two bad things ain't like they were in the old days when we'd just take somebody in an alley and blow their brains out, you know?
00:54:00Joe, please.
00:54:02Go ahead and scream, Annie.
00:54:03You're hurting me, Joe.
00:54:05There's nobody to hear you.
00:54:06Huh?
00:54:12How does it feel to know that you're going to spend the rest of your life in pain?
00:54:16The rest of your life.
00:54:18It's about a minute and a half.
00:54:22Hey, Frankie.
00:54:23Frankie, I thought you navigated trying to screw around with the car, so I thought I'd come out and have a look at what was going on, you know what I mean?
00:54:31Hey, come on.
00:54:32Frankie.
00:54:36Come on.
00:55:07Huh.
00:55:23Huh.
00:55:27Huh.
00:55:31Huh.
00:55:37Huh.
00:55:56Upstairs.
00:55:58So much for a fair fight.
00:56:01Next chance I get, you're dead.
00:56:07Huh.
00:56:12What were you doing down there?
00:56:14Getting more secret instructions from the lunatic fringe?
00:56:22Why don't you just turn me in and get it over with?
00:56:25No need to.
00:56:28You're blowing your cover.
00:56:30You're no threat to me.
00:56:32Anyway, you're not someone I would throw away.
00:56:35I have a job to do.
00:56:36Your job is a waste of time.
00:56:39The world doesn't want to be saved.
00:56:41I'm giving you a chance to save one small part of it.
00:56:45Yourself.
00:56:47Who are you, anyway?
00:56:50Nobody.
00:56:53I was brought up in a government training center to be just what I am.
00:56:56Frankenstein.
00:56:57The best driver on Earth.
00:56:58This year.
00:57:01They use one up, they bring in another.
00:57:04But I will be the last of the line.
00:57:06Oh, who's kidding, too?
00:57:12I never kid.
00:57:34Why don't you ever take off that glove?
00:57:37What's underneath it?
00:57:39It's my secret.
00:57:42You and the Swiss doctors again?
00:57:45There are no Swiss doctors.
00:57:48Just...
00:57:50Native American.
00:57:53Noir.
00:58:03Noir.
00:58:20Have you checked the oil?
00:58:21Yes.
00:58:22Have you checked the hydraulics?
00:58:23An hour ago.
00:58:24Brakes, tires, water?
00:58:26Yeah, they're okay. Everything's okay.
00:58:28Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to sabotage the car.
00:58:34You get a load of that face?
00:58:36Yeah, I wonder if somebody got points for that eye.
00:58:40Listen, Frankenstein, there's just you, me, and Joe left in the race, and...
00:58:45Well, I just want you to know that whoever wins or whatever happens,
00:58:49it's been really grand racing with you folks.
00:58:53I also want to say that I think you make a real nice couple.
00:58:55Thank you, Jane.
00:58:57Good luck.
00:58:58Good luck.
00:59:07Joe, Myra,
00:59:09I just want to say, whatever happens, whoever wins...
00:59:12Hey, save it for the French.
00:59:17The cars are started, lined up, and ready to roll on the last lap.
00:59:21They're off!
00:59:22Frankenstein, holy freak!
00:59:24Joe has just scored his own pit crew!
00:59:27Son of a bitch!
00:59:31Machine gun Joe Viterbo, that funny man from Chicago,
00:59:35has scored his own mechanics for 40 points
00:59:39and is off to catch Calamity Jane and Frankenstein.
00:59:52Screw you, Joe Viterbo, and your mother!
00:59:54Wait till you get to New L.A. first with the highest score, too.
00:59:58It's coming up on the left.
01:00:01Forget it. I'm keeping Frankie in my sights.
01:00:04He's got five minutes on us, and he's stretching it.
01:00:07So what? If there's trouble up ahead, he'll find it first.
01:00:11Oh, yeah. Take a look at your face. You'll find it first.
01:00:17You know, Myra, some people might think you're cute,
01:00:20but me, I think you're one very nice baked potato.
01:00:24Roaring down Motorway 66 towards California,
01:00:28Frankenstein looks certain to be first across the line.
01:00:31But Machine Gun Joe is still way ahead on points,
01:00:35and he could win the race even by arriving second in New Los Angeles.
01:00:40What's your prediction, Grace?
01:00:43You know, Junior, when Machine Gun Joe was just a little boy in Chicago,
01:00:48he had a pet snake that he used to love to ride over with his tricycle.
01:01:24Oh, yeah?
01:01:54Oh, yeah.
01:02:25Oh, yeah.
01:02:45Break out the thermos and pipe for me.
01:02:48Coming right up.
01:02:54Thanks.
01:03:15Here. I didn't mean to hog it all.
01:03:17Thanks. What flavor is it?
01:03:19Vanilla.
01:03:21Not my favorite.
01:03:25Isn't it vanilla? It's peach or something.
01:03:29Yeah, well, my taste buds got wiped out in the crash in 97.
01:03:33Well, it's a good thing that mine is still intact.
01:03:36At least the French can't poison us.
01:03:42What's Frankenstein's location now?
01:03:44He's about 50 miles out, Lieutenant. They're coming fast.
01:03:50Goodbye, Mrs. Payne.
01:03:52When you see me again, Frankenstein will be my prisoner
01:03:54and the whole country will know we must be taken seriously.
01:03:57Fury, wait. I'm coming with you.
01:03:59No, Mrs. Payne. It's too dangerous.
01:04:01Nonsense. I've waited 20 years for this moment.
01:04:04Oh, I know I can't join you on the mission,
01:04:06but I want to see you pull it off with my own eyes.
01:04:11A couple of turnoffs coming up.
01:04:13What's the quickest way to ULA?
01:04:15That's funny.
01:04:16What?
01:04:19I can't seem to focus my eyes on the map.
01:04:23I think we stay on seven.
01:04:25I feel like I'm going to pass out.
01:04:28Look at that.
01:04:33It's them, isn't it?
01:04:35Please, please stop the car.
01:04:37Sorry. We're in a race.
01:04:47Frankenstein, stop right now. We want to talk to you.
01:04:52Stop before I force you to.
01:05:07I'll bomb you to a halt if I have to.
01:05:17Holy shit!
01:05:28Annie, help me! Turn off the engine!
01:05:33Annie's dead, Mrs. Payne. He must have killed her.
01:05:38Now I'm really going to let him have it.
01:05:47Annie!
01:05:51Look at that. The Rebels are sure giving it to Frankenstein.
01:05:54Thank you, Rebels.
01:05:56Baby, I think we got this race won.
01:05:59Aren't we going to help him, Joe?
01:06:01What, are you nuts or something?
01:06:02I'm getting my ass out of here before they decide to make emergency landing.
01:06:05Come on, sit down.
01:06:07That a girl.
01:06:16Oh, shit!
01:06:46Oh, shit!
01:07:16Oh, shit!
01:07:47No!
01:08:02Well, America, there you have it.
01:08:04Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Air Force.
01:08:08And he's whipped their derrieres.
01:08:10His point total for this one will be something astronomical.
01:08:14Machine Gun Joe better watch out.
01:08:23Right on schedule.
01:08:24Hey, what happened?
01:08:26I slipped you a 30-minute sleep X.
01:08:28Didn't want you doing something back there we would both regret.
01:08:31Did they attack us?
01:08:33According to the radio, we were attacked by the French Air Force.
01:08:36Was the plane shot down?
01:08:38Even those Swiss doctors couldn't have helped.
01:08:41I'm sorry. I know they were your people.
01:08:44But I can't let anything stop me now.
01:08:46They didn't expect you to give up easily.
01:08:48They were prepared for whatever happened.
01:08:52Oh, my God, you've been hit.
01:08:54I'll make it.
01:08:57I'm sorry things worked out this way.
01:09:01It's not over yet.
01:09:03I'm afraid it is.
01:09:05Hey!
01:09:11Lou!
01:09:36What the hell do you think you're doing?
01:09:38It doesn't make any difference what happens to me now.
01:09:41Now that is the dumbest, sorriest thing I've ever heard you say.
01:09:44I don't believe you've got a drop of Thomasina pain's blood in your whole body.
01:09:49The minute things get rough, you close your eyes and try to drive us off a cliff.
01:09:53If you just stop trying to kill me for a minute, I need your help.
01:09:57How can you possibly expect me to help you?
01:10:01You're my navigator.
01:10:02You're the only one who knows where you're going.
01:10:05I mean, whose side are you on anyway?
01:10:07I thought the only thing you cared about was winning the race.
01:10:11Sure.
01:10:12Only the winner of the race is to shake hands with Mr. President.
01:10:16Is that a grenade?
01:10:18A hand grenade.
01:10:19That handshake is all I've lived for for as long as I can remember.
01:10:25Now, wait a minute. I don't want you to die.
01:10:32It's my life's work.
01:10:37It's my life's work.
01:11:08Why do you want to win this race so bad?
01:11:10Why do I want to win this race?
01:11:12In the name of hate.
01:11:14One big 50 for hate.
01:11:37Oh, my God.
01:12:07Oh, my God.
01:12:38Oh, my God.
01:13:04Give me your hand.
01:13:06Give me your hand!
01:13:22Hey, son, will you stop the car?
01:13:24Shut up! What is it?
01:13:26It's a hand, will you?
01:13:28Stop the goddamn car!
01:13:30Stop the car!
01:13:37You're going to have to shift the gears for me now.
01:13:41The only thing that worries me
01:13:43is how I'm going to shake hands with Mr. President.
01:13:47Mr. President is the one who should be worried now.
01:14:06He's coming! Can you hear that engine?
01:14:19Still in perfect tune.
01:14:21Here he is, the one and only three-time winner
01:14:25and sole survivor of the 20th annual Transcontinental Road Race,
01:14:30none other than Frankenstein himself.
01:14:35And now, Mr. President.
01:14:37Our enemy, the French,
01:14:39have destroyed nearly all our gallant racers,
01:14:44just as they have crippled our once great economy
01:14:49and wrecked our telephone system.
01:14:52But even they, in all their evil power,
01:14:56were unable to destroy Frankenstein,
01:14:59who is the embodiment of our national virtue
01:15:03and therefore indestructible.
01:15:06It is fitting that Frankenstein
01:15:08should be the one chosen by your president
01:15:12to lead you in this war against the French,
01:15:15which I now decree.
01:15:19Frankenstein has been shot!
01:15:21There is a French spy in our midst!
01:15:23Guards, seize that woman!
01:15:26Frankenstein, are you all right?
01:15:33Are you all right?
01:15:42Eddie!
01:15:46Frankenstein!
01:16:04Hurry, hurry, hurry, come on, come on, come on.
01:16:14Frankenstein!
01:16:17Frankenstein!
01:16:20Frankenstein!
01:16:24Frankenstein!
01:16:27Mr. and Mrs. President Frankenstein, dear friends of mine, can you tell us what your
01:16:37first official acts will be?
01:16:39I plan to pension off the secret police, restore free elections, end minority privilege, and
01:16:45move the seat of government back to New Los Angeles.
01:16:47The country has been governed from abroad long enough.
01:16:49Mr. President Frankenstein, is it true that you are now accepting rebels into your government?
01:16:55Well, since I have accepted one into my house.
01:17:00President Frankenstein has appointed my great grandmother, Thomasina Payne, in view of her
01:17:04experience in the field, as the Minister for Domestic Security.
01:17:08And I plan to deal very harshly with rebels.
01:17:12Anybody who is unhappy with happiness can go find someplace else to live.
01:17:18What about the race?
01:17:20The race is abolished.
01:17:21Abolished?
01:17:22That's right.
01:17:23We feel that the country no longer needs this gratuitous display of violence to show the
01:17:27world that its virility is still intact.
01:17:30Right.
01:17:31But Mr. President Frankenstein, is it true that as a racer, your popularity depended
01:17:34entirely on violence?
01:17:36I'm afraid I shall have to let my press secretary answer that question.
01:17:41Stop annoying Mr. President with impertinent questions, Junior.
01:17:44It's the race, man.
01:17:47President Frankenstein, you can't call off the race.
01:17:50The American people won't stand for it.
01:17:52Get out of the way, Junior.
01:17:53The race is the symbol of everything we hold dear, our American way of life.
01:17:59Sure, it's violent, but that's the way we love it.
01:18:02Violent, violent, violent.
01:18:03And that's why we love you.
01:18:05Frank, do we have to listen to this?
01:18:08No.
01:18:09As to this matter of violence, the technique of violence was first developed in two million
01:18:25B.C. by the Australopithecines, a tribe of four-foot primates who had no brains to speak
01:18:32of, but who nevertheless invented the tomahawk and used it on each other.
01:18:38This practice led to the enlargement of the brain, another useful weapon.
01:18:44Yes, murder was invented even before man began to think.
01:18:49Now, of course, man has become known as the thinking animal.