Valentine's Day Brownies - You Suck at Cooking (episode 57)
Transcript
00:00 This is a super basic brownie recipe, you can find hundreds of variations of it online, just like your significant other.
00:06 *You Suck at Cooking, Yeah You Totally Suck*
00:10 So take a half cup of flour, and add a touch of love, a cup of sugar, and add in a drop of furiousness.
00:17 Take a third cup of cocoa powder, and add a spritz of regret.
00:22 Take two eggs, and a sliver of ambivalence, and half a cup of melted bitter, I mean butter.
00:28 Wangjangle the dry stuff together, mix the wet stuff together, then add the wet stuff to the dry stuff until it's just combined, so you get this gooey perfection.
00:39 Now take a greasy pan, and pour it in. You can spread it out with a spatula, undies on 350, and in they go.
00:46 *I Love You*
00:48 After around 25 minutes you can take them out, if nothing sticks to a toothpick you're probably good.
00:53 Then let them set. So the easy part's done, now it's time for the hard part.
00:58 Put the brownies on a plate, then serve with your annual relationship flashcard test.
01:02 Do you still love me? Good, I love you too.
01:06 Are you still attracted to me? Oh good, I'm attracted to you too.
01:10 Do you think Chad's hot? No, I didn't think you would, I was just wondering.
01:14 Do you ever get an inkling that we're way too deep into the biggest mistake of our lives?
01:18 Oh good, I don't get that inkling either.
01:19 So you're not attracted to Chad? No, it's just you sort of laugh at his jokes a lot, whatever, Chad's funny, Chad can be funny, doesn't bother me.
01:26 Do you remember that time I told you about that thing I like in bed that I was 100% kidding about unless you were actually into it and not just humouring me or am I kidding now?
01:32 Ha ha ha, life is crazy, next question.
01:34 Do you think my penmanship is really good? Aw, thanks babe.
01:38 Remember how we used to be all ramped up and experimental every night, and now we're all ramped down and having a mutually non-acknowledged Netflix central crisis?
01:45 I don't remember that either.
01:46 Wouldn't it be cool if instead of Valentine's Day it was called Free Pass Day where you could break up without fear of judgement and we'd go our separate ways amicably and be friends without weirdness?
01:55 No? I also don't think that would be cool.
01:57 So you passed the test. You can now have some brownies.
02:01 Also I got you some fresh baked roses.
02:03 Oh and by the way, Chad's afraid of spiders, so.
02:05 ♫ Baby please don't cry, 'cause I will always love you, until the day that I don't. ♫
02:15 ♫ Happy Valentine's Day! ♫
02:19 [silence]