Kelly Osbourne: My Baby Saved My Life, 'I Don't Think I Knew What Love Was' Before Son Sid Was Born
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00:00Did you know that I am Golden Girls age?
00:02Because I think the youngest member of the Golden Girls was like 42.
00:07Hi, I'm Kelly Osbourne and you're watching Us Weekly.
00:14My life has come very, very far and I
00:21am just so grateful for every mistake that I made in my life,
00:27for every lesson learned, for all of it.
00:34I have such an incredible, like I have such an incredible life,
00:39what could I possibly complain about?
00:42You know, I work, I have an incredible partner, an unbelievable baby
00:49and that has completely changed me.
00:52And thinking about how I, I don't remember my life really now before having the baby
00:59because everything has changed.
01:00It was, it's the most powerful, addictive feeling I have ever, ever felt.
01:06And it, like the power of love and you just realise, oh my god, in that one second
01:14you've given me purpose like nothing has ever given me before.
01:17I look back on it and I know that I don't believe that God would have given me a baby
01:25during a time when I wasn't mentally, physically prepared for it.
01:30I was still actively drinking, still actively using and
01:37I couldn't have, I would have been a terrible mother.
01:40You know, I wasn't selfless enough and then I got myself together in a way like I'd never done
01:49before and really did the work and really went to where the root of a lot of my problems were,
01:57took some time off of work and just focused on myself for a couple of years
02:01and it was the best thing I ever did.
02:03I truly believe that my baby saved me and made me a whole human.
02:08I don't think I knew what love was before having the baby.
02:11I don't think I truly had a purpose.
02:15I just went from thing to thing to thing and this level of
02:23just self-hate and self-doubt that I used to have just would take me out.
02:30I would have been just not prepared enough to be a mother before
02:34and that's why I'm so glad it happened when I was a little bit older
02:37and I had got my sh** together and I wasn't partying or doing any sort of
02:46bad behavior.
02:48Turning 40 is the opportunity to be the real me and say goodbye to all of the past.
02:57You know, I used to carry around the shame of being an addict everywhere with me
03:04and it was a heavy burden to bear because you feel like such a loser when you're in it.
03:11I never did drugs because I wanted to party.
03:14I did drugs because I wanted to numb myself.
03:16I hated who I was.
03:17Absolutely hated who I was.
03:19Felt so uncomfortable, not worthy of anything that happened to me.
03:24There was a time in my life where everyone around me
03:27was dying and everybody was ODing or something horrible in that vein
03:35and I got survivor's guilt because I was like, well why have they spared me?
03:41I was doing all the same, everything that they were doing but I was still there.
03:47I was still here and it wasn't until I turned about 33
03:53that I sat back and was like, I need to work on me.
03:58I need to figure this out because it will be me next if I don't.
04:05Because there's only three places you end up when you're an addict.
04:11Jails, institutions, or death.
04:14I was really f*****g lucky that I only ended up in the institutions
04:18and that's why I live every single day with so much gratitude
04:23and so much just love and respect
04:26and just general appreciation for where I'm at in my life
04:33and what I have in my life.
04:37And it's just, I'm happy.