Wife Like - Full Exclusive Action Thriller Movie - Hollywood English Movie HD - Christina Moses
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00What the?
00:00:02Hey!
00:00:04Hey!
00:00:06Hey!
00:00:08Ow!
00:00:10Ow!
00:00:12Ow!
00:00:14Ow!
00:00:16Ow!
00:00:18Ow!
00:00:20Ow!
00:00:22Ow!
00:00:24Ow!
00:00:26Ow!
00:00:28Ow!
00:00:30Ow!
00:00:32Ow!
00:00:34Ow!
00:00:36Ow!
00:00:38Ow!
00:00:40Ow!
00:00:42Open the trunk!
00:00:44It's locked, unlock it!
00:00:46What are you talking about?
00:00:48Come on, come on!
00:00:50Shit, I left the keys in the car!
00:00:52You left the keys in the car?
00:00:54I didn't mean to!
00:00:56That works, we're counting next time!
00:00:58It's unlocked!
00:01:00On three, never mind.
00:01:10In sports, the Blue Jays and the Yankees
00:01:12meet tonight at the Los Angeles American League
00:01:14to win a race.
00:01:16Hello?
00:01:18No, she's not here yet.
00:01:20You told her I'm wearing a green striped shirt, right?
00:01:22It's my favorite shirt.
00:01:24It's greenish?
00:01:26No.
00:01:28What? No, I have nowhere else to go.
00:01:30Dan, no, not again.
00:01:32No, no, no, no, no.
00:01:34You know there's no chance of that happening.
00:01:36I have no, I wouldn't even know how to order it.
00:01:38What does neat even mean?
00:01:40No.
00:01:42Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan.
00:01:44Hello?
00:01:54Oh.
00:02:08Ted?
00:02:10Marie?
00:02:12Yes.
00:02:14Sorry.
00:02:16Yeah, thank you.
00:02:18Ow.
00:02:20You alright?
00:02:22How are you?
00:02:24I'm fine. You?
00:02:26Yeah.
00:02:28You look great. You look really good.
00:02:30Thank you. You...
00:02:32Okay.
00:02:34How is your drive over here?
00:02:36My drive is fine.
00:02:38I live close by, so...
00:02:40Oh, what's your address?
00:02:42I mean, how do you know Dan?
00:02:44Your brother? I don't, actually.
00:02:46He dated a girl.
00:02:48Who?
00:02:50Do you know her?
00:02:52Apparently not.
00:02:54What is that supposed to mean?
00:02:56Uh, it means what I said it means, no.
00:02:58Kind of seems personal.
00:03:00It's, I don't know. It's none of your business.
00:03:02What is your problem?
00:03:04I don't have a problem. You have a problem.
00:03:06No, I don't. You're being rude.
00:03:08Good evening. My name is Rebecca.
00:03:12Can I start you off with something to drink?
00:03:14I'll have a Pilsner, please.
00:03:16Okay, great. And for you, sir?
00:03:18Neat? Yeah, neat. Or whatever you recommend that's neat.
00:03:20Vodka? Sure.
00:03:22Great. Can you add a bourbon
00:03:24to that, please? Yes, absolutely.
00:03:28I felt like that meant something, but I'm not...
00:03:30Yeah, I just want to put it out there that I'm not really looking
00:03:32for anything serious. Just a friend,
00:03:34if that, even. I, uh,
00:03:36got out of something recently.
00:03:38Didn't end well. Tell me about it.
00:03:40No, I'd rather not. No, that's not what I meant.
00:03:42I'm relieved that you... You're relieved that I got
00:03:44out of something that didn't end well?
00:03:46Not the way you're mad at.
00:03:48Bourbon and vodka.
00:03:50Thank you. Yeah.
00:03:54Drink that fast.
00:04:04Ah! Jesus! No!
00:04:06Uh-uh! Whoa!
00:04:08Whoa! Oh, shh! That is so terrible.
00:04:10What's going on? Shh!
00:04:12What is wrong with you? I don't know what to order.
00:04:14I've never had a drink before. Okay, okay, okay.
00:04:16Just drink that. Get the taste out of it.
00:04:18Thank you. It smells pretty good.
00:04:20Ah!
00:04:22I'm so sorry. Fuck!
00:04:24That's terrible. What the fuck? That tastes like throw-up.
00:04:26I thought beer was supposed to be refreshing.
00:04:28It's not refreshing. You still look nice, I promise.
00:04:30Oh, my God. Is everything okay
00:04:32over here? A little spill, but other than that,
00:04:34we're all good, I think.
00:04:36Can I have a fucking napkin? Yes.
00:04:38I'll probably get that one out of here. I don't want that
00:04:40anymore. And I'll take another one,
00:04:42please. Excuse you? No, he will not have another drink.
00:04:44Excuse you? You're ordering for me now?
00:04:46She gave me the friend speech 30 seconds ago. Okay, one, you just put beer
00:04:48all over my goddamn face, and two, you realize
00:04:50we don't know each other, right? Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:04:52Yeah. You know, I'm gonna take the check.
00:04:54Yes. Thank you.
00:04:56Why did you
00:04:58even drink all of it?
00:05:00There's no ice in it. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
00:05:02No. Here you go.
00:05:04Don't worry about it. Thank you.
00:05:06It's on the house. Really?
00:05:08She gave me more this time. Stop.
00:05:10You're right,
00:05:12I may have a drinking problem.
00:05:14You're an idiot.
00:05:16That's fair.
00:05:18So I'm gonna go. Wait.
00:05:20Good night. Where are you going? Good night.
00:05:22Um...
00:05:24Wait. What?
00:05:26Can I get a ride? No.
00:05:28You don't have a car?
00:05:30Or a license. Whatever.
00:05:40Hey.
00:05:46Hey, it's Ellie. Leave a message.
00:05:48Yeah, Ellie, you're gonna have to tell me
00:05:50what the fuck I did to you. I mean, my first night
00:05:52out, and you set me up with the most
00:05:54I don't know, rude, nervous,
00:05:56dysfunctional friggin' boy scout I have
00:05:58ever met. You know what? All I wanted to do was get
00:06:00fuckin' pounded tonight. That's it.
00:06:02Was that so hard to ask?
00:06:04I'm just gonna go
00:06:06slow it up downtown.
00:06:08Okay.
00:06:38Fuck.
00:06:40Ted.
00:06:44Yeah? Get in.
00:06:46Seriously? Yeah, hurry up
00:06:48before I remember what happened.
00:07:02So...
00:07:04where am I taking you?
00:07:06Well, I'm not allowed to go to my brother's
00:07:08tonight, so I'm not going to my dad's.
00:07:10Are you four years old?
00:07:12I'm just taking you to my brother's place. There's a treehouse there.
00:07:14Got a nice little ladder and blanket.
00:07:16Where? Oh, it's in Watercress.
00:07:18On the east side. Other side of town.
00:07:20Awesome. Hey, listen, I'm sorry
00:07:22about dinner and the drive,
00:07:24but, uh,
00:07:26if it's worth noting,
00:07:28um, I feel pretty good.
00:07:30You're not gonna be
00:07:32saying that tomorrow morning.
00:07:34Probably not. Whether it's due to the neat vodka
00:07:36or what just happened is the real question.
00:07:38Should you be driving, actually?
00:07:40You can just say vodka. You don't have to say neat.
00:07:42It's just how you order it if you don't want ice.
00:07:44Oh.
00:07:46So for future reference, if I didn't want to
00:07:48order something that tastes like a neat vodka,
00:07:50I mean a vodka, or like that drink, then what would I order?
00:07:52Dry vermouth is good.
00:07:54Dry vermouth. Sounds refreshing.
00:07:56So...
00:07:58that was your first time drinking? Yeah.
00:08:00How?
00:08:02My ex, mainly.
00:08:04Um, yeah.
00:08:06Was she gonna let you drink?
00:08:08No. No, we started dating in the fourth grade
00:08:10and decided to give our life to the
00:08:12big guy upstairs, so
00:08:14he doesn't really like drinking too much.
00:08:16But at least that explains your personality.
00:08:18So how long
00:08:20were you guys together? Sixteen years,
00:08:22five months, two weeks, a couple days,
00:08:24and give or take a few hours.
00:08:28So have you ever been
00:08:30with a...
00:08:34Are you a...
00:08:40No.
00:08:42She's not.
00:08:44She slept with somebody?
00:08:46A few somebodies, to be specific.
00:08:48Sorry.
00:08:52So you live with your brother?
00:08:54Yeah.
00:08:56He kinda owes me, but it's fine.
00:08:58Oh, cause he slept with her too?
00:09:00I'm tired.
00:09:02Yeah, well, alcohol will have that effect.
00:09:06I'm trying to remember the first time I ever got drunk.
00:09:10I think it was the sixth grade.
00:09:12Wow.
00:09:18Ted?
00:09:20Ted, wake up!
00:09:22You have to tell me how to get to your brother's house.
00:09:28Ted!
00:09:34Are you fucking kidding me?
00:09:58Evening, ma'am.
00:10:00Officer?
00:10:02I'm Ron, I'm with the DEA.
00:10:04Hey, Ron.
00:10:06Shut the fuck up.
00:10:12Is there something wrong, officer?
00:10:14This car fits a description,
00:10:16so we'll see.
00:10:18Any car matches a description.
00:10:20Do you want me to make you deep throat
00:10:22that stick shift?
00:10:24No.
00:10:26Do you want me to make you deep throat
00:10:28that stick shift?
00:10:32I'm gonna need to see your driver's license.
00:10:34Are you gonna tell your dog-fucking-Mormon-idiot
00:10:36boyfriend to get the registration
00:10:38out of the glove box?
00:10:40Oh, I'm not her boyfriend.
00:10:44I will literally beat you to death with your own hand
00:10:46if you speak again.
00:10:56I'll be right back.
00:10:58What the fuck?
00:11:14So look,
00:11:16don't call me again unless the words
00:11:18yes and $50,000
00:11:20are coming out of your stupid fucking mouth.
00:11:26Dispatch,
00:11:28I need you to run some information for me.
00:11:30Go for dispatch.
00:11:32Female
00:11:34named Marie Walker.
00:11:36And that's
00:11:38Marie with an M.
00:11:46Yes,
00:11:48that's Marie with an M.
00:11:50And Walker with a W?
00:11:52Yes, ma'am.
00:11:54That is a Walker
00:11:56with a W.
00:11:58Much like the word walk
00:12:00also starts with a W.
00:12:02One moment.
00:12:14Marie Walker.
00:12:16Two moving violations.
00:12:18Outstanding warrant.
00:12:20Outstanding warrant.
00:12:28Oh, how cute.
00:12:30Is he a light sleeper?
00:12:32I don't, I don't know.
00:12:34I'm gonna need you to step out of the vehicle,
00:12:36ma'am. For what? No, that's
00:12:38that's not necessary.
00:12:40I, I didn't do
00:12:42anything. Get out of the car now.
00:12:44Come on.
00:12:48Come on, man.
00:12:54I don't see why this is necessary.
00:12:56You haven't even told me why you're pulling me over.
00:12:58Put your hands against the car.
00:13:00Is that really necessary?
00:13:02Do you have any weapons
00:13:04on you? No.
00:13:06I do.
00:13:08Remember that.
00:13:10Hey, stop it.
00:13:12Stop.
00:13:14Okay, hey, hey, stop, stop.
00:13:16Ted!
00:13:22Do not
00:13:26call for him again.
00:13:30Understand me?
00:13:36Remember,
00:13:38I know where your parents live,
00:13:40Harry Walker.
00:13:44So why don't we start doing things the way I say?
00:13:54Good.
00:14:10Hey!
00:14:30Holy fucking shit!
00:14:32What the fuck just happened?
00:14:34How did the fuck, I took it,
00:14:36how did it happen?
00:14:38How did it happen?
00:14:40Holy fuck!
00:14:42Is he dead? How?
00:14:44I don't know, yeah.
00:14:46Is he dead? Fuck!
00:14:48We should do CPR.
00:14:50CPR does not work
00:14:52if someone just got shot in the head.
00:14:54We're gonna go to prison. We can't go
00:14:56to prison, okay? Just,
00:14:58okay, public road.
00:15:00We need to get his body out of here.
00:15:02Help me drag his body to the car.
00:15:04To the car? Yes.
00:15:06We need to call the police.
00:15:08We are not gonna call the police. Yes, we are.
00:15:10No. Okay, when they get here,
00:15:12what do you suppose that we're gonna tell them?
00:15:14The truth. That is not gonna work.
00:15:16You spit all over me,
00:15:18so I smell like a brewery, and you are clearly
00:15:20drunk. No, it'll work.
00:15:22Okay, so tell me. Go on.
00:15:24So we were driving, and then we were
00:15:26coming back from a date, we had a couple drinks.
00:15:28Oh, so we were driving drunk. Continue.
00:15:30But then he removed you from the car.
00:15:32I was sleeping, so I didn't see it, and then I heard you scream,
00:15:34so he forced himself on you, that's why you're screaming,
00:15:36so I snuck around, and then I punched him.
00:15:38Assaulting an officer? Go on.
00:15:40Then he fell back, and he was gonna shoot us.
00:15:42He was gonna shoot us, so we fumbled his gun in the air,
00:15:44and we both just happened to grab it at the same
00:15:46time and accidentally shoot him in the face.
00:15:52I'll get his legs.
00:15:54Wait.
00:15:56We have to move his car.
00:15:58Move his car, and then see if there's
00:16:00something that we can wrap his body in.
00:16:02Just look.
00:16:04Move his car off the road, obviously, yeah?
00:16:08Okay, one of my fingerprints.
00:16:10Move the car. Where are the keys?
00:16:12I'm gonna throw up.
00:16:14Okay.
00:16:16That's a dead body. I just killed it.
00:16:18Just call the police. What are you doing?
00:16:20Call the police. Call the police. Call the police.
00:16:22Call the police. Call the police. Call the police.
00:16:32Call the police.
00:16:42What are you doing?
00:16:44Can you hurry up?
00:16:46Jesus fucking Christ.
00:16:48Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I was...
00:16:50Sorry.
00:17:022-3-8. Are you there?
00:17:04I'll send an additional unit.
00:17:082-3-8.
00:17:102-3-8. Last call.
00:17:12Are you code 4?
00:17:14No. 2-3-8 is code 7.
00:17:16Code 7?
00:17:18No.
00:17:20Code 4...
00:17:225...
00:17:244...
00:17:26Did you say code 5
00:17:28or code 4?
00:17:324?
00:17:34Good night, 2-3-8.
00:17:40Good night.
00:18:02Okay, so what now?
00:18:04Now we get rid of the body.
00:18:06We get rid of the body?
00:18:08Yeah. Get rid of the body,
00:18:10and then just never see each other
00:18:12or speak about this ever again.
00:18:14So how do you want to get rid of the body?
00:18:16I don't know. Bury it or something.
00:18:18No.
00:18:20What are you talking about?
00:18:22We can't bury it.
00:18:26Ted,
00:18:28listen to me.
00:18:30A lot has happened in the last 10 minutes,
00:18:32but I need you to just listen.
00:18:38What I'm asking you to do
00:18:40is not okay for anyone to ask
00:18:42of anyone,
00:18:44but that guy grabbed me
00:18:46and
00:18:48put his hands on me
00:18:50and violated me and tried...
00:18:54And if you hadn't
00:18:56come back...
00:18:58So...
00:19:06I would not have guessed this earlier,
00:19:08no offense, but...
00:19:10you're really brave.
00:19:14No, just...
00:19:16Hold on a second.
00:19:18I'm telling you,
00:19:20what happened back there looks like
00:19:22we attacked and killed a police officer,
00:19:24and no one is going to believe our story.
00:19:26And I did
00:19:28something crazy a while back
00:19:30that almost cost me everything,
00:19:32and I cannot, I will not spend my life
00:19:34in prison. And in papers, being a cop
00:19:36killer and making that
00:19:38disgusting human being look like a victim.
00:19:42And then my parents seeing...
00:19:44So if you
00:19:46need to call the cops or...
00:19:50go right now, I understand.
00:19:52I owe you
00:19:54that much at least.
00:20:00But if not, I can really
00:20:02use the help.
00:20:12I don't think I can.
00:20:18Right.
00:20:24Yeah.
00:20:28Unless you have a shovel in that purse.
00:20:34Did you just crack a joke?
00:20:36Yeah, I did. I don't know.
00:20:38It's unlike me, I know, but I'm still drunk,
00:20:40I think, so...
00:20:44What?
00:20:46We should probably burn the car too, though, right?
00:20:48Better safe than sorry, that's what they do.
00:20:50Pardon?
00:20:58The wipe's in there. Start wiping yourself off.
00:21:00And I need to get clean too.
00:21:04What are you doing? No! Hand me a wipe.
00:21:06Jesus.
00:21:08Okay, we need a shovel.
00:21:10It's 11 o'clock. What hardware store is open after 11 o'clock?
00:21:127-Eleven.
00:21:14A hardware store.
00:21:16It's kind of half-way.
00:21:18Okay, Tony's General Store is our best bet,
00:21:20and I think they have clothes too.
00:21:22We need air freshener, hand sanitizer,
00:21:24rope, shovel, duct tape,
00:21:26and bleach.
00:21:28It's like you've done this before.
00:21:44So by general store, did you mean gas station?
00:21:46Okay, well, it says general store on the outside.
00:21:50It says Speedy's Car Wash and Gas Station.
00:21:52It doesn't even say Tony's.
00:21:54Okay, well, last time I drove by, it said Tony's.
00:21:56How is this important right now?
00:21:58It can be. Let's find out.
00:22:00Okay.
00:22:02Excuse me, sir?
00:22:04Yeah?
00:22:06Do you sell any shovels?
00:22:08Uh, yeah, it's him, the tool man, Taylor.
00:22:10This is motherfucking Home Depot, so go down aisle nine
00:22:12and take a right and go fuck yourself.
00:22:14Do you sell clothes?
00:22:16Yeah, because this is Ross.
00:22:18Dress for less.
00:22:20Okay, thank you.
00:22:30Okay.
00:22:32Um, put that on.
00:22:34Put that over.
00:22:44Okay.
00:23:14Sorry.
00:23:24That'll be $39.47.
00:23:26Oh, I got it.
00:23:28Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:23:30Did you hit that, too?
00:23:32Hit what?
00:23:34Not again.
00:23:36There's a picture of Ellie right in his wallet.
00:23:38I mean, you've heard of Ellie, right?
00:23:40She's kind of like the town bicycle.
00:23:42Damn, this guy knows what I'm talking about.
00:23:44Why do you have a picture of Ellie in your wallet?
00:23:46I don't. It's just, it's a...
00:23:48Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you Ted, the virgin boyfriend?
00:23:50No, I'm not.
00:23:52Didn't she just get engaged to your dad?
00:23:54What?
00:23:56You ready? Thank you.
00:23:58Ted.
00:24:00Yeah, later, Ted.
00:24:02Ellie is your ex? Why didn't you tell me?
00:24:04I don't want to talk about it.
00:24:06She's engaged to your dad?
00:24:08Yes, okay? I've been dating her since I was a kid,
00:24:10and I don't want to ruin our relationship.
00:24:12I don't get it. Why would she set me up with you?
00:24:14Can we just move on?
00:24:16Ted, we don't need to...
00:24:18Talk? Why would we talk about this, huh?
00:24:20This is all just a perfect explanation of my personality, right?
00:24:22Fine.
00:24:26Did you even lock the car?
00:24:28No.
00:24:30You think that's a good idea with a dead body inside?
00:24:32Not like he's going anywhere.
00:24:40Okay.
00:24:50Hurry up. We're trespassing.
00:24:52I honestly can't remember how many crimes we've committed tonight, so why not?
00:25:00Shh.
00:25:02Sorry.
00:25:04Sorry. A couple just came down to the dock.
00:25:06You could have just told me that. I would have ducked.
00:25:08Get here. We'll wait him out.
00:25:10Ow! Sorry.
00:25:20Well,
00:25:22I mean, it's raining, so I can't imagine them staying for too long.
00:25:24Unless there's a night so much it can do.
00:25:26Before what?
00:25:32Hey, look, I'm
00:25:34sorry about before,
00:25:36the whole Ellie thing.
00:25:38Um, I'm
00:25:40not always the most sensitive
00:25:42type.
00:25:46So, what happened,
00:25:48if you don't mind?
00:25:50It's pretty basic, actually.
00:25:52I just came home and
00:25:54found my dad proposing my girlfriend.
00:25:56Proposing?
00:25:58Yeah.
00:26:00She said yes.
00:26:02Ow.
00:26:04I mean, I always knew that she was this
00:26:06promiscuous,
00:26:08but, I mean,
00:26:10damn, that whole
00:26:12situation is just... I know.
00:26:16Yeah.
00:26:18How did you react?
00:26:22Pretty calmly, actually.
00:26:24Um, they just kind of sat me down on the couch
00:26:26and told me everything,
00:26:28how it started.
00:26:30Their first date, the moment they fell in love,
00:26:32their favorite dance.
00:26:34Wow, that is so fucked up.
00:26:36Gets better. My brother texted me
00:26:38right afterwards, like, I heard what
00:26:40happened and I did her, too.
00:26:42LOL. LOL.
00:26:44To be honest with you, I didn't know what it meant, so I just assumed
00:26:46it was apologetic. No, it's
00:26:48not.
00:26:50That blows my mind.
00:26:52And then?
00:26:54Then I moped around for a little bit
00:26:56and then went on a date with you.
00:26:58Here I am.
00:27:02So you
00:27:04really didn't know she was cheating on you?
00:27:06I mean, I did and I didn't,
00:27:08you know.
00:27:10You don't want to know, you know, when the
00:27:12truth essentially collapses
00:27:14your entire world and everything you stand
00:27:16for, you tend to avoid it at all costs.
00:27:18So, by that
00:27:20point, I just invested
00:27:22way too much.
00:27:26So how do you know her?
00:27:28I mean,
00:27:30I don't. Not really.
00:27:32I mean, we played softball as kids and
00:27:34I run into her every now and then
00:27:36and maybe get a drink or something, but
00:27:38I mean, why would she
00:27:40set me up with you? Oh, my brother said
00:27:42that I had to be out of the house the whole night, so I'm guessing
00:27:44that it had something to do with that.
00:27:46That's gross.
00:27:48How about you?
00:27:50You said you just got out of a relationship.
00:27:52Oh, I lied.
00:27:54I just wanted to leave.
00:27:56Yeah.
00:27:58Have you had better luck
00:28:00before me? I mean, what's your story?
00:28:02I mean, I've had the occasional
00:28:04random encounters with guys
00:28:06on vacations, no lie.
00:28:10But I did have a serious
00:28:12boyfriend for about two years.
00:28:14He just wasn't that serious.
00:28:16Oh, he cheated on you too?
00:28:18No. He just couldn't take anything
00:28:20seriously. But it's not
00:28:22his fault, though. He's kind of an idiot.
00:28:24I mean, the lowest IQ
00:28:26ever.
00:28:28But to his credit, he's actually really successful.
00:28:30How? He has such a low IQ.
00:28:32He's a DJ.
00:28:34Oh.
00:28:36Makes sense.
00:28:38So you ended it?
00:28:40Yeah.
00:28:42I did about six months ago.
00:28:44He's such a try-hard.
00:28:46Ugh.
00:28:48Huh.
00:28:50I don't know.
00:28:52Was this the mistake you mentioned earlier?
00:28:54Who, him? Oh, no.
00:28:56No, that was a, uh,
00:28:58legal problem.
00:29:00I got a DUI
00:29:02and accidentally hit
00:29:04a dog.
00:29:06In the canine unit.
00:29:08So this isn't the first time you've killed a cop.
00:29:10No.
00:29:12Technically.
00:29:14Anyway, I was put on
00:29:16probation and then I broke up with him.
00:29:20Have you dated anyone since?
00:29:22No.
00:29:24Uh, I find
00:29:26the caliber of
00:29:28available men to get worse the older
00:29:30you get.
00:29:32But I'm not worried.
00:29:34Love laughs
00:29:36at locksmiths.
00:29:40What does that mean?
00:29:44Ask him.
00:29:52Okay.
00:30:16Just wake up.
00:30:18How long have you been sleeping?
00:30:20I don't know.
00:30:22Um.
00:30:24I'll get Ron.
00:30:46Just throw him in?
00:30:48What?
00:30:50Don't kids play here?
00:30:52The current will take it.
00:30:54It's a lake. There is no current.
00:30:56Just push it in.
00:30:58What happens after this?
00:31:00Then I take you home and we forget this night ever happened.
00:31:02Just to be clear for our story.
00:31:04We went on a date a day at work,
00:31:06so we took you home.
00:31:08I think it's best that we just cut all ties
00:31:10related to this night.
00:31:12Yeah, of course.
00:31:14Yeah.
00:31:16Great.
00:31:20That's not my ringtone.
00:31:24Hello?
00:31:26We have your money.
00:31:28We'll see you at dawn.
00:31:30What money? Who is this?
00:31:32You're seriously doing this right now?
00:31:34You call me. I'm gonna hang up now.
00:31:36If you hang up on a Renault show, somebody will die.
00:31:38Die? Excuse me?
00:31:40This is a stupid game and I'm not in the mood.
00:31:42You have a vial of MDTMA
00:31:44worth $200,000
00:31:46that you agreed to sell us.
00:31:48You shake us down for an extra
00:31:50$50,000 self-titled dirty cop fee.
00:31:52And now you're plain dumb.
00:31:54I'm not a dirty cop.
00:31:56OMG, shut the fuck up.
00:31:58Show at 5 a.m. or we'll kill your family.
00:32:00Kill my family?
00:32:02How long have you been doing this? Seriously?
00:32:04Tomorrow is our first face-to-face
00:32:06and I'm guessing you have a pretty dumb
00:32:08fucking face.
00:32:10I've never done this before.
00:32:12Lock and peek at dawn or else
00:32:14your family has my permission.
00:32:16They're dead. I got it.
00:32:18If you were me, where would you put
00:32:20Dikembe?
00:32:22IDK.
00:32:24Probably in my ass.
00:32:26T2IL.
00:32:28Who was that?
00:32:30I think it was Bane.
00:32:32Bane? We have a problem.
00:32:34If we don't get them some drugs
00:32:36called Dikembe by dawn,
00:32:38they're gonna kill Ron's family.
00:32:40Yeah, it is.
00:32:42What if they kill Ron's family? We caused that.
00:32:44And what if we get caught
00:32:46and they kill our families?
00:32:48Damn it.
00:32:50How is this guy still bucking over our lives
00:32:52even after he's dead?
00:32:54Okay, where are the drugs?
00:33:10Fuck.
00:33:32I'm probably gonna regret this.
00:33:34Oh, hey, what's up, Marie?
00:33:36Hey, Bane, what's up? How you doing? He's with me.
00:33:38I'm with him.
00:33:40Never mind.
00:34:08Oh!
00:34:28Oh!
00:34:30Try hard!
00:34:38Get back in that bar and wait for me.
00:34:40Don't drink anything, don't touch anything.
00:34:42Be right back, okay?
00:34:56Well, well, well, well.
00:34:58If it isn't Little Marie.
00:35:00Come crawling back for more.
00:35:02I'm not crawling back, you asshole.
00:35:04I need a favor.
00:35:06I want to see the difference in that.
00:35:08Well, I don't need you. I need your expertise.
00:35:10Let's pick a subject.
00:35:12Music, love, Syria,
00:35:14tantric sex.
00:35:16You're actually not an expert in any of those things.
00:35:18Prove it.
00:35:20Okay, where's Syria?
00:35:22Exactly. So I know a guy
00:35:24and he came into something and
00:35:26he's willing to cut you in.
00:35:28Wait a minute, you know a guy?
00:35:30Yeah.
00:35:32What kind of guy?
00:35:34He's a dealer.
00:35:36You're dating another fucking dealer?
00:35:40Are you in or are you out?
00:35:42Alright.
00:35:44I'll play your little game.
00:35:46I'm in.
00:35:48Where is this fucking joker?
00:35:50Driver Mooth. Neat, please.
00:35:52Okay, look.
00:35:54He's agreed to meet with us. The dude knows more about street drugs than Charlie Sheen.
00:35:56You're a drug dealer.
00:35:58I told him you're a drug dealer so just
00:36:00play along, alright?
00:36:02He's kind of into himself. A little bit.
00:36:04Not a big deal. Whatever.
00:36:06We'll be fine. Let's go.
00:36:08What? Come on!
00:36:10Alright guys, I need the room. Get the fuck out.
00:36:28I'm DJ motherfucking Eddie
00:36:30Eddie better. I can club it so hard
00:36:32I can make a fur hat out of it.
00:36:38Who the fuck are you?
00:36:40Ted?
00:36:42Franco. Ted Franco?
00:36:44What, you a soft core porn
00:36:46artist in Mexico?
00:36:48Is that a bong?
00:36:50No, this is my Peruvian mate
00:36:52gold. I had to switch over because
00:36:54that energy drink was really fucking with
00:36:56my Feng Shui.
00:37:00So,
00:37:02what you on about?
00:37:04Drugs?
00:37:06Drugs? Are you a fucking
00:37:08Mormon? No, I was Catholic.
00:37:10That's all the same shit anyway.
00:37:12The Catholics, you know, I used to hang
00:37:14out down around St. Augustine's.
00:37:16Those Catholic bitches are freaky.
00:37:18They used to stick to anal
00:37:20to preserve their virginity.
00:37:22Quite a loophole if you
00:37:24ask me. You get it?
00:37:26A loophole. The balloon knot.
00:37:28The rusty cheerio. We get it, Eddie.
00:37:30I don't. Fuck it.
00:37:32Drinks all around. Eddie, we don't have time.
00:37:34Oh, everybody's got time for me, baby.
00:37:36Besides, my minions will wait
00:37:38for me. Always.
00:37:40Do you know that you two
00:37:42make a very fucking funny looking couple?
00:37:44I've not expected you to take so
00:37:46many steps down after me.
00:37:48How long you guys been doing it?
00:37:50Doing what? Six months.
00:37:52Six months, eh?
00:37:54Well, it's a long time, but
00:37:56I suppose I'd had that for six months.
00:37:58Everything withers and dies eventually.
00:38:00Cheers.
00:38:04Take your communion, Catholic boy.
00:38:06Slow, slow.
00:38:10So,
00:38:12what kind of drugs
00:38:14are you dealing?
00:38:18Oh, strong ones.
00:38:20The, you know,
00:38:22tough drugs.
00:38:24Yeah, right. Crystal
00:38:26and
00:38:28glass, boom, pow, maybe black tar.
00:38:30No.
00:38:32No, no, that's weak.
00:38:34We only mess, take.
00:38:36We need to know what Dikembe is.
00:38:38Dikembe?
00:38:40No.
00:38:42You're not talking about Dimtemba?
00:38:44Yeah, that one.
00:38:46Oh, you're fucking stupid.
00:38:48You can't get your hands on that if you tried.
00:38:50Nope. I got a place.
00:38:52Mate, I hope you're not
00:38:54fucking around with me right now,
00:38:56because that would be very fucking impolite.
00:38:58Don't even respond to that. He's probably never even
00:39:00done it before.
00:39:02Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Of course I've tried it.
00:39:04Dimtemba, for you people that
00:39:06clearly do not know, is DMT and DMA.
00:39:08It was created by the
00:39:10government to treat PTSD.
00:39:12And the most potent hallucinogenic
00:39:14and pathogenic combine into one.
00:39:16It is like soul splooge,
00:39:18like Gabriel the archangel
00:39:20personally jerking off into his own face.
00:39:22You are breaststroking through
00:39:24God's great wet vagina,
00:39:26hearing choruses of angels screaming
00:39:28your name in ecstasy.
00:39:30You can't possibly imagine what it's like
00:39:32to fuck on that.
00:39:34We got it. It's uber-super-powered Molly.
00:39:36Oh, it's so far beyond that, sweetheart.
00:39:38Whoa.
00:39:40You can get that stuff?
00:39:42You little fucking cunt.
00:39:44You just said you could. We can't.
00:39:46No, totally. I mean, I was just surprised, you know,
00:39:48because remember he said the government's secret.
00:39:50It's a government secret that never gets out, you know,
00:39:52but we got it. You got it. We got it.
00:39:54It's a fucking conspiracy.
00:39:56Just imagine if the public had their hands on this.
00:39:58The pursuit of happiness available
00:40:00right on your couch. Why even go on?
00:40:02Are you okay?
00:40:04Me?
00:40:06Yeah, fine. You? You?
00:40:08God.
00:40:10He's a funny fucking person.
00:40:12We had a rough night, this one.
00:40:14That was even before we shot the cop.
00:40:16Ted, shut up.
00:40:18Yeah, no, that's how we got the drugs.
00:40:20Dealer by chance, eh?
00:40:22Mm-hmm.
00:40:24Oh, should I not have told him that?
00:40:26No, he's cool. He's cool. He's my best friend.
00:40:28There are no friends here.
00:40:30No.
00:40:32I'm gonna make this nice and easy for you, Ted.
00:40:34You give me what you got,
00:40:36I'm gonna fucking kick your ass
00:40:38and have my bouncers hold you down when I do it.
00:40:40Relax, Eddie.
00:40:42Come on, Teddy boy.
00:40:44You don't want any trouble, do you?
00:40:46Everybody's so mean tonight. I mean, those guys on the phones,
00:40:48they're gonna kill our families, you know?
00:40:50Why is everyone being such a jerk?
00:40:52What guy on the phone?
00:40:54This guy, Bane Voice.
00:40:56Bane Voice? You have fucking Bane shit?
00:40:58Yep.
00:41:00What the fuck? Do not fuck with those guys.
00:41:02They're the middlemen of the cartel.
00:41:04They're like the Walmart general managers
00:41:06of the entire Southwest region.
00:41:08Hold on a second. You said you had the drugs?
00:41:10Yeah, we do.
00:41:12You said you had the drugs,
00:41:14and now Bane wants to kill you?
00:41:16Yeah.
00:41:18You killed Ron? Ron fucking Johnston?
00:41:20Yeah, he's in the trunk.
00:41:22He's in the fucking trunk? You brought him here?
00:41:24Yeah. You fucking stupid!
00:41:26Look, we didn't know where else to go.
00:41:28Can you just chill out and help us out?
00:41:30I really fucknate those guys.
00:41:32Me too.
00:41:34I really do.
00:41:36They stole business from me.
00:41:38And one time I was like 15 minutes late to a deal
00:41:40with a man's dog.
00:41:42Who kills a man's dog?
00:41:48Oh, there he is.
00:41:50So where did you meet Ted anyway?
00:41:52He's a sweetheart. Just deg, please.
00:41:54Oh, look at that. He shaves. How polite.
00:41:56You know, a little manscaping goes a long way,
00:41:58doesn't it, Marie? You remember.
00:42:00Right, big chin in.
00:42:02Oh, God. Bringing back memories, this.
00:42:04You know, I did this once.
00:42:06Girl named Ellie. You know her.
00:42:08Freaked that one.
00:42:10Illegal things we did that night.
00:42:12You know, I really should have been wearing gloves then, too.
00:42:14Wasn't, though.
00:42:16Contracted some sort of skin rash. Terrible.
00:42:18Oh, very healthy prostate.
00:42:20Right.
00:42:22I think I got something.
00:42:24One more.
00:42:26Oh, God.
00:42:28There we go.
00:42:30All right.
00:42:32Found it?
00:42:34We gotta go. Let's go.
00:42:36Just to make sure it's real.
00:42:38Idiots.
00:42:40Just a little taste.
00:42:42What the fuck is Ted?
00:43:00Stay.
00:43:02Quite the little rolling stone, isn't he?
00:43:04I can't believe you gave him E.
00:43:06I didn't. I gave him Molly.
00:43:08The power confidence booster.
00:43:10Dance activated, of course.
00:43:12Oddly, as mad as I am, I think it actually works out.
00:43:14So what's your plan, Marie?
00:43:16You can't just roll up there as you guys.
00:43:18Why not?
00:43:20What do you suggest we do?
00:43:24I got ideas.
00:43:28That leather feels great.
00:43:30Look at all that. It fits.
00:43:32It's even got inside pockets.
00:43:34Wait, no, that's my sleeve.
00:43:36Hilarious mix-up.
00:43:38Okay, so there's a couple things that I need to tell you.
00:43:40First,
00:43:42you are no longer Ted. You are Ron.
00:43:44Done.
00:43:46And you're gonna have to do this deal alone.
00:43:48They can't see me. They think they're doing this deal with Ron.
00:43:50If someone else shows up, they're just gonna kill whoever that is and take the drugs.
00:43:52So you're gonna have to convince them that you're Ron.
00:43:54Yeah, no problem. Easy.
00:43:56You are taking this really well.
00:43:58It's gonna be really fun.
00:44:00First check.
00:44:02And it actually looks like you know what you're doing.
00:44:04Yeah, it's literally the only thing my dad taught me.
00:44:06It's also the only thing he told me I was good at.
00:44:08God, that moment was so sweet.
00:44:10I don't even remember what your dad's name is.
00:44:12What's your dad's name?
00:44:14Man, you are a Rolling Stone.
00:44:16Damn, Molly's one hell of a drug.
00:44:18Who's Molly? Great band.
00:44:20Molly, the drug.
00:44:22Eddie gave it to you at the club.
00:44:24Don't you feel weird and good right now?
00:44:26I do feel good.
00:44:28You do feel good.
00:44:30And weird.
00:44:32I'm on drugs right now.
00:44:34Oh my god, he gave me drugs.
00:44:36It's so not right.
00:44:38Calm down.
00:44:40I feel so scared.
00:44:42Don't feel scared.
00:44:44You're so cold.
00:44:46Am I gonna die?
00:44:48No, Ted, you are not gonna die.
00:44:50You promise? You swear?
00:44:52I trust you. You know that, right?
00:44:54I trust you.
00:44:56Okay, look.
00:44:58You know, you're probably really scared right now.
00:45:00Nah, not really.
00:45:02Okay, well you should be because apparently these people are very dangerous.
00:45:04So am I.
00:45:06Ted.
00:45:08I need you to get a grip.
00:45:10Look, I need you to promise me.
00:45:12Promise me
00:45:14that you're not gonna say
00:45:16or do anything that's gonna upset them.
00:45:18Okay? Yeah.
00:45:20Okay, just give me these
00:45:22and get back into the car.
00:45:24Have you washed that?
00:45:26Of course.
00:45:28Take it!
00:45:30Can you do this?
00:45:32Do what?
00:45:34Yeah!
00:45:36What are you gonna do?
00:45:38I'm gonna be here in the back seat.
00:45:40I'm gonna be in the back seat of this car
00:45:42laying down.
00:45:44Get the fuck in the car.
00:45:46Okay.
00:45:52Wrong way.
00:46:16Mom!
00:46:18Mom!
00:46:46Crap, they have masks.
00:46:48I forgot a mask. Do you have one?
00:46:50No.
00:46:52Ted. What?
00:46:54Please be careful.
00:47:04Officer on.
00:47:06Here, DEA.
00:47:08Forgot my mask.
00:47:10Are you seeing this?
00:47:12Is that him?
00:47:14Oh, shit, Dino.
00:47:16I'm gonna die.
00:47:18Ted?
00:47:22Wait, no, it's Ron.
00:47:24Wait, what? How'd you know that?
00:47:26Okay, everybody
00:47:28calm down.
00:47:30Hey, Teddy.
00:47:32It's me.
00:47:34Put your gun down.
00:47:36Dad? What are you doing here?
00:47:38I wanna ask you the same question.
00:47:40We all know you're not DEA.
00:47:42Go ahead, guys, take them off.
00:47:48Dan?
00:47:50Cousin Dick?
00:47:52Hey, Ted, what's up, player?
00:47:54We've shown you who we are.
00:47:56I'm sure you can figure out what we're doing here.
00:47:58Now, what the fuck are you doing here?
00:48:00You guys are the most feared crime thing in town.
00:48:02How is this possible?
00:48:04It's been the family business for a while now, Ted.
00:48:06I thought you were a chemistry teacher.
00:48:08I'm that, too?
00:48:10Well, even I know how unoriginal that is.
00:48:12I'm aware.
00:48:14Put your gun down now.
00:48:16Dan hasn't put his gun down yet. Why should I?
00:48:18Stop being a baby, Tedward.
00:48:20Don't call me that.
00:48:22Fine, jackass.
00:48:24Dan, shut up. Put your gun down.
00:48:26No, no, keep it up. It's fine.
00:48:28We all know you can't shoot straight anyway.
00:48:30That competition was like ten years ago, man.
00:48:32Dad, line up some targets right now.
00:48:34We'll try this again.
00:48:36Will both of you please just shut up?
00:48:38Which begs the question, why?
00:48:40Now, whatever the fuck you've done to fuck things up,
00:48:42we can fix it, okay?
00:48:44Dad, what could he have possibly have done?
00:48:46Dude's a pussy. He doesn't even say fuck.
00:48:48You can't even read.
00:48:50Yes, I can. I'm getting so much better.
00:48:52Where is Ron, Ted?
00:48:56Ron's dead.
00:48:58I killed him, and I took his drugs.
00:49:00You don't even know what the hell you're looking for.
00:49:02I don't, do I?
00:49:04What's this look like?
00:49:06You need M.D.A.? Worth $200,000, right?
00:49:08How the hell did you get your hands on that?
00:49:10So, wait.
00:49:12This is why you guys wanted me out of the house tonight, huh?
00:49:14Ted?
00:49:16Just give us the tube.
00:49:18We can all go and talk about this
00:49:20back at my place this afternoon.
00:49:22Plus, I'm pretty sure we need to
00:49:24keep your ass away from the police.
00:49:26You may need to get the fuck out of town.
00:49:28Back to your place? You're in Ellie's place.
00:49:30Oh, Ted.
00:49:32Don't tell me you're still hung up on that.
00:49:34It was last Tuesday.
00:49:36All right, this is the last thing I'm going to say,
00:49:38and then we're going to end this little charade
00:49:40and go and get some flapjacks, okay?
00:49:42Okay.
00:49:44Love
00:49:46just happens.
00:49:48Ellie and I have been in love for the last few years.
00:49:50Your brother
00:49:52took over for a couple of months, but then we were back.
00:49:54Now, I know that you were technically dating her
00:49:56at the time, but you're going to have to forgive
00:49:58eventually.
00:50:00She's going to be your stepmother,
00:50:02and then we can all start getting along.
00:50:04Look, I know it hurts.
00:50:06I do.
00:50:08Well, I haven't been there myself, really,
00:50:10but I get it.
00:50:12But you're going to have to get over it, though.
00:50:14I was waiting to break this news till later,
00:50:16but I feel a smile is needed now
00:50:18from everybody.
00:50:20So, guys,
00:50:22Ellie and I are having a baby.
00:50:24She's going to be your stepmother.
00:50:36Damn!
00:50:38You motherfucker.
00:50:42Don't look at me. Shoot him.
00:50:44Holy fuck.
00:50:46Drive! Drive!
00:50:54Go! Go!
00:51:00Go! Go!
00:51:02Go!
00:51:04Go!
00:51:06Go!
00:51:08Go!
00:51:10Go!
00:51:12Go!
00:51:14Go!
00:51:40Did you just shoot your father in the leg?
00:51:44I think so, yeah.
00:51:46What were you thinking?
00:51:48He's having a kid with Ellie.
00:51:50Yeah, but now we have your crazy-ass killer family
00:51:52chasing us, and we still have a dead body in the car.
00:51:54You were supposed to give him the drugs,
00:51:56and then we were done with this.
00:51:58It being your family should have been an advantage
00:52:00until you shot them.
00:52:02Yeah, but they're terrible people.
00:52:04Ted.
00:52:06Sorry. Sorry. I thought you were going to be proud of me.
00:52:08Well, I guess you misread me, didn't you?
00:52:10Apparently, I did.
00:52:12Hello?
00:52:14Where the fuck do you think you're going?
00:52:16Dan, I don't need the voicing anymore.
00:52:18I know it's you.
00:52:20Where the fuck do you think you're going?
00:52:22And why would I tell you that?
00:52:24Well, you better think fast.
00:52:28We need to hide out somewhere. Now.
00:52:42Your bag, ma'am?
00:52:46Yep.
00:52:48This one's heavy.
00:52:50What do you guys got in there?
00:52:52A dead body?
00:52:54That's so weird.
00:53:00Hi.
00:53:02We need a room, please.
00:53:04Okay, yeah, for sure.
00:53:06Let me see what we have.
00:53:08Okay.
00:53:10Okay, yeah, for sure.
00:53:12Let me see what we have for this evening.
00:53:14Just gonna be for the two of you.
00:53:16Looks like we have one room for tonight,
00:53:18and that's gonna be $900.
00:53:20Nine...
00:53:22Hundred.
00:53:24Okay, that's...
00:53:26Look, I have $100 cash.
00:53:28Can you just take that?
00:53:30I'm sorry. It's gonna be $900.
00:53:32If no one is using the room,
00:53:34I don't see what the big deal is.
00:53:36Just me. Only need it for a couple of hours.
00:53:38The first time, I was asking for a favor,
00:53:40you know, like, human-to-human,
00:53:42helping people out.
00:53:44It's kind of like a town bicycle.
00:53:46Everyone gets a ride.
00:53:48Gonna make Ellie break that wall.
00:53:56That's the best you can do.
00:53:58If you don't give us a room for $100,
00:54:00I'm gonna tell your wife about Ellie.
00:54:08How'd you know he hooked up with Ellie?
00:54:10I didn't.
00:54:18You know, I can't help but think
00:54:20if we called the police in the beginning,
00:54:22like I said, none of this would have ever happened.
00:54:24What?
00:54:26I'm saying none of this is my fault.
00:54:28You've made every decision so far.
00:54:30I can't deal with this right now.
00:54:32I'm gonna wash my face.
00:54:38What do you want?
00:54:40I know exactly what I want, you fucking moron.
00:54:42Just hand it over, and we'll let her live.
00:54:44Marie has nothing to do with this.
00:54:46You do not touch her.
00:54:48She's seen us, all right?
00:54:50You're gonna do exactly what I say, clear?
00:54:52I'm never gonna see you again, Dan.
00:54:54Apparently, this is worth enough to live off for a while,
00:54:56and I think I even know a buyer.
00:54:58All right.
00:55:00I'll see you later.
00:55:02Bye.
00:55:04Bye.
00:55:06Hi.
00:55:18You okay?
00:55:22How could I have not known?
00:55:24Well, you're not that observant.
00:55:26No offense.
00:55:32Look, I'm sorry
00:55:34about what I said earlier.
00:55:38We have to work together
00:55:40because if we start arguing,
00:55:42we're fucked.
00:55:44We can't keep doing this,
00:55:46though.
00:55:48I mean, what do we do next, go to Mexico?
00:55:50We'll probably want it there, too.
00:55:52Ted...
00:55:54We're not bad people, Marie.
00:55:56We shouldn't be making decisions like this.
00:56:00Maybe...
00:56:02You're right. We go to the police.
00:56:06Tedward, open up!
00:56:14Ted, open the door!
00:56:28I need my keys.
00:56:30Hurry the fuck up.
00:56:36Where'd I put them?
00:56:3834B.
00:56:40Jacob!
00:56:46Open the trunk.
00:56:48It's locked. Unlocked.
00:56:50What are you talking about?
00:56:52Come on, come on, come on.
00:56:54Shit, I left the keys in the car.
00:56:56You left the keys in the car?
00:56:58Go throw them in.
00:57:00Fine. Go.
00:57:02That worked. We're counting next time.
00:57:04It's unlocked.
00:57:06On three. Never mind. Whatever.
00:57:16Hey, Ted, I'm Agent Hughes
00:57:18for the FBI. You've had quite a night, haven't you?
00:57:20Agent Hughes, you need to listen to me, okay?
00:57:22I didn't mean to kill Ron. It was an accident.
00:57:24I promise. And long story short,
00:57:26I'm sorry.
00:57:28Well, Ted,
00:57:30that was the most unconvincing argument
00:57:32I've ever heard. My ten-year-old daughter
00:57:34can put words together better than you.
00:57:36Okay, well, first of all,
00:57:38you need to know Marie has nothing
00:57:40to do with this, okay? Absolutely nothing.
00:57:42I made her help me. No, you didn't.
00:57:44It was the other way around, right?
00:57:46Okay, well, first of all...
00:57:48Holy fucking shit!
00:57:50What the fuck just happened?
00:57:52How did the fuck...
00:57:54We should do CPR!
00:57:56CPR does not work!
00:57:58Someone just got shot in the head!
00:58:00We're gonna go to prison! We can't go to prison, okay?
00:58:02I get it.
00:58:06We put a mic on Ron's car
00:58:08about a week ago. The FBI
00:58:10knows he's dirty and is the intermediary
00:58:12between the border and what
00:58:14you've helped us to discover.
00:58:16Your family.
00:58:18How funny is that, huh?
00:58:24Ah!
00:58:26How funny is that?
00:58:34Actually,
00:58:36it's not funny at all, Ted.
00:58:38How you are alive right now blows my fucking mind.
00:58:40Why is that?
00:58:42Not only do you have the most
00:58:44dangerous importer of illegal narcotics
00:58:46after you, as well as his friends
00:58:48in the DEA, but you've managed
00:58:50to shoot leaders in both factions.
00:58:52And holy shit, look at you.
00:58:54So, how did we get here?
00:58:56Start from the beginning,
00:58:58and don't lie.
00:59:00Okay, well, I came home to find my dad
00:59:02proposing to my girlfriend.
00:59:04Don't be stupid. Not that far.
00:59:06Well, I went on this blind date, and she started
00:59:08asking me all these personal questions.
00:59:10And then after that, I went to some bar,
00:59:12and I accidentally took ecstasy from some British guy,
00:59:14shot my dad, and then we went to a hotel,
00:59:16and we blackmailed him, because he also slept
00:59:18with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend.
00:59:20And here I am now.
00:59:22Well, that's... that's quite the first date.
00:59:24There's been some good moments, though.
00:59:26You know, she gets really...
00:59:28Look, I'm gonna lay it down for you
00:59:30really straight here, okay?
00:59:32You broke a numerous amount of laws.
00:59:34You should almost be impressed with yourself,
00:59:36because you've definitely come across as a little bitch.
00:59:38We've been putting a case against these guys together
00:59:40for quite some time, to no luck.
00:59:42But now...
00:59:44we have you.
00:59:46And we need you.
00:59:48Absolutely. I'll tell you whatever you want to know.
00:59:50My brother, I saw him masturbate to cartoon porn once.
00:59:52That's got to be illegal.
00:59:54And then my cousin, I think we... we think he dates animals.
00:59:56No, no, Ted. Nothing from you
00:59:58is really going to help us get them for good.
01:00:00All right?
01:00:02Nothing was exchanged when you met,
01:00:04and you've only just discovered what they do for a living.
01:00:06So, really,
01:00:08you're worthless.
01:00:10We need you to meet and wear a wire.
01:00:12We also need information
01:00:14about their people on the inside,
01:00:16as well as details about their operation.
01:00:18The moment I show up, they're going to shoot me.
01:00:20Well, Ted,
01:00:22we need to take that chance.
01:00:24What if I don't want to?
01:00:26Well, you'll go to jail.
01:00:28And although you don't have very much to lose, Marie does.
01:00:30She'll go, and I'm pretty sure your fucked-up family
01:00:32will have some kind of fun with everyone she's ever loved.
01:00:34So...
01:00:36your call, sweetheart.
01:00:38So you're asking me to help put my own family away for good?
01:00:40Yes. Your family.
01:00:42The ones that gang-banged your girlfriend in the shower.
01:00:46What do we get if we pull this off?
01:00:48To go home.
01:00:50What about Ron?
01:00:52We have people who can take care of him.
01:00:54Look, you have one minute to decide.
01:00:56And while you're doing it,
01:00:58take a look at this.
01:01:02Sorry. Not that.
01:01:04Yeah. No, that's just some skank.
01:01:06Butch and I banged in the shower last night, didn't we?
01:01:08But you locked it in. That's right, baby.
01:01:10He's an animal. You should have seen it.
01:01:12Take a look at this.
01:01:14This is Ron's family.
01:01:16They're currently missing.
01:01:18God knows what's happening to them right now.
01:01:30Okay, I'll do it.
01:01:32Great. You still have that vial?
01:01:34Yeah, it's right here.
01:01:36Perfect. Don't touch me with that fucking hand.
01:01:38Let's do this.
01:01:45Adrian Hughes?
01:01:47Yeah?
01:01:49If I die, will you tell Marie something?
01:01:51Christ, oh, Marnie.
01:01:53What? We've had a night together. We've bonded.
01:01:55I feel like she's gonna want to know.
01:01:57You just tell her yourself, all right?
01:01:59You're gonna be fine.
01:02:01Seriously? You can't even take a simple message for me?
01:02:03I'm about to get shot for you.
01:02:05Fine. Just know that I'm not happy about it.
01:02:07And also, before you touch someone's bare skin again,
01:02:09please warm up those angry, rough FBI hands of yours.
01:02:11Oh, goodness gracious.
01:02:13Something or other going on over there, haven't you?
01:02:15I'll take your message for you.
01:02:17I will send it on my virgin mobile.
01:02:19And perhaps... Oh, shit.
01:02:21I'm not gonna reach her. Know why?
01:02:23I heard she's in the Virgin Islands
01:02:25drinking a virgin strawberry daiquiri,
01:02:27reading her copy of Orlando by Virgin Wolf.
01:02:29You got that chest-shaped thing going for you.
01:02:31That's good.
01:02:33Ellie liked it.
01:02:35She doesn't like dick.
01:02:39Hi. Uh, Marie?
01:02:41Yeah. I'm Agent Lewis,
01:02:43and I'm going to be handling you today.
01:02:45Handling me?
01:02:47Well, not, like, physically handling you.
01:02:49It's more like a metaphorical sort of thing.
01:02:51It's just important to know that you're safe,
01:02:53and I'm gonna be handling you,
01:02:55and I'm going to be handling this situation.
01:02:57Oh, fuck. Not another one.
01:02:59Do you have any questions for me?
01:03:01What am I doing here?
01:03:03You and Ted were involved in quite a situation last night,
01:03:05and we know that you
01:03:07tried getting away with killing
01:03:09Officer Ron Johnston.
01:03:11True.
01:03:13But don't try to lie. Wait.
01:03:15Yeah. I did it.
01:03:17And then I forced Ted to help me.
01:03:19It's all me. I confess.
01:03:21No. Hold on a second.
01:03:23I'm, uh...
01:03:25I'm supposed to play you this first.
01:03:27Oh, yes, Agent Lewis.
01:03:29Let us reenact the karma sutra
01:03:31while I drizzle hot curry
01:03:33all over your face.
01:03:35Mom?
01:03:37We'll forget the tape.
01:03:39We don't, uh...
01:03:41We don't need to listen to the tape anymore
01:03:43because that's not
01:03:45who I am.
01:03:47Agent Lewis.
01:03:49Where's Ted?
01:03:51Ted is, uh... He's currently on the way
01:03:53to the thing.
01:03:55Agent Hughes, he told us
01:03:57to stay here together.
01:03:59Not together, but together.
01:04:01Agent Lewis.
01:04:03Yes, yes.
01:04:05Nothing to lose.
01:04:07Why's that?
01:04:09Because if you don't take me over there
01:04:11right now, I'm gonna
01:04:13climb over this table and beat the shit
01:04:15out of your mumbling ass
01:04:17in front of all your colleagues.
01:04:19Look at my face
01:04:21and see that I'm serious.
01:04:27Hey, Scott!
01:04:35Stay.
01:04:37Stay.
01:04:39Are you gonna be okay?
01:04:41No, I'm not gonna be okay.
01:04:43I'm freaking out.
01:04:45They're gonna shoot me the moment they see me.
01:04:47Just calm down, all right?
01:04:49You're wearing a bulletproof vest.
01:04:51That's comforting.
01:04:53What was it that got you through the last one?
01:04:59Oh, hello, my little falcons.
01:05:01Are you ready to fly?
01:05:03I can't believe I approved this.
01:05:05I can.
01:05:07So can I just have a little more of what you snuck in my drink last time?
01:05:09Oh, the hoppy dance powder.
01:05:11You liked it? Uh-huh.
01:05:13All right, friend.
01:05:15Give that pinky a little licksky
01:05:17and put it deep in this sweet ambrosia.
01:05:19Goodness.
01:05:21Now in the mouth.
01:05:23How long does it take?
01:05:25Oh, I'd say about a half-step
01:05:27in two-tone suntan.
01:05:29So how long?
01:05:31Why didn't you say that?
01:05:33Why didn't you understand me the first time?
01:05:35Jesus Christ.
01:05:37Hey, so, this is gonna be fun?
01:05:39Who's got my 80 bucks?
01:05:41You're fucking kidding me.
01:05:43She's tough, though.
01:05:45I mean, on one hand, she wants me to be happy,
01:05:47but on the other hand, she doesn't want any other women in my life.
01:05:49Yeah, I think that's why she still lets you live at home.
01:05:51Yeah, you're right.
01:05:53I mean, I love her so much.
01:05:55She's my mom and all,
01:05:57but eventually I have to spread my wings and fly.
01:05:59Okay, so what's the plan?
01:06:01Well, I think I'll let her down gently,
01:06:03move a couple miles away.
01:06:05No, no, what's the plan here?
01:06:07Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:06:09This is the surveillance van, all right?
01:06:11And, uh, oh, this is the monitor,
01:06:13and we're gonna watch what happens, uh, to Ted here,
01:06:15and then Frank, um, Agent Hughes is gonna come back,
01:06:17and, uh, he's gonna watch with us, you know,
01:06:19to make sure that everything's good,
01:06:21and, uh, Ted's not gonna die or anything.
01:06:23I mean, it's just one of those
01:06:25we're gonna
01:06:27keep safe, um...
01:06:29Hey, Scott!
01:06:31Can you come here
01:06:33for a second, please?
01:06:35And save me from myself.
01:06:37Seriously.
01:06:39I'm sorry.
01:06:41Have you ever had sex?
01:06:43Never.
01:06:45Yeah, yeah.
01:06:47Shows, doesn't it?
01:06:49All right, you know the deal.
01:06:51We need clean audio,
01:06:53so get in as close as you can, all right?
01:06:55Yeah, all right, once we got what we need,
01:06:57we'll come in guns hot.
01:06:59Don't try running.
01:07:07Shoot.
01:07:09What's that, amigo?
01:07:11He's going to die.
01:07:13No.
01:07:15Probably.
01:07:17Maybe we'll just move out of the bedroom.
01:07:19We have bugs.
01:07:21Uh, Frank, um, Agent Hughes.
01:07:23Well, well, well.
01:07:25Hello, my little snuggle bunnies.
01:07:27What the hell are you doing here?
01:07:29What I always do, sweetheart.
01:07:31Bring the fucking party.
01:07:33Dude, seriously, what are you doing here?
01:07:35Oh, you ever heard?
01:07:37You're not the only one that needs my expertise.
01:07:39I'm the newest FBI consultant.
01:07:41Isn't that right, Agent Hughes?
01:07:43That's so right.
01:07:45He's my biggest fan.
01:07:47I gave him an autograph.
01:07:49Just don't fuck it up, okay?
01:07:51Yes, tight. Sit down, students,
01:07:53and prepare yourselves.
01:08:21Hey.
01:08:39Hey.
01:08:41It's with the best, Ted.
01:08:43In case he tries to shoot me.
01:08:45Move slowly, Ted.
01:08:47I am.
01:08:49I think you know why.
01:08:51Call us even.
01:08:53I'm glad to see you're doing okay, though.
01:08:55You know why?
01:08:57Because you've got to be a father all over again.
01:08:59Looking at this situation, it seems like you've got it all figured out.
01:09:01What's your point?
01:09:03That he's a terrible father.
01:09:05That's not fair. It's just to you.
01:09:07Where is it, Ted?
01:09:09I have it.
01:09:11Toss it over.
01:09:13And the money?
01:09:15Babe, give us the money.
01:09:17Hi, Ted.
01:09:19Ellie.
01:09:21You look good.
01:09:23Fuck you.
01:09:31All right.
01:09:33I'm good.
01:09:35Ted.
01:09:37Drugs?
01:09:47See ya.
01:09:49Ted.
01:09:51You know there's no money in that bag.
01:09:53And you know we can't let you
01:09:55or Marie live.
01:10:01Just one question
01:10:03before you shoot your son.
01:10:05Why couldn't you have included me?
01:10:07It took him three months
01:10:09to learn how to tie his shoes.
01:10:11Hey, it takes everyone that long.
01:10:13Not when they're 18 years old, Dan.
01:10:15Seriously, Dad. Why?
01:10:17Dan has his downfalls, yes.
01:10:19Wait, wait. Hold on, hold on.
01:10:21What the hell is that supposed to mean?
01:10:23That you're an idiot. He does all the work.
01:10:25I'm the one who bribed Judge Albert.
01:10:27I'm the one who got the detectives on board.
01:10:29I'm the one who paid off Officer Dilly.
01:10:31Hey, Dan, shut up.
01:10:33No, I think he's fucking right.
01:10:35When's the last time you said it?
01:10:37Good job, Dan. Nice shooting.
01:10:39Dan, what the hell?
01:10:41Because I do do all the work, Dan.
01:10:43I deal with the cartel.
01:10:45I bought Governor Porter.
01:10:47I'm the one who got the Hells Angels deal.
01:10:49Yeah, well, I supplied the guns.
01:10:51And I fucking used them.
01:10:53Holy shit. Jackpot.
01:10:55Jackpot.
01:10:57Shut the fuck up.
01:10:59Drive-bys are for pussies.
01:11:01I killed those snitches with my bare hands.
01:11:03And I fucking buried them in the woods
01:11:05that I found where I lured them to.
01:11:07Are you kidding us?
01:11:09These guys are fucking idiots.
01:11:11Just give it away.
01:11:13The fucking two-pump chump of a drug deal.
01:11:15And then I started that fire.
01:11:17That was my house.
01:11:25You guys are idiots.
01:11:27Shut the fuck up. You're adopted.
01:11:29What?
01:11:31You know, and that's why I'm not gonna feel too bad about this next part.
01:11:33Oh, this is for you.
01:11:41Fuck.
01:11:43Down on the ground, now!
01:11:45Yeah, down on the ground.
01:11:47Really?
01:11:49Set me on.
01:11:51Marie!
01:11:57Marie, I...
01:12:11You'll get it.
01:12:13Of course.
01:12:17Ellie?
01:12:19Marie! Oh, my God, how are you?
01:12:21Hold on.
01:12:23Oh! What the fuck?
01:12:29Hey.
01:12:31You're kind of cute.
01:12:33Hey, Scott?
01:12:35Scotty?
01:12:37This is yourself, Marie?
01:12:39Yeah, I think so.
01:12:41And so does Eddie Bear.
01:12:43Don't you, sweetheart?
01:12:45Come to the party, if you like.
01:12:47Going all night.
01:12:49They're the middlemen of the cartel.
01:12:51I really fuck nightgowns, guys.
01:12:53They stole business from me.
01:12:55And one time I was, like, 15 minutes late to a deal,
01:12:57and they fucking killed my dog.
01:12:59Who kills a man's dog?
01:13:01I'm Agent Hughes from the FBI.
01:13:03We've had quite a night, haven't we?
01:13:05We need you to meet and wear a wire.
01:13:07There's information about their people on the inside.
01:13:29Yeah. They just got here.
01:13:37Oh!
01:13:45Oh, fuck.
01:13:47By posing his grandparents
01:13:49and bar minions as FBI agents,
01:13:51it turns out Eddie Vedder
01:13:53didn't have such a low IQ after all.
01:13:55Being that Eddie now
01:13:57had Dave and Dan on tape
01:13:59giving details of their entire operation,
01:14:01along with every major politician involved,
01:14:03he could do pretty much
01:14:05whatever he wanted.
01:14:07So he once again took the reins
01:14:09as the drug lord
01:14:11of the entire Southwest region.
01:14:13Officer Rahm was dumped in the lake.
01:14:15The current took him,
01:14:17and he was never seen or heard from again.
01:14:19Nobody went looking for him whatsoever.
01:14:21It turns out
01:14:23he didn't even have a family,
01:14:25which makes sense.
01:14:27Who would ever love a piece of shit like that?
01:14:29Ellie ended up taking Agent Lewis'
01:14:31I mean, Alex the bartender's
01:14:33virginity later that night.
01:14:35Unfortunately, she left him
01:14:37and every other guy in this movie
01:14:39with chlamydia.
01:14:41As for my homie Ted,
01:14:43he and Marie are disease-free
01:14:45and doing fine.
01:14:49So, um, how'd you guys meet?
01:14:53Um, well,
01:14:55it was at that, um,
01:14:57my...
01:14:59Your cousin's...
01:15:01Bridal shower.
01:15:03It started with
01:15:05this West Wing marathon,
01:15:07but then I was like,
01:15:09they don't have that on Jewish TV.
01:15:11The Internet.
01:15:21Now you know what
01:15:23I'm supposed to do
01:15:25♪ I'm not with you, but you're part of me, it's real ♪
01:15:32♪ I don't know why my aching heart ♪