How I'm Coping & Seeing Our Baby For the First Time

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Well... It’s been an emotional rollercoaster so far… Pregnancy after miscarriage comes with so many emotions, excitement, anxiety and fear all at once. We want to keep this journey as raw and unedited as possible, sharing our true feelings in the hope we can help others who might be going through something similar.  In this video, we open up about how we’re coping with pregnancy after loss, the fears that come with it, and the overwhelming moment of seeing our baby for the first time at our first ultrasound scan. This experience has been incredibly emotional, and we know many of you can relate. ❤️  Subscribe and follow our Journey: https://www.youtube.com/c/connorandliana?sub_confirmation=1  Follow us on: Snapchat: connorandliana Instagram: @Liana_Jadee, @ConnorDarlington  👻 connorandliana 📸 @Liana_Jadee, @ConnorDarlington 💼 Work with us: connorandliana@connectmgt.com  Thank you for being part of our story. ❤️

Transcript

00:00Good afternoon, I am a wreck. I am trying to hold myself together currently. I am

00:06due my period in six days and I don't know what it is. So first thing this

00:11morning I just felt a little bit different. I'm not having cramps but I

00:16don't know if anyone remembers me saying but like near my belly button I've got

00:20this, I can't even show you, but I have like this space here that sometimes, I always

00:27found it like when I was ovulating I'd get some pain there and when we were

00:31past ovulation obviously since the miscarriage we have been trying again. I

00:37think this is our third attempt or the third month after, after it was safe to

00:43try again. So obviously I waited for my first period and then we tried after

00:49that. So it's not three months since the miscarriage, it's three months since we

00:52started trying. So we've tried for, I think this is the third cycle that we've

00:57tried. So I don't know what came over me but this morning basically I just, I

01:03don't know, I felt a little bit different. I kind of had that pain in the spot where

01:07I said it's not necessarily cramping but I get this kind of like tight, I suppose

01:12cramping is probably the only way to explain it but it's not cramping at the

01:16same time. I'm also peeing a lot more than normal I guess and I'm ravenous

01:23which is a symptom I had obviously with the last pregnancy. I am unfortunately,

01:30it's not a good thing, one of those people that if I forget to eat I don't

01:34remember because I don't, I don't usually get hunger pains but when I'm pregnant

01:38my body's like sort yourself out, go and eat like because you're nurturing

01:42something. So I don't know I just had this weird inkling this morning that I

01:45just needed to test. So I have, you know like everyone says, is that a COVID test?

01:50So I have the COVID test type pregnancy tests and I tried one of them and it was

01:57a straight negative, right, and that's just your bog-standard cheap kind of

02:02just stick tests. Then I went downstairs and I just thought to myself, do we have

02:08a clear blue upstairs? So I went to go and have a look, I went through the drawer

02:11and I found them and I thought I had like a six day early detection because

02:15obviously I'm six days to my to my period so I wanted to try that and

02:20realised I didn't have the six day one. And I went through this kind of like

02:25battling with myself of it's too early to test so I put them back down and I

02:29went downstairs and I was scrolling on TikTok and I saw someone taking a test,

02:32I actually do because my phone's probably listening to me, so I thought like what's

02:39the worst that can happen? I've ordered some early detection tests to come for

02:42tomorrow and I just went upstairs, I needed a wee anyway, and I thought like

02:46it's not gonna do me any harm. So I took the test, it's literally here with me

02:52right now. I keep, like it's been sat a while and it just hasn't changed at all.

02:57I sent it to my friend, I was like, oh my wig hair's in the way of the camera, I

03:02sent it to my friend, I was like, am I going crazy? Do you see that? And she says

03:06that she can see it and I'm trying not to cry again because I'm doing my makeup

03:10because we're going to the office today to like start setting up the podcast

03:15bits and bobs. I still, I don't know what that means, I don't know if that's, does

03:21that count as a negative? I definitely, I swear I see a second line. We're not going

03:26to the office until a little bit later on but when we do go there I think

03:30there's a shop nearby so I'm gonna run in and get some digital tests which are

03:35probably gonna tell me it's negative and then I am gonna be an absolute emotional

03:39wreck but I'm scared, I'm very nervous. Sorry, I really need to concentrate when

03:45I do my eyeliner and I keep like going to do it and then realising I can't talk

03:48and do my eyeliner at the same time. I'm just, I'm scared for it to be positive

03:52because I just feel like this pregnancy, if we're blessed to become pregnant

03:58again, I feel like it is gonna be filled with a lot of anxiety, a lot of toilet

04:03checking, a lot of just hoping that the same thing doesn't happen again but yeah

04:10right now feeling a lot of uncertainty.

04:16Good morning, it is the 14th of December which means I am four weeks, pardon baby,

04:25you're not supposed to touch the elf, which it means I am four weeks, one day

04:32pregnant today. Yesterday I experienced a little bit of spotting, it was the

04:39tiniest bit of a very light pink kind of substance when I wiped, I've had nothing

04:46since. I did have a panic attack. My heart sank when I saw that but I am around the

04:55time I should have had my period. I think my period's supposed to start either

05:00today or tomorrow according to the app and they say that some people can

05:05experience implantation bleeding which happens about 14 days after ovulation

05:09and yesterday would have been exactly 14 days so I'm keeping everything crossed

05:15that is what it is. I've had nothing since because obviously stress is

05:20not good. Cosy and I are by ourselves today and daddy's gone out with his

05:25friends so it's just it's a mummy and cosy day. Yeah I'm just trying to stay

05:32positive, it's very difficult like I'm just anxious all the time. I just want to

05:38be happy and healthy and not stressed and just stay positive. I'm gonna email

05:44the midwives that I saw last time, just let them know, hi I've had a positive

05:49pregnancy test and then possibly ask them if they'll check my progesterone

05:54because I don't know if you saw this was on a video that I had on my channel

05:57but basically I did a finger prick test this was when Cosy was tiny because I

06:03had I just had a feeling that something's out of balance and so I did

06:07like a finger prick test that tested my hormones, my thyroid, don't know how

06:12accurate I think one is but I couldn't get seen by the doctor and it came back

06:15saying that I had I think it was like borderline low progesterone. I've logged

06:21back onto my account and magically these results have disappeared

06:24apparently I don't have an active test or active test results so I can't even

06:28like go back to it and have a look exactly what it said it said something

06:31about that I need more rest time during exercise and stuff so there's that but

06:37also I didn't know and your phone bloody listens to you doesn't it and then after

06:40I had my miscarriage on my last one I started getting videos on TikTok that

06:46was like low progesterone could be causing a miscarriage so now it's just

06:50in my head could that have been the reason and I think that's something I

06:55just want to push to be checked this time around so yeah keeping everything

06:59crossed I'm gonna push for that and just hopefully I can make it to that 12

07:05that 12-week scan and see a happy healthy baby but yeah I feel like this

07:13this whole pregnancy this this time around now it's just gonna be slightly

07:17more difficult mentally than than the previous the previous well with

07:24cursing anyway yeah good morning it is the 28th of December

07:31which makes me officially six weeks and one day pregnant which does mean I am

07:40officially less than three weeks to the point where I lost the last pregnancy I

07:51feel like at this point I've just not registered that it's real I feel like

08:01the less I think about it the like if I go to that 12-week scan and like

08:10the same thing has happened I'm kind of setting myself up for like less

08:17heartbreak I suppose one thing I will say is this time around I am and

08:23obviously every single pregnancy is different but this time around I am

08:27experiencing very different symptoms to the last one with the last pregnancy I

08:33was ravenous I was like hungry all the time this one I feel slightly more sick

08:40I've been experiencing some car sickness I have also got off the smell of my

08:47coffee which I did with cozy it was so bad with cozy that I couldn't drink my

08:53coffee and I have a coffee every single day so I started having caffeine

08:56withdrawals so that did not go well and I just I think I slept like most of the

09:03days and it was really really bad until I could stomach my coffee again but even

09:08then yesterday I was making cozy's eggs and I was just gagging because I could

09:15not deal with the smell which really annoys me because obviously I know how

09:19good eggs are for me and I would like to eat eggs but the thought of that makes

09:26me really feel sick so symptom wise I'm feeling feeling positive obviously I'm

09:35not gonna complain because it is a good sign so far I'm weeing a lot but I just

09:43think until I get that 12-week scan I'm not gonna go for an early scan I'm not

09:48gonna do that to myself again I'm just gonna wait for that 12-week scan and

09:54pray to God that everything is okay yeah that is where we are

10:04good morning it is January the 18th I think which makes me nine weeks and one

10:13day today obviously hopefully one day further than than last time I'm still

10:22feeling all the symptoms and I am officially booked in for my first

10:26midwife appointment I don't actually remember like every time I talk when the

10:31weeks go by for my breath I don't remember exactly what I've said I think

10:36I mentioned about the whole progesterone thing basically when I spoke to the

10:41midwives the first time they told me I had to reach out to Tommy's which is a

10:44like a baby loss charity and I spoke to them and she basically told me

10:49progesterone supplements aren't proven to do anything and will not help me so

10:55to just to just carry on as I am I obviously don't have symptoms of low

11:01progesterone either and I couldn't find my test results so just fingers crossed

11:06everything's fine there and I have my first appointment for the midwives on

11:11Tuesday which hopefully means it's not going to be too long before well I say

11:18too like it's a 12-week appointment so we've got just under three weeks now

11:22until hopefully we will have a yeah let's go

11:28it is Saturday the 25th of January which officially makes me ten weeks and one

11:37day pregnant today I'm feeling good this morning which is concerning me from week

11:45six to week ten my nausea has just like progressively got worse and it's kind of

11:51like an all-day nausea I have not been like physically at all it's just been

11:55like a queasy feeling like almost like going would make me feel better but it

12:02probably wouldn't at the same time but I feel good this morning which like I say

12:06like I don't like feeling like I don't feel like feeling bad but I don't like

12:10feeling good because it scares me but I'm still still peeing lots it's only

12:15like early morning so I'm not gonna be too concerned at the fact that I haven't

12:19got much nausea yet starting to get a little something that's obviously just a

12:28little morning after I've eaten like at the end of the day it looks it looks

12:33massive I almost look halfway from like when I was with Cozy because at ten

12:37weeks I didn't show at all there was nothing with Cozy I'm still I'm still

12:43peeing lots which is a good sign headaches on and off the occasional

12:48migraine not not the migraine that hurts your head you know like the

12:52migraine that kind of like takes your vision I tend to get them I think it's

12:56because I've got a stigmatism and I always know when they're coming on

12:59because I'm like am I having a panic attack or is my eyesight going funny I

13:02get them occasionally before pregnancy but nothing nothing as frequent as that

13:06I went to my midwife appointment on Wednesday I think it was when no Tuesday

13:13I went on Tuesday she took my blood did my urine and obviously they've sent off

13:17now for me to get my scan so fingers crossed I get my scan date soon

13:24obviously I assume it'll be about 12 weeks so still a couple of weeks yet

13:29until we get our scan still not gonna go private I'm just gonna wait for that

13:33scan still staying positive pray every night that I wake up for a wee I've

13:38probably said this in a previous clip but I feel like that was my first

13:42unknowing lack of symptom and I remember telling Connor like I didn't

13:47wake up for a wee last night so every night I go to bed now I just really hope

13:52that I wake up in the night to go to the toilet and it's just a big relief when I

13:56do fluffy thoughts as my sister says fluffy thoughts

14:00good morning it is Thursday the 13th of February which makes me 13 weeks

14:07tomorrow we are currently sat in the scan car park we set off really early

14:12because we thought there was gonna be traffic so actually yeah 30 minutes

14:15early it is it really is but I don't think we've ever had a scan this early

14:21in the morning it's usually like what three four o'clock we usually get scans

14:23I've also never had a scan this far along in pregnancy I've usually always

14:28had it like bang on I'm on 12 weeks it was last time wasn't it probably around

14:32there yeah I'm breathing very heavy I'm very very nervous I decided not to put

14:37any makeup on because I feel like regardless I'm gonna blubber like a fish

14:42like regardless of it's an emotional time really isn't it yeah what's on that

14:48screen and last time I was here they took my notes off me so it feels weird

14:52to have these again I kind of feel like have you ever been on a school trip yeah

14:59I've been like really excited but also really nervous at the same time yeah

15:03that's how I feel yeah because it's a nice it's a nice day but because of the

15:09experiences you've been through it's also yeah yeah I just feel a little bit

15:14shaky I feel like everything inside of me feels a bit loose

15:19we're only building up positive energy though well yeah my sister said fluffy

15:24thoughts symptoms wise everything is still going strong much much different

15:30to obviously the pregnancy that we that we lost yeah I'm still peeing every

15:35single night I'm having vivid dreams every single night we were saying that

15:38like all these symptoms are really bad and obviously sucks for most women when

15:41they've got like the morning sickness and everything like it's the best thing

15:44as well because it's like maybe everything's okay yeah yeah and what

15:50else oh I got went off my coffee which I didn't in the last pregnancy I haven't

15:55been able to drink coffee at all I've had a tea in the morning just to make

15:58sure I don't get like a caffeine crash and then I gag over everything as well

16:04so just lots of symptoms that I didn't have last time I'm showing which I

16:09didn't last time not really you're showing much more now yeah so we're

16:15feeling positive I think but yeah wish us luck okay so we're going in now we

16:24can't film it so we'll pretty much just catch up with you when we're back in the

16:27car so yeah we'll see you in a bit

16:33it was amazing wasn't it she was so great as well like as soon as she was

16:41she was a trainee as well she was great but the other lady as soon as we told

16:46her about the last experience like it was just cha-cha-cha-cha yeah as soon as

16:50she saw the baby she was like there's a heartbeat yeah yeah so I'm so excited

17:01massive head just like my Cosman and you can see the nose that's the first thing

17:07we noticed in cozy scan if you remember you were like I hope he's got your nose

17:11with cozy weren't you so let's go and show cozy oh my gosh oh my gosh think

17:22about obviously kids aren't allowed into the hospital scans only into private

17:27scans so um I didn't even think about that he didn't get to see baby on the

17:31telly which he calls it let's go show goes right I've got something to show

17:38you okay ready

17:50so do you remember where mommy went today mommy and daddy where did we go to

17:57go and see the picture for you I like it you do it's a picture of the baby

18:12mama's tummy yeah look so we've got oh there's his nose or her sorry we don't

18:28actually know too early to know there's the nose and then the eyes would be

18:34there somewhere in the mouth and you know what the baby was doing on the

18:38telly going but the next one we go to do you want to come and watch the baby

18:48on the telly yeah yeah and do you want a brother or

18:52sister you want a brother boy or girl okay where is that baby yeah but where

19:01is it in my what's in your tummy

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