Join Mike Graham on YouTube every Friday at 7pm for Plank Of The Week.
Mike picks the planks with Alex Phillips, Russell Quirk, Ben Habib and Amanda Devlin.
00:00 - Sadiq Khan slams Brexit
04:18 - Government wastes £8 billion on TikTok dancing, queer animals and trans robots
08:48 - Keir Starmer wants to send soldiers to Ukraine
13:45 - Black LGBTQ actress Cynthia Erivo to play Jesus Christ
18:19 - David Tennant slams Donald Trump
21:33 - Children everywhere during half term
24:39 - JD Vance makes Munich Conference CEO Christophe Heusgen cry
30:02 - ISIS terrorist Farishta Jami insists on second mugshot
34:39 - UK welcomes Islamic radical preacher Mohamed Hoblos
38:25 - 'Woke' Doctor Who is facing the axe
42:20 - Labour's Jonathan Reynolds 'lies' about being a solicitor
Click here for more from Talk: https://talk.tv
If you need any help visit: https://talk.tv/helplines
#sadiqkhan #keirstarmer #wicked #doctorwho
Mike picks the planks with Alex Phillips, Russell Quirk, Ben Habib and Amanda Devlin.
00:00 - Sadiq Khan slams Brexit
04:18 - Government wastes £8 billion on TikTok dancing, queer animals and trans robots
08:48 - Keir Starmer wants to send soldiers to Ukraine
13:45 - Black LGBTQ actress Cynthia Erivo to play Jesus Christ
18:19 - David Tennant slams Donald Trump
21:33 - Children everywhere during half term
24:39 - JD Vance makes Munich Conference CEO Christophe Heusgen cry
30:02 - ISIS terrorist Farishta Jami insists on second mugshot
34:39 - UK welcomes Islamic radical preacher Mohamed Hoblos
38:25 - 'Woke' Doctor Who is facing the axe
42:20 - Labour's Jonathan Reynolds 'lies' about being a solicitor
Click here for more from Talk: https://talk.tv
If you need any help visit: https://talk.tv/helplines
#sadiqkhan #keirstarmer #wicked #doctorwho
Categoría
🗞
NoticiasTranscripción
00:00Live from London, it's Plank of the Week with Mike Graham.
00:08Good evening and welcome to Plank of the Week. I'm Mike Graham.
00:10And of course, this is the one place where you do not have to worry about being judgmental because we do it all for you.
00:15Alex Phillips is here. Welcome back, Alex. Russell Quirk is here, Ben Habib.
00:18And of course, Amanda Devlin, the star of showbiz and the bright lights of the big city.
00:24We should start right away with an old familiar face and an old familiar name.
00:28I don't mean you, Alex. I mean Sadiq Khan. I'm a young familiar face.
00:33And, you know, people just know me as Alex. I'm hardly any A-lister, am I?
00:37Good old Sadiq Khan, the governor of Karnastan.
00:41He's decided that not only does he want to be the governor of Karnastan, he actually wants to be, I don't know, emperor of all of Europe.
00:48And he's come out and said, we need to reopen Brexit talks because, you know,
00:52we've drifted away in the whole way to solve the world's crisis if we rejoin the EU.
00:56So he's just set it upon himself to go and do this.
00:59Yes. He doesn't care what Keir Starmer thinks. He doesn't care what the public thinks.
01:02No, he doesn't care. But even Keir Starmer doesn't want to rejoin the European Union, as far as he tells us anyway.
01:07But we've got something we don't normally do here.
01:09We've got actually a rant from somebody who's very, very good at this sort of thing. Have a look at this.
01:13Figure out how to make London transport work.
01:16Perhaps figure out how to stop people stabbing each other in broad daylight and looting the high street.
01:22Perhaps figure out how you get rid of all of the vape shops and the Turkish barbers
01:26and the American candy stores, which are money laundering units.
01:29Perhaps, my friend, you might want to figure out how London stops declining
01:34into a developing world hellhole before you decide that Britain should be rejoining the EU,
01:39you anti-democratic little twerp.
01:42Well, whoever that was. Whoever that was.
01:45Well done. Well said.
01:47Do you know what I love about Alex?
01:48Whoever she is, I love her.
01:49What I love about Alex is that you know she really means it.
01:52Of course. One of the most unusual pieces of news on Sadiq Khan.
01:56Why have you not got her on the show? Because she's clearly onto something.
01:59Because her blood pressure is soaring.
02:01Well, she's a little bit difficult to control when she's like that. You know, it's a bit frightening.
02:04Sadiq Khan today has said that President Trump is absolutely welcome to visit the United Kingdom.
02:12It's nice of him to give permission.
02:13It's nice of him to give permission. You might remember he wasn't always of this view.
02:17At one point he called him all sorts of horrible names, didn't he?
02:21And said that he didn't want him anywhere near the capital city of this town.
02:24And he allowed a balloon to be flown the last time he came to London.
02:28So he's obviously got some ambitions.
02:30I was given a theory the other day that he's sitting around.
02:33He's been quite quiet recently because he's just waiting for Keir Starmer
02:37to sort of fall off his perch.
02:38And then he's going to pump himself as the next leader of Labour Party.
02:41Yeah, next prime minister. Very, very, very possibly.
02:43I mean, apart from obviously what Alex has just rather well articulated
02:47in terms of all that is wrong with London and it being a consequence of Sadiq Khan.
02:51What on earth has Brexit got to do with the London Mayor?
02:54I mean, absolutely nothing. It's not his purview. It is not his lane.
02:59It has absolutely nothing to do with him whatsoever.
03:02When we were negotiating our so-called exit from the EU,
03:05he was shuttling backwards and forwards between London and Brussels,
03:08wanting to give Londoners associate citizenship. Do you remember that?
03:12I do remember that. He wants a sort of UDI for London.
03:16So that we can stand on our own and be part of the European Union.
03:19Like a Brexit for London, like a lexicon.
03:21But, you know, these people are basically traitors, let's call them for what they are,
03:24because we were negotiating at a sovereign level to rid ourselves of this institution.
03:28And there he was in amongst others from the Labour Party.
03:32And, of course, John Bercow, too, alongside him, continually undermining our position,
03:36shuttling off and saying all the wrong things and giving all the wrong signals
03:40to all the wrong people. Absolutely appalling.
03:43Yeah. And whenever he does appear on the show, which is pretty much every week,
03:46people keep asking the question, how does he keep getting re-elected?
03:49I think he's trying to get even re-elected one more time, isn't he?
03:52Do you know, no one actually turns out to vote. That's the thing.
03:54If you look at the number of people who voted for Brexit in London,
03:57it's actually more than the number of people who just voted for Sadiq Khan.
04:01And we've got to factor in turnouts and stuff.
04:03But the thing is, if he wants associate membership of London for the EU,
04:08he basically has to say to the EU, would you like Pakistan, Bangladesh, Somalia,
04:12in all these places to be in the EU? Because I'll tell you what,
04:15there are barely any British left in London anymore.
04:18It's very true. But the nonsense of that, that means you're going to end up like,
04:21I don't know, the Isle of Sheppey, the Isle of Man, the Canvey Isle,
04:24perhaps all wanting their own separate independent status within Europe.
04:28Well, I mean, there was a time, do you remember?
04:30There was a time, we're going to move on from this.
04:32There was a time when the Blair government didn't want to stop at Wales,
04:35Scotland and Northern Ireland. They wanted to give democracy to Newcastle.
04:40These people don't understand democracy.
04:41Yeah, it's ridiculous. Anyway, over to you, Russell,
04:43because what we could do as well as all of that is just give a load of money away
04:47to loads of other countries.
04:48And do you know what? That's exactly what we do.
04:50Excellent.
04:51So about £8 billion, that's £8,000 million of your money, your money, my money,
04:56our money is devoted, it seems, to causes that politicians would say, look,
05:01this foreign aid budget is really, really important in terms of making sure
05:04that we have our place in the world.
05:06Soft power.
05:07Yeah, we're helping to promote democracy and transparency and so on.
05:11What we're actually really doing, it seems, with that £8 billion of your money
05:14is the following. Spending £600,000 on an investigation into pregnant men.
05:20That won't take long, will it?
05:22No. It should have cost six quid, not £600,000 quid.
05:25£841,000 was awarded to a research project titled The Europe That Gay Porn Built.
05:33£194,000 on gay pig masculinities. I'll say that again.
05:37Gay pig.
05:38Gay pig masculinities, which actually then developed into a film called Oink.
05:43I'm not kidding. This is not April 1st.
05:45You haven't seen it, have you?
05:46No, I haven't. David Cameron might have.
05:48Shrimp farms in Bangladesh, which of course are famous now.
05:51£500,000, this is your favourite, Mike Graham, I know this,
05:54£500,000 on electric Porsches. They're about £90,000 each.
05:58So £500,000 in total to help the Albanian prison system.
06:02Why are there electric Porsches in the Albanian prison?
06:05Maybe to help fast getaways, escapees.
06:08You know what Albanians are like. Give them an inch, they're going to take a mile.
06:11It's like, do you want a cheque for your charitable work?
06:13Yeah, we need some Porsches.
06:14You guys are cleverer than me in so far as some of this stuff.
06:16So tell me what this is.
06:17Another grant included £1.1 million for the University of Sheffield
06:21for intersectional inclusion.
06:24Well, you'll have to ask Alex about that.
06:25What is that?
06:26Intersectional inclusion.
06:27Basically, it's the entire checklist of wokery.
06:30Every single letter in every single...
06:32It's the 72 gender thing.
06:33Yeah, but it's no intersectional. You've got 72 genders,
06:36but it's how this then intersects with amputees and lesbians
06:41and black people and Muslims and all the other categories.
06:44Intersexuality... I don't know.
06:46Intersectionality, sexuality...
06:48This was all coming from some organisation I'd never heard of, right?
06:50Because The Sun published all this this week.
06:52Because they also published the list of overseas aid,
06:55which was not £8 billion but £15 billion.
06:57And there was even more money going south.
06:59And in that, they were going £5 million
07:01for transforming feminist funding in Iraq.
07:05I don't think that's gone very well, has it?
07:07£9.5 million, accountability and inclusion in the Congo.
07:12I wonder if any of this money has made its way
07:14into the back pocket of the leaders of the Congo.
07:16International waste.
07:17And, yeah, look, just to put this into perspective,
07:20so that £8 billion, even just the foreign aid budget
07:22that seems to be largely wasted, that would pay for 267,000 nurses.
07:27Yeah. I mean, it is nonsense, isn't it?
07:29Gender disinformation conference in Kenya, 110,000.
07:33Mental health research in Colombia, maybe stealth and marching powder, 233,000.
07:38Women's affairs director for the military of Jordan, half a million quid.
07:42Yep.
07:43Has anyone seen this video that's been circulating on Twitter
07:45with basically Rory Stewart,
07:47who's now become one of the worst human beings on the planet?
07:49Oh, my God.
07:50Having a meltdown because his wife Shoshana
07:52has some sort of organisation that was due to receive a million quid.
07:56Well, no, that was the latest instalment.
07:58Was it the latest instalment?
07:59No, they're in receipt.
08:00He said there's another million to come.
08:02Another million to come.
08:03And they've stopped it.
08:04And there's a little video attached to this of what his wife Shoshana does,
08:07which is basically sort of, I don't know,
08:10like talk down to people in hijabs
08:12about how a urinal is actually modern art.
08:14And it's all being done through a translator.
08:16And she's there going, do you know what this is?
08:19Rory Stewart.
08:20It's a urinal.
08:21This is important in the art movement.
08:23There was a urinal involved.
08:24But Rory, she was stupid enough to go onto his silly podcast
08:27to tell everybody that his wife was a beneficiary
08:30to receive a million quid for his money.
08:32If you wanted to give the Taliban any more excuse
08:35to try and fly over and bomb us,
08:37it's telling them that a blimmin' urinal
08:39is the thing that guides our society.
08:41This is the thing that Elon Musk has blown up, by the way,
08:44which is USAID.
08:46Right, Ben, over to you.
08:47The Prime Minister.
08:48Yeah, Prime Minister, who having hollowed out our armed forces
08:52on the same day as we were sanctioning
08:55Zelensky firing storm shadow missiles,
08:58we were cancelling two frigates in our helicopter,
09:01you know, in the United Kingdom.
09:03But now that Trump seems to be bringing peace,
09:06we hope, to the Ukrainian-Russian war,
09:09Keir Starmer thinks that having hollowed out our armed forces,
09:12as I say, he's going to place British troops on the ground
09:15because that's a good idea, right?
09:17Because we've got to protect the integrity,
09:19the constitutional integrity in the borders of Ukraine.
09:22We don't have to bother protecting our borders
09:25or our constitutional integrity.
09:27We can't do that.
09:28No.
09:29But we will nevertheless put our own soldiers at risk in Ukraine.
09:33And if there's ever a further attack from Russia,
09:35they'll be the first to go.
09:36So we can drag ourselves back in to a European war
09:39without having to, you know, go past, go.
09:41And isn't it funny how all the left is having to go at Donald Trump
09:44for showing his hand in the negotiations,
09:46but they're not having to go at Keir Starmer for showing his hand
09:49by saying, oh, we'll put some troops in,
09:51which he's now said already that he thinks he might have gone a bit far.
09:54But I've got a bit of his speech, I think.
09:56Let's have a look at it.
09:57Europe must play its role.
09:59And I'm prepared to consider committing British forces on the ground.
10:03This is a guy who can't actually speak in front of a camera without reading.
10:07He's got notes there, right?
10:09He's just been in a meeting for about three hours.
10:11Who is going to follow him into war?
10:12I mean, how has this guy ever been...?
10:13I mean, I know that we're going to come on to it later
10:15with some of the lies that have been told by people on their CVs
10:17to get into government.
10:18How was he ever a barrister?
10:20You know, you're supposed to be able to talk in a courtroom without notes.
10:24You're supposed to be able to be, you know, relatively flowery.
10:27You're supposed to be quite a good orator.
10:29You're supposed to have the gift of the gab.
10:31He hasn't got any of those things.
10:33But anyone who has a command of what it is they're speaking about
10:36and who believes in what they're speaking doesn't need notes
10:39because you speak from the heart, you know it.
10:42And whenever you see a politician with no copious notes,
10:45you know that they've learnt it or they're trying to learn it.
10:48But he's looking down at them. He's looking down at the notes.
10:51The other thing that happened, of course, which you may now be aware of,
10:54is that about 24 hours after that speech where he said that, you know,
10:57he was going to be the saviour of the Ukraine
10:59by way of being this European kind of leader,
11:01is the German Chancellor immediately said,
11:03hang on a second, I completely disagree with everything you've just said.
11:06You're premature. And I think he actually called him irresponsible.
11:09So he can't even get it right.
11:11He said, I'm irritated. I'm irritated.
11:13Well, join the club.
11:15Try having him as your prime minister. You'll be really irritated.
11:19Meanwhile, you know, Donald Trump continues to upset people over the place.
11:23Here's some people in this country saying
11:25whether they would go and fight for their country.
11:27If England was to go to war, would you fight for the country?
11:31No. No.
11:33No, I have no ounce of patriotism in my body whatsoever.
11:36Really? No.
11:37I just can't be bothered.
11:39No, can't be bothered. OK.
11:41Also, we're all trans. So, like, that's a hot topic, isn't it?
11:44The last thing I would want to do is represent England.
11:46There's not exactly much to be proud of.
11:48The good news is they don't want to fight for their country
11:51because, to be honest, they don't look very scary to me.
11:54Can you imagine the Russian stormtroopers going,
11:56no, no, look, here come a load of trans teenage kids, you know,
11:59who don't think much of their country.
12:01And also, by the way...
12:03Wait till Russia and Iran occupy us.
12:05Whoever that guy was doing the interview,
12:07you don't actually go to fight for England anymore.
12:09No, it's the United Kingdom. That was a long time ago.
12:11Now you fight for the United Kingdom, Great Britain and Northern Ireland, actually.
12:14Just a couple of 225 years later.
12:16I know. It's absolutely unbelievable.
12:18Actually, if you lined a load of them up on the coastline of Kent,
12:21when people came over to invade, they'd be like,
12:23oh, blimmin' heck, no, thank you.
12:25We don't want this land. Let them just, you know...
12:28It's a bit like sort of a leper island at this point.
12:30Take me back. Take me back.
12:32I mean, there is a bit of Trump derangement syndrome going on
12:34and Elon Musk derangement syndrome.
12:36Sheryl Crow, you might remember from days of old,
12:39I think she was in here doing an interview with Virgin not that long ago.
12:43She's apparently got rid of her Tesla in protest.
12:46I mean, is there anything more ridiculous than a very wealthy entertainer...
12:50I'm sure Elon Musk is.
12:52...getting rid of her car. Here she is.
12:53It must be heartbreaking.
12:54Waving goodbye to the electric car that she bought from Tesla
12:59because that's obviously making such a statement.
13:01Isn't that the ultimate virtue signal where she's actually put it on video?
13:04Yes.
13:05Waving it goodbye. I mean, talk about absolute virtue.
13:07And she's probably a net zero nutcase.
13:09Yeah.
13:10And so she's just given up her electric car,
13:12probably in favour of fossil fuels.
13:14She's also had it taken away by a very big lorry,
13:16which is probably running on diesel.
13:18So the whole idea of the net zero.
13:20She was on a private jet just three days ago.
13:21Yeah.
13:22Or the melted Dancuser.
13:23There's a carve-out for private jets.
13:25Private jets are completely...
13:26They're in keeping with the net zero.
13:27Yeah, they're tolerated by the net zero a lot.
13:29It's the sort of equivalent of somebody giving away their bottles of Dom Perignon
13:32because they're upset with the French, isn't it?
13:34They're not going to drink these any more.
13:36It's disgraceful.
13:37That's a step too far.
13:38I would never do that.
13:39The signal she thinks that sends to Elon Musk is,
13:41you've already bought it.
13:42You've already had your money.
13:43Yeah, right.
13:44Right.
13:45Presumably she's sold it to somebody else who's paid even more money,
13:48which will be taxed, which will then go to the exchequer,
13:51which will go to Elon Musk's, you know...
13:53I mean, the amount of nonsense going on here is quite ridiculous.
13:56So now over to you, Amanda.
13:58We've got some showbiz.
13:59Yes.
14:00So everyone was talking about Wicked all of last year.
14:04So Wicked, the main star, Cynthia Evereaux,
14:07she has been announced that she's going to play Jesus Christ
14:11in Andrew Lloyd Webber's...
14:13Yeah.
14:14But Jesus Christ wasn't green.
14:16I don't think she's going to be green in this.
14:18She's not actually green.
14:19She's not actually green now.
14:21See, that is the kind of discriminatory talk I just won't hear on this show
14:25because she may or may not be green in Jesus Christ.
14:28I don't know.
14:29But she's certainly not going to be white, that's for sure.
14:31No.
14:32No, obviously she's black and she's gay and she's a woman.
14:36So it was like, okay, that's the perfect person...
14:38Is that the full house in the world of woke?
14:40Yeah, that's the perfect person to play Jesus Christ.
14:43That's the meaning of intersectional.
14:44Oh, okay.
14:45That's intersectional.
14:46So it all fits together.
14:47All those things, all of them.
14:48Yeah, intersecting, all the wokery.
14:49And, I mean, we can sit here and we can get really angry about it
14:52and we can debate it all day long,
14:54but there's actually...
14:55When it's about religion, it's dangerous.
14:57You know, there are a lot of people who are feeling disrespected.
15:00Well, let me put this to you.
15:01I bet she wouldn't play Mohammed in any stage play as a woman, would she?
15:05And it just makes you think...
15:07Can you imagine?
15:08They'd be burning down a theatre.
15:09Well, we're already kind of seeing now,
15:11this is not anything new, actually, is it?
15:13We're already seeing how we're rewriting history
15:16and so many on-screen adaptations.
15:19So she's playing Jesus in, what, Jesus Christ Superstar?
15:22Has anyone spoken to Lloyd Webber about this?
15:24No, it's his decision, apparently.
15:26Well, during Covid, that man was crying his little eyes out
15:29that he couldn't afford any more Pre-Raphaelite paintings
15:32because no-one was going to the theatre.
15:34He's going to have to start selling his stock at this rate.
15:36No-one wants to see that.
15:37I don't think people...
15:38Actually, I don't think people care,
15:40but I think there is a hypocrisy about the whole business of...
15:43Yeah, and I think it's happening in Los Angeles.
15:45I think it's happening in London.
15:46But the whole point about it is that, you know,
15:48people will look at it because it's Christianity.
15:50You can mess about with Christianity as much as you want,
15:53but you can't do it with Islam. That's my point.
15:55You would never...
15:56No, you would not get any theatre company in the right mind,
15:59you know, portraying Mohammed as a woman, would you?
16:02It's a surefire way to, you know, hell.
16:04But haven't we also, in Hollywood, we've heard huge uproar, haven't we,
16:08from non-Jewish actors playing Jewish people in certain films?
16:12And the left rail against that, saying it's completely inappropriate.
16:16You have to have a Jewish actor playing a Jewish person.
16:19So why is it OK that it's a black woman playing Jesus Christ,
16:23but it's not OK the other way round when it comes to the Jewish religion?
16:26As the Christian here in this studio...
16:29You're not the only one, you know?
16:30You say it as if you're the only Christian.
16:32Are you one?
16:33Well, I was born a Catholic.
16:35Good, good.
16:36He's not not a Christian.
16:37I mean, I'm baptised.
16:38Are you a Christian? Are you a Christian?
16:40If that's of any help to you.
16:41It is basically coming up to the point where we need an Inquisition.
16:44But before we get to that stage, all I say is those who know the Bible
16:47know that it predicts Sodom and Gomorrah.
16:49Well, Sodom and Gomorrah happened,
16:51being pretty much a reliving of that experience.
16:53Yeah, that'll be about a week and a half.
16:55We're kind of nudging up.
16:56Yeah, we're nudging up on what is writ.
16:59I don't know. It's all getting a bit serious.
17:01We've got to do another show.
17:02Let's have a look at Cynthia Erivo.
17:04Is it?
17:05Yeah, Cynthia Erivo. Here she is talking.
17:07There's a black woman who is queer...
17:09No, no.
17:10..who shows up in, like, this way.
17:12Absolutely.
17:13There's something that I have that many other alphabas don't have.
17:18Of course.
17:19I don't know what it is like to walk through the world like this.
17:22I do. Yeah.
17:23And so that innately, immediately makes me completely different.
17:27So because she's a black queer woman,
17:29that means that she's absolutely quite right to play Jesus Christ.
17:32She's also making it sound like she's underprivileged.
17:34She's one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood, for Christ's sake.
17:37She's got far too many earrings. Yeah.
17:39And a nose ring.
17:40I thought cattle markets were closed down after BSC.
17:43Blimey.
17:44Anyway, let's go.
17:46Coming up next, we're going to talk, actually, about Doctor Who.
17:49Maybe she'll end up playing Doctor Who.
17:51Doctor Who is right in the doo-doo, actually.
17:53It could be called Doctor Doo-Doo, but that's not the story.
17:56I'm going to also be talking about David Tennant,
17:58who used to be Doctor Who.
17:59It's all kind of intersectionally going along well.
18:01It's a clever show.
18:02We'll be back with more from Plank of the Week after this.
18:17Welcome back to Plank of the Week.
18:19We've got a pretty good start there.
18:21I think we had a few confusions over some religious references,
18:24but we're all right now.
18:25My host this week, host with the most, or least, perhaps,
18:29is David Tennant.
18:30The BAFTA's happened this week, which is, of course, the usual,
18:33you know, fun fest.
18:34I don't know if you were there, Amanda, were you?
18:36I actually wasn't, but a few of my colleagues were.
18:38Yes.
18:39It's the usual sort of ridiculousness of some very,
18:41very wealthy actors standing around talking about how important
18:44the films that they're in are and how amazing they all are.
18:47They don't do them for nothing, though, do they?
18:49I don't think they do, no.
18:50They're quite well paid for it.
18:52And they all stand around congratulating each other.
18:55And this year, David Tennant was invited back.
18:58I think he did it last year, and I think last year,
19:01was it not, his joke about Kemi Badenoch that sort of stole the show,
19:05if you like, and they all clapped and cheered because he just said,
19:08I just wish you would shut up.
19:10Which, if you said that about any other woman, you know,
19:12particularly another black woman, you would have a problem.
19:14But here he is with his sparkling monologue at the BAFTAs.
19:17Check it out.
19:18Oh, no.
19:19A film about incredible architecture.
19:21In fact, it's the boldest architecture and film of this year,
19:24apart from Donald Trump's hair and The Apprentice.
19:28Donald Trump, of course, he says he hasn't seen The Apprentice
19:30because it's a 15, it's not on Nickelodeon.
19:33LAUGHTER
19:36See? Donald Trump.
19:38I've said his name three times, it's like Beetlejuice,
19:40I've summoned him.
19:41Yeah. It's really not.
19:43And also, even the audience of champagne socialists
19:46is kind of slightly uneasy there, you know,
19:48because like it or not, matey, I'm afraid he is the President
19:50of the United States of America.
19:51And then he goes, oh, yeah, and then he goes,
19:53speaking of villains, they all kind of go...
19:55You know, it's just...
19:57They're brandishing their woke credentials, aren't they?
19:59Yeah.
20:00They're just polishing them up and showing them to each other.
20:02Aren't we all so blooming virtuous?
20:04Yeah.
20:05Because we can denounce the President of the United States.
20:07Straight home to the slave that's looking after the kids
20:09and the washing and the slave that does, you know,
20:11all the errands around the house and all that,
20:13and the slave that's fixing the plumbing and all the rest.
20:15But, you know, the BBC actually cut it out
20:17because I think even they realised that you can't just go around...
20:20One, it's not very entertaining and not very funny.
20:22And he came in as well.
20:23We're not going to show it because it's too embarrassing.
20:26He came in wearing a kilt.
20:27Yeah.
20:28Singing 500 Miles.
20:29And dancing to the 500 Miles song by the Proclaimers.
20:31Proclaimers, yeah.
20:32And the audience were kind of, like, looking sort of in horror
20:35because they didn't want him to stop anywhere near them
20:37in case he asked them a question.
20:39It was really cringe.
20:40Absolutely awful.
20:41I loved it that you had Kylie Jenner,
20:43whose boyfriend is one of the film's timers,
20:45the chameleon.
20:46Yeah.
20:47And you had her just staring up at David Tennant when he's singing,
20:50thinking, what the hell is happening?
20:53Because he can't see.
20:54Maybe she could see up that kilt and she was like,
20:56what the hell is happening?
20:58Or what isn't happening.
21:00What even is that?
21:01Yeah.
21:02But, yeah, it was just awful.
21:04And, I mean, every single...
21:05I don't watch those things.
21:06They go on for hours, even the edited version,
21:08and apparently this was even more of a ball fest than a snore fest.
21:11I always start off, I mean, in good faith I always start watching it,
21:15but The Bafters is just notoriously, it's just so dull.
21:18They're all pretty dull, aren't they?
21:20They just are so up themselves.
21:21I mean, they're just sitting there,
21:22they're not really even listening to David Tennant enough to laugh
21:25or attempting to laugh.
21:26They're just wanting to have their moment on camera.
21:28It's like a kind of circular firing squad of virtue
21:31signaling woken up.
21:32Exactly.
21:33Exactly.
21:34They're all trying to outdo each other.
21:35Yeah, look at us.
21:36I mean, the Brutalist as well.
21:37I mean, come on.
21:38It's a film which, I mean, nobody seems to make films anymore
21:40that are less than three hours long.
21:41I know.
21:42And it's about some dirge of an architect who makes some dirgey...
21:45Sounds great.
21:46Yeah.
21:47Wow, a film about an architect.
21:49My sister said, it sounds brutal.
21:50I said, I'm not going.
21:51Why would you?
21:53And they're all so earnest, you know.
21:55How do they raise the money for this crap?
21:57Such an important film.
21:58I don't even know how they do that.
22:00But it was in half term week, right?
22:02I don't know if any of you have been travelling about London this week,
22:04but it's been absolutely riddled with children.
22:06It's been a joy.
22:07Absolute joy.
22:08No, but there's children everywhere.
22:09Oh, are there?
22:10Yeah.
22:11Oh, I didn't see that.
22:12I don't know where you've been going.
22:13I've been up too early, I think.
22:14Oh, OK.
22:15Yeah.
22:16No traffic.
22:17Yeah, I mean, the traffic's good.
22:18Yeah, traffic's great.
22:19But going anywhere, and going on the Tube in particular,
22:20is just riddled with children running about.
22:21Yeah, so you still have to crunch over Cheerios and...
22:22Restaurants are full of, you know, French families with about 15 kids
22:25who are all, you know, playing petanque in the middle of the restaurant.
22:28You know, it's absolutely ridiculous.
22:30Before London falls completely.
22:31Yeah.
22:32Make the most of it.
22:34The BBC has got some advice for you.
22:36This is actually what they put out as recommended tips
22:39for children to do this half term.
22:42It can be a struggle to prise the kids away from their screens,
22:45only to find it difficult to find affordable activities.
22:48But there are plenty of things to do in London this half term
22:51that either don't cost much or doesn't cost the earth,
22:54including here at the Cutty Sark,
22:56where all week they've got storytelling sessions,
22:58musical performances and interactive exhibits,
23:02all about the very little-known maritime history
23:05of LGBTQ plus communities.
23:09So this half term we're really focusing on those hidden histories
23:12that you might not necessarily associate
23:14with Britain's maritime history.
23:16So we're looking at things like pirate marriage that existed
23:20or sailor love tokens and storytelling
23:22that really highlight those LGBTQ people
23:25who existed in our history but weren't necessarily celebrated.
23:28What about... Hang on, hang on.
23:30Rum, sodomy and the lash. People talk about that.
23:32What about the very little-known? Gay sailors, hello, sailor.
23:35Yeah.
23:37Why don't you just take them to Soho
23:39and they can see people grinding up against each other in real life?
23:42Exactly right. No point in going back in history, is there?
23:45Yeah.
23:46You know, somebody walking off a plank, perhaps.
23:48Go to the nightclub Heaven and, blimey,
23:50you see history flash before your eyes.
23:52Yeah, a quick trip down old Compton Street about 11 o'clock at night.
23:55My kids are off school, obviously, for the next few days.
23:57I might mention this to them tonight.
23:59Do you want to go and look at the history of LGBTQ?
24:02Pirate marriage?
24:04In a maritime sense. I wonder what they'll say to me, Alex.
24:08I don't know your kids, Russell.
24:10I think you probably do because they're very similar to me.
24:12If you gave me that offer, I'd say, yeah, let's go troll it.
24:15Yeah, let's go troll it. Let's pick it up.
24:17Just ridiculous.
24:18The empire was built on the back of LGBTQ, wasn't it?
24:21Of course.
24:22That's how we went abroad and...
24:24Hold on, can I just say, you may jest,
24:26but if you look back at the fashions of the 18th century,
24:29where we actually were the rulers of the seas
24:31and controlled a third of the world,
24:33you had men in massive wigs, beauty spots, rufflenecks and tights.
24:36No, that was the French. That wasn't us.
24:38No, we were massive cross-dressers when we took over the world.
24:41There were also probably plenty of women pirates
24:43who actually were just as good as the men.
24:45Now you're indulging in fantasies.
24:47But that's another story.
24:50Alex Phillips, speaking of masculinity, let's go to Europe, shall we?
24:55The Munich Security Conference,
24:57which was very much set on its back heel, the back foot,
25:01by J.D. Vance, who came over and told us a few home truths.
25:04I cannot get enough of this video
25:06because it actually personifies everything that we've been talking about.
25:09The whole intersection... How do you say that word?
25:12It's hard to say. Intersectionality.
25:14The whole intersectionality of everything we've been talking about
25:17and the crisis it's put the West into,
25:19it's just encapsulated in this moment
25:22with Christoph Huysgen. Huysgen, yeah.
25:26The thing is, right...
25:27If you tell people who he is, he's a German diplomat.
25:30He was once apparently the German ambassador to the United Nations.
25:33So let's break this down.
25:34This is a guy who's the director of the Munich Security Conference.
25:37The first thing he decided that had to happen
25:39was attendees had to be 50% men and 50% women, you know,
25:42because that matters.
25:44He used to be...
25:45We're quite lucky that he's only believing in two genders.
25:47Right.
25:49He used to be Angela Merkel's foreign affairs adviser,
25:53known to be the most influential foreign affairs adviser she's ever had.
25:57So he would have been there going,
25:59I think we should get rid of nuclear.
26:01I think we need more gas from Putin.
26:03So he was also responsible for...
26:05We should have a million more Syrians.
26:07I think we should take all of these terrorists in the Middle East
26:10and bring them here.
26:11And so basically, so he's running this conference
26:13and JD Barnes comes along and goes,
26:15you know, it might be a bit effed up over in Ukraine,
26:19which, by the way, you guys totally caused,
26:21but I'm kind of really worried about you lot.
26:24You're anti-democratic, you're way too woke, you're weak,
26:27you're basically a bunch of ninnies,
26:29of which they're all rolling their eyes and laughing.
26:32Anyway...
26:33They were horrified.
26:34Well, let's have a listen to what JD Barnes said, first of all,
26:37because that will set the scene for you.
26:39I believe there is nothing more urgent than mass migration.
26:44Today, almost one in five people living in this country
26:47moved here from abroad.
26:49That is, of course, an all-time high.
26:51It's a similar number, by the way, in the United States,
26:53also an all-time high.
26:55No voter on this continent went to the ballot box
26:58to open the floodgates to millions of unvetted immigrants.
27:03But you know what they did vote for?
27:05In England, they voted for Brexit,
27:07and agree or disagree, they voted for it.
27:10And more and more all over Europe,
27:11they're voting for political leaders
27:13who promise to put an end to out-of-control migration.
27:17Wow, how terribly upsetting.
27:19I think I love that man.
27:20Yes, he's great, isn't he?
27:22I mean, I'll fight you for it.
27:24Back off, he's mine.
27:26I'm in love with him too, I think we all are.
27:28Yeah, we all are.
27:29On this side of the political divide.
27:31But the other hilarious thing about his speech, of course,
27:34was that he was trolling the European leaders
27:36for their attitude towards freedom of speech, the lack of it.
27:39Then they all had a go at him for what he said.
27:42Surely we have the clip of why the man's a plank, though.
27:46Oh, of course.
27:47Well, this is what I'm just teeing you up for.
27:49OK, let's build up to it.
27:50It's called the drama of it all.
27:51So Vance comes and basically says, you lot are a bunch of...
27:54She's not been on for a while.
27:55Can I swear?
27:56I don't think so.
27:57You lot are a bunch of I-can't-swears.
27:59And then they all go, ooh.
28:01And then the next day, so you've got the guy who sets this all up,
28:04Angela Merkel's former bag carrier
28:06who basically created the permacrisis in Europe,
28:08stands on the stage and, you know,
28:10he sort of says how affected he's been by Vance's words.
28:14Shall we have a look?
28:15After the speech of Vice-President Vance on Friday,
28:19we have to fear that our common value base
28:22is not that common anymore.
28:25I'm very grateful to all those European politicians
28:29that spoke out and reaffirmed the values and principles
28:32that they are defending.
28:34No-one did this better than President Zelensky.
28:38Let me conclude, and this becomes difficult.
28:54Oh, there he gets a little hug at the end.
28:59Can I just say, surely, look, this is a new entry.
29:01No-one's even heard of this guy outside of lunchtime.
29:04And even better, we can say it in German, can't we?
29:08Is that good?
29:10He had the same voice coach as Keir Starmer.
29:12He did, yeah. Unbelievable.
29:14That's terrible, isn't it?
29:15Why does it become difficult?
29:17That's pathetic.
29:18Isn't it?
29:19J.D. Vance is like, you're really weak.
29:21The guy who ran foreign policy in Germany cries.
29:23Cries, yes. I think he might be right.
29:27But also, doesn't it tell you how far the West has fallen?
29:31How far we have gone, yeah.
29:32That these people who are sitting there watching him
29:34think it's worthy of applause that he's crying.
29:37Because he has no answer to J.D. Vance.
29:40They didn't want to cheer J.D. Vance.
29:42No.
29:43But they also know he's right.
29:44They also know he's right.
29:46Because Europe is clearly politically lurching towards the right
29:50to stem the incredibly uncontrolled flow of immigration.
29:53Yeah, all these characters will be out of a job.
29:55Yeah, so they know that they've got a problem
29:57because they're now trying to fix the problem that they themselves have started.
30:00Yeah, exactly.
30:01Yeah, unbelievable.
30:02Anyway, over to you, Russell.
30:03Farishtah Jami.
30:04Farishtah Jami.
30:05Yeah.
30:06So this name should be in our minds forever.
30:08Not so Jami.
30:09Well, it's a police cover-up of a different kind.
30:11Very good.
30:12Do you get it?
30:13You may not know the story.
30:15We should show the picture or the video.
30:17So this is Farishtah Jami.
30:19She is a convicted terrorist on multiple terror offences.
30:22She was seeking to go and join ISIS and was very kind of visible about it.
30:26In Afghanistan?
30:27In Afghanistan.
30:28With her children?
30:29Yeah, with her children.
30:31I think she was chair of some WhatsApp group which was specifically ISIS-related
30:35and banned and so on.
30:36Anyway, she's been convicted and now sentenced for being, guess what, a terrorist.
30:40The police duly then make sure that there's a mugshot which is produced.
30:43Mugshots, by the way, are quite important so that when somebody's convicted
30:46they can be identified later on if they are involved in other crimes.
30:50Or in case they escape.
30:51So here's the thing, right?
30:52So the one on the left was taken first, which is perfectly legitimate.
30:55She is a criminal.
30:56She's been processed.
30:57She's been fingerprinted and photographed.
30:59Then, bearing in mind she's been convicted and sentenced for terrorist offences,
31:02there's nothing more serious really, she then says,
31:04no, hang on a sec, I'm a devout Muslim.
31:06I'm not happy that my face has been shown.
31:08So I'm going to put my, yes, my whatever the paraphernalia is on
31:14and I insist that you take another picture which obviously shows absolutely
31:18nothing of any value whatsoever.
31:20And the works of police agree to put it out.
31:22I mean, how do you know that's not David Tennant?
31:27But Mike, who's the plank?
31:28Is it her or is it West Midlands Police for doing the second picture?
31:31Well, it's Warwickshire Police, isn't it?
31:33Yeah, yeah, West Midlands.
31:34Is it West Midlands?
31:35It says Warwickshire here.
31:36I don't know.
31:37I'm not sure.
31:38For pertaining to this ridiculous person.
31:40It is mad, isn't it?
31:41It is.
31:42Well, it's a bit like the stories that you hear about the people in their hijabs
31:45and their burqas going through passport control at Heathrow,
31:48refusing to take their stuff off.
31:50And presumably border control just go, you could be anybody, right?
31:53Off you go.
31:54And they eventually changed that policy.
31:56And I think there was certainly a suspected terrorist who made his escape
32:01from Britain back to a country in Europe.
32:04In a burqa.
32:05In a burqa because nobody could tell who he was.
32:08And you go, well, that doesn't seem right.
32:10And to be clear, some countries have banned the burqa.
32:12France, for instance, has banned the burqa.
32:14Well, I say this all the time.
32:15My daughter comes here from Dubai.
32:16She sees more burqas in London than she ever sees in Dubai.
32:18Absolutely.
32:19And they're banned there, basically.
32:20They're not banned.
32:21No, people just don't wear them.
32:22But you know that programme, The Masked Singer?
32:25You'd have Plank of the Week with a burqa panellist every single week.
32:28You'd never know the identity of the person lying in judgement.
32:31It's a bit like Top Gear.
32:32They'd probably get it as soon as we start talking.
32:34The Stink.
32:35Exactly.
32:36No one knows who The Stink is.
32:37But on an important point, liberalism is what emancipated women.
32:43And it was liberalism that dragged women out of the Victorian clutches
32:47of misogyny and a patriarchal world onto an evil level playing field.
32:54And it's the same liberalism...
32:55They got the vote and everything.
32:56They got the vote and everything.
32:58And it's the same liberalism which is championing ostensibly
33:02these women's rights to dumb down their independence.
33:06The burqa, the niqab, is nothing more than an outward expression
33:10of their complete inner repression.
33:12And in the pursuit of liberalism, which should be emancipating these women,
33:17these women are being shut down in front of our own eyes.
33:20And can I also just suggest that obviously there's this kind of...
33:23It's a discretionary thing, isn't it?
33:25It's because you as a Muslim man, not that you are,
33:27but as a Muslim man you don't want someone looking at your wife.
33:31I would suggest that the ugly ones like her don't need the vote, do they?
33:34It should only really be the good-looking ones that need the burqa.
33:36Well, very possibly so.
33:37The whole thing is a ludicrous situation.
33:39But I would need to take the niqab off to determine whether or not
33:41she is wearing a niqab.
33:42That'd have to be a test.
33:43That'd have to be a test.
33:44I'll take you back to an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm,
33:46which is very funny.
33:47Very funny.
33:48I'm obsessed with the woman who's got her face covered
33:50and then when she finally takes it off it's like...
33:52Oh, no.
33:53Yeah.
33:54Anyway.
33:55Oh, we could have made a break here, couldn't we?
33:57No, we haven't.
33:58Yeah, we have got to take a break here.
33:59We're coming back with yet another ridiculous story
34:02about a radical preacher who's been banned from practically everywhere else,
34:05but apart from, guess where, this country.
34:07And also now we're going to talk about Doctor Who as well,
34:10which is going so badly in the ratings they're thinking of getting
34:13David Tennant back.
34:14This is Plank of the Week.
34:19Welcome back to Plank of the Week.
34:20We are more than halfway through and we've only got three more to go.
34:23Some very exciting ones as well.
34:25Over to you, Ben Habib.
34:26You've got a radical preacher for us.
34:28Yeah.
34:29Mohamed Hoblos, and he's not a hobnob.
34:32He's not a biscuit.
34:33He is...
34:34South Mexican.
34:36Hoblos.
34:37Hoblos.
34:38Hoblos.
34:39Hoblos.
34:40Hoblos.
34:41Hoblos.
34:42Hoblos.
34:43Hoblos.
34:44Hoblos.
34:45Hoblos.
34:46Hoblos.
34:47South Mexican.
34:48Hoblos.
34:49Yeah, he doesn't...
34:50With the exception of the word Mohamed,
34:52he certainly doesn't sound like a Muslim.
34:54No.
34:55Mohamed Hoblos.
34:56I've never heard of a radical preacher from Mexico.
34:58It would be quite interesting.
34:59Anyway, carry on.
35:00Anyway, he's got not what I would call an infection of radical Islam.
35:03He's got something much, much worse than that.
35:06This man is an absolute lunatic.
35:08Yeah.
35:09And he's on the record saying that actually it doesn't matter
35:12if you rape women, it doesn't matter if you're a paedophile,
35:15it doesn't matter if you steal, beg, borrow, kill, whatever.
35:18As long as you pray once or pray in accordance with your requirements
35:22under Islam, everything is forgiven and you are a better person
35:26than someone who is good, doesn't commit all those crimes,
35:29but doesn't pray.
35:30Right.
35:31This man is a complete bloomin' lunatic.
35:33And my first reaction when I heard he was coming to the UK,
35:36I think he lives in Australia, poor Australians.
35:38My God.
35:39Can you imagine?
35:40But my first reaction when he was coming to the UK
35:42was he shouldn't be allowed here.
35:44I think we should parade him around every single television studio.
35:48Yes.
35:49And absolutely let him say what he has to say.
35:52So he reveals himself for what he is.
35:54Absolutely.
35:55Well, we've got a clip of him talking.
35:57Let's have a look at what he has to say to us.
35:59We go to the meeting and there is a female.
36:03Brother, you put your hand in the hand of a foreign woman
36:08and you are foolish enough to think that that pleases Allah.
36:13You need an iron nail to be driven in the back of your skull
36:18and through your brain.
36:20This is better for you than to touch a foreign woman.
36:23Yeah, that sounds pretty rational, doesn't it?
36:25Yeah.
36:26I can't wait to go and touch him.
36:28Get off the aeroplane and I'll be like, woo-hoo!
36:31And then someone drive a nail through his head.
36:33Yeah.
36:35Yeah, I bet you, though, if you actually did get him down
36:37to the brass tacks of it, you could have somebody with a hammer
36:40and a nail and go, look, here's a choice.
36:42You can go for Alex Phillips or I'll just pile this
36:44into the back of your head.
36:45Which one would you prefer?
36:47Would you like some water as well while you're here?
36:49That is the first time I've been exposed
36:51to an Antipodean Pakistani accent.
36:53I don't know what his accent was.
36:55I don't know what that was.
36:56Yeah, that was sort of like a whole new experience.
36:58But, I mean, he has been banned in 27 countries for being extremist.
37:01But not here.
37:02But apparently it's OK for him to come here and he's got a...
37:05I think he's doing a tour.
37:06He's probably here to do a tube advert or something.
37:08Yeah.
37:09To be calm.
37:10Yeah, right.
37:11He suddenly calls a new mascot.
37:13It's his driver.
37:15This is how Sadiq Khan plans to solve the, sort of,
37:18rape grope crisis on public transport.
37:21Just send out that video.
37:22Don't...
37:23You know, it's sort of minorities.
37:25Don't touch women unless I'm nailing heads.
37:27But he's got a bunch of shows set up, I think,
37:30in various different venues around the country.
37:32Where are all these...
37:33The cancel culture people, you know,
37:35who try and get Graham Linehan cancelled who wrote Father Ted
37:38and thinks a woman should be...
37:39They're off, don't they, at these critical moments?
37:41Why don't you take your children to that?
37:43To this?
37:44Yeah.
37:45I would go to it.
37:46I think we should all go to it.
37:47I think we should all go.
37:48And we should heckle and we should ask questions
37:50and we should debate.
37:51Gay Pirate Ship and then Hobloss.
37:52We should put Hobloss into bat with the Gay Pirate Ship.
37:55Let's see how he gets on with that.
37:57Hobloss on the Gay Pirate Ship.
37:59We could also take all those people with the banners
38:01that say, Gays for Palestine.
38:02And see what happens.
38:03Can I just say, Hobloss on the Gay Pirate Ship
38:06is intersectionality.
38:08Yeah.
38:09I feel as if I've taken some strange drugs.
38:12It's gone surreal, hasn't it?
38:14It has gone a bit weird.
38:15Amanda, bring us back to reality with the time traveller.
38:22Doctor Who.
38:23Doctor Who.
38:24Yes.
38:25Any fans here?
38:26No.
38:27I mean, I used to watch it when I was a kid.
38:29And I think, I mean, I'm so old.
38:31I watched it with John Pertwee, who was Doctor Who,
38:33who I thought was quite good.
38:34And my kids actually quite liked David Tennant
38:37when he was Doctor.
38:38But they liked the guy before him, whose name I forget.
38:41Christopher Eccleston.
38:42They liked him as well.
38:44But lately it's just gone woke, hasn't it?
38:46Yeah.
38:47The ratings have been abysmal.
38:48And it's on its way out.
38:50So apparently the crew are sort of, you know,
38:52they're preparing to be out of jobs.
38:54The main star, Shuti Gatwa.
38:59I'm so bad at saying his name.
39:00Shuti Gatwa, yes.
39:01Doctor Who?
39:02Yeah, Doctor Who.
39:04So he was brought in.
39:05And we've had over the past few series, I mean,
39:07we've had the Doctor Who turn into a female,
39:10a gay Doctor Who.
39:13That was when David Tennant came back.
39:15And then the latest was a black man.
39:17Didn't they also have a trans alien at one point?
39:20So this is it.
39:21It's not even just gone from, like,
39:23I can understand them trying to maybe freshen up the show,
39:25give it a go, see how it works out.
39:27But it's now, like, bringing in, you know,
39:29we've got non-gendered aliens.
39:34Yeah, I remember using the clip of somebody talking to an alien.
39:37Have we got that clip?
39:38Oh, yeah, we've got that. Have a look.
39:40I promise I can help him get home
39:41and then you'll never see me again.
39:42You're assuming he as a pronoun.
39:45True.
39:46Yes, sorry.
39:47Good point.
39:48Are you he or she or they?
39:50My chosen pronoun is the definite article.
39:53What?
39:54The 60th anniversary was about a character who was trans
39:57to be saved.
39:58You've got them, like, slagging off Christianity, capitalism.
40:02Throw in every sort of political anything they can get their hands on.
40:06And make it woke.
40:07And the problem with making it woke is the famous saying,
40:11go woke, go broke.
40:13But they've collapsed.
40:14I've got this here.
40:152024, 3.95 million.
40:18In 2023, it was 7.27 million.
40:21And way back in, what, 2009, it was over 10, nearly 11 million.
40:25So they've lost 60% of their audience.
40:27They've lost more than 60% of their audience since back then.
40:29And it's going like that, falling off a cliff.
40:31Because it's just being rammed down your throat.
40:34Just, like, calm down.
40:35This is meant to be family entertainment,
40:37sitting down, relaxing, watching something.
40:39We don't have to tick off every single box.
40:41We don't have to have all of these political issues
40:43that we have to confront on a Saturday night.
40:45I mean, it's just too much.
40:46There's an easy fix for this, isn't there?
40:48Just go back in time.
40:49So what it used to be like before you just saw this crap.
40:52Bring back Tom Baker.
40:53Do you know what I think would be an absolute, you know,
40:56a genius thing to do?
40:58If they say, oh, we've gone sober.
40:59Like, even sort of, you know, David Tennant,
41:01who's a little less woke than, you know, the intersectional alien.
41:05I think they should just go full hardline anti-woke
41:08and get Roseanne Bartle and sort of, you know.
41:11Danny Dyer.
41:12Danny Dyer as Doctor Who.
41:14Or Ant Middleton.
41:17Jordan Peterson.
41:18Jim Davidson.
41:19Jim Davidson.
41:20Can you imagine?
41:21Jim Davidson.
41:22Right.
41:23Now, let's have shooty Gatois,
41:26because here's an explanation of what is the state of the show now.
41:29He's a Time Lord.
41:31He's literally an alien.
41:32They are an alien.
41:34The Doctor is not from anywhere.
41:36It's like they don't fit in anywhere.
41:39And I think for marginalised people,
41:42they have been a real beacon of kind of feeling like seen in a way.
41:47What he's basically saying is they don't fit anywhere yet,
41:49including people's lounges on a Saturday night.
41:51Exactly.
41:52Nobody's watching it.
41:53Even marginalised people are saying it's crap.
41:56We're nearly at the end now.
41:58Yeah, we're nearly at the end.
41:59So we're going to have to come back with me deciding who's going to win it.
42:02But I've got one more nomination for you,
42:04and it's somebody else in the Labour government
42:05who actually got a bit of an easy ride this week.
42:07This is Blanket of the Week.
42:08So here we are again,
42:22having discovered that yet another member of the Cabinet
42:25nominated and appointed by Keir Starmer is a liar.
42:28And this time this week is Jonathan Reynolds,
42:31the Business Secretary, who purports to be a solicitor
42:34who up until a couple of days ago had suggested in several interviews
42:39and on his LinkedIn CV that he was in fact a qualified solicitor.
42:43It turns out that he's not at all a qualified solicitor.
42:46So it was pointed out after Guido Fawkes managed to uncover it.
42:50And he's now corrected the fact that he was actually just a trainee solicitor
42:54and he never finished the training.
42:56So he's also changed his CV like Rachel Reeves.
42:58So he's changed his CV like Rachel Reeves,
43:00for me to a worse extent,
43:02because Rachel Reeves slightly gilded the lily about what she did
43:05at the Bank of England.
43:06She was an economist.
43:08I don't think she was a particularly important economist
43:11at the Bank of England.
43:12She then went and did a job at HBOS and said she was an economist there.
43:15Wasn't. Had to correct it.
43:17She's also said that she contributed to a series of legal papers,
43:20which she didn't do.
43:22She also invented her chess champions qualification when she was 26.
43:28You know, there's a whole litany of things that she did.
43:30But what she didn't do was pretend to be somebody who is what would normally
43:34consider to be a legal officer of the court.
43:39If you say that you're a solicitor and you're not,
43:41that is an offence in most people's eyes.
43:44Well, he said it in front of Parliament.
43:46Yes, he did.
43:47He said it in front of Parliament, which is lying to Parliament.
43:50And we all know what that means because we learned during the Sue Gray trials
43:53that you're not allowed to sort of say one thing to another.
43:55And actually, Boris Johnson was just like, did you mislead Parliament?
43:58And it was like, he said, well, I don't really know the facts.
44:00Did I eat a cake? Did I not eat a cake?
44:02It was all sort of nuance and bitty bits.
44:05This guy literally stood in Parliament on the Green benches and said,
44:09I find life easier now I'm an MP.
44:12It's a much easier life than when I was a solicitor.
44:15As you would expect, we've actually got the clip. Have a look.
44:18Before the last election,
44:19I worked as a solicitor in Manchester city centre and I would travel in
44:22to Manchester every day for my, what is now my constituency.
44:26He's done.
44:27So he's lied to Parliament.
44:29He's presumably lied also to presumably Keir Starmer
44:32and the executive of the Labour Party, but also to...
44:35They don't care about that.
44:36But also, yeah, but in getting selected,
44:38one would imagine that when you get selected and then elected,
44:40he's lied to the Labour Party in terms of getting his selection.
44:43Then he's lied to the electorate in his constituency because that would
44:46presumably be on an election leaflet somewhere or somewhere to say,
44:49hey, look, I'm really credible because I'm a solicitor.
44:51Well, it's likely that he used it.
44:52He lied and lied and lied again.
44:53Yeah.
44:54It's likely that he used it to sort of make himself look like a fine,
44:57upstanding member of the community.
44:58According to the Solicitor's Regulation Authority,
45:01it is a criminal offence for someone to call themselves a solicitor or act
45:04as a solicitor if they are not on the role of solicitors.
45:06Wow.
45:07And he's saying it in Parliament.
45:08But he's done it several times, not just there, right?
45:10He's done it several times.
45:11And he's hanging in there.
45:12I think he's inevitably, you know, by the time this airs,
45:14he may well have gone, but he can't stay in power, surely.
45:17He can't stay in the Cabinet.
45:19Can I also just add that he is the Business Secretary
45:21who's never had any business experience?
45:22Exactly right.
45:23He's a jumped-up counsellor, as I've been saying all week.
45:25I don't think that's a prerequisite to hold any office,
45:27to have experience.
45:28You know, I mean, it's OK.
45:29That's right.
45:30Yeah.
45:31That's a non-point, Russell.
45:32But it's probably better if you're not a congenital liar
45:35than a compulsive liar.
45:36I think that's probably not so good.
45:38Right, so here we are, down to the wire.
45:40Who are we going to give the Plank of the Week to?
45:42I know who you want it to go to.
45:43Plank of the Vorker.
45:44Plank of the Vorker.
45:45She wants it to go to the German.
45:47There's nice new entries, aren't there?
45:49I mean, I think Jonathan is a pretty good contender, by the way,
45:53Jonathan Reynolds,
45:54because he is, you know, the latest in a long line of liars
45:57working in tandem.
45:58We don't need a police force that allows a convicted terrorist
46:01to cover their face in a mugshot.
46:02The police force, I think that's very good as well.
46:04Can we have a joint?
46:05Silver or bronze.
46:06Yeah, we can't.
46:07Well, I'm going to do a quick vote.
46:09A quick vote.
46:10Which one?
46:11Amanda, who do you think?
46:12I love you, Alex, but I think I'm going to go for the Jonathan one.
46:14Jonathan Reynolds.
46:15Ben and Bea?
46:16I'm going to go for that crying European politician.
46:18Crying European, OK.
46:19Crying European.
46:20Obviously.
46:21I agree with you.
46:22Go with the crying European.
46:23Well, majority rules, I suppose.
46:24We'll give it to the crying European.
46:25Hang on, hang on.
46:26In the spirit of what JD Vance said about him,
46:28majority doesn't rule, doesn't like democracy,
46:30so therefore he shouldn't win it.
46:31Well, I've obviously done this once and once only.
46:33I win.
46:34This is the first and only time that it will go to somebody
46:36that you all think should get it.
46:37Christoph Husksen.
46:40This is obviously difficult for me.
46:45It's very difficult for me.
46:47I'm going to need a big hug at the end of this, obviously, for everybody.
46:50That was Plank of the Week.
46:51The German diplomat who cries because somebody said something he didn't like.
46:55We'll see you next week on Plank of the Week.
47:09.