• 21 hours ago
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Transcript
00:00:00oh my god she's insane what are you doing here
00:00:17you set me up you stay away from me you're insane
00:00:21i can't let you ruin my wedding miss leanne you and asher are you're a great couple i'm sorry leanne
00:00:36but you've gotta go
00:00:41they say that sex ruins everything
00:00:52oh and sometimes they're right how was that baby awesome
00:01:00we done here yeah i think i did my job
00:01:14we done here yeah baby you're the best you were amazing was it good for you
00:01:22awesome what's your name again
00:01:26money we need to talk what i'm breaking up with you
00:01:34what you mean you are breaking up with me i mean i'm breaking up with you
00:01:40this isn't working out goodbye honey
00:01:46i can't do this anymore what do you mean you were breaking up with me
00:01:49i mean i'm breaking up with you this isn't working out but take care of monique
00:02:03what am i doing
00:02:05hmm
00:02:12so i tell her dude that's not a pickle that's an okra like seriously
00:02:21so she goes totally bonkers on my brother i mean i don't even know what i saw in him in the first
00:02:26place how about you and i and you're just excuse me for a moment i'll be right back
00:02:38so i was thinking how about we get out of here and go back to my place sorry i'll be right back
00:02:57oh damn it i'm so sorry
00:03:05oh my god asher yeah what are you doing oh i'm drowning my sorrows here
00:03:13do you want a drink
00:03:21how did i ever lose touch with my undergrad bff
00:03:25life i guess we should vow to never let that happen again
00:03:29pinky swear pinky swear friends forever stop doing that
00:03:38we should vow to never let that happen again pinky swear pinky swear friends forever
00:03:45stop doing that
00:03:46thank you oh what about work i actually just started a new job i'm doing marketing at gen
00:03:58guard small world they're our biggest client no way wait what do you do i work at a software
00:04:07development startup hey
00:04:18what about your love life what what about your love life oh my god years of bad sex
00:04:26with jerks a lifetime of one night stands with shallow women cheers mate
00:04:31how about we
00:04:38stop it no hey we're friends well if you ever do want an earth-shattering orgasm i'm your man
00:04:47sex ruins everything yeah i suppose you're right
00:04:51come on i'll be your wing woman though and i'll be your wing man
00:05:21so
00:05:41i can't remember the last time i had this much fun
00:05:44i can't remember the last time i laughed this hard i think i peed myself a little bit
00:05:51i have that effect on women
00:05:58i forgot how pretty you are thanks i think
00:06:05let's never lose touch again
00:06:07so
00:06:11friends forever
00:06:14friends forever
00:06:37so
00:06:48uh
00:07:06so
00:07:11so
00:07:35let's do that again
00:07:41oh my god what are you doing here i don't know what am i doing here oh my head
00:07:56my head feels like there's banging nails resting on my brain
00:08:00hey that makes sense we're here what no no no no no no no bad idea
00:08:12last night was a bad idea why because asher you're one of my best friends
00:08:22fuck sex ruins everything i suppose you're right
00:08:26but still but still
00:08:33i have a proposition what friends with benefits
00:08:40sex without strings you do you i do me and we do each other
00:08:47okay
00:08:59okay sold
00:09:00and
00:09:03plenty of benefits
00:09:16so
00:09:28and i'll need the marketing report for the fourth quarter
00:09:38hello ladies asher
00:09:42you two know each other yeah um we are we know each other from college he's one of my best
00:09:52friends what are you doing here he's here to see my father wait what daddy owns the company
00:09:59i know i actually own the company i work at he's worth billions and here i thought i knew
00:10:06everything about you i've been busy since college clearly listen i gotta run but
00:10:14talk to you later sure good to see you beth you too
00:10:23oh what a man
00:10:26oh
00:10:35what's this i took the liberty of drawing up a forensic benefits contract
00:10:40a contract it outlines the parameters of our relationship okay article one nobody knows
00:10:48it might get in the way of us seeing other people good point article two we meet at a
00:10:53mutually agreed upon place at a mutually agreed upon time okay article three honesty
00:11:00and transparency are a must agreed article four no lies no lies
00:11:11article five once one party sleeps with another person the agreement is over
00:11:18i don't like that one gets too complicated otherwise
00:11:26fine and finally
00:11:34friends first friends first
00:11:39so
00:12:09so
00:12:39so
00:12:43no i think the wife did it and i think you're insane no you do
00:12:55will you go out with me what on a date like will you go on a date with me a real one no
00:13:09i mean no the contract uh forget the contract no friends first remember
00:13:19sex romance it ruins everything
00:13:25i'm sure you mean way too much to me for that
00:13:39come on
00:13:45friends first
00:13:53friends first
00:14:04associate seven tonight yes you look
00:14:09okay
00:14:20he asked me out he asked me out breathe breathe i've been crushing on him for so long
00:14:28on asher yes he asked you out yes on a date yes yes yes will you grab a coffee with me later
00:14:36because you two are such good friends you can give me some tips oh um yeah okay i gotta go
00:14:46getting a mighty penny ready for the big fight i'm totally freaking out
00:14:52bye
00:14:53where was he born philadelphia philadelphia uh favorite food um
00:15:11he likes hot fudge sundaes
00:15:17i like your pen i've never seen that color before
00:15:20daddy has a made for me special it's my favorite color heliotrope purple
00:15:25what about sports
00:15:29but why don't you just ask him this yourself on your date
00:15:32i can't do that if i'm gonna marry this man he's gotta think we're meant to be
00:15:38mary you got a problem with that
00:15:42why are the two of you never hooked up anyhow me and asher
00:15:54no no no never he's we're we're friends we're best friends good by the way i love your outfit
00:16:04where'd you get it oh mason's on third super cute okay let's carry on uh siblings
00:16:12and being an only child i was an only child as well really cool anyhow being an only child
00:16:23my parents sent me to art camp in philadelphia i was born in philly shut up it's my favorite city
00:16:32where was the school um i
00:16:36uh can i interest you in some dessert
00:16:45how about we um share a hot fudge sundae that is my favorite dessert
00:16:55i can't believe how much we have in common
00:16:57you
00:17:01i had a wonderful time i really hope we can do this again that would be great good night
00:17:13oh my okay thank you
00:17:16um
00:17:21i should really head out thank you uh take care why don't you come up
00:17:29and i will fuck you it's within an inch of your life
00:17:36i don't think that would be such a good idea why because i've sworn off one night stands
00:17:43i'm i'm a one-night stand no no it uh that's not what i meant it's just sex ruins everything
00:17:52let's wait so it can be perfect yeah
00:18:01yes
00:18:05okay toodles
00:18:12um beth it was nice we have a lot in common
00:18:22are you jealous no
00:18:30did you um did you sleep together no but not for a lack of her trying
00:18:39beth she's an animal oh god stop it besides i don't want to ruin our arrangement
00:18:48not for beth you don't yeah my days of one night stands are over i want to wait just in case she
00:18:54is the one you never know i want to get off on the right foot
00:19:00i'm never getting married i'm ready to settle down
00:19:08oh you do you to each his own agree did you steal my fudge
00:19:19come on it's my strawberry all right
00:19:30okay
00:19:35that was rude
00:19:59so
00:20:08you do not have feelings for asher you will not have feelings for asher true love does not exist
00:20:18you will only get hurt he is your friend don't blow it friendship first
00:20:26leanne lamont you do not have feelings for asher you will not have feelings for asher
00:20:32true love does not exist you will only get hurt he is your friend don't blow it
00:20:41friendship first
00:20:42true love does not exist
00:20:44leanne lamont
00:21:11hey shit i'm so sorry uh my bad my fault hang on
00:21:24you got a tissue
00:21:29here let me hey what are you doing stop clucking me oh i didn't realize hey asher eric
00:21:42okay well see you guys later
00:21:49here thank you
00:21:53um i'm leanne by the way i'm eric
00:22:05that was fun yeah was that fun or was eric fun
00:22:12both okay you gotta watch out for him he's a player so what i think i can't handle myself
00:22:20no that's not what i'm saying oh my god are you jealous no i'm not jealous why would i be jealous
00:22:30we're friends with benefits remember yeah you don't have to be a dick about okay i'm not being
00:22:38a dick you're just making another bad choice
00:22:44i can handle myself yeah fine be that way
00:22:52you know maybe things are getting too complicated
00:22:56maybe we need to end this arrangement maybe you're so shut down that you can only date
00:23:05asshole men maybe you should go fuck yourself
00:23:14maybe i will
00:23:27flowers for mrs lean lemon that's me oh my god thank you
00:23:36i'm eric
00:23:43what are you doing here had a meeting with best dad
00:23:50that's from eric yes
00:23:57they're nice
00:23:58listen um i'm really sorry about last night i was out of line no no i was out of line
00:24:12i'm so sorry about the slap oh my god yeah i deserved it
00:24:21friends forever
00:24:24friends forever
00:24:28dinner later sounds awesome
00:24:51someone's on a good mood oh it's just i'm just so happy you know leanne i think i like asher a lot
00:25:08i think he could be the one oh i think i'm falling in love you only just started dating
00:25:16have you ever had a connection that's just so deep so immediate that you just know
00:25:25yeah that's us you know he told me he wants us to wait for sex he says he wants to build a strong
00:25:35foundation first
00:25:39i hope you're not jealous oh no i don't know i i just want him to be happy
00:25:47by the way i love your lipstick it's so unique what color is it
00:25:52it paris pink i love it anyway gotta go toodles
00:26:07why are you so down what's wrong
00:26:12nothing famous last words is it attic
00:26:18of course not how's beth by the way she thinks that you're gonna settle down with her
00:26:26yeah you never know
00:26:30give me your hand i'll tell you what's gonna happen come on okay okay this is your lifeline
00:26:41it's long so you have a nice long life okay this is your headline for wisdom
00:26:50and looks like you have done some stupid things
00:26:58and this is your love line so you've got a rocky beginning over here
00:27:05but you have a long line of love ahead of you
00:27:10so
00:27:14so
00:27:32you want to go home and fuck great idea
00:27:44so
00:28:14um looks like we had fun last night
00:28:35you have a key
00:28:36i was thinking
00:28:43hmm
00:29:01oh nice trick right yeah
00:29:06uh
00:29:11who is that i have no idea hello your front door was unlocked i brought dough
00:29:24so
00:29:31that's how could you
00:29:39beth wait beth oh fuck what have i done
00:29:45what do you mean what have you done beth it's not what it looks like
00:29:54so
00:29:59hey what are you doing i'm leaving i'm getting dressed i'm going i'm feeling kind of yucky i'm
00:30:05sorry okay you didn't do anything it was me i fucked up you said it wasn't serious it wasn't
00:30:12it isn't it doesn't matter i fucked up whatever it is it was i fucked it up okay
00:30:19so i guess it's time for us to end this friends with benefits thing
00:30:30yeah
00:30:36friends first
00:30:40hey beth go away
00:30:48i need to talk to you
00:30:52i fire her if you don't let me go
00:30:56i'm sorry
00:31:00i'm sorry
00:31:04i'm sorry
00:31:06i fire her except daddy said we'd get sued you on the other hand i don't want to speak to you
00:31:14ever again it's not what you think okay it was a stupid game friends with benefits but
00:31:19it's over now okay i promise
00:31:29do you love her of course not okay she means nothing to me
00:31:33really hey i want to see what happens between us you and me please give me another chance
00:31:52i suppose
00:31:56okay
00:32:04so
00:32:11leanne it's me again don't know why you're avoiding me uh i'm so confused friends forever
00:32:18remember eric hi i'm sorry if it's been a while and i've been out of touch but
00:32:30but i would love to see you again if you're up for it
00:32:44asher asher it's me i haven't heard from you in like four hours what's going on
00:32:49are you with leanne call me
00:33:00you
00:33:04okay leanne i don't know what i did to drive you away but i'll leave you alone now
00:33:10if you ever want to be friends again you know where to find me
00:33:30um it's eric leave a message hey eric um i just wanted to say that i had a great time
00:33:43the other night and i wanted to see what you were doing later asher asher where are you
00:33:49why won't you call me back i know you're with her you lied to me
00:33:53okay miss you call me bye
00:34:03beth i got your 35 messages uh listen i'd really like to get to know you better and
00:34:10spend some time with you but maybe we need to slow things down a bit i'll call you when i can
00:34:23uh
00:34:44hey babe slow down
00:34:48okay
00:34:52to love
00:34:56wait love sucks
00:35:02okay i think we've had enough
00:35:07how about we head back to my place
00:35:13fabulous
00:35:13oh easy
00:35:43um
00:36:14i'm just so happy to see you again yeah i'm sorry i've been aloof just been going through
00:36:21some stuff you want to talk about it baby no that's okay just life is it leanne i don't
00:36:28want to talk about leanne you know her and eric have gotten hot and heavy i thought she wasn't
00:36:34into eric well when i was out and about this morning i saw her leaving eric's apartment
00:36:39and i want to look like her clothes from last night no way she would never he's he's a knob
00:36:47which is why
00:36:50i grabbed a photo i guess she's not the same you think she is
00:37:09and
00:37:39so
00:38:09so
00:38:18so
00:38:38what the fuck leanne how could you miss that sorry i'm trying my best hey
00:38:43hey your best isn't good enough he causes the game okay hey you've had too much to do
00:38:49don't tell me what to do woman she can handle herself remember that part of your life everyone
00:38:56asher the loser so embarrassing
00:39:03fucking prick come here
00:39:05so
00:39:09come on
00:40:04Are you breaking up with me?
00:40:23I wouldn't call it breaking up.
00:40:25We only just got back together.
00:40:29Beth, we were never together.
00:40:32I mean, we went out like six times.
00:40:36You said you wanted to see where things went.
00:40:38Yes, and unfortunately they went in another direction.
00:40:42I'm so sorry.
00:40:43I never meant to hurt you.
00:40:46You're fired.
00:40:48You can't fire me.
00:40:49I don't work at your company and I own mine.
00:40:52I'll fire Leanne.
00:40:53You can't.
00:40:54She'll sue.
00:40:55You're a terrific girl and I really enjoyed our time together.
00:41:01And more than anything, I truly hope that we can remain friends.
00:41:06Yeah.
00:41:08Ahh!
00:41:10Ahh!
00:41:12Ahh!
00:41:14Ahh!
00:41:16Ahh!
00:41:18Ahh!
00:41:20Ahh!
00:41:22Ahh!
00:41:24Ahh!
00:41:26Ahh!
00:41:28Ahh!
00:41:31Ahh!
00:41:33Ahh!
00:42:00Ahh!
00:42:02Ahh!
00:42:04Ahh!
00:42:06Ahh!
00:42:08Ahh!
00:42:10Ahh!
00:42:12Ahh!
00:42:14Ahh!
00:42:16Ahh!
00:42:18Ahh!
00:42:20Ahh!
00:42:22Ahh!
00:42:24Ahh!
00:42:26Ahh!
00:42:28Ahh!
00:42:30Ahh!
00:42:32Ahh!
00:42:34Ahh!
00:42:36Ahh!
00:42:52Hey, Eric.
00:42:54Thinking about you.
00:42:56When do you want to hook up?
00:43:00How about a hotel this time?
00:43:04We need to be super careful that Asher doesn't find out.
00:43:10Love, your friend with benefits, Leanne.
00:43:14XOXO.
00:43:20When Asher reads this text, he's definitely going to want to break up with you, Leanne.
00:43:27I can't believe you think I'm lying.
00:43:29Then how do you explain this text?
00:43:31I don't know. I didn't send it.
00:43:34You've been sneaking around with Eric and accidentally sent me a text meant for him.
00:43:41How could you be so stupid?
00:43:43I am not seeing Eric.
00:43:46Why would I cheat on you? You're my lover. You're my best friend.
00:43:51Clearly not.
00:43:54I am not a cheater.
00:43:57I did not send that text and I don't know how it got there, but if you want to break up over this, then fine.
00:44:07I do.
00:44:11Okay.
00:44:23I do.
00:44:47I will, I will, I will!
00:44:53I do!
00:44:59Wondering if you prefer cream puffs or cheesecake for the dessert? Or both? Thoughts?
00:45:07Please, don't marry him. You don't love her. You're rebounding.
00:45:13I'm thinking chartreuse and pink for the bridesmaids. Thoughts?
00:45:22A string quartet instead of a jazz trio. Thoughts?
00:45:27They say he's the photographer to the stars. Thoughts?
00:45:43Seat your uncle Harold next to my second cousin once removed. I think they'd really get along because it turns out that they both have the same dog. Did you know that? It's crazy!
00:45:59Oh my god.
00:46:14Hello! Did you, uh, get my messages?
00:46:22You're gonna love the photographer. He's awesome. I have tons of dresses and shoes to try on for you and there's more with the doorman. Could you run down and grab them?
00:46:29Sure.
00:46:31Thanks.
00:46:43Beth, you have got to end this friendship once and for all.
00:47:02You are gone, Leanne Lamont. Once I'm done with this, he is never going to want to see you again. Ever.
00:47:14Our relationship to you and your company is officially terminated. Effective now.
00:47:22Wait, what?
00:47:24Our source indicates you've been selling Fallon Industries secrets to our competitors.
00:47:30Who's the source?
00:47:36Oh my god. Why would she do this?
00:47:39Lovers scorned, I suppose.
00:47:42No, it's not true. This will ruin me.
00:47:44You know, Asher, I have half a mind to call off your wedding to my Bethy Wethy this weekend. But she'd never speak to me again. So I'm stuck with you.
00:47:56Mr. Fallon, I swear, this isn't true.
00:48:00It doesn't matter at this point. It's already in the trades. You're toxic, Asher. Nobody will touch you.
00:48:10So now you get your ass out of my office.
00:48:21Asher?
00:48:22You bitch.
00:48:23What?
00:48:24You jealous bitch.
00:48:27What are you doing? What are you...
00:48:29I'm getting married to someone else on Saturday. So you got jealous and decided to ruin me.
00:48:34Honey?
00:48:35What are you talking about? I would never try to ruin you.
00:48:39Well, job well done.
00:48:41Okay, let's just figure this out.
00:48:43Stay away from me.
00:48:45Asher, you're one of my best friends.
00:48:49We are not friends. Okay? We are nothing.
00:48:53Stay away from me. Don't contact me. Don't speak to me. Don't look at me.
00:49:04You are dead to me.
00:49:34Asher?
00:49:35Asher?
00:49:36Asher?
00:49:37Asher?
00:49:38Asher?
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00:52:06Oh my god this is crazy,
00:52:11I didn't write this.
00:52:15Heliotrope purple…
00:52:20it was Beth.
00:52:25Heliotrope Purple. It was Beth. She's been trying to break us up all along.
00:52:37Oh my god. Wedding's on Saturday. I have to warn him.
00:52:42Come on, come on. It's true. Okay. Come on.
00:52:50Shit, he blocked me?
00:53:20Beth?
00:53:50Shit.
00:54:20Oh my god. She's insane.
00:54:31What are you doing here?
00:54:35Beth. You set me up. You've been trying to break us up, you bitch.
00:54:43I'd say you're in no position to be making accusations, but you're right. And I won.
00:54:51You stay away from me. You're insane.
00:54:58I'll scream.
00:54:59Nobody will hear you.
00:55:06Can't let you ruin my wedding, Leanne.
00:55:12I'm not going to ruin your wedding. I promise, Beth. Okay?
00:55:18You and Asher are... you're a great couple. He loves you.
00:55:26Why don't I just go away? I'll move. I'll quit my job. Just... please, Beth.
00:55:36Don't hurt me. Okay?
00:55:39I'm sorry, Leanne. But you've got to go.
00:55:50I'm sorry, Leanne. But you've got to go.
00:55:56No! No! Oh my god.
00:56:26Oh my god.
00:56:56No.
00:57:11Don't bother. That pipe's in there good. You're not going anywhere.
00:57:18You're crazy. You're never getting away with this.
00:57:22Oh, but I will. See, I'm getting married today, and then we'll go on our honeymoon, and when I get back, you'll be dead.
00:57:33I hear starvation is a long and painful death.
00:57:40You bitch. You bitch!
00:57:45Oh, and by the way, you're fired! Toodles!
00:58:15No! No!
00:58:43No!
00:59:03No!
00:59:33No!
00:59:41No, no, no, no. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:59:44No! Come on!
01:00:00Dearly beloved we're gathered here today in front of God and these witnesses to join in stop
01:00:10Dearly beloved we're gathered here today in front of God and these witnesses to join in stop
01:00:21What are you doing here keep going fast what's going on Beth
01:00:25Security take this woman away. She's clearly deranged come on dearly beloved. We are gathered here today. Let's go finish it mr.
01:00:33Fallon
01:00:35Your daughter wrote this letter
01:00:37Not me on
01:00:38What she forged my signature what?
01:00:41It's completely absurd
01:00:46Is this true she's crazy security
01:00:49She confessed to it all last night right after she tried to kill me
01:00:58Asher you love me we're getting married today. Go go go
01:01:01Oh
01:01:31God did someone grab a chair
01:02:01Okay
01:02:08God did someone grab a chair
01:02:15Babe
01:02:16Hey, wake up, babe, baby. Wake up, baby. Hey, wake up. Wake up, baby
01:02:23man
01:02:29And it's all over
01:02:32I
01:02:36Am so sorry for everything I'm more sorry you saved me in my hero
01:02:47Sure, I love you. I love you
01:03:02Uh, but before I take you to the hospital, I have a question to ask you
01:03:17Will you marry me
01:03:31They say that sex ruins everything but sometimes it makes everything better

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