Newsman Hughes Cocksworth covers various Bacteria and Winos in the New York City Subway.
Stay Groovy!
Stay Groovy!
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00:00In old Manhattan, yes sir, New York City, the Big Apple, the police are waking up the winos and the derelicts in a nicer way, you know, because if you get woke up and people say, like, wake up, you damn wino, you think of yourself as a wino.
00:12So a psychologist in the mayor's office decided that they would wake up very sleeping winos and bums with interesting historical facts and things like that, like they tap the wino on the shoulder and they go, did you know Thomas Edison actually didn't invent the light bulb? It was some guy in Germany.
00:29They say, no, I didn't know that. And they get the wino interested in life. You know, you don't just wake up and say, wake up, you stupid wino, crackhead, methhead, dumbass.
00:38You tuck the guy on the shoulder and say, did you know that Leonardo da Vinci invented the helium balloon long before helium was ever invented?
00:45It don't make sense to me neither, but it helps him feel better about it. Wouldn't you like to see the winos and the meth head feel better about themselves?
00:51At least if you're walking down the street, they go, well, I may be poor, but one day I'll invent something that's not been invented yet.
00:56Can you do that at home in your own kitchen? Not me. I got all kinds of stuff all over. I got butter and everything and I had it on the counter.
01:04And then my dog, his name is Kambi, he's a Korean dog, he jumps over there and I go, Kambi, no, Kambi, no.
01:09And Kambi ate a whole stick of butter. You don't want to give me a kiss, all kinds of buttered kisses and everything.
01:14I go, Kambi, it's not going to be good for you.
01:16And then all this butter sauce came out of the back and Kambi was terrible.
01:20It was awful. My guess thought it was delicious, though.
01:26No, I'm not evil. I just have a sick sense of humor. It's different. It's different than that.
01:30All right. All right. Go back in your jar.
01:33Hey, if you're a bacteria, go back in your jar. We have enough bacteria out here.
01:37We've got all kinds of bacteria. We've got friendly bacteria.
01:39Go, hi, I'm Herb from Schenectady. Please to meet you. That's a friendly bacteria.
01:44Then there's bad bacteria that says, I'm an apoptopti.
01:47There's all kinds of bacteria out there.
01:49And then they have neutral bacteria who says, well, I won't go vote for this guy or that guy.
01:54I don't know. All kinds of bacteria that goes in and out.
01:58And did you know that your guts have got over 80 zillion billion bacterias in there?
02:04You've got more than a population of China, Russia, and Kuwait living deep inside you.
02:10How does that make you feel?
02:11You're never alone because you're a colony right up your kazuki, right up there.
02:19If you don't believe me, ask your doctor, okay?
02:21Okay, please tell me to use a glove because that's gross.
02:24I hate when I go to the dentist and the proctologist at the same time and the glove tastes the same.
02:29Makes me really sick.
02:30I hope you're having a good day, though.
02:32Drink some bubble water, will you, Grandma?
02:34You'll feel better tomorrow.
02:36But what is left when I have a little excitement and a few jabs in the chest with an ice pick, huh?
02:41Have you ever thought about that?
02:42I hope it don't happen to you, baby.
02:44All right.
02:45Hey, you know, the other day they threw me out of the store.
02:47I got a big box of candy.
02:49You know how they say Forrest Gump is like a box of chocolates or something?
02:53So I took the candies and I was breaking open the back, you know, and they're looking at them, you know,
02:57and sniffing them and everything.
02:58And they said, you can't do that.
02:59I said, you're wrong.
03:00I'm doing it now.
03:01They said, no, no, no, man.
03:02So I'm breaking up the chocolates and looking inside just to see what they're made out of, you know?
03:08Don't make sense.
03:09You ever do that?
03:10Break them open like some party, like an Easter party, and you're a little kid breaking up the candy.
03:15Everybody gets made, oh, he's breaking the candy open.
03:18Do that when you're well over 60.
03:19And they get mad at you.
03:21This world ain't fair unless you're on welfare.
03:25Get it?
03:26You don't like that one, do you?
03:28What are you, one of them welfare big ladies with big fat ass?
03:31Oh, shit.
03:31Walmart, oh, god damn.
03:33I don't like that.
03:34I don't like that.
03:35I don't cut into that.
03:37No.
03:37I don't cut into that kind of cutting candy, baby.
03:40Yes, sir.
03:41Well, anyway, tight butts drive me nuts.
03:43This is who's gosh worth whirling his way deep into you to find out all your friendly bacteria
03:48and to clean himself with them.
03:50Gee, it smells like curry powder in here.
03:52Have a good day.
03:53Stay groovy.
03:53See you next time.
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