Therapy Thursday: Is Dressing Sexy For Halloween At 50 Years Old Wrong?
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00:00It is Therapy Thursday, 888-429-0941.
00:03If you got a query, then we got a therapist for you.
00:06Dr. Davi is here.
00:07Yes, yes.
00:08Meredith M.D. is in the building.
00:10Good morning.
00:11With her ring light.
00:13I'm trying it out.
00:14I mean, I bought it.
00:15I want to use it and see if I like it.
00:17You're still using it.
00:18That's right.
00:18We had a big ring light fight in here, but apparently a lot of ring lighters are saying that.
00:23Yeah, right.
00:25Even guys are saying that you should get one.
00:26Right, but we don't know if they're guys.
00:28Like, you know what I'm saying?
00:29Like, they might just be saying that for the argument because I made the comment that most guys don't.
00:33Most guys don't care about their light.
00:34Isn't that so feminine that you guys are scared to buy your own ring light?
00:37You know, it's not.
00:38Being pretty is feminine.
00:40Like, trying to be pretty.
00:42Oh, there you go.
00:43I was like, well, you guys are both so pretty.
00:44Primping and trying to be pretty.
00:45It's like, you know, like, Davi, like, yo, I woke up like this.
00:47Yeah, that's what I do.
00:48I woke up like this.
00:49I put on a jacket.
00:50That's it.
00:51That's it.
00:51That's it.
00:52I get it.
00:52I'm sorry.
00:53All right, so here's the deal.
00:54We do 60-second sessions, so we can try and squeeze folks in here.
00:56You can call or you can text.
00:58Most people text because they don't want people to recognize their voice because they end up asking something.
01:02All right, so who is first?
01:04The first one that came in today was for Meredith.
01:06Meredith.
01:06It says, Meredith, out of 813, I am a polyamorous man.
01:11My wife and I are both consensually non-monogamous.
01:15Whether you agree with it or not, how might a woman want to be approached into engaging in a legit relationship with a poly man?
01:23Okay.
01:24Wow, okay.
01:25So, you've got to be okay with him sleeping around with other women.
01:28I mean, I have been asked to be a part of stuff like this before.
01:32And before, I was asked if I was a unicorn.
01:35Like, there's these secret terms to find out if somebody is actually interested in that lifestyle.
01:40And I turned said person and situations down.
01:45I wasn't into it.
01:46But there's plenty of people out there, especially in Tampa.
01:49I don't know if anybody knows this.
01:51How would a person want to be approached for a situation like that?
01:57I mean, a DM always works.
02:00You've got to get to know the person.
02:02I mean, Tinder, there's no perfect way.
02:04I mean, you want to get to know the person just a little bit because you're going to be starting a relationship with them.
02:09So, you've got to bring it up, I would say, somewhat soon into the conversation.
02:14And you weren't a unicorn?
02:15I was not a unicorn.
02:16No.
02:17No.
02:17I was asked at nightclubs.
02:19Did you feel bad?
02:19No, not at all.
02:21Did you let down?
02:21I didn't want to get involved in that.
02:25It sounds messy.
02:26Let me just tell you this.
02:27And this is, you know, you said believe it or not, or if you buy into it or not, you just want to know how to approach them.
02:32This is your lifestyle, so I want you to get something out of it.
02:35I believe that I've watched enough movies with this theme that I could give you a recommendation.
02:42And I think your girl needs to invite somebody that both of you are interested in out for drinks or out to dinner for a girl's dinner where you're not there.
02:53And then she can broach the conversation with the girl.
02:57And if she's into it, then you can be invited to the remix.
03:01Just because it's a little bit easier to have the woman ask?
03:04Yeah, it's less rapey.
03:05Okay.
03:06Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
03:08I mean, it's just like guys are not good with asking for stuff that are outside the norms.
03:14Ladies can have those conversations.
03:15Maybe that's why I turned it down, because each in one of those situations, when I was asked, it was always a guy.
03:19And it's always a guy, and you never know if the guy has gotten the permission of the lady, so you're pensive.
03:25Even if you wanted to get into it, having a guy do it is just kind of like a hustle.
03:30So have the girl reach out and say, hey, me and my husband, we're looking at your pictures, and we do this.
03:35I don't want you offended if you don't.
03:37Yeah.
03:38That's cool.
03:38But if you do, he's waiting outside with the car off.
03:41Right.
03:41And do it sooner rather than later.
03:43Exactly.
03:43So y'all are wasting time.
03:44All right.
03:45Orlando, I have a question for you.
03:47My husband and I got into an argument about Halloween.
03:51I said I wanted to dress as a slutty witch, because why not?
03:55We have no kids, and I'm turning 50, so I thought, well, this feels fun.
03:59He said I'm too old, and I shouldn't dress like a teenager for Halloween.
04:03To drive the point home, he bought a slutty pirate costume for himself, and I was dying laughing.
04:09And I'm not sure what the lesson was, but we still have this conversation to this day.
04:13He doesn't like me dressing too sexy because of my age now.
04:18So should I keep doing what I want and keep dressing sexy or no?
04:24Play to your audience.
04:25That's my question.
04:26My answer is play to your audience.
04:28If your man is your focus, play to your man.
04:31Don't play to everybody else that's out there in them streets.
04:33That's why people who do it for the gram and do it for the fans and do it for all of those different venues
04:38don't have good, solid stuff at home because they're focusing on the outside.
04:43Be inwardly focused.
04:44You have an audience of one man, so do what makes him happy.
04:47Now, realize he's probably not good with it because, A, he don't want that smoke
04:52because he don't want dudes coming up to you and trying you
04:54and putting your love to the test at every party you go to.
04:58On top of that, maybe he don't want you playing yourself because you're his partner
05:02and that kind of sucks because if you were doing it and now can't do it,
05:07then that means you've transitioned.
05:08You know, so that sucks.
05:10Dobby wants to jump in.
05:11Go ahead.
05:12We've all seen somebody that's outside just looking wrong.
05:16And I think...
05:17You don't want that to be your lady.
05:18Right.
05:19Inevitably, the question always comes to, like,
05:21why did so-and-so let you leave the house like that?
05:25I think he might be low-key trying to do you a favor.
05:28I'm just saying.
05:30You might have a point there.
05:32He's like, listen, I don't want people talking about you.
05:34Yeah, I don't want you.
05:35I love you.
05:36The older lady's wearing the super short miniskirts.
05:38Yeah, we don't need all that.
05:40I mean, you know, all right.
05:42A more mature woman, I should say.
05:43We got Megan on the phone.
05:45Hey, Megan, how you doing this morning?
05:47Good, how are you?
05:48Pretty good.
05:48You got a question for which doc?
05:52You Orlando.
05:54Okay, what's your question?
05:55Okay, so I went through a divorce, and I'm glad I got out of that.
06:00But now I'm with another man, and my previous husband, he messed up my credit really bad.
06:12And so my current future husband is wanting me to file bankruptcy.
06:21And I'm kind of in a, do I do like a credit consolidation, or do I do bankruptcy to appease him kind of?
06:30Okay.
06:30I don't know what to do.
06:31And you're getting, and you guys are getting married?
06:35Yeah.
06:35Okay, to the new guy.
06:37Yes.
06:38Okay.
06:38Well, he gets a different vote, because he is the person you're going to have as a partner.
06:42So while he's probably not in the bankruptcy plane, he's trying to protect your joining his.
06:50It might be better for him, and I don't know this to be true, but a business manager can look at his, basically, his net worth, and say, joining up with you without a bankruptcy would probably be a lot more detrimental.
07:04So he's looking out for the unit, because he's probably in a better standing, so y'all could finance stuff, so y'all could have some growth, and stuff like that.
07:12So this, it seems like it's one-sided, but it might be a better outcome on the outside.
07:17But I'm only giving you that as a layman's.
07:20I'm not giving you that as a professional.
07:21I think the conversation has to be had with you and him, because you do have this credit that you have to fix.
07:28Start fixing it now.
07:29Maybe a bankruptcy, I've seen people do that kind of protection, where they can turn it around.
07:35And if he's able to do that without you dragging him down, so your unit doesn't get dragged down, then maybe that's a better move.
07:41You know what I'm saying?
07:42Yeah.
07:43Like, if it was just him looking for himself, that would seem selfish.
07:48But I think you shine on the better side of it if he can get you to protect yourself.
07:54But make sure you consult a lawyer or something like that, just to make sure, because this is business.
08:00And marriages should be treated like a business.
08:03So you're doing it right.
08:05Okay.
08:06Awesome.
08:07No problem.
08:07You guys are going to have to issue an apology to all the 50-year-old women out there that are mad texting in right now.
08:12Wait, I didn't say that about 50-year-old women.
08:14Just saying.
08:15Why they mad at me?
08:16Because you guys called them old.
08:18No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:21Davi said that.
08:22I didn't say that.
08:22Okay.
08:23You know what?
08:24Not all 50-year-olds are equal.
08:27Well, some of you guys are out there probably killing it, but some of y'all are probably out there looking wrong.
08:32Same way at the gym.
08:33There's people out there who kill it at the gym, and there's people out there who just at the gym.
08:37Yeah.
08:37So it's a difference.
08:38Don't be mad.
08:39I wanted y'all to clarify.
08:40Hey, listen, all y'all know y'all do go too slutty for Halloween.
08:44Stop being mad, okay?
08:46Stop being mad.
08:47Nobody's calling you old.
08:48Everybody's just saying that, listen, it was a time Halloween was about boo, boo.
08:54It was scary.
08:55And then all of a sudden, everybody, I want to be a nurse, but I'm a slutty nurse.
08:59I want to be a nun, but I'm a slutty nun.
09:00I want to be the mayor, but I'm going to be a slutty mayor.
09:02I want to be like, you know, like.
09:03There's mayor costumes?
09:05Yeah, just have your boob out.
09:06Okay.
09:07But I'm just saying everything is slutty now, and so some men out there, A, don't want
09:11to fight at the club because some dude is going to disrespect his slutty wife, or don't
09:15want people laughing at his slutty wife because they don't love you like I love you.
09:19Like, whatever it is, listen to your team.
09:22Yeah.
09:22They looking out for you.
09:23Yeah, they have your best interest.
09:23You coming home with me, I want to make sure I ain't got to fight for your love.
09:27But if she feels confident in what she's wearing, you know, you can't control her.
09:31Listen, I'm confident naked, but I know I ain't supposed to be.
09:34I'm just confident.
09:35All right, I have one for Davi.
09:37Davi.
09:38All right, my husband cheated on me four years ago, and I just found out eight months
09:44ago.
09:44We've been together for 10 years with four kids, but I'm having a hard time forgiving
09:48him.
09:49The girl was my best friend.
09:51Should I just throw in the towel or keep trying?
09:54Oh.
09:55Wow, that's a tough one.
09:57Can't suggest killer, but man.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Think about it.
09:59That sounds almost like something that you can't even come back from, but it's been eight
10:06months.
10:06You have decided that you and your husband are going to keep moving forward.
10:11And if that's the decision that you ultimately made, then I think you got to kind of have
10:17to stick with it.
10:18That girl is definitely not your best friend.
10:20Meredith is shaking her head.
10:21No, I don't think you have to stick with it.
10:23I think she doesn't know what to do.
10:25Well, I think she does know.
10:26It's a fluid situation.
10:26I think she does know what to do.
10:28I think this lack of trust and him stepping out was horrible.
10:34It was reprehensible, but I think she has made the decision that it's not worth losing
10:39her family over.
10:40And if you have made that decision, you have to do everything in your power to try to move
10:44past it, to not bring it up anytime you guys have arguments, and to just try to improve
10:51upon your relationship, your communication, if it means therapy, if it just means better
10:57communication, better alone time, whatever it may be, if you guys made that decision to
11:02make this marriage work out, you're not in that boat by yourself.
11:05There's a lot of relationships that somebody stepped out and they figured out a way to make
11:10it work.
11:11Yeah.
11:11Sometimes you made the wrong decision by trying.
11:14Yeah.
11:14And you can reverse that decision.
11:16Y'all are on a roll today.
11:18Y'all just trying to break up.
11:19What do you think?
11:20Like Dobby was being nice for a change and you want to break them up.
11:24You're going to stay with somebody that slept with your best friend?
11:28I'm mad at the best friend.
11:29That's my best friend.
11:30I'm mad at my husband.
11:31I'm mad at my best friend too.
11:32Of course.
11:33My best friend's been here longer than the husband.
11:35Probably.
11:36Yeah.
11:36They're both dirty.
11:37Right.
11:38Yeah.
11:38Both gone.
11:38But if it was a one-time thing, one mistake, is that really worth losing your whole family
11:44over and kids?
11:44That's worth the discussion right there.
11:46That's worth the discussion.
11:47Because sometimes one mistake, you can look past it.
11:50I can't.
11:50I can never flip past that.
11:51You know, you caught Anthony with that booger sugar that time.
11:53What?
11:54You just let it go.
11:55What?
11:56That never happened.
11:58Anthony caught you with them two strippers.
12:00You know what I'm saying?
12:01Like, I mean, it was one time.
12:03Oh, my God.
12:04Anyway.
12:05All right.
12:05Let's see.
12:05Meredith.
12:06Dr. Meredith, are you ready?
12:07Yes.
12:08Meredith MD, it says,
12:09If my ex did things for me like pedicures and massages, and I love that, but my new wife
12:16will not, how do I get her to understand that this is something that makes me happy?
12:22Okay.
12:23Well, I mean, a conversation is always good.
12:26It sounds pretty selfish a little bit.
12:30Pedicures, what was on the list for him?
12:32Massages and pedicures.
12:33Okay.
12:34He said his ex did massages and pedicures.
12:36Well, you got to reciprocate.
12:37He's trying to get that from the new one, and the new one won't do it.
12:42I would just say, go to get a mani-pedi at a place.
12:46If you want, like, a foot massage or something like that, yeah, I mean, I'm there to help
12:49you out.
12:50I'm sure she'd be down to help out, but you cannot expect your woman that you're dating
12:55right now to be the same as your ex.
12:57I mean, you guys broke up for a reason.
12:59Now you're with this girl for a reason.
13:00So, you know, not everybody's going to be and do the same things.
13:04It was nice, but there was also a reason that you had to throw away that relationship.
13:08So, you can ask her.
13:10Other than that, I mean, she's probably not going to do it all the time.
13:13Is it cool to be able to tell people what it is that you liked, though?
13:17Like, I like this.
13:18Is that in the realm?
13:20Like, why not ask?
13:21Of course, you can say you like it, but you cannot expect them to be the same as your ex.
13:25I'm not saying you expect them to.
13:27I'm just asking, is it okay for somebody to say, hey, I really enjoyed this part of
13:32it.
13:32Is this something you're cool with?
13:33Like, some ladies don't mind prepping for their man or clipping their man's toenails.
13:37I think it's okay, but you also have to be ready for it to go the other way.
13:40There might be something that she likes or that she's into that you're not fond of and
13:46you have to be ready to bite the bullet.
13:47I love foot massages for my ex, but Anthony's not massaging my feet and I brought up plenty of
13:52tests.
13:53Okay, so you're just like this man.
13:55You brought it up.
13:56Now I pay somebody to massage my feet and paint my toenails.
14:00You can always, you know, find a way to, you know, make your happiness.
14:04It's different if you let somebody who loves you do it, though.
14:07It does.
14:08It always leads to sex.
14:09That's why.
14:10You manicured that toe, suck that toe.
14:14You have time for one more?
14:16Yeah, we'll squeeze one.
14:17This one's for anybody.
14:18It says, I've been with my wife now for 15 years.
14:21Since we were 17 years old, we have three boys and all of a sudden my wife has been working
14:25out like crazy.
14:26She's lost over 80 pounds.
14:28She's looking amazing.
14:29We still go out and party together, but my family has noticed that she never posts me
14:34or any pictures of us on social media.
14:37Should I be worried?
14:38I post her, all her achievements all the time.
14:41She belonged to the streets.
14:42What?
14:43Stop it.
14:44Okay, never mind.
14:45This is fixable.
14:46Yeah.
14:47She likes the new attention.
14:48Y'all just being nice just to be nice because you know damn well if this was Lifetime or
14:51something like that.
14:52The lady working out that doesn't post her man.
14:54Right, I get it.
14:55That doesn't look like she's married on social.
14:57She likes the new attention.
14:58Who's lost 80 pounds or whatever it is.
15:01She's getting it.
15:02Mm-hmm.
15:03Motivation from somewhere.
15:05The it is motivation.
15:06Yeah.
15:06I didn't say she having sex.
15:07Right, yeah.
15:07But she's motivated by something else than you.
15:10It's compliments from other men in her DMs mostly.
15:13And probably where that goes, she giving up to me good.
15:16Oh, no.
15:17I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt.
15:19They've been together 15 years since they were 17 years old.
15:22And she's growing up.
15:23They have three kids together.
15:24All she's doing, she's just feeling herself.
15:26This is a new body.
15:27This is new attention.
15:28She doesn't post him.
15:29He said he posts her successes.
15:32Yeah.
15:32He posts her on his gram.
15:34She doesn't post him on hers.
15:36No, that means that you're getting your walls redecorated.
15:38No, it doesn't.
15:39That's what that means.
15:40With just that and nothing else, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.
15:43I mean, that's what that means.
15:44Don't that mean?
15:46That's what that means?
15:47Yeah, pretty much.
15:48That's what that means.
15:48That's not love.
15:49Yeah, it is.
15:50You know, so I want to know what love is.
15:53What it isn't is not putting me on your ground.
15:55You out here in them streets and you working out and doing all that stuff you're doing.
15:59You know what it is.
16:00You're feeding too much into it.
16:01Maybe it hasn't happened yet.
16:03You got to bring it up, though.
16:04She belonged to the streets.
16:05You don't know that.
16:06Y'all embrace the fact she-
16:08She's not done.
16:08I will give her, at least give her through the holidays.
16:11Now, if she doesn't do anything Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year, I'm beside with O.
16:15Yeah.
16:16No, don't fall for it.
16:17Let me tell you.
16:18Somebody who has fallen for way too much in my smart life, I will tell you, don't fall
16:23for it.
16:23Them holiday pictures, that hit different because everybody get emotional.
16:28And holiday pictures ain't made for that.
16:30Holiday pictures just say, hey, we're spending the holidays together.
16:33So, if she posts him up for the Christmas-
16:35With my family that I love.
16:36Right.
16:36She posts him up for Christmas and he going to hold on to that like, see, I'm on the ground
16:40with her.
16:41It's Christmas.
16:42Even Jeffrey Dahmer got a mama.
16:45Like, you know what I'm saying?
16:46Like, there's a lot of people out in them streets, just hoeing in them streets that got
16:49a family on holidays.
16:50Don't let holiday pictures gauge how you feel about people because everybody got a family
16:55on holiday.
16:56Everybody is going to take holiday photos.
16:57Right.
16:58So, don't let that do it.
16:59So, what is it then?
17:00If that's the one picture you own on their gram, it's dead.
17:03It's dead.
17:05It's gone.
17:06It's gone.
17:06Someone just texted, I'm dead with Orlando's comments redecorating our walls.
17:10It's gone.
17:11It's gone.
17:13All right.
17:14We done.
17:14We done.