Breakfast Burrito - You Suck at Cooking (episode 47)
Transcript
00:00 Previously on You Suck At Cooking.
00:02 - Hey Douglas.
00:03 - John.
00:04 - It wasn't a homicide.
00:07 They murdered two innocent eggs and made an escape.
00:10 (dog barking)
00:11 - I believe you've been looking for me.
00:13 - Didn't catch your name?
00:14 - John.
00:15 - Oh my God.
00:19 - I've been making you this.
00:24 - A trampoline.
00:25 - To celebrate us being home free for life.
00:28 - I will hunt you down until you're dead.
00:31 - Hang on Dennis.
00:33 I'm coming.
00:35 ♪ You suck at cooking ♪
00:37 ♪ Yeah you totally suck ♪
00:39 - For the breakfast burrito,
00:40 you're gonna need a tortilla, tomato, avocado,
00:43 black beans, cheese, onion, onion,
00:44 salsa, sour cream, and eggs.
00:46 (laughing)
00:50 Whoa.
00:52 This is so cool.
00:56 (dramatic music)
00:58 Gonna take a green onion and ripple chop.
01:01 We're chopping green onion for the eggs
01:04 and purple onion for the black beans.
01:06 And we're chopping tomato for fun.
01:08 And let's open the avocado and put it on standby.
01:10 Throw in some olive oil.
01:12 So once that's cooked up a bit, add in your black beans,
01:16 some salt, some pepper, pepper, pepper,
01:19 and some cumin.
01:20 And really, really take in that aroma of cumin.
01:24 (sniffing)
01:26 Yep, I know that smell all right.
01:28 - What the hell is that guy doing?
01:32 - Police work.
01:33 I'm trying to track down a criminal.
01:34 A criminal who doesn't realize he sprayed evidence
01:36 all over this wall here.
01:38 - Evidence?
01:38 You mean piss?
01:40 Yeah, piss.
01:41 - Evidence comes in a lot of forms.
01:42 Did you guys see anything suspicious around here lately?
01:45 - Whoa there pops, we don't talk to the cops.
01:47 - Hey, I will straight up tase you.
01:49 - He went that way.
01:50 - Great.
01:51 Visual observation combined with this evidence here,
01:53 combined with my tracker device,
01:55 which shows me exactly where he is at all times,
01:57 means I know exactly where to go.
01:59 You stay out of trouble.
02:00 - Um.
02:01 (sighing)
02:03 - The beans get too dry, you can add a little bit of water.
02:07 So I've already burnt the onion, so that's great.
02:09 So at the last possible second, we're gonna cook the eggs.
02:12 Now the tortilla's warming up over here.
02:14 I like them just barely cooked.
02:16 Okay, we're gonna take the one tortilla,
02:18 sour cream, and salsa.
02:20 This is for moisture distribution purposes.
02:23 Egg goes on, grated cheese goes on,
02:26 and that's when you wanna hit that with the beans
02:28 so it all melts.
02:30 Oh man, I'm putting too much stuff on here.
02:32 A tomato, some avocado, and I made some burrito sauce.
02:36 (bell ringing)
02:37 I like to have enough sauce that I can eat my burrito
02:40 and drink my burrito at the same time.
02:41 I like the kind of burrito that threatens
02:43 to leak all over my pants.
02:45 God, I love camping.
02:47 The smell of the forest, the wind in the trees.
02:50 Could anything be better?
02:51 - No.
02:52 - Are you all right?
02:53 - Yeah, I'm great.
02:55 Camping, it's the best.
02:57 - You seem like something's on your mind.
02:59 - I think I left the stove on.
03:01 - There's a stove at the warehouse?
03:02 - Or I might've left the windows open.
03:05 It could rain.
03:06 - Uh-huh.
03:06 - I think I forgot to put the tarp over the trampoline.
03:09 If it gets dusty.
03:10 - You know what I think?
03:12 I think you're hiding something.
03:14 - What?
03:15 I'm not.
03:16 - I think you're hiding your feelings.
03:18 You need some time alone?
03:19 You wanna go for a walk?
03:21 - I don't give a care.
03:22 - Oh, yeah.
03:24 I think you're right.
03:25 I just need some time to think.
03:28 - I'll see you back here later.
03:31 Oh no.
03:34 Oh crap.
03:36 Pull that back.
03:38 And then, damn.
03:41 Ideally you wanna be able to fold.
03:43 Really done it, haven't I?
03:45 Just go ahead and serve inside that can from the black beans
03:49 and if you have a second one,
03:50 you can put it on top and tape them together
03:52 and take it to work like that,
03:53 but that's not gonna leak over anybody's pants.
03:55 I don't care what kind of pants they wear.
03:57 Another approach is to take a straw
04:00 and then just drink your burrito.
04:01 And the other approach would be
04:03 to make sure you wear your burrito pants.
04:05 When that door opens, I'm gonna bust these ropes off,
04:07 jump up, karate kick them in the face,
04:09 and oh my God, don't hurt me, I'll do anything you want.
04:11 - Today's your lucky day, kid.
04:12 - Chief, oh my God, I can't thank you enough.
04:15 - No, Dennis, it's my fault.
04:18 I should have believed you.
04:19 - How in the world did you find me?
04:21 - Good old fashioned police work.
04:23 Splash of evidence and a tracking device.
04:25 - A tracking device?
04:27 - Mostly just evidence.
04:28 - You put a tracker on me?
04:31 - On you?
04:32 No, I did not put a tracker on you.
04:34 It's best not to think about this too much.
04:38 It could get pretty uncomfortable.
04:39 I put it up your--
04:41 - You son of a bitch.
04:42 How could you?
04:43 - How could you?
04:44 - How could I what?
04:45 - How could you betray the whole force?
04:47 You've been double dealing with the free ride.
04:48 - I'm trying to bust the free riders.
04:50 I was undercover.
04:51 - You've been taking kickbacks, flapjacks,
04:53 sabotaging our operation at every turn.
04:56 And soon you'll be able to spend the rest of your life
04:58 with your precious free riders in prison.
05:00 - Chief.
05:01 - It's time to go, Dennis.
05:02 - I don't think so.
05:04 - You're under arrest.
05:05 - Oh, that's interesting,
05:06 considering neither of you are leaving here alive.
05:09 John, we're on the same team here.
05:11 - You swore you'd kill me if you ever got free.
05:13 I'm no math expert, but--
05:15 - I'm a wanted man now.
05:16 Things have changed.
05:17 You killed two innocent eggs to make your escape.
05:20 You and your friend there, Douglas.
05:22 - We did what we had to do.
05:23 - We did what?
05:25 What are they talking about, John?
05:28 - Nothing.
05:29 - Are they talking about the decoys?
05:30 - The decoys' names were Pat and Terry.
05:33 - Pat and Terry?
05:35 John, you killed them?
05:38 - I, we were all gonna die anyway.
05:41 - What?
05:42 - I tried to tell you.
05:44 - I never would have gone along with that.
05:46 It was our only way out.
05:47 The fingers went up.
05:48 - I thought we were friends.
05:50 - Friends?
05:51 - Yeah.
05:52 - That night, that we--
05:53 - I don't wanna talk about it.
05:54 - But we--
05:55 - I don't wanna talk to you ever again.
05:57 - But--
05:57 - Hagadadadada.
05:58 - It was our only way out.
05:59 - Hagadadadadadada.
06:00 (John screams)
06:01 (John laughs)
06:03 (car engine rumbles)
06:11 (car engine revs)
06:14 ♪ You suck at cooking ♪
06:22 ♪ Oh my God, you suck ♪
06:26 ♪ You suck ♪
06:28 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
06:30 [BLANK_AUDIO]