Criar es entender, no imponer.
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00:00We had a debate because finally it is up to where the punishment should come, the sanction, how we teach our children.
00:08I think we should review the video and soon here we will also debate it.
00:22His daughter left without permission.
00:24He went to look for her at the disco and he takes her out this way.
00:28Now, when one says, the children take the choro out of the basket.
00:32How should I teach them, how to do so that they do not make these mistakes again and finally I do it to take care of them?
00:39Well, not even with the petal of a rose.
00:42Pay attention to that, because that is typified in our law.
00:46To children, already under 14 years old, to think that teenagers are between 14 and 17 years old, they cannot be hit.
00:56And this also ends up being a situation that is tremendously complex when it is public.
01:02But I want to ask you, Maribel Corcuera, when we try to teach, to guide them in the best way,
01:08and the truth is that a lot of tools are missing, because that is a reality and it is finally what happens in our society.
01:14How to act?
01:15Well, first, not hitting them.
01:17Never in life.
01:19Because I always tell parents, what would you do if you are at work, you did not do something right and your boss hits you?
01:26For example, in a studio they grab you by the belt, what do you do?
01:29You can not stand it.
01:30A social obligation.
01:31That is, one goes and denounces that, right?
01:34Yes.
01:35Therefore, how can it be that if one as an adult could not stand it, we are going to do that to our own children?
01:41Yes.
01:42That is an impressive thing.
01:43Yes, there are people who also tend to think that they are not little,
01:48they have diapers, a pat on the butt, so that they do not do, I do not know, the typical tantrum.
01:54No.
01:55But it is never, it is never.
01:57That is, nor the pat on the butt, nor the ear pull, nor the hair pull, nor the phrase,
02:02Oh, when I was a girl they hit me and I had no trauma.
02:06I believe that if any human being can choose, I would choose not to hit him ever.
02:11There are complete generations who justify themselves with that.
02:14Well, and it is not a justification.
02:16No one should be hit.
02:18There is a phrase that I always say, that to educate is not to punish, and to give affection is not to misbehave.
02:25One can educate by giving a lot of love.
02:28What happens is that, unfortunately, you say there are few tools for parents,
02:34and the truth is that there is very little information because it is not well known how children work.
02:39Yes.
02:40Therefore, many times they believe that there is a pat on the butt when there is no pat on the butt.
02:43For example, in the case of the video that we were watching, I am going to do something hypothetical because we do not know the whole story well,
02:49but what were the permissions with this little girl?
02:52Did they let her out or not?
02:54Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
02:56Was it something that was clear?
02:58Sometimes they left her alone, sometimes not.
03:00So one of the first things is that, as parents, we have to be super consistent.
03:04That is, the rule is very clear.
03:06The rule is very clear, but define how we are going to raise our children.
03:09What is it that I care about?
03:10I want to have children who are excellent in school, who have only seven, and that's what I care about.
03:14I want to have children who are super good people.
03:17I want to have super sporty children.
03:19I don't know.
03:20But define how I want to raise my children.
03:23Because a little, incredibly, that is improvised.
03:27I can tell you another phrase that we have to impose, that no one teaches us to be a father.
03:32Yes, it is taught.
03:34I teach.
03:35Yes.
03:36I teach.
03:37I teach that.
03:38This is an opportunity.
03:39Look, it also draws attention, because this video went viral.
03:42Of course, most of the comments are against what the mother did with her daughter,
03:46because in addition to hitting her, she humiliated her in public.
03:49Imagine, the humiliation also multiplied, because this video went viral and many of us are watching it.
03:55But a comment appears, which I want Maribel to review as well,
03:59because this is the comment that draws my attention,
04:01because many people tend to think that this act is finally justified.
04:08Look, let's see, the comment is here.
04:10It says,
04:11Lady, my respect and admiration is an example of a mother.
04:14That is to be aware of a child.
04:16That is to love and love a child.
04:18I wish they hit the man that way and he feels so dear and loved,
04:23as they say that one feels when he is beaten.
04:25That is not like that.
04:26That is not a way of loving and caring for children.
04:29The question is, what happened?
04:31Let's suppose that the little girl had the perfect upbringing,
04:35but something happened that started this party.
04:37Ask her first, what happened here?
04:40Why did you leave?
04:42In fact, now we say she humiliated her publicly,
04:45but most likely it must have been regulated.
04:48That is, if that is what the mother shows,
04:50what will happen inside when no one is seeing her?
04:52Of course.
04:53Watch out there.
04:54Therefore, we have to start when our children,
04:58both children and adolescents,
05:00especially adolescents,
05:01that one is a little more surprised with the things they do,
05:04first ask, what happened?
05:05Why did you do it?
05:07What is the story behind this?
05:09And from there start talking,
05:11because if there is no trust that we can have with our children,
05:14the only thing that will happen is that they will go further away.
05:18Because naturally in adolescence,
05:20children need to move away a little from their parents
05:22to go from adult children.
05:24If there is no trust and we live with the punishment,
05:27they will only go further away.
05:28How do we amend the path?
05:30Because look, maybe Jairo,
05:31who also comes as an activator and teacher today,
05:34Jairo, you must know a lot about this,
05:36because you also have little girls,
05:38especially when we already eliminate,
05:40we eliminate within the possibilities of hitting him,
05:42even if it is a slap in the face.
05:44Look, my dad told me this.
05:46From the same source,
05:48no sweet and salty water can come out.
05:50If I use my brother to give affection to my daughter,
05:53hug her, cuddle her, be with her,
05:55I can't use the same hands to hit.
05:57And also what I told you in the morning,
05:59when you love something,
06:01you don't hurt it, you don't hit it.
06:03But I would like to ask Maribel a question,
06:05because obviously I act that way with my little girls,
06:08I am also learning to be a father.
06:11But many times it becomes difficult for me
06:15how to solve some problems that I have with them,
06:19how to control them,
06:22how to calm down those attitudes that should not be.
06:26Because the mother is the one who sets the rules a little more,
06:28the father, I am a little more ...
06:30to play with her.
06:32But something happens to me with that.
06:34Before I answer, Maribel,
06:36what happens is that your situation is unfair.
06:38It's very unfair, I know, because Chelsea spends a lot of time with her.
06:40Yes, but you can't carry her hand,
06:42I think that parents have to be aligned and act the same.
06:44Because she's going to be the witch, and you, the father ...
06:46That's why, Priscila, I'm asking Maribel for help,
06:49so that she can guide me and many parents who live it this way.
06:52Well, the first thing, just like Pris ...
06:54I won't let it pass.
06:55That's it, that's the first thing.
06:57Parents have to be aligned in how they are going to raise their children.
07:00Whether they are together or separated.
07:02If both are part of the upbringing of the children,
07:05they have to be aligned.
07:07It doesn't matter at the end of the day what they decide.
07:10If we want the best student in the course,
07:13or we want the best sportsman,
07:15or we don't want him to ever get angry,
07:17etc., etc., etc.,
07:19we have to always be aligned.
07:21Now, if you have to raise a child alone,
07:24you have to be very consistent with what you say and what you do,
07:28which often happens.
07:31So, first you have to know that in most cases,
07:36the well-known pataletas are not pataletas,
07:39but in the case of ...
07:42my little Jairo, in this minute, with our clothes,
07:46is that if your wife, for example,
07:51or you let, I'm going to make up anything,
07:53you let your little girls play with the phone
07:56until ten o'clock at night.
07:58Yes.
07:59And then the mother comes and says,
08:01no, not with the phone, and they get angry.
08:05What wouldn't get angry if they told you,
08:07you have to be here at half past one,
08:09and you arrive at half past one, and they tell you,
08:10but how can you imagine if you had to be here at twelve?
08:12Would you get angry or not?
08:13A lot.
08:14A lot.
08:15That's how it is.
08:17Therefore, it's not worth it.
08:19I want to say something else.
08:21Deep down, does it correspond that the two challenge
08:25in the same way and at the same level?
08:27It is that the ideal is that it is not challenged,
08:30because if the rules are very clear,
08:32there would be no need for a challenge.
08:34Ah, but that's an ideal.
08:35Generally, if sometimes it is achieved.
08:37Now, more than punishment, there may be consequences.
08:41Okay?
08:42For example, let's suppose that I don't let my son
08:45play with his cell phone, and I see that he took it out
08:48and played hide and seek.
08:50The same thing has to be in the conversation.
08:52What happened?
08:53Why did you take it out?
08:54But there may be a consequence,
08:56because we all have consequences in life
08:58if we do something that doesn't correspond.
09:00Today we know that if we drive and see the cell phone,
09:04a part of it will go to us, right?
09:06Therefore, there we have to look for something.
09:08For example, this week there is no television.
09:11But the ideal is that these things are announced before.
09:14Have you noticed that when a new law of transit appears,
09:18mainly, there is a time of white march?
09:21So, with the children we also have to have a white march.
09:24Because, all of a sudden,
09:26putting a sanction that they didn't know was going to exist,
09:29and a consequence that they didn't know was going to be,
09:31maybe they wouldn't have done what they did.
09:33So, that's why it's very good to plan things,
09:35and then, if they happen, there is the consequence.
09:38It has already been discussed, it has already been said.
09:40Look, the girls are attentive.
09:41Clarissa is asking for the floor.
09:43We are listening to you.
09:45Hey, we are all listening, yes.