The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024) - Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:17Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:33And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:37All right, everybody get out!
00:00:40We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:46You deaf?
00:00:47I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have
00:00:58to pay for today's losses.
00:00:59You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:30Coming to see you?
00:01:31All right, you know what?
00:01:32I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does it so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:41Deal.
00:01:50Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:53Or else, you're fired.
00:02:13Prepare the limo.
00:02:15Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:23Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:25Good.
00:02:26Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:28Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:40Ellen.
00:02:41Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk.
00:02:43Ellen.
00:02:44Uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:49How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:02:54So how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:59Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:03No way.
00:03:08Well?
00:03:11No.
00:03:12No.
00:03:13No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:15No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19All right, that's enough.
00:03:21We're not tyrants here.
00:03:28Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:37You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:39I honor my pride.
00:03:42You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:46Who are you?
00:03:49Where is she?
00:03:51Atlanta.
00:03:52And you were right.
00:03:53It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:55My clever bride.
00:03:57I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet.
00:04:06I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson.
00:04:13He's having Sterling's on the move.
00:04:14He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:15Atlanta?
00:04:16The game is afoot.
00:04:18I'm going.
00:04:19Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:20The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22He can wait.
00:04:23I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson.
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir.
00:04:38Douglas Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta.
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever.
00:04:46Prepare my warplanes.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancée.
00:04:49This is war.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:12Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:14This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:17That project is worth billions.
00:05:19He can finally take his company public.
00:05:21But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:47You saved me.
00:06:04He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:08I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:15But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:23So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:31But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:51Where the hell are you?
00:06:53Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:56Get home, stat.
00:06:58It's a big day today.
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:09But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:15You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:23Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:27Hi, I'm home.
00:07:29I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:37Divorce papers?
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:43God, don't call me Mom again.
00:07:46We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:54You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:58I'm below his league?
00:08:00That's right. You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:20Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:23You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:35But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:38You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:48Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:52And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:58You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:04Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:07Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:09Enough!
00:09:11Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:15But I am.
00:09:17Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:20Here's $500,000. You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave. Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:32I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:37Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:40Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:43Fine. Here's another $200,000.
00:09:46$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing. Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:55She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:58Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:02I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:06You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:15A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO? What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:25And leave!
00:10:29You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:36I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:40Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:47It's all my work!
00:10:50Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:58You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:03So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:11Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:15But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:19Do you know who I am?
00:11:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:34Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:47Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:53And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:17You hit me.
00:12:22Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:40I don't need your pity money.
00:12:42I don't need your pity money.
00:12:46We're finished.
00:12:48You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:51Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:54But I would like my ring back.
00:12:58Mom?
00:13:07Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:18And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:21Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:26It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:30Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:33Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:36You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:41Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:47Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:54Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:57Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:02Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:17Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:23Vanderbilt?
00:14:24Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically, our employee.
00:14:28Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:31You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:35That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:38Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:14:45What are you doing here?
00:14:46Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:15:07Who is he?
00:15:09That, that's Devin Sterling. He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises. Rumor has it he's worth trillions. And he's your fiancé.
00:15:24What? My fiancé?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:31So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:48That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:54What is she doing here?
00:15:57You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:04Divorced?
00:16:06That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:12Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:17So, she has to hide her marital status to find another man. Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:27How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:31Who the fuck are you, bitch? Do you know who I am?
00:16:36They don't know who you are. You hide it well.
00:16:43X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson. Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:53Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York. You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:05Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:08Go ahead.
00:17:12Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:15Oh, you bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:25A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:29No.
00:17:32Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:36You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:41Gentlemen. Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:44Pleased to meet you all. Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:50I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project. It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:58Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet. We deserve it.
00:18:02Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk. Vanderbilts and Ms. Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:08So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:12Thank you, Mr. Manville.
00:18:14Now, we just have to impress Ms. Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:18Yes. I heard they're a very important and powerful guest. Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:24Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:34I'll do my best.
00:18:40Excuse me.
00:18:41A second, gentlemen.
00:18:44Excuse me.
00:18:45A second, gentlemen.
00:18:47What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:54Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:59You sleep your way in?
00:19:00I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me. Nothing will come of it and it only sickens me further.
00:19:06Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:09This is your ex-husband?
00:19:14What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:16Who the hell is this?
00:19:18You were cheating on me?
00:19:21Phone rings.
00:19:32Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:35That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:41They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:50You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:55Get your hands off of her.
00:20:01My lady.
00:20:21My queen.
00:20:32It's... it's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:39Who are these peasants?
00:20:41These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:46Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:57You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:07Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:21:14Who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That, the Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:21:27Oh, goddammit.
00:21:29A stomachache now?
00:21:34Whatever.
00:21:35Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:45How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:48I'm Harvey F. N. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:54I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:58And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:02Not with me around.
00:22:04I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:08You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:13You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:15We've had enough of your games.
00:22:17Security, break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:21Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:24Don't worry. You got new money here.
00:22:29I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:31Yes, ma'am.
00:22:34I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:36Yes, my queen.
00:22:38You're all despicable.
00:22:41An insult to your family names.
00:22:46Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:49Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:52Cut off all business ties.
00:22:55And if you don't,
00:22:57I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:01Ha! I knew it.
00:23:03You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:05You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:07How much money did you spend on that get up
00:23:09to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:11You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:15You have nothing.
00:23:17And you will always be nothing.
00:23:19She's a gold digger.
00:23:22Gold digger?
00:23:24Gigolo.
00:23:26Gigolo.
00:23:28Want to try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't
00:23:34keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:36They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:40She's only here to try and ruin my bill
00:23:42on the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:44Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:23:46Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize
00:23:55that you actually all work for me.
00:23:57And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:59You!
00:24:01Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess.
00:24:05You're that special guest?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:11And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:19Back down, Max.
00:24:23I got this.
00:24:25I got this.
00:24:51What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:53I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:55No, you're supposed to make sure
00:24:57Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed.
00:25:09Angela!
00:25:11Don't hurt her.
00:25:13You bitch.
00:25:15I've always been sick of you.
00:25:17You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:19How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:25:21She's a purple...
00:25:23Miss Musk?
00:25:25That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:27That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:29My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:31Their lineage is older
00:25:33than this country itself.
00:25:35Past the American Revolution?
00:25:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:39If she's your boss,
00:25:41then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:43That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:45She's royalty.
00:25:47And since you're all subsidiaries,
00:25:49what are you going to do?
00:25:51Kneel to me.
00:25:53Oh, your majesty.
00:25:55Welcome to the United States.
00:25:57We've always been
00:25:59your loyal subjects.
00:26:01Yes, your highness.
00:26:03Is it queen or prince?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:07My queen, please
00:26:09forgive our insolence.
00:26:11We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:13What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:15Let go of the boss lady
00:26:17and forgive us!
00:26:27What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:29What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:47She's a badass herself.
00:26:49He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:51You, you, you
00:26:53told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:55Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag
00:26:57this entire time.
00:26:59No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:27:01I worked hard for everything.
00:27:03You worked for everything?
00:27:09Hi, honey.
00:27:11So, our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:27:13and I thought that maybe we can do
00:27:15something special this year.
00:27:17I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:19I have to figure out this bid
00:27:21for the Maple Plaza project
00:27:23and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:27Oh.
00:27:31You were nothing before me.
00:27:33All your achievements
00:27:35all your glory
00:27:37that's all mine
00:27:39including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:41I can take
00:27:43all of that away
00:27:45just like that.
00:27:47No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:49That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals
00:27:51to this nobody.
00:27:53Oh, and this antique
00:27:55wedding ring?
00:27:57Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:59It was Queen Victoria's and its worth is equivalent
00:28:01to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:09Oh, no.
00:28:11I gave you back the ring?
00:28:13I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:15No! No, Angela, please!
00:28:17No, please take me back, baby!
00:28:19I still love you!
00:28:21Please!
00:28:25Aw, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:27No one's allowed to start a fight
00:28:29without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:37God, these two again.
00:28:39Did he say...is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:41President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:43After General Eisenhower won World War II
00:28:45each of his descendants have all gone on
00:28:47to become five-star generals
00:28:49the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:51Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:53I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:55Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:01And that there is...
00:29:03that is the legendary
00:29:05boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:09Dr. House?
00:29:11I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:13Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:15Yep, that's me.
00:29:17Son of James House.
00:29:19Dr. House? He's practically my uncle.
00:29:21I was diagnosed with Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:23So he's been off
00:29:25carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands
00:29:27for the last 15 years.
00:29:29And I'm late
00:29:31because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:37Hey, Ellen.
00:29:39Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your
00:29:43fiancées.
00:29:45What?
00:29:47Fiancées?
00:29:49Plural?
00:29:51Fiancées? Plural?
00:29:53Watch it, nerds.
00:29:55I'm her fiancé.
00:29:57No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:59You can both shut up. I'm her fiancé.
00:30:01It's you.
00:30:03It's me. Who the hell is he?
00:30:05I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:07How are all three
00:30:09of these men my fiancées?
00:30:11Uh, your father had arranged
00:30:13these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you
00:30:15because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:17She
00:30:19has three badass fiancées and she marries
00:30:21his dumb ass?
00:30:23Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here,
00:30:27help me finish him.
00:30:31Since you're all here,
00:30:33help me finish him.
00:30:35At your service.
00:30:37Me too.
00:30:43One down, two more to go.
00:30:45She's become queen!
00:30:47Bishop to G4.
00:30:51Ow! Ow!
00:30:53Ow! What is that?
00:30:55The most German fest
00:30:57and water in the Nile River.
00:30:59Ah!
00:31:01Rook to A8.
00:31:07Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:13Oh, you wish.
00:31:15The king doesn't do anything, so
00:31:17Alan can be my king.
00:31:19Oh, fine.
00:31:23Bankrupt to four. It's right this second.
00:31:29I...
00:31:31I've been bankrupt!
00:31:33No!
00:31:35Who is it?
00:31:37Who is it?
00:31:41I've been bankrupt!
00:31:43No!
00:31:45I told you I would remove all of you
00:31:47from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:49Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:51Alright, boys.
00:31:53Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you.
00:31:59Wait for me.
00:32:01Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:07Angela!
00:32:09You already have
00:32:11three fiancées?
00:32:13You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:15I want compensation.
00:32:19You greedy SOB.
00:32:21Who the fuck is that?
00:32:23My ex-husband.
00:32:25Wait, you were married?
00:32:27Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:32:29then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:31I don't think so.
00:32:33If that's a problem for you,
00:32:35then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:37More for me? No, no, of course not.
00:32:39Just...
00:32:41Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:43Don't steal my joke.
00:32:45I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:47All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What?
00:32:51Is there something on my face?
00:32:53Yeah, murderous intent.
00:32:55Let's remarry.
00:32:57Let's remarry.
00:32:59You still don't realize
00:33:01that I only fell in love with you
00:33:03because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:33We need to wreck right away.
00:33:35Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem
00:33:37at the company warehouse.
00:33:39Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:43She should be okay now.
00:33:47Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here.
00:33:51I'll be right back.
00:33:54You saved me.
00:33:59Fuck.
00:34:01I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:05Fuck.
00:34:07I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:09You've cheated on me,
00:34:11you've hit me,
00:34:13and you've insulted me.
00:34:15And after all that,
00:34:17I never want to see you again.
00:34:19I fucking hate you.
00:34:21I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Lady Lockhart.
00:34:25God, what now?
00:34:27Yes, we understand
00:34:29that you are a very busy person,
00:34:31but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:34:33the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:35How about us three?
00:34:37Yes, unlike that scumbag,
00:34:39we won't turn on you.
00:34:41Yeah, no.
00:34:43You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:45But...
00:34:47This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:49We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:51No.
00:34:53No.
00:34:55We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk
00:34:57and the Lockharts.
00:34:59Help me.
00:35:01I'll get you for this!
00:35:07I never should have listened to you.
00:35:09I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:19So,
00:35:21what's the situation here?
00:35:23I don't want to marry you!
00:35:33I don't want to marry you!
00:35:37Listen,
00:35:39I only met you guys a few hours ago
00:35:41and I'm not interested
00:35:43in flash marriages.
00:35:45But what if I told you
00:35:47that we've known each other for much longer
00:35:49than just a few hours?
00:35:51Much longer.
00:35:55Angela,
00:35:57your parents would like to have a video call
00:35:59with all of you.
00:36:03My lovely princess,
00:36:05how are you?
00:36:07Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:09The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:11Perfect for a wedding,
00:36:13wouldn't you say?
00:36:15I heard you finally divorced
00:36:17that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking
00:36:19three-letter husband of yours.
00:36:21Can't call his name,
00:36:23but anyway,
00:36:25congratulations!
00:36:27I've selected three prime young men
00:36:29for you to choose from
00:36:31to replace him.
00:36:33You must pick one of them to marry,
00:36:35otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it.
00:36:39You must choose one of them
00:36:41in seven days,
00:36:43otherwise...
00:36:45we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:47Mom!
00:36:49Alright honey, that's it.
00:36:51Bye!
00:36:55So,
00:36:57who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well,
00:37:01what if I
00:37:03want all three of you?
00:37:05Well,
00:37:07what if I
00:37:09want all three of you?
00:37:11That seems greedy.
00:37:17But,
00:37:19I can always remove
00:37:21the other two options.
00:37:23Hey, I may be a doctor,
00:37:25but I can take lives too.
00:37:27I know and have access
00:37:29to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:31Well, okay.
00:37:33No murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:37:37You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:39Ooh,
00:37:41it's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:43I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show,
00:37:49The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:51Today, we have our first
00:37:53challenge.
00:37:55What is
00:37:57all of this, Ellen?
00:37:59You'll see.
00:38:01Oh, my God!
00:38:03Oh, my God!
00:38:05Cockroaches!
00:38:07All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:38:09and it is every man's job
00:38:11to save their beloved woman
00:38:13from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:15What will our three candidates do
00:38:17to prove their undying love
00:38:19for our single woman,
00:38:21but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:23Looks like one of our contestants
00:38:25has already called it quits.
00:38:27It's up to the final two.
00:38:53Crunchy.
00:38:55That is sick cold.
00:38:57Hey, when you're stranded in the middle
00:38:59of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see
00:39:01one of these around.
00:39:03There are two more left.
00:39:05Want to try one?
00:39:07Oh, my God, no.
00:39:09Oh, my God, save me.
00:39:11Save you? You're going to save me.
00:39:13Ah!
00:39:15Ah!
00:39:17Ah!
00:39:19Ah!
00:39:21Ah!
00:39:23I'm a germaphobe doctor.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:43Thank God you're here.
00:39:47Are you all right, honey?
00:39:49Angela.
00:39:53All right, you won the first challenge,
00:39:55so your reward,
00:39:57you get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:59Just don't cross the line,
00:40:01if you know what I mean.
00:40:03I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:05You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:11Honestly, even if you guys fuck,
00:40:13it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:15At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:17My husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:21The cockroaches.
00:40:23They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:25There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:27I'm going to kill
00:40:29Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:35I need a drink.
00:40:43Whoa, easy.
00:40:45What happened to your stomach?
00:40:47Why do you care?
00:40:49I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:53You guys were right.
00:40:55I was blind
00:40:57for marrying that asshole.
00:40:59You know,
00:41:01I wasted three
00:41:03whole years of my life with him.
00:41:05He never even loved me.
00:41:07And I gave up my entire
00:41:09career for him.
00:41:11Do you really
00:41:13think that you would still be number one on the
00:41:15Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:19You may not be
00:41:21number one on Forbes list,
00:41:23but you know what your number one is?
00:41:25What?
00:41:29Your number one here.
00:41:37You know,
00:41:39we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:41Lies.
00:41:45You all just want something from me.
00:41:51Angela,
00:41:53I know it's
00:41:55hard to trust again,
00:41:57but I assure you
00:41:59I don't care
00:42:01what family you're from.
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:05I don't need your power,
00:42:07your status, your wealth,
00:42:09your connections.
00:42:13I just need you.
00:42:17I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:19I promise.
00:42:31Screw the contest.
00:42:33I just want love.
00:42:35Angela,
00:42:37you're drunk.
00:42:39I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get
00:42:41what she wants?
00:42:43Okay.
00:42:47But love and sex
00:42:49aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:51Oh, they're not
00:42:53mutually exclusive either.
00:42:55Hey.
00:43:05This is what you want.
00:43:25Hi.
00:43:31Nine-inch penis.
00:43:33Morning to you, too.
00:43:35You sure you were drunk
00:43:37last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:39A girl remembers when she's had a
00:43:41nine-inch penis
00:43:43inside of her.
00:43:45Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:47But don't tell Shane
00:43:49or Cole.
00:43:51Because then they would...
00:43:53Technically,
00:43:55us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:57I won the first challenge,
00:43:59and according to Ellen, my prize
00:44:01was to spend a night with you anyway.
00:44:03Don't make this
00:44:05any harder than it already is.
00:44:09You sure
00:44:11you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:13Stop.
00:44:17Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:19Fine.
00:44:21I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:27I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:31You have to go out
00:44:33on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you
00:44:41since college, Angela.
00:44:43You never noticed me.
00:44:46Oh.
00:44:48Uh, you should
00:44:50get dressed and get out of here
00:44:52before anyone sees you.
00:44:54It's only 7 a.m.
00:44:56She's still sleeping.
00:44:58I'm not sleeping alone.
00:45:00Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone
00:45:02with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:06Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:18That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:20This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28a date.
00:45:30Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:45:32A date? That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:36No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart
00:45:38enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:40As simple as that.
00:45:42Me first.
00:45:44Okay, who's up first?
00:45:46Me. Save the best for last.
00:45:48Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:50Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please don't take my BMW away.
00:45:56Too bad.
00:45:58You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:00I have nothing left.
00:46:02I have nothing left.
00:46:10It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:16It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:26General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:28At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:30This is my lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:34You're so serious.
00:46:36But hang on.
00:46:38Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:40Baby,
00:46:42I decided to take you here on our first date
00:46:44so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:46Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:50Murder weapons.
00:47:00I like my guns, babe.
00:47:02Pretty rock hard.
00:47:04Yeah.
00:47:06Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:08Lieutenant!
00:47:10Come close!
00:47:12Wait, you're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:14He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:16Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:47:18Treason?
00:47:20You guys are way too serious.
00:47:22I'm sorry.
00:47:24I'm sorry.
00:47:26I'm sorry.
00:47:28You guys are way too serious.
00:47:30Look, you rock hard bitch, I caught you!
00:47:32If I'm going down,
00:47:34you're all going down with me!
00:47:36Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:47:50You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:58If you don't need to keep beating him up,
00:48:00we could just take him to the cops.
00:48:02Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:08Zoe's a bit violent.
00:48:10Some might call it being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married
00:48:16and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:18Is he going to be, like,
00:48:20rough?
00:48:22Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:24I don't know if I am.
00:48:26Well, maybe shame
00:48:28will be your type.
00:48:32Your date with shame
00:48:34starts now.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:40Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:48:44when I saved his wife.
00:48:46Impressive.
00:48:50Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:49:00What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit-flavored gum.
00:49:04I can't stand those.
00:49:06So, where are you taking me to?
00:49:08Let me show you.
00:49:16Dr. Wilson!
00:49:18Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:20Right this way.
00:49:22Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:24I forget who.
00:49:26You saved a lot of people.
00:49:28I do what I can.
00:49:30Oh, my gosh.
00:49:32It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:36Sandra Miller.
00:49:38What are you doing here?
00:49:40I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:42Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:44and how you hired some gigolo to beat her
00:49:46and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48How low of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces
00:49:56so high-end, you couldn't even afford
00:49:58even a few soldier organs.
00:50:00The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you later.
00:50:12Cameron,
00:50:14I have a task for you.
00:50:16Our next piece
00:50:18is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:20Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:22Sold by our vendor,
00:50:24Sandra Miller
00:50:26for five million dollars.
00:50:28Excuse me.
00:50:30I'd like to donate
00:50:32this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:36I'd like to donate
00:50:38this piece to auction.
00:50:40It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:42What are you doing?
00:50:44Come on.
00:50:50That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please.
00:50:54I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:56She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:02Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:06Here, you want it? For free.
00:51:08Ew, I don't want that trash from a
00:51:10stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then
00:51:14because you are the fraud.
00:51:18What are you talking about?
00:51:20Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:22Throw them out.
00:51:24Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine
00:51:26but we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:30And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:34Mine is the real thing.
00:51:36You two are just upset because you're too
00:51:38poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Why is that so?
00:51:42What if a so-called expert
00:51:44failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:46Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:52It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:58Karen, what have you found?
00:52:00Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband
00:52:02you sent me? It's a replica.
00:52:06They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So,
00:52:10you are the fraud.
00:52:12You just went to the flea market
00:52:14so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:16And Cameron, how much are these fakes
00:52:18being sold for?
00:52:20150.
00:52:22Wow. Not even five dollars.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:26You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:30No! Please!
00:52:32Even just this one time! Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:36Uh, investigating
00:52:38lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for
00:52:40the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:52:42Black Callista from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:52I had a really
00:52:54great time tonight.
00:52:56Me too. May I
00:52:58have a kiss?
00:53:06No.
00:53:14Something wrong?
00:53:16Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:24You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:36You owe us
00:53:38a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:42How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:44I guess
00:53:46you'll only pay up
00:53:48if I
00:53:50break your other leg.
00:53:52Stop!
00:53:56Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:54:00Mr. Buffett.
00:54:02This is the contract
00:54:04for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:06That's right.
00:54:08Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angela was still
00:54:12in love with me.
00:54:14I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:16Now, now, sir.
00:54:18Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:20It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:22Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:24And then maybe
00:54:26you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:54:28to put in a good word for us?
00:54:30Angela still loves me.
00:54:32She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:34She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:36Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:40I was just
00:54:42sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:44and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good
00:54:48to be in power.
00:54:50Sure.
00:54:52I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:54I just need...
00:54:56Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:58After I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:00I'll go after
00:55:02Angela Lockhart
00:55:04for my revenge.
00:55:10I'm giving the contract to Jarrett Cooper
00:55:12just like you asked me to.
00:55:14Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:18Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:20I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:22That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:24It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front
00:55:26as a deposit.
00:55:28And if he can't, then what?
00:55:30He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:32So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:34I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:36I want to show the world that without
00:55:38Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:46I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:48We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:52You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:54That skank Angela
00:55:56is nothing next to you.
00:55:58And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually,
00:56:02it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:06What?
00:56:08You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:10Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:12Jarrett, what are you doing?
00:56:14You have such a beautiful and bright
00:56:16future ahead of you.
00:56:18It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:20I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:22I'm telling my dad.
00:56:24Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:26If you're obedient, I'll keep you around
00:56:28as his side piece. But if not, you can
00:56:30scram.
00:56:32Dad, Jarrett
00:56:34is being mean to me. Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jarrett has the backing of
00:56:40some very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48But, Dad...
00:56:52I'm sorry.
00:56:54I'll be your side piece.
00:56:56Very good.
00:56:58I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:00Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:04I mean, do I really want to be
00:57:06with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:08But that tongue action, though.
00:57:10Tongue is important
00:57:12in more than just one spot.
00:57:14We are in public.
00:57:16It's true.
00:57:18Stomach ache.
00:57:20Stomach ache.
00:57:22Again? I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:24Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:28Devin's late.
00:57:30Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:34This hotel restaurant has
00:57:36five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:40And she's alone. With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:46You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:50Let me tell you.
00:57:52I would never go back
00:57:54even if your entire family
00:57:56got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:00Hey, you guys can fight all you want
00:58:02but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her for me
00:58:06gets all this.
00:58:08Why do I have to leave?
00:58:10She's the one starting shit.
00:58:12Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:14You're just a stinky hippie peddler
00:58:16and my son just signed a
00:58:18billion dollar contract.
00:58:20He still got the contract?
00:58:22Hmm.
00:58:24Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:26Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity
00:58:28to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:30Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:32Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen
00:58:36this much cash before.
00:58:40You take my charity
00:58:42and toss it in my face
00:58:44as if it's your own.
00:58:46I mean, it wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:48One thousand dollars to take her away.
00:58:50Two thousand dollars
00:58:52to drag her away.
00:58:54Five thousand dollars
00:58:56to beat her away.
00:59:00Oh, hey!
00:59:02Ow!
00:59:06You okay? Are you hurt?
00:59:12Weakling.
00:59:14And you, just a few days ago,
00:59:16you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:20What a whore.
00:59:22What a whore.
00:59:24Yeah, and Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man
00:59:30wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:34We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:36Hang on.
00:59:38What do you want?
00:59:40I'll scream.
00:59:42But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:46But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:48I said I don't kill women.
00:59:50Oh, God.
00:59:52He is a murderer.
00:59:54What if he murders me?
00:59:56Not him. Definitely not him.
01:00:02We're not afraid of you.
01:00:04That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:00:06You'll be removed from being a five-star general
01:00:08if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:10I was just messing with them.
01:00:12Was he, though?
01:00:14We're not afraid of you.
01:00:16Jared, you have to avenge us.
01:00:18Look at this slut.
01:00:20She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:22She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:00:24Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:26I apologize for this scene.
01:00:28I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately
01:00:30so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:36The potty crashes.
01:00:38Oh!
01:00:40You have any idea who that is?
01:00:42That's my wife.
01:00:44We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:46That's right. Know your place.
01:00:48Shut up.
01:00:50She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place.
01:00:54You're just a side piece.
01:00:56If I still want you, that is.
01:00:58Eric, have you gone mad?
01:01:00This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:02You slap her for this whore?
01:01:04Mom!
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family
01:01:08whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:12I only got the Maple Closet project
01:01:14because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You apologize right now
01:01:20or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you a divorce.
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:40You're not suited to come with me
01:01:42to my celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:52Honey, I know you came here
01:01:54to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:56I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02On a date?
01:02:04A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:06She really is a whore.
01:02:08Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:10I really do love you.
01:02:14Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:18Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:22Yeah, we already know
01:02:24you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:26We're too old for that.
01:02:28They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:30Please, you gave me the contract
01:02:32so if anyone should go
01:02:34as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:36Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:38We'll all be one happy
01:02:40business family again.
01:02:42What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:44Where were you?
01:02:46Stomach issues.
01:02:48Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make myself
01:02:54clear, okay?
01:02:56I would rather die
01:02:58than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually
01:03:02on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:06Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad, but please
01:03:10give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no. You have three
01:03:16great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me
01:03:30or the contract.
01:03:32You're kidding me.
01:03:34No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:36If you choose me, we can
01:03:38remarry this week.
01:03:40But you don't get the hundred-billion-dollar
01:03:42contract.
01:03:44The choice is all yours.
01:03:46That's a choice.
01:03:48You think so? He either marries a royal heiress
01:03:50or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy
01:03:58bastard. Angela, I saved
01:04:00you in the pool, remember? I deserve
01:04:02the contract. Did you
01:04:04really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably
01:04:10late now.
01:04:12He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:14Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I, uh, I choose
01:04:18the contract. I knew it.
01:04:20You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With
01:04:24this contract, my company's
01:04:26earning potential is limitless.
01:04:28Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me
01:04:30in front of everyone. I will get you
01:04:32one day. Let me show
01:04:34you something.
01:04:46You saved me.
01:04:48I'm sorry
01:04:50if his lies led to you wasting
01:04:52three years of your life,
01:04:54but I promise you
01:04:56I'm going to make it up to you
01:04:58with the rest of our lives.
01:05:00No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:02I just couldn't, can't remember
01:05:04exactly what happened that day.
01:05:06Does that mean
01:05:08we both each saved her once?
01:05:10What? Me?
01:05:12And Dr. Wilson?
01:05:14Losing at saving people?
01:05:16No way. You guys,
01:05:18one of you, do something life-threatening
01:05:20right now. You're
01:05:22crazy.
01:05:24And actually,
01:05:26I'm not crazy.
01:05:28I'm not crazy.
01:05:30I'm not crazy.
01:05:32I'm not crazy.
01:05:34And actually,
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible
01:05:38shit behind your back.
01:05:40What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate
01:05:44their company's dealings. Turns out
01:05:46they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:48Put it simply,
01:05:50they've been stealing
01:05:52from you. I can't believe I didn't
01:05:54realize. Miss Lockhart,
01:05:56I'm so sorry. I should have
01:05:58had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just
01:06:02too slick.
01:06:04You'd like me to punish them for...
01:06:06Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max,
01:06:10you know what to do.
01:06:24The banks have pulled all of our
01:06:26funds. All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:30No!
01:06:32No!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you?
01:06:38And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:40I'll
01:06:42tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you
01:06:46who I am.
01:06:48I am
01:06:50Crypto Punk
01:06:52Number Two. What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than
01:06:56Spider-Man.
01:06:58Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:07:00Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number
01:07:02One. See? You are number
01:07:04one at something. The most expensive
01:07:06NFT collection in the world.
01:07:08Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:10It's all about young money now.
01:07:12So, how about
01:07:14our date?
01:07:20I'm not letting him one-up me on this one.
01:07:22I'll spy two.
01:07:28They forgot
01:07:30to cancel my contract.
01:07:32I still have the
01:07:34100 billion dollar project.
01:07:36Yes!
01:07:38I'm rich!
01:07:40They'll make them all
01:07:42pay soon!
01:07:48What?
01:07:50Mr. Cooper, sir. The Maple Plaza contract
01:07:52requires you to sign
01:07:54the contract.
01:07:56Sir, the Maple Plaza contract requires
01:07:58us to provide 50% of the costs
01:08:00up front. Otherwise, it's a breach of
01:08:02contract and we'll have to pay for all financial
01:08:04repercussions. No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:10I need a little law card. You tricked
01:08:12me!
01:08:18Allow me.
01:08:22I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:24I had to get some very important
01:08:26materials
01:08:28for our special date.
01:08:30Well, cheers.
01:08:32Cheers.
01:08:42This looks good.
01:08:48Did you use my spices?
01:08:50I know your ex-in-laws never appreciated
01:08:52you.
01:08:54You can have all the
01:08:56money and power in the world and
01:08:58you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:02Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:08Angela,
01:09:10your future
01:09:12with me
01:09:14is gonna be different.
01:09:16Come on.
01:09:18Upstairs.
01:09:22Come on.
01:09:36Wow.
01:09:38Devon, I
01:09:40can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:42these past few years.
01:09:44Just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela,
01:09:48I've known and loved you for
01:09:50three whole years.
01:09:52Actually,
01:09:54I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:56That's right.
01:09:58I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:10:00How is all of this
01:10:02possible? I didn't
01:10:04meet any of you until recently.
01:10:06Well, actually,
01:10:08maybe Devon, but...
01:10:10I've had a crush on you
01:10:12since college.
01:10:14You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being
01:10:20poor.
01:10:22Are you
01:10:24trying to get hired at
01:10:26Fortune 500 in a suit
01:10:28like that?
01:10:30All you do
01:10:32is babble on and on about
01:10:34internet money, bitcoin
01:10:36and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying
01:10:40to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:46Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:48Angela!
01:10:50Fancy girl.
01:10:52I like her.
01:11:02How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison
01:11:06made from a mixture of dried roots found
01:11:08in Africa.
01:11:10Can it be cured?
01:11:12I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:14It sounds really scary, but its cure
01:11:16can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:18Household salt.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:28There you go.
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:44I like her.
01:11:46We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:48So, that's how I...
01:11:50Well, we
01:11:52all met.
01:11:54I barely remember.
01:11:56I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:58Matthew Richards,
01:12:00the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:02attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:04You wouldn't have known.
01:12:06I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:08That makes you feel any better.
01:12:10Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:12Seven days is almost up.
01:12:14Now that you know they all loved and fought for you
01:12:16for three years,
01:12:18who will you pick?
01:12:24How can that be?
01:12:26Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee,
01:12:34we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:38The Vanderbilts have gone
01:12:40bankrupt?
01:12:42Well then, get out of here.
01:12:44You can't do this to me.
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:50Mom, it's me.
01:12:52What happened?
01:12:54Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:56Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:58You should get back with your wife.
01:13:00We're bankrupt.
01:13:02What?
01:13:06Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We're here to
01:13:10propose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14Mom!
01:13:16Mom!
01:13:18Mom!
01:13:20What kind of an asshole throws his own mother
01:13:22to the dogs?
01:13:26Who will you pick?
01:13:30I...
01:13:32I...
01:13:36I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:38Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:42I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:44Sucking up last minute.
01:13:46At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey, stop.
01:13:50Stop.
01:13:52Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses
01:13:56who want me.
01:13:58I mean, Angela Lockhart,
01:14:00you know what I mean.
01:14:02Today, our heiress bachelorette
01:14:04will choose which one
01:14:06of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:08Will it be
01:14:10Shane, the doctor?
01:14:12Cole,
01:14:14the general?
01:14:16Or Devin,
01:14:18the CEO?
01:14:22Uh, looks like our
01:14:24bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense
01:14:28is killing me.
01:14:30But when she does,
01:14:32she will take this eternal rose
01:14:34made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:36and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela.
01:14:42Angela.
01:14:44Oh, I...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:52Uh, while our bachelorette
01:14:54takes a little time to decide,
01:14:56why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:02Let's start with Cole.
01:15:04Cole.
01:15:08There's not much to say.
01:15:10Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:12who has huge biceps
01:15:14and massive chest
01:15:16who would protect
01:15:18their wife.
01:15:20Okay.
01:15:24Devin.
01:15:26Muscles, money,
01:15:28they won't get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man
01:15:32like me that has more than one way
01:15:34to keep a lady happy, if you know what I mean.
01:15:38Okay.
01:15:40I think we do.
01:15:42And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under
01:15:52a lot of stress right now.
01:15:54A lot of choices to make.
01:15:56And she's my queen.
01:15:58I just really hope she's okay.
01:16:00And one more thing.
01:16:02What kind of a doctor
01:16:04brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:08It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:16They beat their wives.
01:16:18Enough.
01:16:20Stand up.
01:16:24Hey, you guys.
01:16:26Whoa, break it up.
01:16:28Hey, break it up.
01:16:34Cut to commercial.
01:16:36Cut to commercial.
01:16:48Cut to commercial.
01:16:56This is the hardest decision
01:16:58I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:16I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess
01:17:20the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:24What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:26Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:28I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:30I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:32Don't forget about me.
01:17:34It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards
01:17:40don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:44Who made these?
01:18:04It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:10I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:12And I have the power of
01:18:14telekinesis.
01:18:30We may have to work together
01:18:32to take him down.
01:18:42This battle within our heads
01:18:44is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:46I may not be able to take them both down
01:18:48if they decide to team up.
01:18:50Hmm.
01:18:52Wintermate or Koum?
01:18:58You know,
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:04I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:06So I appreciate that.
01:19:08Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know, Koum,
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:14Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:18What do you got for me?
01:19:20I always
01:19:22really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:24Yeah?
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:30You're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:32I appreciate it.
01:19:34You need me to look at you?
01:19:36Hey, me?
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:42It was Jared Cooper!
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:48Her ring. Her dad installed
01:19:50a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring, just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:54My fiancé!
01:19:56My fiancé!
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12You took everything.
01:20:14What?
01:20:16I have nothing left.
01:20:18It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:20I wasn't greedy.
01:20:22I had sex with my wife.
01:20:24What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:28Oh yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now,
01:20:30not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:32This is illegal!
01:20:34The child will be away from its father.
01:20:36You won't have me arrested.
01:20:38You will take me back.
01:20:42Come here, bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:56You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:21:00Hey!
01:21:02Come here!
01:21:06We're too late!
01:21:08I drugged her. She'll be dead soon.
01:21:10And yet, have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:14He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:16Everything except for fruit.
01:21:18Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum. We get it already. Just save my boss!
01:21:22Here you go.
01:21:28You're all good now.
01:21:30Thank God.
01:21:32But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:34What? What are you going to do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop! No! Don't!
01:21:40Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:44No!
01:21:48Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:50Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:52So, who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:54We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:21:56The Prince of Bhutan.
01:21:58And remember,
01:22:00we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:06Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:08The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:10We're down to the wire.
01:22:12Literally. The wedding day.
01:22:14But who's the groom?
01:22:16I don't know.
01:22:18Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:20The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:22But who's the groom?
01:22:26Uh,
01:22:28seems our heiress still
01:22:30hasn't decided.
01:22:32But who's the groom?
01:22:34Uh,
01:22:36seems our heiress still
01:22:38hasn't decided.
01:22:40But who's the groom?
01:22:42Uh,
01:22:44seems our heiress still
01:22:46hasn't decided.
01:22:48Any input from the parents?
01:22:50Maybe that will help sway our
01:22:52bachelorette's choice.
01:22:54This is exciting.
01:22:56Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:58Let me think.
01:23:02I like the doctor.
01:23:04He's cute.
01:23:08But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:12And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:23:14for the longest. Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:24You are all three
01:23:26very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And
01:23:30I'm really grateful for all of
01:23:32your love. But
01:23:34this was a really hard decision.
01:23:36And
01:23:38I decided to devise one
01:23:40last challenge.
01:23:42I'm just kidding.
01:23:44I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:50Each of our candidates have
01:23:52saved our main character.
01:23:54I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:23:56They've all proven their undying
01:23:58love. So who gets to
01:24:00unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:02Literally.
01:24:04I mean,
01:24:06who gets to unlock
01:24:08Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:10Literally.
01:24:12Could it be
01:24:14the sexy and protective,
01:24:16general with a temper, Mr. Cole
01:24:18Eisenhower?
01:24:24Or the fun,
01:24:26wicked-minded, but
01:24:28kind of weird, Dr.
01:24:30Shane Wilson?
01:24:34And last but not least,
01:24:36could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:38The man Angela would have married a long time
01:24:40ago, Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:24:44Gentlemen,
01:24:46it's been a pleasure
01:24:48getting to know you.
01:24:50May the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win.
01:24:54Drumroll,
01:24:56please.
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:18I choose...
01:25:28I need a powerful,
01:25:30strong man who I really feel like
01:25:32he can protect me.
01:25:34Who could
01:25:36resist those guns?
01:25:40Could I interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:25:42Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:56Shane, it's
01:25:58you. I'm lovesick
01:26:00for you. You like that minty flavor,
01:26:02don't you?
01:26:04It's that
01:26:06tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:10I hope we can build together.
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches,
01:26:40everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:44Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:46I need fruit-flavored gum for you.