The Bet_A young Sydney stockbroker risks it all to win a friendly bet about making money.

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Transcript

00:00:00Balding Penguin

00:00:07Balding Penguin

00:00:10Reverse Egyptian suplex, reverse Egyptian suplex, he's going for the pin, one, two, three,

00:00:36yes, it's all over, what an absolute war that was, okay wrestling fans, it's time for the main event,

00:00:44after years of heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams, and shattered confidence, this young man will

00:00:49finally have one last shot at the world title, does he have any chance, if you ask this announcer,

00:00:57he's f***ed, dude, thanks for bogarting all these sweet wrestling DVDs from work, oh yeah dude,

00:01:03I'd rather you have them, seem to get thrown out when the store closes, oh, uh, keep in mind

00:01:10on dad tonight, he hasn't been the same since we moved in the garage, no problem, good luck

00:01:16on your date, maybe she'll let you sniff her, it's just dinner, dude, hey Mr. B, what you

00:01:27working on over there, completing the perfect woman, I look forward to meeting her, I already

00:01:38got started, I hope you don't mind, just need to get my drink on tonight, well I get, getting

00:01:45your drink on this evening, this is a really beautiful place you picked, I am starving, I'm

00:01:52taking a horse, that's funny, let's see, do they have a horse in it, no, no, they have $30 soup though,

00:01:58so, I feel like I've been totally talking your face off about me, oh no, tell me more about you,

00:02:12I work at a video store, people store at movies, well no, actually, that's kind of the problem,

00:02:21um, I don't know, I think it's kind of sad that people don't go to video stores anymore,

00:02:24it's kind of an Americana sort of thing, I don't know, I, going, Brandon, oh no, I'm Denton,

00:02:30Shaniqua, Danielle, holy shit, I don't care, come here, come here, you look amazing,

00:02:38thank you, okay, uh, Brandon, this is Denton, on a date with a real girl, good for you, buddy,

00:02:44it's just like a blind date, sort of thing, it's not bad, oh, I'm right here, I figured it was,

00:02:50hey, you know what, I made some improvements to the old, it's your June train, if you want to,

00:02:53uh, come, for like a ride, you know, maybe I'll argue a lot, that a girl, okay, so thank you so

00:03:02much, this has been really great, and, um, yeah, good luck with the whole video store job thingy,

00:03:07thank you, thank you, I canceled my drink,

00:03:14later Denton, whenever you're ready, chief,

00:03:19it's all over, folks, he f***ed that one up,

00:03:25that was awesome, dad, come on, come on, let's go to bed, huh,

00:03:34come on, let's go to bed,

00:03:36oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so, that was the big date, oh, it was not good, it was not, in fact,

00:03:48it was pretty terrible, well, life is a series of miserable dates, oh, oh, terrific,

00:03:59Oh, I got one Kendra McNulty

00:04:08Kendra McNulty, she was fine and she would have got that root

00:04:17Those paid off the up again

00:04:19It's that me well according to this dyke piazza

00:04:23You're oh and four for the entire day

00:04:25So it looks like all that money spent on glare protection is really working out for you

00:04:28Bullshit

00:04:30The hell is this?

00:04:32Oh, it's a list of all the hottest girls we went to school with

00:04:35Kendra McNulty, please, you want to talk about fine middle school p***s?

00:04:40Haley Matthews

00:04:43Haley Matthews, yo that was the first girl in our grade to have sex right?

00:04:47Hell yeah, she sunk the f***ing clock on the eighth grade field trip

00:04:50No, that was Mikey Milligan

00:04:52How do you know?

00:04:53Because I was sitting in between them

00:04:55Oof

00:04:57I cannot believe you let her do a flyover

00:04:59Next time a girl tries to do that, air pocket

00:05:02If I could do it all over again, I would have a vault of Vatch to dive into

00:05:06They would call me Scrooge Mc***

00:05:07I literally don't think anybody would ever call you that

00:05:10A couple people might

00:05:11You guys talking DuckTales?

00:05:13Wiggins, apologies for getting you wet with a cartoon analogy

00:05:17But can you please not interrupt serious conversations about p***s?

00:05:20Hey Dem, what do you think?

00:05:21Wanna send another one of your ladies out here so we can end this and go home?

00:05:24I got hot yoga

00:05:25Oh, I want him to be dead

00:05:27Wiggins, get up there and smash the ball down that motherf***er's throat

00:05:31Will do, coach

00:05:32Here we go

00:05:33Do it, Ken Spiffy Jr.

00:05:35Mmm, two for two

00:05:41Good hustle, good hustle Wiggins, good hustle

00:05:43Dropping dimes Brandon

00:05:44Now Benny, Wiggins

00:05:46Come on dude, really? You're gonna text during the game?

00:05:49It's called sexting you f***ing nerd

00:05:51Oh yeah, is it prepaid?

00:05:52No, it's unlimited like your mom

00:05:55Try it!

00:05:56Shit!

00:05:57Jackson, you gotta chill dude

00:05:59Have you forgotten?

00:06:00When old man Lucas shuts down the video store, our team goes with it

00:06:03Look at that old f*** out there

00:06:05Rubbing our faces in his s***

00:06:07Our face is right in his s***

00:06:09Eddie, honey

00:06:11I just finished my workout

00:06:12But I'm gonna go pick up a six pack

00:06:14We're still watching the game tonight, right?

00:06:15Absolutely baby

00:06:16Alright, see you tonight

00:06:17Love you

00:06:20I would totally go big on your wife

00:06:22Strike three

00:06:23Going down swinging

00:06:24Like your girlfriend on my d*** last night

00:06:26Joke's on you

00:06:27I don't have a girlfriend

00:06:29Horribly embarrassing

00:06:31Bring it in

00:06:32You guys suck dick

00:06:33Fuck you

00:06:34Fuck you

00:06:35Fuck you

00:06:36Fuck you

00:06:37Madam

00:06:38Fuck you

00:06:39Always have

00:06:40Always well

00:06:41Oh!

00:06:42Hey!

00:06:44You checking out my mom's ass perverts?

00:06:46Yeah

00:06:47Thought that was your stepmom's ass

00:06:49Fuck you Jackson

00:06:50You f***ing Ewok

00:06:51By the way, saw your game today

00:06:520 for 4

00:06:53Nice

00:06:54What's this?

00:06:56Hand that to me

00:06:57You're making a list of all the girls you wish you f***ing school

00:07:01That's hilarious

00:07:02Cause I have a list of the girls I did f***ing school

00:07:04Search your scene

00:07:05It's a big f***ing list

00:07:06Hey, Denton could f*** every girl on that list

00:07:08Wait wait, I'll let the man speak

00:07:09I'm sorry

00:07:10You think Denton can get through this whole list?

00:07:11Every name?

00:07:12Could you do that Denton?

00:07:13What?

00:07:14I didn't say anything

00:07:15Maybe her

00:07:16God, I smell a bet coming on

00:07:17I wish any of you f***ers had anything of value

00:07:19Anything

00:07:20I drain you for every penny

00:07:22Mmm

00:07:23In the meantime

00:07:24We've got a train to catch

00:07:26Enjoy tickling each other's p***s ladies

00:07:28Ah p***s

00:07:45This place is jumping

00:07:46How do you have any movies left?

00:07:47What's up guys, how you doing?

00:07:48Ah good, we're just doing some man stuff around the corner

00:07:51Figured we'd stop by

00:07:52Say what's up

00:07:53What's up?

00:07:54We still on for Taco Tuesdays?

00:07:56God

00:07:57Yes, please

00:07:58Nice

00:07:59Any chance we can push that up a little bit?

00:08:00I have a training session tonight

00:08:02A training sesh?

00:08:03Yeah

00:08:04Short for session

00:08:05Okay

00:08:06Who are you training tonight?

00:08:07I haven't decided yet

00:08:09Hi

00:08:10Hey, how's it going?

00:08:11How's it going?

00:08:12Yeah

00:08:14Why don't you smell that?

00:08:16Smell it

00:08:18Smell it

00:08:19What does this smell like to you?

00:08:21Kinda like envelope glue?

00:08:23Smells like a sweaty asshole

00:08:25Here, try this one

00:08:30Dude, all of your movies smell like a f***ing asshole

00:08:33Smells like a bottle

00:08:34Really?

00:08:35Now my player smells like a f***ing asshole

00:08:37You guys sitting on this shit?

00:08:41Delivery for Lucas Gourmet condoms

00:08:43Uh, you know what?

00:08:44Actually that goes across the street to the company over there

00:08:47They're not getting stuff here until the end of the summer

00:08:49Those f***ers are getting packages here already?

00:08:51I don't give two shits

00:08:52This is what it says on the package

00:08:54This is where I'm dropping it

00:08:55Hey

00:08:56Why don't you smell this thing?

00:08:58What does it smell like to you?

00:09:00Smells like wet, dirty assholes

00:09:04What the f*** you guys doing here?

00:09:14Denton, what's up?

00:09:16Hi

00:09:17Brrr

00:09:18Denise

00:09:19That was close

00:09:20You almost had it

00:09:21Sorry, um

00:09:22You guys are actually already having packages delivered to the video store

00:09:26Ooh, sorry

00:09:27Denise

00:09:28Yeah

00:09:29Oh, one sec

00:09:30Uh-huh, okay

00:09:31I'll send him back

00:09:32Hey

00:09:33Yes

00:09:34Mr. Lucas wants to see you

00:09:36He's in Brandon's office

00:09:37Okay, just right around the corner

00:09:38Oh, uh

00:09:39How does he know I'm here?

00:09:40Cause they're watching

00:09:42And you

00:09:43Have your Taco Tuesday with your friends later at La Cabana

00:09:47How did you know that?

00:09:52Good luck with the old man

00:09:53Okay, it'll be fine

00:09:54Supposed to taste good not to prevent herpes or anything for Christ's sake

00:09:59Hey, Denton

00:10:01What's up, man?

00:10:02Oh, I meant to say congratulations on f***ing Danielle

00:10:05That's awesome

00:10:06Oh, I didn't

00:10:07I didn't

00:10:08I'm sorry, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no

00:10:09That was me

00:10:10I f***ed twice

00:10:11We filmed it, actually

00:10:12Uh, what was the movie called?

00:10:13Oh, uh, The Great Train Blowjobbery

00:10:15Give me all your cunny bits

00:10:16Uh, did Danielle know that you were filming her?

00:10:19What are you f***ing stupid?

00:10:20Like we asked permission to film her?

00:10:22Train porno

00:10:23It's the world's fastest growing fetish

00:10:25We're the Lucas and Serge burger of the genre

00:10:27Shag Hard Express

00:10:29Missionary Possible

00:10:30Me Hard on the Orient Express

00:10:32Uh, trains, planes, and cock is your meal

00:10:33F***ing classics, bro

00:10:34Amen, sister

00:10:35Tell him Mr. Lucas said f*** you

00:10:38Didn't

00:10:40That you came by

00:10:42It's a big day, man

00:10:44After my ground breaking career

00:10:46And the flavored jimmy biz

00:10:48I'll be retiring at the end of the summer

00:10:50So Brandon's your new point person in regards to the takeover

00:10:54Now I want my product in that bullshit video store within 90 days

00:10:59Yes, sir

00:11:00Yes, sir

00:11:01We've started our move out and we will be out on time

00:11:03You damn well better

00:11:05You know, you should've just closed that shit hole today

00:11:07I mean, what the hell have you wasted your whole damn life for in there?

00:11:11Well, uh, it means something to me, sir

00:11:15I can remember all of the best times growing up going to that video store

00:11:22I made all my best friends there

00:11:24And I know people don't rent at a video store anymore

00:11:27I know that's kind of in the past

00:11:30But it's made me who I am

00:11:34A huge pussy

00:11:35Oh, shit

00:11:36Hit him in the low, dawg

00:11:37Is that right?

00:11:38We didn't know about you

00:11:39All right, all right

00:11:40Son, you're either a born loser

00:11:43Or a winner

00:11:45Take Brandon here

00:11:47The day his mama shit him out of her f***ing joke

00:11:51God rest her

00:11:52So, he hit the ground in the winter

00:11:54Now, Sergio on the other hand

00:11:56I'm a real f*** up

00:11:59Well, let me tell you what success is

00:12:03You see

00:12:04I wake up in the morning

00:12:06I slam me down a red bull and some vodka

00:12:09Go clubbing with some young poong

00:12:11Take me some byagies

00:12:13And at the end of the night

00:12:14I squeeze me some of the finest little young ta-tas money can buy

00:12:20They're very big

00:12:22You see

00:12:23I can smell success

00:12:26Just like the old man

00:12:31I'm a f***ing whiff of it on you

00:12:34You know what?

00:12:36If he's your old man

00:12:39That's barbecue flavor

00:12:41That's his favorite

00:12:42Give him something

00:12:44Anything

00:12:46As far as you two

00:12:49Don't forget

00:12:50Promotional party tonight

00:12:51Peppermint Sea Pro

00:12:53First lap dances on me

00:12:54Yeah, daddy

00:12:55The second lap dances on me, too

00:12:57Honey, it's one o'clock

00:13:02It's time for our couple's mani-pedi

00:13:04Hi, daddy

00:13:05Hi, daddy

00:13:06Hi, Kirsten

00:13:07Hey, it's Mrs. Lucas to you

00:13:09Manny-pedi-heading

00:13:12Here we go

00:13:13Woo

00:13:14Whoa, whoa, whoa

00:13:16Baker

00:13:17Where the f*** you think you're going?

00:13:18Sit down

00:13:19Um

00:13:20Are you...

00:13:21Are you...

00:13:22Done being mean to me?

00:13:23I've got a present for you

00:13:28It's a go, bitch

00:13:29You tell your little bub buddies over there

00:13:31At that stupid video store

00:13:32That the CEO of Lucas' gourmet condom signed off on everything

00:13:36Rosenberg's screwed up in legal

00:13:37He's a Jew

00:13:38So I assume it's binding and everything

00:13:40You know?

00:13:41I'm gonna watch you fail

00:13:42And I'm gonna love every second of it

00:13:44Every

00:13:45Damn

00:13:47Second

00:13:49Of it

00:13:53Is that... did you...

00:13:54Can I go now?

00:13:55Get the f*** out of here

00:13:57Let the games begin!

00:14:01Cocksmoke

00:14:02Better

00:14:09What the hell was this?

00:14:11There he is

00:14:12That, you lucky motherfucker

00:14:14Is a legal and binding document

00:14:16That's right

00:14:17Me and Jackson sat down with Lucas' legal team this morning

00:14:19And hammered out all the details

00:14:20I have to sleep with twelve girls this summer

00:14:23Or the Lucases get my house?

00:14:25Well, you're renting out your house

00:14:27To that asshole bub

00:14:28Technically, do you live in the garage?

00:14:30What, are you guys lawyers now?

00:14:31Huh?

00:14:32Well, I actually had a lawyer look over the details

00:14:39Hello, officers of Charles McD.

00:14:41And he may or may not be my uncle

00:14:44Uh... kind of contract?

00:14:46Um...

00:14:47Uh...

00:14:48Yeah... yeah...

00:14:51You're good man, you're good

00:14:53But don't worry man, we did all the legwork for you

00:14:59Oh my god

00:15:01That, my friend, is nine of your school crushes

00:15:05You actually picked out most of them yourself

00:15:08Wait, what are the two empty slots for?

00:15:10Oh, you get to pick the two wildcard bitches

00:15:12That's right, as long as we can prove you went to school with them

00:15:14You can decide whoever you want

00:15:16Well, now I think it's time for a celebratory shake

00:15:19Gentlemen

00:15:20You guys?

00:15:21100% alright, thanks though

00:15:23What the fuck's going on here?

00:15:25Sorry Bob

00:15:26Sorry is right, you sorry motherfuckers

00:15:29What's those white bitches doing on the wall?

00:15:31Oh, these are all the girls that Denton went to school with

00:15:34Yeah, he's gonna f**k them

00:15:35He's gonna f**k him?

00:15:36That guy is gonna f**k him?

00:15:38He's gonna get f**ked

00:15:39You don't necessarily have to sleep with him

00:15:41Oh, no, you just gotta bust a fat

00:15:43It doesn't matter how

00:15:44Uh, handy, beach, missionary

00:15:47Uh-oh

00:15:48Old country, doggy, bukkake

00:15:50Gangbang, facial, 69

00:15:52Come dump truck, shitty kitty

00:15:54Yo, I like that one

00:15:55Shitty kitty

00:15:56Shitty kitty

00:15:57Siberian jizz-sicle

00:15:58You know what I like?

00:15:59F**king Nigerian cocksicle

00:16:01That's what I like

00:16:02To drill the sh** out your big dry f**king asses

00:16:05Bye Bob

00:16:06Good job

00:16:07Thanks

00:16:08That's right, we just need to have solid evidence of each hookup

00:16:11Guys, I can't do this

00:16:12This is your chance, D

00:16:14Your biological conch is ticking, man

00:16:17Dude, if you do this

00:16:18You get 100% of the Lucas Gourmet Condom Company

00:16:21You get everything

00:16:22All associated properties and holdings

00:16:24The video store stays open and we can still play ball

00:16:27You can't lose the team, D

00:16:30Jackson might kill himself

00:16:33And after what Mr. Lucas did to your dad

00:16:36Think about it

00:16:40Yeah

00:16:42Hey champ

00:16:51Oh hey Mr. Blosky, how you doing?

00:16:53You kidding?

00:16:54Hi

00:16:55Is uh, is your dad home?

00:16:57Nope, don't think he's, no

00:17:00Uh, is everything okay?

00:17:01No, no

00:17:03No

00:17:04Your dad's been uh

00:17:06He's been stealing my son's Legos

00:17:09What?

00:17:11Are you sure?

00:17:12I've been picking them up all day

00:17:14Legos

00:17:15From my house

00:17:16To your house

00:17:17He's uh

00:17:18He's had a rough go of it

00:17:20Well I think he's getting worse

00:17:22Maybe those assholes are right

00:17:37Fuck yeah we are

00:17:39Get up man

00:17:40We got chicks to do

00:17:41What is, what is Scott Quaker doing up there?

00:17:43You're gonna laugh at this

00:17:44He's actually one of your dates

00:17:45No

00:17:46Okay look for two of the dates you only have to kiss

00:17:49It's supposed to be twelve girls

00:17:51You and Snot Shaker were inseparable in the third grade

00:17:54Everybody knows you had a crush on him, Lucas wouldn't budge

00:17:56I didn't have a crush on him, listen, guys didn't even like girls in the third grade

00:17:58I love p***y in the third grade, ask Wiggins

00:18:00Yeah, it's pretty gross

00:18:02Yeah, it's pretty gross

00:18:03I don't know

00:18:04I don't know

00:18:05I don't know

00:18:06I don't know

00:18:07I don't know

00:18:08I don't know

00:18:09P***y in the third grade

00:18:10Ask Wiggins

00:18:11Yeah, it's pretty gross

00:18:13Here's the dossier for your first date

00:18:14We picked the sluttiest one first, seventh grade

00:18:17Hayley Matthews?

00:18:18I haven't even talked to her in like fifteen years

00:18:21Surprise again!

00:18:23You've actually been talking to her all day, online

00:18:26We told you to ride a Harley though, cause she's into bad boys

00:18:28You sold me as a bad boy to Hayley Matthews?

00:18:31How am I actually gonna impress a girl like that?

00:18:33This Denton clearly isn't doing the trick

00:18:36Fuck no

00:18:37But, I mean, what's wrong with me? I'm fine, right?

00:18:40Okay, I guess I'll start

00:18:42Um, you don't put any product in your hair?

00:18:46You're always talking about bands that no one's ever heard of?

00:18:48Like, I'm sorry guys, but who the f*** is Black Sabbath?

00:18:52Yeah man, you live in a garage

00:18:55Wiggins, you live in a garage with me

00:18:58Oh yeah

00:19:00You're gonna have to shave your shaft

00:19:02Your taint

00:19:04Your grundle

00:19:05Your satchel page, man

00:19:07You gotta be as bald as a Scandinavian turtle

00:19:09It's gonna f***ing shine

00:19:10I gotta see my face

00:19:11And you're right nut, man

00:19:12Look, I'm dressed like a Crip stepfather right now

00:19:16Does it matter?

00:19:17No

00:19:18Because I'm confident

00:19:20You just gotta be confident in who you are

00:19:22Or, in this case, who you are not

00:19:24Look, man

00:19:31I get it

00:19:32You're in a rut

00:19:34Are you gonna do something about it?

00:19:36If you're not gonna do it for you?

00:19:39Alright, let's do it

00:19:49Nice

00:19:50Fuck yeah

00:19:51Hi, uh...

00:19:52Is it?

00:19:53I'm sorry, is this?

00:19:54Uh, 264 Pacific?

00:19:55Tenton

00:19:56Hey, girlie, what's your name is?

00:19:57Ass so fab but that way so famish

00:19:58It's all goody as long as I get a woody

00:19:59You can pack, pack, put your neck all baby

00:20:00In Bland Davis

00:20:01Hi

00:20:02Hi

00:20:03I'm sorry, is this?

00:20:04Uh, 264 Pacific?

00:20:05Tenton

00:20:06Hey, girlie, what's your name is?

00:20:07Ass so fab but that way so famish

00:20:08It's all goody as long as I get a woody

00:20:09You can pack, pack, put your neck all baby

00:20:10In Bland Davis

00:20:11Hi

00:20:12Hi, Hailey

00:20:13He looks so great

00:20:14You, you look...

00:20:15I can't tell

00:20:16No, I know, right?

00:20:17I mean, who would've thought?

00:20:18I know, right?

00:20:19I mean, who would've thought?

00:20:20I know, right?

00:20:21I mean, who would've thought?

00:20:22Hi, Hailey

00:20:23Hailey

00:20:24Hailey

00:20:25Hailey

00:20:26You look so great

00:20:27You look...

00:20:28I can't tell

00:20:29I know, right?

00:20:30I mean, who would've thought?

00:20:31Not me

00:20:36Where's your Harley?

00:20:37Uh, yeah, it's uh, it's in the shop

00:20:39No

00:20:40Seat's...

00:20:41Seat's broken

00:20:42Oh, well, we're all ready to go

00:20:45We?

00:20:46Eh, eh, eh, eh...

00:20:47Eh, eh, eh...

00:20:48Eh, eh, eh, eh...

00:20:52Eh, eh, eh, eh...

00:20:53Eh, eh...

00:20:56Let me tell you what can I've got the land

00:20:59Give all your friends a standing invitation

00:21:02La-la-la-la-la

00:21:06I got a loft on Dan down, he used to be mine, there's nothing but noise and grain, people sleeping everywhere,

00:21:18I got a gift by the clean town, sleeping on courts of beer, the love comes every day,

00:21:26we're on rocks tonight, baby!

00:21:36My therapist thought it would be a good idea if I had a major life change, so here I am.

00:21:47Wow, this is a big one.

00:21:53Yeah, I started a pretty sweet softball team with my buddies, my dad's building a woman out of Legos.

00:22:02Um, I sell my sperm at a sperm bank.

00:22:08I thought you were a cage fighter.

00:22:10Uh, yeah, I, here's the interesting part of the story, well, um, the best part of the story is coming right now.

00:22:20I was living in this, uh, apartment, and there was this, uh, old Asian handyman who taught me to, to, uh, paint fences and, and, and, and, and wash cars, stuff like that.

00:22:35So, um, but I, you know what, I was like, this sucks, being a teen with, with problems and no direction, this is not the life I want, but, you know, turns out he was a martial arts master, and he taught me a few things.

00:22:54He was, he was a, uh, blonde kid with feathered hair, giving me a rash of shit, and I was like, let's enter a tournament together of karate, and I, I crane kicked him in the face.

00:23:07And that sort of thing just, you know, naturally leads to cage fighting.

00:23:12That's so cool.

00:23:13Yeah.

00:23:14What's your finishing move?

00:23:16Hmm?

00:23:17Finishing, finishing move is the head butt to the nuts.

00:23:24Yeah, I get a handful of those nards, and I just boom, boom, boom, boom, six or seven times.

00:23:31Wow.

00:23:33So, um, you have a girlfriend or a wife or something?

00:23:38Nah, I don't need the ag, you know?

00:23:40Yeah.

00:23:41Yeah, it's just my chopper, cage, and tats.

00:23:47Tattoos?

00:23:48Yep.

00:23:48Yep, yeah, it's a full back piece.

00:23:51Yeah, hours of work.

00:23:52It's a Yakuza tattoo.

00:23:53Yeah, but instead of, uh, Samurai, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:23:59Squat thrusting.

00:24:02Mars.

00:24:02Oh, I've got to see that.

00:24:06No, I can't, baby.

00:24:07No, I can't do it.

00:24:08What?

00:24:08Yeah, it melted off in the explosion when I was escaping the state pen.

00:24:12Oh, my God.

00:24:14That is so...

00:24:16Oh, yeah.

00:24:17Yeah.

00:24:19Oh.

00:24:21What?

00:24:22The sisters warned me this could happen.

00:24:26What could happen?

00:24:27Sisters, I will never forget the time we've spent together.

00:24:39Your life lessons and blessings will stay with me all the days of my life.

00:24:44Unfortunately, the exorcism performed on my devil pussy has failed.

00:24:51I want you to fuck me till I tap out.

00:24:57Holy shit.

00:25:00Hallelujah.

00:25:01Hallelujah.

00:25:04Ow, your knee's on my neck.

00:25:06Oh, sorry.

00:25:06Eleven to go, boys!

00:25:20Oh, yes!

00:25:22Nice!

00:25:23Details, details.

00:25:24It was unreal.

00:25:25She did, like, porno stuff.

00:25:27Oh, of course.

00:25:29Butthole?

00:25:30Oh.

00:25:32Yours?

00:25:34Oh, butthole.

00:25:36Butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole.

00:25:41Yeah!

00:25:43Ah!

00:25:44It's everywhere!

00:25:45Ah!

00:25:46I would tongue-kiss Leo DiCaprio.

00:25:49What are you saying?

00:25:49He has supple lips?

00:25:50It's possible that whenever he...

00:25:52I think he should...

00:25:53Dick!

00:25:55Straight up now tell me, did you really f***ing claptrap Matthews?

00:25:59That's disgusting!

00:26:00I hope you double-bagged it, man.

00:26:01But, because I'm a gentleman and a scholar,

00:26:03I got you a little present.

00:26:06Rain Jimmy's on this b***h.

00:26:07Oh, come on!

00:26:09Just stop it!

00:26:10Stop!

00:26:10Hey!

00:26:11Hey, grab this.

00:26:12I want to keep it.

00:26:14Hashtag blessed.

00:26:16Hashtag clean these up, you f***ing idiot.

00:26:22Wiggins, hand me a condo.

00:26:24Brussels sprouts or Thai sweet chili?

00:26:30Thai sweet chili.

00:26:38All right, man, let's throw some three beyond that scenery for destiny.

00:26:44Welcome to church, gentlemen.

00:26:45Oh, remember, Ed said, uh, smart girls want to be hot, and hot girls want to be smart.

00:26:54The f*** does Ed know?

00:26:56He's home with his wife.

00:26:56You must be really good at math to be able to count up all those ones.

00:27:12Oh, yeah, I guess.

00:27:14I mean, it can be really hard to keep track of, especially if people throw in fives when they

00:27:19really like me.

00:27:21That's a valid point.

00:27:22Did you want to get a lap dance?

00:27:24They're two for one right now.

00:27:26That means that you get two lap dances, but you only pay for one.

00:27:31Wow, you are good at math.

00:27:33That's, I would, I would love one.

00:27:36Two.

00:27:36I've just received news from the other side.

00:27:54The Dark Lord has special instructions for us.

00:27:57Oh, how's he doing?

00:28:01He's well, and says thank you for asking.

00:28:05You're welcome.

00:28:06You're welcome.

00:28:11I'm, I'm, I'm getting a message from the Dark Lord himself right now.

00:28:16What news does he bring?

00:28:19He says that we should consummate our unholy treest on this, on hallowed ground this very eve.

00:28:31He does?

00:28:32Mm-hmm, yes, yes, he does.

00:28:34Oh.

00:28:34Then you must be the chosen one.

00:28:38I am, I'm totally that guy.

00:28:41Then we must commence this ritual immediately.

00:28:43Okay.

00:28:45Here, put this on.

00:28:46The neighbors are always complaining about the noise.

00:28:48It'll just take a minute.

00:28:49Mm-hmm.

00:28:49Oh, don't worry.

00:28:57It only hurts a little bit.

00:28:58I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm

00:29:28You ready?

00:29:42You ready?

00:29:58You ready?

00:29:59You ready?

00:30:00You ready?

00:30:01You ready?

00:30:02You ready?

00:30:03Farley!

00:30:04Farley!

00:30:05Farley!

00:30:06Hey!

00:30:07No!

00:30:08No!

00:30:09No!

00:30:10Come on!

00:30:11Come on!

00:30:12Come on!

00:30:13Come on!

00:30:14Come on!

00:30:15Come on!

00:30:16No!

00:30:17No!

00:30:18No!

00:30:19No!

00:30:20No!

00:30:21He's going to get out of the way!

00:30:23Thank you!

00:30:24I don't grab it!

00:30:25I don't grab it!

00:30:26Hey, thank you!

00:30:27Right here!

00:30:37That's a big dragon, huh?

00:30:39He's a big sharp teeth.

00:30:41What does he say?

00:30:43Rawr!

00:30:44Rawr!

00:30:47Excuse me, sir?

00:30:48Can I help you with something?

00:30:49Oh, no.

00:30:50I'm just checking out this hot check.

00:30:52Oh.

00:30:53You know what?

00:30:54No, no.

00:30:55I love kids!

00:30:56They don't...

00:30:58Shhh...

00:31:00Hey!

00:31:01Hi!

00:31:03Oh, my God!

00:31:04Denton?

00:31:05Oh, my God!

00:31:06Denton Baker?

00:31:07What?

00:31:08From Abrams Elementary, right?

00:31:09Yeah!

00:31:10Brandon Morrison!

00:31:11Look at...

00:31:12Wow!

00:31:13You...

00:31:14Got tall?

00:31:15You're...

00:31:16You're big.

00:31:17Oh, my God.

00:31:18God, that is crazy.

00:31:19I can't believe you still hang out with those guys.

00:31:22What is Jackson up to?

00:31:24Uh, Jackson thinks he's a personal trainer.

00:31:28Wait, what?

00:31:30Yeah.

00:31:31Yeah.

00:31:32He got in shape?

00:31:33No.

00:31:34No, he did not.

00:31:35He just, uh, he works the graveyard shift at the 24-hour gym.

00:31:38So, like, one person comes in and he's like, oh, I'm personally training you.

00:31:41Oh.

00:31:42Okay.

00:31:43That makes more sense.

00:31:44Yeah.

00:31:45What about you?

00:31:46What have you been up to?

00:31:47Where are you working now?

00:31:48Um, I, uh, I got into, uh, cage fighting.

00:31:53Really?

00:31:54Cage?

00:31:55Mm-hmm.

00:31:56Yeah.

00:31:57No, you don't.

00:31:58Seriously, where are you working?

00:32:00Uh, actually, I'm in the movie business.

00:32:03That's even worse than cage fighting.

00:32:06Yeah, well, it's kind of true.

00:32:08I, I still work at, uh, Video Fun Time.

00:32:10Really?

00:32:11Still?

00:32:12Yeah.

00:32:13Well, not for much longer, actually, because the Lucases bought out the building.

00:32:17For their gourmet condom business.

00:32:21That is...

00:32:22That's disgusting.

00:32:23Yeah.

00:32:24Uh, well, this is me.

00:32:28So, um, super cool bumping into you, Denton.

00:32:34Uh, you know what?

00:32:37Would you want to continue this conversation sometime?

00:32:41Nope.

00:32:43Is that a, what is...

00:32:45Yes.

00:32:46Oh, okay.

00:32:47Yeah, I would love to catch up some more.

00:32:49Cool, cool.

00:32:50Uh, how, how, how's eight tonight?

00:32:52Is that...

00:32:53Uh, yeah.

00:32:54Sure.

00:32:55We can, um, we can get that cup of coffee.

00:32:58Cool.

00:33:00Here, let me, um...

00:33:08Meet me here.

00:33:09Stop looking at my c*****, man.

00:33:10I'm not.

00:33:11You're peeing on the bathroom side.

00:33:12I'm doing dishes on the right side.

00:33:13Where the f**k have you been?

00:33:14Well, I'm sorry, Schwarzkopf.

00:33:15I was busy playing stalker at the daycare.

00:33:16In fact, I'm lucky I didn't get arrested.

00:33:17Oh, yeah, that Morrison chick.

00:33:18How's she looking nowadays?

00:33:19Ah, great.

00:33:20Yeah, she seems really cool, too.

00:33:21Yeah?

00:33:22How'd you hit that?

00:33:23HJ?

00:33:24No.

00:33:25I did not.

00:33:26You're a BJ?

00:33:27No.

00:33:28FJ?

00:33:29Did you get one of those FJs in there?

00:33:30I didn't get an FJ.

00:33:31I didn't have quite the time that I needed.

00:33:32I couldn't close the deal.

00:33:33But right now, I'm actually going to see Amanda.

00:33:34Wait, but this is a mandatory meeting.

00:33:35You can do this one without me.

00:33:36I swear to God, you're doing amazing work.

00:33:37Goodbye!

00:33:38Ken, remember, to be the man, you have to beat off the man.

00:33:42It's beat the man.

00:33:43If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man.

00:33:46You don't want to beat him off.

00:33:48You don't want to beat him off.

00:33:49It's beat the man.

00:33:50If you want to beat the man, you have to beat the man.

00:33:52You don't want to beat him off.

00:33:54You don't want to beat him off.

00:33:56What's that shit?

00:33:57Yeah, definitely.

00:33:58And it feels like this thing.

00:33:59I am kind of slunging.

00:34:00I am so mad.

00:34:01You don't want to beat him off.

00:34:03Yeah.

00:34:06But do you remember that story

00:34:08that you got up in front of the entire second grade class

00:34:10and you read it out loud to everybody?

00:34:12Yeah. Wow, I can't believe you remember that.

00:34:14Of course I do. Donny the Lucky Donkey.

00:34:17Actually, it was Donny the Down-on-His-Luck Donkey.

00:34:22Yeah.

00:34:24How come... How did you never get married?

00:34:27Well, my dad was in the Coast Guard,

00:34:28so we moved around a lot when I was a kid,

00:34:30and then I guess after I got my teaching degree,

00:34:33I carried on the family tradition.

00:34:35So you're saying you're a gypsy?

00:34:36No, I'm not a gypsy.

00:34:38Sounds like what a gypsy would say, but...

00:34:40No, I... My girlfriends are all getting married and having kids,

00:34:43and I'm just happy that I finally found a place to settle down and write.

00:34:47Oh, you're a writer?

00:34:48Well, I'm... I'm writing a book.

00:34:50It's a self-help book about how, uh,

00:34:53parents aren't really instilling enough self-confidence in their kids

00:34:57and the effect that it has on them later on in their adult lives.

00:35:01What about you?

00:35:03It's hard to go out and date when you're living in a garage with your dad.

00:35:07Oh, that's hysterical.

00:35:12Oh, God, you're really serious.

00:35:16Uh, kinda.

00:35:18How did that happen?

00:35:19God, I thought your dad was a successful inventor.

00:35:22Well, he was until his greatest invention was stolen out from right underneath him.

00:35:27What was it?

00:35:28Gourmet condom?

00:35:30No.

00:35:31Mm-hmm.

00:35:32Wait, how did your dad even come up with the idea for a gourmet condom in the first place?

00:35:36I don't wanna do this.

00:35:38See, we're having coffee.

00:35:39It's a really wonderful time.

00:35:40I don't wanna screw...

00:35:41Oh, come on!

00:35:42I can't go back.

00:35:43You know, once I say it, it can't be unsaid.

00:35:45I dare you. Bring it on. Let's go.

00:35:46Gross me out.

00:35:47Well, before I was born, my parents went on this kind of zany, wacky diet

00:35:51where they couldn't eat anything after midnight.

00:35:53My mom goes off to the other room to put on something a little more comfortable.

00:35:57My dad, seeing this as an opportunity to cheat on the diet,

00:36:00grabs barbecue chicken wing and starts mowing down on him.

00:36:03Afray of all this, he gets the chicken drippings all over his junk.

00:36:10Fuck.

00:36:11My mom sneaks in, surprised the hell out of him.

00:36:14Phillip, you taste delicious.

00:36:17His wheels started turning and the rest is history.

00:36:20My dad doesn't know how to balance a checkbook, let alone run a company,

00:36:23so Mr. Lucas offers his help.

00:36:25In the interim, my mom gets sick.

00:36:27Lucas says, you know what, don't worry about it.

00:36:29While you're gone, I will get this business started and running.

00:36:32So we're watching TV a couple weeks later.

00:36:34There's an ad for Lucas's gourmet condoms.

00:36:38Didn't you guys get a lawyer? Anything?

00:36:40We got a lawyer, we tried to do all that, but my dad didn't have any copyrights.

00:36:43He didn't have any proof, like solid evidence.

00:36:45From then on, it's just been this, uh, downward spiral.

00:36:49Oh my God, that is so fucked up.

00:36:52But you know what?

00:36:53This actually would make a really great example for my book.

00:36:57Hear me out.

00:36:58Your complete and utter lack of self-confidence has led you to be not only jobless,

00:37:05but homeless and girl-less as well.

00:37:07Oh my God, thank you.

00:37:09No, seriously.

00:37:10The only thing that you are lacking is testicular fortitude.

00:37:15What are you talking about?

00:37:17Balls, Denton.

00:37:19Look, I am, I am, I'm very confident.

00:37:23Really?

00:37:24Uh, oh, uh, hi, I'm Denton.

00:37:27Would you maybe, like, wanna, I don't know, go on a coffee date with me?

00:37:30Even though all I'm gonna do is drink peppermint tea.

00:37:33That was a C-minus impression at best.

00:37:35Oh really?

00:37:36What is this pussy-ass drink?

00:37:39It's filled with antioxidants and fights cervical cancer.

00:37:43So you look kinda dumb right now.

00:37:45Look, this is gonna be the summer that I change your life.

00:37:49And I get to document it in my book.

00:37:52Help, I have the balls of an eight-year-old.

00:37:55Elegant, yet sexy.

00:37:57I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

00:37:59You think about it.

00:38:00I'll be back.

00:38:01Scream that title again?

00:38:02What was it?

00:38:03Shut up.

00:38:04Denton.

00:38:05No.

00:38:06You're my fucking hero, man.

00:38:08It's been an honor watching you point your kill tonight.

00:38:11Uh...

00:38:12I know you're gonna fuck these hot bitches.

00:38:14Mmm.

00:38:15Shhh.

00:38:16How?

00:38:17How do you know about that?

00:38:18Sensei Jackson didn't tell you about me?

00:38:20I'm a star pupil, man.

00:38:22Remember a couple years back when that guy had to be cut out of his house?

00:38:25Yeah.

00:38:26That was me.

00:38:28I weighed 750 fucking pounds.

00:38:30I had to prop my titties up on a towel rack just to dry them off.

00:38:34That's about when Sensei Jackson found me.

00:38:37He put me on a grueling training reg.

00:38:40Had me sucking on his sweet, delicious power shakes.

00:38:44He fucking saved my life, man.

00:38:46The dude is a saint.

00:38:48Hey!

00:38:49You autographed me.

00:38:50Go!

00:38:51Hey!

00:38:53Uh...

00:38:54Want to get out of here?

00:38:56Yes.

00:38:57Let's.

00:38:59Hope you two had a great night!

00:39:01You're the shit, dude!

00:39:03The shit!

00:39:04Free video.

00:39:05Free video.

00:39:06Free video.

00:39:07Free video.

00:39:08Free video.

00:39:09Free video.

00:39:10Free video.

00:39:11Free video.

00:39:12Free video.

00:39:13Free video.

00:39:14Free video.

00:39:15You work here.

00:39:16Why would you...

00:39:17No, wait.

00:39:18One of your crushes has got...

00:39:19D-Man!

00:39:20What's up, dog?

00:39:21Hi!

00:39:22Hello.

00:39:23Let me see if you're my bro.

00:39:24So, uh, new release day.

00:39:26Talk to me.

00:39:27Any new jizz flicks drop?

00:39:29Everything new's in the back, Scott.

00:39:31Alright, sweet.

00:39:32I'll be back in a sec.

00:39:33Cause it only takes me a minute to sin it.

00:39:35You remember now.

00:39:36Come on.

00:39:37He seems like a power top.

00:39:39You into that?

00:39:40Wiggins?

00:39:41Dude, I'm not fucking up with a dude, dude.

00:39:44Okay, well first of all, if you did, I'm a good enough friend I wouldn't tell anybody.

00:39:48Second of all, all you have to do is give him a little bit of tongue and just...

00:39:51I'm not gonna do it, man!

00:39:52I don't care.

00:39:53Jackson's gonna have to figure this out.

00:39:54I'm not gonna do it.

00:39:55I'll lose the whole bet.

00:39:56I don't care.

00:39:57Hey, what bet you boys talking about?

00:39:58Nothing.

00:39:59Nothing.

00:40:00Alright, fuck it.

00:40:01Well, I got my MMA.

00:40:02I got my porno.

00:40:03I'm ready to jack and jack off right there.

00:40:06You know, hit me.

00:40:07That's pretty literal.

00:40:08Yeah, look.

00:40:09Okay, we got Ben Hur.

00:40:10Citizen Kane.

00:40:11Woodfellas.

00:40:12Deep Impact.

00:40:13Oh, no.

00:40:14Actually, this one's not a porno.

00:40:16Did you know that?

00:40:17I'm a pervert, not an idiot.

00:40:19Scott, man, I can't rent you these.

00:40:22You've had Stopper my mom almost squirt out for two years.

00:40:25Man, well, Dan, you're my brother and you know the last decade's been a bit of a buttf**k

00:40:29for me.

00:40:30You know, my MMA career was going great.

00:40:32Then I got busted from being on the juice and cycled off to lose the titties.

00:40:36And then I started to get my ass kicked real bad and tap out on the dream.

00:40:41Listen, okay, you can rent these, but you've got to bring them back before the store closes.

00:40:45Okay, man?

00:40:46You have my word as a retired man of the cage.

00:40:49I will bring these back safely.

00:40:52Knock on my wood.

00:40:53He's full of those, isn't he?

00:40:56Hey, Denise.

00:40:57Hi.

00:40:58You know what these packages keep getting sent over the video store?

00:41:01Sorry, it's just those guys messing with you, I'm sure.

00:41:03Sure is, motherfucker.

00:41:04Boom, bitch.

00:41:06The canvas says not in my house.

00:41:08Hey, sir, you want to go old-school on this little baby p**sy?

00:41:11Yeah.

00:41:12Hey, guys, come on.

00:41:13No, no, no, no, no.

00:41:14Get moving.

00:41:15Oh, is your foot good?

00:41:16Higher.

00:41:17Higher.

00:41:18Hey.

00:41:19Hey.

00:41:20No wonder you had four girls, you're wearing boxer shorts.

00:41:23B**ches love briefs now.

00:41:25Come on, man.

00:41:26We're going to H&M.

00:41:27We'll buy you something.

00:41:28Clean this shit up, Denise.

00:41:29Yeah, clean that shit up, Denise.

00:41:30Oh, Denton, I'm so sorry.

00:41:32Can you let me help you?

00:41:34Oh, thanks.

00:41:35Oh, you know, Denton, we had homeroom together.

00:41:39That's right, in 11th grade.

00:41:41In 11th grade.

00:41:42Yeah.

00:41:43Yeah.

00:41:44So, um, I'm going to take my 15-minute break now.

00:41:47Oh, yeah, okay.

00:41:48Yeah, and that's just enough time for me to s**t up.

00:41:52What now?

00:41:58Oh, oh.

00:42:00Bring it up.

00:42:01Let's dig deep.

00:42:02Dig it.

00:42:03Dig it.

00:42:04Let's get it.

00:42:05Let's get it, you little b**ches.

00:42:06Come on, Grandpa.

00:42:07Pick it up.

00:42:08Pick it up, Wilfred.

00:42:09You're right.

00:42:11Why don't you hop on a bike, Uncle Jemima?

00:42:12Here we go.

00:42:13Jesus Christ, man.

00:42:14Calm down.

00:42:15What, are you rushing the plugs in the crypts, dude?

00:42:16I'm wearing both colors to signify unity.

00:42:18Oh.

00:42:19That's kind of cool.

00:42:20Come on, Grandpa.

00:42:21You can do it.

00:42:22So, uh, a funny bit of news.

00:42:24I just got surprise fellatio from the receptionist that works at Lucas.

00:42:28Denise Davids?

00:42:29Yes.

00:42:30Oh, s**t.

00:42:31You are so screwed.

00:42:32What?

00:42:33World-class psycho stalker.

00:42:36You know in school when those girls made those origami things to predict who their soulmate

00:42:40was?

00:42:41Yeah.

00:42:42She rigged her.

00:42:43Rigged the f**king thing, dude.

00:42:45Gross.

00:42:46Yeah, she had one of those things where, like, you know when one person loves another person

00:42:51like a lot, but the other person loves the other person more than that?

00:42:55She got a restraining order against her.

00:42:57Okay.

00:42:58Okay.

00:42:59She's nuts for real.

00:43:00She had her dog baptized.

00:43:04Hello?

00:43:12Gotcha.

00:43:13Uh, you reach the voicemail of Denton.

00:43:16Leave a message.

00:43:17Wow.

00:43:21Not convincing.

00:43:22I didn't do a good job at all.

00:43:24No.

00:43:30No one's home.

00:43:31Oh, God.

00:43:32What does that smell?

00:43:33Huh.

00:43:34Zenton, Zenton, Zenton.

00:43:35You've been busy, girl.

00:43:36Hey, Serge.

00:43:37Go wet that bed.

00:43:38Alright.

00:43:39Think the tall fox got it in him?

00:43:40Nah.

00:43:41I'm gonna piss on top.

00:43:42I'm gonna piss on top.

00:43:43What the fuck's going on here?

00:43:44Who the fuck are you?

00:43:45What are you doing here?

00:43:46Tell him what we're doing here.

00:43:47We broke in.

00:43:48Obviously I see you're fucking breaking.

00:43:49Can I talk to you?

00:43:50Can you come here a little bit?

00:43:51Yeah.

00:43:52Are you fucking sure?

00:43:53Whoa, he's got a knife.

00:43:54Yeah.

00:43:55He's got a knife.

00:43:56Yeah.

00:43:57He's got a knife.

00:43:58Yeah.

00:43:59Yeah.

00:44:00Yeah.

00:44:01Yeah.

00:44:02Yeah.

00:44:03Yeah.

00:44:04Yeah.

00:44:05Yeah.

00:44:06Yeah.

00:44:07Yeah.

00:44:08Yeah.

00:44:09Yeah.

00:44:10Whoa, he's got a knife.

00:44:11Yeah, I see that.

00:44:12It's fine.

00:44:13It's fine.

00:44:14Why are you here?

00:44:15I need information about this bet.

00:44:16I want to ruin their lives, alright?

00:44:18I hate Denton.

00:44:19I hate him too.

00:44:20Good, good.

00:44:21Maybe there's a way we both get what we want.

00:44:24Two blue jobs.

00:44:26You're such a much .

00:44:28Here's the deal.

00:44:29I need information about this bet.

00:44:31Every time you find something out, you give me a call, I give you cash.

00:44:40I present to you, Sarah Dawn Samuels.

00:44:51Wow.

00:44:52What is she doing here?

00:44:54Well, auditioning for reality TV all day, only time she has to work out is at night.

00:45:01During my shift.

00:45:03I'm her personal trainer, so to speak.

00:45:06We've spent some time together.

00:45:08Through all that bonding, I've learned her deepest desires and darkest secrets.

00:45:13Her scent is that of a rose garden after midsummer's rain.

00:45:18She's a siren in the water.

00:45:21She calls to me.

00:45:22And only I hold the key to her soul's relaxation.

00:45:26It pains me to betray my lady, but it's for the good of the bet.

00:45:36I hold in my hand her one Achilles heel.

00:45:39Or should I say, Achilles crotch.

00:45:43Whoa!

00:45:44That's a serious pre-op moose knuckle.

00:45:46It looks like a six dollar burger.

00:45:48If it ever gets out, she's ruined.

00:45:50Really, Jackson?

00:45:51We're resorting to blackmail now.

00:45:53Yeah, super.

00:45:54Now we're sexual predators.

00:45:56Sexual predators?

00:45:57What, are we just walking the streets looking for houses with teddy bears in the window

00:46:00to wander into?

00:46:01None of my wildest dreams.

00:46:05Sorry, baby.

00:46:10Just give me a door.

00:46:11Stop!

00:46:12Hi, Sergeant.

00:46:13Stop!

00:46:14Stop it!

00:46:15Let me get it!

00:46:21Bye.

00:46:22Hide your noses.

00:46:24ые

00:46:46Microphone and my briefcase

00:46:47Stepped out the door and fell flat on my face

00:46:50Eyes glazed, I must get blazed

00:46:52Gravity fights me from every which way

00:46:56It might have a mind just raised

00:47:00It's an off day, the sky's all gray

00:47:03But if it rains, you'll find me slimming

00:47:07I've been living in a dream

00:47:09That used to seem so real

00:47:12I used to be a show of Africa

00:47:16Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets

00:47:20I didn't get out of bed for weeks

00:47:22Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:24Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:27Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets

00:47:30I didn't get out of bed for weeks

00:47:32Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:35Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:38Nothing on me

00:47:43On a carpet stand from wall to wall

00:47:51An apartment full of alcohol

00:47:53Sleepwalk around my lonely orbit

00:47:56And the ocean calls and says

00:47:59Find that girl before she's gone

00:48:01She might have a crush but it won't as long as that

00:48:04Hi guys

00:48:04Hey dad, what are you doing up so early?

00:48:17No time for sleep

00:48:18Your stepmother is getting close

00:48:21Oh yeah, she's looking sharp

00:48:25You know, actually, grab a seat

00:48:27I've been meaning to talk to you

00:48:29Everything okay?

00:48:33Yeah, yeah

00:48:34I'm fine

00:48:35So, you in second grade

00:48:39Amanda Morrison

00:48:41Yeah, Amanda

00:48:42You guys have spent a lot of time together this summer

00:48:46Yeah, she's really great

00:48:49You think she'd be okay with this whole bed thing you got going on?

00:48:54What the hell do I know?

00:49:01A guy making a woman out of plastic, right?

00:49:03Give me the glue, will you?

00:49:06Oh, Planet of the Apes

00:49:12No, no, no

00:49:13Planet of the Apes with Marky Mark

00:49:18God, God no

00:49:20Oh, um, Sloth from the Goonie

00:49:28No, no, I'm Harry

00:49:30I'm Harry from Harry and the Hendersons

00:49:32I've never seen it

00:49:34You're kidding me

00:49:35You've never seen Harry and the Hendersons?

00:49:37No

00:49:37God, that was on my favorite VHS tape

00:49:39What are you talking about?

00:49:42Yeah, no, okay

00:49:42When I was growing up, my dad, he made us this VHS tape that had like six movies on it

00:49:47It's made in that super poor person's feed

00:49:49I guess you weren't poor, okay

00:49:50No

00:49:50Well, it had a Last Starfighter, a Flight of Dragons, Beastmaster, Monster Squad, and Harry and the Hendersons

00:49:58Hey, look, um, I've been thinking

00:50:05Summer's almost over

00:50:07And I have had a really great time hanging out with you

00:50:11I know that we are just friends

00:50:15But what if we went

00:50:19What if you and I went out

00:50:21If you wanted

00:50:21What if you and I went

00:50:24On a date?

00:50:26Are you?

00:50:27You are, you're asking me out

00:50:28Are you asking me out on a proper date?

00:50:30What if I was?

00:50:31Oh, I'd really have to do the maths on that

00:50:34I don't know

00:50:35Really think about it

00:50:37Quite frankly, I'm not attracted to you

00:50:39It would be me doing you a favor

00:50:42Really?

00:50:44Were you in a grease fire or something?

00:50:45I don't know

00:50:46Maybe I can change your mind

00:50:52Denton!

00:50:56Where have you been?

00:50:58Grab me some camembert, a handful of those grapes

00:51:00And let's get the hell out of here

00:51:01It's cool

00:51:02We can pick up where we left off later on tonight

00:51:05Tonight?

00:51:07Yeah

00:51:08On our first official date

00:51:11Where?

00:51:14It's a surprise

00:51:15Just pick me up here later after work

00:51:19Okay

00:51:20Okay

00:51:20Ah

00:51:21Well, thanks a lot, man

00:51:30I was just about to kiss her

00:51:31You haven't hooked up with her yet?

00:51:33You've seen her 50 times this summer

00:51:34You're gonna fuck this up

00:51:37How?

00:51:38How?

00:51:39What are you talking about?

00:51:40You're in love with her

00:51:41I am...

00:51:43That is not...

00:51:44How would one know, though, if they were in love?

00:51:50Close your eyes

00:51:51Okay

00:51:52Imagine yourself fucking her

00:51:56Okay

00:51:56Her pants are around her ankles

00:51:58She's bent over the bed

00:51:59It's really hot

00:52:01Her hair's kind of tousled

00:52:02You just blew a load right inside her

00:52:04Epic

00:52:05Okay, alright

00:52:05I mean, you've stained her soul

00:52:07Okay

00:52:07What do you want to do next?

00:52:11I just want to cuddle

00:52:12Fuck!

00:52:15How are you supposed to focus, man

00:52:17When you're all fucking puppy dogs and ice cream upstairs?

00:52:19Where are we going, even?

00:52:22Hey, guy

00:52:23This thing is...

00:52:24This fucking guy's gonna do it

00:52:25He has eight or nine fucking bitches there already

00:52:28Yeah, I'm telling you

00:52:29The guy that has a cock

00:52:31Like a fucking gold cock, man

00:52:33It's very unfortunate news, Bob

00:52:34It's like a fucking broken fire hydrant

00:52:36If you see the kids playing

00:52:37This is fucking

00:52:38Fucking city

00:52:39And if one of the fucking children

00:52:41The mother came

00:52:42She slipped on the

00:52:43Are you okay?

00:52:46Because if you're not okay, I'm not okay

00:52:48He's doing much better than I thought he would

00:52:50I can't lose this bet

00:52:53To that lanky fuck

00:52:54We gotta get serious

00:52:56Real serious

00:52:57Operation derailment serious

00:53:00Denise!

00:53:03Sit down

00:53:04You nervous?

00:53:11No

00:53:12You look nervous

00:53:13Nope

00:53:13She look nervous to you?

00:53:15Definitely looks nervous

00:53:16I'm not nervous

00:53:17I'm gonna cut to the chase

00:53:19We know you know about the bet

00:53:20We know you're one of the girls

00:53:22We know you blew Denton in the lobby

00:53:23There's a video

00:53:24Search, you've seen it

00:53:25It was a sweet fucking BJ

00:53:26Thank you

00:53:28You're welcome

00:53:28Here's what you need to do for me

00:53:30Help me win the bet

00:53:33How do I help you win the bet?

00:53:35I can't un-bill him

00:53:36Well, you're a crazy super stalker, right?

00:53:40You got his passwords and shit

00:53:41It's his social media info, email account, social security number, home phone, home address, parents, phone, parents address

00:53:47I'm gonna stop you right there

00:53:48We actually just need you to log in to one of his email accounts and send an email to Amanda Morrison, alright?

00:53:52Pretend to be Denton

00:53:53Say it's an emergency, I don't give a fuck

00:53:55However you do it

00:53:55Get her over to that garage battle station that they have

00:53:58When she sees what he's really up to

00:54:01She's never gonna talk to him again

00:54:02Let alone fuck him

00:54:03Am I right?

00:54:05And then we got this in the bag

00:54:06Paper or plastic

00:54:07Or bring her own bag and save the environment or something

00:54:12He's just such a good guy

00:54:14I don't feel comfortable, like, messing up his whole thing

00:54:17It's so cute, she thinks she has a choice

00:54:19You're gonna feel comfortable with it or you're gonna be fired

00:54:21Oh

00:54:23Go now, psycho

00:54:26What are you doing?

00:54:28Do my bidding

00:54:28What are you doing?

00:54:31Just get the fuck out of here

00:54:32Okay

00:54:33Get the fuck out of here

00:54:34Go

00:54:35I don't understand you two

00:54:38Yo, did you watch that tape?

00:54:42Oh, yeah

00:54:42Crazy ones can really suck at them, alright?

00:54:44No, I'm going to the psych ward for my next job

00:54:46Ah

00:54:46This is the place

00:55:00Looks like a fucking shithole

00:55:02Wait, Kendra lives here?

00:55:05Yeah

00:55:06And she thinks you're a doctor

00:55:07So, you're gonna want to suit up

00:55:10I'm getting a disease just looking at this place

00:55:13You packing jimmies?

00:55:15No

00:55:15That's okay, I got plenty in the glove

00:55:17Wait a minute, why do you have a water pistol in here?

00:55:23Oh, that's not an ordinary water pistol

00:55:25It's filled with your seed

00:55:26Ah, why do you have a water pistol filled with my seed in here?

00:55:30Oh

00:55:31Well, you know that place you donate sperm?

00:55:33Yeah

00:55:34Well, yeah, I snuck in in the middle of the night

00:55:36And grabbed a bunch of your c**

00:55:37And filled up this water pistol here

00:55:38Why?

00:55:41Well, you know, just in case

00:55:43There were some chicks you couldn't pull down

00:55:45It's a contingency plan

00:55:46Okay

00:55:47You know what?

00:55:47Just give me that back

00:55:48It's my c**

00:55:49I need it

00:55:49You know what?

00:55:50I've got money

00:55:50This is important

00:55:51Can I have my

00:55:51Give me my c** back

00:55:53Gee, sorry

00:55:58You know, I always knew you'd be successful

00:56:02I have great intuition with men

00:56:05Except for the ones that I marry

00:56:08Oh, you got a little one, do you?

00:56:14Hmm

00:56:14Seven

00:56:16No s**t

00:56:17Four boys, three girls

00:56:18But they're with their respected fathers tonight

00:56:21I thought that, uh

00:56:23It'd be nice to give us a little privacy

00:56:25Since you were so kind to take a house call, doctor

00:56:27Doctor

00:56:28Is so formal

00:56:31You know, just call me Denton

00:56:33Just regular old Denton

00:56:34Will do

00:56:34So, uh, what seems to be the

00:56:36Situation

00:56:38Oh, yeah

00:56:39My wrist

00:56:40It's, like, really been giving me trouble

00:56:42It really hurts to think it could be

00:56:45Um

00:56:46Do you think you could help?

00:56:48I do, I do

00:56:49Uh, let's have a

00:56:51Listen to the old

00:56:53Picker

00:56:54Yeah

00:56:59Yes

00:57:00Oh, yeah

00:57:01I've heard this before

00:57:04I'm afraid you have poor circulation

00:57:05And I think you could be in immediate danger

00:57:07Oh my, what should we do?

00:57:09Well, I think we should probably start by getting you out of that tight, restrictive top

00:57:13Yeah, maybe even those tight, tight, tight pants

00:57:16Are you sure?

00:57:18Oh, yes, very sure

00:57:19Very sure

00:57:19It's the first thing we learn in doctor

00:57:21School

00:57:23Oh, that must have been so hard

00:57:26Oh, it was

00:57:27Yes, it certainly was

00:57:28But when you see the look of pure laughter on a baby child's face after a successful brain appointment

00:57:37It makes everything worth it

00:57:39You know that you're doing the Lord's work

00:57:41These hands, I'll tell you, they've seen some stories

00:57:43Denton, it's me

00:57:47Denton, I got here as fast as I could

00:57:52Is your dad okay?

00:57:55Mr. Me, Mr. Me, Mr. Me

00:57:56Damn you, Phil Collins

00:57:58Amanda Morrison is here

00:58:00Ooh

00:58:01Second grade

00:58:02Denton, are you in there?

00:58:04No

00:58:05What are we gonna do?

00:58:07What are we gonna do?

00:58:08Oh, one second

00:58:09I gotta put my pants back on

00:58:10Me too

00:58:11Me too

00:58:12Me too

00:58:13Ah

00:58:14Denton, are you home?

00:58:18Ah

00:58:19Ah

00:58:20Ah

00:58:21What the hell is this?

00:58:31Hmm

00:58:32Hmm

00:58:34No

00:58:34Scott's my fiancé

00:58:36Did you just finish?

00:58:38No, I don't

00:58:38Wait, you have a fiancé?

00:58:41Of course you have a fiancé

00:58:42Kendra

00:58:43I'm home

00:58:43Give me a beer

00:58:44Make sure it's cold as shit from that new fridge, you know

00:58:47Hey, Denton

00:58:51What you doing here, boy?

00:58:52It's great to see you

00:58:53Wait a minute

00:58:54You're not here for them movies, is you?

00:58:56Because

00:58:56I really do need a little more time on those

00:58:59You know

00:58:59But

00:59:00Wait a minute

00:59:02Why is she in her undies?

00:59:05And why does Grandpa have a chubby?

00:59:09Right back in Gibraltar

00:59:12Bang

00:59:12Grandpa, did my woman suck this man's

00:59:16Oh

00:59:17That did real good

00:59:19Thank you

00:59:19Seen it?

00:59:20Elected for a hole, too

00:59:22Oh, his b**** hole?

00:59:24No, no, Scott

00:59:24My b**** hole is unlected today

00:59:27You little adulterer coming into my beautiful home

00:59:29Making my angel eat at your gas station

00:59:32I got some bad, bad news for you, boy

00:59:34Your timing's all sorts of shit

00:59:36Because I'm back on the juice, motherfucker

00:59:39I'm sorry, Doc

00:59:40He's gonna f*** you up

00:59:41Yeah, that's right

00:59:42Scott, Scott, just calm down for just a second

00:59:44Yeah, ooh, what you got, what you got

00:59:46F*** that shit, boy

00:59:48Come on, bring it on

00:59:49Come on, dawg

00:59:51Go your motherf***ing jet, Scott

00:59:53What you gonna do?

00:59:55Shoot me with a water gun?

00:59:57Do not make me pull this trigger

00:59:59Go, Tom

00:59:59Bye

01:00:00You can come on

01:00:09Let it rain with your love

01:00:13Let it rain with your love

01:00:17Wiggins! Dad! You're not gonna believe this.

01:00:20I just hooked up with Kendra and a shot a load into Scott's mouth.

01:00:23What?

01:00:24Well, not technically I didn't shoot.

01:00:25Well, no, no, no, technically I did. It doesn't matter!

01:00:27The point is, I'm about to win this fucking bet!

01:00:32Bet! I'm part of a bet!

01:00:35Look, look, look, look. I can explain.

01:00:38I don't think that needs explanation.

01:00:42This is disgusting! Are you kidding me now?

01:00:45Don't touch me! I'm so freaked out right now.

01:00:48I never want to see you again.

01:00:51Don't say that. Amanda, please don't!

01:01:01Who are you?

01:01:08Yeah, man. Who are you?

01:01:12I've been run out of town

01:01:18Oh, I've been run out of town

01:01:24Heard the big news. You fucked it all up.

01:01:27I gotta admit, for a second there you had me genuinely concerned.

01:01:30Nine girls, one guy. Not bad. I tip my dick to you, sir.

01:01:35You actually came here just to be a dick to me?

01:01:39Listen to me, you quivering pussy. This bet was your shot.

01:01:42I gave it to you on a silver fucking platter.

01:01:44But you, as you do, kept up the family tradition.

01:01:47Failure.

01:01:48Don't I think my family can't take anything else from your family?

01:01:51My dad takes your dad's company.

01:01:53I take this shithole you call a video store

01:01:56and then tomorrow when you lose that bet,

01:01:58I'm gonna make you and daddy homeless.

01:02:00You know why?

01:02:01Cause you and all your little friends

01:02:04you're all a bunch of fucking weirdos.

01:02:06I win, you lose.

01:02:09Suck my dick.

01:02:14See you at the game tomorrow, you can suck my dick.

01:02:20After a walking anime thorn, I catch the dude and I'm like...

01:02:23What the fuck are you doing, man?

01:02:24You look like I'm doing... Jackson?

01:02:26Okay, dude, chill. Clearly you just need to talk about something...

01:02:28Talk about what, Ed?

01:02:29Huh? How you two ruined my life?

01:02:31Dude, you are this close to winning the bet.

01:02:33Don't you dare back out now.

01:02:34I don't fucking care about the bet.

01:02:36I don't care about the bet.

01:02:37I've lost the only person I want to be with.

01:02:43Scott Quaker.

01:02:44No, it's not... I didn't... Goddammit.

01:02:48What? She'll understand, right?

01:02:49We'll just go by her house, explain the situation.

01:02:51She'll get it.

01:02:52She'll understand what, Ed? That she was right?

01:02:54She's part of some stupid bet that my friends got me into.

01:02:57I cannot believe I let you guys convince me to do this.

01:03:03Fuck you.

01:03:04Fuck me.

01:03:05Dude, you sit here all day bitching and moaning about your life and things that happened to you, be it girls or your job. Man, fuck even us.

01:03:15And when shit doesn't go your way, you go on the fucking rag and just bitch about how shit Denton's life is.

01:03:21Back me up on this, Wiggins.

01:03:22I still wet the bed. I can't really talk.

01:03:25Goddamn shame.

01:03:26Are you kidding me how shit my life is?

01:03:29Jackson, when's the last time you hooked up with it, Jack?

01:03:31Well, years. And by the way, your shakes suck.

01:03:33And you, Ed, you are so full of shit.

01:03:36You're this love guru except the only girl you've ever been with. You married.

01:03:41You two have been living vicariously through me.

01:03:43But it's not you who has the shit life. It's me.

01:03:46Get out. Just get out of here. All of you.

01:03:50Take this trash with you.

01:03:58Come on, Wiggins.

01:03:59Wiggins, get out here. Get the fuck out.

01:04:01Wiggins!

01:04:02Wiggins, get the fuck out of here.

01:04:03You've upset Wiggins.

01:04:05Wiggins, go.

01:04:06He's a fucking mess.

01:04:08I'll leave you one. I'll leave you one.

01:04:10Go!

01:04:11Wiggins is my friend now.

01:04:13Get out! Get the fuck back here!

01:04:15Get out!

01:04:26Dad, not you. You don't have to go.

01:04:31I refuse to let the lovely Lady Legos lose her virginity in this debt of sadness.

01:04:37You need to be alone right now anyway, son.

01:04:40You got a lot to think about.

01:04:45You needy in me, out in the heat.

01:05:02Standing on rock, burning our feet.

01:05:03We'll be filthy rich if the damn stuff burns green.

01:05:04Just hurry and me.

01:05:05You needy in me, out in the heat.

01:05:07You needy in me, out in the heat.

01:05:09Out in the heat.

01:05:10I'm standing on rock, burning our feet.

01:05:11We'll be filthy rich if the damn stuff burns green.

01:05:12Just her and me, and a twenty-mule team.

01:05:13We'll be filthy rich if the damn stuff burns green.

01:05:14Standing on rocks, burning our feet

01:05:21We'll be filthy rich if the damn stuff burns green

01:05:29Just her and me and a twenty-mule team

01:05:36And the rocks is a haven

01:05:44Out in the sun we'll be lazy

01:05:51Losing track of the time in the cruel spring

01:06:06Your dad's coming

01:06:10Oh yeah

01:06:11Oh, how'd it go with Lady Lego?

01:06:15It was horrible

01:06:16We all went to the field last night

01:06:19He got butt naked

01:06:20And it's all gathering around her

01:06:22As he mounted her right over there on home plate

01:06:23On first thrust, she exploded into a million pieces

01:06:27He just sat there defeated

01:06:29As his bruised old boner went limp

01:06:32Saddest shit I've ever seen

01:06:34Well, well, well

01:06:37Look at these video fun fucks

01:06:40You guys excited, huh?

01:06:41You like the smell of the field

01:06:43The cut grass

01:06:44The stands full of quivering lady

01:06:46He's waiting for the bee dog to satisfy him

01:06:48God, I wanted to see you guys lose

01:06:52But to see you lose in front of a packed house

01:06:53Life is fucking sweet

01:06:55Like brown sugar on white

01:06:56Oh, hey, look, y'all

01:06:58President and CEO of Goldman Nutsacks

01:07:00Sorry, guys, I don't speak poor person

01:07:02Mary Kay

01:07:03Hey, Ashley

01:07:04You ladies 18 yet?

01:07:07Jackson, I know you're gonna miss this most

01:07:08So really try and enjoy it, okay?

01:07:11Good luck out there, ladies

01:07:12Whoa

01:07:18He almost hit that truck

01:07:20Gentlemen

01:07:31It's been, it's been an honor

01:07:33Serving with you

01:07:35On that battlefield

01:07:36You fought like warrior poets

01:07:39In the days of old

01:07:41But I ask you

01:07:44One last time

01:07:46To fight with me

01:07:48Can you do that?

01:07:51Fight

01:07:52With

01:07:53Me

01:07:54Come on

01:07:55Spit on me

01:07:58I got someone in my mouth

01:08:01Thanks for coming out, folks

01:08:02To the last game of the season

01:08:04It's gonna be a doozy

01:08:05Now that is

01:08:07Jackson Pride

01:08:08What's in it?

01:08:13Jackson Shake Masterpiece

01:08:14The Final Cucked Down

01:08:15That was a good thing

01:08:19There's something I need to talk to you about

01:08:21Oh, yeah?

01:08:22What is that?

01:08:23Balls on chin

01:08:24Dude, I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, man

01:08:27Remember the Tri-County Little League Championships?

01:08:29Yeah

01:08:30Yeah, I could forget

01:08:31You got hit in the face twice in one game

01:08:32Taking those two balls to the chin

01:08:35Was the best thing I ever did

01:08:37What do you mean?

01:08:39Everyone knew I wasn't gonna get on base

01:08:41And if I struck out, which I was going to

01:08:43The game would have been over, right?

01:08:45My only option to get on base

01:08:47Was to get hit by a pitch

01:08:48Wait a minute

01:08:49You did that on purpose?

01:08:50Yeah

01:08:51I had to drink through a straw for three months

01:08:53And it was worth it

01:08:54We won because I didn't accept

01:08:56The shitty hand of cards that fate dealt me

01:08:58I took destiny into my own hands

01:09:00Old man opportunity knocked

01:09:02The sixth grade version of myself

01:09:04Answered the door

01:09:05And then

01:09:06I took his two balls on my chin

01:09:09Hello!

01:09:14Hello!

01:09:15Run! Run! Push your glove!

01:09:17Push your glove!

01:09:19Sleep!

01:09:23It's a lead-off hit!

01:09:26All your mothers

01:09:27All of them

01:09:29You're up, D

01:09:31Let's light this bitch up

01:09:34On your games, boys

01:09:35Now, boys, let's do this

01:09:38Now, Benny

01:09:40That's him, Baker

01:09:42You bitch

01:09:44You know what, Lucas?

01:09:49Oh, do you want some, I say?

01:09:51According to this contract

01:09:52The bet's not over

01:09:53Till the end of the season, right?

01:09:55Yeah

01:09:55Well, there's still eight things

01:09:56Left to win this thing

01:09:57Okay

01:09:59Okay

01:09:59Rejects it

01:09:59Okay

01:10:00Game's not over, boys

01:10:02You're right

01:10:05I have been a pussy

01:10:07I need you

01:10:13To stall this game

01:10:15Oh, my jockstrap is twisted around my balls

01:10:25Oh, come on, delay a game

01:10:27You know, I wanted to wear it like Maris did

01:10:29During his 61 home run season

01:10:31I read that he did that on the back of his baseball card

01:10:35Bullshit, Jackson

01:10:36I'm a bit of a card collector

01:10:38Uh, tops

01:10:39Hey, focus

01:10:41Don't look at him

01:10:42Look at me

01:10:43Upper deck

01:10:43Don't look at me

01:10:44Uh, Fleer

01:10:45Wax packs

01:10:47Where you going?

01:10:48Take a set of balls on the chin

01:10:50What?

01:10:52Wait, is he gay now?

01:10:53No, no, it's a metaphor

01:10:55Uh, Honus Wagner

01:10:56The Honus Wagner card

01:10:57Oh!

01:10:59Delayed game

01:10:59Wayne Gretzky

01:11:00Boom!

01:11:00Oh, God!

01:11:02Oh!

01:11:03It's like a hangman's noose

01:11:04It's my father father

01:11:07Be like he's from Arizona

01:11:10We can spend every winner

01:11:13Holding on to that scene

01:11:16Sarajan's body wheeler

01:11:18No more empty boxes

01:11:20Shave us in

01:11:21Let it be right now

01:11:23And that was The Sneetches

01:11:25By Dr. Seuss

01:11:26Do you guys know what the moral of the story is?

01:11:30The moral of the story

01:11:32Is that there was this one boy sneetch

01:11:34Who was confused

01:11:35What are you doing?

01:11:37There was this girl sneetch

01:11:38Who was amazing

01:11:40And beautiful

01:11:42And funny

01:11:44And confident

01:11:46In who she is

01:11:47And he thought to himself

01:11:49He thought

01:11:49You know what

01:11:49You know what I need?

01:11:51I need

01:11:52I need a couple stars under my belt

01:11:54To really impress this girl

01:11:55Uh, the girl Sneetch

01:11:57So he goes over to his boys in Whoville

01:11:59And he says to them

01:12:00They're like

01:12:01You know what, dude?

01:12:02You need

01:12:02You need to be confident

01:12:03You need to be like

01:12:04Like the cat in the hat

01:12:05So he goes over

01:12:07And he slams some beers

01:12:08With thing one and thing two

01:12:10He hits the town

01:12:10He hooks up with a bunch of chicks

01:12:12But that's not

01:12:14That's not who he is

01:12:16That's not what he's about

01:12:18He's more like the Lorax in reality

01:12:21Planting grickle grass

01:12:25And climbing truncula trees

01:12:27And smoking jeeps with the barblades

01:12:29What are you trying to say?

01:12:33Amanda, I fell in love with you this summer

01:12:35I screwed it up

01:12:39I just

01:12:40I

01:12:40Screwed it up

01:12:41But you need to know

01:12:44That the man that I was

01:12:46When I was with you

01:12:47That's who I really am

01:12:48Yeah, the Sneetch may have

01:12:52Stolen a blind girl's glasses

01:12:53And shot a pistol in dude's mouth

01:12:55That happened

01:12:55That did

01:12:56I'm not asking you for a second chance

01:12:59If this is the last time I get to see you

01:13:02Then I understand

01:13:03But

01:13:03You need to know

01:13:06That from now on

01:13:07I'm going to be

01:13:09Who I really am

01:13:11Who I always was

01:13:13The Sneetch knows where his real star is

01:13:18Okay

01:13:22Okay

01:13:26I'm so alone

01:13:33How you doing boys

01:13:39Good man

01:13:40Bottom of nine

01:13:41All tied up

01:13:42How'd it go?

01:13:45Um

01:13:45Not uh

01:13:47Not the smoothest actually

01:13:48At least I came clean to her

01:13:50Yeah

01:13:52Well you're a

01:13:53Better man for it

01:13:54And all that

01:13:55Right

01:13:55You're up D

01:13:57Here we go

01:13:58Here we go

01:13:59Big D

01:14:00Here we go

01:14:02Moving back

01:14:03Here we go

01:14:04Big head

01:14:05Big head

01:14:05Let's go

01:14:08Dead man walking

01:14:09Everyone's getting fucked in the ass

01:14:14I'm going to fuck so many bitches in your house

01:14:17It's going to be disgusting

01:14:18Every single one of these fucks

01:14:20Yeah your old bedroom

01:14:22It's going to be painted in my

01:14:23Time out

01:14:27Are you

01:14:33Hey

01:14:35Hi

01:14:36Denton did you really mean what you said?

01:14:41It's the most honest I've been all summer

01:14:43This is bullshit

01:14:44Is this bet really that important to you?

01:14:47No

01:14:47Come on

01:14:48It's not as important as being with you

01:14:50Let's play ball

01:14:53Oh

01:14:57Oh

01:15:01Oh

01:15:02Oh

01:15:03Oh

01:15:04Oh

01:15:05Oh

01:15:06Not a full on Louisville chubber

01:15:08Me too

01:15:09Now go with this game

01:15:13Hey

01:15:18Amanda

01:15:19Hi

01:15:20Amanda Morrison

01:15:21Yeah

01:15:22I'm Denise Davids

01:15:23You don't know me

01:15:24Listen

01:15:24I'm not going to hurt you

01:15:26Okay

01:15:26I do have to show you something

01:15:28Right now

01:15:29It's important

01:15:30You may not like it

01:15:32But you might

01:15:33Here we go

01:15:35D

01:15:35Knock his cock right off of his body

01:15:37We want pain

01:15:38We want to see blood

01:15:39Here we go

01:15:39All right

01:15:40Ten ten fingers

01:15:41See what you got

01:15:42This one's for you daddy

01:15:47Oh

01:15:48I'm so proud

01:15:49Here we go D

01:15:50Right in this pussy

01:15:52Here we go

01:15:53Here we go

01:15:54Big head

01:15:54You always made me proud

01:15:58And you know what

01:15:59Your mom always proud too

01:16:01Big head

01:16:02Big head

01:16:03Big head

01:16:04Big head

01:16:05Big head

01:16:06Big head

01:16:07Big head

01:16:08Big head

01:16:09Big head

01:16:10Big head

01:16:11Yo B we got a problem dog

01:16:12No now sir shut up

01:16:13Last night's movie leaked

01:16:14Are you shitting me

01:16:16Is this train going to Paris?

01:16:19Why indeed it is ma'am

01:16:21All aboard

01:16:22Next up

01:16:23The Eiffel Tower

01:16:24I love the correct thing

01:16:26Well then you are in luck ma'am

01:16:28Because we have two

01:16:29Oh

01:16:30Oh

01:16:31Oh

01:16:32Get a move it

01:16:33Oh my god

01:16:35Ah

01:16:36Ah

01:16:37Ah

01:16:38Ah

01:16:39Ah

01:16:40Ah

01:16:41Ah

01:16:42Ah

01:16:43Ah

01:16:44Ah

01:16:45Ah

01:16:46Ah

01:16:47Ah

01:16:48Ah

01:16:49Ah

01:16:50Ah

01:16:51Ah

01:16:52Ah

01:16:53Ah

01:16:54Ah

01:16:55Ah

01:16:56Ah

01:16:57Ah

01:16:58Ah

01:16:59Ah

01:17:00Ah

01:17:01Ah

01:17:02Ah

01:17:03Ah

01:17:04Ah

01:17:05Ah

01:17:06Ah

01:17:07Ah

01:17:08Ah

01:17:09Ah

01:17:10Ah

01:17:11Ah

01:17:12Ah

01:17:13Ah

01:17:14Ah

01:17:15Ah

01:17:16Ah

01:17:17Ah

01:17:18Ah

01:17:19Ah

01:17:20Ah

01:17:21Ah

01:17:22Ah

01:17:23Ah

01:17:24Ah

01:17:25Ah

01:17:26Fuck what you stand for!

01:17:48Fuck everything that you like!

01:17:51Yes!

01:17:52Yes!

01:17:54Yes!

01:17:55Yes!

01:17:55We fucking...

01:17:56You little son of a bitch!

01:17:58Shut the fuck up, old man!

01:18:01You know what, Jackson?

01:18:02You can have the game!

01:18:03You'll never play in this league again!

01:18:05Denton lost the fucking bet!

01:18:07Actually, Lucas, no, he didn't.

01:18:09You're bitch 11.

01:18:10He's still one bit shy.

01:18:11That means your house is mine,

01:18:13and I'm gonna burn it to the goddamn ground

01:18:14right after I take a huge shittin'.

01:18:18Denise, I think you have one more text message to send.

01:18:22What?

01:18:22For our next motion picture,

01:18:35the Pole Hill Express.

01:18:40Is this train going to the South Pole?

01:18:42Uh, it isn't, ma'am,

01:18:44but you can go south on my pole.

01:18:47Oh, let me slide on down.

01:18:48Oh!

01:18:49Oh, it's fancy!

01:18:50Low down, low down.

01:18:52Oh, it's warm.

01:18:52Speed up!

01:18:53Oh, that's nice!

01:18:54Oh, that's a lot of eggnog!

01:18:56You're welcome.

01:18:57Merry Christmas to you.

01:18:58Twelve girls in one summer.

01:19:03Damn!

01:19:05Now, as my first official act

01:19:06as the new CEO of Mr. B's gourmet condoms,

01:19:11Mr. Lucas,

01:19:12you're fucking fired.

01:19:13Oh!

01:19:14Brandon, you are super fucking fired.

01:19:18What the hell is going on?

01:19:20Huh?

01:19:20A contract

01:19:21signed by Brandon himself.

01:19:26Daddy, I can explain.

01:19:28It's, it's...

01:19:28God damn fucking moron!

01:19:33I'm sorry, Dad!

01:19:34You're greedy little shit!

01:19:35I'm sorry!

01:19:35I was trying!

01:19:36You're shit as fuck!

01:19:37Yeah, that's right.

01:19:38You guys can suck our black d***s.

01:19:41Yeah, man.

01:19:42You can suck all our black d***s.

01:19:44That's right, boy.

01:19:45Now, as my second official act

01:19:47as the CEO,

01:19:48I intend to return the company

01:19:49back to its original owner

01:19:51and creator.

01:19:52The world's greatest inventor!

01:19:55My dad!

01:19:56Me?

01:19:57Yes.

01:19:57You're giving it to me?

01:19:58Yes.

01:19:59Me?

01:19:59Yes.

01:19:59Oh my god!

01:20:01I kind of have a theme

01:20:02for inventors.

01:20:06And you.

01:20:07Yeah.

01:20:08But, but,

01:20:09there's still something

01:20:10to tell you.

01:20:13Boom!

01:20:14Oh!

01:20:14That's right, Brandon.

01:20:17We throw low round here.

01:20:19Boom!

01:20:21Dang jimmies on these bitches!

01:20:23Get them up!

01:20:24Throw them up!

01:20:26On them!

01:20:27Get on them!

01:20:28Look, Amanda,

01:20:29about these last couple of months...

01:20:31Screw your past.

01:20:39Besides,

01:20:39I still haven't told you

01:20:41about my summer.

01:20:43What?

01:20:43Sayin' ain't nobody

01:20:45can stop me.

01:20:45They better sit back

01:20:46and watch me.

01:20:47For really, though.

01:20:48These niggas are silly, though.

01:20:49They think that I'm flopping.

01:20:50No, this isn't Kinko's.

01:20:52You cannot make copies.

01:20:53And just cause you're a dick

01:20:54gives you no right to be cocky.

01:20:55Feelin' like I'm holy, though.

01:20:57Flowin' like it's snowin'.

01:20:58Me and 4-5 of the homies.

01:20:59Girls actin' like

01:21:00they know me.

01:21:00Come on, rolly, though.

01:21:01Well, this is just the life

01:21:03of knowin' you the shit.

01:21:04And I don't think

01:21:05I'm ever gonna quit.

01:21:06Nah.

01:21:07Party at my place.

01:21:09We gon' be faded.

01:21:10It's gon' be fun.

01:21:11You're all invited.

01:21:13And I'ma bring my friends.

01:21:14We'll have a good time

01:21:15under the sun.

01:21:16We'll have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

01:21:22We'll have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

01:21:27This is sober, fuckin' weirdo.

01:21:29Game head's hero.

01:21:30Make it white, buddy.

01:21:31I call it that Rob DeZero.

01:21:33Young cuz, known to make you buzz, disappear.

01:21:36Want this song?

01:21:37I drop your followers a zero.

01:21:39Hey, yo, doggie dooter.

01:21:40Did you really think that you could do-do-do-do anything as good as me?

01:21:43You need a shrink, yo.

01:21:44You're as good as me?

01:21:45No.

01:21:45If you really think so, you must really think so.

01:21:48No, do not.

01:21:49These girls is on my dock around the clock.

01:21:51Cause I'm probably hot.

01:21:52I could make a fuckin' country song.

01:21:53It'll probably pop.

01:21:54Hey, yo, Taylor.

01:21:55I'd really love to nail her.

01:21:57I could rock the boat if she let me be her sailor.

01:21:59Ah, geez.

01:22:00I love the Chuck D.

01:22:01Shark B.

01:22:02So let me get this straight.

01:22:03You owned the company.

01:22:05Yeah.

01:22:06You stole the company.

01:22:07Yeah.

01:22:08You won it back because your son won a bet where you had to sleep with 12 girls in the summer?

01:22:14The whole summer.

01:22:16You nailed it.

01:22:18Huh.

01:22:22Gluten-free.

01:22:24Gluten-free.

01:22:25Snick, Snick, Snicky Beats.

01:22:42Snick, Snick, Snick, Snicky Beats.

01:22:46Snick, Snick, Snick, Snicky Beats.

01:23:16Slinky bitch

01:23:17Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:20I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:22Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:23I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:25Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:27I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:29Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:31I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:33Blow a cum bubble for me

01:23:36You do not know what this is

01:23:39This is why you do not swallow my cum

01:23:42But you take it

01:23:44To the front of your mouth

01:23:46And pucker your lips

01:23:48And blow a bubble

01:23:50Use your imagination

01:23:52Yes, yes, very good

01:23:54Uh, uh, uh, uh

01:23:56There goes my calm bubble

01:23:57Snick, sick, sneaky bitch

01:23:59Slinky bitch

01:24:01Snick, sick, sneaky bitch

01:24:03Slinky bitch

01:24:05Snick, sick, sneaky bitch

01:24:07Slinky bitch

01:24:08Snick, sick, sneaky bitch

01:24:10Slinky bitch

01:24:12I hold these truths to be self-evident

01:24:18I only put dead presidents

01:24:20Where dookie's sentiment

01:24:21Is resident

01:24:23In your butthole, bitch

01:24:26I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:27With the dollar in her butt

01:24:29The dollar in her what?

01:24:31With the dollar in her butt

01:24:32I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:34With the dollar in her butt

01:24:36The dollar in her butt

01:24:37With the dollar in her butt

01:24:39Sorry, George Washington

01:24:40Bout that dookie on your chin

01:24:42But came out chubby spot

01:24:44You know I had to put you in

01:24:45Deep into the dookie hole

01:24:47Watch it sliding down that pole

01:24:49How it look

01:24:50No disease

01:24:50Oh, let's go pop those cherry trees

01:24:52I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:53With the Lincoln where it's stinking

01:24:55With the Lincoln and a stink

01:24:57No, I'm talking about the pink

01:24:58I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:00With the Lincoln where it's stinking

01:25:01With the Lincoln and a stink

01:25:03No, I'm talking about a pink

01:25:05About a pink

01:25:05Hold that nose, you be brave

01:25:08Fuck that poop

01:25:09Where's the scoop?

01:25:09You gotta look

01:25:10Touch the shade

01:25:11Get his book

01:25:12Sure got hairy

01:25:13North and south is super scary

01:25:14See that butthole you be wearing

01:25:16John was spooky derriere

01:25:18I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:19With Ben Frank and a stink

01:25:21You put a Benji in her stink

01:25:23My baby poops back

01:25:24I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:26With Ben Frank and a stink

01:25:27You put a Benji in her stink

01:25:29My baby poops back

01:25:31Damn homies, you're gonna go broke

01:25:36Come on Ben, shit me out of luck

01:25:39The 4th time on the emissions

01:25:51No, I'm not going to go !

01:25:53In the차�ni fu皆さん

01:25:54No, I don't know

01:25:55No, I don't know

01:25:55They go on their ersten

01:25:57You were planning to take a short

01:25:59Su pito es fuerte como un arma

01:26:03Cuando dispara su arma

01:26:07Se va a bañar en mecos fuerte

01:26:11Este vato es muy macho

01:26:14Este vato es muy macho

01:26:18Este vato es muy macho

01:26:22Es realmente una mujer

01:26:29Este vato es muy macho

01:26:44Este vato es muy macho

01:26:48Este vato es muy macho

01:26:52Es realmente una mujer

01:27:07¡Gracias!

01:27:09¡Gracias!

01:27:10¡Gracias!

01:27:11¡Gracias!

01:27:12¡Gracias!

01:27:14¡Gracias!

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