Mooch Goes to Hollywood (1971)
51 min | Comedy, Family | TV Movie
A dog named Mooch comes to Hollywood and tries to make it in show business with the help of Zsa Zsa Gabor (narrator).
Director: Richard Erdman
Writers: Jerry Devine, Jim Backus
Stars: Vincent Price, James Darren, Jill St. John
51 min | Comedy, Family | TV Movie
A dog named Mooch comes to Hollywood and tries to make it in show business with the help of Zsa Zsa Gabor (narrator).
Director: Richard Erdman
Writers: Jerry Devine, Jim Backus
Stars: Vincent Price, James Darren, Jill St. John
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hollywood, maker of Make-Believe, Land of Broken Promises, Lotusland, Cinderella City,
00:07Tinseltown.
00:08Hollywood, Hollywood weaver of fantasies, the dream factory hub of the entertainment
00:13universe.
00:21Hollywood that lures young hopefuls from town and village, factory and farm, all seeking
00:27the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
00:30For some, the dream is realized, for others, their hopes and aspirations are shattered
00:36on the shoals of despair, but still, they come.
00:42Behold them, dewy-eyed, innocent, vulnerable, a flood of femininity, a deluge of daintiness.
00:51Will they soar to stardom, find a permanent niche in the Hollywood heavens?
00:56Or like the moth and the flame, plunge like a meteor into the abyss of oblivion?
01:06What does fate hold in store for them?
01:08What is their destiny?
01:09Let us seek the answer through the eyes of one of these young hopefuls as we follow her
01:13quest of the impossible dream.
01:20A young hopeful like Mooch.
01:40Mooch is here, watch out Hollywood la-da-dee, Mooch has come here to stay.
01:50This town won't be the same again.
01:59Brothers may never quite succeed, Mooch will stay.
02:05She's a whole different breed.
02:09Best of class, no pedigree.
02:14Mooch has a dream, dreaming of stardom, to make it big in Hollywood.
02:28A facelift too, before she's through.
02:34Mooch is here, Mooch is here.
02:42Mooch darling, this is Zsa Zsa.
02:45I can see you are new in this city, so let me give you some advice.
02:49If you want to make a career for yourself in Hollywood, I will tell you what not to
02:54do, what to do, and when to do it.
02:59This is no good for you, keep your fur on Mooch.
03:03Ask Mickey, he'll tell you.
03:05No nudes is good nudes.
03:11And now you have come to what is really class.
03:17Look down at the famous names, written here in cement, they will last forever.
03:24In the old days they had the great premieres, it was exciting.
03:28All the stars getting out of their limousines, walking on the red carpet to the microphone.
03:34It's a marvelous picture, simply marvelous.
03:43Now wait a minute, it's a marvelous picture.
03:52Mooch, that is a good luck statue.
03:55Why don't you make a wish?
04:05Oh, I know this producer, he's holding a story conference.
04:17Look, I'll tell you how to make it in Hollywood, baby.
04:20Talent has like nothing to do with it, you know?
04:23Act and don't even matter.
04:25It's who you know in this town, and it's who you've seen with it count.
04:29Who you've seen with it count.
04:31Don't take her advice.
04:33It's not who you are seen with, it's who you are marrying, that's what counts.
04:40To make a career, darling, you must go where the producers, directors and the money men are, like there.
05:00Good girl.
05:03Good girl.
05:09Mooch, you're wasting your time, get into the brown derby.
05:21Don't be discouraged, try the back door.
05:28You do like the script, right?
05:30I like everything about the script except the end.
05:34Look, look, darling, there's someone to be seen with.
05:37It's Vincent Price. It's really Vincent Price.
05:41Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
06:00Quick, be charming.
06:02Tempt him.
06:04Tease him.
06:06Why should they wait when you know what I have to do?
06:08No, I can't be reasonable.
06:10Haunt him.
06:13Try tantalizing.
06:17Arthur does all my talking for me, Sam.
06:20Be sexy.
06:22Fabulous.
06:33Thanks for lunch.
06:35I'll call you tonight, Vincent.
06:37Here you are, Mel. Thank you.
06:44Kiss his ear.
06:48See, darling, it always works.
06:51Now that we've been formally introduced, Shaggy, you might as well sit up front with me.
06:57Congratulations. You've made it.
07:01Oh, I'm afraid he's broke. Look at his car.
07:04Poor Vince.
07:34Is this studio going to play that Hollywood game?
07:41She'll even have her own analyst.
07:47Mooch has a dream.
07:51She's on her way now.
07:55You better watch out, Hollywood.
08:00When Mooch rides by, the boy dogs sigh.
08:06Mooch is here.
08:10Mooch is here.
08:14Mooch is here.
08:17Bavaire Pet Clinic.
08:19Oh, this is marvelous.
08:24He's starting to invest money in you already.
08:27Let's face it. Every girl needs a little fixing up before she becomes a star.
08:31And darling, you need your teeth capped desperately.
08:47Hello. I'm Mr. Price.
08:49This is Shaggy.
08:51Is Dr. Hackett free?
08:53Yes, Mr. Price.
08:55If you'll just be seated, I'll tell him you're here.
09:25Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:27Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:29Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:31Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:33Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:35Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:45Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:47Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:49Woof, woof, woof, woof!
09:51Woof!
09:55Woof!
10:21Woof, woof, woof, woof!
10:23Woof, woof, woof, woof!
10:25Mr. Price, the doctor will see you now.
10:27Oh, thank you. Thank you.
10:37Woof, woof, woof, woof!
10:41Doctor, Mr. Price is here.
10:43I'll be right with you, Mr. Price.
10:45Yes, look at this.
10:47Just as I suspected.
10:49The canary has an ulcer.
10:51Well, then, what's the problem here?
10:53Well, doctor, I was having lunch at the derby,
10:55and he went, somehow or other,
10:57this kooky little mutt.
10:59Nurse, prepare the patient for examination.
11:01You know, I don't know how,
11:03but, well, she got into the car,
11:05and in a second or so,
11:07she was sitting right in the front seat next to me.
11:09Name the patient, please.
11:11Well, I call her Shaggy.
11:13Next of kin?
11:15Well, I guess it's me.
11:17You got papers on this dog?
11:19As I said, I was just leaving the derby
11:21when she turned up.
11:23This could get you in a lot of trouble.
11:25Trouble? But she's just a nameless little mutt.
11:27Look, doctor, the reason I brought her here
11:29is that, well, I have a kid
11:31who's writing me a lot of fan letters,
11:33and he is just dying to have a dog.
11:35Oh, I was reading in the medical journal
11:37about a case similar to this.
11:39A man picked up a dog who was an alien
11:41in the country illegally.
11:43Wound up in a lot of litigation.
11:45Finally took his house away.
11:47Is that how the canary got an ulcer?
11:49Huh?
11:51Well, look, doctor, all I want you to do
11:53is just examine her
11:55and make sure that she's all right.
11:57And I'll send the boy around to pick her up in the morning.
11:59Oh, it's all right, honey.
12:01It's all right.
12:03You're going to have a good home.
12:05Look, I'll come and visit you now. How's that?
12:07Oh, now, take it easy, sweetheart.
12:09Take it easy.
12:11I love you, but I can't keep you.
12:13Now, you be a good girl,
12:15and I'll come see you real soon.
12:17Bye-bye, sweetheart.
12:23Nurse, give me a hand here.
12:39Well, that's a man for you, darling.
12:41One moment of promise,
12:43ecstasy,
12:45then thrown away like a broken toy.
13:05Don't be sad.
13:07I stay with you.
13:13Don't be sad.
13:15Don't be sad.
13:41Darling, remember,
13:43you're the only one I can wish that comes.
14:13That was for Fang.
14:17Everybody loves somebody sometime.
14:21Why don't you take your little fur coat off
14:23and come on in?
14:27Look, it's the famous Playboy Club.
14:31I can tell you a lot of young girls
14:33have been discovered here,
14:35even for pictures.
14:37Oh, that's a bunny.
14:53Go in, go in, Mooch.
14:55What have you got to lose?
15:07Oh, poor baby.
15:15It always helps to change your type
15:17when you have been rejected.
15:19It's good for the morale.
15:38Darling, stay rejected.
15:51Whatever you have in mind,
15:53I must tell you the terrible news.
15:55There are very few parts
15:57for a four-legged strippers.
16:07Woo-hoo!
16:13Take it off, honey.
16:15Take it off.
16:19Keep it on. Keep it on.
16:21Keep it on.
16:35Oh, now we are getting lucky again.
16:37There's a handsome one for you.
16:39It's James Darren.
16:41It's really James Darren.
16:51Alleluia!
16:53Alleluia!
16:55Alleluia!
16:57Alleluia!
16:59Alleluia!
17:05I think I know what type he falls for.
17:07Nothing sexy.
17:09Be sweet, demure.
17:11Look what happened to Grace Kelly.
17:13She got herself a prince.
17:21More like Grace.
17:35Better go back to be sexy.
17:43You must get his attention.
17:51You must get his attention.
18:03Clever, Mooch. I couldn't have thought of it myself.
18:05Hey, what happened to you?
18:11Oh, you weren't hit.
18:13You're just scared, that's all.
18:15That's a good girl.
18:17Hey, does this dog belong to anybody here?
18:21Huh?
18:23No tags.
18:25Looks like you don't belong to anybody, do you?
18:29Huh?
18:31Let's see if you can stand up.
18:33You want to try that?
18:35Come on, sweetheart.
18:37That's a good girl.
18:39You know what, sunshine?
18:41I was just about to head for the beach.
18:43You feel like going for a ride?
18:51Wonderful.
19:07Compromise him.
19:09He'll never get out of this.
19:21Hey.
19:33Hey, Jim.
19:41Hey, would you wait here a couple of seconds?
19:43Hey, would you guys keep an eye on this dog for me?
19:47Hey, you be a good girl here. I'll be right back.
19:51He'll be back.
19:59He'll be back.
20:01Make yourself beautiful.
20:03Get a nice tan.
20:21He'll be back.
20:23He'll be back.
20:51He'll be back.
21:05You see, blondes have all the fun.
21:09Not always.
21:15Don't walk like a schlump, honey.
21:17There's producers all along this beach.
21:19Three girls have been discovered here already this summer.
21:25Here is an opportunity.
21:27Go visit them.
21:33Wiggle like they are wiggling.
21:49You pose too.
22:03Follow them.
22:19Follow them.
22:39You wouldn't want to make it in Hollywood like that anyway.
22:45What goes on here?
22:49I don't know.
23:01I bet he doesn't have enough money to buy a hot dog.
23:05You're wasting your time.
23:11You're better off as a skinny producer.
23:19Yes.
23:49Oh
23:53Huh
24:03Huh
24:11Huh
24:19Huh
24:25Your chiffon
24:35Hey sunshine, did you miss me?
24:43Gone Hollywood already, huh?
24:45Hey, if you take this off, we'll go for a little walk along the beach.
24:47Come on.
25:13Don't panic.
25:15I know you were here once before,
25:17but that's our little secret.
25:19Don't fight it. Be casual.
25:23When you're in the waiting room, flirt, flirt.
25:27Be nice to nurses.
25:29And if the doctor says he knows you,
25:31give him a cold nose.
25:41Huh
25:45Hi, I'm Mr. Darren. Is Dr. Hackett in?
25:47Oh, yes, Mr. Darren.
25:49If you'll please be seated, I'll tell the doctor you're here.
26:15Huh
26:29Huh
26:37He ate my gloves.
26:45Huh
27:05Huh
27:15Huh
27:23Huh
27:33Huh
27:39Huh
27:45Huh
27:55Huh
28:09Huh
28:15Huh
28:23Congratulations.
28:25You must be very proud.
28:37Mr. Darren, Dr. Hackett will see you now.
28:45Huh
28:47Huh
28:49You say the temperature's normal?
28:51Good, good.
28:53Now she's to have no solids,
28:55plenty of liquids, that's very important,
28:57and rest, lots of rest.
28:59I guarantee if you do that,
29:01she'll be back on her perch,
29:03singing better than ever.
29:07Dr. Hackett, Mr. Darren.
29:09Oh, yes.
29:11What's the problem here?
29:13I had a dog this morning while I was down at the garage,
29:15and she just kind of attached herself.
29:17Nurse, prepare the patient for examination.
29:19She's a great dog.
29:21You know, I took her down to the beach, and we spent the whole day together.
29:23Name of patient, please.
29:25Oh, um, Sunshine.
29:27Next of kin?
29:29Well, I guess me.
29:31I've seen this dog someplace before.
29:33I never forget a muzzle.
29:35Dog I'm referring to
29:37was brought in yesterday.
29:39Very sullen beast.
29:41Morose, neurotic.
29:43Oh, no, that couldn't be Sunshine.
29:45She's one of the happiest dogs I've ever seen.
29:47She looks pretty familiar to me.
29:49Of course, I wouldn't testify to it under oath.
29:51I remember a classmate
29:53made that mistake.
29:55Very famous case involving two St. Bernards.
29:57Even the casks were identical.
29:59Picked the wrong one,
30:01ended his career, took to drink.
30:03Horrible.
30:05Well, look, I was wondering, Doc,
30:07could I leave the dog here for a couple of weeks?
30:09You do take boarders, don't you?
30:11No, no, no. We have excellent facilities
30:13around the clock care.
30:15Nurse, send for the attendant.
30:17Yes, sir.
30:19Hey, hey, sweetheart, don't take it so hard.
30:21Listen, hey, I'll be back in a couple weeks.
30:29Uh, attendant,
30:31take this patient to wing
30:33five, please.
30:35Yes, sir. You be a good girl, you hear?
30:37And I'll be back to get you
30:39just as soon as I'm through with the picture.
30:41All right?
30:45Take care, Doc.
30:47Thank you very much.
30:49It's a pleasure.
30:51Bye-bye.
31:07Oh, Mooch,
31:09I had no idea he would leave you here.
31:11This is terrible.
31:13It's like the last mile.
31:37Meow.
31:57Mean old man.
32:07Don't give up, Mooch.
32:36Keep on trying.
32:37You're doing it.
32:38You're doing it, Mooch.
32:39You're doing it, Mooch.
33:05You're doing it.
33:06You're doing it.
33:07You're doing it.
33:13You did it.
33:14The world is yours.
33:15The world really will be yours, darling, if you can just get into that studio.
33:37That's it.
34:02This is where you really belong.
34:09Well, as God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.
34:33Underneath a lamppost by the village square.
34:58Guess who's coming to dinner?
36:28She went that-a-way.
36:57Mooch, go in there.
37:25This is Jill St. John's dressing room.
37:28And that's really Jill St. John's.
37:56If she advises you, listen.
37:58But remember, she's also a woman.
38:00And you are a competition.
38:05Hey, little dog, what are you doing in there?
38:07Come on, out.
38:08Come on.
38:09Don't send her away.
38:10Now, you stay right where you are, princess.
38:12You know, Mr. Albert, you mustn't be too hasty about these things.
38:15She could be a contract player.
38:17They're always discovering new talent, you know.
38:20Are you talented, darling?
38:31Well, she is.
38:32What did I tell you?
38:33She's probably even got her own series.
38:34Really?
38:35I'll only be a few minutes, darling, and then you can have the chair.
38:39Really?
38:41Don't think it's presumptuous of me, darling.
38:43But I think since you're new to the business, I should give you a little advice.
38:47Let's see your profile.
38:50Other side.
38:53That's it.
38:54That is your good side.
38:56Remind the cameraman.
38:58And be sure to tell him no close-ups after 4 o'clock.
39:02Really?
39:05Oh, and the eyes.
39:07The eyes mirror the emotions.
39:10Now, I know you have great inner depth, but the audience doesn't.
39:14Now, I suggest shading the lids with blue liner.
39:20Right, Mr. Albert?
39:21Oh, really?
39:23Miss St. John, ready on the set.
39:25Coming.
39:27You'll have to excuse me, Princess.
39:28I'm due back on the set.
39:30But we'll continue this fascinating conversation some other time.
39:35Dinner, cocktails.
39:36Call me.
39:40Owen, good luck with your series, dear.
39:49Oh, really?
39:52I come and I go.
39:56I could use a shampoo.
40:08You're beautiful, if I do say so myself.
40:19Diamond smooch at last.
40:22Now you look like a star.
40:38Now, it weighs 500 pounds.
40:43Yes, indeed.
40:45Have a drink, my dear?
40:47Yes, it's Jim Barker's.
40:49By George, it's Jim Barker's.
41:08Oh, you shine, boy.
41:27You're a blight on the landscape.
41:29Welcome to San Clemente.
41:31A New Year's Eve party.
41:33Get out the paper hats.
41:35Champagne, my dear?
41:37I even like the corks.
41:39Pow!
41:40Wow!
41:43Well, hello there, my dear.
41:46Oh, you're a beautiful little girl.
41:49You're all gussied up, too.
41:52Hey, whose dog is this?
41:54Anybody own this dog?
41:56Oh, you just wandered in, is that it?
41:59Hey, I'm doing a guest shot.
42:01And we need a dog that looks just like you.
42:04Would you like to be on television, honey, huh?
42:06Would you?
42:07Well, now.
42:09You're in show business.
42:11The star might break a leg.
42:13We'll dance our way into their hearts.
42:24Made it big, you're big in Hollywood.
42:28You're a star.
42:31All that hustle paid off.
42:35You're number one.
42:37You're top dog now.
42:40Get it on, Mooch.
42:44Lap it on up now.
42:48And you can hear your public say
42:53It was your style that drove them wild.
42:59Mooch is here.
43:01Darling, you made it.
43:03It's fantastic.
43:05In such a short time, look at the career you made.
43:08Oh, the Bevere Clinic.
43:29Darling, the people are all here.
43:43Oh, where did you get this haunted mob?
43:46This is Mrs. Magoo.
43:47Mrs. Magoo.
43:48Oh, she's darling.
43:50You know the TV special I'm doing with the D.O.G.?
43:52I want to show her to the producer.
43:54A great idea.
43:55You know, the casting office is right inside.
43:57And as for you, I get ten percent of the bone.
44:08Well, Davey, here he is.
44:09Penny!
44:12Well, Jim, at this party, you're really putting on the dog.
44:15Davey, you can do better than that.
44:17See, I told you they were all here.
44:19Oh, you finally got in here, huh?
44:21Yes, but not alone.
44:25She's adorable.
44:26So are you, Kathy.
44:27Oh, dear.
44:28Hello, hello.
44:29I want you to say hello to Mrs. Magoo.
44:31Encantado, preciosa.
44:32Encantado.
44:33Hey, Rosie!
44:34How are you?
44:35Meet Mrs. Magoo.
44:36Then here, have a potato chip.
44:38Oh, come on.
44:39Forget it for a minute.
44:40All right.
44:41Hey, Jerry!
44:42Hey, you're the guy I want to see.
44:44Penny, who's your friend?
44:45You know that TV special we're going to do together?
44:47Yeah.
44:48For the comedy spot, huh?
44:49Hey.
44:50She got any talent?
44:51Any talent?
44:52Watch her.
44:53A little audition, baby.
44:54There you go.
44:55Thanks.
45:06She's terrific.
45:07You know something?
45:08That dog will go far.
45:09Don't forget, I'm her agent.
45:11Hey, Perry!
45:14Remember, remember.
45:16It's who we are seen with that counts.
45:19I think a cigar would look better in his face, don't you see?
45:21It would go with it.
45:22It would look great on you, then, wouldn't it?
45:24It does.
45:25Yes, it does, doesn't it?
45:26It does.
45:27Well, look at our little pushdown guesses.
45:30Are you interested in our two?
45:34Well, hello there.
45:35Hey, Lucy, how are you?
45:36Isn't she beautiful?
45:37I adore him.
45:38Look at that long eyes.
45:39Hey, incidentally, never mind her.
45:41Yeah?
45:42Welcome back to Hollywood.
45:45Say goodnight, Vincent.
45:46Goodnight, Vincent.
45:48By far, don't you?
45:49Well, it's a long green habit.
45:50You do it all the time.
45:51Didn't I meet you in the beauty parlor?
45:55The world is yours.
46:03Mooch, this is what I had in mind for you all the time.
46:06Fame, fortune.
46:09Oh, there's Vincent Price.
46:12And James Darling and Joe St. John's.
46:25Hey.
46:31They recognize you.
46:32All is lost.
46:40It's Shaggy.
46:42Hey, that's Sunshine.
46:43Well, hello, princess.
46:46Don't you stand there.
46:47Hide.
46:49They will know you're only a mutt.
46:52Shaggy.
46:54That's Sunshine.
46:55Oh, little princess.
46:57I know, it's Mrs. Magoo.
47:00Sir, she fooled me.
47:01What are you doing here?
47:02That's how I never forget a muzzle.
47:04And Rick and Natalie.
47:05She rode all the way out from St. Boulevard.
47:11Came along and I could see.
47:13That's the dog I found at the garage.
47:16He fooled me.
47:17I thought you were a star.
47:20You're just a little came in and trashed the party.
47:24I know, that's the dog.
47:25Acting so badly that you couldn't believe it.
47:28You know that.
47:30We've been had.
47:31That little dog with the suit.
47:50Poor darling.
47:52To have come so close to the impossible dream.
48:06Moose, don't give up.
48:10Let's make one more try.
48:19Let's make one more try.
48:49Let's make one more try.
49:19Let's make one more try.
49:49Let's make one more try.
50:00I know this is not why you came to Hollywood.
50:02But darling, don't be sad.
50:05Show business isn't everything.
50:08And this will last much longer.
50:11This is Richard Burton saying.
50:14Farewell, Mooch.
50:16Wherever you are.
51:10You