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00:00surprise gift hazel yeah big surprise from that butcher down at the supermarket you know what's
00:15his name uh who's the oh uh thing brandoff burroughs you had a date with him last week
00:23oh yeah i sure did and you thought he didn't like you well why should he i kept forgetting
00:28his name all night i kept calling him ralph and rupert and rudolph well at least you were close
00:34yeah but his name just don't seem to suit him i always keep forgetting it here i am opening a
00:40present from him and i and i still can't remember it randolph i obviously didn't mind
00:46you don't think so well if he had he wouldn't be sending you a gift yeah look what it is 30 ways
00:54to a better memory
00:55you
00:57you
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02:00mustn't strain your eyes darling you need a little more light thanks honey
02:07here let's just put your feet up on that thank you
02:13here let's just slip this back here there has that all relaxed no i'm extremely tense
02:29yes
02:30why
02:31because i'm wondering how much all this attention is going to cost me
02:34steve don't you think i'm concerned about your comfort
02:37oh sure you are honey sure but but but you always seem to be more concerned on those
02:41days when you've had lunch with mona where did mona take you after lunch today some uh
02:45some new jewelry store or a special fur salon
02:48you just happened to be passing camille's chapeau chapeau oh that's an expensive word
02:55there's this incredible little hat in the window and the incredible price of this incredible hat
03:00what
03:01less than thirty dollars
03:02twenty nine ninety eight
03:03i thought you didn't like hats
03:06well this one's different
03:08but it is a lot of money and i want you to forget i even mentioned it
03:12and you'd never forgive me if i did
03:15well let's see if i can trim thirty dollars out of next month's budget
03:19oh steve you're a sweetheart even if you can't
03:23mr steve how would you like to make an extra fifty bucks
03:26hazel don't tell me you've added clairvoyance to all your other accomplishments
03:30they got this contest going in the newspaper
03:34one hundred dollar prize for the best essay submitted on the perfect boss
03:38sure and i figure when i win i'll spread the money with you fifty fifty
03:42but if you wrote the essay hazel the prize should be all yours
03:45oh no that ain't the way i figure it after all i'd be writing about you
03:49i couldn't enter the contest if i wasn't working for the perfect boss
03:53hazel please please i've had just about all the flattery and special attention i can handle for one evening
03:59well i'm always bragging about you i might as well get paid for it
04:03it ain't only the money we both get our pictures in the newspaper
04:07we would
04:08oh sure right on the front page i got it all figured out i'd lay it on real thick at the beginning
04:14hazel uh it's an amusing idea but i don't think you should enter this contest
04:19why not
04:20oh steve it sounds like fun
04:22i i appreciate your wanting to brag about your boss hazel but
04:26in my position in this town i'm afraid this sort of competition might prove embarrassing
04:30how could you be embarrassed by something
04:32honey please i'd rather hazel not enter the contest that's all
04:35well anything you say
04:37mr steve
04:39maybe you could find some other sort of contest to enter one that doesn't involve personalities
04:43oh sure i got another one going in the magazine
04:46a trip around the world for two but what worries me is when i win who will i take along with me
04:56steve why don't you want hazel to enter you as the perfect boss
05:01barbara you heard me explain why
05:03well i heard but i still don't understand
05:06well i i just don't like the idea of her entering me in a contest like a like a recipe for brownies
05:12or or a prize pig
05:14i think you're afraid you might not win
05:18oh don't be ridiculous i i hadn't even thought of that
05:21you might find out there are other bosses closer to being perfect than you are
05:25and so might hazel
05:26oh
05:27but of course as long as you don't enter no one will ever know if you're less than perfect
05:31i never said i was perfect hazel did
05:33and if she thinks i am that's good enough for me
05:35well what you're doing hazel this oh this is my homework homework i thought homework was for kids
05:50well i'm still a kid at heart
05:52i sure wish uncle steve would let you enter in that perfect boss contest
05:56you'd win easy
05:58well your dad said it might be embarrassing for him and what your dad says goes
06:02hey hazel i got an idea why don't you write about my dad for the contest
06:08mr b
06:09well he was your boss
06:11oh he sure was
06:12and i don't think he'd mind anyway he'd probably never even know about it
06:17no i don't think the local paper has much circulation in saudi arabia
06:23hi
06:33hi
06:34hi
06:35wanna see something pretty
06:36anything to get away from all these whereas's and hitherto's
06:40oh mr williams why can't real estate contracts be simpler
06:44well then people might start reading them and then that would lead to all sorts of complications
06:48wait a minute
06:50oh mr williams they're beautiful
06:53hi friend
06:54hi steve uh just getting a little feminine reaction to a gift
06:57millie have you finished those contracts
06:59not quite mr baxter
07:01well then suppose we end the flower show and get back to work
07:03yes sir
07:12simon legree i presume
07:14i would know you anywhere sir even without your whip
07:17i suppose it's uh it's cruel and unreasonable of me to ask her to do a job huh
07:22she'll get it done
07:23but in handling employees there's a time to be stern and a time to relax take it from me
07:28why should i take it from you
07:29because i just happen to be fred williams the perfect boss
07:34the perfect boss you
07:36laugh go on laugh but you're going to eat crow old buddy
07:41when clara's entry wins first prize and the whole world realizes what till now only a few have known
07:47that i am the perfect boss
07:49you're actually going to let her enter that silly contest
07:52let her i'm encouraging her
07:54why keep the glorious truth about me hidden
07:57and besides it'll give my public image a little added luster
08:00well pal your public image must be pretty tarnished
08:03if you have to rely on your maid to shine it
08:06i'm surprised hazel isn't entering
08:08but then i guess she doesn't feel the same about you as clara feels about me
08:12that's not it at all
08:13as a matter of fact she wanted to enter but i vetoed the idea
08:16well it's just as well old buddy
08:18you always were a sore loser
08:20sore loser
08:21don't bother to order me out i'll just take my roses and go home
08:24is that a peace offering for mona
08:26oh
08:27these long stem beauties are our gift for clara
08:31a token of thoughtful appreciation from the perfect boss
08:35but last night you were so positive it wouldn't be a good thing
08:45well i thought it over and i decided it's not fair to disappoint you just to protect my own feelings
08:54well i thought it over too and i decided you was right it would be embarrassing
08:58but hazel
08:59after all your feelings is more important than me being disappointed i'll get over it
09:04anyway if hazel wants to she can always write about my dad
09:08george
09:09oh well after all he was my boss
09:11he was your boss but he's not now
09:13and if you do enter this contest i think you should write about your present boss
09:17oh well i'll enter it if you want me to mr steve
09:20you will
09:21great
09:22now we'll see who eats crow
09:24eats crow
09:25oh nothing
09:27oh before i forget uh uh i'm bringing some very special prospects here for lunch on friday
09:32uh mr and mrs ryan and a mr and mrs prior
09:36what was that again
09:38uh
09:39i said i'm bringing mr and mrs ryan and a mr and mrs prior here for lunch
09:44on friday at 12 30
09:46i just wanted to make sure i had it right
09:49oh
09:50honey uh i never noticed hazel taking down things i said in a notebook before
10:06mr perfect from now on whatever you say or do goes into your service record
10:12steve make yourself at home
10:19all righty
10:21i'll get the gaskins folder and i'll be right with you
10:23oh don't rush we've got plenty of time
10:25hello steve
10:33welcome to shambles hall
10:37hi mona is uh is clara sick
10:40oh she's suffering from an acute attack of self-importance
10:44self-importance
10:45she's the perfect maid
10:46fred is the perfect boss
10:47and the house is a perfect mess
10:49i see
10:51clara can't waste time vacuuming and emptying ashtrays dusting
10:55destiny calls
10:57the newspaper contest
10:59of course
11:01and there he is now
11:04the perfect boss
11:06alias dr frankenstein
11:08the man who took a reasonably competent housekeeper and turned her into a monster
11:13suppose clara heard you
11:15you think she might get angry enough to quit
11:17that is not funny
11:18uh what happened to your tv set
11:21uh well it's in the kitchen
11:24well we didn't use it that much and besides clara enjoys it
11:29it keeps her from being bored while she's doing nothing
11:32she's using the time to write her essay
11:35oh fred it's only 300 words not war and peace
11:38it's almost noon why don't we have a quick bite of lunch here
11:41yeah sounds fine if it doesn't upset mona's routine
11:44what routine
11:47clara
11:48don't shout at her
11:50when you want her treat her with a little dignity
11:53would you suggest that we send her an engraved invitation to fix us a little lunch
11:57yeah
12:04i hope we didn't disturb you clara
12:06well i was right in the middle of my favorite program
12:09we won't keep you but a minute
12:10about lunch
12:12i was meaning to speak to you about that
12:14there's nothing much
12:16just some of that leftover beef
12:17oh that sounds fine
12:19i'm more in the mood for spaghetti
12:21you are
12:23if leftover beef is good enough for us
12:26clara if you're in the mood for spaghetti
12:28it's spaghetti you shall have
12:29i'll call pancini's and have them sent over an order right away
12:32maybe one of them little antipastos too
12:35why not some caviar for openers
12:37and a nice bottle of imported champagne
12:40served by a quartet of singing waiters
12:42lona
12:48mr williams
12:49how do you spell magnanimous
12:53m-a-g-n-a-n-i-m-o-u-s
12:56i want to be sure i have it right in my essay
12:58we don't want to lose any points for spelling
13:03mr williams
13:05how do you spell delusions of grandeur
13:08well hazel might as well quit before she starts old buddy
13:13king fred is a shoe-in
13:15hazel how would you like to have the television set in the kitchen
13:27television in the kitchen
13:29oh for pete's sake
13:31where did you get that idea
13:33oh i uh
13:34i i i i just thought you might enjoy it
13:37oh no
13:38no when i work i work and when i relax i relax
13:41and i never mix the two
13:43hazel when you finish could i have a little more coffee please
13:46and please some more milk
13:48and another piece of pie please
13:50barbara suzy harold
13:52listen to you
13:54well what did we do
13:55well you you you you're all yelling at poor hazel
13:58coffee milk pie
13:59he ain't yelling at me
14:01and i said please daddy
14:03me too
14:04i think it's about time we started to show a little consideration and practice a bit more self-reliance
14:10we have to stop expecting hazel to do everything for everybody
14:14well pouring coffee and milk and cutting a piece of i ain't gonna wear me out
14:19it's the principle i'm talking about hazel
14:22this family thinks all it has to do is yell hazel and get whatever it wants
14:27we're going to change all that
14:29well if that's what you say
14:31oh i'm uh i'm as guilty as anyone hazel
14:35which reminds me i won't be bringing the rinds and the priors here for lunch on friday
14:40oh cancelled out on you huh
14:42no no no i uh i just thought it would be best to take them to the club to eat
14:48how's the uh how's the essay coming
14:52oh fine
14:53well if you uh if you need any help you know like well with your spelling i mean big words like oh magnanimous
15:01magnanimous you know big words like that just let me know
15:05no i'm just using easy words that everybody can spell
15:08oh well the simplicity can be very profound
15:11if you don't mind i'll start clearing cause i'm going to a movie and the feature starts at 7 12.
15:16hazel hazel you go right ahead barbara and i will clear
15:19oh no i don't want you to do that
15:22i insist kids your excuse
15:24well it is getting a bit late maybe you could stack them and i'll wash them when i get home
15:29no no no barbara and i will we'll we'll wash the dishes hazel
15:33oh no no that's my job
15:36who's the boss around here
15:42you are
15:43all right
15:44now i'm telling you to get ready and go to the movie
15:48you're sure
15:49i'm sure
15:50well all right then i'll return the favor i'll fix my special veal dish you know the one where i marinate the veal over
15:56hazel hazel i don't want you to do that
15:58but it's your favorite
15:59i don't want you to go to all that trouble
16:01from now on we're going to do what's the easiest and the simplest for you
16:04but
16:05that's an order
16:06okay
16:16before i get through with hazel i'll have her absolutely inspired
16:20when you may win hands down as the perfect boss
16:23but at this point you're not even in the running as a passable husband
16:34since when has this been your day off
16:36since i decided i wanted it
16:38though i must say i'm enjoying myself more on my working days
16:43oh what a blast
16:44oh but you you saw me complaining about mr williams
16:48i know hazel you wouldn't believe how that man's changed
16:51maybe i would
16:53this perfect boss contest is the greatest thing since the can opener
16:57i wish it never had to end
16:59are you writing about the way he is now or the way he used to be
17:03well the way he is now
17:04they're looking for the perfect boss not a successor to king com
17:07don't you think he might go back to his old ways after the contest is over
17:12oh sure
17:13but while this cinderella's at the ball she's gonna live it up
17:16oh why don't you change your mind and go to the matinee with me
17:19i've got two perfect seats compliments of the boss
17:22no i'm sorry i got work to do
17:25little wade your boss won't say anything
17:28and if he even looks like he might just ask him to spell magnanimous
17:32i already know how to spell magnanimous i wrote my essay
17:36maybe you hate this contest to end but as far as i'm concerned i wish it had never started
17:45personally i'd like to sue the newspaper
17:48may i join you
17:49the only chance i get to relax anymore is on clara's day off
17:53i never thought steve would ever lose his sense of humor and take it so seriously
17:57the wives are the ones that ought to get the prize
17:59i hate to think of what steve will do if he loses
18:02i hate to think what fred will do if he wins
18:05can you say anything
18:06oh no thank you hazel we're fine
18:08clara was just here miss williams
18:10we're both enjoying her day off
18:12i'm going down to the store i want to pick up some things to wash the windows tomorrow
18:17and i'll pick up the kids at school i'll have plenty of time
18:20hazel doesn't seem to have been affected by all this
18:25not too much
18:26but i think even hazel's feeling the strain of working for the perfect boss
18:31why
18:41oh hi mr williams
18:45Oh, hi, Mr. Williams.
18:57Well, no contracts to type today?
18:59Mr. Baxter told me to relax, to take my time.
19:02He says there are more important things than contracts.
19:06Oh, like reading romance?
19:08He's really mellowed.
19:12Maybe he expects you to enter the contest, too.
19:15Oh, that's a nice, smug look you're wearing.
19:25I will not return insult for insult, because as we both know, I'm magnanimous.
19:30It's going to take more than a few four-syllable words to hide your true character.
19:35Clara finished her essay last night, and I must admit she caught my character very well.
19:39Then you're having a prayer.
19:41A writer friend of mine is going to take a look at it.
19:43Foul!
19:44He's not going to change any of your ideas.
19:47He's just going to polish it up here and there.
19:49Well, I know a couple of writers myself.
19:51Steve, drop out now and save yourself the embarrassment of losing.
19:56I say this to you as a friend.
19:58Thanks, friend.
20:00Well, let's face it.
20:01No man who orders a sensitive woman like Hazel to wash all those windows in that big house of yours
20:06is going to be chosen by anybody for the perfect boss.
20:09I never ordered Hazel to wash the windows.
20:12Mona told me all about it.
20:14Like I said, old buddy, save face and drop out.
20:17Barbara, there's a man looking in the window.
20:32Oh, he's not looking in the window, Hazel.
20:34Oh, he's not looking in the window, Hazel.
20:46He's washing it.
20:48What's he doing that for?
20:54Steve hired a company to come over and wash all the windows.
20:56He wanted to surprise you.
20:58Well, he sure did.
20:59I was on to tell you, but, well, he made me promise.
21:01Oh, it don't matter.
21:02Well, you can use the extra time to polish your essay.
21:05I'm the perfect boss.
21:06I'll polish the silver instead.
21:08I ain't going to turn in the essay.
21:09Oh, Hazel, Steve will be terribly disappointed.
21:12That makes two of us.
21:27Hazel.
21:29Oh, who's from, Marley?
21:30Barbara phoned me.
21:31She said you decided not to enter the contest.
21:33That's right.
21:34Hazel, you can't back out now.
21:36Well, I can't send in what I wrote.
21:39Why not?
21:40Because it ain't true anymore.
21:43When did you write this?
21:44Oh, the other night, before you told me not to enter the contest.
21:49You wrote it in one night?
21:52Oh, sure.
21:53It came easy.
21:54I dashed it off in about an hour.
21:56About how I felt about my work and how easy you was to work for.
22:00Well, but when I read it this morning, it just didn't seem true anymore.
22:05I don't understand.
22:06Well, we don't seem to be able to communicate anymore.
22:10It used to be that if you liked something I did, you said so straight out.
22:13Of course, you used to say so straight out if you didn't like it, too.
22:18But we still communicate.
22:21Oh, no, no, I don't think so.
22:23If you didn't like the way I washed the windows, why didn't you say so straight out?
22:27Instead of sending for a couple of men to do it behind my back.
22:31And you know something?
22:33They're street.
22:33Hazel, I was only trying to make things easier for you.
22:37And if you don't like my veal dish, why do you pretend you like it?
22:41I didn't pretend.
22:43And what's wrong with my meals?
22:45Aren't they good enough to serve to your friends?
22:48The Ryans and the Priors?
22:54Hazel, your lunches are terrific.
22:56I didn't want to impose on you.
22:57And I was getting so nervous with you taking those notes and giving me good marks, bad marks.
23:03These ain't notes.
23:04They're names.
23:05I never can remember names.
23:06And they said the best thing to do is to write them down.
23:12Hazel, I was trying too hard to be a good boss.
23:15Well, you was terrible.
23:17Before, you was perfect.
23:19I'll tell you what.
23:20Let me read what you wrote and I promise I'll go back to my old way of doing things.
23:24Fair enough?
23:25Fair enough.
23:27Good.
23:28And as long as we understand each other, I don't care whether you enter that contest or not.
23:32Well, as long as we understand each other, there's no reason why I shouldn't.
23:37You're going to win hands down.
23:39You know, it's easy to be the perfect boss when you have the perfect employee.
23:43Neither one of us is perfect.
23:45That's going to be our secret.
23:55It's an excellent picture, both of you.
23:59If I see that paper once more, I will not be held accountable.
24:03Spoken like a sore loser.
24:07If you think Fred's taking it hard, you should see Clara.
24:10She's so stunned, she's actually been working.
24:13Oh, I know that's going to be wonderful, Hazel.
24:18It's that great veal dish.
24:20In celebration.
24:21It's one of my favorites.
24:22Oh, no.
24:23I got something special for you, Mr. Williams.
24:26You do?
24:26What is it?
24:27Well, see for yourself.
24:30Oh.
24:31What is it?
24:33Crow.
24:34Crow.
24:35And for dessert, I whipped you up a humble pie.
24:39Oh, no, no, no, no.
25:09Oh, oh, oh, oh.