King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 2 And They Call It Bobby Love
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TVTranscript
00:00Music
00:12Music
00:16Music
00:28hey kid where's your hall pass you got me my name is ramon tavares i'm in mr powell's class
00:51ramon tavares why does your lunch bag say bobby hill because we can't spell ramon
00:59what did i say all right get going ramon bobby hill yeah oh you're good
01:12yep yep yep they dumped it right where we stand that's where we stand why would somebody leave
01:28a couch behind my house i know how it got here one of them firefighting planes scooped it up out of
01:37lake garland man you don't talk about him dang old urban legend with you man man he don't suck that
01:42like that fellow the toothbrush up that man's bottom man the truth too man happened to me oh
01:49hey look treasure yeah rubber band sugar cube
01:56have a little pride bill if we eat their garbage we're not much better than they are
02:06probably had a coffee table oh if this old couch could talk my name my name is hank taxpayer and i want
02:18that couch removed there are people who stand in that alley we talk well that's not really your business
02:31business is it sports mostly you know
02:36hey guys you gotta see this bobby do that walk again okay what are you talking about
02:38hey guys you gotta see this bobby do that walk again okay what are you talking about what are you talking about
03:05what's so funny about that it's adult humor connie i don't even get some of it
03:18it could be weeks before the city comes and hauls this away
03:30what you say something hank this is ridiculous i say we get rid of the couch ourselves
03:38bill what are you doing i'm drinking beer i'm sitting on the couch and i'm outside
03:47i'm just gonna take a break five minutes that's all
03:52that's all
03:56man what do you love sitting like about a bunch of dang old leo couch jockeys
04:00lazy on sitting up like a dead man look up in the sky man
04:03damn damn
04:05ah
04:07sorry man i don't
04:09dang old lucky pierre man
04:11come on hank
04:13all right
04:14but if i don't like it i'm standing right back up
04:20hello
04:37hello
04:38hi can i speak to bobby please
04:40i'm sorry you have the wrong number
04:43who was it dad
04:45a girl asking for someone named bobby
04:49oh
04:52hello
04:53hi
04:54does bobby hill live there
04:56uh hold on a second
04:58son it's one of your friends playing a prank
05:01hey joseph
05:03bobby it's marie
05:05oh
05:06hey
05:07a bunch of us are gonna hang out at the mall wanna come
05:10well i i did have a prior engagement but i can always tape it
05:16hahaha
05:37a
05:38a
05:39a
05:41a
05:44so what are you gonna get marie well i don't eat anything with a head on it
05:51well i'm a vegetarian bobby
05:55i don't eat meat my dad says if god didn't want us to eat meat he wouldn't have invented steak
06:05sauce your dad says that once bobby did you know that the average person consumes 500 chickens
06:14that's enough chickens to feed a whole starving village but they shouldn't eat them
06:20because that's bad i'll have the chopped salad please and i'll have the blt please
06:30that has bacon bobby bacon doesn't have a head on it
06:36could you make that a lt please
06:40night was fun bobby my friends think you're a riot
06:45i really was choking at the food court but don't tell them that
06:51hey there's a couch in the alley sit down
06:57you want a kiss
07:01well i'll try anything once i didn't think i'd like fruit pies but then i tried one and if
07:07your kiss is anything like a fruit pie i'm sure i'll
07:11all right see you around
07:19mom dad did you see the sunrise this morning it was the same color as my girlfriend marie's hair
07:39oh here's your coffee sweet meat
07:43reminds me of my girlfriend marie she likes to drink her coffee black too
07:51huh looks like they're finally gonna cut down the big oak tree that's in the middle of the ballpark
07:57i'm not sure what my girlfriend marie thinks about that i'll ask her
08:03all right bobby i'll bite why do you keep saying the word girlfriend
08:09because i have a girlfriend bobby has a girlfriend all right son
08:18she's real right i mean she's not imaginary or honest cereal box or anything is she
08:25no all right well i assume that she's your girlfriend just like joseph is your boyfriend
08:33peggy joseph is not bobby's boyfriend
08:37red alert the garbage jug's here
08:44you're not taking it
08:46sir can you ask this gentleman to get off the couch so we can do our job
08:50bill don't move a muscle
08:53good work bill all right but if you leave it out somebody's gonna haul it away
09:05go to hell
09:08so what do you want to do guys let's go bike riding
09:17that's boring yeah that's a little boring connie i mean maybe there's something else we all could
09:25do we could go shopping for clothes at the mall hey that's a great idea
09:31for quality purposes some portions of this telephone conversation may be recorded
09:40gribble residence hey dale i just phoned to talk about the couch
09:48you know just thinking about the couch
09:51bill this is so strange i was just about to call you about the couch
09:56yeah you know the only thing better than talking about the couch
10:01hey are you thinking what i'm thinking
10:04i'll see you out there all right
10:10i wonder what happened to your friends i don't know they were following us to the mall and then
10:22they were gone oh look the couch you want a kiss nah i gotta go you know
10:32marie the other night when you wanted to kiss i didn't feel like it but i did it anyway
10:40you have to respect my needs too okay whatever
10:56bobby
11:01okay bobby i gotta go
11:03oh good night
11:08marie
11:12can i have some rice and plain toast please my girlfriend marie's a vegetarian and she says
11:18ah there it is i knew this was too good to be true
11:23so she's a vegetarian she still likes lots of things i like
11:28like like kissing for instance oh my word hank talk to the boy
11:36bobby vegetarians can't be trusted just last week we caught one of them siphoning gas out of a
11:44company truck i was talking about the kissing he's too young you would think that but i am such a good
11:53kisser mom marie says so you should have seen it she bent my head back she
12:00oh bobby bobby you are only 12 you should be afraid of girls you're just jealous because you
12:08aren't as in love as me and marie bobby i really don't think you can compare a two-day infatuation
12:15to a 20-year marriage i bet marie and me have kissed more in two days
12:20than you have in your whole marriage you know i don't think i've ever seen you guys kiss your father
12:28has kissed me peggy i'm not afraid to show my love you are your father and i have done things you can't
12:37even imagine peggy please oh i'm flattered that you asked me to help you with your algebra homework
12:46connie uh actually luann i don't need you to teach me algebra oh thank god well as you know bobby has
12:59a girlfriend bobby has a girlfriend and i know it yes and well it's made me realize that i really like
13:12bobby what should i do luann well if you and bobby are meant to be then it'll happen i mean
13:22buckley and i weren't meant to be and that's why he blew up
13:30uh excuse me i have an outside couch what do you have to keep the squirrels away i'll check
13:37well peggy what are you doing hank remember how we used to hold hands in broad daylight
13:47come on honey hold my hand uh i wish i could but my hands are full see i guess bobby was right
13:55maybe we are afraid to show our love all right
14:00all right now get a room you two
15:15Ah, I get it. He's seen what we've done with it. Now he wants it back.
15:22Gribble, are you crazy? I don't want it back.
15:27Oh, hey, I got an old pair of boxer shorts you can use as a tea cozy.
15:31Want that, too?
15:32Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
16:02Bobby's Marie is 14 years old.
16:08What? Oh, God.
16:10That means when she was three, our Bobby was only one.
16:16It makes me sick just thinking about it.
16:32Hey, is this a make-out party?
16:34Because if it is, I'm prepared for that.
16:45Look, if the lady doesn't want to dance, don't make her dance.
16:51Hey, come on, kid. Move out of the way.
16:54Bobby, move.
17:02Marie!
17:04Bobby, what are you doing?
17:12Why were you dancing with those guys?
17:16I don't know. I like dancing. I wanted to dance.
17:20Who were those guys? Why were you dancing with all those guys?
17:26Bobby, they're friends. We were just dancing.
17:30What about us? You're supposed to dance with just me.
17:35And maybe some of your girlfriends, but mostly just me.
17:41Bobby, this is getting way too intense. We're only friends.
17:44I thought we were more than that.
17:49Bobby, you're a funny guy. You make me laugh, that's all.
17:54But we kissed.
17:57Yes, and looking back now, maybe that was a mistake.
18:02Mistake? That was the single most important thing in my life?
18:10Look, Bobby, I don't think we should hang out together anymore.
18:14Just tell me why you were dancing with all those guys.
18:19Goodbye, Bobby.
18:20You kissed me. That means we're back together again.
18:26Marie, come back.
18:30Look, I'm doing your favorite comedy bit.
18:33What are you talking about?
18:37What are you talking about?
18:40Somebody push you off your bike, son?
19:06Marie broke up with me.
19:09Oh, it doesn't feel so good, does it, son?
19:18No.
19:19I guess your love wasn't as strong as your father's and mine, now, was it?
19:24No, it wasn't.
19:26I kissed Marie on this couch.
19:37Now, Hank, that's not what this couch is for.
19:41Yeah, Hank, you know you have to put it to a boat if you want a family member to use the couch.
19:48All right.
19:50Uh, Bobby, I know it's not good when a girl breaks your heart.
19:56Uh, it's only natural to be sad.
20:06But the couch is a happy place.
20:09There's a tear in my beard.
20:21Well, he stopped crying.
20:22That's a step in the right direction.
20:25And the boy's taste and music's getting better, too.
20:28Mom, I'm never gonna make anyone laugh ever again.
20:46I don't want to be a prop comic.
20:52No, Luggy Bird.
20:54Not now.
21:01Look at it this way, Bobby.
21:04Tonight you're going out on a date with your parents.
21:07And we know how you like going out with people older than you.
21:13Oh, I'm on a date with my two favorite men.
21:16Look at me.
21:19A cup of rice.
21:24Plain toast.
21:26And I'll help myself to the salad bar.
21:34Is that her?
21:36Ah, now it all makes sense.
21:40She looks exactly like me.
21:44Dad, I want to go home.
21:47You can't let her get to you, son.
21:49If you leave, she wins.
21:51And dating's all about who wins and who loses.
21:55Yee-haw!
21:57Welcome to the panhandler.
21:59Would any of you fine folks care to take on our 72-ounce top sirloin steak?
22:05Finish it in an hour and it's free.
22:08I know, thank you.
22:11Yes, I would.
22:15That's a lot of meat, son.
22:18What happened to being a vegetarian?
22:21And I want it rare.
22:24Okay, the rules are simple.
22:46No one is allowed to help you chew or cut the meat.
22:50And if you get sick before the finish, the contest is over.
22:55Good luck.
22:55Let's give them a little encouragement, folks.
22:58Atta boy, Bobby. You can do it, son.
23:19Shovel it in, honey. Don't be afraid to use all your teeth.
23:28That's it, Bobby. 36 down, only 36 ounces to go, son.
23:38Tighten that slab of beef, Bobby.
23:44You're just making a fool of yourself, Bobby.
23:49Nobody's impressed.
23:51Woo-hoo!
23:52Come on, kids. Slice the water.
23:54Snake-eating machine.
23:58Snake-eating machine.
24:06otz-on-one-one-one-one-one-one-one-one-one.
24:14Holy, Holy!
24:20Oh, hey.
24:26Come on, Mom.
24:49Dad, we're leaving.
24:52Yeah!
24:56Very cute.
25:02Thank you, Arlen.
25:04Hey, you two.
25:05I'm trying to eat.
25:09Well, son, the worst part's over.
25:12And now you'll realize just how silly...
25:15Oh, the couch is gone!
25:17No!
25:18We didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
25:31Hi, Bobby.
25:33Oh, hey, Connie.
25:36Bobby, are you okay?
25:37Uh, me and Marie just broke up.
25:41Oh, yay!
25:44You're taking it pretty hard.
25:46You must have really liked her a lot.
25:49Oh, no.
25:51No, I just ate a 72-ounce steak dinner in 37 minutes.
25:57Oh, well, when you finish, do you want to come over to my house and watch some television?
26:09Doesn't have to be television.
26:11Why, I don't know, Dale.
26:18No!
26:19I didn't see a thing.
26:21Well, I bet the city just hauled it away.
26:26I know, Dale.
26:28I know.
26:29I miss it, too.
26:31Maybe it's all for the best.
26:36You know, we're starting to depend on that couch too much.
26:42Yeah.
26:43It's probably all for the best.