Letterkenny Season 2 Episode 4 The Native Flu
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01You're out picking stones with your pals the other day.
00:06Sundays are for picking stones.
00:09Tale as old as time.
00:12Would you rather pick stones or pick worms?
00:15Well, picking worms is done at night, Nick, and gets rather brisk.
00:19So I'd say picking stones, because it's in the funshines.
00:22There's been an incident, and I'd like to talk about it.
00:26Get after it.
00:30For pitter-patter, let's get at her.
00:34Spit it out, big shoots.
00:38I seen Stuart's horn.
00:41What?
00:42You seen his impaler?
00:43His Bobby Dangler.
00:44Well...
00:45You seen his PhD?
00:46His WMD.
00:47Oh, look, fellas.
00:49You seen his friendly weapon?
00:50His sticky grenade.
00:51His ground squirrel?
00:52Yeah, I seen his ground squirrel.
00:54You seen Stuart's middle stump?
00:56You seen his custard slinger.
00:58Well, I'm coming up the stairs.
00:59He's coming out of the bathroom naked as a jaybird for some fucking reason.
01:03I round the corner, and yeah, I seen his, uh...
01:06His hollow point.
01:07His hard drive.
01:08Well, his floppy disk is what I seen, yeah.
01:11Well, what's the evaluation?
01:14Yeah.
01:15I'd hear an assessment.
01:19You wanna what?
01:21Look like a tall boy can of Red Bull hanging there.
01:24No.
01:25Look like a tube of tennis balls hanging there, a four-pack.
01:28Shut up.
01:29Look like a fucking policeman's flashlight from the 1980s hanging there.
01:33You're joking.
01:35That is no joke.
01:38Good job, Stuart.
01:40That's what I said.
01:41I said good for him.
01:42Good for you, Stuart.
01:44Like I'm happy for him.
01:45Yeah, it's really good for him.
01:47Well, it's a terrific opportunity.
01:49Good for you, Stuart.
01:51Pump the brakes.
01:52Stuart isn't a really big dude.
01:54Are you sure the size of his horn wasn't accentuated by his really tiny frame?
01:59Looked like a one-liter thermos hanging there.
02:06Because...
02:07Because, you know, a really big dude could have a massive horn, but it would look really
02:11small in proportion to his gigantic frame, right?
02:14Have you been reading my diary?
02:16I'll tell you what, it looked like a deflated football hanging there.
02:20Fuck.
02:24Do you wanna what?
02:26There's such a thing as too much horn talk and a fella ought to be fucking aware of it.
02:42Like, none of these donkeys even dip, bro.
02:45These chumps even chew, bro.
02:47Like, none of these dunces ever had a dinger.
02:49These losers never had a lipper, bro.
02:52Like, chill out, have a chop.
02:54Peace out, have a pull.
02:55Have a hogger.
02:56Have a dinger.
02:57Have a hammer.
02:58Say hello to Sgt.
02:59Spitter, boys.
03:00Spirna.
03:01Spirna.
03:02Big roadie this weekend schmelz.
03:04Let's see some heart.
03:05Where we going, boys?
03:06You don't know?
03:07Check the schedule.
03:08This is senior A.
03:09Will shit hockey.
03:12Do you think I checked the skeddy?
03:14I don't give a shit about the skeddy.
03:17Take a lap, lifer.
03:19Hang him up, hero.
03:20Shut it down, Tom.
03:21Skeddy.
03:22Hit the shower, skeddy better.
03:24You're softer than skeddy ruckspin.
03:26Schmelz got jokes, Yorkie.
03:28You won't be laughing for long, Bartz.
03:31You're about to meet the natives, boys.
03:33The senior A natives.
03:35You thought the juniors were tough?
03:37The senior natives will fucking kill you.
03:39You got the native flu, you little bitch, Yorkie?
03:46It's the native flu if you've ever seen it, Bartz.
03:49Schultzy.
03:50You scared of the natives, pussy?
03:54Fisky.
03:55Fever, body aches, nausea.
03:58All symptoms freddy cats fake to get out of playing the natives.
04:01Boomtown.
04:02I hate freddy cats like I love my wife.
04:05Intensely.
04:07I love her so much.
04:09You're not having native flu.
04:11No?
04:12So what's got you looking like a freddy cat, you little bitch?
04:15Yorkie.
04:17Cockophobia.
04:18Fear of ugliness.
04:20I don't think so.
04:23I'm gorgeous.
04:24Schultzy.
04:26Cockrophobia?
04:27The fear of poop?
04:29Nah, you both pooped your pants when we mentioned the natives.
04:34Pussy.
04:36Fisky.
04:38Electorophobia.
04:39Fear of chickens?
04:41Uh-uh.
04:42Cause you'd be fred of each other.
04:44Boomtown.
04:45Pantherophobia?
04:47Fear your mother-in-law?
04:49Fuck that.
04:50I love my mother-in-law like I love my wife.
04:54I'm a good man.
04:56It's not the native flu.
04:57You're a crybaby.
04:59Barely off the tit, you little bitch.
05:02Yorkie.
05:03Put the bottle away, mom.
05:04He still wants the tit.
05:07Schultzy.
05:08You scared of the natives, pussy?
05:10Fisky.
05:11Gutless.
05:12Spineless.
05:13No heart.
05:14Boomtown.
05:15Boomtown.
05:16I'm a good man.
05:17Check the schedule, Schmeltz.
05:20Know the schedule, Schmeltz.
05:23Walk some Skeddy Murphy.
05:26Pussy.
05:27Fisk.
05:28Listen to some Skeddy Van Halen.
05:31Boomtown.
05:32Or Sked Sheeran.
05:33My wife loves Sked Sheeran.
05:34My wife loves Sked Sheeran.
05:36Schmeltz have the native flu, boys.
05:41Those aren't real things.
05:42I'm not checking the Skeddy.
05:43Fuck the Skeddy.
05:44Fuck the Skeddy.
05:45Fuck the Skeddy.
05:46Fuck the Skeddy.
05:47Fuck the Skeddy.
05:48Can you wait?
05:49Holy cow, shmeltz.
05:50No!
05:51Oh, no!
05:52No!
05:53No!
05:54No!
05:55No!
05:56No!
05:57No!
05:58No!
05:59No!
06:00No!
06:03No!
06:04No!
06:05No!
06:06No!
06:07No!
06:08No!
06:09No!
06:10No!
06:11we uh we need to talk boys uh but not to her boys piss off you were getting squeezers from
06:25each other's billet sisters the entire time dude did you tell her about the hand he's on
06:30who told her about the golfers bro you just did shit fuck it we got a roadie to the res this weekend
06:43boys big roadie play the natives this weekend boys you got the native flute we do not have the
06:50native flute we do not have the native flute don't be scared to admit sit those natives are
06:57tough as hell those natives are tougher than hell look we can handle the natives in the rink boys
07:03we know we got business in their barn boys but tanis and her troops are gonna be waiting for us
07:11in the parking lot so we we need backup boys hard no go come on where's your jam bud not my pig not
07:20my farm where's the sacrifice oh get off the cross we need the wood we tuned them up on our
07:27turf just a fort nights ago yeah we step back on theirs now that's a suicide mission
07:32i hear tanis wants the ban on letter kenny lifted too then she shouldn't have burned down the
07:41fucking produce stand come on where's your goddamn hustle butt let's see the hustle boys
07:47when a man asks you for help you help them
07:50pitter patter
07:54i guess i haven't been a scrap in a while
07:58we could go get bags of darts too and their venison pepperettes are not to be missed
08:04i pretty near popped a street meat vendor outside of jay's game one time for selling me a venison dog
08:09ain't no goat the goddamn way that's venison dogs no
08:12well
08:13i go for a scrap
08:16then we'll need reinforcements
08:18joy boy
08:19hey call jb
08:21what about
08:22no
08:23you mean the ginger
08:25hard
08:25no
08:26but
08:28now everybody listen up so i'm only gonna say this once we never talk about again you understand
08:33we all lay off the ginger and boots now
08:37because the ginger and boots did not fuck an ostrich
08:44yeah i heard they fucked two ostriches
08:46allegedly
08:47folks will say that it takes two people to fuck an ostrich
08:51three even
08:52folks are also saying that it was a sick ostrich
08:55allegedly
08:56now i went on the internet and researched ostriches
09:00firstly ostriches can run up to 70 miles an hour
09:04so catching one even a sick one is a super tall order
09:09yeah there's two of them
09:10secondly
09:11when a male ostrich
09:13it's called a cock
09:14fights over a female ostrich
09:18it's called a hen
09:19they're known to kill each other by head butting
09:22we should wear hockey helmets
09:24hockey helmets buddy
09:26oh they need a race car helmet likely
09:29finally
09:30ostriches use their legs to defend from predators
09:33and can use them to kill even their largest and most deadly enemies
09:38which are fucking lions
09:39that's the king of the jungle
09:41still just a cat
09:43so you'll see
09:44there is no way
09:45the ginger and boots could have fucked an ostrich
09:49maybe they attract the ostrich
09:51like they roofied the ostrich
09:53you know what you should feel bad about even suggesting that ginger and boots fucked an ostrich
09:58bad gas travels real fast in a small town
10:02my research concludes that the only way the ginger and boots could have fucked an ostrich
10:07is if it was a dead ostrich
10:09ginger and boots
10:11a dead ostrich
10:13i thought it was just sick
10:15oh my
10:16jenny
10:17the ginger and boots effed a dead ostrich
10:20ostrich
10:21oh bother
10:22of course i know what the male ones are called
10:24check my browser history
10:27what the hell
10:28what the hell
10:29what the hell
10:30I don't care
10:31what the hell
10:32oh..
10:32Oh no
10:34oh no
10:35oh no
10:36oh no
10:37oh no
10:38oh no
10:39oh no
10:40oh no
10:41what the hell
10:42what the hell
10:42dont you're a weakness steward
10:43i'm not
10:43i'm sunburnt
10:44Hey you
10:46hey you
10:47hey you
10:48this is awkward
10:49but your shirt seems to have shrunk in the wash
10:51not awkward
10:52things shrink in the wash
10:53how do you explain your dick
10:54quick wit
10:55Quick wit. Valuable asset. Must really serve a lady of the night like you will.
11:00He means you're a hooker.
11:01Thanks, Roald. You speak?
11:05Heard a song this morning that reminded me of you.
11:08Really? So cool. What was it?
11:10Die. Die, my darling.
11:12Metallica. Love them. Actually, they have a song that reminds me of you, too.
11:16Oh?
11:17Yeah. Sad, but true.
11:20Why don't you run along and get your essentials? You know, long, smooth, cylindrical-shaped objects.
11:29Actually, I'm just looking for some three-inch screws to hang a frame.
11:33Hey, you know what three inches looks like, right?
11:41He's a skill. Don't listen to him, Kevin. They wanted you to go to debate school.
11:50Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
12:03Hey, what's up?
12:05We're... we're just going to...
12:07Kidding. I don't give a fuck.
12:09Looking you got a bad case of the native flu should have brought your fucking bodyguards.
12:13We do not have the native flu, okay?
12:16It's not the native flu.
12:18Okay. And one tits better than two.
12:21Tannis, all we want to do is go inside, rip a couple of snap bombs, and then go home.
12:28Just want to rip some snaps and bury some claps, Tannis.
12:31Pack some limbs and rack some pins.
12:34Lay beats and fill seats.
12:35Yeah? You just want to get pucks deep?
12:37Get pucks deep.
12:38Yeah, get pucks in there.
12:39Shut the fuck up.
12:41If you think you're going to make it into that rink, you're fucking stupid.
12:45Do some damage, boys!
12:51What's up?
12:56Listen. I'm four lines deep of BFIs and they're ready to speedbag you spacemen.
13:01It's a BFI.
13:03Big fucking Indians.
13:05Not sure that's PC, but you said it.
13:08A few toads walk out of there with all your chicklets and I'm a fucking ferret.
13:12Piss off.
13:14Cool.
13:16That's not cool.
13:18You ready for a chin check?
13:22Yup.
13:25You can avoid it if you want to.
13:28Nope.
13:29I want the ban on Letterkenny lifted.
13:47There's some good money that can be made selling smokes there.
13:52You've made your point. We fucked off.
13:54The point's not made yet.
13:56It's not calculus.
13:57Finite math is worse.
13:59Trigonometry fucked me.
14:01I forgot law in division in grade six.
14:04Okay.
14:06Lift the ban on Letterkenny.
14:08We'll make a buck and you can cruise your res.
14:10Beg the darts?
14:11Yeah, go to the casino.
14:12Have some pepperettes?
14:14Yes. Go watch a fucking hockey game.
14:18No.
14:19No.
14:20FBI is coming.
14:21Who's that?
14:22Fucking big engines.
14:26Now one of you's farted right before she got here and she definitely thought it was me.
14:41Dan?
14:42I'd admit to.
14:43JB.
14:44Would've went out my window.
14:45Maybe she farted.
14:46It was me.
14:47Hey, since when did algebra become a quick wank?
14:48I always popped my grade nine math teacher over Pythagorean term.
14:49Did you get expelled?
14:50Just suspended.
14:51Yeah.
14:52Well, probability and statistics.
14:53Like, probably never gonna need them statistics in your whole life.
14:54That's kinda like fractions.
14:55Like multiplication.
14:56Yeah.
14:57I'd admit to.
14:58I'd admit to.
14:59JB.
15:00Would've went out my window.
15:01Maybe she farted.
15:02It was me.
15:03Hey, since when did algebra become a quick wank?
15:04I always popped my grade nine math teacher over Pythagorean term.
15:06Did you get expelled?
15:07Just suspended.
15:08Yeah.
15:09Well, probability and statistics.
15:10Like, probably never gonna need them statistics in your whole life.
15:11Well, it's kinda like fractions.
15:12Like multiplying and dividing them.
15:13Like, who the fuck's doing that?
15:14My friend David does two and dine.
15:15He uses fractions.
15:16Should've just got his fridge ticket.
15:17Well, David has his fridge ticket.
15:18Well, you should just drive truck.
15:19Well, it's never too late to drive truck.
15:21Whoa.
15:22Eyelash.
15:23Make a wish.
15:24Wish you weren't so fuckin' awkward, bud.
15:25Five minutes!
15:26Ha!
15:27Ha!
15:28Ha!
15:29Ha!
15:30Ha!
15:31Ha!
15:32Ha!
15:33Ha!
15:34Ha!
15:35Ha!
15:36Ha!
15:37Ha!
15:38Ha!
15:39Ha!
15:40Ha!
15:41Ha!
15:42Ha!
15:43Ha!
15:44Ha!
15:45Ha!
15:46Ha!
15:47Ha!
15:49Ha!
15:50Ha!
15:51Ha!
15:52Ha!
15:53Ha!
15:54Ha!
15:55Ha!
15:56Ha!
15:57Ha!
15:58Ha!
15:59You ready, bro?
16:00Warm ready, buddy.
16:01You stretch it out, bro?
16:03You limber, bro.
16:04I say we get a couple shifts in before we answer the bell.
16:07Get a couple shifts in before tea time?
16:09Get that first try and just keep going, buddy.
16:11Don't hesitate, buddy.
16:12Take a shift, Schmelz.
16:14I'm sure you won't get it.
16:15Just wait a bit, buddy!
16:16We get back on your head.
16:17I'm almost 50.
16:18Let go of the pub!
16:19Thanks, man!
16:20We did it, buddy.
16:21Let go of the pub.
16:22I have to come and get it out of the pub!
16:23To the pub!
16:24Ha, ha, ha, ha!
16:54Ha, ha, ha, ha!
17:24Ha, ha, ha, ha!
17:54Ha, ha, ha, ha!
18:24Ha, ha, ha, ha!
18:54Two things.
18:55One, now we'll let those sit for 10 to 15 minutes till they're room temperature.
18:59Two, where's the salt and pepper button?
19:01Don't you fucking start.
19:02S&P, the choice for me.
19:04I paid a sea hair just shy of 20 for each of these sea suckers,
19:08and I will not be told how to cook them.
19:10You paid 20 apiece for bird of beef?
19:12Only bird of beef.
19:13Well, no guff, but I wouldn't pay 20 apiece for Japanese wagyu.
19:16Always bird of beef.
19:17Hard yes, but I wouldn't pay 20 apiece for Australian wagyu.
19:22Better want a ribeye if it's a wagyu.
19:24One inch thick top sirloin.
19:26Grill at 400.
19:27Four minutes aside, down the hatch.
19:29You are fucking up, bud.
19:30That's Dex book.
19:32Not without the S&P.
19:33Those fine ranchers in Alberta would be a sea hair away from not sending it here
19:36if they knew you were sprinkling salt all over the sea suckers.
19:39You're a sea hair away from getting sea suck and socked, good buddy.
19:42Montreal Steak Spice really should be a part of this conversation.
19:46One inch thick top sirloin steak.
19:48Salt and pepper heavily.
19:49Grill at 400.
19:50Four minutes total.
19:52Flip each minute to get the good grill marks.
19:54Let sit for two minutes down the hatch.
19:56Flip twice.
19:57Grill marks, bud.
19:59Sacrimage.
19:59I will strike you.
20:01Blasphemy.
20:01Do you want to get striked?
20:03Finish the whole thing off with a real nice herbs and garlic, bud.
20:06Don't fuck up my steak dinner, dairy.
20:08Any decent chef will tell you you don't even want to let those things touch the grill.
20:12Make it drier and a fart.
20:14What you want to do, pants sear it, both sides.
20:16Finish her off in the ovens.
20:20Well, so you know, that sounds like overhandling to me.
20:22You'd be overhandling of squirly dandling?
20:24Well, he'd be squirly dandling.
20:26Oh, yeah.
20:27Me and Gordon Ramsay are both morons.
20:29You want to what?
20:30Meet halfway.
20:32All right.
20:33No S&P.
20:35Flip twice.
20:35Good.
20:36Rare to medium rare.
20:37Medium rare.
20:41Yo!
20:42Ding, ding, pink nicks.
20:51This one's mine.
20:53Throw them steaks on, dairy.
20:54This won't take long.
20:55Remember me, boys?
21:10How's that bird of beef?
21:13Real marks, bud.
21:15That's the two-fight rule for the win, boys.
21:21Two-fight, that's your night, buddy.
21:23Mm-hmm.
21:24Did you get any good shots in?
21:27All good ones, bro.
21:29He fish hooked me, so I chomped his finger.
21:32He gave me a pretty good seatbelt, so I pinched the shit out of the back with his arm, buddy.
21:36I fucking hate when that happens.
21:38He did too, buddy.
21:40Yeah, hey.
21:42We would have dusted him if he hadn't jumped us.
21:45Proper dust, inferta.
21:47Hey, shirt, Tucker.
21:49Hey, shirt, Tucker.
21:51Oh, shit.
21:53Fuck, buddy.
21:54We would have dusted him if he didn't jump us.
22:04Proper dust, inferta.
22:06Hey, shirt, Tucker.
22:17That doesn't really narrow it down.
22:20You.
22:22Meet me halfway.
22:32I'll level with you.
22:33We have a BFI on standby that will fuck you up.
22:36Okay.
22:37He'll lynch you.
22:38Good.
22:38He'll end you.
22:39That's redundant.
22:40You can end this if you lift the ban.
22:42You burned down our produce stand, Tannis.
22:47Listen, I don't want to call him.
22:49You can call him.
22:50Yeah, but I don't want to.
22:51No, give him a call.
22:52I'd rather work this out with you.
22:53Too much talk.
22:54Wait, wait, wait.
22:58We're having a really hard time on the res, okay?
23:00And selling cigarettes in Letterkenny really helps us out,
23:04and all of the money goes back into the community.
23:06This dude doesn't exist, does he?
23:13I want you to meet someone.
23:17Dustin!
23:18Dustin!
23:18We don't have a lot of money,
23:31and I'd sure like to play baseball.
23:34Please lift the ban, Wayne.
23:35You can get a glove for free at the Sally Ann.
23:38Just have Mom or Dad drive you down there.
23:41Don't, uh...
23:42Don't care much for kids, so...
23:45Bubba Wally!
23:46The cupboards are bare in the Elder's Lodge.
24:05I'm so tired and sore.
24:08You lift the ban, Wayne.
24:09Got plenty of fresh produce on the farm.
24:12Use your welcome to it.
24:16Lego!
24:16Oh, fuck.
24:32A three-legged dog.
24:35And look, Wayne.
24:46Another three-legged dog.
24:51It's cute, eh?
24:52You can come back once per week,
25:02Saturday morning.
25:03Set up shop in the Farmer's Market parking lot.
25:06We'll spread the word.
25:10No.
25:10Does this dude exist or not?
25:16Mmm.
25:25Hit or patter!
25:39Hey, Katie.
25:39You're at lunch there?
25:41Yeah.
25:42You want a bite?
25:44Who's this?
25:45He looks just like you.
25:46You actually look great today.
25:49You know, in comparison to this bag of shit.
25:52You're welcome.
25:53So?
25:54So?
25:54Still an unapologetically promiscuous tart?
25:57Yep.
25:58Still a heartbreakingly inadequate chronic masturbator?
26:01No!
26:02High rolled.
26:03Whatever.
26:06Stuart.
26:06You and I were a bad idea.
26:12Evident.
26:14But I still think you're cool.
26:19Adios.
26:19Hey, Devin.
26:31Nyah!
26:32Want a bite?
26:33Okay.
26:33So what say that dude exists?
26:48He doesn't.
26:50Yeah, but what say that he did?
26:52What if he walks up and hoofs you right in the nuts like joint boy?
26:56JB's right.
26:56It's him or you.
26:58What a kick in the undercarriage.
27:00Did Tannis ever recover when I hoofed her?
27:03I think she kind of did, but...
27:04Just kidding.
27:04I don't give a fuck.
27:06You still sweet on her, though, Derry?
27:09Nope.
27:10Why?
27:12Bonnie McMurray.
27:13That's why.
27:14You're sweet on Bonnie McMurray?
27:17Well, you bet I am.
27:18Huh.
27:18Sam.
27:19Well, it's no fucking mystery, Murdoch.
27:22Better be the dude doing the hoof and then the dude getting hoofed.
27:25Or the girl getting hoofed.
27:27Exhibit A.
27:28Tannis.
27:29For the kicks and the co-jumps.
27:31Well, it's too late once you've been hoofed in the nuts, isn't it?
27:33You're standing there holding your ball sack wondering why you didn't hoof first.
27:37Or you're standing there holding your box wondering why you never hoof first.
27:40So what you're saying is that dude's existed.
27:45We've already established the dude doesn't fucking exist, have we not?
27:48You'd kick him right in the pills?
27:50I'm fucking irritated.
27:52Would you kick him right in the pill box?
27:55I'm gonna go see what's on television.
27:58We're just speaking hyper-ethically here, bud.
28:02Ain't no reason to get upset, Wayne.
28:05I don't know.
28:17Save me an Indian taco.
28:45How are you now?
28:46Does the dude exist or not?
28:49No.
28:50He's worked to our finest.
28:52No one else measures up.
28:54Yet.
28:56Stay for a barbecue?
28:58No, thank you.
28:59Stay.
29:07What are you cooking?
29:08Wagyu.
29:09Wagyu?
29:10Wagyu, New York.
29:12I was told you should go for the ribeye if it's a wagyu.
29:15Duh.
29:15How are you cooking them?
29:17One inch thick wagyu, New York's, heavily salt and peppered.
29:20Grill at 400.
29:21Four minutes total.
29:23Flip once a minute for those good grill marks.
29:28Let sit for two minutes and then down the hatch.
29:33Flip once a minute, hey?
29:39Grill marks, bud.
29:40Grill marks, bud.
29:45Sorry, sorry, I got a missed call from the massage parlor.
29:51I'm shooting at you, fresh out of jail till I need you to ball harder.
29:56You know, right to approve, you'll pull the jack move from the inventory low.
30:00When you're back up, you know the story goes.
30:02When before me, know you're back up, boy, you blow.
30:05What's that?
30:07You think of what you do, but just have to get the board to the brick?
30:10Is that this while I hacked up to a house, build a bed, hooked to a warping drip?
30:15I mean, the criminality and the don't mind.
30:18Come on, the drone swipes, you don't know right.
30:21You sort of egged to the stranger and the anacron want you to strip.
30:25They can keep crying up before you get mixed.
30:27So miss me with that high power, buddy.
30:37Come on, the man, you're all my famous game,
30:41we're going to strip.
30:44Miss me with that high power, buddy.
30:47Come on, the man, you're all my famous game,
30:53you're all my famous game,
30:55you're all my famous game,