No sabe cómo decir la verdad
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00:00We were going to talk about family secrets.
00:02We received this post that I want you to follow me to review it.
00:06It says,
00:07You don't know that I owe like 15 million.
00:10I'm not doing well.
00:11And we communicate with this person.
00:13It's a person that we have on the phone.
00:16Miguel, thank you very much for being in contact with us
00:20because the truth is that, of course, we can talk about different secrets,
00:23but there are secrets that can also affect the family's economy
00:27and probably to protect them, in some way, we keep them.
00:30How are you? How can we help you?
00:33More or less.
00:34More or less, I imagine.
00:36How long have you been with these debts?
00:39It's been a long time.
00:41And why do these debts start?
00:43No, family problems, diseases.
00:47Are you working?
00:49No.
00:51You are not working.
00:52Did you end up in debt in different banks, loans that you were asking for, or just one?
00:59No, in several parts.
01:01Let's see, if you could describe to me what your debt is like.
01:05Let's see, but in what way?
01:09Do you owe so much money in a bank or elsewhere? Tell me.
01:12No, in several parts. For example, in a store, in a bank.
01:19In a multi-store? Did you use the multi-store credit cards?
01:22Yes.
01:23How many multi-stores?
01:27Like three, four.
01:29Ah, right. In these multi-stores. Also, in a bank.
01:34Yes.
01:35Right, when you have water up to your neck, literally.
01:38And why don't you tell your family?
01:40No, because my parents are old, that's why.
01:44Do you live with your parents who are older adults?
01:47Yes.
01:48Right. Why do you think they won't understand you?
01:51In the end, it could be even a relief.
01:53Did you get into debt to help them?
01:57Yes.
01:58Right.
01:59Can you tell me what that relationship is like?
02:03Because, in the end, from what I can deduce, you took care of them.
02:07They live with you, you live with them. How is it?
02:09No, I live with them.
02:11Right.
02:13And why did you need, in what minute did you need to get into debt?
02:17No, different problems, my dad's surgery, my sister's, the same.
02:23Right. Now, it's 15 million in total that you owe.
02:28Yes.
02:29How would they react if you told them this secret that you're keeping?
02:33Give it to them.
02:35Yes, in the end, to save them that concern, probably also suffering.
02:40Look, stay on the line, because we're with Dr. Bolsillo,
02:44and probably he can also guide us in some way,
02:47because when there are so many debts, one could say,
02:50no, put all the debts together in one, take a credit, pay everything.
02:53But clearly, if he's not working, it's very difficult for him to get a credit.
02:56It's quite difficult.
02:57Good afternoon, Miguel.
02:58Your case represents what happens to many people, Priscila.
03:01Yes.
03:02In my office, there have been people who haven't told their family debts.
03:07I met a person who had been fired,
03:09and she went out every day dressed like she was going to work.
03:12She didn't tell her wife.
03:13Or a woman who didn't trust her husband,
03:15and she had savings so that her husband didn't know,
03:18because she was afraid of spending the money.
03:20So, in the end, these things happen.
03:22What I recommend to Miguel is that the debt issues always come up at some point.
03:27I mean, this is going to be known later or sooner,
03:30because they're going to call you to charge you, because you're going to run out of money.
03:34So, I think it's reasonable.
03:37Also, Miguel, in your case, you used a good part of the money to help your parents.
03:41So, I understand that one of a sudden says,
03:43look, I don't want to generate a worry, a pain, or a feeling of anguish.
03:49But many times, when you face this later, it's worse.
03:52It's worse.
03:53So, normally, here I dare to comment on the other cases,
03:56this happens because we have fear, fear and distrust.
04:00And the case of financial infidelity brings a lot of pain,
04:03because you thought things were one way and they were another.
04:06So, I think the best thing is to try to solve the problem,
04:09because suddenly, in the same family, one can help him find solutions.
04:12Yes, because I hear you very distressed,
04:14and if you also answered us through social media, it was a kind of relief.
04:19I understand that it could have been like that, Miguel, or not?
04:22Yes.
04:24Give me a second, because Jairo also wants to talk to you.
04:27Yes, hello Miguel, how are you? Jairo Valdez here.
04:30Look, you know what? I'm going to tell you a personal experience of mine,
04:34not a debt as big as yours,
04:36but also so that the psychologist can help us here.
04:39A while ago, when I got married,
04:42I also often lied about economic problems.
04:47Why?
04:49That's why I understand you, Miguel.
04:52Many times because I said, why am I going to tell my problem,
04:55for example, to my wife or my family,
04:58if no one is going to be able to help me?
05:00I have to solve this problem myself.
05:02So, in order not to create a burden,
05:05I said, if I already have this burden,
05:07why am I going to pass this burden on to other people?
05:10So, my question goes to our psychologist.
05:13If many times that same guilt, one wants to pass it on to his family,
05:17and it's not that one wants to lie to them for hurting them,
05:20but for a feeling of protection.
05:22Yes.
05:23Of course.
05:24There is always a secret.
05:26There is no secret if it is not based on a type of relationship.
05:30If you look at everything we are going to hear,
05:32there are relationships that are under that.
05:34So, one could ask two questions.
05:36When I have a secret,
05:37what am I taking care of in the others that I want to keep this?
05:40I say this because it is a type of relationship.
05:42For example, Jairo, there are things he doesn't know about me,
05:45but they are not a secret because we don't have a type of relationship
05:47in which he should know everything about me.
05:49But if I have things that my mother or my partner or my son
05:52don't know, depending on that type of relationship,
05:54then it is a secret.
05:55Do you understand?
05:56Not everything that one doesn't count is a secret.
05:58So, I have to ask myself two questions.
06:00What am I taking care of in the others that I don't want to say this?
06:03And this is the most important.
06:04And what am I taking care of in myself?
06:06Many times, don't think that I can't,
06:09don't think that I'm not enough,
06:11don't think that I'm not worth it.
06:13Self-image, self-esteem, personal value are taken care of.
06:16And then, one requires a little advice
06:19because sometimes one gets stuck in holding a kind of identity
06:23and castle in the air,
06:25that when, as Alejandro said, one falls,
06:27the consequences are complex.
06:29And sometimes one reveals it, in the economic case,
06:32and one finds support.
06:34It's like, why didn't I say it before?
06:36Actually, it could have been solved.
06:38Yes, especially so that they don't feel so overwhelmed.
06:41It's true, Miguel somehow has a super heavy backpack.
06:44He knows that his parents, who are also older adults,
06:47won't be able to help him.
06:49And he probably only thinks that it could cause them more concern.
06:53But, anyway, it's important
06:56to open your heart to them,
06:59to make them understand you.
07:01The important thing is that this doesn't turn into a more serious situation,
07:04especially in mental health.
07:06In the last two years, so many people have indebted themselves
07:09in commercial houses,
07:11in retail, in banks,
07:13making a bigger and bigger hole,
07:15which they think they'll never be able to get out of.
07:18But it's also important that we can address it
07:21as a family, as much as possible.
07:23Just as you were telling us, Dr. Bolsillo,
07:25there are so many people who live in a situation like this,
07:27which is very complex.
07:29It's very complex, and Miguel, this has a solution.
07:31There are many people who are watching us
07:33who don't know that there is a new law,
07:35which is several years old, five years old,
07:37which is called the law of insolvency and re-entrepreneurship.
07:39Before, it was known as the law of bankruptcy,
07:41which was only for companies.
07:43There are so many people who...
07:45Imagine if Miguel, who has 15 million pesos,
07:47doesn't have any income.
07:49I don't know if Miguel is still with us.
07:51Miguel, are you still there?
07:53Miguel? There he is.
07:55Miguel, what income did you have
07:57when you were working?
08:05No, it looks like you can't hear us well, Miguel.
08:07But, look, let's suppose you had...
08:09Miguel, can you hear us well?
08:11Yes, I can hear you.
08:13Now I can hear you.
08:15Pay attention. What income did you have
08:17approximately when you were working?
08:21Almost 500, it depends.
08:23Right.
08:25So, you have a debt that,
08:27as Miguel told us,
08:29is impractical to pay.
08:31So, this new law, Miguel,
08:33I also invite you to visit it.
08:35It's called the law of insolvency and re-entrepreneurship,
08:37where you receive advice
08:39and you receive help because,
08:41in the end, it helps you to start again.
08:43That's what it's about, let's say.
08:45Wait a minute. Do you have to pay the debt?
08:47Of course, you have to meet some conditions.
08:49I think Miguel meets several, let's say.
08:51He has unpaid debts, he has more than one creditor.
08:53You have to...
08:55But does that also have a negative side
08:57for people?
08:59Look, the person will probably
09:01be out of the system
09:03for a while,
09:05but a brief period, let's say.
09:07Five years, maybe?
09:09No, no, no, no.
09:11All your debts are going to be paid
09:13and you disappear from your debt
09:15from your report, let's say.
09:17The financial institutions come and say,
09:19suddenly, Priscila's debt is zero.
09:21They find it suspicious, let's say.
09:23But, deep down, it gives the person
09:25the opportunity to start from scratch.
09:27They think Miguel spent money on operations,
09:29on his parents, on his brother.
09:31So, it's a special case.
09:33And the other thing I wanted to say,
09:35mentally, Priscila, because
09:37one of the things that happens to us in Chile
09:39is that when we form a relationship,
09:41we talk about what we like, about food,
09:43and we don't talk about money.
09:45And we start to get agonized when the relationship is formed
09:47and there's a surprise.
09:49Clarissa Muñoz is very attentive
09:51to what we're talking about,
09:53and she's raising her hand because she has something to say.
09:55Hi, Clari.
09:59Yes, Pris. How are you?
10:01I was listening attentively to what Miguel was saying.
10:03And it's something you have to pay a lot of attention to.
10:05It can't go unnoticed.
10:07I know two cases, quite close,
10:09of people whose parents
10:11ended up taking their lives
10:13as a result of their debts,
10:15because they were overpaid,
10:17they couldn't go to their families,
10:19they didn't dare to talk in time,
10:21and finally, this burden was so terrible
10:23that they ended up making the worst decision of all.
10:25So, I was listening to the story
10:27and I wanted to share this
10:29and also tell Miguel
10:31to try to find support,
10:33to trust the people
10:35they love,
10:37and also to tell all the people
10:39that we're here in Vegas,
10:41we're right in front of Aunt Ari,
10:43if they have any family secrets
10:45or anything related to the topic they're talking about,
10:47or any family secret,
10:49we'll be here, we'll bring our mic open
10:51to share their story.
10:53Yes, perfect.
10:55What Clarissa says is very important,
10:57especially when we keep family secrets
10:59to protect our loved ones,
11:01we worry so much.
11:03Look, it happened
11:05when a huge number
11:07of casinos appeared
11:09at the national level,
11:11and a lot of people became gamblers,
11:13people who lost their properties,
11:15and those secrets were also
11:17kept when they already had
11:19a broken family.
11:21And probably, of course,
11:23it can end in a very dramatic way
11:25if we don't exteriorize it in the world.
11:27I'm leaving the economic issue,
11:29and the point is very good,
11:31because couples sometimes worry,
11:33and they meet, and they talk about love,
11:35all that stuff that is very entertaining and rich,
11:37but after we decide on a common project,
11:39there are things that have to do with something specific.
11:41Where do we live? Whose house is it?
11:43How much do we finance?
11:45Do we have the luxuries to maintain
11:47the standard of living we want?
11:49Whatever it is.
11:51So, many times, talking about money
11:53as if it were ugly,
11:55and if that has nothing to do
11:57with the conditions that allow
11:59that commitment, including money,
12:01of course we have to talk about it.
12:03Another thing is that I demand
12:05that you keep me with a certain standard,
12:07that has nothing to do with it,
12:09but money, of course, is fundamental
12:11to have life.
12:13Sure, because it can be so romantic
12:15to say, with you, bread and onion,
12:17but the truth is that it can even affect
12:19the family relationship,
12:21or even, psychologically, many people.