NR | 30min | Comedy, TV Series | Episode aired 2 February 1955
After another incident due to Margie's obstinacy, Vern and Mr. Honeywell reminisce. They recall when Vern first courted his wife and his trouble with his mother-in-law, whose traits her granddaughter inherited.
Director: Hal Yates
Writers: George Carleton Brown, Frank Fox, Frank Gill Jr.
Stars: Gale Storm, Charles Farrell, Clarence Kolb
After another incident due to Margie's obstinacy, Vern and Mr. Honeywell reminisce. They recall when Vern first courted his wife and his trouble with his mother-in-law, whose traits her granddaughter inherited.
Director: Hal Yates
Writers: George Carleton Brown, Frank Fox, Frank Gill Jr.
Stars: Gale Storm, Charles Farrell, Clarence Kolb
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I just hope this teaches you a lesson, Miss Albright.
00:29Ha! The idea of closing out my checking account simply because my figure showed the bank owed me a dollar and eight cents.
00:36Treating me like a child.
00:38Well, apparently you are. So it's back to a piggy bank for you.
00:41From now on, you get your allowance in cash. Do you hear?
00:44Hear? From the way you were screaming around the bank, I was never so embarrassed in my life.
00:49You were embarrassed? What about me? I'm a director of that bank.
00:53And you whip up a big crisis over a difference of a dollar and eight cents between their statement and your check stubs.
01:00Is it my fault the bank goofed?
01:02I'm threatening to write the Federal Reserve Commission in Washington and demand an official audit.
01:07It worked, didn't it? They paid me my dollar eight, didn't they? That proves I was right.
01:11They paid you off because it would have cost a lot more to have an audit than to let you think a woman's arithmetic was better than a bank's.
01:19I still say my figures were right.
01:22Oh, I give up. I wish I knew why you can't be a reasonable, normal girl like your mother was.
01:27You mean I inherited my pixie blood from you, Dad?
01:30On the contrary. I was a sensible, hard-working young man, full of purpose, allowing no frivolity to handicap my drive toward success.
01:38Well, if you were such a stuffy... I mean, conservative type, then where do I get me from?
01:44From your maternal grandmother, for whom you were named.
01:48Grandmother Margie. What a character she was. And you're just like her.
01:52I wish I'd known her.
01:54She was a grand old gal at that. You know, it was through her I met your father and gave him his first job.
01:59Really?
02:00But like anything else your grandmother was mixed up in. It meant a rough time for all concerned.
02:06Do you know what she did to me?
02:08No, but I'm with Grandma.
02:10I was fresh out of Boston U and courting your mother.
02:13That was back in 1930, right after the big crash in 29.
02:17Oh, things were pretty tough, but Grandmother Margie managed to make them tougher.
02:21For me, anyway.
02:23And then, one day when I came to call her...
02:28Now, Kathy, I do think you ought to know more about this old bright boy before you lose your head completely.
02:34I know all I need to know, Mother. I love him.
02:37What I mean is, what's Vernon really like? What makes him tick?
02:42All we know is that he comes from Boston, which is a fine recommendation for baked beans.
02:47But not for a son-in-law.
02:49Now, really, Mother, he's good and sweet and kind.
02:54Sounds like one of the Rover boys. Sam the Serious Rover, to be specific.
02:59No spunk. No drive.
03:01He has, too. He's just as aggressive as the next one.
03:05Then maybe you'd better wait and marry the next one.
03:08Vernon's drive is strictly low gear, or he'd have found a job by this time.
03:12He's just out of college. Give him a chance. Jobs are hard to get nowadays.
03:18Well, you'd better be hard to get yourself unless you plan to live on love.
03:22And that's definitely a reducing diet.
03:26That's Vern now.
03:27He's early, isn't he? Dinner's not for three hours yet.
03:36Tennis, anyone? How about a love set?
03:39Vernon, careful. Mother's in the living room.
03:45Why don't you go in and say hello while I run upstairs and get my racket?
03:48Do I have to? I don't feel very comfortable with your mother.
03:51I don't think she likes me very much.
03:53Her bark's a lot worse than her bite. I'll be down in two shakes.
04:06Good afternoon, ma'am. It's a lovely day today, isn't it?
04:11That is, it isn't exactly lovely because it looks a little like rain,
04:15but it's a lot better today than it was yesterday.
04:18Of course, yesterday was pretty bad, too.
04:21That's what I like. No old coward dialogue.
04:25Well, I...
04:27So much for small talk. Now to business. Sit down.
04:30Now tell me, why are you playing tennis when you ought to be out looking for a job?
04:34Oh, I've been looking. I've combed the town.
04:37But you know what the situation is these days. Jobs are few and far between.
04:41So are the hairs on a bald man's head, but he keeps combing and hoping.
04:46Oh, I'll give it the good old college try. Don't you worry.
04:49I've got plenty of fight in me.
04:51I was a football star back at Boston U, and I guess you know what that takes.
04:55A strong back and a weak mind.
04:59Oh, that's very funny, ma'am.
05:01I'll tell that to the fellas at the next class reunion.
05:04Well, don't wait for a laugh, or you'll be too old to look for a job.
05:09Come on, Vern. Mother's taken up enough of your time. It's my turn now.
05:14If you'll excuse me, ma'am, it's been awfully nice talking to you.
05:18Young man, if you can say things like that with a straight face,
05:21you'll be a cinch in the business world.
05:32Hello, operator? Give me Manhattan 2134, please.
05:40Hello? Honeywell talking.
05:42Oh, hello, Margie. Glad you called.
05:44Yeah, I just found a buyer for that stock of yours. Good thing you hung on to it.
05:48That's fine, George, but I have something more urgent to discuss with you.
05:52Uh, personally, I'd like to talk to you about something.
05:56That's fine, George, but I have something more urgent to discuss with you.
06:00Uh, personal favor.
06:02Now, don't argue, George. It's not another one of my wild schemes.
06:06It's... it's business.
06:08Yes.
06:10No, no, I'll come down to your office right away. Goodbye.
06:19You and your dizzy ideas.
06:21Why do you have to involve me every time you start meddling in other people's affairs?
06:25I'm only asking the favor for Kathy. You know you're fond of her.
06:30Of course I am. Kathy is a constant source of wonder to me.
06:34I can't understand how she can be such a sweet, normal girl
06:38with a nut like you for a mother.
06:41Well, maybe I am, but there's nothing nutty about finding out
06:44what Kathy's young man is made of, is there?
06:47See if he's right for her?
06:49No, I guess not. All right.
06:51You want me to give this old bright fellow a job, so I'll do it.
06:55No, George, you've got it all wrong.
06:57I don't want you to give him a job. That won't accomplish my purpose at all.
07:01I'm going to tell him there's a job open here,
07:04but I want you to make him really fight to get it.
07:07Put all sorts of obstacles in his way.
07:09Test his perseverance, his ingenuity and aggressiveness.
07:13Margie, sometimes I wonder if you didn't cause the crash in 29.
07:22Now, remember, Miss Joyner, when this Albright fellow shows up,
07:26tell him my first open appointment is two months from now.
07:29Yes, sir. Mr. Albright a friend of yours?
07:31No, I never even met the man. I'm doing this for one of our clients.
07:34May I ask why?
07:36We want to see how he handles a businessman's first line of defense,
07:40the secretary.
07:52Good morning, ma'am. Will you kindly inform Mr. Honeywell
07:55that Vernon Albright wishes to see him immediately on a very important business?
07:59I'm sorry, sir, but Mr. Honeywell is busy and cannot be disturbed.
08:02Oh, I see. That's okay. I'll come back some other time.
08:06I'm terribly sorry to have bothered you.
08:09Miss, I'm a very determined man, and I've got to see Mr. Honeywell,
08:12so kindly make a definite appointment.
08:14His first open appointment is in two months.
08:16Shall I put you down for that?
08:18Two months? But I've got to see him before then,
08:21or Cathy's mother will fracture me.
08:23I mean... I mean, this is an emergency.
08:26I'm sorry, but two months is the earliest time to see him.
08:29I've got to see him before then, or Cathy's mother will fracture me.
08:32I mean... I mean, this is an emergency.
08:34I'm sorry, but two months is the earliest time to see him.
08:37I'm sorry, but two months is the earliest open appointment.
08:41Yes, Mr. Honeywell?
08:42Call the power and light company and tell them to come and fix this blasted heater in my office.
08:47Yes, sir.
08:48Tell them I'm a stockholder in their company and I want service.
08:51Have them send a man over here right away.
08:53Yes, sir.
08:54Excuse me, Mr. Albright.
08:56Oh, that's all right. I don't think I'll need an appointment now.
09:00Well, I must say I'm disappointed, George.
09:02I knew Cathy's young man was no fireball,
09:05but I certainly didn't think some snip of a secretary could make him fizzle out.
09:10I guess he just hasn't got what it takes.
09:14Wait a minute. Hold the phone.
09:20Power and light company, sir. Tracing down a short.
09:24Power and light company, sir. Tracing down a short.
09:30There's been a new development in the matter we were discussing. I'll call you back.
09:38So you're from the power and light company, eh?
09:40You didn't waste much time getting here.
09:42I never waste time when there's a job to be done.
09:44And speaking of jobs, I'd like to talk to you about...
09:46I didn't send for you to talk.
09:48I sent for you to fix that electric heater, so do it.
09:51Yes, sir.
09:52About that job...
09:53I'm going to call the power company and have you fired.
09:56Now, wait a minute, Mr. Honeywell. You don't understand.
09:58Shut up and get out of my office.
10:03I'll open it for you, sir.
10:04And probably break it, huh?
10:06Now, you get out of my office.
10:10Down!
10:17Well, you're Mr. Albright. You're not with the power company.
10:20Try and tell him that.
10:21Oh, I think Mr. Honeywell's giving you too rough a time.
10:24After all, wanting a job isn't anything criminal.
10:26You're right. I'm going back in there and get the job if I have to beat it out of him.
10:30In fact, I'd prefer it.
10:31No, wait. That would just get me in trouble.
10:33I know. Why don't you go around by the fire escape?
10:36Take him by surprise.
10:38By golly, that's a good idea. And thanks a lot.
10:40Believe me, when I'm the head of the firm, I'll not forget this.
10:44And, Margie, you should have seen his face when I gave him the old heave-ho.
10:48It was really something.
10:53Uh-oh. He's back for more.
10:55Now, you listen. I'm a stockholder in a power and light company.
10:59I don't want explanations. I want action, sir.
11:02What do I want you to do?
11:04Drop the boom on him.
11:06Oh, Ralph. Help Mr. Honeywell.
11:10Oh, Ralph. Help Mr. Honeywell.
11:13Oh, let me go. Let me go.
11:16I'll call you back, Margie. There's something caught in my golfing trap.
11:23Well, well. Had a little accident, didn't we?
11:28You did that on purpose.
11:31Just teaching you the first rules of business.
11:33Never stick your neck out.
11:34Why, you old...
11:36Now, you listen to me for a change.
11:38I'm sick and tired of you bullying me. Now sit down.
11:41Glad to, my boy. Glad to.
11:46I'm always willing to listen to what a member of my firm has to say.
11:49Okay. Now, first of all,
11:51member of your firm, you mean I got the job?
11:54You got the spirit. You got the perseverance.
11:56And I like that. How'd you like to start as the head of a department?
11:59Oh, that's terrific.
12:01But I didn't expect to start at the top, Mr. Honeywell.
12:03Now, what department am I going to head?
12:05Maintenance department. You are now officially the janitor.
12:08Janitor?
12:09Come along. I'll put you on the payroll.
12:16Miss Joyner, enter the name of Vernon Albright on the payroll starting tonight.
12:20Hours, 6 p.m. to 8 a.m.
12:23All night? Well, that's 14 hours.
12:26If you don't want the job, say so.
12:28Oh, yes, I want it. Thanks a lot.
12:30What's the salary?
12:32Salary? Did I say anything about salary?
12:34No. Well, then, see that you don't.
12:36I hate people that start whining about money the minute they start work.
12:39We'll discuss pay after your two weeks' trial period is up.
12:43Congratulations, Mr. Albright.
12:45Thanks. I guess.
12:56Miss Joyner, was that a paperclip I just heard?
12:59How many times have I told you not to waste paperclips?
13:02I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Honeywell.
13:07It won't happen again.
13:09Well, bully for you, sir.
13:11I'm happy to be associated with a man who pays so much attention to detail.
13:15I'm a paperclip saver myself.
13:17Albright, you and I are going to hit it off.
13:20Glad to have you on our team.
13:32Ooh, 7 o'clock. Only an hour to go.
13:48For heaven's sakes, Margie,
13:50why do you have to rout me out this revolting hour of the morning?
13:53Now, George, relax.
13:55It's the early bird that catches the worm,
13:57and I can't wait to get to work.
13:59It's the early bird that catches the worm,
14:01and I can't wait to get Vernon actually working.
14:11Albright, wake up!
14:12Oh, Mr. Honeywell.
14:14What's your idea of sleeping on the job?
14:18Good morning, ma'am.
14:19So this is the way you show your appreciation?
14:21And to think I recommended you to Mr. Honeywell.
14:24I won't blame you if you discharge him at once, George.
14:27Oh, no, please don't fire me, Mr. Honeywell.
14:30I've worked hard all night.
14:32Look, I've swept, dusted, and cleaned your floor.
14:34I filled your waste paper basket, and I emptied your ink wells.
14:37And see, I salvaged a good 10 cents worth of paperclips.
14:41Congratulations, Albright.
14:43Why, you're a born executive.
14:45Oh, thank you, sir.
14:46And now I think I'll go and punch the time clock.
14:49Just a moment, Vernon.
14:51Surely you're not going home.
14:53Why, yes.
14:54Well, you'll never get ahead that way.
14:56Stop watching the clock.
14:57I'm sure Mr. Honeywell will let you stay in the office the rest of the day and learn the business.
15:01The rest of the day?
15:03But I worked hard all night.
15:05I'll tell you what, Albright.
15:07You can work days as my office boy.
15:09Now go get a shave and a shower and be back in 20 minutes.
15:12Yes, sir.
15:27What happened?
15:29Oh, I'm sorry, Kathy.
15:31I must have corked off for a minute.
15:33Well, I don't wonder.
15:35Working in Mr. Honeywell's office for almost 24 hours.
15:38Now you just lie back and relax.
15:45Rise and shine, Vernon.
15:47It's almost six.
15:48Time to go to work.
15:49Now, Mother, Vernon can't keep this up forever.
15:52He just finished his office.
15:54He can't keep this up forever.
15:55He just finished his office boy job at five o'clock.
15:58Oh, don't worry, Kathy.
16:00I can take it.
16:05That's the spirit, boy.
16:07And think how lucky you are.
16:09With jobs so hard to get, you've got two.
16:17Well, Kathy, aren't you going to say goodnight to your budding tycoon?
16:21Yes, Mother.
16:25Vernon.
16:28Maybe you could meet me for breakfast at eight o'clock.
16:31I've got a half an hour then that I don't know what to do with.
16:33It's a date.
16:34Good night, Vernon.
16:39Really, Mother, can't you let us have a minute alone?
16:48See you in the morning.
16:50And don't be discouraged.
16:51Things will work out.
16:52You'll see.
16:55Good morning, Mr. Honeywell.
16:57Morning.
16:58What's the matter with you, Albright?
16:59It's a quarter to six p.m.
17:00Hurry.
17:01You'll be late.
17:02Oh, I'm sorry.
17:03I forgot which job I was going to.
17:05I'm slightly confused.
17:13I'm beginning to feel sorry for the boy, Marshal.
17:16I'm beginning to feel sorry for the boy, Marshal.
17:18I'm beginning to feel sorry for the boy, Marshal.
17:20I'm beginning to feel sorry for the boy, Marshal.
17:22I'm beginning to feel sorry for the boy, Marshal.
17:24How long are we going to keep up the act?
17:26As long as necessary to find out what he's really made of.
17:38I want to be sure he's right for Kathy.
17:41He's certainly not afraid of hard work.
17:43Yes, but can he meet an emergency?
17:45Is he a man of action in a crisis?
17:48I can't think of a bigger or more harrowing crisis than marrying into your family.
17:54I've got a dandy scheme all figured out.
17:57We'll hire someone to sneak into your office tonight while Vernon's working and burglarize your safe.
18:02Then we'll see how he handles the situation.
18:05Let some shady character burglar my office with a safe full of valuable securities.
18:09But George...
18:10No sir, Margie.
18:12If anybody is going to steal anything out of my office, it's going to be me.
18:16What am I saying?
18:18George, that's the cat's pajamas.
18:20Why didn't I think of that?
18:22You disguise yourself as a burglar and put Vernon to the test tonight.
18:26Oh, please. If you'll do this for me, I promise it's the last favor I'll ask.
18:31Oh, all right. Anything to get rid of your wild ideas.
18:35I knew you'd help me.
18:37Now, here's what we'll do.
18:47Oh, Vern.
18:49Kathy, what are you doing here at this hour?
18:51Is it time for our breakfast date?
18:53Vern, listen to me.
18:54Mr. Honeywell is going to burglarize the safe tonight while you're on duty.
18:59He must be awfully hot up for money to...
19:01He's what?
19:02Mother sold him on the idea to see how you'd act in an emergency.
19:06In fact, your janitor job in doubling his office boy is Mother's idea too.
19:10She's checking on her future son-in-law.
19:12Well, I'll be...
19:14Are you sure, Kathy?
19:15Yes, yes. I heard them talking.
19:17Oh, Vern, you've just got to think of something.
19:19Mr. Honeywell will be here any minute.
19:21Oh, don't worry. I'll think of something.
19:24Come on.
19:30When I get through with that old goat, he'll wish he'd never met your mother.
19:33What are you going to do with that metal wastebasket?
19:35I'm going to bring the situation to a head, namely Mr. Honeywell's.
19:40Oh, here he comes now. You'd better hide, Kathy.
19:44Oh, here he comes now. You'd better hide, Kathy.
19:47Kathy?
20:18I'll never teach you to burgle my beloved employer's office, you cheap crook.
20:22I'm going to call the police.
20:25Quick. Operator, operator, get me the police.
20:28I've caught a burglar.
20:33No, no. Don't call the police. It's me, Albright. Look at me, boy.
20:37Mr. Honeywell, you a burglar. I can't believe it.
20:40Oh, wait a minute. You don't understand.
20:42I understand all right. You came here to rob your own safe, to cover up.
20:46There is a shortage in your accounts.
20:48There is not. Believe me. This is just a joke. Kathy's mother put me up to it. I swear.
20:53Oh, that's a likely story. And this is going to look pretty bad when it hits the newspapers.
20:57And don't tell me it's your word against mine, because I've got a witness.
21:01You bet he has.
21:03I'll swear to anything that'll teach you and mother a much-needed lesson.
21:07Kathy, what are you doing here?
21:09Never mind, Kathy. You'd better figure out what you're going to tell the police when they arrive.
21:12Please, don't call the police. I beg you.
21:15Even if it isn't true, the scandal will ruin me.
21:18Please, I'll do anything. Anything.
21:21I won't call the police on two conditions.
21:23First, that you give me a job in your firm at, say, $100 a week to start.
21:28It's a deal, boy. Anything that you say.
21:31And second, that you help me get even with my prospective mother-in-law.
21:34That I'm heartily in favor of.
21:37Well, Kathy, I guess this will show your mother that I'm equal to any emergency.
21:41Now you go out and get a bottle of ketchup.
21:43Ketchup? What for?
21:44The first thing a bride must learn is never to question her husband.
21:47Now you go out and get a bottle of ketchup and be quick about it.
21:50Yes, Vern, a bottle of ketchup. I'll hurry.
21:53I'll show these women who the head of the family is.
21:55But, Albright, I...
21:56Shut up and do as I tell you.
21:58Yes, sir. Anything you say, my boy.
22:05Hello? Is that you, George? How did...
22:08What?
22:10Say that again, Vernon.
22:12You just shot Mr. Honeywell?
22:15Body on the floor? Blood?
22:18Oh, Vernon!
22:20No, no, don't call the police until I get there.
22:32Is he...
22:33Yep, deader than a mackerel.
22:35Oh!
22:37I didn't know it was Mr. Honeywell until after I'd fired the fatal shot.
22:40Oh, the poor guy. I caught him robbing his own safe.
22:43He must have been short in his account.
22:45No, no, it was all my fault.
22:47I killed him, not you.
22:49Your fault? Why, whatever do you mean, ma'am?
22:52I put him up to this. I wanted to test your mettle, Vernon.
22:56It was all a grisly joke.
22:59Well, your little joke has ruined four lives.
23:01Mr. Honeywell is kaput.
23:03And Kathy's life will be ruined because the man she loves must go to prison,
23:06along with her mother.
23:08Me? Go to prison?
23:10Well, of course. You're the accessory before the fact, aren't you?
23:13Well, I guess there's nothing to do now but call the police and give ourselves up.
23:23Hello?
23:25Hello? Hello? Operator?
23:28Operator? Operator? Get me the police.
23:32Vernon, wait. Don't call the police.
23:34Don't call the police? Why not?
23:36There's a better way.
23:38We'll dispose of the body, and no one will ever know what happened here tonight.
23:42Huh?
23:43It'll be easy. We'll put him in a sack and dump him in the East River.
23:47Dump him in the East River?
23:49It's the only way.
23:51I'll go get a burlap bag.
23:56Oh, no.
23:58She couldn't. She couldn't.
24:02You're right, Kathy, dear.
24:04Your mother would never drown an old turkey that's covered with ketchup.
24:09Ketchup? You knew all the time?
24:12And that's not all. I also knew you were the right one for my Kathy.
24:16Any man who can make George Honeywell lie down and play dead is my kind of guy.
24:22Well, that's my little mother-in-law.
24:37And that, as the old gag goes, is how I met your grandmother.
24:41Grandmother Margie. How I wish we two could have gotten together.
24:45We'd really have given you a rough time.
24:48You do pretty well on your own. After all, you got it all from her.
24:52Oh, not all. I think I'm a lot like you. I must be.
24:55Like me? What makes you think that?
24:58Well, to paraphrase grandmother's immortal words,
25:01any man who can cope with three generations of Margies is my kind of guy.
25:07Well, that's my little Margie.
25:18Margie!
25:48Margie!
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