Tamika Mallory visits the ESSENCE office to talk about her new memoir 'I Lived To Tell The Story'.
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00:00I am definitely multidimensional.
00:02All of the protests that I've been involved in are significant, but the one I would go
00:07back to would be Sean Bell, when Sean Bell, Joe Guzman, and Trent Benefield was shot on
00:15the day of Sean Bell's wedding.
00:17That was a moment in my life that moved me in ways that I can't even describe.
00:24And I'll never forget being there with Nicole Bell, Sean's widow, in that fight.
00:29It was real, you know?
00:32I think one of the biggest mistakes that some of the newer activists, the newer generation
00:39activists make is dismissing the wisdom of the elders and dismissing the need for the
00:44elders to be at the table.
00:46I think we can learn so much from what our elders have experienced, what they've endured,
00:52and how they fought.
00:54Certainly we can evolve, but I always like to make sure that my elders are a part of
00:59my thinking and my strategizing.
01:02If I could go, if I could have one conversation with someone who is deceased, it would be
01:08my son's father, Jason.
01:10I would love to talk to him about, you know, where my son is today, where I am today, and
01:16how we've been able to continue on despite the fact that he wasn't able to be on the
01:21journey with us.
01:24If I could change one law overnight, I would address the issue of families being separated
01:29in order for a mother to receive public assistance and the things that she needs in order to
01:36survive.
01:37I would change the laws that say that a father can't be in the home in order for a mother
01:43to have Section 8 or, you know, food stamps.
01:47Certainly I think that has been a tool to divide black families.
01:51And if I could just stroke of a pen, I would write that away and figure out a way that
01:56families could stay together and receive the assistance they need so that they can be successful
02:02and grow together.
02:04I think a movement that never gets enough attention is gun violence prevention and intervention
02:09in our nation.
02:11Young black men, the number one killer of our young black men is gun violence.
02:19And I think we need to be consistently focused on that issue.
02:24There are organizers that do the work, but we need to make sure that the entire country
02:28sees it as the public health crisis that it is and that we never take our eyes off of
02:33protecting our young people.
02:38One thing I would tell my 21-year-old self is don't do everything so fast because a ride
02:44is coming, honey.
02:45You have no idea about what you will see, where you will go, and the people you'll meet.
02:51And one day, you'll be being interviewed by Essence magazine.
02:56A word that I live by is intersectionality.
02:58I have to remind myself all the time that everyone's issue is not everyone's issue,
03:06that people come from different perspectives.
03:08And in order for us to build strong, powerful, diverse movements, we have to make space for
03:15multiple perspectives and feelings and opinions.
03:20And so I think intersectionality is a powerful word for me.
03:24One regret that I have in my personal life is not understanding the power of my mother's
03:30intuition.
03:32My mother knew everything.
03:34Even if she didn't know exactly what was happening in that second, she was always in the ballpark.
03:40And now I realize that I could have prevented myself from experiencing a lot of pain and
03:48trauma if I respected her intuition and listened to her when I was younger.
03:53Lucid Dreams was one of the chapters that was really hard for me to write because I
03:58was outlining my experience going to rehab after getting hooked on prescription pills.
04:06So it was kind of difficult to tell people all the details of what it was like in rehab
04:12and then, of course, coming home and trying to piece my life back together after having
04:18been through something so shameful.
04:21That was a tough chapter.
04:23If readers walk away with one thing from my book, one lesson I would like for it to be,
04:28get a therapist and be serious and intentional about your time with a professional who can
04:34help you deal with what can be generational trauma.
04:39It doesn't have to be your trauma specifically, but we carry trauma in our bloodline.
04:45The title I live to tell this story, I did.
04:48I lived.
04:49I'm still here.
04:50It's been a rough road.
04:51I've been through some things.
04:53If you know anything about my story, there's some painful moments, but I'm still standing
04:58and I don't look like what I've been through.
05:00So resilience is a key part of the book and I live to tell the story is a real title that
05:06applies to my real life.
05:08My go-to self-care routine is to go to sleep, lay down, sat down.
05:15That's my self-care routine.