El Presidente | One Bite
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SportsTranscript
00:00Are you ready?
00:05I'm crazy.
00:13I got a pizza for you and I'm confident that you're gonna like it.
00:17It's bad, but it's not you, it's me.
00:20The fact that they've been around 90 years, the grandfather, the dad, all of it, major five points.
00:25I'm gonna put this on my must hit list.
00:27The girls just went absolute bananas.
00:30Oh my god!
00:33He's got nothing to hide, so we looked at the kitchen.
00:36He has nothing to hide, nothing to hide.
00:39There was nothing to hide.
00:40That story is one of the best stories we've heard.
00:42I donated, I think it was $900 to the Barstool Fund.
00:46To save up, to donate, because you want to help other small businesses during COVID, I think that speaks for itself.
00:51Shut the door on the hangar!
00:57I'm from New Haven. I moved here like 10 years ago to do stand-up and I wasn't funny.
01:00Then I started doing pizza and that was it.
01:02Frank Pepe's, Plantation, Florida. I did this review, the pizza was terrible.
01:06This was disappointing.
01:08This is 1,000 times better than the first time I had it.
01:11They put this up, you want it, you got it.
01:13They're wearing the shirts, we want porn on it.
01:15Hey, I'll get rid of them, I'm not trademarked.
01:17Seven, nine, die alone?
01:19Take a slice.
01:20Die underscored or is that fair?
01:22That's what I want.
01:23You think?
01:25Oh my God, this is like making my kids sad.
01:28You want me, I'm not a big baby holder.
01:30It's alright.
01:31One more bow, one more.
01:32That's my kid now.
01:33You're the man.
01:37I like that.
01:38I'm down here, now I'm up here.
01:39If you just follow me for two seconds, just say what's up to my wife.
01:42Hi, how are you?
01:43Oh my God, do you think I can face my dad?
01:45What's going on?
01:47Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:50I'm kind of pulling it off.
01:51And then?
01:53It's all good, I know.
01:54Listen, I know.
01:55That guy gave me the most aggressive high five.
01:57Did you get that?
01:58I was hot.
01:59This is the best web aid, I guarantee it.
02:01I'll buy it if it's not.
02:02Step in, step in.
02:03There it is.
02:04Here we go.
02:05I gave you, I told you, the big time high five.
02:07I walked in and he goes, this guy has all the drip.
02:10You got this.
02:11Where does it go hard?
02:12It's like a t-shirt, it goes hard.
02:14I'm killing it.
02:15Is this your personal phone number?
02:16Of course it is.
02:17I'm at $100.
02:18You're really going to give us $100?
02:20Yeah!
02:21Yeah!
02:22Say hello, Mrs. Peaches.
02:24Mrs. Peaches!
02:25They're calling for you, Ms. Peaches.
02:27How's Mrs. Peaches?
02:28Where is she?
02:29We love Mrs. Peaches.
02:30How's Mrs. Peaches?
02:31She's great.
02:32Spoke to me, and now I've got a surf style vibe going on.
02:34Look, we've got some pizza for you.
02:36How long did I have that pizza on me for, the whole review?
02:38You dropped it pretty early on.
02:409-2 cheesesteak, spectacular.
02:43The small business shit we were doing every single week got paid during that shit,
02:47and it changed my life, it changed my family's life.
02:51Wait, you guys have been here since 11?
02:53No pressure.
02:54Just got like...
02:56Big moment.
02:57We called it in, Danny. Nice to meet you.
02:59Danny Boy Kane.
03:00Yes.
03:01I'll give it an 8.
03:02There is no such thing with Danny Boy Kane.
03:04He's a rookie scorer, he's a veteran.
03:06I'm the one that took them to the gym.
03:08He did?
03:09Hold on, let me see my ladies here.
03:10Okay, I'll wait out here.
03:11I saw somebody here earlier.
03:13You want me in here?
03:21This is the best pizza in Scotland.
03:24My dad built a wood-burning pizza oven in our backyard.
03:27Oh yeah?
03:28Then he got a divorce.
03:29Lost the house and the pizza oven.
03:30Exactly.
03:31It's really that good usually, huh?
03:32What does it look like?
03:34Club bar pie.
03:35Bunnies out of the clouds.
03:37Almost every pizza you've ever had in your life has chemicals that are illegal in China.
03:41When do we get to eat the pizza?
03:42I don't know.
03:43I got the Brooklyn salsa.
03:45I'm trying to be cool with the jacket.
03:46I'm going to give 8.5.
03:47Spectacular.
03:48I was going to give it a 7.
03:49Well, you know you should take that sweatshirt off, you know.
03:52I don't know why I thought you were shorter.
03:54Of course you are.
03:56I love the way they're answering the phones.
03:58I saw a congratulations story.
04:00Oh, perfect.
04:01I will tell them about it.
04:02That's so exciting.
04:03What are we thinking?
04:04Such mom and pop, like, local flair.
04:07Pressure's on.
04:12Thanks, man.
04:13I'll try not to get too emotional, but, I mean, you're coming at a good time for us.
04:16It's just been hard, man.
04:17This is an 8.1 pie.
04:18Don't ever get it.
04:19I may start selling those shirts.
04:20Don't ever get wheat, gelato, ice cream.
04:22They're open.
04:23What did you do?
04:249?
04:259.0?
04:26I haven't eaten yet.
04:27What do you got?
04:28I love this place, and I think you're great, and I'm just being weird.
04:33Sorry.
04:34This pizza could strut its ass down the runway, and I would be one of those guys, like, cocking
04:37my head to look at her ass.
04:39If you see Dave, get Matt or Mike.
04:42You live in a farm 10 minutes away from a toy store selling solar panels?
04:46You guys being human traffic?
04:48I'm sorry.
04:49The owner's on his way.
04:50He's one of the three brothers.
04:51They call him the Three Kings.
04:52Get over here and give me a fucking hug.
04:54You're up 7 at 8.1?
04:555 at 8.2, brother.
04:56You got one more brother to try, though.
04:58Mike.
04:59Thank you, Dave.
05:00Got hijacked.
05:01The Three Short Kings.
05:02You didn't get hijacked.
05:03We negotiated a term.
05:048.3.
05:051, 2, 3.
05:06Thank you, Dave!
05:07Thank you, Dave!
05:08These three bozos.
05:09All great.
05:10I think you do like the armor man, too.
05:11You want me to give it a bad score?
05:12No!
05:13These guys have nailed my style.
05:14You're going to get busy.
05:15You'll get busy.
05:16All right.
05:17Benny Cameron, big fan.
05:18Said, God bless Captain Dave.
05:19People were worried about Captain Dave.
05:20Benny Cameron.
05:21David Portnoy.
05:22I'm glad to see this guy is still alive.
05:23He had a close call.
05:24Miss Peaches wasn't with you, though.
05:25She wasn't, thank God.
05:26I thought I was with you all the time.
05:27You take a picture with you?
05:28Yes.
05:29Yep.
05:36Nice to meet you guys.
05:37Good luck.
05:38Thank you, Dave.
05:41Thank you for coming in here.
05:44Thank you, Dave.
05:48Listen, I knew I was in the middle of a thank you off.
05:49Two thank yous in.
05:50I'm like, I'm going to fucking bash these guys up the head with thank yous.
05:51This is ten bucks.
05:52This is the America I know.
05:53New category.
05:54Value pizza of the year.
05:55Ten bucks.
05:56Half price Monday night pizza.
05:57Half price Monday night pizza.
05:58Anything else?
05:59Or you can reach out to me.
06:00I'll give you a call.
06:01All right.
10:32Fuck, there's 60 dimes right there, but whatever.
10:33I'm a nice motherfucker.