Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 23 The Egg & I
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00:00There you go! Here he is!
00:03Five days undercover and back right on schedule with a killer story about fraud in the trucking industry.
00:09Didn't even stop home to change. Is that integrity or what?
00:14Didn't stop home to shower either.
00:16What is that, Frank O'Devil chop?
00:19You try spending five days in a tractor trailer full of uninspected meats.
00:23I celebrated Easter Sunday, crashed behind some bad pork,
00:27playing this little piggy went to market a week and a half too late.
00:32Here's your footage. I'm going home to bed.
00:35Absolutely. You go home, get some rest.
00:38Then, I need you at the White House by 4 this afternoon.
00:40This afternoon?
00:42Miles, I had to use a rump roast for a pillow last night. I'm exhausted.
00:46Why do I have to go to the White House today?
00:48Because Jim still has to do two interviews for his commentary this week,
00:53and Miles doesn't think I'm ready to interview the president.
00:56I never said that.
00:57That's what you meant.
00:59Or did I misunderstand you when you said,
01:01Gee, Corky, I'd love to send you, but isn't this the night you normally do your laundry?
01:06It's just that I know how important your laundry is to you.
01:10I still remember how excited you got the Bay Tide went lemon fresh.
01:15Frank, beat the White House by 4.
01:16Wait a minute.
01:17There is a Clinton interview with the White House and Murphy isn't doing it.
01:22What happened?
01:23I'll tell.
01:24Nothing happened.
01:25It was just a simple misunderstanding.
01:28It's really kind of laughable.
01:30I can't believe it.
01:31You got banned again?
01:33How could that happen?
01:35Murph, it's a new administration.
01:37I thought you had a clean slate.
01:39Had.
01:40She had a clean slate.
01:42Had.
01:43As in, I had a stomach lining.
01:47Frank, I still have a clean slate.
01:49Well, it's a little stained perhaps, but only like water spots on a glass.
01:53Barely noticeable, it's not a big deal.
01:56I'm telling.
01:57I'm starting to tell.
01:58Frank, why don't you go hold a shower?
01:59I think I see some gristle on your neck.
02:01I'm sorry, Murph.
02:02I've spent the last five days living in truck stops and served for any conversation that
02:05doesn't end with a phrase, so then I shot him.
02:10Let's hear this, Corky.
02:12Okay.
02:13It started a couple of days before Easter.
02:16Happy Easter, Marv.
02:19Happy Easter, Bobby.
02:22Here you go, Murphy.
02:23Happy Easter.
02:24Murphy!
02:25Release!
02:27I'm glad to see you're in the holiday mood.
02:30But a word to the wise.
02:31Too many sweets can change that lovely complexion from peaches and cream to something more like
02:36peaches and cream corn.
02:38I'll give you 20 bucks for the entire basket.
02:41Murphy, why are you acting so...
02:44Oh, no.
02:46Ever since Avery was born, I've been trying to figure out your new cycle.
02:49Jim, I think Murphy's expecting a visit from her special friend.
02:54Really?
02:55Is it that nice young man who...
02:57Oh, dear Lord.
02:58What's the matter with you cookies?
03:01You don't play cats with a hydrogen bomb.
03:04You two are so wrong.
03:05What you're seeing has nothing to do with water, weight, hormones, or cycles of the moon.
03:10It's just plain old frustration, pure and simple.
03:13Of course, Murphy.
03:14We believe you, slugger.
03:15Try the little yellow chickies.
03:18No.
03:19It's been three months since Clinton's inauguration.
03:21And have I been able to get so much as one exclusive interview with him?
03:24No, I have not.
03:25I don't understand that, Murphy.
03:27The President's been very good about giving interviews.
03:29Corky's right, slugger.
03:30Yesterday, I was flipping her on the television dial, and there he was on the sports channel.
03:33Standing in the middle of a river, wearing rubber pants, explaining his tax policy to fly fishermen.
03:38That's exactly my point. The man will talk to anyone. I can't get anything exclusive.
03:46I had an easier time getting an interview with President Bush.
03:49Yes, well, you and President Bush had that very special relationship.
03:53Didn't it start when you ran him over with a bicycle?
03:56No, Jim. First, there was a fist fight she started at the White House press conference.
04:01That's right. Then came the unfortunate incident in the steam room of the Yale Club.
04:06All right. Bush and I had a few misunderstandings.
04:09The point is, it was supposed to be better for me with Clinton, and it's not.
04:13That's why I'm ready to strangle someone.
04:15Good morning, everybody.
04:17Well, I feel bad for him, but I'm glad it's not one of us.
04:20See you, guys.
04:21So, how's my favorite working model?
04:24Miles, I'll give you 30 seconds to tell me why the network's been absolutely no help getting me an interview with Clinton.
04:29Oh, God, it's that time again, isn't it?
04:31Anybody call and warn me?
04:33Miles, I have been calling everyone...
04:34Murphy, Murphy, Murphy. Say no more.
04:37You'll be happy to know I just got off the phone with the President's press secretary,
04:41who has put aside one whole hour this Thursday at 4, you one-on-one with the President.
04:48Yes! Thank you, D.B. Myers.
04:50I knew the woman press secretary would come through for me.
04:53Did you see this, Miles?
04:54Women of the press, banding together, supporting each other.
04:57I can't wait to rub Barbara Walters' nose in it.
05:00It's not too, Murphy. I don't know if I'd do that.
05:03I mean, that sort of petty gloating is really kind of beneath you, isn't it?
05:06Okay, maybe it's not.
05:09But, since you mentioned Barbara, I think I should tell you, uh, she's interviewing him two days before you are.
05:20I'm interviewing him after Barbara Walters?
05:23Oh, no. Actually, Diane Sawyer's after Barbara.
05:26You're after Diane.
05:28I'm third?
05:30Well, third in this particular arrangement, yes, but in our hearts, however.
05:34Well, thank you, D.D., for nothing.
05:36This is all because I mistook her for a volunteer at the inaugural ball and asked her to bring me a seltzer.
05:41I don't know what the big deal was. I tipped her.
05:45It's not deliberate, Murphy.
05:47Clinton wants to make a big media push for his new economic program.
05:50So, to be fair, they put all the reporters' names in a hat and pull.
05:53A hat? Oh, wonderful.
05:54Just when favoritism was finally working for me, our government decides to practice democracy.
05:59What is happening in this country?
06:01Listen, Miles, I cannot be third.
06:03Sawyer will get all the facts out of him. Walters will make him cry.
06:06By the time I get to him, there'll be nothing left but a pair of running shorts and an autographed picture of the cast of Evening Shade.
06:13I tried to get him to change the order. I did.
06:15I was on the phone with George Stephanopoulos all morning, bribing him with extra airtime.
06:19Miles, that's not how we do things at the Clinton White House, little pisser.
06:23I was dealing with the White House when he was sitting in his dorm room drawing in jest air with a magic marker.
06:28Not that that's something guys do.
06:31Listen, Miles, Murphy Brown cannot be third.
06:34I will find some way to get to Clinton first and alone.
06:37I am on the hunt.
06:38As far as I'm concerned, this is Barbara Walters.
06:43And this is Diane Sawyer.
06:45Well, I feel bad for them, but at least it's not one of us.
07:00You know, Jim, we just realized, I think this is the first time you and I have been talking about this.
07:05You know, Jim, we just realized, I think this is the first time you and I have ever had lunch together. I mean, just us.
07:33Well, how about that?
07:37If you think about it, we hardly do anything together.
07:42The truth is, we barely even talk to each other unless the rest of the gang is around.
07:46I wonder why that is.
07:48Corky, really?
07:49Corky, really?
07:50You and I talk all the time.
07:51Why, just this morning, we were getting coffee and you asked if there was more non-dairy creamer and I said, why don't you check under the counter?
07:57And you did.
07:58And you said, oh, there is some more here.
08:00Good.
08:01Thank you, Jim.
08:02So, please, let's not hear any more about us not talking.
08:04We talk all the time.
08:05We're talking now.
08:06Murphy!
08:07Hello!
08:08Over here!
08:10Corky and I were just talking like we always do.
08:13You know how we do go on.
08:14Just try and stop us.
08:15I dare you.
08:16We looked for you before we came down, Murphy.
08:20Where'd you run off to?
08:22It was too perfect.
08:23One of my White House sources told me Clinton was going to be having lunch at Taco Villa.
08:27So I walked into the place.
08:29Sam Donaldson's at a table near the door.
08:32Jean Paulie's hovering around the condiments.
08:34And I'm not sure, but I think the hostess was Heralda when a wig and a peasant blouse.
08:38What a force.
08:39I can understand your frustration, Slugger, but you gave it your best shot.
08:43Now there's nothing left to do, but stand by and wait your turn.
08:47Oh, I'm sorry.
08:48I forgot who I was talking to.
08:50That's right, Jim.
08:51I'm not sunk yet.
08:52It's true I haven't been able to get to Clinton on my own, but that just means it's time to appeal to a higher power.
08:57God doesn't answer selfish prayers, Murphy.
09:00I know, because my ex-husband still hasn't been struck down by a plague of oils.
09:05I'm talking about Phil Corky.
09:07I don't know why I didn't think of this before.
09:12Hey there, Murphy.
09:13Hi, Phil.
09:14Uh, listen, I need to ask you a favor.
09:15Sorry, can't do it.
09:17You don't even know what I want.
09:18Sure I do.
09:19You want me to use my influence to get an interview with Clinton before Sawyer and Walters.
09:24How'd you know that?
09:25Oh, come on, Murphy.
09:27I'm Phil.
09:28Phil!
09:29Oh, God, I agree when you say that.
09:31Listen, Phil, you're the only one who can help me.
09:33Let's face it, you've had an end with every president since Eisenhower.
09:37Truman, he came in here for a drink right after my dad turned the place over to me.
09:43Tried to pick up his change instead of leaving it for a tip.
09:47I said, hey, Harry, that buck stops here.
09:53The rest is history.
09:56That's a great story, Phil.
09:57Can you help me, Miss Clinton?
09:59I just can't help you, Murphy.
10:01I tried to make contact with a man, but as a Washington outsider, Clinton just doesn't seem to understand the importance of the Phil's tradition.
10:10There's gotta be a way.
10:12I'm sorry, Murphy.
10:13Now, if you wanted Al Gore, just say the word.
10:16I can have him at your place in under an hour.
10:20Just make sure that your recyclables are separated.
10:24Al sees glass and plastic all mixed together and just flips out.
10:28Egg.
10:29Can you say egg?
10:30Yeah.
10:31Yeah.
10:32Okay.
10:33Avie and I are about to embark on a traditional Easter ritual.
10:47Although, you know, I have to tell you that the religious significance of artificially colored eggs being delivered by a large basket-wielding rabbit, that just continues to elude me.
10:57Alden.
10:59Yes, I'm holding.
11:00I've been holding for five minutes.
11:03I know the President's mother is very busy, but I really have to speak to her.
11:07Well, I'm sure she'd want to speak to me if she knew I was calling from the Pretty Lady Beauty Salon and she'd want a complimentary streak of tip.
11:16Listen, what's your name?
11:18Lupe?
11:19Lupe what?
11:20Lupe Smith?
11:23Okay, Chung, drop the phony Spanish accent.
11:27I know it's you, Connie.
11:29Me?
11:31I'm...Cookie Roberts.
11:35I can't believe this.
11:36I am shut out.
11:38Well, that did it.
11:39That's the best I can do.
11:40Well, you know, I have to disagree with you.
11:41I think you did your best work on that earlier call when you were trying to convince that Hillary woman that her husband had won a timeshare in beautiful Coral Gables, Florida.
11:51That was good, wasn't it?
11:52It was good.
11:53I almost had her, too.
11:54Did you hear my description of the joy of buzzing through the Everglades on a fan boat?
11:58That was extremely difficult.
11:59You know, I could almost taste the gator meat.
12:02Well, now, all for naught.
12:05This is an historic occasion, Avery.
12:08Your mother is going to be third.
12:10Well, that doesn't matter, does it?
12:12No.
12:13Because I'm first with you, aren't I?
12:15Now, let's show those eggs whose boss...
12:18Whoa, whoa.
12:19We're still in the preparation phase here.
12:21We are sanding the shells to get them ready to receive the dye.
12:25We are mulling over patinas.
12:31What?
12:32Philistine.
12:35Oh, Avery.
12:37Isn't this fun?
12:39You know, your mommy never did this when she was a little girl.
12:42I think once we tried, but ended up in a typical Brown family disagreement.
12:47Your grandma, Avery, threw all the eggs at your grandfather's brand-new Buick.
13:05And your grandfather retaliated by running over your grandmother's Easter bonnet with a lawnmower.
13:12Ooh, look what mommy did.
13:14Why do you have to be so messy?
13:16Here, art requires delicacy.
13:19Subtlety.
13:20Clarity.
13:22You're dripping all over the funny page.
13:24You've got to drip all over the life section.
13:27Something I don't care about.
13:29Hemlines.
13:30Whoa.
13:33Oh, the Easter egg hunt on the White House.
13:36Did I say White House?
13:39I meant White...
13:40Cliffs.
13:41Yes, the White Cliffs of Dover.
13:43Every year, small, very small English children, they scale the treacherous limestone cliffs.
13:51Fighting off marine life, birds, hawks, in search of their elusive Easter booty.
13:57It's, it's really quite an inspiration.
13:59Alden, give me the paper.
14:00Yeah.
14:03Easter booty.
14:07President Clinton to host annual White House egg hunt.
14:10Oh, what?
14:11Having one there, too?
14:12Zeldon, what did you think I was going to do?
14:15Read this article and then see that anyone with a child eight years old or under could attend
14:21and then selfishly use my own flesh and blood to gain access to the president?
14:26Bingo.
14:27Well, I'll admit that just for a second I flashed on it, but I'm committed to spending Easter with Avery,
14:37and that's what we're gonna do.
14:38Uh-huh.
14:39You don't think I can do it?
14:40Well, I will prove it to you.
14:42We are going to that egg hunt tomorrow, and even if the president begs me for an exclusive,
14:47I'm going to say, I'm sorry, Mr. President.
14:50I'm spending the day with someone a little more important than you.
15:08Oh, look.
15:09Here's one.
15:10Oh, no.
15:11It's a mushroom.
15:12Well, we're getting closer.
15:15I don't know what is happening here.
15:17We've been wandering around for 45 minutes, and we have yet to find one single egg.
15:21Well, the Democrats are cutting back, but this is ridiculous.
15:24No, no, we're gonna find one.
15:26The important thing here is we do not lose that holiday spirit.
15:30Don't talk to me about holiday spirit.
15:32Talk to that woman over there in the red moo moo.
15:35I can't believe how she fought me over one measly egg.
15:38It was in her basket at the time.
15:41Still, spitting is never an acceptable solution to any thing.
15:45What kind of an example is that to set for your kid?
15:47Okay, look.
15:48Let's try to forget that.
15:49Now, I think the reason we have not found one egg is because we are not thinking like one.
15:55So, if I were an egg, where would I be?
16:01Next to an order of hash browns and some toast.
16:04I've been in the Bush administration as long as it was lousy with eggs.
16:08Hi, Avery.
16:10Oh! Hold the phone. I believe I strip, painter, right?
16:16No. It's a golf ball.
16:21Property is Gerald R. Ford.
16:25Never mind.
16:26There.
16:27You're not gonna blink to watch yourself.
16:29Who? The president.
16:30You're kidding. He's actually on the wall.
16:32Right over there.
16:33He's so charming and smart.
16:35He explained his entire tax package and told me how to get the grass stains out of Becky's jumper.
16:40Come on, I'll take you over.
16:42Mikey, don't hold yourself there. We're gonna meet the president.
16:45Are you okay?
16:51Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
16:56Oh, no reason. I just, uh, couldn't help but notice those specks of, uh, saliva around the corner of your mouth.
17:03Okay, so he's here.
17:06It's his house. Why shouldn't he be here?
17:09Besides, that doesn't change the reason for our coming.
17:12To enjoy the day as a family and go home with at least one egg in our hands.
17:17Well, you know, considering your family's history with cholesterol, maybe Avery shouldn't have an egg.
17:24I say we go home.
17:25Eldon, my son came to find Easter eggs and that's what we're going to do.
17:29He's gonna get one even if I have to lay it myself.
17:32Now, listen. Why don't you take him and look over there?
17:35Well, I'll go work this side.
17:37Are you sure that we shouldn't just stay together?
17:39Believe me, I can handle this. Besides, we'll cover more ground this way.
17:43Okay, sweetie. We'll see you in a second.
18:00Hey, Bugs. You wouldn't have to know where they stashed the Easter eggs, would you?
18:04First of all, the name's not Bugs. Second, it's an Easter egg hunt, not an Easter egg ask the bunny where they are.
18:10That's quite a bit of attitude for someone to look like they should be out in the woods dropping boulders on Elmer Fun.
18:15Hey, look, lady. You think I like standing around this stupid suit while drooling brats throw eggs at my fluffy little butt?
18:22During the Bush administration, I was the deputy budget director.
18:25So you got a promotion. I just need one egg so I can get out of here. If you help me out, I'll make it worth your while.
18:33Wow. Five bucks.
18:36Wait till I get back to the hutch and tell the missus we can finally send Flopsy to college.
18:43Real nice holiday spirit, pal. Next time you're hopping down that bunny trail, watch out for a white Porsche.
18:49Is there a problem, man?
18:50Problem?
18:51No. No problem. Just tracking down the old Easter eggs.
18:56Most eggos yesteros.
18:58Hi, I'm Murphy Brown.
18:59Those are very nice glasses. Ray-Bans?
19:02Do you have a child, ma'am?
19:04Do I have a child?
19:06You obviously were never assigned to Vice President Coyle.
19:09What's my child right now?
19:11Hi, lady.
19:12Hi.
19:13Under eight years of age, of course.
19:16I'm a stickler for rules.
19:18Yo.
19:19Well, if you'll excuse us, we've got places to go and eggs to find.
19:24Just so you know, I'm a small cog in the juggernaut that is that woman's life.
19:34Woman!
19:35Pity me.
19:46What is it with you?
19:47We leave you out of our safe for two seconds and you get the feds involved.
19:50I swear to you, Eldon, I just wanted to be a mom with a kid today.
19:54And the second I heard the President was here, the reporter in me started to take over.
19:59I tried to fight it.
20:00And the next thing I knew, I'm running around like a crazy woman offering bribes to giant bunnies.
20:05I'm a sick person.
20:07You're absolutely right.
20:08I think we should go home before your head explodes and you scare all the children.
20:12No, Eldon, I have to fight this.
20:14It's the only way I'm gonna beat it.
20:16I'm gonna go up to the President.
20:18I'm gonna say hello to him like a normal mother.
20:21And then I'm gonna walk away.
20:23I have to do this.
20:24Not just for myself, but for Avery.
20:29There he is.
20:31Okay.
20:32All right, honey.
20:33Mommy's about to make you proud of her.
20:35Mr. President.
20:37Mr. President, hi.
20:38It's Murphy Brown.
20:40Don't run away.
20:41I don't want an interview.
20:42My son and I just wanted to wish you a very happy...
20:45Watch where you're going there.
20:47Watch your face.
20:52Oh, jeez.
20:59Now on TV.
21:03What is wrong with you, people?
21:05I keep telling you I never touched a man. He fell. It has nothing to do with me.
21:09Murphy, what's going on?
21:11Miles Silverberg.
21:15The sunglasses, the dark suits.
21:18The unhappy facial expressions.
21:20Secret Service.
21:21Oh, God.
21:22Please, Murphy.
21:23Tell me you've been down with it.
21:25Ms. Brown was removed from the White House grounds for disorderly conduct,
21:30disruptive behavior, and a possible assault on the President.
21:34She made him eat dirt.
21:36Well, now that was a total exaggeration.
21:38And I don't want to be the one to point this out.
21:40But what was the man doing at an egg hunt in the first place?
21:43Do we have a national healthcare plan yet?
21:45Do we have a balanced budget?
21:46What is it?
21:47Just party, party, party with this guy?
21:50You disrupted the Easter egg hunt?
21:52I said hello to him.
21:54Oh, sure.
21:55And what better way to greet the leader of the free world
21:57and the body check him at a holiday party?
21:59I should have known something like this would happen to me at Easter.
22:02It's always been a particularly hard time for my people.
22:09Mr. Miles, this is just a silly misunderstanding.
22:12I'll clear it all up on Thursday in my interview with the President.
22:18Did you hear that?
22:19They laughed.
22:20Secret Service men never laugh.
22:23We've never heard anything quite so funny before.
22:26Let's just say, word is,
22:28better find someone else to cover the White House for a while.
22:31A while? What's that supposed to mean?
22:33I guess four years, possibly eight.
22:35After that, you can take it up with President Gore.
22:39Well, I hear him talk anyway.
22:42Well, congratulations.
22:49You've done it again.
22:51You've alienated yet another administration.
22:55We're looking at at least four more years
22:57of getting our presidential quotes from Ernie the White House barber.
23:00What?
23:02You let me fish.
23:03I always thought the problem was having a Republican in the White House.
23:06But that isn't it, is it?
23:08The Republicans aren't the problem.
23:10The Democrats aren't the problem.
23:13It wouldn't matter if the Bull Moose Party came back to power.
23:16It's you.
23:19It's you.
23:20You.
23:21You're the problem.
23:23You.
23:24All right, I admit that might seem to be the case.
23:30And I'll admit my prospects for Clinton don't look too good right now.
23:34But may I remind you the President comes from a town called Hope.
23:38Well, I still have Hope Miles, and I'm going to hold on to it.
23:41You know, all in all, this hasn't been too bad a day.
23:45I got to play outside with my son, introduce him to the President, and I even got one of these.
23:53An Easter egg?
23:54Yeah.
23:55I found it when they were dragging me through the azaleas.
23:58Things are definitely looking up.
24:01Marv.
24:03It's a plywood, a hammer and some nails.
24:07If we hurry, maybe we can seal her in there.
24:09That's the idea when the Bull Moose is coming to be.
24:10Oh, it's unusual.
24:11Because it's not willing to hold on.
24:12But if we get weatling, we're gonna be trying to make it more.
24:13We're gonna have a big deal.
24:14Here's theな and the bell is going to be our best!
24:15Oh, hoor!
24:16Ooh!
24:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
24:24Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:29Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
24:33Oh, oh, oh, oh!
24:36Oh, oh, oh, oh, what?
24:37Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.