In this Valentine’s Day ep of #CosmoConvosWithIda, we talk about Gen Z dating trends—from situationships to swiping right—with none other than @CoachVee and @danibuenvenida of @landianwithdani 👄
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00:00They might notice that I have like 500 matches, 1,000 matches.
00:04But when it comes to Valentine's Day, how come I don't have a date?
00:12Hi, Cosmo! We're here today for another episode of Cosmo Convos with Ida.
00:17And for today, it's a special Valentine's Day episode.
00:20And we have two relationship experts with us today
00:24to talk about everything about dating, relationships, and dating.
00:29First, we have the Landi Tip Queen on TikTok.
00:32She hosts the Landian with Dani podcast,
00:35and she actually graduated magna cum laude from UP Diliman.
00:39She graduated with a degree in speech communication
00:42with an area of concentration in interpersonal and instructional communication.
00:47And then for our second guest, we have the Philippines' first
00:50U.S.-certified matchmaker and a pioneering relationship coach.
00:54As the founder of Singles Events Manila,
00:56she transforms the dating scene with expert, science-based insights.
01:01Let's welcome Dani and Coach V.
01:04Yay!
01:05I'm so excited to talk about Landian because usually it's just me and the girls.
01:09So, you know, it's nice to have an expert opinion on my relationship problems.
01:14And, you know, just like sharing, it's always a shared experience.
01:18The heartbreak, the like, kiling.
01:20So for Coach V, as a matchmaker, you've seen so many different approaches to dating.
01:26What would you say are the most common dating struggles that,
01:29you know, that Gen Z faces today?
01:31So one of the struggles that I'm seeing
01:35that Gen Z is facing right now is the overload.
01:39So they have so much options that they could not decide
01:42whether do I go on a date with this person or maybe somebody will come better?
01:48Or do I just commit to this person?
01:51Or maybe I'm going to keep them in a situationship and wait for a better one.
01:55So it's that options overload that's happening right now
01:59because of technological advancements as well.
02:02I said there are so many ways to meet people now, right?
02:04Before it was just like in college or in school, at work.
02:08Now it's like, do I go to this running club?
02:11Do I go to this, like, again, the events, right?
02:15Or like a party of a friend of a friend.
02:17Okay, so that's what.
02:19So Ida, just to add, I do think that it's easier to find new friends right now,
02:25but it's harder and harder to connect with them on a deeper level.
02:30So it's kind of like, it's not shallow,
02:32but I guess it's like a one-off kind of thing because there are so many options.
02:38You have so many options.
02:38If you have 10 people in the room,
02:40then you only get to spend like maybe one minute per person.
02:43But if you only have three people, then you get to invest three minutes per person.
02:48So you are into deeper relationship.
02:49And finding love is about investing and going deeper to really connect with them.
02:55Okay, so Dani, as the creator of Landian with Dani,
02:58you've had a front row seat to how Gen Z, front row, get it?
03:01Yeah.
03:03Because like you're always in your car when you're there.
03:05Oh my God, that's so smart.
03:06Right?
03:07I love that.
03:09You've had a front row seat to how Gen Z navigate relationships.
03:13What do you think is the biggest misconception about Gen Z's approach to love?
03:18I feel like the biggest misconception is that we're not ready for commitment.
03:23Ooh, okay.
03:24Because we are.
03:26It's just that, as Koji said, we have a lot of options,
03:29but we can't choose which one to the point of feeling like Gen Z.
03:36They want to settle, but also, what do you call this?
03:40It's like they don't know who to settle with.
03:42And I feel like it's real, the right person, wrong time.
03:47Because sometimes, you're not ready.
03:50But that's the right person.
03:51I feel like that's why you have a thought.
03:53Thought, yeah.
03:53The one that got away.
03:56Okay.
03:56We're ready to settle.
03:58It's just that we get so overwhelmed.
04:00Okay.
04:01And I agree with her.
04:02In terms of being relationship-oriented,
04:05I feel like they have the capability.
04:07I'm gonna say they because you're part of the Gen Z.
04:10They have the capability to connect more.
04:13Actually, we've found that they want more from dating apps.
04:16They just don't want volume.
04:18That's why, if you look at the data,
04:21the downloads of dating apps are going down right now.
04:24Because they're having some sort of, you know, they're rebelling.
04:28So, they're looking for other ways to meet potential partners.
04:33Yeah, dating apps are getting burned out.
04:34Because they're noticing,
04:36I have like 500 matches, 1,000 matches,
04:39but when Valentine's Day comes,
04:41how come I don't have a date?
04:43And I'm still single.
04:47That's me.
04:49I feel like you've already seen those people on those dating apps
04:52how many times, right?
04:53Like, how many times have you reached the end of the bumble?
04:56This is personal experience.
04:58I think we're coming from a different part.
05:00You've already swiped all of them,
05:02then it's like you don't have any more.
05:03I don't think so.
05:04And I feel like another thing is,
05:06Gen Zs are afraid to be vulnerable now.
05:09And I think social media plays a big part in that.
05:12Because we show all the good things in social media.
05:16All the filtered things.
05:17To the point that we're also scared to show our imperfections,
05:21our vulnerabilities in real life,
05:23when we're actually talking to people.
05:25But to be fair with the Gen Z,
05:28I agree that they are in a very challenging position right now.
05:31Because if you talk to our grandparents,
05:34how did they find their partner?
05:35Kapitbahay ko,
05:37akatabaho ng kapatid ko,
05:41o kaya pamangkin ng ka-opisina.
05:44So the mindset before is,
05:47whoever is malapit,
05:49yun yung mapapangasawa ko.
05:50Right now, you don't have that proximity already.
05:54Because pwede kong ngayon,
05:56pwede nyo nang mapangasawa,
05:58yung office mate niya,
05:59yung kabilang barangay, kabilang city,
06:02even internationally, may access na siya.
06:04Because of the dating app.
06:05So just imagine yung doubt din that they are having.
06:10Am I choosing right?
06:12Or do I go for the FM?
06:15Or do I go for the Pinoy?
06:17Or do I go for a lot of other options?
06:19Is it worldwide?
06:21Yeah, it's really...
06:22Am I settling if I go for this?
06:24Or do I wait for the best?
06:27And the best may never come.
06:28So we talk about dating fatigue,
06:31you know, Gen Z,
06:32since again, they have a lot of options,
06:34they don't know now where they're gonna look.
06:37What do you think is the root cause of that?
06:39And how do they overcome it?
06:41Yeah, I feel like social media,
06:44it makes, like for my son,
06:47I think it makes dating more practical,
06:49more realistic.
06:50Kasi nga, if we go back to the previous generation,
06:53konti lang yung options,
06:56so you're gonna settle.
06:58And ngayon kasi parang,
07:00it's easier, you have a lot of options.
07:02And also, social media.
07:03Lalo ng TikTok,
07:04people become so authentic and genuine,
07:08and they say their dating experiences,
07:11na pahiyaba sila sa date,
07:12pinahiyaba sila ng date nila.
07:14So parang, alam mo yun,
07:15parang it makes flirting and dating,
07:19it shows na parang,
07:20we're all going through the same experience,
07:22like kahit papano.
07:23Okay.
07:24Yeah.
07:27You make sense, my love.
07:28And yung sa sinabi niya na,
07:30it's easier,
07:33actually, it's easier to settle before,
07:35because you have lesser option.
07:37Right now, it makes you wanna think na,
07:39oh, look at his date, she's so hot.
07:43Look at yung napangasawa ng
07:45pinafollow ko sa social media,
07:47like, he's perfect,
07:48and then I'm gonna settle with this guy,
07:50with kulang ng hair,
07:52or, alam mo yun.
07:54So it's so hard,
07:55because you get to see their love life, diba?
07:58Yeah, and there's comparison na,
08:00because you can see everybody's situation.
08:02Yeah, tsaka laging may relationship goals,
08:04and you wanna live up to everyone else's.
08:07So, Coach V, you have a lot of,
08:10you know a lot about the science of dating.
08:12So it's really science back,
08:14research back,
08:14you mentioned studies before.
08:16Are there any tips that you have
08:18for someone who's struggling
08:19to find the right match?
08:21Oh, wow.
08:22So, we have a lot of tips for you,
08:24but one thing that I would say,
08:26that's why we promote self-improvement nila,
08:30alam mo kung bakit,
08:31because we have this theory,
08:33and it's called Matching Hypothesis.
08:36Ano yung ibig sabihin ng Matching Hypothesis?
08:38Basically, ang sinasuggest nun is,
08:41ang nakakatuluyan daw natin,
08:43is ka-level ng attractiveness level natin.
08:45Wow.
08:46So Dani, for example, diba?
08:49Dani is a 10,
08:52she will either go for a 9, a 10, or an 11.
08:55Wow.
08:56She's not gonna go for somebody who's 5,
08:58you know why?
08:59Because she's gonna feel na,
09:01I can do better.
09:02Why would I settle for 5?
09:04But she's not gonna go for somebody who's 13.
09:07Why?
09:08Ang dami kong competition dyan.
09:09Dolokohin ako nyan.
09:11So, she's gonna go within her level.
09:13That's why I would always say,
09:14if you want a better match,
09:16you don't pick a better match.
09:18You elevate yourself.
09:19You work on yourself so you become better,
09:21and then you match with people on a higher scale.
09:25That's so smart.
09:26So, kumari, if you're like,
09:28personally, you think,
09:29I'm a 7, ganyan.
09:30I'm gonna work hard to be a 10,
09:31so I attract a 10.
09:33Yes, so that a 9, an 8, and a 10 will go for you
09:38and not feel nalugi sila.
09:40Okay.
09:41Because you are in that, in their level as well.
09:43Yeah, okay.
09:44Gusto po yung may naririn si dami.
09:46Nagmaisin talaga siya.
09:47Para doon mabasok yung you be who you wanna date.
09:49Yes.
09:51And for example, you want somebody who is fit,
09:54and you know, yung nagkakold plunge,
09:56nagyiyogas,
09:57Wow, naggerun.
09:58Naggerun, naggerakon.
10:00Well, if you don't do these things,
10:03you don't resonate with the person,
10:04and they don't see you sharing that lifestyle with you.
10:08Because you don't know anything.
10:10Ano called plunge?
10:14So, be in the lifestyle of the man or the woman
10:18that you wanna date.
10:19That's true.
10:19Totoo naman.
10:20Parang even without theory or like,
10:23alam mo yun, just based on experience.
10:24Siyempre sasabayan mo yung gusto mo i-date.
10:27Diba? You get into their interests.
10:29So for Dani, what's one piece of advice naman
10:33that you'd like to give to someone who feels
10:35they're stuck in the swipe culture?
10:37Since you mentioned na, you know,
10:39you're on the apps and all that.
10:41I feel like swipe in real life.
10:44No kasi, no kasi, ano, diba?
10:48You keep on swiping on dating apps.
10:51And in dating apps, when you swipe right,
10:54you match, you make the first move.
10:56Like even if you're a boy or a girl,
10:57whatever that dating app is.
10:59We fail to do that in real life.
11:01Kasi pag may nakita na tayo, okay, type ko to,
11:04na-swipe ko na siya in my head na right.
11:06Pero hindi ko siya kakausapin.
11:07And then, nag-expire na yung chance mo
11:11to actually interact with that person.
11:13May expiration din parang sa app talaga.
11:15Kasi sa app, 24 hours.
11:17You have 24 hours to...
11:18You have less than that.
11:19Paano ba in real life?
11:20You have 10 minutes.
11:22Sometimes seconds.
11:23Seconds bang.
11:24Kapag naglalakad lang sa area.
11:25And you're gonna miss that chance.
11:26Kaya parang I tell people who watch my Lundi Tips,
11:30you have to practice.
11:32Parang treat yourself as a flirting athlete.
11:34Nakahit hindi mo kaharapin.
11:36I love it!
11:37She just created her own term.
11:40Flirting athlete.
11:41Oh, what do you do?
11:43I'm an athlete.
11:44What kind of athlete?
11:45Flirting athlete.
11:46MVP, okay.
11:48Otherwise, you think about it.
11:50You have to practice flirting.
11:52Kasi there's also this thing called the playful flirt.
11:55You flirt with someone kahit hindi mo naman sya super type.
11:58And I feel like...
11:59In short, pinapasa mo lang.
12:00Hindi!
12:02Like for example, like sa bar or sa party.
12:04Hindi mo lang sya mangkita bukas.
12:06So, try mo na.
12:08Flirt with that person.
12:10Let's say, gumana.
12:10Edy, good job.
12:12Pinpoint mo na yung sa utak mo.
12:14Okay, gagawin ko to.
12:14Pag na-meet ko yung the love of my life.
12:16Kapag hindi naman sya gumana, edy...
12:18Okay, try the next approach.
12:20Di ba? Parang ganun din naman pag athlete.
12:21You keep on trying.
12:22You keep on like...
12:23Practicing.
12:24Practice makes perfect.
12:26So when a friend interrupts you when you're talking to a man,
12:28you say,
12:29Pag mo na nag-training ako.
12:31I'm sorry.
12:32Hindi demure.
12:32Hindi pala na.
12:34Love on branding.
12:35On branding.
12:39Okay, so again, a while ago we were talking about
12:41like Gen Z struggling to find the one or settling down.
12:46Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
12:47Kasi like we were saying a while ago na
12:50yung mga lola natin, kapit-bahay kasi.
12:52So doon na silang nag-settle.
12:53Pero we all know na hindi naman sya...
12:55Ibig sabihin, it's the best.
12:56Not necessarily, absolutely.
12:57Di ba? Like it doesn't mean it's gonna work out.
12:59So is it a good thing that they're more selective now?
13:02Like Gen Z?
13:04So I feel like the delay in commitment with...
13:08In relationships, it's because of one,
13:10is high standards.
13:12Second would be,
13:14Gen Z is the generation wherein we see a lot of like self-work.
13:19Self-growth.
13:21Growth mindset.
13:22Like of course, the millennials has that too.
13:25But like Gen Z is being born in a generation wherein
13:29if you wanna succeed,
13:30you have a lot of content that's saying
13:32you have to do this and do that.
13:34And it's an after effect or side effect na
13:38napuput yung relationship sa backburner
13:41or not a priority.
13:43Because like I need to do this
13:45and I need to be able to run my own company
13:47or I need to be able to enter the management level
13:50by the age of whatever.
13:51So sabi nga nila, you can only serve one master.
13:54And although there is an appreciation
13:56for being good in relationships,
13:59nakakaroon din ng high and high demand to be successful
14:02in terms of monetary and career.
14:05So that's the challenge for Gen Z
14:08and the millennials as well.
14:10What about you?
14:11Yeah, I feel like that aspect makes dating,
14:16again, more practical.
14:18Kasi parang you would know na you have a lot of options.
14:23But again, too much of something is not good din naman.
14:27So if you keep on, sabi yung coach V,
14:30focusing on yourself, yourself, yourself,
14:31wala ka ng time to find love,
14:33to find a relationship.
14:35And as you keep on focusing
14:37and making yourself a better version,
14:39tataas na rin yung standards ko.
14:42That means your pool becomes leaner as well.
14:47Okay, so kumari, again, the theory kanina,
14:50pag pa 10 ako ng paakyat, paakyat.
14:52Ilan ba ang nasa 10 lang?
14:53That's true.
14:54It's fewer.
14:56Ilan lang ba yung taong nag self-discipline
15:00na they'd rather do inner work than do scroll?
15:05Diba?
15:05Kokonte.
15:06So we are fighting for the same 1%.
15:10And we've actually seen that in a lot of studies.
15:14Na-demonstrate ko yan.
15:161% lang.
15:18Sarap.
15:20Sorry.
15:221%.
15:241% lang pala.
15:26Danny, resource ka, Danny.
15:30I want to give you a word of...
15:32Yeah.
15:32So there was this one interesting study wherein
15:35pinakita nila na sa dating app daw,
15:38men, only 10% are getting a lot of attention from women.
15:42And the 90% hindi daw masyado napapansin.
15:45And these are the 90% na okay naman sila,
15:48they're relationship-oriented,
15:50but maybe they're not the fittest,
15:52maybe they're not the most foggy.
15:54Yung sabihin natin yung 10% na pinag-aagawan ng women,
15:58they feel like, oh, I have so many women.
16:00So they don't settle too.
16:02So lalo lang din nasasaktan yung mga babae kasi,
16:05oh, I really love that man,
16:06kaso he wants to date around.
16:09Because we are all fighting for the same part of the pie
16:13while ignoring the rest.
16:15Who could have been a good husband as well?
16:18Yeah.
16:19Danny.
16:20Sobrang feel na feel.
16:21Danny, yung mga Gen Z na ka-age mo,
16:24pustahin tayo pare-pareho yung sinaswipe right nyo.
16:27I feel like, I feel like, yeah.
16:30One time, I had this friend,
16:31though we were talking about going on this dating app,
16:34we were sharing the experience,
16:36parang magsaya kausip ng guy.
16:38May substance talaga,
16:40tapos biglang nagulat kami,
16:41same guy.
16:42OMG!
16:42Yeah.
16:43But yeah, I feel like that's proof
16:46that what could be said was true then.
16:48Dito pa papasok yung compromise.
16:52Oh, sige.
16:52Talk to us about compromise then.
16:54Ah, nahihirapan po ako mag-compromise.
16:57I think I'm young pa kasi.
16:59So I think I can give myself options pa.
17:04Kaya po pang hindi muna mag-settle.
17:06So explore.
17:07Explore muna.
17:08And I think, I keep on saying this,
17:10na nagagalit yung nanay ko na,
17:12selfish pa ako,
17:13kaya ayokong mag-compromise.
17:14Oh, that, ano.
17:15It happens.
17:16Hanggang sinasabi ni Kochi,
17:17totoo.
17:18Kasi yung break.
17:19Yeah, but it's not your fault
17:21because you are born in a generation
17:24wherein that is actually being rewarded right now.
17:28Focus ka muna sa sarili mo.
17:29Focus ka muna sa ganyan, diba?
17:30Before kasi,
17:31nakasubukan mong wag mag-asawa ng beyond 20,
17:35then you're gonna be called selfish.
17:37Because you're supposed to be raising a family already.
17:39But right now,
17:40it's not selfish to still expand your career
17:43even if you're on your 30s.
17:44Yeah.
17:45Parang I feel like there's been a shift din na
17:48talagang focus on yourself
17:50or like the right one will come at the right time
17:53or meet you when you're ready.
17:56Ganun din.
17:57And I feel like dun din pupasok nga.
17:58When you focus more on yourself,
18:00you love yourself more.
18:01And when a person comes and shows you love and affection,
18:04you'd accept it fully and wholeheartedly.
18:07Hindi ka na magkakaroon ng self-sabotaging thoughts.
18:10Parang, why do you like me?
18:11Why do you want to court me?
18:12Why do you want to put the time and the effort
18:15to get to know me?
18:16So, yeah, it's a good thing.
18:18Self-love is a good thing
18:19as long as you keep it regulated.
18:20Yeah.
18:22I love that.
18:22You have to regulate even the self-love.
18:24Tito, oh.
18:25Kasi pag nasubahan ka naman sa self-love,
18:27selfish na talaga.
18:28Sure.
18:28You don't need somebody na to exist.
18:30So, what if you would like to have children
18:33and a family in the future?
18:35Like, there's one point na self-love is healthy,
18:38but in order to have a family
18:41or to maintain a relationship,
18:43may mababawas talaga doon
18:45na you have to do loving other persons.
18:48So, less yoga time, maybe.
18:51Less shopping time.
18:52Because you have to do things for the people that you love.
18:55Yeah.
18:55So, may sacrifice part.
18:58Yeah.
18:58And even, kasi a lot of girls nowadays in our generation,
19:02they're very vocal doon about not wanting family.
19:06So, at the end of the day pa rin,
19:08even if you don't want kids,
19:09you would want a partner.
19:10And you would need a partner.
19:12Absolutely.
19:12At the end of the day.
19:13Because we are wired to be with somebody.
19:17We're not wired to be alone.
19:18We are a social creature.
19:20So, kahit sobrang, you know,
19:22we value that we are strong, independent women.
19:26And we love that.
19:27You know why?
19:27Because when you have the, for example,
19:29you've took care of yourself
19:30and you have the capacity to provide for yourself,
19:33you're not gonna look for a partner na,
19:36ah, kailangan bilin ako ng lipstick, kailangan.
19:38I mean, I don't need a partner who's like that
19:40because I could buy my own lipstick anymore.
19:42I just need my partner to love me.
19:44Support.
19:45And to be loyal to me, you know.
19:47So, hindi ka na,
19:48you stop asking for the basic minimum stuff.
19:50Yeah.
19:50Because you can already give that for yourself.
19:53Okay.
19:53So, speaking of the basic minimum stuff,
19:57what are the red flags?
19:59What naman are the red flags na you've noticed
20:03regardless of generation na,
20:07again, like, some people before,
20:09okay na yan, basta, I feel good,
20:12basta, they provide for me.
20:14Pero actually may red flags sila na,
20:16and they ignore.
20:17I feel like a common pattern right now with Gen Zs,
20:20lalo na girls.
20:21They have a messiah complex na parang,
20:24I can fix this man,
20:26but you cannot.
20:28Because this man can only fix himself.
20:30So, I think red flag na kunyari,
20:33you're dating a man.
20:35Red flag na rin yun sa'yo eh.
20:36Kasi alam mo namang hindi siya ready.
20:38Pagpipilitan.
20:39Akala ko red flag yung you're dating a man.
20:41Okay, okay.
20:43Parang red flag siya in both.
20:44Receiver and giver red flag.
20:46Okay.
20:46Kasi ang daming ganyan eh,
20:47parang ate Danny,
20:49paano ko siya ayusin?
20:51Like, he has trauma,
20:52how am I gonna make this man fall in love with me?
20:56Honey, he has trauma but the face.
20:59Tapos, you're gonna think,
21:01or you're gonna want him to like,
21:02focus on you.
21:03Yeah.
21:04E kulang nga siya ng time for himself.
21:06Mapasok ulit yung minimension na
21:09self-growth and fixing yourself.
21:12Not naman fixing,
21:13but like,
21:14working on improving yourself.
21:15Self-improvement.
21:16Yeah.
21:17So, akala ko isasagot mo nung sinabihan ka na,
21:19ate Danny, how will I fix him?
21:21Akala ko sabihin mo siya,
21:22oh, this is how you fix him,
21:23you fix yourself?
21:25Puro ayusin ako.
21:27Ayusin mo, Dory.
21:28Pagka hindi ka naghalap ng lalaking aayusin mo,
21:30you fix yourself.
21:31Pwede rin naman.
21:32Makes sense din.
21:33Tapos biglang nag-unfollow siya sa'yo after.
21:35Hinate na.
21:37Nasaksan pala.
21:38Truth hurts, ganyan.
21:40Inner work din to not be attracted to that red flag,
21:44diba, na parang,
21:45wow, guys, natuto na.
21:47No, kasi parang you have to find
21:51within yourself na parang,
21:53okay, what makes me attracted to this red flag?
21:57Like, what makes it a pattern?
21:59Is that something you guys have experienced
22:02or have seen with people who talk to you
22:06na parang,
22:07constantly silang attracted sa cheaters?
22:10Or like,
22:15or like,
22:16something na lagi.
22:16Di ka pala mo na.
22:17Alam nyo, di ba, parang,
22:19so is there something within that person na parang,
22:22ah, okay,
22:22maybe it's something I need to work on myself?
22:25Kasi it's not an external thing necessarily, di ba?
22:28Yeah.
22:30One thing that I said is,
22:32that I say in my conversations is,
22:34be compassionate sa'yo.
22:36Kasi sometimes,
22:38totoon that it's our fault,
22:40yung type of man or woman that we choose.
22:43But sometimes,
22:44even if you don't deserve them,
22:46they're the one who come to you.
22:50So do not blame yourself because you're,
22:52but accountability is very important in life.
22:55Let me just share this short study,
22:56na nakita nila na,
22:58when you train the kids early in life na,
23:01whatever happens in your life,
23:02kapag may mindset sila na,
23:04kahit ano mangyari sa buhay ko,
23:05ako may kasalanan,
23:07compared sa set of kids na,
23:09kahit ano mangyari sa buhay nila,
23:10si mami may kasalanan,
23:12or si Yayo may kasalanan,
23:13or yung iba.
23:14So when they grow up,
23:15tinignan sila if they become successful,
23:17those kids who had accountability early on in their life,
23:20na naniniwala sila na mayaman ako,
23:23or I'm struggling,
23:24I'm having a good love life,
23:26or a bad love life,
23:27it's not because of the economy,
23:28it's not because of the dating apps,
23:30it's all because of them.
23:31So accountability is very important,
23:33but at the same time,
23:34giving parang konting leeway for yourself na,
23:38or maybe I chose somebody who has red flags right now,
23:40it doesn't mean that I couldn't choose better in the future.
23:44So life is an experiment,
23:46like my mom would always say that.
23:48And so kapag you are in a bad relationship right now,
23:51they take all the lessons,
23:52and then wait for that relationship to conclude,
23:56because it will if it's not meant for you.
23:59But sabi nga nila,
24:01a mistake that's repeated is already a choice.
24:04So don't choose it again.
24:05That's true.
24:08Okay, so what's one piece of advice you'd give to someone
24:13who feels like they're stuck in this whole dating world?
24:18Not necessarily just swiping or whatever,
24:20just like yung they can't seem to find to click with someone,
24:26or maybe they click,
24:27pero it just doesn't...
24:28Nakakapagod eh, diba?
24:29Pero what's that one piece of advice talaga na,
24:33no matter what happens,
24:34ito, balikan mo tong advice na to?
24:36Ako kasi, of course, I also dated a lot of men,
24:40so I also got my heart broken a few times,
24:44or like a lot of times.
24:47But like, I feel like ngayon kahit na say ma-reject ako,
24:52or my heart gets broken,
24:55iniisip ko na lang kasi na siguro,
24:57they don't appreciate me for me.
25:00And before, kasi I would always put a filter,
25:02parang I would be super demure.
25:04Pagkakain during the date, konti true lang.
25:07Ang hirap ko yun, no?
25:08Sumasakit ang batok ko,
25:09kasi parang I need to control who I really am.
25:12But at the middle of that relationship,
25:14lalabas din yung true self ko eh.
25:17Like hindi mo mapipigilan yun, ikaw yun eh.
25:19So I feel like for Gen Zs who are watching this,
25:22if you're dating out there, be yourself.
25:26Because the right person would appreciate it.
25:28And based on experience,
25:30yung mga guys na I really showed who I really was,
25:34sila yung mga nice talaga yung relationship ko sa kanila.
25:38Like even now, kinda like we're still friends.
25:40Hindi kami nag-break up on bad terms.
25:44Kasi, ayun, yun.
25:47So be authentic talaga.
25:49So what if matakaw ka talaga?
25:51So kakain ka talaga ng marami?
25:52Oo, yung tito ko, yung naka-tuluyo.
25:54Yung husband niya now,
25:56first date nila, nag-order siya ng Krispy Pata.
25:58Talaga?
25:59And there's...
26:00No.
26:01Like, dun sabi daw ng tito ko,
26:03like, this is the woman I'm gonna marry.
26:05Kasi parang yun pala,
26:06paresan ang favorite yung Krispy Pata.
26:09So yeah, if you just be your authentic self.
26:12Wasn't that faked?
26:14Diba?
26:14Gali.
26:16Or their Krispy Pata on the first date,
26:18yun na talaga yung secret.
26:20Actually, real, like,
26:21organic fairytale love stories come from.
26:24Kasi, hindi ka nag-base sa social media.
26:27Hindi ka nag-base sa mga dapat sinabi ng friends mo
26:30or sinabi ng mga tao na tips online.
26:33You became, you showed your true self
26:36at the end of the day.
26:38So yeah, Krispy Pata is key.
26:41Or didn't move on with you.
26:43Okay, what about you, Coach V?
26:45What's that one piece of advice?
26:47One piece of advice would be,
26:50I want them to remember that
26:53people who are positive about finding love,
26:57ends up finding love.
26:59And it's not just me saying that to give hope,
27:02but it's actually based on science.
27:05There's this scientist,
27:06her name is Dr. Terri Arbock.
27:09She's actually a friend as well.
27:10And she studied thousands and thousands of people
27:15because she's a scientist for almost 40 years.
27:19So nakita niya na yung mga taong naniniwala
27:22that there's love out there,
27:24that there's healthy relationship out there,
27:26na makakahanap ako ng somebody,
27:28they're the one who ends up with somebody
27:29by the end of their life.
27:31Manifest.
27:32Manifest.
27:32Doon din pa papasok yung manifesting.
27:35I don't know if there's a science to it.
27:36There's a science to it
27:38because when you're positive about love,
27:40when somebody comes to you,
27:42you don't shut them down.
27:43You give them a chance to come to you.
27:44You converse with them.
27:46You are more open.
27:47Because naniniwala ka,
27:48there's love out there
27:50compared to people who are cynical about love already.
27:52They're gonna be like,
27:53ah, hindi pa nga nagpapakita ng step 2.
27:56Sinasabi mo na,
27:57alam ko na gagawin niya sa step 10,
27:59iiwan niya ako.
28:01So they shut down the love kahit hindi,
28:04kung yun dapat yung dawan niya eh.
28:06So because of bad experience,
28:08because of trauma,
28:10they feel like every man is the same,
28:12every woman is the same.
28:13Ilang walahan mo na.
28:15Okay.
28:15So, nag-isa na siya.
28:18The tips are,
28:19don't eat crispy pata.
28:22Be yourself and be open to love.
28:25And just be open to it.
28:27Be positive.
28:28Accept love.
28:29Ayan.
28:30Love is in front of you.
28:31Hindi pala pwede maging nega.
28:33They call it emotionally available.
28:36Yes.
28:37And that's ano naman,
28:38according to Vanessa Edwards.
28:42Siya naman yung nag-akal na,
28:44ah, eto pala yung number one most attractive trait.
28:48Hindi pagiging maganda,
28:49hindi pagiging sexy,
28:50hindi pagiging mamuscle.
28:52She found that the most attractive trait
28:54when it comes to human beings
28:55is emotionally available.
28:56Iping sabihin, parang salande.
28:57Ganito ah.
28:58For example,
28:59there's this really, really hot guy.
29:00Yeah.
29:01And then,
29:01there's this guy.
29:02Okay?
29:03A hot guy and then there's a guy.
29:05And then you smile to both.
29:09And then,
29:09the really, really hot guy did this.
29:12And the not so hot guy smiled back.
29:16Kano ka lalapit?
29:18Dito na.
29:18Dito na.
29:19Kasi alam naman,
29:20hindi kayo na-reject.
29:21Yeah.
29:22That makes sense.
29:22Whether you're a man or a woman,
29:24people are afraid of rejection.
29:26So they don't go for the best.
29:27They go for the most open.
29:30So be open.
29:31That's why pala,
29:33hindi lagi gumagana yung panonchalant.
29:37Ahh.
29:38Because it's hard to get?
29:39Ganon.
29:39Gumagana pala.
29:41Being nonchalant,
29:42if you always have that demeanor,
29:45they will think na,
29:46ah, baka may boyfriend na siya.
29:47Baka may girlfriend na siya.
29:49Kasi hindi siya nag-respond positively.
29:51But when you're very open,
29:52they say,
29:52oh, that's a green signal.
29:54Let's go.
29:54Yeah.
29:55Then they flirt with you.
29:56Then they get to know you.
29:58First,
29:58dating apps or meeting in person?
30:01Meeting in person.
30:02Netflix and chill or dinner and a movie?
30:05Dinner and a movie.
30:06We need to talk or ghosting?
30:08We need to talk.
30:10Ghosting.
30:10Joke.
30:11Hindi, we need to talk.
30:12Emotion available nga eh.
30:14Yeah.
30:15Coach.
30:16Getting to know each other through text or in person?
30:19In person.
30:20First date, coffee shop or party?
30:23Coffee shop.
30:24Party.
30:26First date.
30:26What is that?
30:27Party.
30:28O ikaw muna bakit coffee shop?
30:29Coffee shop.
30:30Because I think you'd be able to converse more.
30:33Kasi sa party marami kang distractions.
30:35Kasi a lot of people go to parties,
30:37they're ready, they're prepared,
30:38tas nalakas ng music.
30:40Gotcha.
30:40So, although, pwede rin siya for lente.
30:43Kasi laging,
30:44what? What did you say?
30:44Can you say it again?
30:45Repeat.
30:47Pero if you want like super wholesome,
30:48maganda to first encounter.
30:51Wholesome.
30:52Okay yung wholesome.
30:53Wholesome ha?
30:55Wholesome.
30:55Wholesome pala to si Dani.
30:57Start muna, wholesome.
30:58The queen of the lendit hip is a wholesome.
31:01Ma.
31:26So I need, I wanna see like,
31:28like how is he kapag tinabi mo na sa ibang tao?
31:31Siya ba yung hindi makasabat in a conversation?
31:34Because maybe I value personality and being,
31:37I'm very extrovert,
31:38and I go to a lot of social.
31:40So imagine if I will be with somebody who's,
31:44who's gonna be hindi makasagot sa conversation.
31:48Diba? Bubulungan ko pa sabi mo ganito.
31:53Okay, next.
31:54PDA or keep it private?
31:57PDA.
31:59Okay, go explain.
32:01Okay.
32:03This is us personal, no?
32:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:05PDA because, and I'm speaking with,
32:08by experience,
32:09because if I'm with somebody,
32:11like I, I love to show affection.
32:13Yeah.
32:14So it doesn't matter like,
32:15when I'm with somebody,
32:16we tend to have that bubble that sometimes we for,
32:19we forgot na,
32:19Oy, nasa,
32:20ay, andito pala kayo.
32:23Ayan.
32:23So, tend to.
32:25I feel like for me, keep it private.
32:27Because I keep on telling myself,
32:29ever since I got out of a relationship,
32:32before kasi super PDA talaga ako.
32:34To the point na medyo na-offend ko na yung ibang tao sa paligid,
32:37parang gano'n.
32:38So I wanna try naman in my next relationship,
32:41to keep it private.
32:42But knowing myself,
32:43I'm so loud eh.
32:44So, I'm an extrovert also,
32:46so I don't know,
32:47baka mag-eagle na lang ako,
32:48halika na lang ako.
32:49Joke.
32:50But yeah, I think I wanna try to be private.
32:53Oh, yeah.
32:53Try.
32:54Oh, do you wanna invite for the events?
32:56Yeah.
32:56We are inviting singles who are open to love,
33:01and would like to expand their network,
33:03to join Singles Events Manila.
33:05We have events almost every week.
33:07And the intention of that get together,
33:10is to go out of your house,
33:13and meet people in flesh.
33:14Yes.
33:15See them for who they are.
33:18Swipe in real life.
33:19Swipe in real life.
33:21And either you wanna find love,
33:23or find new friends,
33:26you can join Singles Events Manila.
33:27Is it free coach, for the first time?
33:29For first timers,
33:31just tell us that you've watched our Cosmo interview,
33:34and you get to join our events, free.
33:39Alright, and your social media?
33:41My social media,
33:42you can follow me everywhere,
33:45TikTok, Facebook, Instagram,
33:47at Dani Buenvenida,
33:49D-A-N-I-B-U-E-N-V-E-N-I-D-A.
33:51Or you can also follow my Instagram,
33:54LindianwithDani,
33:55and I also have a podcast.
33:56Yes.
33:57LindianwithDani,
33:58search that up in Spotify and YouTube.
34:01Okay, perfect.
34:02For me, it's VanessaAntonio.com.
34:05You can download my free ebook there,
34:07or follow me on social media,
34:09that's DatingCoachV,
34:11DatingCoachV on Instagram.
34:13That's it for today's episode of Cosmo Convos with Ida.
34:16What do you wanna talk about next?
34:18Share them in the comments below.
34:20Bye!