Gary Owen - Upgraded (12) - video Dailymotion

Fyah TV Comedy

Stand-up comedian, Gary Owen, performs in front of a sold-out crowd using his trademark of rants and observations bring laughter and entertainment. #comedy #standupcomedy #standup

Transcript

00:00:00hey fucking asshole until now when gary and kenya approached me to direct a show in san diego

00:00:23his life has changed since comic view kenya has become his manager as well as the mother of his

00:00:28baby he has a successful stand-up career and when i caught up with him he was in the middle of working

00:00:33on a television pilot so growing up in a trailer park gary did you have people that had teeth like

00:00:38that as neighbors yeah i mean this was calm this would be a good set really like oh damn man three

00:00:44can't you even brush he wanted to spend the week in san diego promoting the show i decided to tag

00:00:51along with my mini dv cam we met on the set of uh comic view beat he's comic view so what looks

00:00:57good on gary he likes being in black he likes being on black he likes having black on him

00:01:02i think he was talking about women actually but no but he's right black really looks good on gary

00:01:09he wears it very very well would he look a little feminine no i don't think so because we're gonna

00:01:15do a basic how's this fool gonna look feminine i don't think so i don't know but if he could

00:01:22be feminine i think it would be in this fabric you think so it is my way yeah i get hard pretty

00:01:28clear you can't be popping wood on the stage that's how you came into the world like things

00:01:35like this like really go really really well as kenya and perry were hammering out his wardrobe

00:01:40gary seemed oddly disinterested in the process she's the woman behind a man you know for real kenya is

00:01:47great she's uh she's raising three kids she's she's raising three kids and gary is the brattiest

00:01:55one is it hard to go away yeah it's harder than i thought i didn't think it'd be never really been

00:02:03one to miss people just stinks when he's this young because you know he might do something

00:02:07and then you miss it as i watched him say goodbye to austin i kept on thinking how incredible his

00:02:15relationship must have been with his father it wasn't as i learned later at three his parents

00:02:23divorce brought another man into gary's life rod we call him the functional bigot even though he has a

00:02:31mixed daughter who's my stepsister michelle the functional bigot like he could come around and

00:02:37hang out with black people all day long then you wouldn't know anything about it but deep down he's

00:02:42got some issues because he's like i don't know like growing up he's telling black people right in the head

00:02:48something's wrong with him yeah he's got a mixed daughter i'm still trying to figure that out

00:02:53if i do my show and i get to get into insidia a week ahead of time to promote

00:02:57we usually do okay san diego is a very very conservative market hit all the barbershops

00:03:05flea markets it takes a lot of work actually no i'm entrepreneur when i was in sixth grade

00:03:11i played on the sixth grade football team i would get there first thing in the morning and work the

00:03:16concession up until my game had the pads back there behind the hot dog and the hot dogs to make he

00:03:22make five dollars maybe make my five dollars and i go play the football game then i worked

00:03:27went and stayed with my grandpa for the summer and worked in his backyard they had a big backyard

00:03:32i worked in his backyard and i ripped off for like for two weeks got paid 20 miles

00:03:40then i worked at an amusement park i was really good at that i used to work the games get people to come

00:03:46play my games i mean i was gonna say this but i would like let people win if they gave me like ten

00:03:53dollars but i had to if i was in the big thing with the stuffed animals

00:04:00give me ten dollars i'll put it in there you know like this up on a little milk jug

00:04:05summer going into my senior year i was grounded the entire summer i couldn't get a job

00:04:11and i never asked my parents for a dime my whole life you'll see this week there'll be a few

00:04:17wheels we get some free tickets you know ain't offering me nothing i'll be like i'll be at a

00:04:23restaurant the waiter be like i guess free tickets are you gonna pay for my meal san diego uh usually

00:04:29costs me about 30 000. it's funny like san diego hey all the white people go to all the other

00:04:36beaches but south mission is a certain part of the beach where all the black people go that's where

00:04:43we're going his friends were already there waiting for us just here to help him daryl aj and joe good

00:04:49people you say hey niggas say west side and why are you gonna say double white i say black people

00:04:57i see black people yeah i thought the free ticket was gonna stay put on the back please give us a shout out

00:05:05your girl's making the show how you doing i'm feeling man i'm telling you the only reason why i pay my

00:05:12cable bill again do it again we gotta do this oh shit come out the park y'all i'm gonna keep paying my

00:05:19cable bill baby get out there and beat the street and your own best street team you know people see

00:05:24you passing out flyers they're like damn this guy is fucking for real we're trying to get on the flyer

00:05:30we're representing the park up in here west side everybody trying to plan to be up and out

00:05:34little west come up dirty dirty i don't think he's gonna make the show he won't be here on time

00:05:40black people go crazy guys that's what drew me down to the so-called black comedy i mean i saw them

00:05:47comedy jam and they were standing up and high-fiving i was like yo that's nothing nothing in the world

00:05:54like gripping a black crowd nothing welcome to fan mart ghetto shoppers

00:06:00that was what fan mart um it's for everybody go that really knows about gary that and watch

00:06:06comedy it's gonna give out free tickets i'm gonna get money right now you're trying to give me a baby

00:06:10for tickets yeah tickets i knew black folks liked them but no way was i ready for the man love and attention

00:06:19he was getting camping that's what he's doing it's called parking lot camping don't say that i think

00:06:23he is so hilarious did you know that for a white guy and he's fine too do we got a woman let me know

00:06:29do you know she's a beautiful black woman she's a beautiful black woman where you go where is

00:06:34we go to that match it's the neighborhood hangout wherever everybody go man the gang members but

00:06:39they cool we read this i can't wait can you help me read you're gonna go see it man i smell a lot of weed right

00:06:45here right behind you imagine that gotta go you feel like a made man now no i don't think she meant

00:06:57it that way because she put beads on so am i a gay crip yeah it was just nice you know the lowriders go

00:07:05there and hang out you know every sunday you're starting to come back again so you know when you

00:07:08want to meet the people and it's where we go meet people at man just to have fun they support the comedy

00:07:13you know those guys they're hardheads they crips but they come to the shows you know they enjoy it

00:07:18you know you want them on your side not against you a little nervous

00:07:23hey this is where it's at sdc baby you know you know paul and you know this is my homie

00:07:28cousin i put it down and there you go

00:07:34he's gotta make this thing called waffle burger real that's right

00:07:38hold on somebody want to holler at you bro tell her who he is bro she loves you too

00:07:43my sister she loves you all right

00:07:47her name is miss fish but peace though in southeast because we 30 in the better

00:07:51gary owens and he ain't going to house

00:07:55just lying on camera you can't with his face though but you can get his name

00:07:58no don't hit the oh no just get bottom down

00:08:05baby like white trailer

00:08:12what's a good sign here no flyers on the concrete

00:08:16i'm like an outsider looking in i'm not black i don't even try to act like i'm black

00:08:19it's just nice knowing i come from a whole different world culture all that just know

00:08:29that we can just they get it they know what i'm telling you i think we're honest that's all

00:08:34they want you to be as honest i'm from the streets since i'm white

00:08:38it's not from the trailer park yeah gary owen is coming to speckles theater saturday april 4th

00:08:43day tipping line the unranking the park trailer park that is as we headed for a hotel i wondered

00:08:50why he never finished telling me about being grounded so i brought it up i had no idea it would hit our

00:08:56nerve i skipped school one day i got grounded for two and a half months tomorrow for one day one day

00:09:04of skipping and i went to the mall and hung out i'm only doing drugs and drinking went to the mall

00:09:08hung out got no trouble came home said you're grounded never told me how long so every day

00:09:18last month of school i would come home just go to my room thinking maybe one day i'll tell me when i'm done

00:09:23whole month of june went by i just stayed in my room i didn't do nothing get up in the morning

00:09:31i knew all day just sitting in my room no tv no radio just

00:09:39not doing nothing then july came

00:09:44all july is going through last week in july let me out

00:09:49and we have football starting august first so

00:09:51wow did you go stir crazy

00:09:59i just knew i was going to be something that's what kept me going i said i'm going to prove you

00:10:03son of a bitch wrong because sometimes i feel like he was trying to make me go crazy or something

00:10:09trying to make me stupid just i couldn't figure out the crime should fit the punishment

00:10:16said i got punishment skipping school yeah but should i be locked in my room for two and a half months

00:10:23he wasn't kidding about his work habits after we cleaned up he was ready to get out there and

00:10:27hand out more flyers it's almost midnight we're going to a place called the blue agave which i think is

00:10:34going to be extremely ghetto this spot used to be blue tattoo but someone got shot and killed there two

00:10:40weeks ago so they shut it down that was ghetto but they they gave me love though so go get them

00:10:50you never stay till it closes never no you leave hour before it closes safe

00:10:58we didn't make it two separate fights broke out in front of the club we couldn't leave

00:11:04by the time the dust settled it was 2 a.m the damn morning came way too fast our first stop a news

00:11:12station this is where we try to bring in all the white people don't know who i am i got five minutes

00:11:18to make them laugh if i don't they ain't coming if i do i come on the way gary told me if kenya

00:11:26ripped into him last night for staying out so late yes i was not happy i want him fresh i didn't want

00:11:32swollen eyes i wanted him to look good i wanted people to see him and be like god he looks good

00:11:38and he's funny and and to to want to come out like that

00:11:46yeah gary owen all right come on in i'm adrian nice to meet you you guys have some time we're probably

00:11:52not going to hit until about 8 15. so like eight o'clock we'll do a tease

00:12:02jennifer actually thought that he was african-american oh we want to introduce you to a very

00:12:07funny guy you can see his hands in the picture right now right there yeah those were his gary

00:12:12one comedian down well last time he was here it was because he was voted best black comedian by the

00:12:19now you're back you're at the spreckels they got live television special and it's called breaking

00:12:24out the park that stands for trailer park that's where i came from we don't call them trailer parks

00:12:29anymore we got mobile communities mobile they don't go anywhere thanks for coming by yeah i really

00:12:35appreciate you having me check them out gary owen at spreckels on the 14th all right how'd it go find out

00:12:41no tickets are sold and uh it's horrible we're done

00:12:47it wasn't good all righty i'm glad we made up you made up uh the interview went fine so yeah i was

00:12:54quite happy it was all over now had the interview not gone well we i'll probably still be mad she holds

00:13:02on to grudges a long time i don't like and let it go but she knows it so that's good i'm sure you heard

00:13:09it said that comedy is born out of adversity and pain the comment that gary had made yesterday

00:13:14about proving something to his stepdad came out with such anger i was intrigued and now in the

00:13:20mission to hear more about his relationship with the man yeah the first time i realized i was in for

00:13:25a long childhood was when i was seven and uh it was my first day of school in a new school district

00:13:31but my bus never came to pick me up so i was like dang so i went in the house desk rod i said they gave me

00:13:37the wrong um bus number i think so i don't know how to get to school so he goes we just walk down

00:13:43the end of the street when you get the red light make a right and then walk down to you see kingquick

00:13:48and your school is right across the street from kingquick and i was like okay and i'm seven so i

00:13:53don't really know my right from left that well so i walked in the driveway and i was like i don't

00:13:58really know right from left so i went back inside and i didn't want to tell roger to know right from left

00:14:03so i just went outside and said do you think you could take me to school and he jumped my

00:14:08shit god damn him get off the house and walk your ass to school i was like he didn't have no job he

00:14:14wasn't doing nothing i was like so i went down walked to the intersection where the red light was

00:14:21sat there for like five minutes figure out if i make a right or left supposed to make a right

00:14:25minute left i walked for like six seven miles and um finally i saw kingquick i was like there it is

00:14:34i was in another school district a whole other school district and i was like thanks these guys

00:14:40from my bank saw me standing i got a little backpack on seven year old kid with a bus pass and the name

00:14:45tag on and they came out the back said come here i said no i talked to strangers and i'm talking to

00:14:51we're having a full conversation from across the street and one went inside and he called the cops

00:14:55what happened was the cop came and they probably thought i was a runaway or something but the cop

00:14:59came and told me it's okay and he stopped traffic and walked across the street and the cop walks me

00:15:04to the bank and everybody at the bank is real nice what's your name where are you from and they

00:15:08stopped my bus but they're like jeez oh i remember them saying i was in north i'm supposed to be going

00:15:12to a northwest school district i'm in fairfield school district they're like what do you what do you

00:15:16live like oh i didn't really know my address up there it's like gee i can see it on their faces i'll never

00:15:22forget seven their faces like you walked all the way here you know i was like yeah because by now

00:15:29if school started 8 30 it's like one o'clock like i've been walking like four and a half hours trying

00:15:36to figure out where school is and then just because he yelled at me i didn't want to go back to him

00:15:41so i was determined to find a school so what happened was the cop end up saying um it's okay if

00:15:47if these guys take you to your school no lunch that day i got to school right before the last

00:15:52recess and then when i got home that day ron didn't say nothing then i remember my mom walking

00:15:57in crying and stuff how can you let him go to school i got a call from the cops they think i'm a bad mother

00:16:02this and that and i don't know she stayed with him though so what are you gonna do on the way to hand

00:16:09out flyers we noticed that gary's name was not on the marquee at the theater they need to change the marquee

00:16:13though well i do understand you have another show in the meantime his name needs to be up on the

00:16:22marquee the marquee however wasn't gary's only problem the radio stations are not promoting his

00:16:28show nothing nothing 92 and a half i hear it but i know i don't hear it all on the z90 so he's he

00:16:35he's really upset about that calling in our actual times don't worry about it he has other things to be

00:16:41worried about he's very passionate so yeah he does worry and although i told him not to he'll still

00:16:49call me probably about a half an hour and say well what happened i just had frustrated when they run

00:16:55down every concert but ours i'll take care of that part of it so only thing you need to be worrying about

00:17:00is going to all the places you can go that your audience hangs out at his mood sucks but i got to give

00:17:09him credit for getting out really funny and i'm off saturday uh how are you doing oh hey how are you

00:17:20you should come stand in front of our building actually you know what i've seen this guy before

00:17:25i know who you are he's funny it's good to meet you between you and of course gary yeah

00:17:31good to meet you yes sir he's funny it's just a big difference like if they get a flyer from the

00:17:37street team versus me they probably just toss it aside is it working well it's going to make me go

00:17:43because see i don't know san diego i'm a um i'm gonna come out with support man people seem to exude

00:17:49excitement around him in turn it feeds him helping him to find his groove as the day goes on it's an

00:17:55interesting process are you going to come to the show i won't be able to

00:18:06san diego's hit music channel 933 aj's playhouse 37 minutes after seven o'clock you made it to your

00:18:10tuesday already it's a wet one so get up early and get your butt out the house you remember him

00:18:15as the white guy from bet comic view the double y guy double y from the trail park you were in a

00:18:20jamie fox movie as well what's up with that i never saw it called held up i was a redneck

00:18:24you shot jamie originally from what cincinnati cincinnati and moved down i was in the service

00:18:28the navy brought me out here gary owen filming his special freckle this week it's freckles he said

00:18:32freckles i said freckles i had a bunch of redheads in front of my hair hey where's freckles hey what's up

00:18:39what's up um just had to say hello because we love you down here it's gonna be a good show i am sold i

00:18:45am there we're gonna go check it out and thank you for coming in this morning thanks for having me on 93.3

00:18:50playhouse best morning show on the air in san diego and uh anything else i can suck up until you go on

00:18:56another one next later this week gary decided to check on the ticket sales hey what's up hey what's

00:19:03happening have a good day man starting to pick up here's where i learned about his superstition

00:19:09regarding sharing that information with me or anybody else for that matter

00:19:13i was happy to oblige okay they put us on the side that's fine

00:19:27summer going into my senior high school it became apparently obvious to me i wasn't going to get an

00:19:33athletic scholarship so i went and talked navy recruiter then i called the army recruiter basically

00:19:38the navy guy didn't bs me he just told me what's gonna happen he told me what's gonna happen to boot camp

00:19:43because that's your media get through boot camp and he told me what i can expect you know an army

00:19:49guy just was all good it was nothing bad oh it's just fun it's an adventure you're gonna love it and

00:19:55i knew the army guys full of crap when he goes so you wrestle you know we have a wrestling team you

00:19:59can probably try out for i was like i'm horrible i'm like three and thirty man have you seen me he's a

00:20:04great comedian i like the trailer park joke because my mama lives in the trailer my mom will see this

00:20:11tape too maybe girls are healthy shots and uh physicals they said when do i want to leave i said

00:20:20as soon as i can get out of here so i graduated high school june i was out of there in july and i was

00:20:25out and never missed home never homesick nothing even when i came home when i came home from boot camp

00:20:30i didn't go home first i stopped by my cousin's soccer game i went to my buddy's house to see his

00:20:35parents he wasn't even home i went to stop by his house hanging out calling home hey i'll be home

00:20:40about now like what now i remember my rod getting on my head hey you're gonna you're the only person

00:20:45i ever met that came home from boot camp didn't come straight home i'm thinking well why the

00:20:48would i want to come back home man we were invited to come onto gary's old base where among other duties

00:20:55gary served as an mp i made two arrests one was a dui and the guy pulled right in front of gator gardens

00:21:04and pulled on the sidewalk and came back down boom boom right in front of the club like everybody

00:21:10so i pulled him over and i was still gonna let him just hold on for a minute let everybody leave you

00:21:15you know i'm forgot why did you pull me over oh you pulled me over because i was black i said

00:21:21i was like dude your windows were tinted

00:21:25now where the fuck you were yo

00:21:27fuck that man why the fuck you pulled me over i was like this okay all right

00:21:35and the only other one i had only other rest and it wasn't really my arrest i was actually working

00:21:40the gate that night and i see this dead old black guy about six four six five running that you know

00:21:46how you pull on coronado debate running full speed i thought he was trying to tackle me i was just

00:21:53ross on from like a mile back he's coming man where's he coming from and he's yelling and it's like

00:21:59three in the morning and all of a sudden he comes up to me like this i swore to god he had a shirt in his

00:22:04hand he goes i just got raped i just got raped i'm like why the fuck did you run to me man you know

00:22:14because i knew i just think in my head i was just like paperwork paperwork i come to find out he was

00:22:19an officer he's a lieutenant and he wasn't stationed here but his lover was here at nab coronado's lover

00:22:27was lieutenant they was in the academy together and they've been lovers since the naval academy

00:22:31and the guy wanted to break up and it was a little white guy and the white guy just came clean

00:22:37damn and broke up and what he did the black guy called the white guy and said let's just have

00:22:42one more go around whatever i just want to see you one more time then that's it and what he was

00:22:45trying to do was set him up because he was mad because he was dumping them so right in the middle

00:22:49of sex the black guy i guess scratched himself or something grabbed the guy's shirt so we went

00:22:54the guy's room they had like condoms on the floor like i know what these condoms were in

00:23:14that's another funny thing like my stepdad he would and i'm going to talk about him a lot but he would

00:23:19like when i was growing up like i didn't want to i wouldn't want to go outside and play with the kids

00:23:23in the trailer park a lot of them were like into some weird stuff you know so he always wanted me

00:23:30to go outside cause my place nice day and i was like i don't want to go out with these kids

00:23:34you know you surround me with drug addicts and prostitutes and ah just disgusting unemployed

00:23:42alcoholics i don't want to go and hang out with them people huh you can have it

00:23:52why and when did you guys move to the trailer park because you never lived in a trailer park before

00:23:57we moved to the trailer park i'm not sure the exact reason but from what i remember it was

00:24:04rod had this good money-making plan that he was going to get the trailer he's going to move it down to

00:24:09florida and live there and work live out the trailer until we got a house we bought the trailer and we

00:24:16never left ohio mom you're still working in the factory still supporting the whole family he's going

00:24:22to job after job you know i was like so you know what are you gonna do i don't know we just stuck there

00:24:31that's a bad investment it sucks it's a guy who desperately wants to see you he knows your every

00:24:39move he knows your every joke it's a guy i think he'd be your biggest fan he's got a little trouble with

00:24:46your name though yeah as you will see on the facts who wants to take a seat georgie owen

00:24:50we've been giving away tickets to the show gary owens thank you hey this is gary owens you're

00:24:58listening to greg delana and chris on magic 92.5 the whitest morning show in the san diego area

00:25:07it's a live taping so if you have any stalkers or exes this wouldn't be a show to go to

00:25:13you're telling us you're touring with the navy you're performing for our boys overseas

00:25:16all the troops overseas yeah i've been over there i've been uh the middle east place called dubois

00:25:22united emirates that's got a bad rap because they there's some cool people only thing about it

00:25:26if you like single you can't pick up any women over there they all got the uh all the faces and

00:25:32everything covered only thing you see is their eyes that's the only way you got to come on to a girl

00:25:36damn you got nice looking retina baby you got to have 2020 with retinas like that girl jeez

00:25:423 30. you know what i would really prefer to have like either a morning drive i don't mind having

00:25:48afternoon but 3 30 i don't think is really going to do much for me if we could be like 4 30 to 5 or

00:25:535 30 or you know 5 to 5 30. what about morning drive i've never asked you anything for free

00:26:02nothing you're gonna ask me for free today for free here okay i am afternoons are fine but 3 30 is just

00:26:12i don't think that's really going to do much for him okay well then this is what i'm going to do

00:26:18i'm going to stop payment on a check because i don't want radio time i don't want to buy

00:26:23radio time if i can't get it in studio i have never had anyone put try to put him on a 3 30 spot

00:26:30this is what i do before i show

00:26:34i like to get my stuff relaxed i'm half cherokee but

00:26:37i'm not threatening you what i'm saying is that i'm trying to have a successful show

00:26:45and when you say can we put some hairspray in your hair girl

00:26:49why not girl you gotta look good okay so she's not happy afternoon drive is fine but it needs to

00:26:58be like when people are in their cars not at 3 30. so her options are this either give me a better

00:27:04time or we can just pull the ads and either either way i'm okay double eye productions yeah

00:27:10you can get hooked up and up at the same place yeah and i'm very happy with that and i do appreciate

00:27:18it we're looking at 4 30. thank you bye bye money talks

00:27:22bullshit walks all week gary had been talking about going to a strip club and stripping

00:27:30but i don't think he will go through with it

00:27:34i'm a sex symbol amongst black women i don't know why but i am a sexy

00:27:39to black women white women ain't feeling me

00:27:46i guess i underestimated his desire to sell at the concert

00:27:52go

00:28:04go

00:28:12go

00:28:14go

00:28:16go

00:28:18How much money did you make?

00:28:46About $20.

00:28:48I'm going to be in the next fade to black calendar.

00:28:53He probably made more money than his other three nights.

00:28:56I'm going to put more money up on the stage.

00:28:59I got skill, I can tell jokes, I can strip.

00:29:09Being with the girl I'm with now Kenya, it's not like she's the first black woman, that's

00:29:14all I've ever dated is black women and I never, I can say this in the honesty, never seen

00:29:22no racist acts or flat out just hate.

00:29:27Right now Gary Owen is in the studio.

00:29:34What up Gary, how you doing?

00:29:35Thanks Billy, Billy Blast.

00:29:36Welcome back to San Diego.

00:29:38What's been happening out there in the world just makes you laugh?

00:29:40Ryan Leaf.

00:29:41Your boy Ryan Leaf.

00:29:42Good riddance, good luck Tampa.

00:29:45I'm telling you got a quarterback that can move between Stan Humphries and Ryan Leaf.

00:29:50Yo, you got a turtle.

00:29:52I see you pulled out something from your pocket there.

00:29:55Yeah, we'll get his way on the next break.

00:29:57I'm going to give away two tickets.

00:29:59And these are good seats too.

00:30:00Maybe I should keep these.

00:30:03These are better seats than my momma's got.

00:30:05Let's say the first person shows up with their underwear on the outside of the clothes.

00:30:08Right.

00:30:09So if it's a guy, you got to have no shirt on and your boxes or your briefs or whatever

00:30:13you're wearing on the outside of your pants.

00:30:14Right.

00:30:15Don't be coming up saying, I don't wear drawers.

00:30:16No, no, don't do that.

00:30:17We said no shirt.

00:30:18Oh, you got to be wearing a shirt.

00:30:19Oh, no shirt, buddy.

00:30:20Well, nice to meet you.

00:30:21Nice to meet you.

00:30:22Nice to meet you.

00:30:23What's your name?

00:30:24Mike.

00:30:25Mike.

00:30:26Mike's a big winner.

00:30:27Congratulations, Mike.

00:30:28Just came out with his drawers.

00:30:29Where are you coming from, Mike?

00:30:30I'm coming from San Diego.

00:30:31Were you at work just now or just a little split?

00:30:32Yeah, I just got out of work.

00:30:33I was listening on the radio.

00:30:34I was like, what the hell?

00:30:35I'm down the street.

00:30:36I'm going to come.

00:30:37Where are your other drawers in?

00:30:38You got other drawers on?

00:30:39No, I ain't got to do it.

00:30:40You split through the freeway?

00:30:41Yeah.

00:30:42Took them off on the freeway and changed?

00:30:43No, I stopped at J Street Park.

00:30:44Flip them over and you can see the skin mark.

00:30:45You know these guys right here?

00:30:46No, I don't know.

00:30:47He's a big winner.

00:30:48He's a big winner.

00:30:49Congratulations, Mike.

00:30:50He's a big winner.

00:30:51You're a cracker meal.

00:30:52I thought you were a brother.

00:30:53My man.

00:30:54He's a man.

00:30:55He's a Billy Blass's fan.

00:30:56He's come and see Billy.

00:30:57He's going to see me today.

00:30:58Thanks, man.

00:30:59How long?

00:31:00We'll just be dressed.

00:31:01On camera, tell me that it's okay for me to use your likeness and voice for this film.

00:31:18for this film yeah it's okay for you to use whatever you would like there are only 48 hours

00:31:28left before the show we are on our way to el torrito a special place in gary's heart i went

00:31:33up here at el torrito's in september of 96 about five years ago you know this a little young

00:31:44comedian came in white guy and this is probably like a more of an urban crowd here you know more

00:31:48blacks and everything gary owens came up here and he said uh i want five minutes you know and i say

00:31:52five minutes for what he said a little stand up i tell him you know yeah i did a couple shows i told

00:31:57him i was on martin once i lied and he told me what the material was about and it was horrible

00:32:02materials and i said man i said you sure you want to talk about oj i had some garbage jokes

00:32:07and talking about oj and michael jackson and janet jackson just horrible shit yo and he got up there

00:32:15after i talked about oj man reception he got it wasn't warm man but

00:32:19they laughed so i was like cool i can do this and next thing you know you see the man on tv

00:32:26doing movies and the first white guy to be on bett as the host man can you believe that

00:32:32i'm not really surprised i'm kind of proud of him too man came from san diego

00:32:35mr double wide himself y'all gary owens i was like oh man it's kind of neat every time i go back

00:32:41i can't leave i went up here like i would never do it now but back then i just wanted to perform

00:32:45it didn't matter where i was because a microphone and speakers is like crack to a comedian

00:32:51he bar hopped all night long tirelessly handing out flyers early in the night joe got pulled over

00:32:57by military yes sir on the navy no sir no sir no what i'm for this way if i was like that i would

00:33:04have got a fucking ticket i never get pulled over black guys fighting over why they got pulled

00:33:10over you never see white guys arguing over this shit it happens so infrequently with us

00:33:15i can't wait to go to bed at night and i can sleep in because i have been going since friday

00:33:21on about four hours sleep but we'll see if it pays off the best feeling is when you're doing a joke

00:33:30what's it feel like can you describe like you just ripped the crowd was standing screaming

00:33:36and stuff walking off the stage what's like what's running through your mind it's weird man

00:33:41but when you rip rip where they're standing up and they fucking like whoo holding their guts

00:33:46you want to run off stage and do a back flip and all that you gotta be cool it's kind of weird

00:33:51you gotta be like i'm cool i'm used to this shit you know i mean i don't know there's no better

00:33:57feeling man i can't even put in the words it must be like scoring a touchdown or hitting

00:34:02a game winning shot you know that's what it feels like i can't even explain it man i can't

00:34:11even put in the words can't even put in the words it's unbelievable and my stepdad motivated

00:34:17me and then you keep coming back to him but i said it's weird it's like even as a kid like

00:34:2611 12 was no doubt i was gonna be a comedian somehow i was gonna get to it and you know

00:34:31you can't ever say i want to be a comedian at home you know like you're retarded but i remember

00:34:36he got real drunk and he asked me what i wanted to be what we gonna do man i said i'm gonna be a

00:34:41teacher he goes yeah he's kind of made fun of me go ahead and be a teacher he had some money

00:34:45plan he was gonna make he didn't make no money ever and he kind of you know kind of put me down

00:34:50it's been a long week i am exhausted trying to keep up with gary the man must be a vampire

00:34:57he never sleeps i wonder what drives him what gives him the energy is it the joy of ripping a

00:35:04crowd or does it stem from some emotional scarring kenya arrived this morning see if he still

00:35:13remembers me there was a strange tension between them this show has not sold out as of this morning

00:35:231213 tickets sold his affection towards austin and kenya's other son emilio

00:35:31is even more amazing considering what i learned about his own childhood

00:35:35kenya's like a little upset with me because when we showed up uh at the hotel i didn't like

00:35:42immediately hug and kiss her i waited till i got the hotel i think he did a what's up to me or

00:35:46something like that so yes i was really very pissed off about that i'm not big on pda public

00:35:52displays perfection he is not a very affectionate person in public anyways i think it's just because

00:35:59i'm so dysfunctional when it comes to like hugging somebody you care about because i never got it

00:36:06you know never got touched never got kissed and i love you was never said in my house just

00:36:12so dysfunctional in that manner i'm still not comfortable with it so she gets mad because she

00:36:18was raised that way i'm just tired do you know what i mean like a little hello i do know you

00:36:24think that gary owens is a star and enjoys fine dining here he is at 11 o'clock at night

00:36:38having his fries and ketchup sitting in his car

00:36:41it's still dark out today gary gets to sleep in

00:36:507 a.m bob the owner of the main set piece the trailer is not here

00:36:56it's listening to music getting ready for it

00:36:59we are trying to break out the freaking trailer park it's kind of hard without a trailer

00:37:03you can't do anything until the trailer gets hurt

00:37:07so

00:37:08crummy trailer was exactly what we needed it just looks a little bigger than i was

00:37:20imagining

00:37:21oh the trailer is here thank god but the only thing that's scary is his music just needs

00:37:31to be very loud and very crisp do you know what i mean

00:37:35do we want to flatten it out or leave it still at an angle

00:37:38i don't know this is it this is he's just going to drive around all day long until we're done with the show so he can move back into his place

00:37:45usually takes about three days to set up a show like this we're trying to do it in one day

00:37:52we're trying to do it in one day

00:37:59but it looks like a trailer park the sky drop is better than i imagined

00:38:06so visually i'm very very happy

00:38:13so visually i'm very very happy

00:38:17we decide as audience make an open and receptive to all the things that we have to say to the father

00:38:24we all these blessings we ask for christ's sake amen

00:38:27all right yeah

00:38:28all about god and shit

00:38:29god is great

00:38:30that motherfucker can say a prayer

00:38:34this is a culmination of an amazing week as i'm watching gary pace inside of the trailer i realize that deep down inside he still is that seven-year-old kid

00:38:41we have to save the father we all these blessings we ask for christ's sake amen all right yeah all

00:38:46about god and shit god that motherfucker can say a prayer this is a culmination of an amazing week

00:38:55as i'm watching gary pace inside of the trailer i realize that deep down inside he still is that

00:39:00seven-year-old kid whose stepfather's parenting skills lie somewhere between abusive and clueless

00:39:0620 years later gary deals with life and his career the same way that seven-year-old did

00:39:11when he tried to get to school at any cost except this time he surrounded himself with friends and

00:39:16loved ones and is armed with a clear sense of direction and at every turn he gains friends

00:39:21the way he did in that bank so many miles away from home and i have become one of them

00:39:41so

00:39:51Cut that off, DJ.

00:40:06Woo, what's up, San Diego, California.

00:40:11This is my shit.

00:40:14I'm here, brought my house with me.

00:40:16I brought my car, brought my Dodge Dart.

00:40:21Some of you may know me, some of you may not.

00:40:24I used to host a television show on BET, that's black entertainment television.

00:40:28I ain't black.

00:40:30I ain't black.

00:40:31I ain't black, that's obvious to some, but you'd be amazed at the questions I get, you know?

00:40:36You just light-skinned? You light-skinned? You have Cherokee? You got Cherokee in you?

00:40:39You got Cherokee?

00:40:40No.

00:40:42People assume, you know, you go on BET, you must have been raised around all black people.

00:40:46Nope.

00:40:46I was born and raised in a trailer park, right here, right here.

00:40:50No, I ain't nothing to clap about.

00:40:52I ain't nothing to clap about.

00:40:53I ain't nothing to clap about.

00:40:55Don't think I'm making a little money now, I'm going to start getting back to my community.

00:40:59No.

00:41:01There ain't going to be no trailer park playgrounds in my name, no trailer park scholarships.

00:41:06I had some friends of mine coming up from the trailer park when they saw me on TV for the first time.

00:41:10They come up, some of them were pissed, they went on a black network.

00:41:12They go, Gary, what the fuck are you doing, man?

00:41:24I ain't fooling rushing, son of a bitch.

00:41:26I asked some of my friends of the trailer park, I was happy to see someone on TV, they called me up.

00:41:31Gary!

00:41:33Holy shit, man, you're doing it, ain't you, boy.

00:41:37Gary, I turn on TV, right?

00:41:39I'm flipping, I'm flipping, I'm flipping.

00:41:40I turn on the black channel and tell your asses, boy.

00:41:43Woo!

00:41:47Gary, I have known you your whole life, right?

00:41:49And I didn't even know you were black, man, holy shit!

00:41:54Thanks to the family, you got a family even trying to get out the trailer park.

00:41:57My dad was like content living there, head of the neighborhood watch.

00:42:00I was like, I gotta get out, man.

00:42:02I said, how can I get out?

00:42:02So I went and joined the service, you know, because I grew up in a two-bedroom trailer with eight brothers and sisters.

00:42:07You know, yeah, that was bullshit.

00:42:09So I went and joined the service, I said, I said, oh, I can get out there.

00:42:12Went and joined the service.

00:42:13And you know, first day, when you join the service, your first day to boot camp is the worst day.

00:42:16You always hear about it, somebody throwing garbage cans and blowhorns and all this shit.

00:42:20My first day at boot camp was great.

00:42:22Two-bedroom trailer, eight brothers and sisters.

00:42:24My first night at boot camp was the first night I sucked by myself in like 10 years.

00:42:28I had all these other guys crying and shit.

00:42:30I'm in this home, I'm in this home.

00:42:31I go, shut up, this shit is spacious, yo.

00:42:34Damn, this whole bed's mine.

00:42:35I'm about to roll over, I'm about to roll over.

00:42:39I'm hanging my leg off this shit, yo.

00:42:42Uncle Sam even got to pay me, yo, he ain't got to pay me.

00:42:46Margin' all happy and shit.

00:42:54That shit is back, yo.

00:43:00Summer's coming up, summer's coming up, right around the corner, getting hot, getting hot.

00:43:07That's why I had to move out to California.

00:43:09Boy, East Coast is too hot, they got a humidity heat.

00:43:12That ain't good if you got balls.

00:43:13You go to East Coast, get some of that summertime heat.

00:43:17Your shit has stuck to your leg all summer.

00:43:19You walk around town like a newborn horse everywhere you go.

00:43:22Hey, what's going on, Billy?

00:43:23How you doing, player?

00:43:24How you doing, player?

00:43:25Just trying to work my shit out, dog.

00:43:27You know how I do.

00:43:28I'm just going to the movie.

00:43:29I'm going to the movie, dog.

00:43:30You know how I do.

00:43:31Let me get two tickets.

00:43:31Let me get two tickets to the show.

00:43:33Two tickets.

00:43:33Two tickets to that shit.

00:43:35East Coast heat.

00:43:40Well, you just get Tourette syndrome as soon as you walk out the house.

00:43:42Hey, what's going on?

00:43:43Fuck, it's hot, motherfucking shit.

00:43:45Woo, this is so goddamn hot.

00:43:48Shit.

00:43:53Summer's coming up.

00:43:55Am I getting tight?

00:43:56All the women start wearing the shorts and the halftops.

00:43:59Ladies, halftops ain't for everybody.

00:44:01I know you've been doing your tie bow all winter and shit.

00:44:05Get in your shit.

00:44:06All right.

00:44:09Nothing worse to go with a halftop.

00:44:10My stomach's bloop.

00:44:11He's like, damn.

00:44:13I'm just big boned.

00:44:14I'm just big boned.

00:44:16Ain't no bones right here, baby.

00:44:17That's the belly.

00:44:18That's the belly.

00:44:18You got chicken bones and rib bones, that son of a bitch.

00:44:20That's what you got.

00:44:21You ain't got your bones.

00:44:21Those ain't your bones.

00:44:23I just got a glam problem.

00:44:24You got a grand slam problem, but that ain't what you got.

00:44:27And ladies, buy shoes that fit your feet.

00:44:30If you're going to the beach in the summertime and you want to wear your sandals and show

00:44:33off your little toes, make sure the shoes fit your feet.

00:44:35Another way to see a girl at the beach with sandals and the sandal ends right here and

00:44:39her toes are right here.

00:44:41Just hanging over, picking up shoes.

00:44:43Oh, that's a seashell.

00:44:43That's a seashell right there.

00:44:44That's a seashell.

00:44:45Oh, that's a dollar.

00:44:46Take it, take it, take it, take it, take it.

00:44:50People ask me all the time how my life changed since I went on Black Network.

00:44:53I said, well, a lot of times when I go on the road, my core audience is black because

00:44:57that's why she's BD.

00:44:57So this is like a lot of white people for me to see in one place.

00:45:00So I'm a little nervous.

00:45:03You know, I ain't seen you guys in forever.

00:45:06Where you been, man?

00:45:07I miss you guys.

00:45:10People say, you know, is it hard to know the Black Room?

00:45:12I say, well, the funny thing is, man, white and black people together, that's the best

00:45:16show because somebody's going to get your joke.

00:45:19Somebody's going to get it.

00:45:21Maybe not everybody, but somebody's going to get it.

00:45:23And the funny thing is, when you get white and black people together at a comedy show,

00:45:26white people never laugh till black people laugh first.

00:45:30We ain't taking no chances on offending nobody.

00:45:33We just sit and wait.

00:45:34How you doing, brother?

00:45:46Welcome, welcome.

00:45:47Yeah, from La Jolla, me and the wife came down.

00:45:50Welcome.

00:45:51Your chances of getting booed are increased greatly.

00:45:54Do you want a show for all black people?

00:45:55Black people got about a 30-second one-joke time limit.

00:45:57If you ain't popping, boo!

00:46:02White people don't boo.

00:46:03We don't boo comics.

00:46:04We'll sit there for three hours.

00:46:05See the worst comedy show we have ever seen in our life.

00:46:07We will not boo that comedy.

00:46:08We'll blame the person that brought us before we blame the comedian.

00:46:10We'll just sit there.

00:46:18This guy fucking sucks, Billy.

00:46:21This guy, he sucks.

00:46:23You're a fucking cock for bringing me here, man.

00:46:25That's a white guy's curse word, cock.

00:46:27Ain't nobody say cock like a white guy.

00:46:28And when we say cock, that comes from the heart, you know?

00:46:31That shit just emphasizes.

00:46:33You're a cock, pal.

00:46:34Yeah, your whole family, bunch of cocks.

00:46:36Your mom's a cock and she's a girl.

00:46:42That's so hard to learn the English language

00:46:43because we all got curse words.

00:46:45We use them different ways.

00:46:46Mexicans, they got their own curse words.

00:46:48Ain't nobody say, God damn it, like a Mexican.

00:46:50That shit flows, you know?

00:46:53Hey, what's up, God damn it?

00:46:55Hey, I saw your show, God damn it.

00:46:57Hey, you're funny.

00:47:00Black people got third word curse words.

00:47:01Black people don't even have real curse words.

00:47:03They throw like three, four words together

00:47:04and make it a curse word.

00:47:06Like, there's a curse word out there.

00:47:07I don't know if it's a noun, a verb,

00:47:09a past participle, a sentence segue,

00:47:11conjunct, junction.

00:47:11I don't know its function.

00:47:13Black...

00:47:13Black people, what does then a motherfucker mean?

00:47:19Is that one word or two?

00:47:20Yeah.

00:47:20Is that one word or two?

00:47:23Then a motherfucker can explain

00:47:24a black person's whole day.

00:47:26You know, how was work?

00:47:27Long than a motherfucker.

00:47:30I went out the way.

00:47:31It was raining hard than a motherfucker today, man.

00:47:33I ain't had no umbrella.

00:47:34I'm wet than a motherfucker.

00:47:35All my...

00:47:35All I like to think, we pack it.

00:47:40We pack it down here.

00:47:42You know, and don't ever let a guy say

00:47:45he's got a dick.

00:47:46No.

00:47:47A male human only has a penis.

00:47:49We don't have nothing big enough

00:47:51to be called a dick.

00:47:52You see a horse?

00:47:54That's a dick.

00:47:55That's a dick.

00:47:57We have a penis.

00:47:59That's why we talk.

00:48:01That's why we gotta wear clothes,

00:48:02because we got a small penis.

00:48:04You know, that's the only reason we dress.

00:48:05We're the only mammal on the planet

00:48:07that puts clothes on.

00:48:08No other mammal puts clothes on.

00:48:10Horse, Rhonda, they don't put no clothes on.

00:48:11They got big dicks.

00:48:13You know?

00:48:14That's the only reason we talk.

00:48:15Horse ain't gotta talk.

00:48:17That's the only reason we talk as men

00:48:18is to try to get something.

00:48:19Baby, I got a car.

00:48:20I got a benefit.

00:48:21I got a new house.

00:48:22I got no record.

00:48:23I got everything.

00:48:23I'm clean.

00:48:24I got my HIV test.

00:48:24Negative.

00:48:25Look, I'm clean.

00:48:26I'm clean.

00:48:27A horse ain't gotta say that shit.

00:48:28Horse just walks up to a female horse.

00:48:29And I'll be watching like that National Geographic show, man.

00:48:43You see some animals that can do sexual feats

00:48:44I can only dream about.

00:48:46You know?

00:48:47Like a male lion.

00:48:49A male lion can mate up to 50 times a day, every day.

00:48:52That's why he's the king of the jungle right there.

00:48:55You know?

00:48:56A male pig.

00:48:58A male pig can have a 30-minute orgasm.

00:49:0130 minutes!

00:49:03That's why pigs are fat and lazy.

00:49:05Shit the tire!

00:49:06Damn!

00:49:07That's why the nose all puckered up

00:49:09and the tail's all curled up in the back.

00:49:11And they make that noise.

00:49:12You have a 30-minute orgasm?

00:49:13You're gonna make that motherfucking noise.

00:49:15I'm sorry.

00:49:16Oh, my God.

00:49:17Oh, baby.

00:49:18Oh, shit.

00:49:19Oh, girl.

00:49:20Oh, damn.

00:49:21You smell bacon?

00:49:22You smell bacon?

00:49:23Oh, full more pork, girl.

00:49:24Nah, I still got more of it.

00:49:25Hold on.

00:49:26Oh, shit!

00:49:30Biggest play on the planet.

00:49:31It ain't even on land either.

00:49:32It's in the water.

00:49:33It ain't no shark or dolphin.

00:49:34It's a blue whale.

00:49:36A blue whale has a 12-foot dick.

00:49:39Not 12 inches, 12 feet.

00:49:42That's like somebody standing on my shoulders right now.

00:49:44All dick.

00:49:48I was watching another male and female mate,

00:49:50and what happens is the female swims,

00:49:52and she gives off this vibe that she's gonna give it up.

00:49:56And when she gives off this heat vibe,

00:49:57you see about 30 male whales hauling ass to hit it.

00:50:00It's just a race for it.

00:50:02And the first one that touches her gets to have sex with her.

00:50:05So the first one touches her,

00:50:06and the other 29 just take off.

00:50:07Ain't no player hatin'.

00:50:08They just roll, you know?

00:50:10They make excuses and stuff, you know?

00:50:13I need to work on my swim, yo.

00:50:14I need to work on my swim.

00:50:15That water was choppy today.

00:50:17I ate like three sea lions, yo.

00:50:19I'm a little stuffed.

00:50:21What happens is the female, she gets hit,

00:50:22and then she makes eye contact with the one that hit her,

00:50:24and then she rolls over on her back,

00:50:26and she starts floatin' just beneath the surface of the water,

00:50:29real calm.

00:50:30I was looking at the TV,

00:50:31I said, there ain't no way she knows 12 feet strong

00:50:33is about to run up in her.

00:50:35Cause she's way too calm just floatin' on the water.

00:50:38You're gonna be a little nervous, I'm sorry.

00:50:40And what happens is the male,

00:50:42he touches her,

00:50:43and then he swims away.

00:50:45About 10 miles.

00:50:46I was like, where you goin'?

00:50:47Come back, she said yes!

00:50:49And I thought he was a punk.

00:50:51And he just swam, slam, slam,

00:50:53and all of a sudden this whale made this turn,

00:50:55and he started comin' back towards her.

00:50:57And then he started pickin' up speed,

00:50:59just...

00:50:59And now he's thinkin', Gary,

00:51:03I've seen a blue whale.

00:51:03You can't just hide a 12-foot one.

00:51:06It takes 10 miles for his shit to get fully erect.

00:51:10You can't just pop a 12-foot hard-on.

00:51:12That takes some time and effort.

00:51:13That ain't no 890, that's a lot of blood.

00:51:15That's a lot of blood.

00:51:17So as he's swimmin' back towards her,

00:51:19this dick is comin' out of nowhere, man.

00:51:21At about 5 miles to impact,

00:51:23it's about 8 feet out.

00:51:24And I was just watchin' it like...

00:51:26I missed the whole second half of the Super Bowl

00:51:31watchin' this dick get hard.

00:51:32I ain't gay, but you cannot turn that off.

00:51:34I'm sorry.

00:51:35At about 2 miles to impact,

00:51:36it's all 12 feet out.

00:51:37So when you got a blue whale up here

00:51:38and a 12-foot dick way down here,

00:51:41it's just pickin' up seaweed and fishin' nests

00:51:43and fishin' hooks.

00:51:45I'm like, damn, that's a nasty-ass whale.

00:51:47I mean, you wipe that off.

00:51:47You in the water.

00:51:48Then right before it gets there,

00:51:50it's easy to jump up and do it.

00:51:51No, he dips about a mile deep.

00:51:53And the dude was on the boat with the camera,

00:51:54and you did not know

00:51:55two whales were about to have sex.

00:51:57And all of a sudden,

00:51:58the water was real calm.

00:52:00This blue whale just jumped out of the water

00:52:02with this 12-foot dick.

00:52:03And this music came out of nowhere.

00:52:07I mean, all you heard was...

00:52:09The female was laying there,

00:52:12saw this 12-foot dick,

00:52:13looked dead at the camera,

00:52:14and went...

00:52:14Oh, shit!

00:52:18Man, the male was in full flight.

00:52:20Music cut off.

00:52:20He looked at the cameraman and winked.

00:52:22Oh!

00:52:23Player!

00:52:27They even landed on him.

00:52:30And they disappeared.

00:52:31I arrived to heaven.

00:52:32And I said,

00:52:32God, if there's reincarnation,

00:52:33I would like to be a blue whale for you.

00:52:39So if you have a lot of white people in here tonight,

00:52:42let me just say this.

00:52:43I've been watching basketball.

00:52:45I've been watching football.

00:52:46Watching baseball just started.

00:52:48Watching boxing.

00:52:49I watched the Olympics last year.

00:52:52White people,

00:52:52we need to practice.

00:52:57For real.

00:53:00We ain't got nothing left, you know?

00:53:02We used to have golf.

00:53:04That was us.

00:53:06About 96,

00:53:07Tiger just came in.

00:53:08I'm half black and half Asian,

00:53:10but I ain't white.

00:53:11I was like...

00:53:11Venus and Serena Williams

00:53:14totally took over tennis, you know?

00:53:20I don't mind if they're black.

00:53:21They can be black.

00:53:22Honestly,

00:53:23I like seeing Serena.

00:53:24She's got the nicest titties

00:53:24I've ever seen on a tennis player.

00:53:26I watch tennis in a whole new light

00:53:28when Serena's playing.

00:53:2915 love.

00:53:31Oh, God.

00:53:3130 love, girl.

00:53:3230 love.

00:53:3330 love.

00:53:3440 love.

00:53:3540 love.

00:53:3540 15!

00:53:36What are you doing?

00:53:3640, 40, 30, 40...

00:53:37Deuce.

00:53:38Deuce.

00:53:39Deuce.

00:53:39Come on, baby.

00:53:40Deuce.

00:53:40Come on.

00:53:40Come on, girl.

00:53:41Come back.

00:53:43I was watching the Olympics.

00:53:45Man,

00:53:45there were black people

00:53:46on Olympic events last year.

00:53:47I've never seen black people win.

00:53:49There was a brother

00:53:49that won the silver medal

00:53:50in the pole vault.

00:53:51Where'd this motherfucker

00:53:53come from, man?

00:53:56Pole vault?

00:53:57Pole vault ain't even a real sport.

00:53:58That's something

00:53:59white people made up

00:53:59because we get sick

00:54:00of black people jumping

00:54:01higher than us

00:54:01and everything else.

00:54:02Well, let's get a pole, boys.

00:54:03Fuck this.

00:54:05Make a pole.

00:54:05They ain't using no pole like us.

00:54:08Did you see the brother

00:54:09on the swim team?

00:54:11That son of a bitch

00:54:12should have never been

00:54:12in the Olympics.

00:54:13That brother damn near

00:54:14drowned swimming in that pool.

00:54:15Black people can't swim.

00:54:16Black people can't swim for shit.

00:54:17I don't know if you know this.

00:54:19They cannot swim.

00:54:20Shit, I know why.

00:54:21Hell, go to a pool party

00:54:22with black people.

00:54:22Ain't nobody swimming

00:54:23at that pool party.

00:54:24I'm sorry.

00:54:26Everybody's gonna be

00:54:27barbecuing all around

00:54:27that motherfucker, though.

00:54:31White girl beat the black girl

00:54:32on the high jump.

00:54:33She did.

00:54:34It was the Olympic trials.

00:54:35I don't know if she made it

00:54:36in the Olympics,

00:54:36how she did.

00:54:37But the black girl,

00:54:38you know,

00:54:38wasn't that the white girl

00:54:39jumping any higher.

00:54:40just the black girl

00:54:40couldn't get her ass

00:54:41over the bar.

00:54:41Just kept hitting that

00:54:42son of a bitch.

00:54:45Look at this.

00:54:47Black girl, excuse me,

00:54:48I got this.

00:54:49Woo!

00:54:52Football, we had football

00:54:53for a long time.

00:54:54We had it.

00:54:55That was us.

00:54:56And we lost position

00:54:57by position.

00:54:57We lost running back.

00:54:59Then we lost wide receiver.

00:55:01You know, we kept

00:55:01alignment for a little while.

00:55:03You know, now we even

00:55:04lost quarterback.

00:55:04Yeah!

00:55:06Yeah!

00:55:10Quarterback was our shit.

00:55:1380s, that was all white.

00:55:14We had two black quarterbacks,

00:55:15Doug Williams and Warren Moon.

00:55:16We knew them,

00:55:16we loved them,

00:55:17there was two.

00:55:18Now every team's got

00:55:19a brother for a quarterback.

00:55:20At least a backup.

00:55:21Don't let the white dude

00:55:22fuck up.

00:55:22That brother's waiting

00:55:23in the wings and shit.

00:55:25Just buying his time.

00:55:28And I hate it.

00:55:28And in college,

00:55:29you look, in college,

00:55:30shit, 70% of the

00:55:31Division I starting

00:55:31quarterbacks are black.

00:55:32So do the math.

00:55:33Five years from now,

00:55:3470% of the NFL

00:55:35quarterbacks will probably

00:55:36be black.

00:55:37You know, and I wish

00:55:38these announcers

00:55:38would just say it.

00:55:39Because you really

00:55:40don't care what color

00:55:40somebody is.

00:55:41You know, you root

00:55:42for the uniform.

00:55:43It could be 22

00:55:43A-Rab motherfuckers

00:55:44playing for the charge.

00:55:45You'd be like,

00:55:45Akbar Mohammed,

00:55:47I see you.

00:55:49You don't care what color

00:55:50they're,

00:55:50as long as they can ball.

00:55:51That's why I hate it, man.

00:55:52These announcers

00:55:52would be acting like

00:55:52we don't know

00:55:53what's going on.

00:55:53Just like in boxing.

00:55:54Don't you hate it

00:55:55when you're watching

00:55:55a boxing match

00:55:56and halfway through

00:55:57the match,

00:55:57you catch it late,

00:55:58there'll be a white guy

00:55:58fighting a black guy

00:55:59and they'll be describing

00:56:00the trunks

00:56:00as the who's who.

00:56:02Just say the brother

00:56:03and the white guy.

00:56:03We already know

00:56:04who's going to win.

00:56:05We just don't win

00:56:06crown yet.

00:56:07That's it.

00:56:08Why do we can't fight?

00:56:10Well, we'll press charges

00:56:11like a motherfucker there.

00:56:12Woo!

00:56:16You know?

00:56:17I hate that, man.

00:56:17I wish these NFL announcers

00:56:18would just say

00:56:19the future of the NFL

00:56:20quarterback is black.

00:56:21Nobody's going to get mad.

00:56:22We ain't tripping.

00:56:23Sometimes perception

00:56:24is reality, you know?

00:56:25CBS and Fox Sports,

00:56:26they won't say it.

00:56:27They'll subliminally

00:56:28tell you black,

00:56:29but they won't say black.

00:56:31They'll say stuff like this.

00:56:32Basically,

00:56:33to be a successful

00:56:33quarterback in the NFL

00:56:34in five years,

00:56:36you're going to have

00:56:36to be in the mold

00:56:37of Charlie Bash,

00:56:38Michael Vick,

00:56:39Dante Culpepper,

00:56:40Achilles Smith,

00:56:41Aaron Brooks,

00:56:42Jeff Blake.

00:56:43You know,

00:56:43you know,

00:56:44you got to be quick

00:56:44on your feet.

00:56:45You got to be able

00:56:45to read the defense,

00:56:46throw over or under.

00:56:47You got to hang

00:56:47out of barbershops.

00:56:48You got to eat macaroni

00:56:48and cheese.

00:56:49You got to eat

00:56:49sweet potato fries.

00:56:50What are you talking about?

00:56:52That's black, man.

00:56:53That's black.

00:56:54I ain't stupid.

00:56:56Unless what we got

00:56:57left white people's NASCAR,

00:56:58that's us.

00:56:59That's our shit.

00:57:01Ain't nobody getting a NASCAR.

00:57:02That's all us.

00:57:03Ain't no other race

00:57:04even trying to get in

00:57:05car racing.

00:57:05That's all us,

00:57:06you know?

00:57:07Asians,

00:57:07they can't even drive

00:57:08on a normal road.

00:57:09They cannot get in

00:57:09car racing.

00:57:13That ain't gonna work.

00:57:14That ain't gonna work.

00:57:17That race is going to

00:57:17make the first turn

00:57:18and it's a 30-car crash.

00:57:20Goddammit, Lee!

00:57:21I saw thee!

00:57:23I know to try.

00:57:24I don't have good

00:57:24penit for you.

00:57:26Don't take this ship

00:57:26card.

00:57:27I don't see no Asians

00:57:27out front doing donuts

00:57:28after the show.

00:57:29I can drive, bitch!

00:57:30I can drive!

00:57:32Black people,

00:57:33you can't give a black

00:57:34person, especially a brother,

00:57:36you can't give a brother

00:57:36a car that costs

00:57:37a half a million dollars

00:57:38and then tell him

00:57:39to go fast.

00:57:40And he might crash,

00:57:42that brother's gonna

00:57:42be pimping around

00:57:43that track.

00:57:44Boom, doom, doom.

00:57:46Boom, doom.

00:57:47Brother's giving

00:57:48shout-outs and shit.

00:57:49Daytona, Daytona!

00:57:54Can you see a brother

00:57:55pouring the pit?

00:57:56Don't change shit.

00:57:56Just shine it up.

00:57:57Shine it up.

00:57:58Shine my shit.

00:57:59Shine that.

00:58:00Brother be cutting

00:58:01and it costs the grass,

00:58:02save gas money.

00:58:02Where the fuck

00:58:03is Jackson going?

00:58:03Where is Jackson going?

00:58:07You know,

00:58:07car racing,

00:58:08that's all about

00:58:08sponsorship.

00:58:09Ain't nobody gonna

00:58:10sponsor a black car racer.

00:58:12Who is sponsoring

00:58:13a black car racer?

00:58:14FUBU?

00:58:17Hennessy?

00:58:19S-Curl?

00:58:21Big Afro on the hood.

00:58:28Mexicans?

00:58:29Mexicans ain't getting

00:58:29car racer.

00:58:30No.

00:58:32They pull in the pit.

00:58:33Nobody's in the pit.

00:58:34Everybody's in the car.

00:58:39You see a Mexican car racer?

00:58:42That fuck pulls into the pit.

00:58:44Don't take the tire.

00:58:44Get that bit of a can, fucker!

00:58:53Mexicans are the best

00:58:54natured people, too, man.

00:58:55Glass is always half full

00:58:57with Mexicans.

00:58:57Always half full.

00:58:58Mexicans, you put them

00:59:00in some fucked up situations,

00:59:02they make the best of it.

00:59:03You try to put 22 white people

00:59:05in a one-bedroom apartment.

00:59:07We're gonna be bitching.

00:59:08This sucks.

00:59:11Man, this sucks.

00:59:12Fuck you, Dad.

00:59:12You're a cock.

00:59:13Shut up.

00:59:14Good job, Dad.

00:59:15You cock.

00:59:17You put 22 black people

00:59:19in one-bedroom apartment,

00:59:19they're gonna argue.

00:59:20Fuck you.

00:59:21Fuck you.

00:59:21Fuck all 21 of you

00:59:22motherfuckers, all right?

00:59:23Got me up in this

00:59:25one-bedroom,

00:59:26little motherfucker.

00:59:29You put 22 Mexicans

00:59:30in a one-bedroom apartment?

00:59:31Eh, we're together!

00:59:35We tripped so much on brand.

00:59:37I talk about it so much.

00:59:38That's the Achilles heel

00:59:39of this country.

00:59:40It's race.

00:59:40You can say what you want

00:59:41if you don't want to talk about it.

00:59:43I talk about that shit.

00:59:44That shit's funny to me.

00:59:46The way we do stuff

00:59:47is all different and everything.

00:59:49You know?

00:59:49Because I'm living,

00:59:51you know,

00:59:51I'm living what America

00:59:52wasn't supposed to be like.

00:59:54You know?

00:59:54I got a mixed son,

00:59:5510.

00:59:56My son's half black

00:59:56and half white.

00:59:57I'm the white.

00:59:58Mother's black.

01:00:00It's difficult

01:00:01raising a mixed kid.

01:00:02It's real easy

01:00:03to be black or white.

01:00:04Mixed has got it harder

01:00:05than black and white people.

01:00:06Mixed,

01:00:06my son's got it hard.

01:00:08You know?

01:00:09He ain't had that many

01:00:09role models

01:00:10for black and white people.

01:00:11White people's got

01:00:11a lot of role models.

01:00:12Black people's got

01:00:13a lot of role models.

01:00:14Who's my kid got?

01:00:15Prince?

01:00:18And it's difficult

01:00:20because a lot of questions

01:00:21he asks me,

01:00:22I'm not really prepared

01:00:23to answer.

01:00:23He catches me off guard a lot.

01:00:25You know?

01:00:25Because sometimes

01:00:26my son wants to be black.

01:00:28Sometimes he'd rather be white.

01:00:29Sometimes he just wants

01:00:30to mess with people,

01:00:31say he's Dominican and shit.

01:00:34You know?

01:00:35We'll be at the mall.

01:00:36Hey, father.

01:00:36Shut up, man.

01:00:37I couldn't understand you.

01:00:40And, you know,

01:00:41last year was a real hard year

01:00:42when he was nine.

01:00:43That was difficult

01:00:44because last year

01:00:45he was in third grade.

01:00:46And third grade's year

01:00:47you start learning

01:00:47American history.

01:00:49So, you know,

01:00:50sometimes he would come

01:00:51over to school

01:00:51with an attitude

01:00:52looking at me

01:00:53like I might have

01:00:53did something to him

01:00:54in the past.

01:00:56He would be walking

01:00:57in the house.

01:00:57Dad, you want to tell me

01:00:58something?

01:01:01You want to tell me

01:01:02something about the past,

01:01:03Dad?

01:01:03All right.

01:01:041800 ring a bell?

01:01:051800 ring a bell.

01:01:06Maybe, maybe.

01:01:07Anything ring a bell?

01:01:09I was like,

01:01:09what are you talking about?

01:01:10He asked me why

01:01:11I didn't take it

01:01:11to me or me or March.

01:01:13Hey, Dad.

01:01:14Why didn't you take it

01:01:14to me or me or March?

01:01:15I said,

01:01:16I wasn't invited.

01:01:18You should have

01:01:19called your uncle.

01:01:20Shout out to the

01:01:20airport to go to that shit.

01:01:21So don't bring it up now.

01:01:22You got a t-shirt.

01:01:23You got a t-shirt.

01:01:26Says you're one in a million.

01:01:28You're one in a million.

01:01:30He goes,

01:01:31Nah, Dad.

01:01:31What's the real reason?

01:01:32I said,

01:01:32You were five years old.

01:01:33He goes,

01:01:33Nah,

01:01:34you're trying to keep me down

01:01:34away from my people.

01:01:35I know he's talking now.

01:01:36Lately, he's been really

01:01:40coming in.

01:01:40He really wants to be black.

01:01:41Lately, you know,

01:01:42he's been coming in.

01:01:42Dad, I'm black.

01:01:45I am so black

01:01:47and black is beautiful.

01:01:49Look at me, Dad.

01:01:50I'm so black.

01:01:51Look at me.

01:01:52When I go outside,

01:01:53people say,

01:01:54That's a black kid.

01:01:57When I go to family reunions,

01:01:58they go,

01:01:59Who's a cute little black kid?

01:02:01So,

01:02:01I don't know what happened

01:02:03between you and my mom,

01:02:04but right now,

01:02:06I am black.

01:02:08I said,

01:02:09No, you're mixed.

01:02:09You're half black

01:02:10and half white.

01:02:11No!

01:02:12I'm all black.

01:02:15No, you're not.

01:02:16You're half black

01:02:17and half white.

01:02:18I did.

01:02:18I got the DNA test.

01:02:20You got it.

01:02:27I don't care

01:02:29because it's 99.9.

01:02:33That ain't 100.

01:02:35So, until you get 100,

01:02:37I am black.

01:02:40I said,

01:02:41I'm telling you,

01:02:42you're mixed.

01:02:42You're not half,

01:02:43you know,

01:02:44you're not whole black.

01:02:45You're half black.

01:02:46You're half black

01:02:46and half white.

01:02:47No!

01:02:48Look at me.

01:02:49I am all black.

01:02:50I said,

01:02:50Where do you think

01:02:51they got the good hair from,

01:02:51motherfucker?

01:02:55That ain't come from your mama.

01:02:56Wash and go.

01:02:57Wash and go.

01:02:57That's all you gotta do.

01:02:59That comes from me, player.

01:03:01You ain't ever gotta use

01:03:02a hot comb.

01:03:03Ever.

01:03:03Ever gotta use a hot comb

01:03:04on your shit.

01:03:05You will never have a burn

01:03:05on the back of your neck.

01:03:06Ever.

01:03:08Your shit just grows and flows.

01:03:10Grows and flows.

01:03:11You wanna get so much pussy

01:03:12because of me.

01:03:15I don't care, dad.

01:03:16I appreciate the good hair

01:03:17but I am still black.

01:03:20I said,

01:03:21You sure you wanna be black?

01:03:22I wanna be black.

01:03:23You don't wanna be white?

01:03:24I don't wanna be white.

01:03:26I said,

01:03:26Okay.

01:03:27I gotta stop beating your ass

01:03:29then time out's over.

01:03:30Now shut the fuck up,

01:03:31you black mother.

01:03:32I gotta beat the fuck out of your

01:03:33black ass.

01:03:34You black son of a bitch.

01:03:37Black.

01:03:40Dan,

01:03:41Dan,

01:03:41I changed my mind.

01:03:42I totally see where you're coming from.

01:03:44I see where you're coming from.

01:03:45Yup, yup.

01:03:47I think I wanna be white.

01:03:48I think I wanna be white, dad.

01:03:49Go ahead and put on

01:03:49Barry Manilow.

01:03:50Go put on that Barry Manilow, dad.

01:03:51He's got some catchy tone.

01:03:53I think he's got black backup singers.

01:03:54He's got black backup singers.

01:03:55And you know,

01:03:59as a father,

01:03:59you want your son to look like you

01:04:00a little bit.

01:04:01Just a little.

01:04:04I didn't realize

01:04:04you're gonna be a kid

01:04:05between a black and white person.

01:04:0690% of the time,

01:04:07the kid's gonna look black.

01:04:07He's not gonna look white.

01:04:08I didn't know that.

01:04:10You know,

01:04:10I didn't tell my parents

01:04:11I was having a mixed kid.

01:04:12I thought maybe they won't notice.

01:04:15I didn't realize

01:04:16the first time I brought him home,

01:04:17that kind of reaction

01:04:18I was gonna get and shit.

01:04:19Gary, bring that little son of a bitch

01:04:20over here right now.

01:04:22Bring that little son of a bitch.

01:04:23Put him right here.

01:04:24I'm gonna see my grandbaby.

01:04:25Right here.

01:04:25Put that,

01:04:25holy shit,

01:04:26that motherfucker's got an afro, Gary.

01:04:27What the fuck happened?

01:04:33Athletes are out of control.

01:04:34They be fighting now,

01:04:35you know.

01:04:35Football players are fighting

01:04:37up for murder,

01:04:38you know.

01:04:38Basketball players are fighting.

01:04:39Hockey players need to be

01:04:40with sticks,

01:04:41you know.

01:04:42Basketball all started

01:04:42a couple years ago.

01:04:43I knew it was on

01:04:44a downward trend in basketball

01:04:45when usually a player

01:04:46fights a player.

01:04:47But when a player

01:04:47fights a coach,

01:04:48that's when you know

01:04:49something's up,

01:04:50you know.

01:04:51Like, remember when

01:04:51Charles Rubell

01:04:52choked his coach?

01:04:53You know,

01:04:54three years ago,

01:04:54he signed a contract

01:04:55for $32 million

01:04:55and then he choked

01:04:57his coach.

01:04:57This brother

01:04:58didn't just choke his coach.

01:04:59He choked his coach,

01:05:00left, went to the locker room,

01:05:01thought about it,

01:05:01came back out

01:05:01and choked his ass again.

01:05:03He actually had had time

01:05:04to simmer down

01:05:05and think about

01:05:06what he did wrong

01:05:06and he felt the need

01:05:07to choke that motherfucker

01:05:08one more time.

01:05:09I was like,

01:05:09what are you doing?

01:05:10If you don't know the story,

01:05:11the Charles Rubell

01:05:12three years ago

01:05:12had a contract

01:05:13for $32 million

01:05:13and then he choked

01:05:14his coach

01:05:14and he fired him.

01:05:15Just kicked him

01:05:16out the league

01:05:16for a year.

01:05:17So he went from $32 million

01:05:18to nothing

01:05:19because he choked

01:05:19his coach.

01:05:20So they said,

01:05:21why'd you choke

01:05:21your coach?

01:05:22He said,

01:05:22because he verbally

01:05:23abused me.

01:05:27$32 million?

01:05:27Verbal abuse?

01:05:30What did he say?

01:05:34I just can't think

01:05:35of nothing

01:05:36off the top of my head

01:05:37that's going to make me

01:05:37want to choke somebody

01:05:38and I just signed

01:05:38a contract for $32 million.

01:05:40Honestly,

01:05:41one thing you never call

01:05:42a woman is a bitch.

01:05:43But give her $32 million?

01:05:45You can call her a bitch.

01:05:50Just for one time,

01:05:51one time.

01:05:51Give a woman $32 million

01:05:52and call her a bitch.

01:05:53See what happens.

01:05:54Nothing.

01:05:54I'm going to write to her,

01:05:54excuse me, excuse me,

01:05:55you a nasty ass bitch.

01:05:57Whoop!

01:05:58At times,

01:05:59I can be.

01:05:59Yes, I know.

01:06:02Give me $32 million.

01:06:03You can talk about me,

01:06:03my mom,

01:06:04the size of my ding dong.

01:06:05I don't care.

01:06:06You can be looking

01:06:06dead at it.

01:06:07God damn,

01:06:07that small.

01:06:08I know.

01:06:08I'm just going to go

01:06:09to the bank player.

01:06:09All right.

01:06:11Make a couple withdrawals.

01:06:12Let me get an extension

01:06:13on it because I can

01:06:14afford to do that.

01:06:14Maybe I'll take another

01:06:1512, bring another

01:06:1560, cover nine.

01:06:16Maybe I'll take a hand

01:06:17my 40 and fuck you

01:06:17like this.

01:06:23Any father in here

01:06:24wants your son

01:06:24to look like you

01:06:25a little bit,

01:06:25just a little.

01:06:27My son looks

01:06:27nothing like me.

01:06:28Nothing.

01:06:29I mean,

01:06:30you see me walking

01:06:30on the street

01:06:30with my son,

01:06:31you do not know

01:06:32that's my son.

01:06:32You think I'm

01:06:33in a big brother,

01:06:33big sister program

01:06:34with his head.

01:06:37Phoebe Hall,

01:06:38now I appreciate

01:06:38what you're doing.

01:06:39It's for the community,

01:06:39for the community,

01:06:40yes,

01:06:40doing my part,

01:06:41keeping the kids

01:06:41off the straight,

01:06:42keeping the kids

01:06:43off the straight.

01:06:44Sometimes black guys

01:06:45get mad at me

01:06:46if I yell at my kid

01:06:47in public.

01:06:48They just think

01:06:48I'm this white guy

01:06:49yelling at this

01:06:49little black kid

01:06:50for no reason.

01:06:52You know,

01:06:53they don't know

01:06:53that's my kid,

01:06:54I'm allowed to yell

01:06:55at them by law.

01:06:55Actually,

01:06:56I'm supposed to yell

01:06:56at them now and again.

01:06:58They just see a white guy

01:06:59like I'm this deranged

01:07:00white guy running

01:07:00over the malls

01:07:01young little black kids

01:07:02or something,

01:07:02you know.

01:07:03I'll be at the mall

01:07:03and be like,

01:07:04Camille,

01:07:04put that shit down

01:07:05and get over here.

01:07:06Who in the fuck?

01:07:10You know,

01:07:10I got a safe face.

01:07:11Motherfucker,

01:07:11fuck you.

01:07:12Let's go.

01:07:13Let's go.

01:07:14Come on.

01:07:14Just make it a car.

01:07:15Make it a car.

01:07:15Just make it a car.

01:07:16I swear to God,

01:07:16I'll get you them joy tomorrow.

01:07:17I'll get you all the joy

01:07:17that you want.

01:07:17I'll get you every color.

01:07:18I'll get you every color.

01:07:20You know,

01:07:20he's half black,

01:07:2110 years old.

01:07:21He's already faster than me

01:07:22and shit.

01:07:22He's already at the car.

01:07:23I got it started.

01:07:24I'm like,

01:07:24damn.

01:07:27How'd you get the car so fast?

01:07:30Mom.

01:07:31I gotta be careful, man,

01:07:33because, you know,

01:07:33I just bought a new house

01:07:34and the new school issue

01:07:35I moved my son into,

01:07:36it was an all-white school,

01:07:37all-white.

01:07:38He was the only black kid

01:07:40at the whole school.

01:07:40I said,

01:07:40no, no, no, no, no, no,

01:07:41no.

01:07:41He's not going here.

01:07:43You know,

01:07:43I don't want him being

01:07:44the only one.

01:07:45Everybody just looking at him

01:07:46like during the monorail

01:07:47at the zoo and shit.

01:07:56You see the only black kid

01:07:57on the playground?

01:07:58There he is.

01:08:05Tommy, come here.

01:08:06There he is.

01:08:07New kid.

01:08:08Yeah, new.

01:08:09Yeah.

01:08:12I'm going to pick him first.

01:08:14I got the first pick.

01:08:15I'm going to get him.

01:08:15You know?

01:08:17I said,

01:08:17I can't have that shit, man.

01:08:18So I,

01:08:19every day when I'm in town,

01:08:21I have to drive my son

01:08:2220 minutes to a different

01:08:22school district.

01:08:23And he doesn't have to go

01:08:24to all black school.

01:08:25I'm not saying that at all.

01:08:26I'm just saying,

01:08:27he can go to a school

01:08:28with just three,

01:08:28four black kids.

01:08:29As long as he's got

01:08:30somebody else on the playground

01:08:31that looks like him.

01:08:32You know,

01:08:32he ain't got to hang out

01:08:33with him.

01:08:33Just give him some dab,

01:08:34roll on.

01:08:35You know?

01:08:35What's up, player?

01:08:36All right.

01:08:36I see you.

01:08:37I see you.

01:08:37Third grade?

01:08:38Fourth grade.

01:08:39Third grade?

01:08:39Fourth grade.

01:08:40No, that's hard.

01:08:40You're the only one.

01:08:41So every day,

01:08:42I got to drive him

01:08:43like 20 minutes

01:08:43to this other school district.

01:08:45And the school district

01:08:45I got him in is great

01:08:46because they got Asians

01:08:47and Mexicans

01:08:48and whites

01:08:49and they got everybody there.

01:08:50You know?

01:08:51So,

01:08:51but it,

01:08:52it's funny to me

01:08:53because I went

01:08:54for Father Sunday

01:08:54and my job was

01:08:55to separate the kickball team.

01:08:57I had to separate

01:08:57the kickball team.

01:08:58And you immediately know

01:08:59which kid is which

01:09:00by the names.

01:09:01You know?

01:09:02You ain't even got to see him.

01:09:03You ain't even got to look up.

01:09:04You know what color he is

01:09:06by the name.

01:09:07You know?

01:09:07You can't.

01:09:08Black people,

01:09:09come on.

01:09:10We done heard

01:09:14all the jokes

01:09:15about naming people

01:09:16after food

01:09:17and cars

01:09:18and liquor

01:09:18and stuff.

01:09:20I saw the black name

01:09:21to top all black names.

01:09:23I was going down

01:09:24the road call.

01:09:25And you know,

01:09:25you don't want to embarrass

01:09:26a kid by mispronouncing

01:09:27his name.

01:09:28You know?

01:09:28So I was like,

01:09:29Jason, here.

01:09:31Jason, what's up?

01:09:32Billy, here, Mr. Owens.

01:09:33Hey, Billy.

01:09:34Hector, hola,

01:09:35Sr. Owens.

01:09:36Hey, Hector.

01:09:39I got the fourth name

01:09:40on the list.

01:09:41I looked at it

01:09:42like four or five times.

01:09:44I said,

01:09:45I don't want to embarrass

01:09:45this kid.

01:09:46I sounded it out.

01:09:50I don't know

01:09:50if his mama was fat

01:09:52or what.

01:09:53I said,

01:09:54Lemon Jell-O.

01:10:00You know what he said?

01:10:02That's Lamangelo.

01:10:05Had a walk

01:10:06and everything.

01:10:08You don't know

01:10:09about that, player.

01:10:10That's one word.

01:10:12That's one word.

01:10:13Lemon Jell-O is two words.

01:10:14Put it together.

01:10:15Lamangelo.

01:10:17Your shit is L-E-M-O-N-J-E-L-L-O.

01:10:20Your shit is Lemon Jell-O, player.

01:10:22When you get in

01:10:26a black family,

01:10:26no matter what color you are,

01:10:27you in the family.

01:10:30Deep.

01:10:32They've called me

01:10:32the N-word a lot.

01:10:35Out of affection.

01:10:36I mean,

01:10:36out of affection.

01:10:37That really throws you.

01:10:38First time a white guy

01:10:39gets called the N-word

01:10:40out of affection,

01:10:40you don't know

01:10:41how to react.

01:10:42How do you respond to that?

01:10:44You know,

01:10:44you're just kind of like this.

01:10:45I want to tell you the same,

01:11:05but I'm not allowed.

01:11:05I want to tell you the same.

01:11:08Black white.

01:11:09I didn't realize

01:11:11like four or five black guys

01:11:12can punk

01:11:13four or five white guys.

01:11:15I didn't realize that

01:11:16in most parts of the country.

01:11:17I was rolling down the street

01:11:18in my car.

01:11:19Had two of my son's cousins

01:11:21and two of his uncles

01:11:22in the car.

01:11:22Just rolling.

01:11:24And I cut these three

01:11:24white dudes off

01:11:25in traffic on accident.

01:11:26So the white dudes got pissed

01:11:27because it was a night

01:11:28and they started flashing us

01:11:29with their brights.

01:11:31And they, you know,

01:11:31then they pulled up beside us

01:11:32and came right to the driver's

01:11:34side of the car.

01:11:34It was like,

01:11:34this far from me, you know?

01:11:36And they was getting ready

01:11:37to cuss us out.

01:11:37But see, they just thought

01:11:39it was me.

01:11:40They didn't see the other

01:11:41brothers in the car

01:11:42because they was laid back

01:11:43and shit.

01:11:46You should have seen

01:11:47when they pulled up next to us

01:11:48getting ready to cuss us out

01:11:48and all the seats came up.

01:11:50You see four black faces

01:11:52in the car.

01:11:53Man, the whole situation

01:11:54turned in my favor, man.

01:11:55That whole cutoff thing.

01:11:56These white guys

01:11:57were ready to cuss us out

01:11:57until they saw the black guys.

01:11:58They was like,

01:11:59hey, mother fuck, man.

01:12:03I'm so glad I got a son.

01:12:04I don't want no daughter ever.

01:12:07Ever.

01:12:08You know, daughters

01:12:09are too much trouble.

01:12:10You know,

01:12:11especially when they become

01:12:12like 13, 14,

01:12:12the hormones kick in.

01:12:14There ain't no time

01:12:15you want to be a dad

01:12:15to a daughter.

01:12:16You can't have your daughter

01:12:17going out, shit.

01:12:18She's got to be in

01:12:19at 8 o'clock every night.

01:12:20You know,

01:12:20you got tracking on the internet,

01:12:22you got an ankle bracing

01:12:22on her ass.

01:12:24You know?

01:12:25Because, you know,

01:12:25your daughter's your pride and joy.

01:12:27That's the sweetness.

01:12:28Innocent.

01:12:30You don't want to ever think

01:12:31of your daughter having sex,

01:12:33but it's going to happen.

01:12:34You know?

01:12:35That's my biggest fear.

01:12:36I'm going to have a daughter,

01:12:37and she's going to be a hoe.

01:12:39Because we all know

01:12:40that one girl in high school

01:12:42and around the neighborhood

01:12:42that's fucking everybody.

01:12:44What if that's your daughter?

01:12:46You know?

01:12:46And you think she's popular

01:12:47and shit.

01:12:49You know?

01:12:50Because just the way you react to shit

01:12:52is totally different

01:12:52between your son and daughter.

01:12:54Let's say you come home

01:12:55from work early,

01:12:55walk in the house.

01:12:56You catch your son

01:12:57having sex in the living room

01:12:58with a girl.

01:13:00You can handle that.

01:13:01As a father,

01:13:02I actually want to see that shit.

01:13:05You know?

01:13:06Let's say you walk in the house,

01:13:07come home from work early.

01:13:07Nobody knows you're coming home.

01:13:09Walk in the house.

01:13:10You catch your son

01:13:11having sex

01:13:12with a cheerleader

01:13:13on the living room couch.

01:13:14Oh, what the f...

01:13:16My boy!

01:13:18Oh, shit,

01:13:19I'm going to call your grandpa.

01:13:20Dad, he's fucking right now.

01:13:21Yep.

01:13:22I'm telling you,

01:13:23he's tearing it up.

01:13:23He's tearing it up.

01:13:24Okay, I'm going to tape it.

01:13:26That's my boy.

01:13:27Fucking for the first time.

01:13:28You mean, coach him?

01:13:29Hey, turn over.

01:13:30Turn over.

01:13:31Hit him from the back.

01:13:32Hit him from the back.

01:13:35Yeah, boy.

01:13:36Oh, you wearing a condom?

01:13:38Responsible.

01:13:38You responsible.

01:13:39I knew I taught you well.

01:13:40It's a magnum?

01:13:41Motherfucking magnum!

01:13:43Shit!

01:13:44Take that same situation, though.

01:13:49Walk in the house.

01:13:50Come home from work early.

01:13:52Catch your daughter

01:13:53getting the bottom

01:13:54knocked out of her ass

01:13:55by some big-ass linebacker.

01:13:57How are you going to react

01:13:58to that as a father?

01:14:00You know?

01:14:00Hey, what's going on?

01:14:01What the?

01:14:06Get your ass to your room.

01:14:07Get your ass to your room.

01:14:08Take your ass to your room.

01:14:10You know what you did wrong.

01:14:12I'll be inside in a few minutes.

01:14:15Get done thinking this whole

01:14:16we're going to get that pool

01:14:17next week, I guess.

01:14:18We're going to get that pool

01:14:19next week.

01:14:20You ever see a trailer park

01:14:21with a pool?

01:14:21That's a damn son bitch

01:14:22in that backyard, you know?

01:14:24We retarded, but we ain't stupid,

01:14:26you know?

01:14:27And even if you have a good girl,

01:14:28even if your daughter says,

01:14:29Dad, I'm going to save myself

01:14:30until I get married.

01:14:32And she does.

01:14:33Your daughter does not have sex

01:14:34until she gets married.

01:14:36You know, the one night

01:14:37your daughter is getting

01:14:38the bottom knocked out

01:14:40of her ass is the wedding night.

01:14:42That ain't no time

01:14:43to be no proud papa

01:14:44walking your daughter

01:14:44down the aisle.

01:14:46Because basically

01:14:47what you're saying

01:14:47to everybody in that church

01:14:48is, how you doing?

01:14:49Daughter's getting fucked tonight.

01:14:50Hey!

01:14:55It sucks being a guy, you know?

01:14:56We can't, there's songs

01:14:57I want to listen to

01:14:58and pump up my car.

01:14:59I can't listen to.

01:15:00Like, you can see

01:15:01right after the show

01:15:01you can go out front

01:15:02and see four women

01:15:03driving by listening to DMX.

01:15:05Like, damn, look at them

01:15:06sexy girls listening to DMX.

01:15:08Woo!

01:15:09Sexy, boy, sexy.

01:15:11Can you imagine

01:15:12seeing four guys

01:15:13rolling by listening

01:15:13to Destiny's Child?

01:15:17That shit ain't sexy or nothing.

01:15:18You can't see no four dudes.

01:15:20All the women

01:15:20truly feel me

01:15:22throw your hands up at me.

01:15:24All the...

01:15:25Hey, what's up, girl?

01:15:25What's up?

01:15:26What's up?

01:15:27Yeah.

01:15:28Yeah.

01:15:30You know, I like Tony Braxton.

01:15:31You can have four dudes

01:15:32trying to pick up a girl

01:15:33at the corner

01:15:33listening to Tony.

01:15:34Hey, what's up, girl?

01:15:35He wasn't man enough for me.

01:15:37What are you thinking?

01:15:40Do you know what?

01:15:42A lot of people bag on singers.

01:15:43I just like music.

01:15:44I don't care what you do

01:15:45in your personal life.

01:15:46We get too involved

01:15:47in singers' personal business.

01:15:48Michael Jackson,

01:15:49the classic example.

01:15:51Everybody bags

01:15:51and talks about Mike.

01:15:53He can still sing

01:15:53and he's still the greatest

01:15:54entertainer you will ever see live.

01:15:56Jesus.

01:15:56You see Michael Jackson live?

01:15:58Woo!

01:15:58You can be the hardest dog

01:15:59in the world.

01:15:59You will scream like a bitch

01:16:00halfway through that concert, boy.

01:16:03I don't care who you are.

01:16:04And Michael Jackson...

01:16:05I got a theory on Michael Jackson.

01:16:06My personal theory

01:16:07is that Michael Jackson

01:16:09is Jesus.

01:16:10I'm telling you,

01:16:13he is Jesus.

01:16:14He's already here,

01:16:15been living here.

01:16:16Because, you know,

01:16:16we do stuff to Michael Jackson

01:16:17and we only do to Jesus.

01:16:19You know?

01:16:20Persecute him,

01:16:20put him down,

01:16:21make fun of him

01:16:22just because he wants

01:16:22to change colors

01:16:23and play with little kids

01:16:25and stuff.

01:16:26But he never fights back,

01:16:28does he?

01:16:28I just love everybody.

01:16:29It's cool, it's cool.

01:16:31You know what I'm saying?

01:16:31He doesn't fight back.

01:16:33You know?

01:16:34He does stuff

01:16:34the only Jesus can do.

01:16:35There's two songs

01:16:36you know by heart.

01:16:37Beat It

01:16:37and Happy Birthday.

01:16:39You don't know

01:16:39where you learned

01:16:40them two songs.

01:16:40You don't know

01:16:40how you learned them.

01:16:41But every time they come on,

01:16:42you know every word.

01:16:43Michael Jackson,

01:16:43that's stuff

01:16:43only Jesus can do.

01:16:44Michael Jackson

01:16:45goes to third world countries.

01:16:46They have no money.

01:16:47They have no music.

01:16:49They have no radio.

01:16:50They have no TV.

01:16:51Yet he comes to concert

01:16:52and sells out.

01:16:57Only Jesus can do that.

01:16:59You know?

01:17:00I ain't saying he's Jesus.

01:17:01I'm just saying

01:17:02when he dies,

01:17:02you got three days

01:17:03to get your shit together.

01:17:04That's all I'm saying.

01:17:05And people be asking

01:17:08all the time

01:17:09what color is Jesus?

01:17:10People be arguing,

01:17:11especially down south,

01:17:11they be arguing,

01:17:12is Jesus black

01:17:13or is Jesus white?

01:17:14That's a dumb argument.

01:17:15It's going to be too late

01:17:15when we find out.

01:17:17Don't be arguing

01:17:17whether it's Jesus black

01:17:18or is Jesus white.

01:17:19We're going to feel

01:17:19real stupid if he's Mexican

01:17:20and we've been fighting

01:17:21about is he black or white.

01:17:23When we get up to heaven,

01:17:24there's Jesus.

01:17:25Hey, what's up?

01:17:25Come on in, fucker.

01:17:28How you doing?

01:17:29How you doing?

01:17:30Hey, this is my brother

01:17:33and my sister.

01:17:34Mother.

01:17:37Yup.

01:17:37And this is Moses.

01:17:38I know you know Moses.

01:17:39That's him.

01:17:40Say hello, Moses.

01:17:40Hello.

01:17:41I told you I know him, fucker.

01:17:43That's my friend.

01:17:45We go way back.

01:17:47My son asked me

01:17:48all the time

01:17:48what color Jesus is.

01:17:50You know?

01:17:50Hey, dad.

01:17:51Is Jesus black

01:17:52or is Jesus white?

01:17:53Either way,

01:17:54I'm covered.

01:17:54I just want to know.

01:17:55So we start reading

01:18:00the Bible together

01:18:01and we came to the conclusion

01:18:02that Jesus is black.

01:18:03I might be totally wrong,

01:18:05but personally,

01:18:06I think he was probably black.

01:18:07Think about it.

01:18:09Jesus called everybody brother.

01:18:12Black.

01:18:14Jesus listened to gospel music.

01:18:17Black.

01:18:18Jesus didn't get a fair trial.

01:18:19Woo.

01:18:21Black than a motherfucker

01:18:22right there.

01:18:24That pretty much

01:18:25certified it for me.

01:18:26But now everybody wants

01:18:31to get a kick

01:18:31on the boy bands.

01:18:32We all got off

01:18:33Michael Jackson,

01:18:34we got off the hard rock,

01:18:34we got off the rap.

01:18:35Everyone wants to bag

01:18:36on the boy bands.

01:18:37Don't bag on the boy bands.

01:18:38I like them, personally.

01:18:39That's my shit.

01:18:42You know,

01:18:42you can lie

01:18:43and act like you don't like them,

01:18:45but you like them.

01:18:46You know?

01:18:47Because you get caught,

01:18:48you know we all get caught

01:18:49driving in a car

01:18:49listening to a Backstreet Boys,

01:18:51a new NSYNC song.

01:18:52We ain't supposed to know,

01:18:53yet we know every word.

01:18:55You know?

01:18:56We all got that song.

01:18:57You know,

01:18:57I was riding in a car,

01:18:57I forgot my homeboy

01:18:58was riding with me.

01:18:59We was just rolling.

01:19:01Oh,

01:19:02Backstreet's back.

01:19:03All right!

01:19:05Oh, shit.

01:19:07I'm sorry.

01:19:09I'm sorry.

01:19:12I forgot you was in the car, man.

01:19:14My son listens to that shit, man.

01:19:16He's not Barney

01:19:17in Backstreet's.

01:19:19I like the boy bands, man,

01:19:20because the boy bands

01:19:21sing about stuff.

01:19:22Especially my son at 10,

01:19:23I don't want him

01:19:24listening to rap

01:19:25and hard rock.

01:19:25Not yet.

01:19:26He can decide

01:19:26when he gets 16.

01:19:27But at 10,

01:19:28he listens to boy bands.

01:19:28That's all that's played

01:19:29all over my house.

01:19:30Because the boy bands

01:19:31think about songs

01:19:32that I want my son doing.

01:19:33They don't talk about

01:19:34calling women derogatory names

01:19:36or killing people.

01:19:37They just, you know,

01:19:37let's go to the park

01:19:38and hold hands.

01:19:40Let's go to McDonald's

01:19:41and get a number two.

01:19:45Supersize it for you.

01:19:47Damn, that is so catchy.

01:19:49That is so catchy.

01:19:50That is so catchy.

01:19:51And we know the boy bands

01:19:52ain't as talented

01:19:52as they promote.

01:19:53I don't know if they talented

01:19:54but not as talented.

01:19:55That's why they put

01:19:55four or five of them

01:19:56in a group.

01:19:57You know,

01:19:57so in case one of the voice cracks,

01:19:59they got backup stuff.

01:20:00You know,

01:20:01ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

01:20:03That is so good.

01:20:04You guys are really talented.

01:20:06You know.

01:20:06The only problem

01:20:07I got with the boy bands

01:20:08is the dance moves.

01:20:09They ain't changed

01:20:10in 40 years.

01:20:11Same stuff NSYNC,

01:20:12Backstreet Boys,

01:20:1398 Degrees doing,

01:20:14is the same stuff

01:20:14that Jackson 5 was doing

01:20:15in the 60s,

01:20:16that New Kids on the Block

01:20:17was doing in the 80s,

01:20:18that Boys and Men

01:20:18was doing in the early 90s.

01:20:19It's the same shit.

01:20:20Ain't changed.

01:20:21You can be a deaf mute

01:20:22and know what's gonna happen

01:20:24at a boy band concert.

01:20:25Every boy band concert

01:20:26is exactly the same.

01:20:26What's gonna happen

01:20:27is there's gonna be like

01:20:2820,000 screaming teenagers

01:20:29yelling your name.

01:20:31So you gotta run out

01:20:32from the back of the stage.

01:20:33You can't just walk out.

01:20:33You and a boy band,

01:20:34one heart,

01:20:35one soul,

01:20:35passion.

01:20:37You know,

01:20:37you're all one.

01:20:38So you gotta run

01:20:39to the other side of the stage

01:20:40and let them 20,000 girls

01:20:42know that you're there

01:20:42for them.

01:20:44So you gotta run out,

01:20:45then you gotta point

01:20:50at all 20,000

01:20:51and let them know

01:20:51you're there for them.

01:20:53Yeah.

01:20:55Oh.

01:20:57Then you gotta jump

01:20:59to the middle of the stage.

01:21:03Then you gotta give these girls

01:21:04an intense look

01:21:05like you're there

01:21:05for them intense.

01:21:07Oh.

01:21:11Then you gotta do

01:21:11a half a step

01:21:12and you gotta punch

01:21:13four times.

01:21:15One, two, three, four.

01:21:17Then you gotta do

01:21:18a half a turn.

01:21:19One, two, three, four.

01:21:21Then you gotta smile

01:21:21to all the girls

01:21:22and let them know

01:21:23you didn't forget about them.

01:21:24Yeah.

01:21:26Then you gotta come

01:21:26to the front

01:21:27like you're locked up.

01:21:28I'm locked up

01:21:29but I wanna be free.

01:21:30And you gotta let them know

01:21:31you wanna be free for them.

01:21:32Oh.

01:21:36That's all you gotta do.

01:21:38You can get

01:21:38for your homeboys

01:21:39to get that shit together

01:21:40tight.

01:21:40You can start a boy band up.

01:21:43No matter what song,

01:21:44no matter what group

01:21:45that shit will be perfect.

01:21:47You guys don't even believe me.

01:21:51I'll prove it to you.

01:21:52Fuck it.

01:21:52I'll prove it to you.

01:21:59DJ, go put on

01:22:00the Backstreet Boys.

01:22:00Yeah.

01:22:02Yeah.

01:22:06Oh.

01:22:15Cut off, cut off.

01:22:17Hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:22:19Hold on.

01:22:20Hold on.

01:22:21All right, this is gonna be

01:22:22a different group.

01:22:24Different song.

01:22:26Motherfucker perfect.

01:22:27Go ahead and put on

01:22:30NSYNC, DJ.

01:22:35Yeah.

01:22:37Oh.

01:22:37Hey, hey.

01:22:48Hold on, hold on.

01:22:50I can't remember

01:22:51answering that shit.

01:22:53All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:22:54All right, one more, all right, one more.

01:22:55The only boy band

01:22:56to ever put a twist

01:22:57in their shit

01:22:58was New Edition.

01:22:59Right?

01:23:01They did all the other dance moves

01:23:03that all the other boy bands did,

01:23:04but they dropped this.

01:23:06Because Bobby kept getting

01:23:07locked up two months.

01:23:08He's like, fuck this.

01:23:09No.

01:23:11But they added their own shit.

01:23:12New Edition did all the same

01:23:13dance moves up to this,

01:23:14and they added their own

01:23:15signature shit.

01:23:16You know it's a New Edition concert

01:23:17if they do this one dance move,

01:23:19but they do everything else

01:23:20just like all the other boy bands.

01:23:21Okay, I'll prove it to you.

01:23:29DJ, go ahead,

01:23:30put on New Edition.

01:23:35Yeah.

01:23:36Oh.

01:23:46Hey, you guys,

01:23:47thanks a lot.

01:23:47I appreciate it.

01:23:48This is my first name.

01:24:00I appreciate it.

01:24:01Oh, yeah.

01:24:06Oh, yeah.

01:24:12Oh, yeah.

01:24:13Oh, yeah.

01:24:14Oh, yeah.

01:24:15Oh, yeah.

01:24:16I know Gary Bustin' it out, Gary Bustin' it out, actually it was great, Bustin' up

01:24:35Prime, couldn't help, it was great, really great.

01:24:38My second.

01:24:39Oh, this is my first time.

01:24:40I'm going to go see him again.

01:24:43This is one funny mofo.

01:24:50Gary, Gary!

01:24:52Gary!

01:24:53Gary!

01:24:54Gary!

01:24:55Gary!

01:24:57He's a bomb, he's a bomb.

01:24:59I'll be back.

01:25:02We love Gary!

01:25:03Thank you, Gary, thank you, baby.

01:25:05The dance and Gary Owens, great.

01:25:07Gary's great, yes, he's great.

01:25:10Wonderful. It was big. I like that. It was big. Lovely. Lovely. He was the bomb. He was brave. He was off the hook one time. He was off the hook. That was good. He's sick with it. He's good. Money well spent. Money well spent. That's the best show I've seen in a while. A lot of people ain't funny these days. It was great. I loved it.

01:25:35Great. When he was imitating the boy band. It was the best part. It was wonderful. He was so funny. We truly enjoyed it. Oh, it was wonderful. Gary Owens. Gary Owens. He's the bomb. He's the bomb. He's my husband. He's awesome. Funny. I thought it was great. It was funny that show. Yeah, it was funny. Tell me if that's Gary. Gary's a funny motherfucker. No funny motherfucker.

01:26:05I've ever seen. New edition. Dancing. Boy band. Put it down. The boy band. That was a bomb. I happened to like boy band. That was fantastic. I thought it was incredible. Awesome. I would have paid more, but definitely. It was really good. It was great. Yeah, it was really good. How was Gary? Very funny. Hilarious. He had some nice pelvic thrust in there.

01:26:30The whale and the 12 foot penis was pretty funny. And the boy band was funny. He was great. Yeah? Hilarious. Yeah, he was awesome. He rocked our world. He's ghetto. Yep.

Gary Owen - Upgraded (12)

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