Wondering "What if?" Waste of time 'yan! Lessons in letting go

2 days ago

The opposite of acceptance is control."

Dumadating talaga ang mga pagkakataong kailangan mong mag-let go ng tao, bagay o pangyayaring naging bahagi ng iyong buhay. Pero paano? Tama behavior ba ang pagkontrol sa ganitong challenging na sitwasyon dahil iniisip natin, "What if...?"

Posible nga bang magkaroon ng acceptance pagkatapos mag-let go?

Alamin kung bakit may mga pagkakataong hindi tamang isiping "What if" kasama ang ating safe space na si Doc Anna.

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Transcript

00:00How about letting go of your dreams?

00:02That's a big one.

00:04It's a big one for us.

00:06They let go of their dream job,

00:09their dream path in life,

00:11right?

00:12You know, like letting go of

00:14not having a family,

00:16or you know,

00:18how do you let go of a dream?

00:20When we talk about acceptance

00:22and the opposite of it,

00:23which is control,

00:25anything within our control

00:28that we can do,

00:30those are the things that we can commit to.

00:33On the other hand,

00:35the things that we can't control,

00:37right?

00:38For example,

00:39the dreams that we talk about,

00:40for example,

00:41unfortunately,

00:42for some reason,

00:43that dream can no longer happen

00:46and it is within,

00:47outside of our control.

00:49We need to accept it.

00:51Maybe it's not up to others,

00:53but as a fellow practitioner,

00:54I think it's important to say

00:56the opposite of acceptance is control.

00:58Because I don't think a lot of people realize

01:00that that's the opposite.

01:01One misconception they have is

01:03if I don't accept it,

01:05then it means I'm still solving it.

01:07That's why a lot of people think

01:09to accept is to give up,

01:11is to be passive,

01:12is to resign,

01:14to something like,

01:16okay, I'll just accept it.

01:17Especially in Tagalog,

01:18you can really feel the passivity.

01:20Okay, I'll just accept it.

01:21Right?

01:22They say,

01:23you're being so martyred.

01:24Correct.

01:25Yes, yes.

01:26You know that there are these gatekeepers

01:29in every job,

01:31dream job, etc.

01:33And actually,

01:34the more we accept

01:35that we don't have control there,

01:37then you say,

01:38it's a waste of time

01:39because time is precious.

01:40Right?

01:41Because the time we spend

01:42wishing on the what-ifs,

01:44we can use that towards the things

01:46that we really have control over.

01:48You say,

01:49okay,

01:50if this doesn't work for this company,

01:51let's say my dream job is tied

01:53to a specific company.

01:54Correct.

01:55And at least for the moment,

01:56for the present,

01:57there's no movement

01:59in terms of actualizing that dream.

02:02In other words,

02:03let's not say,

02:04not because it didn't happen there,

02:06it can't happen ever.

02:08So for example,

02:10that's right,

02:11we have a dream we want,

02:12but it's not really the timing today.

02:14My first question to that person is,

02:16why do you want that?

02:17What is going on inside of you

02:20that really pushes you

02:21to pursue that?

02:23Let's not waste it

02:24because it's true to you.

02:26It's important to you.

02:27Let's look for other ways

02:29or options

02:30that will still be true to yourself,

02:33but to other things

02:35that you already have control over.

02:36Right?

02:37Because what happens

02:38when we ruminate

02:39or we focus on the things

02:41that we can control,

02:42again,

02:43we're more stuck.

02:44Meaning,

02:45if it was before,

02:47if it was before,

02:48and then,

02:49and then,

02:50because you start to negotiate

02:52with something you cannot change,

02:54you're basically putting

02:56less and less hope in you.

02:58Right?

02:59So acceptance to me is like this,

03:02you see it for what it is,

03:04instead of wasting your energy

03:07changing it,

03:08you're gonna use that energy

03:10to cope through it.

03:12Right?

03:13Meaning,

03:14we can't change it.

03:15We need to accept the fact

03:16that this is what it is.

03:18And acceptance-commitment therapy

03:20is, for me,

03:21the most effective way

03:22to understand yourself as well.

03:24Because it's not like

03:26we're teaching people,

03:28even to ourselves,

03:29that the problem of life

03:31won't go away.

03:33Right?

03:34We can't avoid it.

03:36And then sometimes,

03:37if they haven't really,

03:39they're not there yet,

03:41they've completely moved on

03:43or accepted the whole,

03:45it's a process of grieving

03:47when you end something

03:48or when you let go of a dream.

03:50Right?

03:51There's grief as well.

03:52But if they're not there yet,

03:54you'll just say,

03:55let's just accept that

03:56you're impatient.

03:58Accept the impatience

03:59without judgment,

04:00with kindness.

04:01It's okay,

04:02I know this is what

04:03I need to go through

04:04and I'm also accepting

04:06that there is impatience in here.

04:08That's why it's even harder.

04:10Correct.

04:11That's a really nice one.

04:13Just accept that this is

04:14what you're feeling today.

04:15Yeah.

04:16I agree with that.

Wondering "What if?" Waste of time 'yan! Lessons in letting go | Share Ko Lang

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