Registration of the first theatre program by the Dutch comedian Ronald Goedemondt. | dG1fY0FHbUdqMmJES0U
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm not racist. I'm more of an ethnic paranoid.
00:09For me, there are only two kinds of people on earth.
00:14Two kinds of people on earth.
00:16People who dare to sneeze.
00:21If they have to sneeze, of course, bam, everything out.
00:25And there are people who, if they have to sneeze,
00:28use their head as a kind of container of the Explosive Cleaning Service.
00:41When do you learn to sneeze like that? When?
00:44Are there parents who walk around, almost see their child sneezing,
00:47and I put my hand on my mouth and...
00:50Ah, look at that eye, yes!
00:57We're not all equal.
00:59Equal, maybe, but certainly not equal.
01:03I'm also half Italian in terms of body hair.
01:09Yes, that's a very abrupt limit for me.
01:13In film terms, it's, say, Nicole Kidman, Nicole Kidman, Nicole Kidman, Lassie.
01:20I don't have anything to do with that background.
01:24That whole Italian stuff.
01:26I don't speak that language. Never learned it.
01:29And Italians are just a stupid people.
01:32I've been to Italy once, I've been to Sicily once.
01:35To Palermo, to visit my family.
01:38Well, that was fun.
01:40I arrive there, no Italian speaks English.
01:43I don't speak Italian, so I arrive there and I'm like...
01:46And nothing.
01:49I was sitting in a corner of the room, talking to each other.
01:52One big chicken, all squawking.
01:54There are a lot of words I don't know the meaning of.
01:57Actually, all of them.
01:59But, for example, the word pancetta means bacon.
02:04And I didn't know that.
02:06And that's not a problem, but I'm sitting there,
02:09and all of a sudden, that word, pancetta, comes out of nowhere.
02:12And for some reason, it triggers something in me.
02:14I have to know what that means.
02:16And I'm like, okay Ronald, if you want to know what that means,
02:18ask your family.
02:20That's your family, right?
02:22And I'm like, okay.
02:23So I ask an Italian uncle of mine,
02:25what is pancetta?
02:26What is pancetta?
02:28And the first thing that uncle does, when I ask him that question,
02:30the first thing that every Italian does when you ask him a question,
02:32they start with their hands up and down.
02:36And again, with their hands up and down.
02:38As if they can say at the same time,
02:40Yatse!
02:47But they don't do that, they don't do that.
02:51This is the final answer of that uncle to that question.
02:54I asked him pancetta.
02:55This is his final answer.
02:58PANCETTA!
03:03That's it!
03:06He just kept looking at me for a long time.
03:08That's the Italian way of answering,
03:10repeating the question.
03:13Lotto weekend millionaires in Italy,
03:15they don't have a bag on them.
03:17Then comes the quiz master with all the questions on his card.
03:20And now, the last question.
03:22Gentlemen, attention.
03:24What is pancetta?
03:28Salami?
03:32Well, mortadella?
03:35Cheese?
03:36Speck?
03:40Speck?
03:43Or pancetta?
03:50I'll call for help, ok?
03:52Ok, ok. Thank you, thank you.
03:55Paolo, Paolo, Maurizio here.
03:57What is pancetta?
04:03Thank you, thank you.
04:05Pancetta!
04:09That's right!
04:11It's time for another Millionaire Lotto Weekend!
04:13And the whole audience...
04:16Because everyone already knows the answer!
04:18What a stupid cloud!