PG Podcast With Roxanne & Buck 10-4-19
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00:00Buck, I had a revelation this week, this weekend, I should say, totally solidified the idea
00:07in case I didn't realize it before.
00:09Parenting is hard.
00:11Oh, man.
00:12It is really difficult.
00:14The honeymoon is over.
00:15The honeymoon is over.
00:17I don't mean...
00:18It's never been said better.
00:20I'm not sending her back, but...
00:21Yeah.
00:23I had a serious...
00:25I had to come to Jesus with her, with myself, with Doug, with everybody in the household.
00:30We had to make some changes.
00:32There's nothing to rethink your life like having a kid.
00:36Right, right.
00:37Nothing.
00:38It changes everything.
00:39So this is the inciting moment for me.
00:42So I realize a lot of our life is we're so busy.
00:47And being a working mom, she's bombarded with different...
00:50She goes to school.
00:50She also has different grandmothers and nannies that take care of her.
00:54So she has the benefit of a lot of different stimulation.
00:57We do stuff.
00:58We are go, go, go on the weekend.
01:00We go out of town.
01:01We do activities.
01:01We go to birthday parties.
01:03We keep her engaged.
01:04I mean, she's not, like, stuck at home all the time by any means.
01:07No.
01:08Well, this past weekend, I said, let's chill, family.
01:11Let's relax.
01:12And we don't have much scheduled, so let's just stay at home.
01:15And in that downtime with her, I started to realize what I used to think was good because
01:22she talked so much and she was able to ask for what she wanted is really demanding bratty
01:27behavior.
01:28I got to get my list.
01:29Okay.
01:30Go.
01:30Go get your list.
01:31Keep talking.
01:31Keep talking.
01:32I'm going to grab this list and I'm going to be a list.
01:33Okay.
01:33I do.
01:34I think it's crazy that once a child reaches a certain age, you know, you start seeing
01:40this attitude or these personality traits come out and you're like, where did you learn
01:45that?
01:46Did you learn that at school?
01:47Yes.
01:47Because I know I didn't teach you that.
01:49I know.
01:51It's crazy.
01:52I see the child becoming kind of bratty, crying over not getting a luxury.
02:00What they want.
02:01You know, a cookie, something like that.
02:03You got to teach him.
02:04I understand it.
02:04Right now is so hard.
02:07So hard.
02:08We had an episode last night that was just, oh my God.
02:12My wife tried to put my son to bed and he was not having it.
02:16He wanted me.
02:17He wanted me to put him to bed.
02:18And it's like, no.
02:20The bedtime routines have turned nightmarish around our house.
02:23And that's what started a lot of this too.
02:26In addition to just the demands for everything.
02:28So one of the things I honed in on that was the problem is nutrition.
02:34And I kind of pat myself on the back because she's such a good eater.
02:37Like she eats a variety of things.
02:38And that's kind of all you want at this stage because a lot of times kids are picky eaters.
02:41They don't eat.
02:42But, and I try to say, okay, well, she doesn't eat too much sugar.
02:46Buck, she was lying in bed at night.
02:47And I don't know if Jackson's ever done stuff like this.
02:50Demanding apple juice and figs to eat in bed.
02:53And sometimes we're so tired, we acquiesce.
02:56You know, sometimes we just say, okay, fine, here you go.
02:59And I said, what has happened to us?
03:01And the sugar in the apple juice is just deadly.
03:05I mean, I know that's dramatic.
03:07But basically they tell you, I started doing the research.
03:09They tell you kids shouldn't have more than 25 grams of sugar a day.
03:13We always do the half and half.
03:14But if she chugs, you know, five, eight ounce glasses of half and half apple juice,
03:18that's like 140 grams of sugar a day.
03:20So I woke up on Sunday morning and I said, I am going through everything in this.
03:26No more apple juice.
03:28Actually, we did kind of wiener off it.
03:29Okay.
03:30Cut her off cold turkey.
03:31Oh, man.
03:32Kooky.
03:33No, that was even like watching someone go through withdrawals.
03:36And then I, Doug was like, will you please sleep in at 4 a.m.?
03:40I'm in my cabinets.
03:41And, you know, when you go through cabinets, it's loud.
03:43And I'm just taking everything out.
03:44I'm reading every label.
03:45How much sugar is in this?
03:46Boom.
03:47Yeah.
03:47Trash can.
03:48I'm sorry.
03:48Wasting food.
03:49Some of it I didn't throw away.
03:50Some of it I hid.
03:51So she couldn't see it and say, I want that.
03:53I want that.
03:53I want that.
03:54Right.
03:54But that's what I started with.
03:56That was my big major change I had to make this week.
03:58And I think things have gotten better.
04:01Not quite better.
04:02Not 100%.
04:03But that's step one.
04:05That's tough because.
04:06Have you gone through that?
04:07A little bit.
04:09A little bit.
04:10With apple juice specifically or just sugar in general or just.
04:13Yeah.
04:14Yeah.
04:14With sugar, but not apple juice.
04:15I did not know that apple juice had that much sugar.
04:18It's 40 grams of sugar per eight ounce, roughly.
04:22We've gotten him.
04:23We get the little Capri Sun apple juice ones.
04:27And they're very good.
04:28But he's let me know I've got some ones that are like not generic, but it's like dragon passion
04:34fruit.
04:34And it tastes like water.
04:36He refuses to drink them.
04:37And he won't drink those.
04:38He has to have the sugar he wants.
04:39He has to have the sugar.
04:40But yeah, we try to do no sugar in my house at all, you know, constantly on and off keto
04:45diets and stuff.
04:46So it's pretty.
04:47For the adults.
04:47For the adults.
04:48Yeah.
04:48I'm not putting my son on keto.
04:50Okay.
04:52But yeah, I try to be conscious of it.
04:54But every time you go to Publix, there's a free cookie.
04:58Mm hmm.
04:59You know, all his friends.
05:00I mean, there's a birthday at his school every week.
05:03So there's cupcakes.
05:04Yes, I know.
05:05And in society, that's how we've taught kids.
05:08That's what love is.
05:09That's what fun is.
05:10You're right.
05:11All the celebratory moments are accentuated by a cupcake.
05:16You ever just look at what you feed your kid and you just think, wow, is this going
05:22to make them grow into like a human, not a human, but a grown up human?
05:27I know.
05:27Like, was I raised on chicken nuggets?
05:30Yes.
05:30Dino Bites.
05:31Those are pretty good.
05:31Dino Bites at Costco.
05:32So there's, yeah.
05:34But still, I've asked that.
05:35That's what made me think of it.
05:36Is that Dino Bites?
05:37Are they going to turn into a dinosaur or a real human?
05:39What's going to happen here?
05:40So I wrote down all the things that we need to correct.
05:43And we started with the sugar reduction.
05:45Behavior to demanding.
05:47Demanding TV.
05:48She demands TV all the time.
05:50Same.
05:51Okay.
05:52Jackson tells you what he wants to watch when he wants to watch it.
05:54And it's like all the time.
05:55Oh, and now I'm going, is it on TV or is it on Netflix or Amazon Prime?
05:59And I'm just, I'm like, I don't know where it is.
06:01I know.
06:01And he's like, hurry up, dad.
06:04I'm like, don't you tell me to hurry up.
06:06I'll turn this whole thing off.
06:07It's terrible.
06:09It's terrible.
06:09Okay.
06:10So we also have the pacifier.
06:11We still use a pacifier at two and a half years old.
06:13Come on.
06:14Yeah.
06:14Now, come on.
06:16Mm-hmm.
06:16Yeah.
06:17I know my name is Buck.
06:18Hey, it's on, it's on my, but you can get Buck T.
06:21I know.
06:22If you let them do it too long.
06:23I know that.
06:24Yes.
06:24Yeah.
06:24So it's, it's, we're going to have to pay for it in braces.
06:28She's, she's almost two and a half.
06:30Yeah.
06:30Yeah.
06:31You're going to, you know, one day we just, we cold turkeyed it.
06:34Mm-hmm.
06:34I just said, no.
06:35Yeah.
06:36Give me that.
06:36Here's a blankie.
06:38And luckily Jackson never sucked his thumb or anything like that.
06:41It, you know what the problem is?
06:42It does pacify them.
06:45Yeah.
06:45Hence the word.
06:46It works.
06:46If you're like, okay, just relax, sit down.
06:49Here's your.
06:49Oh, wait, you know what we did?
06:51So he had a pacifier that was connected to a.
06:54A stuffed animal.
06:54A stuffed animal elephant.
06:55Yep.
06:55So I cut the pacifier off the elephant.
06:59Mm-hmm.
06:59And then I kept giving him the elephant.
07:01And he, he'd look for it and they wouldn't find it.
07:04And I'd be like, I don't know where it went.
07:06I think it's just gone.
07:07Right.
07:07Oh, and then it worked.
07:09That's.
07:09Okay.
07:10This is the one thing that worked for me.
07:11Okay.
07:12So you do have good parenting advice in that regard.
07:15I know you have great parenting advice.
07:16I got one.
07:16I need to follow that.
07:18Okay.
07:18So then I just wrote down, Roxanne.
07:19I'm writing to myself.
07:21We set the rules.
07:23She's smart enough to understand that.
07:25And kids just want at the end.
07:27Okay.
07:27So Sunday I clear the house out of all the food and the sugar and on her withdrawal day,
07:32no TVs, no electronic devices.
07:35This was a tough day for her.
07:36And that's when I realized, realized, holy.
07:40Yeah.
07:41Parenting is hard because the whole day I just had to be engaged with her, not had to,
07:46I enjoyed it.
07:46Right.
07:47But it's exhausting.
07:48Work.
07:49Yes.
07:49So much work.
07:50And I just have to remind myself, okay, she loves interaction.
07:53She loves learning.
07:53She loves warmth and to laugh.
07:56So let me, let me ask you something.
07:57It's hard to give a human that all day long.
08:00Yes.
08:01There comes a point where you're like, okay, we're going to take an hour break on this love.
08:06Right.
08:06Let me just, yeah.
08:07What did you guys do all day with no sweets and no TV?
08:11We did puzzles.
08:13We did Play-Doh.
08:14We did, oh, another thing too, worked on a lot of letters and numbers.
08:19Yeah, that's good.
08:19And I realized she's good.
08:21Like she likes to, she can tell you a story about an apple.
08:25You're like, hey, what's A for?
08:26Okay, apple.
08:27She'll tell you a story about it.
08:28She doesn't want to identify the letter.
08:29And I realized, Roxanne, if you want her to learn certain skill sets, she's stubborn.
08:33You got to, there's something she needs to learn.
08:35You have to kind of force her to do it and put the time in.
08:38Yeah.
08:38So we did letters and numbers, we did cooking, and we also did dance, dance around the house.
08:45But it, Buck, it was, I mean, that's, that's child rearing.
08:49That's how you're supposed to do it.
08:50So everything you did was inside.
08:53No, we did do something outside that day.
08:54Was Sunday good?
08:55I feel like we did something outside.
08:57Yeah.
08:57Maybe she took, oh, she took a walk with daddy.
08:59That's right.
08:59Perfect.
09:00Yep.
09:00She went in the stroll.
09:01Because dads do the outside thing.
09:02I was too, it was way too hot for me.
09:04I was in a bad mood again because it's hot again.
09:06So then.
09:07And you're pregnant.
09:07And I'm pregnant.
09:07Yeah, you get an excuse.
09:09Yes, I do.
09:10And so the other thing I was thinking is, okay, so we got through this week and we had
09:15another really big setback yesterday, last night.
09:19So Doug was gone during the day and he didn't get home until about 9.30 at night.
09:25So he calls me and I said, the house is clean.
09:27There's dinner for you in the fridge.
09:29Everything.
09:30I need to go to bed at a decent time tonight.
09:32I said, we have a little problem right now.
09:33I cannot get her to take off her wedding dress.
09:36Her nice, fancy wedding dress that she wore to a wedding.
09:40She's obsessed with dress-up clothes and would not take it off and would not put her pajamas
09:45on.
09:45Yeah.
09:46I'm her parent.
09:46Why can't I make her do that?
09:47Well, that's a whole other story.
09:48But as you know from our offer discussion, I didn't get any sleep the prior night.
09:51So when you don't get sleep, you can't enforce the rules.
09:55It's a lot harder to.
09:56So I said, you have one task when you, I mean, I'm not this bossy to death, but I was like,
10:00hey, honey, do this for me, please.
10:02She's in her, she's in her fancy dress.
10:04If you can just get her in her PJs.
10:06So sure enough, he comes home real sweet to her.
10:09Oh, daddy, I missed you.
10:10They were having fun.
10:11And then he tried to coerce her into changing and it was a screaming match.
10:16Oh man.
10:16And when I woke up this morning and kissed her goodbye for school, I looked, I mean,
10:20for work, I looked and she still had the wedding dress on.
10:23So she is ruling the roost.
10:26So anyways, we had a setback, but we talked today and I said, you know what?
10:28Pat ourselves on the back.
10:29We did the sugar thing this week.
10:30We accomplished the sugar thing.
10:32So I, sorry for pulling out my phone.
10:33I'm going to text my wife and see if she can send me the audio of my son last night.
10:38Oh, let's do it.
10:39Making the, like crying, his new thing.
10:43Is to like cry act?
10:44Say the same word over and over again.
10:46Like if I want a cupcake, he goes, I want a cupcake.
10:48I want a cupcake.
10:49I want a cupcake.
10:50I want a cupcake.
10:51I want a cupcake.
10:51A hundred times.
10:52A hundred times.
10:56And that's what he was doing for cupcakes last night?
10:59No, no.
10:59He wanted to sleep in our, in our bed.
11:02First he wanted me to put him to sleep, but I was busy.
11:05Right.
11:06And then, so after my wife tried to, um, he wanted, he wanted to go sleep in our bed,
11:12which is not allowed.
11:14Nope.
11:14You can wake up in the middle of the night and you can come to our bed, but you start
11:18your sleep in your bed.
11:20And you fall asleep in your bed.
11:21And you fall asleep.
11:21Yeah.
11:22And he, no, I want to go to mommy, daddy room.
11:24I want to go to mommy, daddy room.
11:26A hundred times.
11:27I was like.
11:28I know.
11:29He's like a zombie possessed.
11:31Right.
11:31I was like, what is happening?
11:32I know.
11:32And that scares you.
11:33Cause then you're like, is this child possessed?
11:35Have you ever thought that sometimes?
11:38Yeah.
11:38Yeah.
11:38I have.
11:39The temper tantrums.
11:40They may, every parent has, I'm sure every parent has been like, Oh my gosh, there's something
11:44wrong with my kid, but that's how they all.
11:45Yeah.
11:46But the repeating too drives you nuts.
11:48That'll make you insane.
11:49It's like an emergency situation, but it's not.
11:52He's screaming about something he wants and he doesn't know how to express it.
11:56And we don't know what to do.
11:58Right.
11:58Oh, I wanted to give him a spanking so bad.
12:01My wife was like, don't do it.
12:02So, so you want to spank.
12:04You haven't spanked yet though.
12:05Or have you?
12:05I spanked him once.
12:07Um, like when he's running out from a car or something.
12:09No, no.
12:10When he's acting up, throwing food or something, something where it was very well deserved.
12:15And I, we did, we decided not to spank him anymore, but I believe that there is, you
12:22have to do something.
12:23Right.
12:24There has to be a consequence and he's still learning and I'm not going to like spank him
12:28hard, but I just want him to know absolutely unacceptable.
12:32What you're doing right now is unacceptable.
12:34Of course.
12:35I want to be able to, when we're in public, give him the look and he, he remembers the
12:40moment he got spanked that one time.
12:42Right.
12:43And I want to be able to look at him and be like, buddy, you know, it's going to happen.
12:47As soon as we get in the car, you know, what's happening.
12:49I need that fear in him.
12:51Sure.
12:52Not that I'll ever do it.
12:54But you need him to know that you have that bag of tricks or you have that trick in your
12:58bag.
12:58Yes.
12:59That's it.
13:00Oh, well, you know what I want to do too is as we're talking, I want to see, because
13:05do you, okay.
13:06How were you as a kid?
13:07Were you this, did your mom or dad tell you you were this bratty or?
13:10I.
13:10I mean, Jackson's a great kid, so, but you know what I mean.
13:13I happen to be a perfect angel.
13:14Me too.
13:15Growing up.
13:15Me too.
13:16Well, not until my teenage years.
13:19Made up for then.
13:19But no, I was, I was a good baby and my sister was the nightmare and I was the older sister
13:26and I remember her being a nightmare.
13:28And so, but yeah, but as a, as a good kid and thinking back to what I can remember when
13:35I was three years old, I had, I did have respect and fear of my mom.
13:40So maybe my mom was doing a better job than me instilling that fear, but then my sister
13:44came along and was, didn't, didn't fear anything.
13:46So it is very personality driven, but you know what I think we should do?
13:50We should talk to a psychologist and child psychologist maybe, and see, you know, what
13:57are, what are the parameters?
13:59When do you have to worry?
14:01Your child's an absolute nutcase.
14:03Like.
14:03Let's do it.
14:04Yeah.
14:05I need help.
14:06Okay.
14:06Okay.