Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels is cult horror-comedy film that blends campy humor with undead mayhem. Set in a small beach town, the story revolves around a group of leather-clad zombies who emerge after a mad scientist’s experimental hot wax goes wrong. As the infected bikers wreak havoc, a group of quirky locals must band together to stop the gooey, motorcycle-riding undead menace. The film is known for its low-budget charm, outrageous plot, and offbeat characters.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Yikes! I gotta get out of here!
00:00:30I'm the only one left! I've got to keep my body hair!
00:00:38Shit!
00:00:43That woman's a monster! Gotta warn the others!
00:01:00Screw the others!
00:01:14Move away from the vehicle! Put your hands in the air! Support the NRA! Vote Republican! Always use a condom! Eat pork! Don't forget to call your mother!
00:01:44I love the feel of silk on bare skin!
00:02:09No more pesky!
00:02:13Body hair!
00:02:21On to the next unsuspecting...
00:02:24Let's go!
00:02:26Let's go!
00:02:28So you're up everywhere!
00:02:32Those are hot black zombies!
00:02:34We're almost there!
00:02:36With the hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:40Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:44Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:48Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:52Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:54Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:56Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:02:58It's so damn good!
00:03:00Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:03:02I just love it here in Dainport!
00:03:04Nothing ever happens here!
00:03:06Hot black zombies on wheels!
00:03:10Hot black noi!
00:03:12The Goloch! You're on!
00:03:24The Goloch!
00:03:54The Goloch!
00:03:56You have your sunshine!
00:04:02So damn good!
00:04:04That's pretty good for biking with your best friend's girl!
00:04:14Lacey!
00:04:15You're on! The Goloch the house!
00:04:17See you in my mirror!
00:04:24Take it off my head!
00:04:30It's not my problem!
00:04:34With you to see!
00:04:36Oh, it's not my problem!
00:04:40You can use a little fixing off!
00:04:44But it'll do!
00:04:46Shh! Martin!
00:04:48Someone's coming!
00:04:50Oh, Vikings rule!
00:04:54At least I could spell, unlike certain barbers!
00:04:58Star quarterbacks don't have to spell!
00:05:00You're right! They just have to make passes!
00:05:02At the homecoming queen!
00:05:04No truer love than me and Mick!
00:05:06And what about you, shy guy?
00:05:08Hey, I'm pacing myself!
00:05:10Oh, okay!
00:05:12Martin!
00:05:14Find out how they feel about epilatories!
00:05:16Suppositories?
00:05:18Ow!
00:05:19Oohh!
00:05:20Oh!
00:05:21Ah!
00:05:22Yeah!
00:05:23Oh, oh!
00:05:24Oh, oh!
00:05:25Oh, oh!
00:05:28Oh!
00:05:32Baby, oh, baby!
00:05:33Faster, faster, faster!
00:05:34Get it in!
00:05:36Oh!
00:05:37Oh!
00:05:38Oh!
00:05:39Oh!
00:05:40Oh!
00:05:41Oh!
00:05:42Oh!
00:05:43Oh!
00:05:44Jerby!
00:05:45Oh!
00:05:46Oh!
00:05:47Morning, captains.
00:05:48It's been.
00:05:49Showerin'?
00:05:50It's a nice day?
00:05:51Yeah.
00:05:53What do you reckon the weather will be like tomorrow, Captain Obadiah?
00:05:57Poorly.
00:05:58There's an evil wind a-blowin'.
00:05:59An evil wind...
00:06:01West?
00:06:01Northwest.
00:06:03The old sharp bait is north but northwest.
00:06:05Don't you go tellin' me the wind direction.
00:06:07I know these seas like the back of my hand.
00:06:09You ain't seen that clear like in 20 years.
00:06:12What do you mean by evil wind, captain?
00:06:14Oh, he's right about that, backcracky.
00:06:16Evile it is.
00:06:17Evil how?
00:06:19When the sky burns cold, the raven barks.
00:06:22Aye, the albatross dances with the whale.
00:06:25Aye.
00:06:42Oh, you're still determined to leave.
00:06:44Nothing ever happens here.
00:06:45I don't know what I was thinking.
00:06:47Trying to make it as a manicurist in this town?
00:06:49And so that means you're gonna go to...
00:06:51Well, I'm gonna go somewhere where they can appreciate a good manicure, a great foot massage,
00:06:55and an outstanding lacquer selection, Orlando, Florida.
00:07:00Well, I'm gonna miss you.
00:07:01Well, I'm gonna miss you, Ruby.
00:07:01Well, I'm gonna miss you, Ruby.
00:07:02And I'm gonna miss you, Ruby.
00:07:03I'm gonna miss you.
00:07:03Oh, tell me what you did, baby.
00:07:05Oh, look, Mama.
00:07:06Oh, look.
00:07:07What is your name?
00:07:08It's a good food, baby.
00:07:09Oh, I'm gonna miss you.
00:07:10I'm gonna miss you, Bjorn and Miss.
00:07:11I don't miss you.
00:07:12Oh, I'm gonna miss you.
00:07:13What is your name?
00:07:14Yeah.
00:07:15Old. Queers, probably. You know, gay. Opening a beauty salon.
00:07:21Mmm, good. Maybe I can get a decent haircut. Nick.
00:07:25Ooh. Take that back, you sultry bitch. Or I'll blow you filly.
00:07:30Oh, I better get out.
00:07:32When are you gonna get out of ladies' underwear, Sharon?
00:07:35Oh, you know me, Frank. I don't do cheap jokes.
00:07:45And now for another swinging hit for you single ladies over 40 waiting for the tuna fleet.
00:07:56Oh, baby.
00:08:00I just keep getting out of here. You got me all wrapped around the axle.
00:08:04I'm out.
00:08:11Neither rain, nor sleep, nor a darker night.
00:08:15Sorry.
00:08:17It's all right. That's what the shop's about. Sort of.
00:08:20Hadn't you better finish your rounds, Ken?
00:08:22Yeah, I guess so.
00:08:25Sorry, baby.
00:08:27Wish I could stay.
00:08:29All right.
00:08:34Bye.
00:08:35Oh, the mail. I forgot the mail almost.
00:08:38I'll see you, baby. Bye.
00:08:41He's new.
00:08:43Wow, you're a sucker for a man in uniform, Carrie.
00:08:46Oh, I'm a sucker for a man, period.
00:08:49I've noticed you're not at a loss for suitors.
00:08:52Mick?
00:08:53Mick's okay. Sven's the real guy.
00:08:55And he's interested.
00:08:56Sven's my pal. Nothing more.
00:09:01Hi, Ted.
00:09:02Hi, Sharon.
00:09:03Um, Pilar's got a birthday coming up real soon.
00:09:05I thought I'd give her something pretty.
00:09:06Great. Well, I've got just the thing.
00:09:08This is soft. It's beautiful. It's pretty. It's warm. It's soft.
00:09:11Just a thing for winter.
00:09:14I was thinking of something, you know, more something...
00:09:18Sexier?
00:09:19Oh, gee, Ted, I didn't think you went in for that sort of thing, but, uh...
00:09:23You old W.
00:09:24Not that old, Carrie.
00:09:26That was a hit.
00:09:27You might get the picture.
00:09:28How about this?
00:09:29More of what you had in mind? It's what I wear.
00:09:32Yeah, I like that. Yeah.
00:09:35And the size?
00:09:36Mrs. Lewis is a size 18, Carrie.
00:09:39I see.
00:09:40In a box, please.
00:09:47That'll be $35, Ted.
00:09:49Oh, I love the feel of silk on bear skin. Don't you?
00:10:10Can I help you?
00:10:11I said, don't you?
00:10:13Um, sure. All, all, all, all, all women do.
00:10:19Um, I didn't hear you come in.
00:10:21Well, you better step on me.
00:10:24Cause I got something for you.
00:10:26Just take a good look at me.
00:10:28Cause I'm doing improved, you see.
00:10:30Now seems like a real good job.
00:10:33Think I'll start coming with it?
00:10:35Hey!
00:10:37You!
00:10:39Me!
00:10:40This won't hinder you much longer.
00:10:42We'll take care of it.
00:10:43Weren't you leaving, Ted?
00:10:46Well, that'd be all.
00:10:48I want to see your underwear.
00:10:52I beg your pardon me.
00:10:54And, too.
00:10:55I want to see your leather g-strings,
00:10:57your split panties, your cut-out bras,
00:11:00whatever you have with metal studs.
00:11:03Um, well, I'm afraid this is as risque as we get.
00:11:10What's my ticket pay?
00:11:13Ha!
00:11:14I'll just take the gown.
00:11:16Will that be charge or?
00:11:17It'll be cash.
00:11:18That'll be 395.
00:11:20Ah, to them.
00:11:24I suggest you invest in some recreational underwear,
00:11:28Miss Talbot.
00:11:30You're going to need it.
00:11:33I think these people are ready for our wax.
00:11:36Who's Max?
00:11:37Ow!
00:11:38I-I didn't hear them come in.
00:11:40Did you hear them come in?
00:11:43Ted.
00:11:44Ted, I'm asking you a question.
00:11:47I can't wait to pump her... guess.
00:11:52Your self-serve, Ted.
00:11:57Weird, huh?
00:11:59Weren't they sort of...
00:12:01unnaturally shiny?
00:12:04I need some fresh air.
00:12:11Remember, city council meeting in the fish locker at 6 o'clock.
00:12:15And further, Mr. Maynor, I moved for a no-growth ordinance until we discover just one effect the desecration of our water off of our coast will have.
00:12:28Mr. Hutchin-Ryther, we have the most modern war treatment, the most stringent environmental controls on the offshore waters, as well as the harbor. Surely you know...
00:12:36You have no idea what's going on out there. The new deviations, the monsters, even now she's riding in to take us over.
00:12:46How absurd, Daneport.
00:12:48I move, we wait and see. Seconded.
00:12:52Seconded.
00:12:53Thank you, Bancroft. You may sit down now.
00:12:57Any more business?
00:13:02My business license?
00:13:06And who might you be?
00:13:08Yvonne Wayne.
00:13:11I'm renovating the old Augusta House and opening up a waxing salon.
00:13:16Now, just a second, little lady. You never said anything about wax.
00:13:20You never said anything about wax.
00:13:22Ted's self-serve is fully equipped with a full line of...
00:13:25You're terrible for Ted.
00:13:28Hair removal. A salon to remove...
00:13:32I see. Well, Pilar could stand to lose some hair, I guess.
00:13:36So could you.
00:13:38I think it's unnatural. Bad for the complexion. Bad for the whole human machine.
00:13:44Nothing like the wife that left to give a man's sense if they come ashore.
00:13:47Are you peppy?
00:13:49Wait a minute!
00:13:50I have some questions.
00:13:53I'm a reporter, Ms. Wayne.
00:13:55It's in my instincts.
00:13:57I know a few things.
00:14:00How lucky for you.
00:14:02How do we know these people are qualified?
00:14:04Don't you have to have a beautician's license from the state before you can go off opening up some hoxy-toxy wax salon?
00:14:11Just where is that in his way?
00:14:14Well, certainly, Mr. Miller. I have all the appropriate paperwork. Would you care to see it?
00:14:20Come on, let's do this out!
00:14:25License!
00:14:27License!
00:14:28License!
00:14:29License!
00:14:30License!
00:14:31License!
00:14:32License!
00:14:33License!
00:14:34Wait a minute!
00:14:35Majority rule, Sharon.
00:14:36Seconded!
00:14:37Seconded!
00:14:38Seconded!
00:14:39Seconded!
00:14:40Majority!
00:14:41Captain!
00:14:42What was it you were saying about an evil wind?
00:14:54An evil wind is one that'll turn you into any minute. It'll make your hair stand on it.
00:15:00Shiver your chambers, furl the topsail, and kill all the bosom.
00:15:04An evil wind will put the nizzen in the rhino as long as it takes to blink.
00:15:09Oh.
00:15:11That makes sense.
00:15:12Thanks.
00:15:15Um, captains, I know I shouldn't ask this, but, uh, what are you whittling?
00:15:19You.
00:15:20Me?
00:15:21No, you!
00:15:22Ah!
00:15:23Aye!
00:15:25Oh, you!
00:15:27Y-E-W, the tree!
00:15:28Aye, you!
00:15:30Oh, I was reading an article about the Pacific you just the other day.
00:15:33It has all sorts of curative powers, like asthma, cancer, you name it.
00:15:36Aye, and it'll take the barnacles off your stem.
00:15:39And the woodworm off your stern.
00:15:40Like to smoke it.
00:15:41Like mine with milk.
00:15:43Give her a try.
00:15:45You never know when you might need it.
00:15:49Think we confused her with all this nautical talk?
00:15:52I suppose so.
00:15:54Reckon that's what it's all about, being an old salt.
00:15:57Old tar properly, it's an old tar.
00:15:59I know what I am, Zebediah, you old fool.
00:16:01I've been expecting you, Mr. Miller.
00:16:10How did you get this place fixed up so fast?
00:16:11I know my subcontractors, like the back of my brassiere cup.
00:16:15Like the back of your.. your.. berth, hold on.
00:16:17I want to talk to you about your.. business?
00:16:32like the back of my brassiere coat.
00:16:35Like the back of your... your bra...
00:16:38Hold on.
00:16:39I want to talk to you about your...
00:16:42business, because, frankly,
00:16:44this kind of establishment is something we in Dainport
00:16:47associate with fruits and Europeans,
00:16:49and we don't... don't have that sort around here.
00:16:56Not at all, Mr. Miller.
00:16:58You've got it all wrong.
00:17:00Mom, let me show you.
00:17:04So, I told Jane I said,
00:17:07so what if he's 15 years younger than she is?
00:17:09If he makes her happy, that's what counts.
00:17:12Well, so long as the kid's parents and the police don't find out.
00:17:15So what are you doing this afternoon?
00:17:17Oh, I thought I'd try that new salon.
00:17:19Maybe get myself done.
00:17:21Who knows? Maybe some 17-year-old stud
00:17:23will get the hots for me.
00:17:25Mom, you want some young thing?
00:17:29Let me know how it goes, okay?
00:17:30With the salon or the stud?
00:17:32The salon.
00:17:34You know, I met that Yvonne Wayne the other day.
00:17:37She seemed a little weird.
00:17:39Yeah, weird like Bancroft Hutch and Reuter weird,
00:17:42or weird like body snatchers.
00:17:44Well, just don't let them turn you into a sex maniac or anything, okay?
00:17:48Oh, and I thought it was the widows like me who were supposed to be the prudes.
00:17:55I don't know.
00:17:56Just seems a little wacko.
00:17:58Afraid of the competition, are you?
00:18:00We don't do less.
00:18:01Then what's the beef?
00:18:03I don't get it.
00:18:05I mean, why bring this kind of business to Dainport?
00:18:07I think people in big cities in Europe get that kind of treatment.
00:18:12Holy shit.
00:18:13What?
00:18:17Wayne's D-D-D-D-D-D-Depilation.
00:18:19Right.
00:18:19Yeah. A full-page ad? What's gotten into Frank anyway? He's never taken out a full-page ad in his life.
00:18:24Where is he anyway? Has anyone seen him?
00:18:29Wayne's Waxing Salon announces its opening giveaway. One free body wax with this ad.
00:18:34Do away with pesky body hair for six months.
00:18:38Be more attractive to the opposite sex.
00:18:42Swim faster. Experience lovemaking as it should be. Smooth and hairless.
00:18:47Then what's the beef?
00:18:50It's good for six months.
00:18:53I mean, if it's good for six months, how can they stay in business?
00:18:57Wait for the tuna fleet?
00:19:00When I break up puberty.
00:19:08Thinking about getting a wax there, Matt?
00:19:10Me? Never. Car? Maybe.
00:19:17Oh. Oh, this is lovely.
00:19:23See? Told you I wasn't haunted.
00:19:40But my Uncle Hernando said it was a place of evil.
00:19:44Well, your Uncle Hernando's been at sea too long.
00:19:54Pile up.
00:19:55Frank.
00:19:56I feel a silk on bare skin.
00:20:00You do?
00:20:01Got any silk jock socks?
00:20:03A jock?
00:20:07Something roomy.
00:20:09Roomy.
00:20:10Like a studio or like a mansion?
00:20:15That was a joke.
00:20:17Um, no.
00:20:19No.
00:20:19Uh, no jock, silk.
00:20:21Otherwise, none.
00:20:23I hardly even recognized him.
00:20:27He looked like a waxed apple having a bad hair day.
00:20:31He has undergone rejuvenation at the Hot Wax Palace.
00:20:34Well, what all they do to him?
00:20:36Made him a man.
00:20:37Really?
00:20:38Ew.
00:20:41Well, you went there.
00:20:43What was it like?
00:20:46Mom?
00:20:48Mom?
00:20:49Are you okay?
00:20:50The salon.
00:20:51What was it like?
00:20:53Why do you ask?
00:20:55Oh, come on.
00:20:55A salon in Daneport?
00:20:58A place like that reminds me of a beauty parlor for dogs.
00:21:01You take in a shaggy mutt, you come out with a clipped pooch with a bow and a tip and one
00:21:05on its head smelling like a French whorehouse.
00:21:07I mean, what do they do to you?
00:21:08Do they do the whole, like, body massage and makeup deal?
00:21:13Hmm?
00:21:14They get rid of all that pesky body hair.
00:21:18It was the most liberating experience of my life.
00:21:23God, I need a man.
00:21:25Ain't that the truth?
00:21:26Got tons of stuff that needs to be taken care of around here, and Mick, getting him to help
00:21:30out is next to impossible.
00:21:32Ah!
00:21:34What?
00:21:35All that hair!
00:21:37Why don't you do something?
00:21:39I'm shaving it.
00:21:40That's not enough!
00:21:42Oh!
00:21:43Oh!
00:21:46Mom?
00:21:48Mom!
00:21:54Yeah, you're pretty handy with that knife.
00:21:56Amazing.
00:21:57That is my professional now.
00:21:58Being amazing.
00:21:59Oh.
00:22:03Hey, babe.
00:22:04You okay?
00:22:06Babe.
00:22:07Oh, no.
00:22:07Oh, no.
00:22:08Man, that's gotta hurt.
00:22:28Not if you know what you're doing.
00:22:29What's the matter?
00:22:44My mother.
00:22:46She went into that new salon today.
00:22:48And they must have, I don't know, given her weird pills or something.
00:22:52It takes women days to adjust to a new dude.
00:22:55Oh, okay, Mickey.
00:22:56Well, how does that explain Frank Miller, huh?
00:22:59He's gone weird, too.
00:23:04Let's eat.
00:23:05All right.
00:23:29Okay, and I'm...
00:23:38So, wait, what's your teeth?
00:23:39A lot of...
00:23:40Yeah, there, right.
00:23:41My turn, right?
00:23:41My turn?
00:23:42Yeah, it's your turn.
00:23:43Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:23:43You've been getting lucky all night.
00:23:45I'm just good, actually.
00:23:47You're fucking right.
00:23:52No, Mick, you're over here.
00:23:53No, I'm right there.
00:23:54Mick, you're over here.
00:23:55No, you're over here.
00:23:55All right, you're over here.
00:23:59Raccoons?
00:24:00Who knows?
00:24:01Come on.
00:24:05Hey, guys.
00:24:07Guys!
00:24:07Guys!
00:24:07All right.
00:24:22Who knows?
00:24:25I'm okay.
00:24:26Oh, my God.
00:24:27Oh, my God.
00:24:28I'm okay.
00:24:29You can see me.
00:24:304!
00:24:56Ah!
00:24:57Happy Friday! You must die! You must die!
00:25:02Bapstain Friday! Bapstain! Bapstain!
00:25:06Gosh, can't I all just, like, get along?
00:25:08I think somebody doesn't like us.
00:25:10Ah! Jesus, Sharon!
00:25:12What the hell is that? Now, that's scary.
00:25:15High-tech raccoons. Elaborate practical joke.
00:25:18Hanged in effigy? You must have really botched a flat top.
00:25:22Well, let's see who put our garrulous friend here to bed.
00:25:25Yeah.
00:25:25You must die, Bapstain Friday!
00:25:29It's cool. I always wanted one of these.
00:25:30You must die! You must die, Bapstain!
00:25:55And don't forget to wax my throttle.
00:26:00You must die, Bapstain Friday!
00:26:04You must die, Bapstain Friday!
00:26:06Try telling me again it was kids who did that.
00:26:15Come on. Who doesn't like barbers?
00:26:18Someone with a gruesome sense of humor.
00:26:20Somehow this doesn't seem like the time or the place.
00:26:25Is that all you think about?
00:26:29Yeah.
00:26:30What's going on?
00:26:31What's going on?
00:26:32This one desperately needs to be waxed.
00:26:36Yeah.
00:26:37And eight times a week just isn't enough. You know what my doctor said.
00:26:41So it's more therapeutic for you to have sex than it is to make love with your girlfriend.
00:26:50It's science! Besides, you always love it.
00:26:53Don't be smart.
00:26:54Don't be smart.
00:26:55Pesky body hair.
00:26:56I think I want to go up there.
00:26:57City Council official business.
00:26:58Oh!
00:26:59Oh!
00:27:00Oh!
00:27:01Oh!
00:27:02Oh!
00:27:03Oh!
00:27:04Oh!
00:27:05Oh!
00:27:06Oh!
00:27:07Oh!
00:27:08Oh!
00:27:09Oh!
00:27:10Oh!
00:27:11Oh!
00:27:12Oh!
00:27:13Oh!
00:27:14Oh!
00:27:15Oh!
00:27:16Oh!
00:27:17Oh!
00:27:18Oh!
00:27:19Oh!
00:27:20Oh!
00:27:21Oh!
00:27:22Oh!
00:27:23Oh!
00:27:52Oh!
00:27:54Oh!
00:27:59Oh!
00:28:04Oh!
00:28:05Oh!
00:28:06I don't know.
00:28:36Oh, nice to see you, Miss Councilwoman.
00:29:04Hmm.
00:29:06Business keeps going on like this, you'll have to open branches.
00:29:09We're thinking website.
00:29:11Some take the removal better than others.
00:29:26How unusual it's so warm.
00:29:31This is where we mix the wax with the other ingredients to remove all traces of pesky body hair.
00:29:42Yes, there is a special chemical to soften the skin.
00:29:50And some say it affects the mind.
00:29:53It does.
00:29:56It frees you from the distraction of pesky body hair.
00:30:02It does.
00:30:06Depillation sets one free from all the unpleasant emotions that we associate with hair.
00:30:14It does.
00:30:17The ecstasy of being without pesky body hair is truly orgasmic.
00:30:26It is beyond your wildest imagination.
00:30:32It just keeps going and going and going and going and the beat over is wild.
00:30:39Taking you to places that you never even dare to dream about.
00:30:44Places we've never dreamed about.
00:31:05Like Orlando.
00:31:32I thought you guys all fell asleep afterwards.
00:31:37Not me.
00:31:38Are you ready for the next round?
00:31:40As soon as you are.
00:31:43What's that smell?
00:31:45Oh, you're in a bathroom I started heating something.
00:31:49Yeah?
00:31:50Like what?
00:31:51It's gonna make it so good for you.
00:31:53You're never gonna believe it could be so good.
00:31:55Oh, yes I will.
00:31:57Do you trust me?
00:31:59I just fucked you for three hours.
00:32:01Then I really have something for you.
00:32:08What are you gonna do?
00:32:12I'm gonna rid you of that pesky body hair.
00:32:16Cool.
00:32:22Oh, don't stop now.
00:32:23I feel lonely and neglected.
00:32:25We have to wait till it dries.
00:32:28Then hand me my cigarette please.
00:32:30I might as well have something in my mouth.
00:32:34Any business?
00:32:35No.
00:32:38I turned.
00:32:46Hurry up, prank.
00:32:47I need to get a plane.
00:32:49I need to get a plane.
00:32:50Oh.
00:32:51Oh.
00:32:52Oh.
00:32:53Oh.
00:32:54Oh.
00:32:55Oh.
00:32:56Oh.
00:32:57Oh.
00:32:58Oh.
00:32:59Oh.
00:33:00Oh.
00:33:01Oh.
00:33:02Oh.
00:33:03Oh.
00:33:04Oh.
00:33:05Oh.
00:33:06Oh.
00:33:07Oh.
00:33:08Oh.
00:33:09Oh.
00:33:10Oh.
00:33:11Oh.
00:33:12Oh.
00:33:13Oh.
00:33:14Oh.
00:33:15Oh.
00:33:16Oh.
00:33:17Oh.
00:33:18Oh.
00:33:19Oh.
00:33:20Oh.
00:33:21Oh.
00:33:22Oh.
00:33:23Oh.
00:33:24Oh.
00:33:25Oh.
00:33:26You've got to be kidding me.
00:33:32Welcome to Yvonne's website.
00:33:34Please enter password.
00:33:36Depolation.
00:33:42Access denied.
00:33:44Hmm.
00:33:46Horny.
00:33:50Access denied.
00:33:52You look like you had a hard night.
00:33:58The best.
00:34:00You look like sunburned or something.
00:34:04I feel terrific.
00:34:06Access denied.
00:34:10I made love all night.
00:34:14Isn't that normal for you?
00:34:16Come to think of it,
00:34:18yes, it is.
00:34:22You, the eyes of the world.
00:34:38Tell us how long it will take.
00:34:42We're on to you.
00:34:44We're on to you.
00:34:46We're on to you.
00:34:48to you. You, the voice of the world. Tell us what you need to say.
00:35:07Scratch the creepy closed town, put catatonic. It's like the whole town's turned into,
00:35:13I don't know, zombies, vampires, walking dead, Republicans, ever since they came to town.
00:35:23It's a strange group of bikers.
00:35:30Oof, I like my nasty body here.
00:35:43Pesky.
00:35:54What's that?
00:35:55You.
00:35:56Me? Who?
00:35:57What?
00:35:58Something the captains gave me.
00:35:59That was a hit. I will now play another hit, though I don't know why anybody listens to this mierda.
00:36:05Something stinks in this town.
00:36:07Well, that's the paper mill on Eureka.
00:36:09I myself am free of such trivialities. All I need now are some compliant, nubile, hairless 18-year-old girls to make my life complete.
00:36:18Don't we all?
00:36:21Did he just say mierda, mer, mer?
00:36:26You won't go near that salon. Promise.
00:36:30I'm not worried about Sven. I know he won't do anything foolish.
00:36:34Coward that I am.
00:36:35But you.
00:36:36That hair is my life.
00:36:39Keep it that way.
00:36:44I got it. I got it.
00:36:46I got to go.
00:36:48I got it easily.
00:36:49I got it.
00:36:54You got it.
00:36:55I'm going to see that every moment is administrated.
00:36:56I can see, baby.
00:36:58Please.
00:36:59I know it's so awful, but I've got to slip away, slip away, I've got to slip away from you, baby.
00:37:13I've got to go.
00:37:15You've got to go.
00:37:20You've got to go.
00:37:22And the shuttle will rise.
00:37:24For wax, Talbot!
00:37:26I'm stirring the hot tub as fast as I can!
00:37:29You are stirring the fast!
00:37:32You're stirring the cauldron.
00:37:55Ow!
00:37:59That is all for today.
00:38:07We will be back tomorrow at this time with a new load.
00:38:11See you then, and have a nice day.
00:38:18Busy?
00:38:19Nothing like this since all the six.
00:38:24What are you doing here?
00:38:26What are you doing here?
00:38:39This won't hurt a bit, handsome.
00:38:40Get out of here, woman.
00:38:41Then you'll be all ours, free of that pesky body hair.
00:38:47Don't you want us?
00:38:48Are you sick of something?
00:38:50Perverted?
00:38:51The wax will set you free.
00:38:53Get on out of here, young women, or we'll make you walk the plank.
00:38:57We'll make shark bait out of you, and I'll get it.
00:39:07Ain't seen the like of this since we rode with Teddy Roosevelt.
00:39:11Pershing Roosevelt.
00:39:12How is Pershing you don't know?
00:39:14God dang it, it was Roosevelt, you old fool.
00:39:16You wouldn't know if Roosevelt became a particular hand.
00:39:23What's up, Ted?
00:39:29How's Pilar?
00:39:31No more pesky body hair.
00:39:34Yeah, well, you know, I try not to meddle in people's marital affairs, but, uh, a little turnoff, huh?
00:39:40You know, the hair?
00:39:42Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what's the matter?
00:39:44Hey, Ted, come on, don't be afraid.
00:39:45It's me, Mick.
00:39:46Here, take the 14 bucks.
00:39:49What's the matter?
00:39:50Here, come on, take the $14.
00:39:51Come on.
00:39:52Get out!
00:39:53The money!
00:39:54Get out!
00:39:56Go away!
00:39:58Ted!
00:39:59You will become unbelievably horny.
00:40:03Look at Pilar.
00:40:05180 pounds of bucking bronco.
00:40:10Ooh.
00:40:12Unbelievably?
00:40:13Get out!
00:40:15Horny?
00:40:21We've been expecting you, Mr. Orion.
00:40:48Have you now?
00:40:51You seem most interested in what our little salon has to offer.
00:40:57How about a demonstration?
00:40:59Oh, come on.
00:41:17Come on, come on.
00:41:19Dang.
00:41:20Sorry.
00:41:25Oh.
00:41:31He was so well hung.
00:41:35Take him to room number four.
00:41:39Whoa.
00:41:39Whoa, come on.
00:41:40Come on.
00:41:41Come on.
00:41:41No, no.
00:41:42Not room number four.
00:41:43Hey, I'll probably give it a buzz cut, so leave a message.
00:42:01Hi, honey.
00:42:02It's me.
00:42:04I'm feeling a little, I don't know.
00:42:06Okay, so maybe I've been a little preoccupied lately, but I just need to feel safer with all
00:42:15that's going on, so anyway, I've got a surprise for you, and it's the top of the line at the
00:42:23shop.
00:42:23So, um, get here, I ship you, okay?
00:42:32This is a simple process of osmosis.
00:42:36While the wax is bonding to your pesky body hair, this chemical is seeping into your skin, into your very psyche.
00:42:47Yeah, well, you see, I'm Irish, and I really don't want anything seeping into my psyche.
00:42:54Once you're with us, you'll see.
00:42:56All the barriers are down.
00:42:59No fear, no hate, no revulsion, no pesky-bother-some sentimentality.
00:43:08Just pure sensualism.
00:43:13Gosh.
00:43:14Yes, gosh.
00:43:17This may stand on you.
00:43:20Oh, I'm now!
00:43:23Oh!
00:43:24Damn it, Mick.
00:43:28Where are you?
00:43:33I've got to think.
00:43:35I've got to think.
00:43:42Hmm.
00:43:43Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:43:45Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:43:52Yes.
00:43:52Hey, he's taking his way around.
00:44:09Leave us!
00:44:21Leave us.
00:44:24I wonder how you will feel what you've never felt before.
00:44:31Mmm. Mmm.
00:44:33Get in the blood.
00:44:41Let's see how better it is without that.
00:44:45Fusky body.
00:44:51Nothing's gonna happen, dipshit. There's no music.
00:44:56There's always music when something's gonna happen.
00:45:01Oh, jeez.
00:45:05Thank you for coming.
00:45:08I'm sorry.
00:45:10I'm sorry.
00:45:11I'm sorry.
00:45:13I'm sorry.
00:45:14I'm sorry.
00:45:15I'm sorry.
00:45:17I'm sorry.
00:45:18I'm sorry.
00:45:20I'm sorry.
00:45:22I'm sorry.
00:45:23I'm sorry.
00:45:25I'm sorry.
00:45:26Thank you for calling 9-1-1 Emergency Services.
00:45:38We're out of the office at the moment, but if it's really, really urgent,
00:45:43having to do with pesky body hair, please page us at Wayne's Depilation Palace,
00:45:49and we hope you have a nice, hairless, fulfilling day.
00:45:56Mick won't answer his phone. 9-1-1's an orgy.
00:46:10We're here. I'll use it.
00:46:13I hope you're wearing nice underwear, Sharon.
00:46:16Really now, there's no need for violence. Have the treatment.
00:46:20Be one of us. No more hate, no fear, no jealousy.
00:46:24No more teacher's dirty looks.
00:46:26You'll discover your true sensuality within, beneath all that pesky body hair.
00:46:33I've always wanted you, you know.
00:46:35I'll slice you into candles, I promise.
00:46:37Sounds sensual.
00:46:39You can't kill us, Sharon.
00:46:40We're zombies. Hot waxes.
00:46:42We're already dead.
00:46:44No! No!
00:46:46No!
00:46:55Japanic deviation.
00:46:56Ew.
00:46:56You monster!
00:47:00Ugh.
00:47:01No!
00:47:01No!
00:47:02No!
00:47:02No!
00:47:03No!
00:47:03No!
00:47:04No!
00:47:04No!
00:47:05No!
00:47:05No!
00:47:06No!
00:47:06No!
00:47:07No!
00:47:08No!
00:47:08No!
00:47:09No!
00:47:09No!
00:47:10No!
00:47:10No!
00:47:11No!
00:47:11No!
00:47:12No!
00:47:12No!
00:47:13No!
00:47:13No!
00:47:14No!
00:47:14No!
00:47:15No!
00:47:15No!
00:47:16No!
00:47:16No!
00:47:17No!
00:47:17No!
00:47:18No!
00:47:18No!
00:47:19No!
00:47:19No!
00:47:20No!
00:47:20No!
00:47:21No!
00:47:21No!
00:47:22No!
00:47:22No!
00:47:23No!
00:47:23No!
00:47:24No!
00:47:24No!
00:47:25No!
00:47:25No!
00:47:26No!
00:47:26No!
00:47:27No!
00:47:28No!
00:47:29No!
00:47:30No!
00:47:31No!
00:47:32No!
00:47:33No!
00:47:34No!
00:47:35No!
00:47:36No!
00:47:37No!
00:47:38No!
00:47:39Nick?
00:47:43Nick?
00:47:57Nick?
00:48:09Hubba hubba.
00:48:19Horny, aren't you?
00:48:22Insistent, too.
00:48:24No.
00:48:26Come on.
00:48:27Where?
00:48:28In the kitchen.
00:48:30The kitchen?
00:48:31Don't you know what's happening out there?
00:48:33Oh.
00:48:35We've got to run.
00:48:38We've got to find Sven.
00:48:40I mean...
00:48:47Seems a little early for mosquitoes, huh?
00:48:50So you've been hot waxed, haven't you?
00:48:53It's better than being like you.
00:48:55A slave to emotions and pesky body hair.
00:48:58So you don't feel any emotions at all?
00:49:00Only one.
00:49:02Lust.
00:49:03Insatiable carnality.
00:49:05Being free of pesky body hair has opened up a whole new world to me.
00:49:08A world of ultimate sensuality.
00:49:12Since when do you need help getting horny?
00:49:15It's for the best, Sharon. You'll see.
00:49:17We'll spend the rest of our lives together experiencing the ultimate sensuality.
00:49:22You're repeating yourself.
00:49:24Oh, it's going to be so good, you being one of us.
00:49:30Now relax.
00:49:32The pain won't last long.
00:49:34And when it's over, I'll let you be on top.
00:49:39Golly, I can hardly wait.
00:49:41You're always in the right place at the right time.
00:50:00Bye-bye, darling.
00:50:02But Sharon, I can help.
00:50:05No more pesky body hair.
00:50:07Ever.
00:50:08Oh, Sharon.
00:50:09There we go.
00:50:10There's no way out, Sharon.
00:50:11Hey, somebody mind letting me out?
00:50:13You can't stop monsters created from man's beliction of our ecology.
00:50:20Whatever.
00:50:21We are the undead.
00:50:22Join us.
00:50:23Never.
00:50:24Yes, you will.
00:50:25Back to your slob.
00:50:26Hurt him out, girly.
00:50:27Where's the man's dead?
00:50:28Where's the man's dead?
00:50:29Where's the man's dead?
00:50:30Where's the man's dead?
00:50:31There's no way out, Sharon.
00:50:32Hey, somebody mind letting me out?
00:50:33You can't stop monsters created from man's beliction of our ecology.
00:50:36Whatever.
00:50:37We are the undead.
00:50:38Join us.
00:50:39Never.
00:50:40Yes, you will.
00:50:41Never leave.
00:50:42Push for me.
00:50:43Oh, your emotions were dead.
00:50:44And your follicles, Matt.
00:50:45Oh.
00:50:46Thanks, please.
00:50:47Ow.
00:50:48Oh, my God.
00:50:49That's got hurt.
00:50:50Ow.
00:50:51Ow.
00:50:52Whoa.
00:50:53That albatross.
00:50:54You old stuff.
00:50:55No, it ain't an empty damn albatross.
00:50:56It's a wave.
00:50:57No, it ain't an empty damn albatross.
00:50:58It's a wave.
00:50:59It's a wave.
00:51:00It's a wave.
00:51:01It's a wave.
00:51:02It's a wave.
00:51:03It's a wave.
00:51:04It's a wave.
00:51:05It's a wave.
00:51:06It's a wave.
00:51:07It's a wave.
00:51:08It's a wave.
00:51:09It's a wave.
00:51:10It's a wave.
00:51:11It's a wave.
00:51:12Look at that hair.
00:51:13Looks like a man.
00:51:14Now.
00:51:15What are you?
00:51:17Y-E-W.
00:51:18Exactly.
00:51:19Smart zombie back, Cracky.
00:51:22Pacific U.
00:51:24Of course.
00:51:25You two knew all along.
00:51:27Best run along, girlie.
00:51:28While we use these zombies to swab the deck.
00:51:30Flens the barnacles and fight the lines.
00:51:33Aye.
00:51:34Wait a minute, fellas.
00:51:35I ain't gonna like ya.
00:51:36Frank!
00:51:37Somebody!
00:51:38Open up!
00:51:39I'm really horny!
00:51:42Ah!
00:51:43Ah!
00:51:44Ah!
00:51:45Ah!
00:51:46Ah!
00:51:47Ah!
00:51:48Ah!
00:51:49Ah!
00:51:50Ah!
00:51:51Ah!
00:51:52Ah!
00:51:53Ah!
00:51:54Ah!
00:51:55Ah!
00:51:56Ah!
00:51:57Ah!
00:51:58Ah!
00:51:59Ah!
00:52:00Ah!
00:52:01Ah!
00:52:02Ah!
00:52:03Ah!
00:52:04Ah!
00:52:05Ah!
00:52:06Ah!
00:52:07Ah!
00:52:08Carrie!
00:52:09Carrie!
00:52:10Ah!
00:52:11What, Sharon?
00:52:12What are you doing?
00:52:13I'm going to Portland to train for the U.S. National Swim Team!
00:52:17Oh, no.
00:52:18Oh, no.
00:52:19Not you two.
00:52:20I can't let you spread this contagion!
00:52:23What contagion?
00:52:24Whatever it is that makes people zombies!
00:52:26Ravenous, hairless, hornedog zombies!
00:52:29U.S. Swim Team?
00:52:30I went to the Nationals as a junior!
00:52:31I did it all!
00:52:32I told you I was thinking of getting back into it!
00:52:33Well, here's my opportunity!
00:52:34I guess I didn't react like they expected!
00:52:35I went to the pool and I practiced!
00:52:36I still have it!
00:52:37And they were right!
00:52:38Ah!
00:52:39You do swim faster!
00:52:40What?
00:52:41It didn't turn you into a sex-crazy zombie?
00:52:42I had no inhibitions to lose!
00:52:43Except those keeping me from trying out for the National Swim Team!
00:52:46And I'm doing that next week!
00:52:47Help me!
00:52:48I have to stop them!
00:52:49They'll take this formula and they'll do this again in town after town after town unless
00:52:53they're stopped!
00:52:54Okay!
00:52:55I will!
00:52:56I must stop them!
00:52:57Okay!
00:52:58Whatever!
00:52:59I'll watch for you on Wide World!
00:53:00Okay!
00:53:01I'll watch for you on Wide World!
00:53:02Okay!
00:53:03Whatever!
00:53:04Carrie!
00:53:05Carrie!
00:53:07Carrie!
00:53:08Oh, you see!
00:53:09They're not waiting for you!
00:53:11I have to...
00:53:12Help me!
00:53:14I have to stop them!
00:53:15They'll take this formula and they'll do this again in town after town after town
00:53:17unless they're stopped!
00:53:18Okay!
00:53:19I will!
00:53:20I must stop them!
00:53:21Okay!
00:53:22Whatever!
00:53:24I'll watch for you on Wide World!
00:53:26Okay!
00:53:27Whatever!
00:53:29Carrie!
00:53:31Well, I guess it's just me, and you.
00:53:48Once we corral Congress, then we'll go after the closet cross-dressers on the radical right.
00:54:11The congressman is so kinky. I want to mention the president for saying fair.
00:54:41Hot damn. It's party time.
00:54:47Everyone has to ask one more over the afternoon. Our power will be limitless.
00:54:56We'll be the gods of ultimate centrism. Rulers of the world, free at last from that dreaded stubble.
00:55:07Tight-ass Sharon Talbot's stance between us and total dominion.
00:55:12What about you?
00:55:15A world without hair. Something has to be done.
00:55:22Faster, faster, faster. Get it in.
00:55:24Fucking rats.
00:55:26Oh, baby, oh, baby. Faster, faster, faster. Get it in.
00:55:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:55:42Is that pesky body hair keeping you from living life to the fullest?
00:55:47If you've answered yes to any of these questions, then I'm here to tell you about something that will revolutionize your life forever.
00:55:55The Wayne's Wax-O-Matic. Just a pinch in those hard-to-reach areas and, ugh, you will find that your appointment book will fill up in no time.
00:56:08The Wayne's Wax-O-Matic. Take it from me. A boon to women everywhere.
00:56:15The Wayne's Wax-O-Matic. And we like it too.
00:56:28Mom? You're going cable?
00:56:32Watch it. Come.
00:56:34You call me dumb?
00:56:45Come on, stupid child safety.
00:57:06Get her.
00:57:07Get her.
00:57:08Isn't that the best you can come up with?
00:57:10Uh, uh, uh, this needs the frigid interloper.
00:57:14That's pretty good.
00:57:15Whoa!
00:57:18This room is a mess!
00:57:20Uh, somebody go get Marion!
00:57:28Oh!
00:57:29Ow!
00:57:30Mom!
00:57:31Radically cool, isn't it, dear?
00:57:33I have to know, what is the password?
00:57:35Orlando?
00:57:36Damn, almost.
00:57:38Ow.
00:57:51Shit!
00:57:52Help!
00:58:06Help!
00:58:08I love this thing!
00:58:10Ah!
00:58:11Ah!
00:58:12Ah!
00:58:13These things always look better in the catalogs, don't they?
00:58:18Still, it shows a mark in lack of self-esteem.
00:58:21Ah!
00:58:22Ah!
00:58:23Ah!
00:58:24Ah!
00:58:25Ah!
00:58:26Ah!
00:58:27Ugh!
00:58:33Ah!
00:58:35Ah!
00:58:36Ah...
00:58:37Ah!
00:58:41I hope you don't mind waiting while I see to this.
00:58:53Martin will keep you company.
00:58:56This better not be those fucking rats again.
00:59:11Can't you help me?
00:59:18I don't want to wait for them to come back,
00:59:21and seeing you like this makes me want you now.
00:59:28Vaughn told me not to.
00:59:31And I want you to do it.
00:59:37Vaughn won't let me.
00:59:40But I will.
00:59:57Not so fast, lover boy.
01:00:01I stuff.
01:00:04That's why they call it a booby trap.
01:00:09Thank you very much.
01:00:14This is an outrage.
01:00:17No, this is an outage.
01:00:20Ooh, this scares me.
01:00:22How did you do that?
01:00:25I don't know.
01:00:26See if I know how to do this.
01:00:28Stop!
01:00:29Stop!
01:00:30Stop!
01:00:31Stop!
01:00:32You're making me dizzy.
01:00:33All right.
01:00:34You and Marion back in the house.
01:00:37Hey, was that you screaming?
01:00:54Yeah, didn't you hear me?
01:00:55Barely.
01:00:56I just have wax in my ears.
01:00:58Your blouse and your cute mitts, they're open.
01:01:03Here.
01:01:08Carrie was right.
01:01:09You are the real guy.
01:01:15To Gold Rock.
01:01:16What?
01:01:17Now?
01:01:18Okay, that's it.
01:01:20They've had their chance.
01:01:21We're nailing them.
01:01:22My tape?
01:01:23Oh, I had it clean.
01:01:24What would be wax and the road grime and everything?
01:01:29What?
01:01:30Let's read!
01:01:36Wow.
01:01:37She said I was the real guy.
01:01:50I wonder if she meant it though.
01:01:51I mean, you know how women, they just kind of say things.
01:01:54Wait a minute.
01:01:55I mean, you know, I'm real.
01:01:57And I'm a guy.
01:01:58And I'm a guy. Definitely a guy.
01:02:01Wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:02:02Mick's my best friend.
01:02:04And Sharon's his gal.
01:02:06I can't do that to Mick. No way.
01:02:08No way. I...
01:02:10Yeah, I can. Yeah, I can.
01:02:12Cool.
01:02:13I got a girlfriend.
01:02:28Spen is the real guy.
01:02:31Can I do this to Mick?
01:02:35Yeah, I could do that to Mick.
01:02:38Is that an echo?
01:02:40Cool.
01:02:53Oh my gosh, he's right behind us.
01:02:57A Wooga.
01:02:58A Wooga.
01:02:59Down below.
01:03:02Woo!
01:03:03Come on, boys!
01:03:07Let's get them!
01:03:09Go!
01:03:25I think we lost them a few miles back.
01:03:26I think...
01:03:27But why here?
01:03:33What?
01:03:34Okay, enough of that geography, but your timing.
01:03:53Think about it as making up for lost time.
01:04:04You've got to get to Creeport before Yvonne!
01:04:29Good evening.
01:04:33Good evening. I'm Sharon Talbot, a city councilwoman from Daneport.
01:04:37And this is Sven Jacobson, one of our local businessmen.
01:04:40I'm impressed.
01:04:42Is there a captain on duty?
01:04:44I've got a problem.
01:04:46Listen, I think we need to talk to the watch captain.
01:04:49We're not good enough, is that it?
01:04:51Huh? Who do you think you are, brilliant in here, trying to get past me to the captain without any explanation?
01:04:56Just trying to pull rank? Go over my head, do an end run? Is that it?
01:05:00Miss city fucking councilwoman?
01:05:03Big fucking deal!
01:05:06Hey, may we see the watch captain, please? You don't understand. This is about zombies.
01:05:11Zombies. Yeah. Zombies. Yeah.
01:05:16Well, yeah. Hey, why didn't you guys just say so?
01:05:24You wouldn't believe me. Can you believe it?
01:05:25Oh, I can believe it. I mean, can you believe it? It's unbelievable.
01:05:29I thought he believed it.
01:05:31Hmm. Well, there's one way to make him believe it. Believe me.
01:05:35What? Follow me!
01:05:41Please, lock all your doors, bolt all your windows. A group of hot wax zombies is coming to town.
01:05:46Awesome.
01:05:47And if they find you, you'll be destroyed. So you gotta start gathering you.
01:05:51You got it? You gotta make your you turn on them.
01:05:54For the most sake!
01:05:56They're here. They're here! Look out for the zombies!
01:06:05Oh, jeez. Those years of therapy shot to shit.
01:06:11Surprise.
01:06:12So.
01:06:13It's you.
01:06:14It's you.
01:06:15Evidently.
01:06:16You can't escape, you know.
01:06:17I won't surrender.
01:06:18Good. I like a challenge.
01:06:20You wanna take over the world.
01:06:22I said I like challenges.
01:06:24I won't let you.
01:06:25You can't stop me.
01:06:29Maybe not.
01:06:32But I can try.
01:06:35I know what you are.
01:06:37You've learned the nearly forgotten secret of Formula H-73.
01:06:41The chemical developed during the Spanish-American War to demoralize the enemy by causing increased hair loss
01:06:47and increased lima bean crop yields.
01:06:50But it had a side effect.
01:06:52It turned people into unfeeling, sex-crazed zombies.
01:06:56Well, it won't work.
01:06:57Because there's more to life than sex and pleasure and smooth skin.
01:07:01There's love and honor and shaving.
01:07:05You think so?
01:07:07Hmm?
01:07:08Well, we'll see.
01:07:12You might like even sleeping with your stud Mick.
01:07:17I do.
01:07:18Uh-oh.
01:07:19You won't anymore!
01:07:21I got sad Denny.
01:07:23Ow!
01:07:24Ow!
01:07:25Ow.
01:07:26Uh-oh.
01:07:28Hey.
01:07:29Did you look at him?
01:07:30You got her?
01:07:31Ow!
01:07:32Ow!
01:07:33Ow!
01:07:34Ow!
01:07:36Ow!
01:07:39Ow!
01:07:40Ow!
01:07:42Ow!
01:07:43Ow!
01:07:44Ow!
01:07:45Ow!
01:07:46Ow!
01:07:47again. When I'm abandoning, she was my own friend. Whoa, telling me it's the same old
01:07:58remedy. Whoa. Let her go. Not yet, I'm all upstairs. Let her go or I'll let you have it. What? That
01:08:05zombie's dangerous. All God's creatures have a right to life. What makes you think I'm God's
01:08:12creature? Don't quibble. No, you, you zombie. Get out of here. Get out of town. Never come
01:08:20here again. Next time, count on it. Do you know what you've unleashed on the world? The terror,
01:08:32the horror. We mustn't raise our hands against one another. We must learn to live in peace
01:08:37and harmony. You see what I got to work with here, man? Lovely, just lovely. We're the
01:08:42with your eyebrows off. They never hurt those that are one with nature. Uh-huh, okay. They
01:08:50remember, respect one another. Whoa! Peace at last.
01:09:04Hard about, hard about the port. God dang it. I told you hard about the port. You don't
01:09:12steer like a ship, you old grunion. And you don't steer like a captain, you miserable pool of squid ink.
01:09:16How was I supposed to know she'd pitch in y'all like a derelict, you rumhead?
01:09:20I suppose.
01:09:23Sharon, look. That's the captain's truck.
01:09:26It's a total wrap. Look at all that you.
01:09:29Who? Me?
01:09:31Don't start with me.
01:09:32Well, that's one load that won't get to that tight-ass Sharon Talbot.
01:09:42I will not sleep until these...
01:09:45These...
01:09:47Zombies.
01:09:48...are laid...
01:09:49They'd like that?
01:09:50...to rest.
01:09:53Are you with me?
01:09:55Me?
01:09:56A barber?
01:09:58Need you ask?
01:09:59You know what this means, don't you?
01:10:04We'll never be able to sleep soundly, never be able to trust anyone, always on the run, always
01:10:09on the lookout, never a home or a life of our own.
01:10:13You mean, we're going to Los Angeles?
01:10:17It'll be a totally different way of life.
01:10:19And we can charge it.
01:10:21All right!
01:10:22Woo-hoo!
01:10:23Woo-hoo!
01:10:24Woo-hoo!
01:10:24Woo-hoo!
01:10:25Woo-hoo!
01:10:25Woo-hoo!
01:10:25Woo-hoo!
01:10:26Woo-hoo!
01:10:26Woo-hoo!
01:10:26Woo-hoo!
01:10:26Woo-hoo!
01:10:27Woo-hoo!
01:10:27Woo-hoo!
01:10:27Woo-hoo!
01:10:27Woo-hoo!
01:10:28Woo-hoo!
01:10:29Woo-hoo!
01:10:40Wow!
01:10:41Beverly Hills.
01:10:43Land of silicone and liposuction.
01:10:48A perfect hideout for Yvonne.
01:10:54Whoa!
01:10:54That guy just missed me!
01:10:56By a hare!
01:10:57Look out Sven, these people are hairless and brainless.
01:11:01Beverly Hills.
01:11:07Sharon, slow down!
01:11:09Look, that trolley's out of control!
01:11:12My God!
01:11:13No brakes!
01:11:16God, Teddy, your legs are so smooth.
01:11:20Did you get them, you know, done?
01:11:23Cheyvonne on Rodeo.
01:11:26Everybody gets done there.
01:11:29It has opened up a whole new world of friction-free ecstasy for me.
01:11:36You know?
01:11:38Towels, ladies.
01:11:40Oh, life is finally worth living without all that pesky body hair.
01:11:56What's that address again?
01:11:58What's that address again?
01:12:00Gin!
01:12:02Uh...
01:12:03Uh...
01:12:04Uh...
01:12:05Let's go.
01:12:35Excuse me.
01:12:56The garden is outside.
01:12:58We're not here for hedge trimming.
01:13:05Ladies and gentlemen, the salon is closed.
01:13:12Do you know the contagion that this waxing process is wreaking on the country?
01:13:17You may not have to shave your legs for six months, sure, but the cost is incalculable.
01:13:22First time is free.
01:13:24Your first time is well beyond free.
01:13:26You lose all feeling, all emotion.
01:13:27You become obsessed with satiating your deepest desires at the cost of your fellow man.
01:13:32That might be all right for you people here in Beverly Hills, but not for the rest of America.
01:13:38And on top of all that, you lose your desire to shop.
01:13:50You're kidding.
01:13:51You're kidding.
01:13:51You're kidding.
01:13:51You're kidding.
01:13:54Mom!
01:13:59Mom, you okay?
01:13:59Well, stop with the dust, Sharon.
01:14:02Geez.
01:14:03Oh.
01:14:04Oh.
01:14:05How could I have been so blind?
01:14:08Oh.
01:14:08Oh, Mom.
01:14:10Mom, listen to me.
01:14:12Go home now.
01:14:12Leave.
01:14:13If you listen to us, we can help you.
01:14:16Set you free.
01:14:16It was kind of fun, dear, but now, it's double.
01:14:22Just leave this all behind.
01:14:24It's a bad dream.
01:14:25That's all.
01:14:26It did have its compensations, though.
01:14:28Mom.
01:14:30Oh.
01:14:31Oh.
01:14:33Oh, God, I feel so good.
01:14:34Get around.
01:14:35Oh, baby.
01:14:36Oh, baby.
01:14:37Faster, faster, faster.
01:14:38Get it in.
01:14:39Oh.
01:14:39Oh.
01:14:41Oh, baby.
01:14:42Oh, baby.
01:14:43Faster, faster.
01:14:44Get it in.
01:14:44Oh.
01:14:46Hey, babe.
01:14:54Remember, the real Mick died months ago.
01:14:56Only his follicles.
01:14:57Remember the good times we had?
01:14:58Remember how they ended.
01:15:00They can come again.
01:15:01You and me in some recreational underwear.
01:15:04It's all possible.
01:15:07Bet me.
01:15:13Hey, man!
01:15:15Oh!
01:15:16Yeah!
01:15:16What about Yvonne?
01:15:22Oh, my God.
01:15:23Sharon.
01:15:24You saved me.
01:15:26I mean, to them, I was just a stud, right?
01:15:29How can I thank you?
01:15:31Putz!
01:15:32I told you not to go to the old Augusta house, and off you go, two-timey me with some artificially
01:15:37maintain motorcycle mama.
01:15:39I couldn't help it.
01:15:40I couldn't help it.
01:15:41It's my hormones.
01:15:42Oh!
01:15:42Oh!
01:15:43Oh!
01:15:43How's that for hormones?
01:15:46You're pretty hard on them.
01:15:48Zombie or no zombie.
01:15:50Wax or no wax.
01:15:53Nobody two times me.
01:15:56I'll remember that.
01:15:57Yes, so am I.
01:15:58So, you've been busy, I see.
01:16:04Extremism and the battle to rid the world of your infestation is no vice.
01:16:09Oh, my, my, my, my.
01:16:11Even you hairy ones can wax poetic.
01:16:15You ain't seen nothing yet, lady.
01:16:18Ciao, Yvonne.
01:16:21Again!
01:16:22Again!
01:16:23Running a little short of your precious shaving?
01:16:28How many?
01:16:29Take them.
01:16:31Now, what will sound?
01:16:32Ciao.
01:16:43Dusted them zombies by, Cracky.
01:16:45I have your shaving face.
01:16:47I told you I caught the breath of an evil wind in this here town.
01:16:51If it ain't them zombies, it's barnacles.
01:16:53Ain't no speed rate going to loosen them up when they're that tight on a feller's ass.
01:16:57That's why these folks want so damn funny.
01:16:59Yeah.
01:17:02Nice, you're high, Talbot.
01:17:05But as usual, you didn't make it to the climax.
01:17:15No brakes!
01:17:16You're a sunny match in San Francisco!
01:17:23I feel so strangely unsatisfied.
01:17:33It's the anti-climax, that's all.
01:17:40I'll, uh, meet you back in Daneport, Sharon?
01:17:43Perhaps, Mick.
01:17:46I'll go and get going before I wax you a bald spot.
01:17:55How long?
01:17:58How long until people listen to us?
01:18:01Till, till they understand there's no sin in shaving.
01:18:07Till they realize the danger.
01:18:09As long as it takes, I guess.
01:18:12Until they realize it's no sin to see a barber.
01:18:16I'm telling you, there's no one under there.
01:18:30There's this cape and this gooey, waxy stuff.
01:18:36Are you sure there was a rider on this bike?
01:18:38I mean, maybe the bike was just parked here.
01:18:40I mean, she ain't here now.
01:18:44Unless she was made out of wax or something.
01:18:47We're wheeling our hikes everywhere.
01:19:07We're wheeling our hikes everywhere.
01:19:09Coming to wax off your hair.
01:19:12So you are there to beware.
01:19:15Cause the hot wax zombies, we're almost there.
01:19:20We're the hot wax zombies on wheels.
01:19:24Hot wax zombies on wheels.
01:19:28Hot wax zombies on wheels.
01:19:31Hot wax zombies on wheels.
01:19:36Hot wax morning.
01:19:37Hot wax stones.
01:19:39Hot wax здесь.
01:19:40Oh, yeah.
01:19:57Hot wax diamonds.
01:19:59I don't know.
01:20:29I don't know.
01:20:59I will now play another hit, though I don't know why anybody listens to this mierda.
01:21:17Where is everybody?
01:21:19Don't you want to get rid of that brisky buddy hair forever?
01:21:27Damn it!
01:21:31Thanks, Finn.
01:21:35That ought to keep the couches of Beverly Hills drinks warm for years after this.
01:21:41All I need now are some compliant, nubile, hairless 18-year-old girls to make my life complete.
01:21:47That ought to make my life complete.
01:21:49To be continued...