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Transcript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, the old Das is standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little early Das standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:18Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:51Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:10There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:21Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:29Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:45Come on.
00:03:47I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:50It's our lunch hour.
00:03:52It's ours.
00:03:53We were going for lunch.
00:03:55Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:03:58It's one place I've never been.
00:03:59Pardon?
00:04:00I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:01I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:02I'm Beryl.
00:04:03I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:04I'm Beryl.
00:04:05I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:06I'm Beryl.
00:04:07I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:08I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:09I'm Beryl.
00:04:10I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:11I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:12I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:14I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:18It's the only place I've never been.
00:04:19Pardon?
00:04:21I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:22I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:23I'm Beryl.
00:04:24I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:59Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:22Surely I can get you down
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:49Grooving and or freaking
00:05:51Right?
00:05:52What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:53Right
00:05:54Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hustle?
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:12We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:21Yes, please
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:27Full page advert for contraception
00:06:29It's his birthright
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:35I'm not hungry
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I'm not hungry
00:07:00I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:06No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:09Some people don't
00:07:12I do
00:07:14Beryl
00:07:15Please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18And invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your 6-0 levels
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:38What did you say your name was?
00:07:39What did you say your name was?
00:07:44Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:59Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday
00:10:15half seven
00:10:16outside Central Library.
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow
00:10:20half seven
00:10:20outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay
00:10:24does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking
00:10:38and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book
00:10:40for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester, lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:15Marry me.
00:11:17Marry me.
00:11:19Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:33Marry me.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I saved him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Mary!
00:12:26Mary!
00:12:28Mary!
00:12:30Mary!
00:12:32Mary!
00:12:34Mary!
00:12:36Mary!
00:12:38Mary!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:48Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:22At least I've got me proud.
00:13:24Oh, hello.
00:13:26Oh, hi.
00:13:28Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:32You going that way?
00:13:34Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:54I am.
00:13:55Which?
00:13:56Which are you?
00:13:57Any?
00:13:58I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:46Losing, 3-1.
00:14:482-3-1.
00:15:08Excuse me.
00:15:09I...
00:15:10Only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:31Oh, um...
00:15:32Peace, ma'am.
00:15:33Surprise, surprise.
00:15:34Surprise.
00:15:35In anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No, thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:31Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I think Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:38By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:09Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:06Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not passive-elf-motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:15Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:44I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Nice house.
00:19:07Twenty-five-year mortgage.
00:19:09Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:12Funny, isn't it?
00:19:14First date with someone.
00:19:16It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:20Either nothing, or...
00:19:22..or...
00:19:23..or...
00:19:24..or...
00:19:25..or...
00:19:26..the first date with someone.
00:19:28It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:31Either nothing, or...
00:19:33..or...
00:19:34..or...
00:19:36..something.
00:19:40..or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Good night.
00:21:00Oh!
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh!
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27German sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:41I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:44I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:54Said he was no one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:50Good morning.
00:23:51Morning.
00:23:52Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:47Ninety-three times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:51Anyone more.
00:24:52Just as the sun was rising.
00:24:53I heard the maiden singing in the far-hulling low.
00:24:54My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:24:55See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:24:56Oh, Geoffrey.
00:24:57Oh, Geoffrey.
00:24:59Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:00That medal's the greatest.
00:25:01Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:02Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:03Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:04That medal's the greatest.
00:25:05Is he dish-y or is he dish-y?
00:25:06One more morning just as the sun was rising
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:32You never promised he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:01Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:30It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:37That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:31Oh, Beryl.
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:54She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:44I can't do long conversations about sardine
00:32:49so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:02Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:20You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:33There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48I don't know how you do it.
00:36:49I don't know how you do it.
00:36:50I don't know how you do it.
00:36:50I don't know how you do it.
00:36:51I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:34John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Rowland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Daryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:03I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married yet.
00:39:55She led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Mmm, please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm, smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:55What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Steven.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought,
00:41:40just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Mmm.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle.
00:41:52However gorgeous.
00:41:53Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:42:05Mmm.
00:42:06Mmm.
00:42:06Mmm.
00:42:06Mmm.
00:42:07Mmm.
00:42:07Mmm.
00:42:08Mmm.
00:42:09Mmm.
00:42:09Mmm.
00:42:09Mmm.
00:42:09Mmm.
00:42:09Mmm.
00:42:10Mmm.
00:42:10Mmm.
00:42:11Mmm.
00:42:12Mmm.
00:42:12Mmm.
00:42:12Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up!
00:42:44Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:48What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:04Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:11Well, this is your Uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19How do you do?
00:43:22Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:24Jeremy, bed. I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:34Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:38Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:10Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:12Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:17They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:19People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:23But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:28No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:49In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Goodnight, Jeremy.
00:44:55Meet Jeremy.
00:44:5725p.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Goodnight, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:25Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:33Hey, Veronica!
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:40He's going now.
00:45:44Goodnight, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:50You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:55Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:10Shh.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:00Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:30You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:39Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00Oh, Dad.
00:48:01I it.
00:48:03MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around.
00:48:31Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:34Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:49Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00Is that true?
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22You didn't see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24We'll see how the girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37I know you, love.
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:39Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:42Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:43It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:44Finally splitting up.
00:49:45He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:46Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:47Good job she hasn't, George.
00:49:48She's not.
00:49:49I know you, love.
00:49:50I know you, love.
00:49:51I know you, love.
00:49:52But you're not.
00:49:53Don't know you.
00:49:54Don't know you, love.
00:49:55You're not.
00:49:56You're not.
00:49:57Don't know you, love.
00:49:58I know you, love.
00:49:59I know you.
00:50:00I know you, love.
00:50:01I know you, love.
00:50:02You're not.
00:50:03I know.
00:50:04It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:08Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:11Good job she hasn't, George.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:12Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put them on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:21I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dare, Chip.
00:54:29Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cutting over.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:47Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties, Phil.
00:55:00Okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:01Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Graves?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02You're wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, if you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14I'm right, aren't I, Neville?
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've knocked.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49You see, what we...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:04I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:31Jeffery?
00:59:38Jeffery?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffery?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Jeffery.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quillmslow road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Jeffery?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:40I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:18I'm sorry.
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:19My subject.
01:02:21I'm sorry.
01:02:23Good morning.
01:02:37I'm sorry.
01:02:39I'm sorry.
01:02:41I'm sorry.
01:02:41I'm sorry.
01:02:44I can't remember now.
01:02:45No,嫌.
01:02:46Oh, girl, girl.
01:03:10Geoffrey.
01:03:16Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:40Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48We're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello? It's me.
01:04:05Who? My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't,
01:04:14because I shan't be in, tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:38It's a small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:25No, madam.
01:05:26I'll leave it then.
01:05:27Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:29Don't matter.
01:05:30What doesn't?
01:05:31You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:32Wouldn't what?
01:05:33Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:35Me?
01:05:36Oh, no.
01:05:37I don't know.
01:05:38I don't know.
01:05:39I don't know.
01:05:40I don't know.
01:05:41I don't know.
01:05:42I don't know.
01:05:43I don't know.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home.
01:06:23They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:44No!
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:25Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:29I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:36even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er, boys are very safe.
01:07:41And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:57Things of that nature.
01:08:01Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:03What you just said.
01:08:05Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:17Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Yes.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:39Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:41Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:52I tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:08Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:30A barrel would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:51I never said you were!
01:09:53You think it!
01:10:08All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:46What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:26The weeks and months drag by and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:38Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:47Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:56Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, Superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:09Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:23I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So's we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:12Oh, we do.
01:14:13See what I think...
01:14:14See what I think...
01:14:15Go on.
01:14:16No, you.
01:14:17Mine wasn't important.
01:14:18No, mine wasn't.
01:14:19Mine wasn't.
01:14:20No, mine wasn't.
01:14:21Beryl.
01:14:22Are you...
01:14:23Happy?
01:14:24Of course.
01:14:25Very.
01:14:26I am.
01:14:27No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:28No, mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:02I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:19Well, not in so many words.
01:15:21Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No.
01:15:42Don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:44Nothing.
01:15:45If there is...
01:15:46There isn't.
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48There isn't anything.
01:15:49Honest.
01:15:50Good.
01:15:53It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:54It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:57Like...
01:15:58You know...
01:15:59Crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:00Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:01If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:02To please you.
01:16:03I see.
01:16:04There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:05In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:09Your mother.
01:16:10Pardon?
01:16:11I like your mother.
01:16:12Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:13Hand her lampshades.
01:16:14Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:16Well, you ought to know.
01:16:17You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:18Now, this is gonna love for my parents.
01:16:19You tell her.
01:16:20Me it's worth it.
01:16:21I hear it.
01:16:22I'm suffering.
01:16:23To make me a better person...
01:16:24..an a very safe place.
01:16:25To make me happy.
01:16:26To make me happy.
01:16:27I'm sorry.
01:16:28You don't have to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:29No need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:30In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:34Your mother.
01:16:35Pardon?
01:16:36I like your mother.
01:16:37Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:38Hand her lampshades.
01:16:39Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42to know you've almost made it an art form anything else at random you've got 24 hours to spare after
01:16:48all i'm no bridget bardo according to reliable sources in san trapez she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98 of the male population of manchester and salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58bridget bardo and beryl battersby ask any opinion poll i'm much fatter for a start you're not all
01:17:04that fat beryl i am start slimming men like something to get hold of if they're allowed
01:17:09to get hold of it you always succeed in getting back to percy filth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no i don't beryl you do i always fail do you know what some girls find extremely likable the extremely
01:17:21likable way some boys stare at every girl they see boys like it when girls tell them what no spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time that they really dig you never say dig i did then your passionate
01:17:34unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about that's really lovable
01:17:39i never knew you thought that neither did i do now though
01:17:45i used to say dig before i met you
01:17:59used to say all sorts of things
01:18:05there's a lot about me i can't even remember
01:18:15there's a lot about me thinking what i'm thinking
01:18:34think so we just don't like each other at all
01:18:45i don't like each other at all
01:18:51oh goodbye then
01:18:54good luck peace man
01:19:00saint anne's square saint anne's square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits and what else do i need
01:19:22oh yes a ring teething ring wedding ring of course oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:32no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:35oh sorry what about skip it about time too with a sympathy not that i need any actually i've never
01:19:45been as happy in my life but she doesn't know that if i'm looking miserable sandra it's because
01:19:52i'm feeling happy for you yeah
01:19:58we know what you must be thinking of course we do how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:08ace
01:20:09she used to wear pink you know i won't tell you where
01:20:17a hell of a lot more where hers came from wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk jeffrey
01:20:26i know spells no
01:20:30super day for it
01:20:32hmm sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well sandra this is it yep the big day yeah coming to the crutch crunch
01:20:46i dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again
01:20:51you mustn't think i'll be crying inside because i most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that i am because i shan't truly
01:21:02sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:08it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:16and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:21fine this is fine enough here about there lovely
01:21:26you can kiss the bride on this one sir wow official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:34oh sorry that's right hold it lovely thank you right now a nice family group with the parents
01:21:42i remember the friday lunch time we first met
01:21:48how have you been absolutely great you never better ever
01:21:58it's all over now bar the salmon salad
01:22:02it's tuna fish it's life
01:22:12see president nixon went to china then that was before we ever met
01:22:17i know why has something happened about it no no could i trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:27speaking personally i think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:33nixon why is he going no the astronauts oh
01:22:39it's the wives and sweethearts i feel sorry for
01:22:46we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:50good isn't it shows we're friends now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:56everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:23:01we've really grown up haven't we my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth
01:23:07i'm right off it myself i've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:13oh i expect it's only temporary i hope not it's marvelous
01:23:18good i don't fancy you in the slightest now thank you love
01:23:22still off the food i noticed
01:23:32and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:35fantastic for example say i finally did marry someone like you only someone i love
01:23:41i bet i'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bet
01:23:51and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of kenny warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later
01:23:59we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:02i expect you're going to the match this afternoon oh yeah
01:24:05i'm helping sandra packer going away case where's she going hospital
01:24:09well we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:22and then we'll get her all the time
01:24:31we'll get out of there
01:24:33i went to know
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16Hi.
01:25:26Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Oh, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I'd play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:57Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57President Trump.
01:27:59I'm sorry.
01:28:08I'm sorry.
01:28:09I'm sorry.
01:28:12I'm sorry.
01:28:13You're altre!
01:28:15Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:56Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
01:29:38Are followed by the sun
01:29:40Love and rainy weather