Trump addressed a joint session of Congress, he got quite an intro from the Sergeant at Arms, many of Donald’s closest allies were in attendance, he laid out his agenda for the next four years, Elon was in the house tonight in his official capacity as America’s highest-ranking DOGEbag, a new poll from CNN said 52% of Americans do not approve of the way Trump is handling his job as President, the Dow dropped 1300 points in two days, Trump touted that he has made English the official language of the United States, Democrat Al Greene of Texas got thrown out, there was a second Democratic rebuttal in Spanish from a representative who’s from right here in The Golden State, Justin Trudeau of Canada spoke about America’s new tariffs, SHAQ provided our favorite moment from a parade in New Orleans, and Trump celebrates Women’s History Month.
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00:00Hello Americans, I'm Jimmy, I'm the host of, thank you for watching, thank you for joining
00:06us here at our headquarters in Hollywood, where a lot of the country watched a very
00:10special episode of The White POTUS tonight.
00:13It was a night of pomposity and circumstance as Donald Trump addressed a joint session
00:19of Congress, because you know, he rarely gets to be on TV, so why not.
00:23And anytime this maniac speaks, it is a joint session.
00:27It's a joint session, it's an edible session, it's a raid the medicine cabinet for anything
00:32to dull the pain kind of night, and tonight was no exception.
00:35His speech started late, and I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac
00:39to dry on his face, but the reviews are in, and guess what, he did great, according to
00:44Fox News anyway, mostly English-sounding words semi-coherently strung together without any
00:50visible on-air defecation, a masterpiece.
00:54Sean Hannity really has a way with words, but this is the fifth time Trump has addressed
00:58Congress, and he got quite an introduction from the sergeant at arms.
01:06Mr. Speaker, members of Congress, please welcome Diaper Donny, Man Boom Mussolini, Captain
01:14Bonesfurs, Mar-a-Lardo, the notorious P.I.G., General Von Schitzenpanz, Putin's boy pocket,
01:23his flatulency, the President of the United States, Donald Jelly Belly Trump.
01:36Members of the Trump family were there, Eric was there, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even
01:42Melania showed up, so the Democrats weren't the only people who hate him there.
01:47Trump went into the speech tonight with a negative approval rating, which is rare for
01:51a new president.
01:52According to a new poll from CNN, 52% of Americans do not approve of the way Trump is handling
01:58his job as president.
02:00The other 48% responded in Russian, so we don't know exactly what they thought.
02:05It is kind of, I don't know if you saw this, but kind of a funny poll.
02:1090% of Democrats disapprove of Trump, 90% of Republicans approve.
02:15First of all, who are these crazy 10% of Democrats who approve of what he's doing, and who are
02:21these crazy 90% of Republicans who approve of what he's doing?
02:25And why is this happening to us again?
02:27It's like we remarried an ex-husband, and now we're like, oh right, he cheats and steals
02:31and farts and snores all the time.
02:34Many of the president's closest allies were at the address tonight, and you could feel
02:39their enthusiasm as he entered the room.
02:51Wait a minute, I didn't know Jesus did that too, in the name of the Father, the me, and
03:13the Holy Spirit I guess.
03:14And then, I'm sorry to announce, Trump spoke.
03:17He laid out his MAG agenda for the next four years.
03:20They include wildly unpopular tariffs, abandoning our allies, budding up to Russia, tax cuts
03:26for the rich, and turning Gaza into Atlantic City.
03:29All the reasons blue collar America voted for this man.
03:32Trump said our momentum is back, our spirit is back, our pride is back.
03:37And not the gay kind either, the regular pride.
03:40What he's talking about, I have no idea.
03:42The stock market's down, consumer confidence is down, the dollar is down.
03:47The only things that are high are egg prices and Elon Musk.
03:51Look at, there's Elon, looking for people to cut loose.
03:55It would be really funny if he fired Trump just one day.
03:58Elon was in the house tonight in his official capacity as America's highest ranking dogebag,
04:04and these guys are, they're doing some job.
04:06I don't know how he gives an address like this with a straight face.
04:08The Dow dropped 1,300 points over the last two days, a dozen eggs cost more than a haircut,
04:14planes are falling out of the sky, Canada's booing our national anthem, Trump just waddles
04:19up to the podium to announce that America is great again.
04:21He did it.
04:22It was a ridiculous speech.
04:23He talked about a guy hitting a woman in the face with a volleyball, he bragged about his
04:28five million dollar immigrant gold card, he said he's put an end to transgender mice,
04:34he told our farmers to have a lot of fun, and said the days of unelected bureaucrats
04:39are over, with Elon standing right there, clapping like an imbecile.
04:44Yay for unelected bureaucrats.
04:46Trump touted many of his executive orders, including an order he issued on Saturday that
04:51makes English the official language of the United States.
04:55Finally, we can speak English again in this country.
04:59And this, I have to say, this makes sense because say what you will about Donald Trump,
05:03the man has a masterful way with the language.
05:06The state of California passed an outrageous law declaring their whole state to be a stank
05:11shingler.
05:12In the failing New York Times, by anonymous, really anonymous.
05:20More Americans could receive heart, lung, and liver transplants.
05:24When they gaze upon Yosemites, Yosemites, the men and women who selflessly enlist.
05:34I hope they now go and take a look at the oranges, the oranges of the...
05:38They sacrifice every day for the furniture, to put defensive missions through that beautiful
05:48Orion space capsule.
05:50Ha, wah, wah, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
05:54Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.
05:56Hoorah, mega.
05:57God bless the United States.
06:00The United States.
06:04Now, you know what, it ain't easy to speak with that much
06:11honey mustard in your mouth.
06:12The big question going into this, at least on cable news,
06:14was whether the Democrats were going to do anything
06:17to disrupt the proceedings.
06:19They did.
06:19Some of them wore pink clothes, which was pretty wild.
06:22But some Democrats were yelling at Trump to the point
06:25where a very unhappy Keebler elf bobblehead doll jumped out
06:30of his booster seat to throw Texas Congressman Al Green out
06:34of the house.
06:37Mr. Green, take your seat.
06:39Take your seat, sir.
06:41Take your seat.
06:45Finding that members continue to engage
06:47in willful and concerted disruption of proper decorum,
06:50the chair now directs the sergeant at arms
06:52to restore order, remove this gentleman from the chamber.
06:57Oh, man, little Mike Johnson is going
07:03to be standing up very proud tonight when he gets home.
07:06Remove this gentleman from the chamber,
07:08and bring me my pouch of nuts.
07:11Trump did reach across the aisle to whine
07:14that no matter how much good he does for Democrats,
07:17it's never good enough.
07:19And once again, I look at the Democrats in front of me,
07:22and I realize there is absolutely nothing
07:25I can say to make them happy, or to make them stand,
07:29or smile, or applaud.
07:30Nothing I can do.
07:32You can quit.
07:33You can go back to Mar-a-Lago and shove your head
07:44down that gold toilet for a few months.
07:45We'd like that.
07:46Maybe you'll find those secret documents you flush.
07:48We also heard from the Prime Minister of Canada today.
07:51Trump sent our economy into free fall today,
07:54and theirs too, by implementing a 25% tariff on imports
07:58from Canada and Mexico, tariffs that
08:00are very likely to raise the cost of our food,
08:03and could raise the price of a new car
08:05by an average of $12,000, which actually is a calculated move.
08:09Because if you can't afford a car,
08:11can't complain about the price of gas.
08:13Smart.
08:14It's that 4D chess he's always playing.
08:16Most experts say Trump is shooting himself
08:19in the foot with these tariffs, which would be bad.
08:21You know, he already has those bone spurs that
08:23kept him out of Vietnam.
08:25If he'd fought in Vietnam, there never
08:27would have been a war in Vietnam.
08:28But these tariffs, I don't even believe he's
08:30going to follow through on them.
08:31I think he's going to pretend he got something in return
08:34and magically lift them.
08:36Canada today hit back with a 25% tariff of their own,
08:40and an unusually spicy statement from outgoing Prime
08:43Minister Justin Trudeau.
08:45So today, the United States launched
08:48a trade war against Canada.
08:51Their closest partner and ally, their closest friend.
08:55At the same time, they're talking
08:57about working positively with Russia,
09:00appeasing Vladimir Putin, a lying, murderous dictator.
09:06Make that make sense.
09:09Making sense isn't really our thing anymore.
09:11We can't do that.
09:12Nowadays, we're more into making in our pants.
09:15I want to speak first directly to the American people.
09:21We don't want this.
09:23We don't want it either.
09:26All this time, we thought if it got real bad,
09:28we could escape to you.
09:29Now that's OOTU.
09:31What the hell are we going to do?
09:33Meanwhile, it's Fat Tuesday in New Orleans, not just in DC,
09:37and there is a big party going on.
09:39People are so drunk down there, some of them
09:42are at risk of being appointed Secretary of Defense right now.
09:47This is my.
09:50I like when the drummer's, you know, Jonathan's like this.
09:53Yeah.
09:56This is my favorite part of the Bacchus Parade.
09:58This is a celebrity monarch, Shaquille O'Neal, who,
10:02now, Shaquille O'Neal, this is a man who knows how to have fun.
10:06I begin to pass out, and my head hit the wall.
10:10Boom.
10:11Well, I'm on the ground.
10:14Let's look at that again.
10:15He throws this on the right.
10:17I begin to pass out.
10:18To the crowd.
10:19And my head hit the wall.
10:21And right on the kid.
10:25All of a sudden, he can hit free throws.
10:28Tomorrow, you know, tomorrow's Ash Wednesday.
10:33We need a President Shaquille O'Neal, right?
10:36We need something.
10:40After Trump spoke, it was time for the rebuttal.
10:43You know, they do this from the opposition party.
10:45They had a senator from Michigan give the rebuttal,
10:48but then there was a second rebuttal, in Spanish,
10:51from a representative from right here in the Golden State.
10:54Oh.
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11:44Oh.
11:45Oh.
11:46Gracias.
11:47Gracias to you, Guillermo.
11:49Yeah, I love it, Guillermo.
11:50I'm always making things clear.
11:53You know, March, we're in March.
11:55March is Women's History Month.
11:57This is a special month between black history
12:03and women's history.
12:04It's only a matter of time before Trump eliminates
12:06the months of February and March altogether for being too broad.
12:09But despite his reservations about anyone who isn't him,
12:13our Commander-in-Chief did take time
12:15between bites of fried chicken today
12:17to mark the occasion by celebrating
12:19one of the most important women in American history.
12:25Rosa Parks, what a lady.
12:28She stood up, she sat down, she did the whole hokey pokey,
12:32and she did it on a bus.
12:34Bus.
12:35It's like a limo, but for pores.
12:38And she wouldn't go to the back.
12:40She wouldn't go to the back.
12:41Because she knew that if the bus drove below 55 miles an hour,
12:45it would explode.
12:46Rosa.
12:47I call her Rosa.
12:49What a beautiful name.
12:50Went on to do many things.
12:51Activism, civil rights, probably.
12:54Many say best of all, she came in third
12:56on Celebrity Apprentice Season 5.
12:59Sinbad cleaned her clock.
13:00Wasn't even close.
13:02But she was fantastic.
13:03And I know right now she's up in heaven,
13:05riding that great big bus in the sky
13:08with her best friend Jesus, who is white.
13:11So white.
13:12Keep it up, Rosa.
13:14Rosa Parks.
13:15Wakanda forever.
13:17Happy Women's History Month to all my women out there,
13:21especially the nines and tens.
13:23Love ya.
13:25Oh my god, I can't believe it.
13:26We have 20 million subscribers on YouTube.
13:29Unbelievable.
13:30I only wish we got paid for this.
13:32If you haven't subscribed yet, what are you waiting for?
13:34Help us get to 50 million, please.
13:36It's an emergency.