Letterkenny Season 4 Episode 2 A Fuss at the Golf Course
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00:00One of your dogs was being a D-Gen the other day.
00:05What's that? What's that?
00:08Don't let the dog lick your boot.
00:11Stop it. Wiggle. Wiggle. Wiggle.
00:16What's the problem?
00:18Your boots are covered in piss.
00:21You accuse me of washing my boots in the toilet again?
00:24All dude's shoes are covered in piss,
00:26from standing in front of the toilet or the urinal.
00:29Your stream hits the water or the porcelain that goes fucking everywhere.
00:33Yeah, prove it.
00:34No, he's right.
00:35You ever take a look at the area, half the foot in front of the urinal?
00:38It's like a miniature swamps.
00:40Ants can ride some deuce through it.
00:42Ants can't ride no sea deuce?
00:44Of course, ants can't ride no sea deuce.
00:46Just don't let the dog lick your boots.
00:48I mean, not to be an expert on the subject,
00:51because, of course, everybody's a fucking expert.
00:54Everybody's a fucking expert. Must be nice.
00:56You know, when I was coming up, we'd be lucky to even have the dog.
00:59Now everyone's a fucking expert. Must be nice.
01:01You guys ever notice that when there's a problem,
01:03everybody turns into a dog expert?
01:05We gotta leave this world behind.
01:08Maybe they could.
01:15Maybe who could?
01:17Ants.
01:18For what?
01:19Ride sea deuce.
01:21Good buddy?
01:25See, there's a lot of variables at play here, obviously.
01:28But if you ask me if I've heard crazier things than ants riding sea deuce,
01:33I'd say sure.
01:35You'd need a scientist.
01:36You'd need a team of scientists, I think.
01:38Well, ants is smart enough to walk single file and protect their queens,
01:42so you know they're just a stone's throw away from humans, intelligence-wise.
01:45They're a hop, skip, and a jump, if you really think about it.
01:47Can you get a scientist to make sea deuce for an ant?
01:50Well, I think a team of scientists. A good one. For sure could.
01:54A scientist making sea deuce for ants would be a tireless job.
01:57Tankless likely to.
01:59Well, he operates the gas with your thumb on the sea deuce, so ants don't got thumbs,
02:03that right there is your first obstacle.
02:05Well, you'd have to get scientists to make the gas a push button,
02:09so the ant could just put his foot on it.
02:11It's like if a team of scientists was building a sea deuce for an ant,
02:14they could likely just as easily build the ant bionic thumb to operate the gas with.
02:19There's options there.
02:20Yeah, the ant would need a license to operate a personal watercraft.
02:24That's not a big deal. You can get that over the weekend, big bang boom.
02:28Well, the scientists would have to build him a PFD because they wouldn't let him take the course without it.
02:32Ants would have no problem stabilizing themselves out on the sea deuce
02:35on account that they've got more arms and legs than we do.
02:38They've got a leg up on us there if he wants to be clever about it.
02:41If I'm an ant, I'm operating the sea deuce with my antennas.
02:44That way I've got all those arms and legs to stabilize myself on the machine,
02:48which you'd need, like, if it's a wavy day on the water.
02:51They'd still take a lot of concentration from an ant.
02:54Like, the ant's going to fall off two, three times when he gets going.
02:58It was just trial and error.
03:00I don't know.
03:02You don't know what?
03:04The thing about, honey, I shrunk the kids.
03:07The thing about how helpful and resilient the ant was the entire journey.
03:12Come on, what I'm just going to come right out and say that the kids might never have gone unshrunk if it weren't for the ant.
03:17That's all well and good, but I'm actually quite surprised you guys would suggest that the ant would just up and abandon his post protecting the queens to go riding seduce.
03:25Well, you don't know that ant, Dan.
03:27You know nothing about the ant, Dan.
03:29That's rather presumptuous obvious.
03:31You're an ant coming up in a tough neighborhood.
03:34You never caught a break in your life.
03:36All of a sudden, there's a team of scientists outside your door with a sea deuce.
03:40Dan, look me in your eye right now and tell me you don't ride it.
03:44The ant's buddies would be thrilled to help him out.
03:46They would happily cover his ship protecting the queen.
03:48For an opportunity like that, they'd be lined up around the ant hill.
03:51How many more opportunities like that do you think the ant's going to get?
03:54Not many.
03:56That's the first ant in the colony to ride a sea deuce.
03:58And that's his legacy.
03:59They'd be talking about that ant intercolonial.
04:01Fire ants wouldn't fuck with him.
04:03He'd ride sea deuce.
04:05What's the alternative?
04:06What's the alternative?
04:07Work on an ant farm?
04:09That ant's got a life on the outside.
04:11He's gonna live it, goddammit.
04:12His hours might have got cut.
04:14He might have mouths to feed.
04:15You don't know.
04:16His wife's thinking about leaving him.
04:18Taking the kids, too.
04:19I was that lying.
04:21Well, good people make mistakes, Dan.
04:23Yeah, it's alright.
04:24It's just like, I don't know, like down the road, I think if you hear somebody talk about
04:29somebody that they don't really know, you'll swiftly correct them.
04:32I think it's important that we just learn something here.
04:36Not to be an expert, because everybody's a fucking expert.
04:40Must be nice.
04:41Can you get me some sour candies?
05:02Sir Katie Cat.
05:03It's really you don't know all the way up here.
05:04It's a huge shot.
05:05You got them well trained, don't you?
05:06Wayne, hurry now.
05:07Not bad.
05:08Good and you.
05:09Not bad.
05:10Hold on.
05:11Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.
05:12Wait.
05:13We ain't got time for the pleasantries, alright?
05:23You guys heard what the hockey coach is up to what the golf course?
05:33Fuck golf.
05:34Fuck an ankle-sock, we're in Sally, that's all I know.
05:37Fuck golf.
05:38Fuck your ankle sock. We're in Sally's. That's all I know.
05:41That fucking twat says there's too much shits from Canada Gooses on a golf course.
05:46There's too much shit from Canada Gooses everywhere.
05:49Just keep your dog out of it and keep walking.
05:51Exactly. But get this.
05:53To curb the amounts of shits from Canada Gooses,
05:57that degenerate son of a bitch has put the wheels in motion to oil and grease up the eggs.
06:02Hot Jimmy!
06:02What the fuck are you talking about, oil and grease up the eggs?
06:05They track down the Canada Gooses' nests,
06:08put oil on the Canada Gooses' eggs so they won't hatch.
06:10Ugh! What?
06:12So mother Canada Gooses sit on their eggs and wait diligently for them to...
06:18Hatch, but they never hatch.
06:21The Canada Gooses slings die inside the egg?
06:23What?
06:24What?
06:26What?
06:27What?
06:28I'd never been so irate in my whole fucking life.
06:31You don't fuck with Mother Nature. You don't fuck with that cocksucker.
06:34You don't fuck with motherhood.
06:36There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers, that's all I know.
06:39Those are fucking Canada Gooses.
06:43Those are Canada's fucking gooses.
06:45Canada Gooses are Majestics.
06:48Barrel Chestens.
06:49The enemies of all ornithologies.
06:51They are leaders.
06:53Born and bred leaders.
06:54Canada Gooses are veering fucking guard.
06:56Have you fucking guard?
06:58Guardians of the fucking galaxy.
07:00You know what? You got a problem with Canada Gooses, and you got a problem with me, and I suggest that that one marinate.
07:05Now Coach is an expert on Canada Gooses. Must be fucking nice.
07:09If I was coming up, you'd be lucky to even have Canada Gooses. Now we got so many, you want to start killing their babies. Must be fucking nice.
07:16You guys ever notice that as soon as there's a problem around here, everybody starts killing Canada Gooses. We ought to leave this world behind.
07:25Canada Gooses mate for life. They're just like you and me.
07:29Those cocksuckers help each other fly on the air. They'll go for each other. I know you don't want to kill them for taking ships.
07:35You know, I saw two Canada Gooses mount a swan one time, and you gotta think that swan told her friends about it.
07:42You're goddamn right she did.
07:44I think we all need to take a good look in the mirror and ask ourselves where we would be without Canada Gooses.
07:51We cannot allow this to happen. We will not allow this to happen.
07:57I'm about ready to put some anthrax in the fucking mail here. That's all I know.
08:00Oh, settle down, baby. Settle down.
08:03Hey! To the golf course.
08:12Hey. Hey, buddy. Oh, hey, buddy. You, uh, throwing some weights around, eh?
08:17Yeah, be set up. Nice. Muscle confusing. Aggressive overloading. Getting yoked. Getting yoked. Nice.
08:28You can use a spot every now and then, though. You know? You can use a spot sometimes, too.
08:34But I'm fine, though, man. Like, I'm good. Oh, yeah, no. I'm good, dude. You're super good, man. Thanks for...
08:44That's... Sleeve.
08:50You brought the rockets, boys.
08:53Who's Billet Brothers are fucking rockets, boys?
08:56I'll celebrate your biscuit all night, bud.
08:58Ever gone bar-upski?
08:59Fag.
09:00How'd you know your dad's safer when I fist his ass, bud?
09:04We got real dirty with his dangle, bud.
09:06I fucked your dad with chapped lips and a runny nose.
09:09Fucked your dad with bad breath and B.O.
09:13Olympic rules in this shootout, boys. Order of shooters is me, me, me, and then me again. I'm fucking T.J. Oshie.
09:22You've never seen a two-way centerman with jam like this, boys.
09:26Let's see some jam, boys. Let's see you jam it right up there.
09:30You need a pest on your roster? I'm a shit disturber.
09:33I'll disturb your shit all night.
09:35I'll play some Chell.
09:42I should really get back to Katie, buddy.
09:45You're cool.
09:47Man, she makes me do stuff for, like, all the time.
09:50I'll play Chell with you, buddy.
09:52Let's hit that A button.
09:54A, A, A, A.
09:57And if he gets fired, I'll be right there to hit A, A, A, A form.
10:05I'll cover his point any day.
10:09Must be nice.
10:17Thank you. I am very good.
10:19So, ladies and gentlemen of the Letterkenny Grey Granite Copper Creek Whistle Ridge Golf and Country Club,
10:27goose droppings will no longer be impeding our play on this lovely course.
10:32Thank you. Thank you. Now, let's hit the links.
10:37So, something around here got a problem with can of gooses taking can of deuces?
10:43Must be nice.
10:45When I was coming up, we'd be lucky to even have oils for our tractors.
10:50Now you got so much of it you want to pour it on eggs? Must be fucking nice.
10:54If everybody's got a problem these days, straight to dumping oil on it.
10:57We gotta leave this world behind.
10:59Well, you know what? You got a problem with can of gooses, and you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate it.
11:05Leave the egg painting to the Easter Bunny, you pile of shit!
11:11Your wardrobe color scheme looks like a bipolar spell.
11:16Get those crocksuckers off your feet!
11:19Pardon?
11:20Vehicle sass, you fucking sally!
11:22How's your wife let you leave the house looking like that, huh?
11:25My wife died three years ago.
11:27Yeah, well, one look at you, it's clear she's in a better place now, you fucking asshole!
11:31Look, the oiling of goose eggs was approved by the board, alright?
11:36And a fine board it is.
11:38So, your little breaking glass display is not gonna work.
11:43That's why we have a new by-law that prohibits glass bottles, so all of you are gonna get fined.
11:50Fine my balls, you fucking dandy. Fine them. And suck them while you're at it, you chooch.
11:57I will do neither of those things, good sir.
12:00There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers as well, we say.
12:03Yes, and those animals will now have a special place in heaven as well.
12:07Along with my wife, Barbara.
12:09So, let's hit the links!
12:12Fucking embarrassing!
12:15I'm ready to drive my car and do a crown.
12:21Let's get to work on getting the Canada Gooses off the golf course.
12:25We have some coyote decoys in the shed.
12:27Works for that golf course off the Maitland River.
12:29Yeah, it'll work here too.
12:31Pitter-patter.
12:32We'll get to work on getting the ankle socks off the golf course.
12:35Ain't that right, baby.
12:37Yes.
12:38Let's do this.
12:39Let's do this.
12:40No.
12:41B
13:10what's up boys nothing you nothing i'm not really doing a whole lot of anything these days
13:24oh oh be my altar boy man be my altar man the lord worketh dayeth and nighteth in his battle
13:34to cast away the heathens that's a lot of work for the lord alone the lord could use some helpeth
13:41in his fight against the heathens no the lordeth have all the help in the world
13:48and all they want is your money anyway join us connect conjugate go with us i'm not really
13:59religious boys that'll do i'm nothing really against it though that'll do can't we all just hang out no
14:17coyotes the most obnoxious predators of rural canadas townhouse will give you 65 bucks to
14:23tails picking them off but killing coyotes is okay coyotes will raid your hen house coyotes
14:29attack your livestock too you don't see no canada gooses stealing from nobody good or bad
14:33well you know what canada gooses do canada gooses helps the people it's being stolen from that's
14:39what canada gooses do tell you what if you're accusing canada gooses of stealing you're accusing
14:43me of steel and i suggest you let that one marry let's get real here coyote decoys work on canada
14:49gooses but there's not a coyote on planet earth that wants nothing to do with no canada gooses
14:53well lions is lucky canada gooses don't migrate to africa then they'd be extinct the only animal
15:00in the animal kingdom that wants anything to do with canada gooses is canada mooses
15:05well mike tyson had a pretty good run of things don't know why no canada gooses in his weight class
15:10won't you remember when that plane had to land in the river in new york as canada gooses flew into the
15:15engine it's because canada gooses likely had intel that was a pedophile or two on board and took matters into
15:20their own hands as they should no innocent people hurt either you think that's fluke you tell me
15:26that's fluke go ahead and try telling me that's a fluke you try to tell me that's fluke right now
15:29wait look no canada gooses on the golf course means no eggs to be oiled animal cruelty avoided
15:36fucking a you know when i was coming up you'd be lucky to even have any animals now you got so many
15:41animals you want to be cruel to them must be fucking nice anytime anybody's got a problem these days it's
15:46straight to being cruel to animals gotta leave this world behind keep it moving i want to get
15:52some sun today and there's still lots to do for canada gooses anything
15:56fucking embarrassing gonna replace that given there asshole that car sucker went farther than you
16:11both did you sally you got your pin too much in there i got a pitch for you go fuck yourself
16:18that's aggressive heard you were sexually hayrassing all the beer cart girls we have a beer cart boy in this
16:24club so bango that's some fucking self-respect you fucking sally you're on canada gooses land you
16:33better fix that damn it because canada gooses will fix it for you special place and having
16:38freaking animal lovers is what i always say watch yourself baby you suck
16:45all right all right jonesy despite catastrophic contrariness in character and concerning contrast
17:02and conduct disturbing disparity and demeanor don't be redundant trolled oh my god i just woke up remind me
17:09hey do you enjoy gaming yeah dancing dancing no hard drugs it's a fight on site buddy
17:22pardon i think you mean pardon
17:28don't do you like bread yeah that's the body of christ buddy do you like wine sure that's the blood of
17:37christ do you like singing um dude oh lord did you hear it it's the voice of an angel i think the
17:46choice is clear just do it what gaming gaming i love chel boys chel it is chel uh no no what about
17:58cheese cheese cheese yes cheese everyone knows cheese is the milk of christ you've hit the mother
18:15loaded cheesy yumminess when you pick christ the classic bread wine cheese and also cured and salted dried
18:22meats that's that's the flesh of christ huh see corinthians bread wine cheese
18:31meats christianity is a charcuterie board come have some charcuterie with christ jonesy
18:38good luck it's yummy blasphemy sacrilege what would you know
18:41hey buddy hey buddy katie send you for some sour candies again yeah buddy buddy you should just buy
18:54a bunch of packs of sour candies you put all the packs of sour candies in a jar at katie's then you
19:01have to keep coming to town to get sour candies she'll have all the sour candy she wants right there
19:06did you know that you're the smartest person that i've ever met back off riley jonesy's coming with
19:15me no he is not he's coming with us i need a crew buddy jonesy want some charcuterie with christ
19:25you must be hungry you want a snacky christ gives you snackies come here jonesy you want a little snacky
19:30come here
19:42come here
19:44Chow!
19:53Chow!
19:56Chow!
19:58Come here, Jonesy!
20:03Fuck golf!
20:05Fucking embarrassing!
20:07Would you stop talking so I can enjoy this peaceful game?
20:11How fucking peaceful can it be
20:13hacking it up all day bud you fucking suck you're terrible i'm not sure time heals that wound must
20:19be nice to have time to hack it up all day must be nice when i was coming up we'd be luckiest to
20:24have any times to relax now you got enough time to relax and hacks it up must be fucking nice
20:30whenever anybody has a problem these days it's straight to hacking it up and make yourself look
20:34like a fucking fool on the links you gotta leave this world behind look the geese gooses they're
20:42just pheasants with better marketing you have a problem with canada gooses you got a problem with
20:48me and i suggest you let that one marinate if you play the beatles white album backwards you know
20:54what you hear canada gooses same thing from michael jackson's thriller and everything shania twain's
21:01ever recorded the bear canada goose's feather has sent her eyes for crosby's golden goal in 2010.
21:08when columbus found north america and the native americans were in it you know who helped him find
21:12the way canada gooses and what did you hear right before jfk's got assassinated there fuzzy zellers
21:19a canada goose is trying towards them you ever notice how there's always canada gooses flying overhead
21:24when there's a fire they're flapping water on it no one calls them heroes they're not in it for the glory
21:31they're in it for the people for the relationships i've noticed walking down the path of my life usually in
21:37the deepest and darkest and saddest times that there's always one set of footprints in the sand
21:42and they're webbed and if my wife were here instead of getting this cocksucking gin and tonic
21:46she'd say there's a special place in heaven for animal lovers
21:49it's fucking embarrassing bring it bring it bring it bring it come on come on
22:05see anyone uptown yeah uh roald stewart glenn you know jonesy i got a whole bag of sour candies for
22:30you so you can put them in a big jar and put on the counters just just for you katie cat
22:36oh no i wanted the sour jelly beans
22:40okay but i just drove all the way to town and back so uh well maybe jonesy can pick them up
22:47or is jonesy gone jonesy gone jonesy gone no no no i'll go i'll i'll go get i'll go get
23:17the world
23:27the world may seem cruel
23:42So if I start taking shits on your
24:12golf course, you're going to start killing my babies?
24:14Because it's the exact same thing with Canada Gooses.
24:17It's the exact same thing.
24:18Oh, that's fucking embarrassing!
24:21And how do you think Evel Knievel's made all them daredevil jumps there,
24:25shitty John Daly's?
24:27Canada Gooses, letting them into their jet streams.
24:29That's hows.
24:30That is not true.
24:31The same thing goes for Evel Knievel Jr. and Travis Pastrana.
24:35They owe everything they have to Canada Gooses.
24:37That's not true!
24:39And most people don't know all this,
24:40but Canada Gooses were the deciding factor
24:43in the 1995 Quebec referendum.
24:46They kept this country together.
24:48You got a problem with animal lovers,
24:50you got a problem with me,
24:51and I suggest you let that one marinate.
24:54Fine!
24:55Fine!
24:58The geese...
24:59Gooses!
25:00Mmm!
25:01I will call off the oiling of the goose eggs, all right?
25:04If you will leave this golf course, all right?
25:07And let the members of the Letterkenny,
25:09Great Great,
25:11Cat Pit Creek,
25:12Whistle Ridge Golf,
25:14and goddamn country club
25:17play this game in peace!
25:20Do we have your word?
25:26You have my word.
25:28Then come look me in the eye
25:29and shake my fucking hand.
25:33Hop to it!
25:35Get moving, Tiger Stripes Woods.
25:37Horizontal stripes are never flattering.
25:40Thank fucking Christ,
25:45am I happy to leave this fucking goose factory?
25:48Holy shit,
25:49will you hack it up?
25:50Unreal.
25:51Get some ankle socks,
25:52you dickhead.
25:54Come on, come on, come on!
25:55To bleed those demons,
25:56those Canada Gooses,
25:57and the Doe 3,
25:58yeah, we got a fucking hack!
25:59It's a fucking grass around here
26:02on a price range of fucking life!
26:03Go for an auto pole!
26:05You know,
26:08it's hard not to have Canada Gooses' backs
26:12when they're so close to us as humans.
26:14Male Canada Gooses
26:16help female Canada Gooses.
26:19You're fucking hammered, eh?
26:22This is pretty hard to believe
26:23the Canada Gooses
26:24are still labeled a pest species
26:27in most rural areas.
26:28Well,
26:29the shoe fits where it.
26:31If the truth hurts, Barrett, bud,
26:33I'll always root for the underdog.
26:36The Canada Goose
26:38looks pretty cute
26:39in the hatch, though, right?
26:40Well, no arguments there,
26:42good buddy.
26:42Fucking A.
26:44You ever seen how
26:44Canada Gooses' stray feathers
26:46float on water?
26:47They're not even like
26:48other birds' feathers
26:50that get all waterlogged and shit.
26:52No,
26:53they're aerodynamic.
26:55Aqua dynamic.
26:57It's almost like ants
26:59could use their feathers
27:00to race them as kayaks
27:01or some shit.
27:02Can't raise them on kayaks, baby.
27:07Oh, of course they can't
27:09just can't raise them on kayaks,
27:11honey.
27:12Oh.
27:13But maybe they could.
27:14There's not much of a future
27:38getting old.
27:42When you hide the hearts
27:44and just make them out.
27:49At least that's what they say
27:51and it's what I'm told.
27:54I'm gonna take your black heart
27:58and pay to go.
28:03The start was the end
28:05and we're back to the beginning.
28:06This one day is a long way away
28:09when you're spinning
28:10in the minute half.
28:11I see how I had it
28:12until you left.
28:13To break you all away
28:15but you never could have planned.
28:17It's the easy way out
28:18and the hard way.
28:20Forgive who forgets
28:22forget who's forgiven
28:23only on my hand
28:25and when we step forward.
28:27To break you all away
28:29and you never could have planned.
28:30To break you all away
28:31and you never could have planned.
28:32To break you all away
28:33and you never could have planned.
28:34To break you all away
28:35and you never could have planned.
28:36To break you all away
28:37and you never could have planned.
28:38To break you all away
28:39and you never could have planned.
28:40To break you all away
28:41and you never could have planned.
28:42To break you all away
28:43and you never could have planned.
28:45To break you all away
28:46and you never could have planned.
28:47To break you all away
28:48and you never could have planned.
28:49To break you all away
28:50and you never could have planned.