Bananas is a 1971 film directed by and starring Woody Allen.
Fielding Mellish is a young neurotic and clumsy man who works as an industrial tester for a large company. One day he receives a visit from Nancy, an activist who convinces him to sign a petition for the United States to sever relations with the Latin American state of Bananas, which has fallen under the military dictatorship of General Vargas. Fielding is determined to impress the girl and the two begin to date, until Nancy decides to end the relationship because she considers him weak and immature. Determined to change his life, he then goes to Bananas, where once there he is invited to dinner by the new dictator. The latter's plan is to kill him and blame the rebels led by Castrado, but Fielding miraculously escapes the assassination attempt and is saved by the revolutionaries, whom he is forced to join against his will.
Fielding proves to be anything but suited to the life of a revolutionary, but when Castrado's men manage to conquer the presidential palace, the latter reveals himself to be a psychopathic dictator and the young American is appointed the new president. Returning to the United States in disguise to obtain financial help for Bananas, he meets Nancy again with whom he spends a night of passion, before being discovered and arrested for subversive activities. At the end of a surreal trial, Fielding is sentenced to 15 years in prison but the sentence is suspended by the judge on the condition that he never move near her. Nancy finally accepts his proposal of marriage and their wedding night is broadcast on TV with live commentary.
Fielding Mellish is a young neurotic and clumsy man who works as an industrial tester for a large company. One day he receives a visit from Nancy, an activist who convinces him to sign a petition for the United States to sever relations with the Latin American state of Bananas, which has fallen under the military dictatorship of General Vargas. Fielding is determined to impress the girl and the two begin to date, until Nancy decides to end the relationship because she considers him weak and immature. Determined to change his life, he then goes to Bananas, where once there he is invited to dinner by the new dictator. The latter's plan is to kill him and blame the rebels led by Castrado, but Fielding miraculously escapes the assassination attempt and is saved by the revolutionaries, whom he is forced to join against his will.
Fielding proves to be anything but suited to the life of a revolutionary, but when Castrado's men manage to conquer the presidential palace, the latter reveals himself to be a psychopathic dictator and the young American is appointed the new president. Returning to the United States in disguise to obtain financial help for Bananas, he meets Nancy again with whom he spends a night of passion, before being discovered and arrested for subversive activities. At the end of a surreal trial, Fielding is sentenced to 15 years in prison but the sentence is suspended by the judge on the condition that he never move near her. Nancy finally accepts his proposal of marriage and their wedding night is broadcast on TV with live commentary.
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CortometraggiTrascrizione
00:00:00Good afternoon. Wide World of Sports is in the Little Republic of San Marcos, where we're
00:00:07going to bring you a live, on-the-spot assassination. They're going to kill the president of this
00:00:12lovely Latin American country and replace him with a military dictatorship. And everybody
00:00:17is about as excited and tense as can be. The weather on this Sunday afternoon is perfect,
00:00:23and if you've just joined us, we've seen a series of colorful riots that started with
00:00:27the traditional bombing of the American embassy, a ritual as old as the city itself. Following
00:00:33that, the leader of the labor union, Julio Doaz, was dragged from his home and beaten
00:00:38by an angry mob. It was one of the most exciting spectacles I've ever seen. We'll probably
00:00:43have a videotape replay of that later on. All around, there are colorful flags and hats.
00:00:50And now the moment we've been waiting for is here. Everyone is getting quiet. The president
00:00:55is going to leave his office and walk down the steps of the palace. For that, we're
00:00:59going down on the playing area. Take it away, Howard.
00:01:05This is tremendous, Don, just tremendous. The atmosphere heavy, uncertain, overtones
00:01:11of ugliness. A reminder, in a way, of how it was in March of 1964 at Miami Beach, when
00:01:17Clay met Liston for the first time and nobody was certain how it would turn out. The crowd
00:01:22is tense. They've been here since 10 this morning. And, and I think I see the door beginning
00:01:29to open. El Presidente may be coming out. The door opens. It's he. It's El Presidente.
00:01:41Wait a minute, the crowd. El Presidente is walking home. He turns. He runs to the front
00:01:49of the door. He's going down. He's walked across by El Presidente.
00:02:00And down.
00:02:03It's over. It's all over for El Presidente. This reporter is going to get to him, if he
00:02:14can, through this mob, for one last word before he expires. As you can see, this crowd is
00:02:20not to be trifled with. They're in a frenzy. They're trying to get over to El Presidente,
00:02:25even as I am trying to do now. Would you people let me through? This is American television.
00:02:33Please, let me through. We're getting through now. Here we are. Here we are. Sir. Sir, you've
00:02:41been shot. When did you know it was all over? Fascist dictator. Well, of course you're upset
00:02:50and that's understandable under the circumstances. I guess now you'll have to announce your retirement.
00:02:55Well, good luck to you, sir. Good luck to you. And now, if you folks will bear with
00:03:00me for a moment, I'm going to try and get in a word with the new dictator of San Marcos.
00:03:05That's assuming I can get through this noisy and demonstrative crowd. I wonder if you people
00:03:10would let me through. I see the general off in the distance. A new dictator talking to
00:03:15one of his men. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. General. General, congratulations. General,
00:03:24Emilio Molina Vargas. General, a word from you, if you will, sir, for our viewers. For
00:03:31many years, I have waited for this day, but now I am the state. You may say that, sir,
00:03:37but many important diplomats contend that you remain the most hated man in the state.
00:03:43I will shut down the newspapers. I will train my soldiers. We'll find the rebels. The rebels
00:03:49may be in the form of democratic guerrilla factions off in the hills. No, sir. We'll
00:03:54find them. We'll find them. Don't worry. Good luck to you, sir. Thank you, sir. Well, you've
00:03:59heard it with your own eyes. Now we're going to have to see what the future brings. Right
00:04:05now, from the little dictatorship of San Marcos in Latin America, let's go back to Jim McLean
00:04:11in our studios in New York.
00:04:19I want the night, I want the night of love. Give me your world, give me your world for
00:04:40me. I want the night, I want the night of passion. Oh, my spoiled life, I want it.
00:05:11I want the night, I want the night of love. Give me your world, give me your world for
00:05:27me. I want the night, I want the night of passion. Oh, my spoiled life, I want it.
00:05:57Gentlemen, the Execusizer, the latest work in progress at General Equipment. It's only
00:06:03in the development stage at the moment, but it should be practical and in the market within
00:06:07two years. It certainly looks impressive. The Execusizer is a device to help busy executives
00:06:13get in their daily exercise without ever pausing in their crowded work schedules. As you well
00:06:18know, more Americans suffer heart attacks from lack of exercise. And do you know why?
00:06:22Well, it's because there aren't enough hours in the day to keep physically fit and still
00:06:26function effectively in one's business. This is Mr. Fielding Mellish, one of our company's
00:06:31research testers, who will demonstrate the Execusizer. Now, you notice every part of
00:06:36the body receives an adequate exercise and workout with this machine. The pedaling action
00:06:40develops the muscles and keeps the leg muscles flexible. When the drawer is pulled out, Mr.
00:06:45Mellish pulls the drawer out, you'll see a weight that has to be lifted on top of the
00:06:48desk, which exercises his arms and his back muscles. Now, you'll notice when he reaches
00:06:52for the telephone that they're both spring activated. Now, in that spring activation,
00:06:55both muscles in the biceps are given adequate workouts to sustain flexible arms. And on
00:07:00the back wall, you'll notice there's a handle for each arm, and as he pulls those handles,
00:07:04the back muscles are brought into action in a manner that keeps the back flexible and
00:07:07keeps the back strong. And notice the basketballs come in from the side of the machine, and
00:07:11the basketballs, as they're handled by Mr. Mellish, develop reflexes.
00:07:15Do you have any idea how many you can put out a year?
00:07:22Well, we'd like you to manufacture them. We can let you have the idea, we can let you
00:07:25have our patents, we can let you have the whole thing on a royalty basis. We can show
00:07:29you how to turn it on, we can show you how you can save money on a cost basis.
00:07:32And you think we'll sell them?
00:07:34No question you'll sell them. I'll tell you if you can get them in the executive's office,
00:07:37you can get them in the armed forces.
00:07:38Oh, boy, I'd like to do that already.
00:07:40No question in time you'll do business with the United States government.
00:07:43I'm not suited to this job. Where do I come off testing products? Machines hate me. I
00:07:49should be working at a job that I have some kind of aptitude for, like donating sperm
00:07:53to an artificial insemination lab.
00:07:55Every day we got to hear this.
00:07:57Why did I quit college? I could have been something today.
00:08:00So what would you have been if you'd have finished school?
00:08:02I don't know. I was in the black studies program. By now I could have been black.
00:08:07You're the consistent loser at the table.
00:08:10That's my weakness. I lose a lot.
00:08:11I don't know what I'm going to do tonight.
00:08:13Why don't you get a date? We'll double.
00:08:15Okay, I'll call Barbara.
00:08:16All right, have her bring a friend.
00:08:18Forget it.
00:08:19What's the matter? I had a date with a girl. She called it off. There's a doc strike.
00:08:22Listen, why don't you see what Norma's doing? She's always ready for action.
00:08:25Who?
00:08:29I got to bring her back.
00:08:41You're busy tonight?
00:08:43Some old friends are coming over.
00:08:46We're going to show some pornographic movies.
00:08:52You need an esche?
00:08:54Oh, you're cute.
00:08:57I'm busy.
00:09:10I'm busy.
00:09:11I'm busy.
00:09:12I'm busy.
00:09:13I'm busy.
00:09:14I'm busy.
00:09:15I'm busy.
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00:09:17I'm busy.
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00:09:25I'm busy.
00:09:26I'm busy.
00:09:27I'm busy.
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00:09:29I'm busy.
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00:09:55I'm busy.
00:09:56I'm busy.
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00:10:00I'm busy.
00:10:01I'm busy.
00:10:02I'm busy.
00:10:03I'm busy.
00:10:04I'm busy.
00:10:05I'm busy.
00:10:06I'm busy.
00:10:08Get a copy of Time Magazine.
00:10:11They'll take commentary in the Saturday Review.
00:10:16And, uh, let's see, Newsweek.
00:10:21I, uh, let's grab one of these.
00:10:27Take them all.
00:10:32Hey, Ralph, how much is a copy of Orgasm?
00:10:35Just put them in a bag, will you?
00:10:36Why?
00:10:37Orgasm.
00:10:38This man wants to buy a copy.
00:10:39How much is it?
00:10:40I'm doing a sociological study on perversion.
00:10:43I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:11:06I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:11:36I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:11:37I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:06I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:07I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:08I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:09I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:10I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:11I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:12I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:13I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:14I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:15I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:16I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:17I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:18I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:19I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:20I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:21I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:22I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:23I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:24I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:25I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:27I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:28I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:29I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:30I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:31I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:32I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:33I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:34I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:35I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:36I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:37I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:38I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:39I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:40I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:41I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:42I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:43I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:44I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:45I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:46I'm up to advanced child molesting.
00:12:48Come back.
00:12:49Back.
00:12:50Back.
00:12:51More.
00:12:52More.
00:12:53More.
00:12:54Back.
00:12:55Back.
00:12:56Back.
00:12:57Back.
00:12:58Back.
00:12:59Back.
00:13:00Back.
00:13:01Back.
00:13:02Back.
00:13:03Back.
00:13:04Back.
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00:13:06Back.
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00:13:08Back.
00:13:09Back.
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00:13:12Back.
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00:13:36Back.
00:13:37Back.
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00:13:43Back.
00:13:44Back.
00:13:45which is being ruled by a total military brutal dictatorship
00:13:48opposed to any concept of civil liberties.
00:13:50Would you sign?
00:13:52Sure.
00:13:55Oh, I'm sorry, I broke the point.
00:13:57Oh, well, that's okay.
00:13:58You wanna come in?
00:13:59I have a pencil, and I'll give you another pencil.
00:14:01Oh, good.
00:14:04Sorry.
00:14:04I don't know if you've been following it in the newspapers,
00:14:07but soon there's gonna be a revolution in San Marcos,
00:14:09and we feel that the United States
00:14:11should give full support to the rebels
00:14:12and not to the dictatorship,
00:14:14which, as you know, has been our history.
00:14:19May I ask, what do you do?
00:14:21I'm a products tester for a large corporation.
00:14:24I make sure products are safe and practical.
00:14:27Today I tested an exercise machine
00:14:29and an electrically warm toilet seat for cold days.
00:14:33Would you like some coffee or something?
00:14:34If you're hungry, I could open a can of ribs
00:14:37if you want or something.
00:14:38Oh, well, I, ribs.
00:14:39I'd love some coffee, but I have a lot of work to do.
00:14:42Oh, well, here.
00:14:43I'll make you some.
00:14:44It'll take two seconds to make some coffee.
00:14:45Let me ask you that.
00:14:46How can I find out more about your cause?
00:14:48Because I have a lot of spare time.
00:14:50Oh, would you like to volunteer
00:14:51for the volunteers for San Marcos?
00:14:54Is it possible to discuss that over dinner tomorrow night?
00:14:57It doesn't have to be tomorrow night, of course.
00:14:58I mean, I'm wide open for the next six years.
00:15:01Oh, well, I have to have a yoga class tomorrow night,
00:15:03and I couldn't miss that.
00:15:05Yoga, I love yoga.
00:15:07Do you really?
00:15:08Yoga, it's one of my great passions.
00:15:12I love Eastern philosophy.
00:15:14It's metaphysical and redundant, abortively pedantic.
00:15:21I know just what you mean.
00:15:24Have you ever read the I Ching?
00:15:27Not the actual Ching itself,
00:15:29but I have dabbled in Kierkegaard.
00:15:32Oh, of course he's Danish.
00:15:33Yes.
00:15:35He'd be the first to admit that.
00:15:37Yeah, yeah.
00:15:42You know, I was just saying to someone,
00:15:43have you ever been to Denmark?
00:15:47I've been to, yes, to the Vatican.
00:15:49Oh, the Vatican?
00:15:50The Vatican's in Rome.
00:15:52Well, they were doing so well in Rome
00:15:54that they opened one in Denmark.
00:15:57Oh, you know, I was just saying to someone the other day
00:16:00that the Scandinavians seem to have such an instinctive feel
00:16:03for the human condition.
00:16:05It's very wise, you know?
00:16:07That's, I think, pithy.
00:16:09Oh, well, it was pithy.
00:16:13It had great pith.
00:16:16Yes, pith.
00:16:19Pith.
00:16:21Well, listen, I have to, listen, I have to go now.
00:16:25I have a lot of work to do.
00:16:26I'd love to have coffee, but I really don't have time.
00:16:28I have a lot of bills to ring
00:16:29and I have an early class tomorrow.
00:16:31Well, just take a second, Maggie.
00:16:32I know, but I have more bills to ring
00:16:34and I have an early class tomorrow.
00:16:36Oh, really, you're a student?
00:16:37Yeah, City College.
00:16:38Oh, that's a great school.
00:16:39I ate in their cafeteria once.
00:16:41Oh, yeah?
00:16:41Yeah, I got trichinosis.
00:16:43Oh, I'm philosophy major.
00:16:45Oh, yeah, that's a wonderful subject.
00:16:47That's a wonderful thing.
00:16:48What is the meaning of life and death
00:16:50and why are we here and everything?
00:16:52You like Chinese food?
00:16:53Oh, yeah, that sounds, oh, when?
00:16:57The night after tomorrow.
00:16:58That's, no, I can't, I knew it.
00:17:00I have a meeting of my women's liberation group.
00:17:03You don't, you're not one of those,
00:17:04you don't have hostility to the male sex, do you?
00:17:07Oh, women's rights do not automatically mean castration.
00:17:11Oh, don't say that word.
00:17:14Oh, now I gotta walk around like this for two days.
00:17:17Oh, oh, I know, you know what,
00:17:18I'm that way on that word appendicitis.
00:17:20Oh, I can't take that. Castration.
00:17:22Castration, appendicitis, either one.
00:17:24No, there's a difference.
00:17:26Oh, no, there isn't.
00:17:28What about Saturday?
00:17:30Listen, why don't you take my phone number here
00:17:32and call me on Sat, oh, call me on Saturday, okay?
00:17:38It's those two pieces right there, okay?
00:17:41Bye.
00:17:42I may be bombing an office building, but I'll find out.
00:17:45Okay.
00:17:45Okay, it was nice to meet you.
00:17:46Nice to meet you, too.
00:17:53Oh, wait, you forgot to sign my petition.
00:17:59Sorry.
00:18:01Ah, Nancy.
00:18:03You may call me Fielding.
00:18:04I think Mr. Mellish is a little formal.
00:18:08Ah, the two of us together.
00:18:10Fielding from Latin, meaning strong or with strength.
00:18:14You'll come to lean on that strength after a while
00:18:17and to know that you can rely on me.
00:18:19I've always been a great champion of the underdog.
00:18:21I think anyone could tell you that.
00:18:23My pet.
00:18:27See, Nancy, I've always been devoted to humanity.
00:18:31To a guy like me, the greatest crimes
00:18:33are the crimes against human dignity.
00:18:36Ah!
00:18:37Ah!
00:18:38Ah!
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00:19:33Ah!
00:19:36Ah!
00:19:45It's a little light, Daddy.
00:19:47Let's get you dressed.
00:19:49Don't you have any candles?
00:20:01No, why?
00:20:02I just made them.
00:20:03The mood is not right right now.
00:20:05That's too light.
00:20:07It's too light.
00:20:08Is it warm in here?
00:20:09Warm?
00:20:10Warm.
00:20:11Oh where's the bathroom?
00:20:12Is it warm in here?
00:20:24Warm?
00:20:25Warm.
00:20:26Oh, where's the bathroom?
00:20:27The bathroom?
00:20:28Right there.
00:20:29Leave a little there.
00:20:49Leave a little there.
00:21:11There we go.
00:21:31I love you.
00:21:46I love you.
00:21:47Oh, say it in French.
00:21:48Oh, please say it in French.
00:21:49I don't know French.
00:21:50Oh, please.
00:21:51Please.
00:21:52What about Hebrew?
00:21:53Oh.
00:21:54I was, uh, I was always very shy when it came to girls.
00:21:59I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed
00:22:06in Braille, and I used to rub the dirty parts.
00:22:10And I, uh, I guess I had a good relationship with my parents.
00:22:15They very rarely, I think they hit me once, actually, my whole childhood.
00:22:21They, uh, started beating me on the 23rd of December, 1942, and stopped beating me in
00:22:28the late spring of 44.
00:22:30Um, I don't know, I was a nervous child.
00:22:34I was a bedwetter.
00:22:35When I was younger, I, I, uh, used to sleep with an electric blanket, and I was constantly
00:22:41electrocuting myself.
00:22:43It's funny, I had this dream that I've had since I was a child.
00:22:48I had it again one night last week, where I'm, uh...
00:23:18I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
00:23:49I, I have to tell you something, and I don't know how to break it.
00:23:53I'll feel it.
00:23:54Why?
00:23:55Is something the matter?
00:23:56Am I, am I, have you seen x-rays of me?
00:23:58I, I...
00:23:59What?
00:24:00I saw x-rays of you.
00:24:03I, I failed to see the uterus.
00:24:06Oh, you didn't see the x-rays.
00:24:08What?
00:24:09Tell me, what's the matter?
00:24:10No, nothing, I just...
00:24:11Because I'm, I'm white.
00:24:12You know when your heart beats?
00:24:13I know, I know.
00:24:14When my heart is beating.
00:24:15I know.
00:24:17I just don't think we should see each other anymore.
00:24:21Oh, really?
00:24:22Yeah.
00:24:23Why?
00:24:24I'm sorry.
00:24:25Why, what's the matter?
00:24:26There's just something missing for me, and I don't know what.
00:24:29I don't know what it is.
00:24:30What do you mean, something?
00:24:31Something missing from me?
00:24:32Yes.
00:24:33What do you mean?
00:24:34Like what?
00:24:35Like...
00:24:36Can you say what is missing from me?
00:24:38Well, no, maybe if you could guess a few things, I could try.
00:24:42What do you mean?
00:24:43Can you say, tell me?
00:24:44Something's missing, I don't know what it is.
00:24:45Is it personality or looks or something like that?
00:24:48Well, no.
00:24:49Am I not smart enough?
00:24:50No.
00:24:51I mean, is that what you're saying?
00:24:52Because I'm not...
00:24:53No.
00:24:54You mean that it is...
00:24:55Nothing to do with height or anything like that, right?
00:24:56No, it has nothing to do with the fact that you're short.
00:24:58Cavities.
00:24:59And it has nothing to do with the fact that you're not bright enough.
00:25:00And it has nothing to do with the fact that your teeth are in bad shape.
00:25:04So what then?
00:25:05What could it possibly...
00:25:06I don't understand.
00:25:07Has it got to do with...
00:25:08Well, it's not my personality.
00:25:09No.
00:25:10Do you have fun when you're with me?
00:25:11No, but it's not that.
00:25:14I mean, it's not that I don't have fun with you when I'm with you.
00:25:16Well, I mean, we laugh.
00:25:17We spend days, you know.
00:25:18Yeah.
00:25:19Don't tell me that we haven't laughed.
00:25:20No, it's not that we laughed.
00:25:21I mean, we laughed a lot.
00:25:22We laughed a lot.
00:25:23Certainly I laugh a lot.
00:25:24Well, I can't put my finger on quite what it is.
00:25:25Sometimes you don't laugh, I notice it.
00:25:26And I'm just left laughing.
00:25:28Something's missing.
00:25:29That's all just...
00:25:30Well, what's missing?
00:25:31Can you be specific?
00:25:32Well, the relationship isn't going anywhere.
00:25:33Well, where do you want it to go?
00:25:34I mean, it's got...
00:25:35Well, where could we get it to go?
00:25:36Well, that's not...
00:25:37I don't know.
00:25:38I don't know.
00:25:39I love you.
00:25:40I mean, that's...
00:25:41And then if I love you and you love me, that's...
00:25:42No, and it's not because I don't love you.
00:25:43Then you love me?
00:25:44No, I don't.
00:25:45That's what I mean.
00:25:46But that's not the reason why.
00:25:47Just something is missing.
00:25:48I need a very strong man.
00:25:49It's communication, right?
00:25:50Well, I'm strong.
00:25:51I need a leader.
00:25:52I'm a leader.
00:25:53I'm perfect.
00:25:54I have all the qualities of leadership.
00:25:55But don't you understand?
00:25:56I'm interested in so many vital political things.
00:25:57Me too.
00:25:58Me too.
00:25:59That binds us together.
00:26:00But I mean, I want to go and work with pygmies in Africa.
00:26:01And I want to work with lepers on a leper colony.
00:26:02I don't think that you...
00:26:03Are you willing to...
00:26:04No, it's perfectly okay.
00:26:05I love leprosy.
00:26:06If that's what you're asking me, I'm perfectly willing to.
00:26:07I like leprosy.
00:26:08I like cholera.
00:26:09I like all the major skin diseases.
00:26:10So don't...
00:26:11No, you're immature, Felix.
00:26:12How am I immature?
00:26:13Well, emotionally, sexually, and intellectually.
00:26:14Yeah, but what other ways?
00:26:15Well, then maybe it's my fault.
00:26:16Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:17What do you mean you can't give?
00:26:18Then why don't you receive and I'll give?
00:26:19I'm not ready to receive.
00:26:20I'm not ready to receive.
00:26:21I'm not ready to receive.
00:26:22I'm not ready to receive.
00:26:23I'm not ready to receive.
00:26:24I'm not ready to receive.
00:26:25Maybe it's my fault.
00:26:26Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:27Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:28Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:29Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:30Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:31Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:32Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:33Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:34Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:35Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:36Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:37Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:38Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:39Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:40Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:41Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:42Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:43Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:44Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:45Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:46Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:47Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:48Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:49Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:50Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:51Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:52Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:53Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:54Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:55Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:56Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:57Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:58Maybe I just can't give.
00:26:59Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:00Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:01Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:02Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:03Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:04Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:05Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:06Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:07Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:08Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:09Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:10Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:11Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:12Maybe I just can't give.
00:27:14Can you believe that?
00:27:15She says I'm not leader enough for her.
00:27:16Who is she looking for, Hitler?
00:27:17Women are very temperamental.
00:27:18We went every place together.
00:27:19We did everything.
00:27:20We fell in love.
00:27:21I fell in love.
00:27:22She just stood there.
00:27:23Did you have trouble with her in bed?
00:27:24Are you kidding?
00:27:25Do I look like the kind of guy
00:27:26that would have trouble in bed?
00:27:27I didn't.
00:27:28I didn't.
00:27:29Well, is that any reason to quit the job?
00:27:30I'm so depressed.
00:27:31I'd kill myself if I were you.
00:27:32I'm so depressed.
00:27:33I'm so depressed.
00:27:34I'm so depressed.
00:27:35I'm so depressed.
00:27:36I'm so depressed.
00:27:37I'm so depressed.
00:27:38I'm so depressed.
00:27:39I'm so depressed.
00:27:40I'm so depressed.
00:27:41I'm so depressed.
00:27:42I'd kill myself if I thought
00:27:43that she would marry me.
00:27:44I'd kill myself if I thought
00:27:45that she would marry me.
00:27:46Well, what are you going to do?
00:27:47I got to get out of here.
00:27:48I'm going down to San Marcos.
00:27:49We were going to go down there
00:27:50together on a trip.
00:27:51We were going to write a paper on it.
00:27:52She was going to write it.
00:27:53I was going to type it.
00:27:54I got to see what conditions
00:27:55down there are like.
00:27:56Jesus, life is so cruel.
00:27:57See what I mean?
00:27:58Hi, Mom.
00:27:59Hi, Dad.
00:28:00Building.
00:28:01I didn't mean to disturb you.
00:28:02Bunch.
00:28:03But I want to talk to you
00:28:04about something.
00:28:05What?
00:28:06I want to talk to you
00:28:07about something.
00:28:08What?
00:28:09I want to talk to you
00:28:10about something.
00:28:12I want to tell you
00:28:13that tomorrow I'm going to be
00:28:14going out of the country
00:28:15for a while.
00:28:16What?
00:28:17Why are you going
00:28:18out of the country now?
00:28:19Leave him alone.
00:28:20It's a very long story.
00:28:21It's got to do with a girl.
00:28:22So what are you going to do?
00:28:23I just have to get away from it.
00:28:24I'm going down to South America
00:28:25to go to a little country
00:28:26called San Marcos.
00:28:27I've never heard of it, dear.
00:28:28It's a tiny little town.
00:28:29For a sec.
00:28:30For a sec, Ruth.
00:28:31Are there any nice people there?
00:28:32Nice?
00:28:33Well, it's a turbulent situation
00:28:34and I've been following it
00:28:35for a while.
00:28:36Sure, you've been following
00:28:37it for a while.
00:28:38I've been following it
00:28:39for a while.
00:28:40I've been following it
00:28:41for a while.
00:28:42Sure, you've been following it.
00:28:43You should have stood in school
00:28:44or you should have followed
00:28:45a study.
00:28:46Don't get mad, Martin.
00:28:47Will you stay out
00:28:48of this, please?
00:28:49Quiet.
00:28:50Ruth, don't talk to him
00:28:51about going away.
00:28:52Talk to him about
00:28:53going to college
00:28:54to become a doctor.
00:28:55Who am I going to leave
00:28:56this hospital to?
00:28:57Will you cool it, Martin?
00:28:58Don't get on his back.
00:28:59Let him alone.
00:29:00Ruth.
00:29:01Ruth.
00:29:02Ruth.
00:29:03Ruth.
00:29:04We've been married
00:29:0527 years.
00:29:06My name isn't Martin.
00:29:07It's Al.
00:29:08Al Mellish, remember?
00:29:09I wanted my son
00:29:10to be a great surgeon.
00:29:11I have no aptitude.
00:29:12Yes, you do, son.
00:29:13He has no aptitude.
00:29:14Listen to me, son.
00:29:15You can do this.
00:29:16You can be a fine surgeon.
00:29:17Oh, no.
00:29:18Look, take over.
00:29:19Give me a clamp.
00:29:20No, fielding.
00:29:21Quickly, give me a clamp.
00:29:22Clamp, clamp, clamp.
00:29:23Right, give me that.
00:29:24Here, take this, son.
00:29:25Oh, Martin.
00:29:26Finish this operation
00:29:27for me.
00:29:28No, Martin.
00:29:29I can't.
00:29:30Fielding.
00:29:31It's ridiculous.
00:29:32Why are you forcing fielding?
00:29:33The name is Al.
00:29:34They're so ridiculous.
00:29:35I like this.
00:29:36He might have
00:29:37lost the field.
00:29:38You know fielding.
00:29:39Ask for a sponge.
00:29:40Jesus.
00:29:41I'll finish this one.
00:29:42That's better.
00:29:43I didn't even wash.
00:29:44Put it in there.
00:29:45Right there.
00:29:46I've got it in there.
00:29:47Now take a clamp
00:29:48and take it out.
00:29:49Right there.
00:29:50Should that be blue like that?
00:29:51Right there.
00:29:52Fielding, go.
00:29:53Wait one second.
00:29:54God bless you, but go.
00:29:55I'm doing the best
00:29:56I can.
00:29:57He's pressuring me.
00:29:58And write us.
00:29:59Yes!
00:30:00Put your finger
00:30:01right there.
00:30:02Fielding, get out of here.
00:30:03Fielding, well.
00:30:05To South America
00:30:06tomorrow.
00:30:07Go.
00:30:08God bless you.
00:30:11Go, you're in the hands.
00:30:12I've got to go.
00:30:13You're losing the patient
00:30:14while we're talking.
00:30:15Marten.
00:30:16Nurse.
00:30:17Please do.
00:30:18Listen to me.
00:30:19Incidentally do you think
00:30:20you could get me out of here
00:30:21by 7 o'clock tonight?
00:30:22I don't know.
00:30:23I'm going to the theater.
00:30:24¶¶
00:30:32And now, as is our annual custom, each citizen of San Marcos will come up here and present
00:30:52His Excellency with his weight in horse manure.
00:30:57Horse manure? I thought they were diamonds.
00:31:00We are an agrarian country.
00:31:01Yes, but horse manure...
00:31:02You will fertilize your personal crops.
00:31:05Sometimes food is more valuable than gold.
00:31:31I want a night, I want a night of passion, Oh, my spoiled life, I want it, ah, ah.
00:31:53I want a night, I want a night of passion, Oh, my spoiled life, I want it, ah, ah.
00:31:54I want a night, I want a night of passion, Oh, my spoiled life, I want it, ah, ah.
00:32:06We captured this rebel soldier this morning, Excellency.
00:32:10Has he given us any information about when they plan to strike?
00:32:13Not yet, but he will when our men get through working in Moga.
00:32:18Crap, crap, crap along the highway, Crap, crap, crap, the road is free.
00:32:24We keep playing for him the entire score of Naughty Marietta, it will make him buck.
00:32:30Please, no more, I can't stand Operetta, please.
00:32:35Stop, you fool, or we'll stop the phonogram.
00:32:38I talk, I talk, but please cut it off, please.
00:32:42When is the revolution set for?
00:32:45First week of July.
00:32:47You are a liar, that's only two months away.
00:32:50No, no, Esposito is timing it to coincide with the American 4th of July.
00:32:57So as to imitate his hero, George Washington.
00:33:01Where does he get enough weaponry?
00:33:03Esposito has a way of getting weapons, but I do not know the plan.
00:33:08Time is getting short, but I have a plan.
00:33:16Knock, knock, knock.
00:33:25His Excellency Emilio Molina Vargas requests the pleasure of your company at dinner this evening.
00:33:30What?
00:33:31Dinner at the Palace, 8pm.
00:33:39Dinner with Vargas?
00:33:42Dinner with the President?
00:33:46Dinner with the President.
00:33:49Dinner with the President.
00:34:01Oh, excuse me, senor.
00:34:03I was trying to find some place for practice.
00:34:16Ah, Senor Fielden.
00:34:21This is Colonel Diaz, Lieutenant Arroyo.
00:34:25Senor Fielden, may I say what a great pleasure it is to entertain an American intellectual.
00:34:30It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:34:32It's a pleasure to meet you, too.
00:34:34It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:34:36It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:34:38It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:34:40It's a pleasure to meet you.
00:34:42A great pleasure is to entertain an American intellectual.
00:34:45Somebody with whom I can exchange contemporary political ideas and opinions.
00:34:50I brought you some cake.
00:34:51Oh, thank you very much.
00:34:56Oh, these are prawns. I like cherry.
00:34:59Oh, they'll make cherry on Tuesday.
00:35:02Senor Fielden, dinner is served.
00:35:04Would you please?
00:35:33Maybe some poison in my food.
00:35:35But I am okay.
00:35:37I have been poisoned so many times, I have developed an immunity.
00:35:42Oh.
00:36:12You are not tense, are you?
00:36:14Tense? No.
00:36:28Dinner was delicious.
00:36:29Thank you, sir.
00:36:30Check, sir.
00:36:33Who had the roast beef?
00:36:35I have.
00:36:36It's 12.60.
00:36:38Who had the corned beef and cabbage here?
00:36:39That was mine.
00:36:40I don't understand something.
00:36:42What?
00:36:43There's two roast beefs on here.
00:36:45What did you have?
00:36:46Chili con carne.
00:36:47Chili con carne.
00:36:48Well, there's two roast beefs.
00:36:49There's an extra roast beef.
00:36:50Well, I have only one roast beef.
00:36:51Well, here.
00:36:52There's one chili.
00:36:53There's two roast beefs.
00:36:54But who had the chili?
00:36:55I had the chili.
00:36:56Then?
00:36:57You and Diners Club.
00:36:58You have Bank of America?
00:37:00Uh, yes.
00:37:02All right.
00:37:03Here you go.
00:37:04Here.
00:37:05Let's go to the salon for a band.
00:37:13Can you keep it down?
00:37:14I'm getting a headache.
00:37:16And so I want to do only what is right for my people.
00:37:22That is to protect them from communism.
00:37:26I am sure you understand that.
00:37:28Yes, but Esposito and his rebels are not communists.
00:37:31They are communists.
00:37:32Well, I think I know a little bit about politics.
00:37:38Get up.
00:37:39Excuse me.
00:37:41If I give a better life to my people,
00:37:44I have to exterminate a few troublemakers.
00:37:49That's the price we pay.
00:37:52I gotta be going.
00:37:54It's late for me.
00:37:55It has been a real pleasure to have this little chat with you.
00:38:00Viva San Marcos.
00:38:01Viva.
00:38:02Viva.
00:38:11He's perfect.
00:38:12I could kill him now.
00:38:15He brings cake for a group of people.
00:38:17He doesn't even bring an assortment.
00:38:19You cannot forget that.
00:38:21No, no.
00:38:22We'll kill him as planned.
00:38:24Dressed as rebels.
00:38:26Then an outraged United States
00:38:28will see how we do it.
00:38:30We'll kill him.
00:38:31We'll kill him.
00:38:32We'll kill him.
00:38:33We'll kill him.
00:38:34We'll kill him.
00:38:35We'll kill him.
00:38:36We'll kill him.
00:38:37We'll kill him.
00:38:38We'll kill him.
00:38:39We'll see how bloodthirsty beasts Esposito and his men are
00:38:43and we'll get all the support we need.
00:38:46When can our men get the rebel uniforms?
00:38:48I spoke with the tailors.
00:38:50He's going on vacation
00:38:51and then he needs three days for the alterations.
00:38:53Too long.
00:38:54We'll get another tailor.
00:38:55But he does such nice work.
00:38:57Take a look at his jacket.
00:38:58It's much too big.
00:39:00He took it in for me
00:39:01and he doesn't even charge much.
00:39:02No, no, no.
00:39:03We'll get another tailor.
00:39:05I want it to look
00:39:06like the rebels kill him
00:39:08not later than tomorrow afternoon.
00:39:14Here he comes.
00:39:15I don't feel good in this clothes.
00:39:17How do I? He made cuffs in my pants.
00:39:20What kind of tailoring is this?
00:39:22He's not our regular man.
00:39:23Do the best you can.
00:40:09So long, suckers.
00:40:16Hey, wake up.
00:40:17Esposito wants to see you.
00:40:18You all right?
00:40:19Hey, wake up.
00:40:21Hey, you, wake up.
00:40:22You're failing.
00:40:23Esposito wants to see you.
00:40:25Where am I?
00:40:27Please, no more Polish women.
00:40:30How about we were in the rebel camp with Esposito?
00:40:33Blood.
00:40:34It should be on the inside.
00:40:36Esposito wants to see you. Come on.
00:40:38Esposito tried to kill me.
00:40:40No, it was Vargas that tried to kill you.
00:40:42Yes.
00:40:43But in the uniform of our people.
00:40:44So your government would blame Esposito?
00:40:46Come on, come on.
00:41:06I'm feeling malice.
00:41:18Vargas has told everyone that you are dead.
00:41:21That he killed you.
00:41:23It is in all the newspapers.
00:41:25Yeah, well, I'm very much alive,
00:41:27and I mean to lodge a formal complaint.
00:41:29A complaint?
00:41:30Yes, you cannot bash in the head of an American citizen
00:41:33without written permission from the State Department.
00:41:35Vargas cares very little for diplomatic procedures, my friend.
00:41:39Yeah, well, we'll straighten him out.
00:41:41I'm afraid you cannot leave here.
00:41:43What?
00:41:44He uses you to make a big propaganda against us.
00:41:47The one thing he doesn't want is for you to show up
00:41:50and tell the world the truth.
00:41:52So, what do you think will happen if you show your face
00:41:55any place but here?
00:41:57He will cut your throat and bury you.
00:42:00Cut my throat?
00:42:02You realize what that will do to my gargling?
00:42:04It is war, my friend.
00:42:07Yeah, but I'm an American citizen.
00:42:09Sure, a dead one.
00:42:11And just how long will it be before I can go back to New York?
00:42:13After we win the revolution, we are free.
00:42:16And when is the revolution?
00:42:18Six months.
00:42:19Six months? I got a rented car.
00:42:21You have a chance to die for freedom.
00:42:24Yes, well, freedom is wonderful.
00:42:26On the other hand, if you're dead,
00:42:28it's a tremendous drawback to your sex life.
00:42:30Are you such a sniveling dog?
00:42:32Depends what you mean by such.
00:42:33I mean, I'm a good-sized sniveling dog.
00:42:37History sometimes chooses strange ways.
00:42:40Today, you are fearful.
00:42:43Perhaps one day, you will be a tiger.
00:42:46Don't hold your breath.
00:42:48If you ever need a squirrel, call me.
00:42:51All right, men.
00:42:53Let us sing the song of the rebels.
00:42:56Rebels are we, born to be free,
00:42:59just like the fish in the sea.
00:43:15I'll have the grapefruit sections,
00:43:17two poached eggs, cinnamon toast,
00:43:20and a regular coffee.
00:43:27Perfect.
00:43:33And what the hell is this stuff, anyhow?
00:43:35Lizard.
00:43:56One, two.
00:43:59One, two.
00:44:02One, two.
00:44:05One, two.
00:44:08One, two.
00:44:11One, two.
00:44:14One, two.
00:44:17One, two.
00:44:20One, two.
00:44:23One, two.
00:44:25One, two.
00:44:27One, two.
00:44:29One, two.
00:44:31One, two.
00:44:51Camouflage can often save your life.
00:44:54It's essential that you learn the art.
00:44:58♪
00:45:22In the event of snakebite.
00:45:24You make a decision.
00:45:26Remember, you suck out the poison.
00:45:29What do you do?
00:45:30Suck out the poison.
00:45:32Suck out the poison.
00:45:35Suck out the poison.
00:45:37I will not, I cannot suck anybody's leg who I'm not engaged to.
00:45:57Snakebite! I got bitten by a snake! I got bitten by a snake!
00:46:02Help! Snakebite! Help!
00:46:14Our food has run out. We must make a raid on the town.
00:46:17It will be very risky.
00:46:19You must not go, it is too dangerous.
00:46:21I do not mind the risk.
00:46:23Another will lead the raid, not our future president.
00:46:27What about sending Phineas?
00:46:29Me?
00:46:30The men have a growing respect for you.
00:46:32There is a chance to prove yourself.
00:46:34Paul, look, I don't want to prove anything.
00:46:36You will fight a hero, and if necessary, you will die a hero.
00:46:40You better get some rest, Luis. You're beginning to talk gibberish.
00:46:44The short straw will go.
00:46:54Well, as long as it was fair.
00:46:57Yes? Coffee, please.
00:47:28I also want something to go.
00:47:30Yes.
00:47:32Do you have any grilled cheese sandwiches?
00:47:34Yes, sir.
00:47:35Let me have a thousand.
00:47:38And 300 tuna fish and 200 bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches.
00:47:45You want the cheese on rye?
00:47:47490 on rye.
00:47:49Let me have 110 on whole wheat and 300 on white bread.
00:47:54Fernandez, one on rye.
00:47:57One on rye.
00:47:59And the tuna?
00:48:01All the tuna on whole wheat and all the bacon, lettuce and tomato, let me have on toast.
00:48:06All right.
00:48:08And what to drink?
00:48:12Let me have 700 regular coffees, 500 Cokes and a thousand 7-ups.
00:48:19And also, coleslaw for 900 men.
00:48:22Right.
00:48:24You want anything with these sandwiches?
00:48:27Mayonnaise on the side.
00:48:31Right.
00:48:45Everything is ready, sir.
00:48:47Which one is the roll?
00:48:49I have it right here.
00:48:51And what about the coleslaw?
00:48:53It's coming, sir.
00:48:55Adelante.
00:48:59Coleslaw, sir.
00:49:08That would be 22,000 pesos, sir.
00:49:11Get your money from Vargas. We're the rebels.
00:49:13Let's go. Move this out. Come on.
00:49:21Let's go.
00:49:51Let's go.
00:50:21Let's go.
00:50:51Let's go.
00:51:21Let's go.
00:51:51Let's go.
00:52:21When we carry out the diversionary raid, you three will kidnap the British ambassador.
00:52:28He will be held until Vargas agrees to free the sympathizers he has jailed.
00:52:33I will drive.
00:52:35You two will seize him.
00:52:37And you will inject him with a sodium pentazole.
00:52:40Now, once he's asleep, there will be no trouble.
00:52:51Let's go.
00:53:21Let's go.
00:53:51Let's go.
00:54:21Let's go.
00:54:52Should they attack? Our men are ready.
00:54:56They are too weak to defeat me.
00:55:00We have nothing to worry about them.
00:55:03We shall continue our policy of harassment.
00:55:06Of course, if they are foolish enough to try to overthrow,
00:55:11then I have made a deal for reinforcements with the UJA.
00:55:18U-J-A?
00:55:20You mean the CIA, Excellency.
00:55:23The UJA is the United Jewish Appeal.
00:55:27The United Jewish Appeal?
00:55:30Uh-oh.
00:55:49Any word on where we're heading for?
00:55:51I hear it's San Marcos.
00:55:53Are we fighting for or against the government?
00:55:55The CIA is not taking any chances this time.
00:55:57Some of us are for and some of us are going to be against them.
00:56:00Oh.
00:56:19Hello? Hello? Miami? Fontainebleau Hotel?
00:56:24Listen, I want to make a reservation for one single room.
00:56:28Yes.
00:56:36What are the... What are your prices?
00:56:39For a single room?
00:56:49Oh!
00:57:10I can't believe that I'm finally going home.
00:57:13Well, you have earned it.
00:57:15Yeah, well, I'm going to miss everybody here.
00:57:17Well, my friend, we have done it.
00:57:20You have.
00:57:22And you, all of us.
00:57:24At last, this country can finally bask in the sunshine of a true democracy,
00:57:28a land where no man is better than the next
00:57:30and there's equal opportunity for all and respect for law and order.
00:57:34Right now, I am delocked.
00:57:36Yes, but soon we'll hold free elections,
00:57:38let the people choose their own leaders,
00:57:40and you can voluntarily step down
00:57:43and return to your simple farming
00:57:46What's the matter? You look glassy-eyed.
00:57:48These people are peasants.
00:57:50They are too ignorant to vote.
00:57:52Yes, I know, but they have common sense.
00:57:54I am the ruler of this country.
00:57:56There will be no elections until I decree it.
00:58:07You are accused of killing over a thousand people in your term of office,
00:58:10of torturing hundreds of women and children.
00:58:13How did you plead?
00:58:15I plead guilty with an explanation.
00:58:20Ready, aim, fire!
00:58:2721. Where's 21?
00:58:36Ready, aim, fire!
00:58:4521. Where's 21?
00:59:03Hear me.
00:59:05I am your new president.
00:59:09From this day on,
00:59:11the official language of San Marcos
00:59:14will be Swedish.
00:59:16Silence!
00:59:19In addition to that,
00:59:21all citizens will be required
00:59:24to change their underwear
00:59:27every half hour.
00:59:30Underwear will be worn on the outside,
00:59:35so we can check.
00:59:38Furthermore, all children
00:59:41under 16 years old
00:59:44are now 16 years old.
00:59:49What's the Spanish word for straightjacket?
00:59:52Power has driven him mad.
00:59:55We must have a new leader.
00:59:58Another must represent the revolution immediately.
01:00:02Like who?
01:00:04There must be someone willing to put his life in peril
01:00:08and willing to carry on
01:00:11against all the terrible hazards that await us.
01:00:14I know you're going to find the guy.
01:00:16Now, if you'll excuse me,
01:00:18I was doing my mother's house dinner eight months ago.
01:00:20Fine, I'm going home.
01:00:22No, the revolution will fail without you.
01:00:24Why me?
01:00:25Because the men respect you.
01:00:27You always loved our cause.
01:00:29Besides, compared to these men, you're educated.
01:00:32What is this with my education?
01:00:34I have two days of college.
01:00:36It's been 363 days to get a degree.
01:00:39This is a country of peasants.
01:00:41At least you can read.
01:00:43Look, fellas, I don't want to be president.
01:00:45You're making a big mistake.
01:00:47You've got to be smart to be a president.
01:00:49Let me be vice president.
01:00:51That's a real idiot's job.
01:00:53You're looking at me in a strange way, fellas.
01:00:55Look, I...
01:00:57I'm going to be president, right?
01:01:07The Americans won't recognize us
01:01:09because they think we're communists.
01:01:11The communists won't recognize us
01:01:13because they think we're American puppets.
01:01:15The one person in the world who recognizes us
01:01:17was arrested yesterday on a morals charge.
01:01:19We need money.
01:01:21What is the chief export of San Marcos?
01:01:23Dysentery.
01:01:25We grow bananas.
01:01:27Bananas, bananas.
01:01:29We grow bananas.
01:01:31We grow bananas.
01:01:33We grow bananas.
01:01:35Bananas, bananas.
01:01:37If I can only think of a way
01:01:39to convince the United States to give us money.
01:01:41Get me Sanchez.
01:01:43I don't know, my friend,
01:01:45but without it, the revolution will fail.
01:01:47A thousand will have died in vain,
01:01:49and soon a new dictator will seize power.
01:01:54Hello?
01:01:56It's me.
01:01:58Oh, yes.
01:02:00I'm perturbed over the economic situation.
01:02:02You must go to the United States.
01:02:04Then they will listen to you.
01:02:06Me?
01:02:08You're the president of San Marcos.
01:02:10Yes, over here I'm president,
01:02:12but over there I'm a college dropout.
01:02:14But they don't know.
01:02:16After all, Senor Fielding Mellis is dead.
01:02:18I can't hear you.
01:02:20I think we have a bad connection.
01:02:22I know.
01:02:24I will call you back.
01:02:26You know, I actually think
01:02:28that I probably could go to the United States and fake it.
01:02:30I know you can do it, Fielding.
01:02:32Let's go.
01:02:51I am Mr. Hernandez,
01:02:53the official interpreter.
01:02:55Welcome to the United States.
01:02:57Welcome to United States.
01:03:01Did you have a good flight?
01:03:03Yes, I did.
01:03:05Yes, I did.
01:03:07We hope you stay in our country.
01:03:09We hope you stay in our country.
01:03:11We'll be delightful.
01:03:13We'll be delightful.
01:03:15I am looking forward to it.
01:03:17I am looking forward to it.
01:03:19With great anticipation.
01:03:21With great anticipation.
01:03:31With great anticipation.
01:03:49Let's get out of here.
01:03:53Phil Simmons.
01:03:55We'll act as your shield in the event of trouble.
01:03:57No!
01:03:59We missed him.
01:04:01We got most of him.
01:04:08What am I appearing at a fundraising dinner for?
01:04:11I don't know the first thing about public speaking.
01:04:13All you have to do is open up with a joke, a funny story.
01:04:17Once you have him laughing, then you hit him for money.
01:04:20It's very simple.
01:04:21Open with a funny story and then hit him for money.
01:04:25I'm... I'm reminded tonight of the...
01:04:28of the farmer who had incestuous relations
01:04:33with both his daughters simultaneously and...
01:04:38Oh, it's the...
01:04:40It's... It's the...
01:04:42It's the wrong crowd for this joke.
01:04:47Although the United States is a very rich country
01:04:51and San Marcos is a very poor one,
01:04:55there are a great many things we have to offer your country
01:04:58in return for aid.
01:05:00For instance, there...
01:05:02there are locusts.
01:05:04We... we have more locusts than...
01:05:07locusts of all races and creeds.
01:05:11These... these locusts, incidentally, are...
01:05:14are available at popular prices.
01:05:16And... and so, by the way, are...
01:05:18are most of the women of San Marcos.
01:05:21Now, then, despite the tiny size of our nation,
01:05:26few people realize that we lead the world in hernias.
01:05:30They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country,
01:05:34he... he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease
01:05:38which can today be cured with one shot of penicillin.
01:05:42It's the same person, all right.
01:05:44This whole thing smacks of conspiracy, if you ask me.
01:05:47You realize what a communist missile base in San Marcos would do to us?
01:05:50Plus, he has a history of subversive acts,
01:05:53demonstrations and peace marches.
01:05:55This man is attempting the overthrow of the United States government
01:05:58from without and within.
01:06:00All right.
01:06:02Let's pick him up and throw the book at him.
01:06:07We'll make an example of this.
01:06:09Hepcat.
01:06:17Hi. I hope I'm not being pushy,
01:06:19but I just have always wanted to meet you.
01:06:21I... I... I... I don't mean to bother you,
01:06:24but I think that you're, uh, terrific, really terrific.
01:06:28And, um, me and my friends have backed you
01:06:31from the very beginning, uh, of... of this career of yours.
01:06:35And I... we... I... I'm awestruck.
01:06:38I really don't know what to say.
01:06:40Uh, you know, it's very funny, but you remind me of somebody
01:06:43that I once knew.
01:06:45A... a boy.
01:06:47Uh, he... he was... it was really...
01:06:49No, it was really nothing like you.
01:06:51I mean, you're terrific.
01:06:53He was just this little stupid clown.
01:06:55You know, just... just...
01:06:57I don't know why I even mentioned it,
01:06:59but he was, uh... he was, um...
01:07:01He was an idiot, you know, a real idiot.
01:07:05And, uh... uh, he...
01:07:07Would you... would you mind if I kissed you?
01:07:12Uh, once?
01:07:14Could... could I, uh, kiss you once?
01:07:18Uh...
01:07:20Oh, that was wonderful.
01:07:22It was practically a religious experience.
01:07:26I have a confession to make.
01:07:28What, love?
01:07:30I'm feeling mellish.
01:07:34Oh, my God.
01:07:36I knew something was missing.
01:07:38Good evening.
01:07:40I'm Roger Grimsby with the news at 6.
01:07:42Today's top stories.
01:07:44The United States government brings charges
01:07:46against fielding Mellish as a subversive imposter.
01:07:48New York garbage men are striking
01:07:50for a better class of garbage,
01:07:52and the National Rifle Association
01:07:54declares death a good thing.
01:07:56Details on these and other stories in a moment.
01:07:58Come on.
01:08:00Okay.
01:08:02Mellish.
01:08:04Come on.
01:08:06Fielding Mellish, the president of San Marcos,
01:08:08goes on trial tomorrow
01:08:10for fraud, inciting to riot,
01:08:12conspiracy to overthrow the government,
01:08:14and using the word thighs in mixed company.
01:08:16Please rise.
01:08:18Court is now in session.
01:08:20Judge Seymour Watson presiding.
01:08:22The people versus Fielding Mellish.
01:08:24I object, Your Honor.
01:08:26This trial is a travesty.
01:08:28It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham
01:08:30of a mockery of a travesty
01:08:32of two mockeries of a sham.
01:08:35I move for a mistrial.
01:08:37Do you realize there's not a single homosexual on that jury?
01:08:39Yes, there is.
01:08:41Oh, really? Which one?
01:08:43The big guy at the end?
01:08:45Call the first witness.
01:08:47And you remember Fielding Mellish.
01:08:49He's got a record.
01:08:51He was always being picked up
01:08:53at one demonstration or another.
01:08:55He's a bad apple, a commie,
01:08:57a New York Jewish intellectual communist crackpot.
01:08:59I mean, I don't want to cast no aspersions.
01:09:05Your witness.
01:09:07Officer Dowd,
01:09:09have you ever had sexual relations with a girl
01:09:11with really big breasts?
01:09:13Yes, sir, I did.
01:09:15And how did you find it?
01:09:17Very erotic.
01:09:19I was just checking.
01:09:23Do you swear to tell truth,
01:09:25the whole truth, nothing but the truth?
01:09:27I do.
01:09:29Name?
01:09:31J. Edgar Hoover.
01:09:33Head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
01:09:35Can you tell the court why you're dressed like this?
01:09:37I have many enemies,
01:09:39and I rarely go out unless I'm in disguise.
01:09:41Mr. Hoover,
01:09:43in your opinion,
01:09:45is Fielding Mellish a threat
01:09:47to the security of the United States?
01:09:49Enough to have his phone tapped.
01:09:55Hello?
01:09:59Hello, who is this?
01:10:01Who is this?
01:10:05Hello, who is this?
01:10:07Can you hold on one second?
01:10:09Walter, it's for you!
01:10:11All right!
01:10:13I did it! I did it!
01:10:15I'm guilty!
01:10:17But I couldn't take it anymore.
01:10:19She kept tormenting me,
01:10:21urging me on,
01:10:23making a fool of me!
01:10:26Isn't this Epstein versus Epstein?
01:10:30I'm sorry, I...
01:10:32I'm sorry.
01:10:36I'm sorry to disappoint you,
01:10:38but I've known Fielding Mellish for years,
01:10:40and he's a warm, wonderful human being.
01:10:42Would the clerk read that statement back, please?
01:10:46I've known Fielding Mellish for years,
01:10:48and he is a rotten, conniving, dishonest little rat.
01:10:50All right.
01:10:52You're out of order.
01:10:54Name?
01:10:56Sharon Craig.
01:10:58And you are?
01:11:00Miss America.
01:11:02Oh, mio bambino caro,
01:11:06mi piace bello, bello,
01:11:10v'andare in Porta Rossa.
01:11:14Oh, mio bambino caro,
01:11:16mi piace bello, bello,
01:11:18v'andare in Porta Rossa.
01:11:20Porta Rossa
01:11:22accamperà
01:11:24l'anello
01:11:26si, si
01:11:28ci voglion dare
01:11:30e se
01:11:32la massa
01:11:34d'orno...
01:11:36Tell the court why you think
01:11:38he is a traitor to this country.
01:11:40I think Mr. Mellish
01:11:42is a traitor to this country
01:11:44because his views are different
01:11:46from the views of the President
01:11:48of this kind.
01:11:50Differences of opinion should be tolerated,
01:11:52but not when they're too different.
01:11:54Then he becomes a subversive mother.
01:11:58Call Fielding Mellish.
01:12:00Mr. Mellish,
01:12:02what is your nationality?
01:12:08Well, you might say I have two nationalities.
01:12:12Are you being coy?
01:12:15Well, I am an American citizen
01:12:17and also the President of San Marcos.
01:12:21I would not joke with this court
01:12:23if I were you.
01:12:27Wouldn't you, or couldn't you?
01:12:29That's enough.
01:12:31Does the code name Sapphire
01:12:33mean anything to you?
01:12:35I swear to God.
01:12:37You swear to God,
01:12:39yet you have no compulsion
01:12:41about teaching evolution.
01:12:43Huh?
01:12:49Where were you on the night of June 23rd?
01:12:55If you cannot resist
01:12:57disrupting the court,
01:12:59I order the Marshal to bind
01:13:01and gag you.
01:13:03And so you followed Fielding Mellish
01:13:05and overheard him make treasonous remarks
01:13:07about this country.
01:13:09I did.
01:13:11I did.
01:13:21Yes, I did.
01:13:25No.
01:13:27I don't remember.
01:13:31No.
01:13:35Don't put words in my mouth!
01:13:38Yes!
01:13:42Yes, it's true!
01:13:44I lied!
01:13:46Ladies and gentlemen,
01:13:48you will retire for your verdict.
01:13:52Good evening, I'm Roger Grimsby
01:13:54with the News at Six.
01:13:56A verdict has been reached
01:13:58in the Fielding Mellish case.
01:14:00I'll have details in one moment.
01:14:08Sticking your throats out?
01:14:10Oh, these cigarettes, Father.
01:14:12Brandy smoking?
01:14:14These?
01:14:16Oh, those are for sinners.
01:14:18Oh?
01:14:20You should try it.
01:14:22New Testament cigarettes.
01:14:24New Testament, huh?
01:14:26They've got that revolutionary incense filter.
01:14:28I'll try one.
01:14:30What do you think?
01:14:34Good flavor.
01:14:36Smooth, too.
01:14:38You stick to New Testament cigarettes
01:14:40and all is forgiven.
01:14:42Thank you, Father.
01:14:44New Testament cigarettes.
01:14:48I smoke them.
01:14:50I don't smoke them.
01:14:52I don't smoke them.
01:14:54I don't smoke them.
01:14:56I don't smoke them.
01:14:58I smoke them.
01:15:00He smokes them.
01:15:09Fielding Mellish was found guilty today
01:15:11on 12 counts of treason
01:15:13and was sentenced to 15 years in prison.
01:15:15The judge suspended the sentence
01:15:17and returned for the promise
01:15:19that Mellish will not move into his neighborhood.
01:15:21Nancy, now that this whole thing is over,
01:15:23do you think there's any possibility
01:15:25that maybe the two of us could get married?
01:15:28Would you?
01:15:30I mean, if you're going to fool around with women's labor,
01:15:32you're going to need somebody to support you.
01:15:34Fielding, do you love me?
01:15:36Of course I love you.
01:15:38No, but do you love me?
01:15:40You know what I mean?
01:15:42Yes, I love you.
01:15:44Can you, like, define the meaning of love?
01:15:46What do you mean define?
01:15:48It's a love.
01:15:50I love you.
01:15:52I want you in a way of cherishing your totality
01:15:54and your otherness
01:15:56and a coming and a going
01:15:58and a room with grapefruit
01:16:00and a love of a thing, of nature
01:16:02and a sense of not wanting
01:16:04or being jealous of the thing that a person possesses.
01:16:06Do you have any gum?
01:16:08Good evening.
01:16:10Wide World of Sports is here
01:16:12in the Royal Manhattan Hotel
01:16:14for a live on-the-spot telecast
01:16:16of the Fielding Mellish honeymoon night.
01:16:18Mellish and his new bride
01:16:20were married this morning
01:16:22in a civil ceremony in downtown Manhattan.
01:16:24It was a traditional virginal white, as did Mellish.
01:16:26Following that, they had dinner
01:16:28and are both now ready for the consummation
01:16:30of their marriage.
01:16:32The turnout has been gigantic
01:16:34and here for a play-by-play description
01:16:36is Howard Cosell.
01:16:38Take it away, Howard.
01:16:44You join us with the action
01:16:46just about to start.
01:16:48Yes, indeed.
01:16:50Here comes the bride
01:16:52There are a lot of fans here.
01:16:54They are tense, but they swell
01:16:56to a tremendous cheer
01:16:58and, as I think is apparent,
01:17:00she is in very good physical condition.
01:17:02And here comes Mellish.
01:17:04Listen to that crowd roar.
01:17:06He is wearing a green corduroy suit
01:17:08jogging and bobbing down the aisle
01:17:10buttressed by his trainer
01:17:12and his handlers.
01:17:14The action has started.
01:17:16They approach one another cautiously.
01:17:18Nothing unique about that.
01:17:21Now, Mellish begins to make his moves
01:17:23and so does Nancy.
01:17:25The two are working together closely.
01:17:27The action growing more rigorous.
01:17:29It is swift, rhythmic, coordinated.
01:17:31What's that?
01:17:33A cut over Mellish's right eye.
01:17:35The doctor comes in to examine the cut.
01:17:37No, it will not be stopped.
01:17:39It continues.
01:17:41I tell you, ladies and gentlemen,
01:17:43although you can see for yourselves,
01:17:45I have never seen action like this.
01:17:47That's it.
01:17:49It's over.
01:17:51It's all over.
01:17:53The marriage has been consummated.
01:17:55Nancy and Fielding Mellish
01:17:57in their most real sense
01:17:59are now man and wife.
01:18:01And if it's humanly possible,
01:18:03I'm going to break through these fans
01:18:05to talk to the two.
01:18:07Excuse me. Excuse me.
01:18:09Nancy, I know that this is very personal,
01:18:11but was it everything you expected?
01:18:13Well, Howard, it all went by so fast.
01:18:15I just had no idea that it would be so quick.
01:18:17I was expecting a longer bout.
01:18:19No difficulties of any kind?
01:18:21Well, as you know,
01:18:23I'm extraordinarily ticklish,
01:18:25so I had a kind of a little rough time there.
01:18:27I couldn't stop laughing,
01:18:29and I just, you know,
01:18:31I thought it would really get in my way,
01:18:33but I really trained well for this,
01:18:35and I think it sort of held me
01:18:37so there really wasn't any time
01:18:39that I didn't feel in complete control.
01:18:41How about you, Fielding?
01:18:43I was concerned about that cut.
01:18:46Yes, I was, Howard.
01:18:48I thought that I'd have to finish it up quick
01:18:50because I thought the referee might come in and stop,
01:18:52and I knew I was leading at that point,
01:18:54and I was just hoping
01:18:56that they'd let me go all the way, and they did.
01:18:58No disappointments at all?
01:19:00Well, I had heard that he would be
01:19:02in great, great shape,
01:19:04and I felt that he wasn't,
01:19:06that he could use a little seasoning
01:19:08and, you know, sort of timing.
01:19:10The timing was a little off,
01:19:12but I think he'll be fine.
01:19:14Not best, but not the worst.
01:19:16Are you offended by what Nancy just said, Fielding?
01:19:18Well, I'm not offended,
01:19:20but I don't agree with it.
01:19:22I mean, I was in great shape.
01:19:24I thought I had her in real trouble
01:19:26with the right hand up early,
01:19:28and I was in good form.
01:19:30My breathing was good.
01:19:32I've been training very hard for this,
01:19:34and I just gave 100%.
01:19:36When do you anticipate your next bout?
01:19:38I think we could probably do this again
01:19:40in the late spring.
01:19:42I think I'll be ready by the late spring.
01:19:44I'd like...
01:19:46As long as the late spring?
01:19:48I think we should leave the happy couple on that note.
01:19:50It's hard to tell what may happen
01:19:52in the future,
01:19:54but they may live happily ever after.
01:19:56Again, they may not.
01:19:58Be assured of this, though.
01:20:00Wherever the action is,
01:20:02we will be there,
01:20:04with ABC's Wide World of Sports to cover it.
01:20:06Now, on behalf of Nancy and Fielding Millish
01:20:08and all of the others who have made this possible,
01:20:11this is Howard Cosell thanking you
01:20:13for joining us and wishing you
01:20:15a most blessed evening.
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01:21:15So glad to be so foolish,
01:21:17so take me for a fool.
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