Can you be asexual and still like sex? Does asexuality only come from trauma? Here's what these asexual people want you to know ...
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00:00My wife had to tell me that butts were attractive.
00:03I have been broken up with because I am asexual.
00:06If I'm asexual and you're asexual, then who's giving a f**k?
00:23Asexuals just mean a lack of sexual attraction.
00:26Now asexual is an umbrella term. There are other things that fall under it like
00:31graysexual or demisexual. Me personally, I am sexually repulsed.
00:35I don't want anyone to touch me below the belt.
00:38In 1869, when the terms homosexual and heterosexual were invented,
00:43another term was invented by the same person at the same time that was called monosexual.
00:48So that shows that asexuality was present in the earliest conversations of clinical sexuality.
00:54It took me so long to realize I was ace and like for most of it,
00:57I really thought I was just bi because I felt the same way for men and women.
01:01And then I found out that the reason I felt the same for both of them was just
01:04because I wasn't attracted to either.
01:05Please allow the asexual counsel to explain this to you.
01:09If you found someone attractive but you had no desire to sleep with them,
01:13then you would only find them aesthetically attractive.
01:16A friends with benefits situation would have sexual attraction but not romantic attraction.
01:21And if you had a desire to do non-sexual physical things like
01:25hugging and kissing but you had no desire to do anything else,
01:28then that would be sensual attraction.
01:39The thing is, romance is so heavily tied with sex that taking sex out of the equation
01:43is inconceivable to a lot of people.
01:46Before you say, oh, asexuality is just celibacy, it's not.
01:50The act of sex itself is not what makes you asexual.
01:54It's not feeling sexual attraction towards anybody.
01:57Can you turn ace because of trauma or other experiences?
02:02So yes, there are people in the asexual community who have come to the language
02:07and experience of asexuality because of certain life experiences or the experience of trauma.
02:14Is it asexuality?
02:16Absolutely.
02:17Is it less legitimate than being born asexual?
02:20Not at all.
02:46No for sure.
02:47These are all words that we made up as a society simply to explain different experiences.
02:52So if it resonates with you and you want to use it, then guess what?
02:55Erase.
02:55One of the most frequent misconceptions that I get as an asexual is that
02:59being asexual means that I have basically no sexual life.
03:02There are people like me who are sex favorable,
03:05meaning that I am okay with and enjoy sex,
03:08but I just am not feeling attraction and that I never have.
03:12Hey, I was thinking about getting a pizza. Are you hungry?
03:14Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry.
03:17Okay.
03:18Hey, I got some extra cookies. Do you want some?
03:20Oh yes, please.
03:22Wait a minute. How can you like cookies if you're not hungry?
03:25Because cookies taste good.
03:27That has nothing to do with me being hungry.
03:44So here's the thing I don't say enough.
03:47I love being ace.
03:50Yes, it comes with a lot of challenges, both external and internal.
03:55But at the end of the day, I love being who I am.
04:02I am not asking you to understand asexuality.
04:06I am asking you to just let me as an asexual live.
04:14You just need to have compassion.