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00:00This is the end of the video.
00:30I know that Martin was well known in the parish.
00:39He was born, spent his formative years here
00:41before he left for America as a young man.
00:44I'm sure even his short time in Kilna Scully
00:47will spark many a memory among some of you here today.
00:51So as he actually left the parish before I arrived,
00:55I'd like to call on somebody who knew him
00:57to come forward now, one of the congregation,
00:59come forward and say a few kind words about poor Martin.
01:05Don't be shy now.
01:06Let one of you come forward and say a few kind words about the deceased.
01:11Larry, Larry Cummins, you're a great man for speech.
01:15Ah, come on.
01:17There must be one of you who can say a few kind words about the deceased.
01:21His brother was worse.
01:29It is your Kelsey.
01:36Welcome to the Scully.
01:42Now we've come to the party you've all been waiting for,
01:45the grand prize.
01:47And the grand prize is a brand new reconditioned citron pleuriel
01:50donated by Power Motors on the Bally Road, Kilna Scully.
01:56As we say, Power Motors, the power of...
01:59And the winner is...
02:05I got up with it, Willie.
02:17And the winner is...
02:18Gorgie Flanagan.
02:19Well, that was a waste of time anyway.
02:41Dan, but Pete put the power walk in for a while.
02:43No, the girl said they're going to walk beside Gretti till she gets used to the driving.
02:48Did you buy any, Dan?
02:49Raffle tickets.
02:51Yeah, not at all, Jaxie.
02:52I wouldn't waste me money.
02:53Here, throw us on a few pounds there, will you?
02:57Here, what are them things?
02:59Raffle tickets.
03:01Here, hang on straight in those quotes.
03:03Congratulations, Gretti.
03:16I hear you've pulled off the big one.
03:17Oh, stop it, Jaxie.
03:19What I do in my own time is my own business.
03:21But I did win a card.
03:24Jaxie, my little love bug is out the back.
03:26Would you mind if I left a different night?
03:28No problem, Gretti.
03:30Thank you, Jaxie.
03:31Drinks are on me, boys.
03:32Hooray!
03:34I'll have a pint.
03:35Me too, and one for Dan.
03:37Come here, do you not have a license, Gretti?
03:39Just a license to trill, Jimmy.
03:43I'm going to teach her to drive.
03:45She'll pass, no problem.
03:48I could give you lessons too, Timmy.
03:51No, no thank you.
03:53I could teach you to drive as well.
03:56Now's your chance, Timmy.
04:01Come in, Nick.
04:02Over, over.
04:04Where are you, Nick?
04:05Sit, sit.
04:06This is Nick.
04:07Go ahead.
04:07That clown is heading in your general direction.
04:12That feckin' clown.
04:15Do the hiding, do the hiding.
04:16Don't get to you.
04:18Dan says women shouldn't drive.
04:20Is that true?
04:23Yeah.
04:23He says when you get over 15 mile an hour, you just get giddy.
04:27Oh, not much else to get giddy about around here anyway.
04:32Explain yourself, Mr. Glancy.
04:35Yeah, women drivers are dangerous themselves in a minute to society.
04:39Is that so?
04:40Yeah.
04:41And the eye to hand coordination of a woman wouldn't be up to that of a man.
04:44And you drive too slow because you're afraid to drive fast.
04:47And the indecisiveness of the women drivers means you can pull out in the middle of the road there
04:50and you don't know whether you're going left or right.
04:52And when you do decide to go right, you stick your hands out the right hand side window.
04:56Right?
04:56Wrong.
04:57Because you're only drying your feckin' nail varnish.
05:02Good bad, bad guys.
05:03And crucially, women like...
05:05Wait, hear this.
05:06I love this bit.
05:07Special awareness.
05:10Spatial awareness.
05:11You've no spatial awareness.
05:13That's why you always keep bumping into things when you're parking.
05:15Is that so?
05:17Yeah.
05:18Did you ever bump into a car, Mr. Glancy?
05:21No.
05:22A van?
05:24No.
05:24A tractor.
05:25No.
05:26Dan can't drive.
05:32Am I to surmise, Mr. Glancy,
05:35that the foregoing comments were uttered purely for the amusement of the Amadon brothers here?
05:42We're not brothers.
05:45What?
05:46Are you joking, Mr. Glancy?
05:49There's nothing funny about women drivers.
05:50They're a menace to society and a danger to themselves and a public in general.
05:54You will withdraw that remark, Mr. Glancy.
06:00I'll withdraw nothing.
06:02I am not, as you know, in the habit of repeating myself.
06:07But you will withdraw that slur on womanhood.
06:10Fortwit!
06:11Or else what?
06:13Or else I and my female colleagues will withdraw from this public house and never darken its door again.
06:20Dan?
06:21Well, dear, it's an offer I could never refuse.
06:24Women drivers are a menace to society and a danger to themselves and the public in general.
06:29That's it.
06:31Ladies!
06:33Glancy the cheek.
06:34I was going forward to my drink.
06:38Garetti, you ordered a round of drink?
06:41That's right, Jaxi.
06:42But my hand-to-eye coordination is knackered.
06:44I couldn't get my purse from my bag.
06:46Come on, Garetti.
06:47You told him, Dan?
06:56That'll be 3760, Dan.
06:58When you're ready.
07:04The second floor.
07:06You, the cl-
07:18The clone they've been trying to catch for the last three days.
07:22What's your game?
07:24And what are them yokes?
07:25These?
07:27Yes, these.
07:28What's on this?
07:39Two eggs, two sausages, two rashers, two puddin', one black and one white.
07:45Now, where's mine?
07:46I'd have made jewels, Dan.
07:49But didn't I lose my sense of direction between the fridge and the coker?
07:54Mother of God.
07:55I'm glad I don't drink and drive.
08:01If that's the test I've given them these days!
08:08How are you, Timmy?
08:10Well, what do you think, Father?
08:11Oh, yeah.
08:12Oh, that's grand, Timmy.
08:14It's just one small thing.
08:16What's that, Father?
08:17It should say, Christ is exalted.
08:21Exalted?
08:21Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm sure our Lord was worn out from time to time, you know, creating the world and everything.
08:27But exalted, it's not very, you know, biblical.
08:30No, I suppose so.
08:32Could I have a word, Father?
08:33Yes, certainly.
08:34Hello, Mrs. Gilhooly.
08:36Could I have a word, Father?
08:40What about exalted?
08:42Do you get it?
08:44No.
08:47Inside, Father.
08:48All right, grand.
08:50Timmy, can you-
08:50I'll fix it for you, Father.
08:51Good man, good man.
08:57Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
08:59It has been 22 hours and 14 minutes since my last confession, Father.
09:04Right, well, what can I do for you?
09:06I'm looking for absolution, Father.
09:08Absolution?
09:09Absolutely.
09:10No problem.
09:11Consider it done.
09:11In the name of the Father and of the Son and of-
09:13Are you not going to hear my sins, Father?
09:15Ah, no.
09:16You can't have done much in, what is it, 22 hours?
09:19And 14 minutes.
09:20As it happens, I've done nothing, Father.
09:25Well, what are you on about?
09:27You know the flowers on the altar, Father?
09:31Yes.
09:32You know the little leaflets at the back of the church, Father?
09:35I do.
09:36You know the way I hoover the sacristy every day, Father?
09:40What's this about, Mrs. Gilhooly?
09:42I'm on strike.
09:44Oh.
09:46Can I ask why?
09:48Because you're a man.
09:50I think you'll find that most of us are, actually, Mrs. Gilhooly.
09:57Well, you know, except for Sinead O'Connor and that stout girl from Dibley.
10:00It's because of Dan and this women driving thing.
10:04And it's not just me, Father.
10:06Every woman in the parish is out.
10:09Calm down, lads.
10:15Calm down.
10:16Can we have some order?
10:17We are trying to order.
10:20For the last time, I have no toasted sandwiches.
10:23Dan got the last, too.
10:25Well, have you any taters?
10:28Gone.
10:29Pink snacks?
10:30I have no pink snacks.
10:31All of this reminds me of the 12th century poem, Hunger.
10:39Hey, there's that German fellow with the cheese.
10:48Hey, Jaxie.
10:50Draw us out three bags of tears, will you, please?
10:55That'll be six euro.
10:57Six fucking euro?
10:58Oh, supply and demand, Dan.
11:01Supply and demand.
11:03Then we're the last three packets of Sinead O'Balley.
11:05Down with Dan!
11:26So, all he needs to do is to apologize.
11:32it's as simple as that father all he has to do is apologize and withdraw his scurrilous remarks
11:43dad
11:45i'm so so take your time now take your time i'm so so come on dad
11:59i appall i appall come on dan you can do it i appall you're a spit it out mr glancy
12:12and don't be such a big girl's blouse
12:14i absolutely stand behind everything
12:23the clancy's might be a lot of things but one thing they're not is withdrawals
12:30and when the vikings were marauding around the countryside here what were the clancy's doing
12:35here we go
12:36they went withdrawn that's what they went do
12:39and when the mormons were invading this countryside
12:42what did the clancy's do
12:44probably hid under the bed
12:46standing up to them that's what they were doing
12:50they weren't withdrawing i can tell you
12:51and when you couldn't pull down your trousers in this countryside
12:55for fear of getting your ass shot off by blackened hands
12:57what were the clancy's doing then
12:59shouting the family mutter from the ditches
13:02never withdraw
13:04never withdraw
13:05no surrender
13:06what in the name of that is that
13:09that's the kind of scotty pipe band
13:13i didn't know me the pipe band
13:15i had the only phone a few weeks ago
13:17oh that's lovely
13:17i tell you something
13:19if it wasn't for me and my echoes
13:22you'd all be speaking english
13:24you would
13:25with english accents
13:32that's right
13:33come on
13:34right girls
13:36this is war
13:39come on
13:40and one
13:53and two
13:54and two
13:55and four
13:56and one
13:57and two
13:58and three
13:59and four
13:59and one
14:00and two
14:01and three
14:02and side
14:03and two
14:04and three
14:05and four
14:06and one and two
14:07and three. Come on down, Barbara. Keep your knees
14:10up there, darling. We don't want them dropping
14:12like everything else.
14:15Okay, ladies, now,
14:16I want to hear you all. High kicks
14:17and one and two
14:19and three and four
14:21and five and...
14:23Oh!
14:23Oh!
14:25Oh!
14:26Oh!
14:26Oh!
14:28Oh!
14:29Oh!
14:34Oh!
14:35Oh!
14:36Oh!
14:37No!
14:38No!
14:39Crap!
14:40Crap!
14:41Crap!
14:42Crap!
14:43Crap!
14:44Crap!
14:45Crap!
14:46Mother alone!
14:48Mother alone!
14:49Mother alone!
14:52So, Garetti's thrown down the challenge.
14:55Yourself and herself are to take driving lessons.
14:59Yeah.
15:00Whoever passes the driving test force wins.
15:03So?
15:04The phone hasn't stopped ringing all morning.
15:08Ten to one!
15:09There's women coming from all over to better, Garetti.
15:12Yeah, we'll do it for a bit of an upset.
15:15Come here, Dick.
15:16What's the difference between the basic course and the deluxe?
15:19The deluxe involves the care.
15:22I'll take to the deluxe, sir.
15:23That's 300 euro.
15:25For how many lessons?
15:26That's just a non-refundable deposit.
15:28The lessons are 75 euro each after that.
15:31Ah, for fake sake, Dick.
15:33You should be wearing the Bellet Lab.
15:35That's no problem.
15:37But that's five euros extra, mind.
15:40I'll tell you something, Sissy.
15:45I feel like a Formula One driver.
15:47Me too.
15:49But where would you get one this hour of the morning?
15:51Ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:52Ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:54Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:56Look down between your legs.
15:57At the pedals.
15:58Oh, there's three of them there.
16:01The clutch, brake and...
16:04Clutch, brake and...
16:06Acceler...
16:08Accelerator.
16:09Accelerator.
16:11Good, man.
16:14First, let's get into neutral.
16:16close your eyes relax I'm totally relaxed how does that feel
16:33that's it first second told fourth and reverse say it first second third fourth
16:41and reverse what next the 75 euro first thing you have to do is adjust your
16:54mirror done hair fine lips eyes ground good girl that's it don't either into
17:10first yeah the line decides no to gather I and decide you know to come in take over
17:14this is it go ahead come over the station in valley matters on the cost in your
17:19car batteries by three euro second clone I'm on my way go go go
17:28look out for nori
17:37oh
17:39oh
17:41oh
17:43oh
17:45oh
17:47oh
17:49oh
17:51oh
17:53oh
17:55oh
17:57oh
17:59oh
18:01oh
18:03oh
18:05oh
18:07oh
18:09oh
18:11oh
18:13Ah!
18:16Left, left, left, left, left, left, left.
18:20Oh, yeah, mother's left.
18:22Ah!
18:33Tomorrow we'll do stuff.
18:35Right.
18:43Ah!
18:54Reminds me of my mossy.
18:55Was he difficult?
18:57No, he always used to come in fits and starts.
19:00Ah!
19:02Get your motor running
19:05Head out on the highway
19:08Looking for adventure
19:12In whatever comes our way
19:25Woo!
19:26Yahoo!
19:27You're not in the way, isn't it?
19:29Oh!
19:30Oh!
19:31Oh!
19:32Oh!
19:33Oh!
19:34Oh!
19:35Oh!
19:36Oh!
19:37Oh!
19:38Oh!
19:39Oh!
19:40Oh-
19:41Oh!
19:42Oh!
19:43Oh!
19:44Oh!
19:45Oh!
19:46Oh!
19:47Oh!
19:48Great.
19:57Now, then, these are into reverse.
19:59Perfect.
20:00Yeah, that works.
20:06You want my worst?
20:08I want your best, Dieter.
20:10Your best sausages.
20:12Your sister is still not cooking?
20:14Still on strike, Dieter.
20:15All the women are.
20:17All the men are starved.
20:18I know.
20:20Since Catherine left, I have learned that sometimes it is better than you are alone to make...
20:24What's that one there, Dieter?
20:26What was that?
20:28I do not know.
20:35Is that one bigger, Dieter?
20:41No, then.
20:42These are back into first.
20:43I think.
20:44I'll take half a pound.
20:51Half a pound?
20:52This is good.
20:57You only wanted half a pound.
20:59What is happening?
21:00Timmy, can you help me, please?
21:01Timmy!
21:12Timmy!
21:15Well, here's Tamara and the taste.
21:16Good look, Dan. Good look.
21:21How do you feel, Dan? Are you ready?
21:23I was born ready, Jacksy.
21:25What does his teacher say?
21:27I think you should walk it.
21:28Goodbye to Dan.
21:29Goodbye to Dan.
21:30No, seriously, I think you should walk it.
21:32If you take a car, you're destroyed.
21:34You're not ready, Dan.
21:35What?
21:38Lighten up, shoemaker.
21:39Gobdar.
21:46All right, ladies. Step out of the vehicle.
21:56Good. Looks like the army.
21:58Oh, and all this for us.
22:00Step out of the vehicle.
22:02Tell him women have no business driving anyway.
22:05You know very well, ladies, you have no business driving.
22:09Tell him they're a danger to themselves and to others.
22:13You're a danger to yourselves and to others.
22:15I told them.
22:16You know all about danger, Captain Chaos.
22:22Tell him they have no spatial awareness.
22:24Here.
22:27Now what?
22:28They have no spatial awareness.
22:30We're not going to give up, sissy.
22:32Well then, let's not get caught.
22:35What are you talking about?
22:37Go.
22:38Go.
22:39Go!
22:40Go!
22:42What in the name of God are they doing?
22:44So God only knows, Dick.
22:45I'll destroy my first prize if they're not careful.
22:46You'll destroy Dick's first prize if they're not careful.
22:47You're fucking women.
22:48You're fucking women.
22:49You're fucking women.
22:50You're fucking women.
22:51You're fucking women.
22:52Oh my God.
22:53Oh my God.
22:54The traffic test.
22:55Would you be kind enough to tell me what that was all about?
22:57What was what about?
22:58You pulled right out onto the road without looking, indicating or having due care for
23:02other road users.
23:03Your driving test is on this morning.
23:04Should the whole parish knows not to come down this road and get in my way.
23:05Give me your insurance details.
23:06Insurance details?
23:07Insurance details.
23:08Insurance details.
23:09Insurance details?
23:10What do I want insurance for?
23:11I don't intend to have in an accident.
23:12You just did.
23:13what that was all about what was what about you pulled right out onto the road without looking
23:19indicating or having due care for other road users we're driving test is on this morning
23:24should the whole parish knows not to come down this road and get in my way give me your insurance
23:28details insurance details insurance details what do i want insurance when i don't intend having
23:34an accident you just did i think you'll find you're the one to hit the pole not me the only
23:40reason i drove into the pool was to avoid driving into your heap of junk i think you'll find it's
23:45more got to do with your spatial awareness or lack of it for that matter what yeah that's the problem
23:50with you women you've no hand-to-eye coordination like the men yeah you drive too slow because you're
23:55afraid to drive fast and you're in decision there on the road you pull out in the middle of the road
23:59and you don't know whether they stop there don't know whether they go left or right or what they
24:03never got you want to do with yourselves turning left excellent turning right
24:10perfect reversing brilliant he'll start oh never mind all that well did you pass i passed
24:24dan you're on the tester is sitting in your car come on good look dan go on dan you know you don't need
24:30good luck right i'll drive just ahead of you with the night flashing keep people out of your way right
24:52right so shall i pull off i uh wouldn't bother mr clancy
25:01i uh wouldn't bother mr clancy
25:14uh
25:24and
25:26and