Meet the mum who practices "gentle parenting" - by barely ever saying no, rarely shouting and encouraging her child to "express not suppress" her emotions - even if she's having a full-blown tantrum. Namwila Mulwanda, 23, says she grew up in a "strict African household with authoritarian parents". She feels her upbringing impacted her mental health as there was an "expectation of blind obedience" from her parents and says she's a "self-confessed ex-people pleaser". After studying A-Level psychology and with a background in law, Namwila became fascinated by child psychology and different parenting methods. Before having their daughter, Nhyara, 17 months, Namwila and partner, Zephi, 23, decided they wanted to raise their children using a 'gentle parenting' style - a philosophy enforcing discipline and boundaries with kindness and respect. Although it’s not always easy, the parents are already seeing the results as their tot flourishes into a happy and sociable little girl. Namwila, a stay-at-home mum, from Colchester, Essex, said: “I just want her to have the childhood I didn’t have. “We incorporated gentle parenting from the onset, we allow her to express her emotions and want to instil her with confidence. “It’s not simply letting your kids do what they want - it’s giving them room to understand the world with mutual respect, empathy and compassion.” The mum reveals ‘gentle parents’ can still be firm and disciplined yet there is a difference between discipline and punishment. “There are certain things we would never do - we would never spank our daughter and we wouldn’t suppress the expression of emotion,” said Namwila. Admittedly, the mum reveals it can be difficult to allow your child to express themselves when they are having a public paddy as you can feel self-conscious. She added: “If you suppress a child’s ability to feel - they could grow up unable to express their emotions in a healthy way.” According to the parenting expert, it’s better to work through their child’s feelings in a calm, collective manner as raised voices and shouting won’t get through to the child. "Too much noise causes the brain to shut down, and children don’t hear the words properly," Namwila added. In moments Nhyara is emotional, her mum will work through patiently with her daughter what is causing her to be upset. Namwila added: “When children are having tantrums the logical side of their brain doesn’t work, and they’re led with the right, emotional side of their brain. In these moments, Namwila will say: ‘Oh, let’s try and calm ourselves down’. 'I can see you’re upset right now, you’re upset because I’ve taken your ‘toy’ off you' - she would then explain why she’d taken the toy off her daughter. Nhyara, like many tots, used to hit out of frustration and fling her body around, instead of becoming angry the mum recognises she is simply emotional and has no intention of hurting her. In these moments, Namwila would say: “It’s fine to be upset, it’s not OK to hit mumma.” Then they would calm down with deep breathing activities, sometimes Namwila will hold her hand up like a five and ask Nhyara to blow them out. According to Namwila, "everyone is human and can get frustrated and yell" - but if you feel you’re going to lash out, it’s best to leave the room and explain you’re taking a breather. She added: “The basis of gentle parenting is just talking to your child from a place of respect and understanding and learning not to yell. “If you do yell, you can apologise afterwards and show your accountability.” After her daughter has calmed down, it is then time to deliver a ‘teaching moment’ - she explains why she it’s not OK to hit as it hurts. Instead, they will use ‘gentle hands’ and show how she should touch her face - stroking it instead. The progressive parents also want to teach Nhyara about consent and will ask how she wants to say goodbye to people and relatives. “We will always ask if she wants a hug or if she wants a kiss, or if she simply wants to wave or say goodbye,” added Namwila. The tot loves climbing and is a risk taker, Namwila said: “She wants to jump and bounce off the sofa, so we say feet on the floor because it’s not safe. She says to Nhyara: “Tell mumma I want to climb please, and we take her to climb outside where it’s safe.” Namwila says gentle parenting involves being intentional with your language and claims overusing words such as ‘stop’ and ‘no’ loses the desired effect. “We only use no and stop if she has done something really unsafe," she said. "Instead, we form fuller sentences such as ‘mumma doesn’t like it when you hit’ and then explain why. “We also encourage her to do things herself and try not to intervene to teach her to be independent and resilient.” As Nhyara is mixed race her mum is determined her daughter will be instilled with self-
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