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00:00I'll see you next time
00:30This is a play about a very expensive mink coat.
00:38The original story is quite short,
00:41but I'm such a ridiculously slow writer
00:43that it took me something like five months to get the thing finished,
00:47which is more than 600 working hours.
00:50That probably sounds a bit silly to you,
00:53but in trying to work the plot out properly,
00:55I took so many wrong turnings and went up so many blind alleys,
00:58I nearly went crazy.
01:01Don't forget, a short story writer is working in miniature,
01:04and he can't afford to splash his paint all over the canvas.
01:07He has to be extremely precise.
01:10I find it very difficult.
01:12Anyway, see what you think of it.
01:13I'm so sorry.
01:23I'm so sorry.
01:24I'm so sorry.
01:25I'm so sorry.
01:26Ah, I love you.
01:56it isn't three months already is it? mm-hmm good heavens how time flies seems
02:14like yesterday. what does? your last visit to Aunt Maud. no it's three months will you
02:19be away till Monday? yes the weekend as usual. you don't think it's too much do
02:23you every three months? four times a year awful expense after all she is only an
02:28aunt. I'm very poor is that what you mean? I've nothing to gain. no no no it seems a
02:33little excessive that's all. an aunt every three months four times a year. I'm very
02:39fond of Aunt Maud. I know. I'm her only living relative. I'm all she has. it's the
02:44least I can do it's my duty. yes and I admire you for it. how long is it you've
02:49kept it up? eight years. eight years. yes well there you are. I always admired you for your sense of
02:55duty. I wouldn't do it. not from what you tell me about her. poor old auntie Maud. 84 one
03:06room bedridden penniless. I'm only grateful you don't expect me to come with you.
03:12I wouldn't do that. after all she's not your aunt she's mine. yeah quiet.
03:18dearest. tonight. what? did you brush your teeth?
03:32hmm? bye darling. see you monday. don't work too hard. bye.
04:02you
04:32Oh
04:57You'll have to excuse me. I must be getting back. I'm a little late as it is.
05:01Ah, yes, Colonel, of course. Aunt Maud, isn't it? You bachelors.
05:06Aunt Maud, exactly.
05:31Oh
05:33Oh
05:35Oh
05:37Oh
05:39Oh
05:41Oh
05:43Oh
05:45Oh
05:47Oh
05:49Oh
05:51Oh
05:53Oh
05:55Oh
05:57Oh
05:59Oh
06:01Oh
06:03Oh
06:05Oh
06:07Oh
06:09Oh
06:11Oh
06:13Oh
06:15Oh
06:17Oh
06:19Oh
06:21Oh
06:23Oh
06:25Oh
06:27Oh
06:29Oh
06:31Oh
06:33Oh
06:35Oh
06:37Oh
06:39Oh
06:41Oh
06:43Oh
06:45Oh
06:55Tally-ho
06:56Darling
06:57I'd almost forgotten how ravishing you looked.
07:01What do I do gargle?
07:09With the fluoride mouthwash twice a week?
07:11Yes, sometimes more.
07:13And the dental flask?
07:15I even snuck out my gum.
07:17It must be the brushing. What's the rule for brushing, Miss Paltney?
07:21Ten strokes. That's the rule.
07:23Use the length of the brush to the full.
07:25Teeth have two sides so it's outer and inner.
07:27Five minutes that's all and you'll end up a winner.
07:29Rinse please.
07:31Oh Miss Paltney I...
07:33I forgot to say I'll be working late.
07:35Oh I remembered Mr Bixby. I have ordered your sandwiches.
07:39Yes I want to do some inlays.
07:41Yes Mr Bixby.
07:43Excuse me Mr Bixby. I think the injection is beginning to wear off.
07:46Open wide.
07:51Come along me darling. Time to wake up.
07:59Oh what day then?
08:01Monday.
08:02Oh no not already.
08:04Afraid so. Our time flies.
08:06Oh please. Don't say that.
08:08Seamus will drive you to the airport.
08:10You'll come too won't you?
08:12Afraid not. Important business.
08:14Oh.
08:15I don't see how I can wait another three months.
08:21But he can cute little shit.
08:22Oh my God.
08:23P-
08:31My son.
08:32Right.
08:37So you're in love to make sure you're in peace and that's what he does.
08:40Have some love.
08:42Oh my God.
08:43I get hot.
08:44I get hot for a couple of hours.
08:48I almost forgot the Colonel asked me to give you this oh good heavens what in the
09:00nervous box what is it was there a message did he send a message no no
09:04message
09:34darling I once heard you saying you were fond of mink so I got you this I'm told
10:00it's a good one please accept it as a parting gift for my own personal reasons
10:07I shall not be able to see you anymore we always said just so long as it lasts
10:13and no longer goodbye my darling it's been fun good luck PS in the right hand
10:24pocket of the coat you will find an envelope for customs you have nothing to
10:28worry about the duties paid duties paid
10:35PPS I just say that Aunty Maud gave it to you for Christmas
10:42but Aunty Maud could never afford a present like this not in a million years
10:53I've got to I've got to I want to I've got to
11:08but how will I explain it what will I do
11:18Sorry about this traffic, love, but we're down to the weather.
11:48Could you please pull over there and wait for me, I won't be a moment.
12:18Yes?
12:20Uh, hello.
12:36Oh, isn't it silly of me?
12:39I've gone and lost my purse.
12:42The banks are all closed now and I just have to have some money.
12:46I mean, I simply need some money to get home.
12:48I feel such a terrible fool.
12:50What you got?
12:52Well, this, this is really a very valuable coat.
12:57How much do you want?
13:02It's mink.
13:04How much do you want?
13:05Oh, not much.
13:06Just enough to pay for the taxi.
13:08I'll come back tomorrow and redeem it.
13:10How much?
13:11I feel so stupid.
13:12I mean, if only I had a ring or a watch.
13:14But the fact is I don't have a thing with me other than this coat.
13:17Lady, how much do you want?
13:20Money.
13:21Compris?
13:22Fifty pounds.
13:24For a taxi.
13:26Still, that's your business.
13:28Okay?
13:29Fifty pounds.
13:30Name?
13:31This is...
13:32Oh, no, no.
13:33Leave that out.
13:34And the address.
13:35You don't have to have a name and address, do you?
13:38I don't have to.
13:39But you know the risk.
13:40You lose this ticket, it's got no name on it, you're in trouble.
13:43How so?
13:44Anyone can get hold of this ticket, come in here and claim the article.
13:47Yes, yes, I realise that.
13:48All they've got to do is to give me the ticket and I've got to give them the article.
13:50Yes, I know.
13:51So you'd better not lose it.
13:52Oh, I'm not going to lose it.
13:54Good heavens, no.
13:55It's only till tomorrow.
13:56Well, have it your own way.
13:57Now, what do you want me to put down for a description?
14:00Mink, fur, what?
14:01No, no, no description either.
14:03It's not necessary.
14:04Just put the amount.
14:05Fifty pounds.
14:06Lady, I don't want to interfere in your private life, but I've been in this game a long time.
14:11Take my advice.
14:12Put a description.
14:13What for?
14:14What for, she asks.
14:17You may want to sell this ticket sometime.
14:20Now, who's going to buy it if they don't know what it is?
14:22No, but I'm not going to sell it.
14:23I'm coming back for the coat tomorrow.
14:25I'm not broke.
14:27I simply lost my purse.
14:29I'm temporarily embarrassed.
14:31Don't you understand?
14:33Well, it's your coat.
14:35Fifty pounds.
14:36Tell me something.
14:37If I don't have a description on the ticket, how can I be sure that you'll give me back this coat
14:42and not something else when I return?
14:45It goes in the books.
14:46But all I've got is a ticket with a number on it.
14:48So in fact, you could just hand me any old thing you wanted.
14:51Isn't that so?
14:52Look, do you want a description or don't you?
14:54No, no.
14:55I trust you.
14:56Right.
14:57Fifty pounds.
14:58Here we are.
14:59Twenty.
15:00Forty.
15:01Fifty.
15:02She don't like fur coats.
15:03There we are.
15:04I've got a little surprise for you.
15:05You've always said that only Americans can mix dry martinis.
15:06Well, let me just try this.
15:07Perfect.
15:08Yes.
15:09It's simply a question of getting the vermouth to the nearest minute.
15:10Yes, it's a question of getting the vermouth to the nearest minute.
15:11You've always said that only Americans can mix dry martinis.
15:15Well, let me just try this.
15:16Perfect.
15:17Yes, it's simply a question of getting the vermouth to the nearest milligram.
15:22I bought this for measuring.
15:23Darling, how clever of you.
15:24Yes, I thought so.
15:25Go on.
15:26You were saying about Aunt Maud.
15:27Oh, yes.
15:28I don't think she's well.
15:29She looks awfully friendly.
15:30She looks awfully friendly.
15:31She looks awfully friendly.
15:32And you know that one of the Americans can mix dry martinis.
15:33Well, let me just try this.
15:34Perfect.
15:35Yes, it's simply a question of getting the vermouth to the nearest milligram.
15:39I bought this for measuring.
15:41Darling, how clever of you.
15:43Yes, I thought so.
15:44Go on.
15:45What?
15:46You were saying about Aunt Maud.
15:47Oh, yes.
15:48I don't think she's well.
15:49She looks awfully friendly.
15:50I don't think she's well.
15:51She looks awfully friendly.
15:52I don't think she's well.
15:53I don't think she's well.
15:54I don't think she's well.
15:55I don't think she's well.
15:56She looks awfully frail.
15:58Mm.
15:59You know, I had the feeling...
16:00I don't know how to explain it, but...
16:02I had the feeling I wouldn't see her again.
16:04Nonsense.
16:06Oh, 84.
16:08Can't complain.
16:12I worked all the weekend.
16:14Cast a few inlays.
16:16Did my accounts.
16:17Oh, now really, Cyril, you should let others do your donkey work for you.
16:21Isn't that Miss Poultenay, whatever her name is, supposed to help with your accounts?
16:25You can't expect young people to work over the weekend.
16:30No.
16:31There's no sense of duty nowadays.
16:39Darling, I knew there was something I had to tell you.
16:42Look.
16:43I found this.
16:44What is it?
16:45I don't know.
16:46I found it on the seat of my taxi.
16:48It's got a number on it.
16:49I thought it might be a lottery ticket or something.
16:55You know what this is, don't you?
16:56No, I don't.
16:57It's a porn ticket.
16:58A what?
16:59A porn ticket.
17:00A ticket from a pawnbroker.
17:01Name of the shop.
17:02Oh.
17:03Oh.
17:04Oh, this might be rather amusing.
17:06Why could it be amusing?
17:07Well, there's no owner's name and no description of the article.
17:12Well, you know how porn tickets work, don't you?
17:14No, they sound awfully dull to me.
17:16Well...
17:17Oh, tell me over dinner.
17:18Oh, darling, would you set the table, please?
17:21And because there's no name and address, this is now our ticket.
17:31My ticket.
17:32I found it.
17:33Well, what's the matter?
17:34The important thing is that we are now in a position to redeem whatever it is for 50 pounds.
17:43Oh, what fun.
17:44It could be anything.
17:46Isn't that right, darling?
17:48Absolutely anything.
17:50Yes, but probably a ring or a watch.
17:53Oh, how absolutely thrilling.
17:55Now just give me back the ticket and I'll rush over first thing tomorrow morning and find out.
17:59No, I think I'd better do that.
18:01Oh.
18:02No, I want to do it myself.
18:05No, I think not.
18:06I'll pick it up on my way to work.
18:07Porn shop.
18:09No place for a lady.
18:15You're a foreigner, dearest.
18:17You don't know the way we do these things over here.
18:19And you've no reason to know porn brokers, thank heavens.
18:22You're liable to get cheated.
18:23I wouldn't get cheated.
18:24Honestly, I wouldn't give it to me.
18:26Please.
18:27I'd rather you didn't handle it, if you don't mind.
18:30One never knows with this sort of thing.
18:32But I found it.
18:33Now whatever it is, it's mine.
18:34Isn't that right?
18:35Yes, of course it's yours.
18:36There's no need to get so worked up.
18:38Of course it might be something entirely masculine.
18:41Pocket watch, cufflinks.
18:43In that case you can have it.
18:45But if it's a woman's thing, I want it myself.
18:47Now is that agreed?
18:48Agreed.
18:49I say, I tell you what, why don't you come with me?
18:54No.
18:56You're right.
18:57You'll handle it much better than I.
18:59I know you go along.
19:00It's going to be much more fun if I stay behind and wait.
19:03Be sure to telephone the moment you know what it is.
19:05Promise?
19:06Promise.
19:08Well, Cyril, isn't it exciting?
19:14It's amusing, certainly.
19:15There's no doubt about that.
19:19Darling.
19:21It's all right, Cyril. I brushed.
19:38Hello?
19:39Cyril?
19:40Did you?
19:41What is it?
19:42Is it something nice?
19:43Oh, no.
19:44Go on, darling.
19:45Tell me what it is.
19:46Oh, I can't guess, Cyril.
19:47I can't.
19:48Don't be infuriating, Cyril.
19:49Is it for a woman?
19:50Stop keeping me.
19:51I can't.
19:52I can't.
19:53I can't.
19:54I can't.
19:55Don't be infuriating, Cyril.
19:56Is it for a woman?
19:57Stop keeping me.
19:58I can't.
19:59I can't.
20:00I can't.
20:01I can't.
20:02I can't.
20:03I can't.
20:04I can't.
20:05I can't.
20:06I can't.
20:07Stop keeping me in suspense.
20:09I can't bear it.
20:10I can't.
20:12Something fantastic.
20:15Really.
20:17A necklace?
20:19No.
20:20A diamond ring?
20:22Not a diamond ring.
20:24Something you wear?
20:26Oh, I don't know.
20:28A hat?
20:30Oh, for goodness sake, Cyril, tell me what it is.
20:33Oh, no, you don't.
20:35I'm not waiting until tonight.
20:36I'm coming down to your office and get whatever it is now.
20:39Oh, Mrs. Bixby, your husband is expecting you. I'm just off for lunch.
20:41Uh, he won't keep you a moment, Mr. Gorman.
20:43Hmm.
20:44Hmm.
20:45Hmm.
20:46Hmm.
20:47Hmm.
20:48Hmm.
20:49Hmm.
20:50Hmm.
20:51Hmm.
20:52Hmm.
20:53Hmm.
20:54Hmm.
20:55Hmm.
20:56Hmm.
20:57Hmm.
20:58Hmm.
20:59Hmm.
21:00Hmm.
21:01Hmm.
21:02Oh, Mrs. Bixby, your husband is expecting you.
21:05Uh, I'm just off for lunch.
21:07Uh, he won't keep you a moment, Mr. Gorman.
21:09Hmm.
21:10Hmm.
21:11Hmm.
21:12Hmm.
21:13Hmm.
21:14Oh.
21:15It's in here.
21:16Oh.
21:17Shut your eyes.
21:18Oh, Cyril, shut me.
21:19Shut your eyes.
21:20Oh, all right.
21:21Stand there.
21:22Don't look.
21:23I have to get it out of the cupboard.
21:24Oh, heavens.
21:25I'm so excited.
21:26Oh.
21:27All right.
21:28You can look.
21:29Oh, I don't dare.
21:30Take a peek.
21:31Mink.
21:32Mink.
21:33Real mink.
21:39Feast your eyes on that.
21:40Oh.
21:42What's the matter, dearest?
21:43Don't you like it?
21:45Hmm?
21:47Is...
21:48that what the pawnbroker gave you?
21:50Absolutely.
21:51In a great big box.
21:53Quite takes your breath away, doesn't it?
21:55Yes, why...
21:56Magnificent quality.
21:57Look at that lovely colour.
21:59It must be worth at least 200 pounds.
22:01Oh, really?
22:02Here.
22:03Try it on.
22:06Perfect.
22:08It really suits you.
22:10Oh.
22:11Not everyone has mink, my dear.
22:14No.
22:15I'm afraid you mustn't expect a Christmas present.
22:18Fifty pounds is rather more than I intended to spend.
22:22I would take you out to lunch to celebrate that I'm running rather late.
22:27I have to fit Mr. Gorman's dentures.
22:29Oh, and I shall be home late tonight.
22:32Inlays.
22:34Nine o'clock I should think.
22:36Perhaps even ten.
22:38Run along, dearest.
22:40And consider yourself a very lucky woman.
22:45All right, Mr. Gorman.
22:57Go.
22:58Wait for me.
22:59Ah.
23:00Are you done?
23:02Oh.
23:03Wait for me.
23:07Oh.
23:08Oh.
23:09Oh.
23:10Wait for me.
23:11Ah.
23:12Dang, Don.
23:13Oh.
23:14Oh.
23:15Oh.
23:16Thank you, Mrs. Bixby.
23:46Thank you, Mrs. Bixby.
24:16Thank you, Mrs. Bixby.