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00:00 Jughead 2016-15
00:04 Archie is surprised that Jughead outpaced someone with pink hair that he already knows really well and I don't.
00:12 Jughead slurping on a soda and says he's ready for round 2 to pop Tate, who he calls a "Burgersmith".
00:19 So by outpaced, Archie literally meant eating and drinking.
00:23 How in the world is Archie surprised that Jughead would outpace anybody by doing that? Isn't this still universe where Archie grew up with Jughead?
00:34 Jughead risks choking on fries by pouring them from the McDonald's bag into his mouth as Archie hopes Pink Girl could get one of the tickets to the show.
00:44 She's got a good design. The pink hair contrasts well with her complexion, but I'm still waiting to learn her name and why she thinks she'd ever have a chance of beating Jughead in an eating contest.
00:56 How stupid do you have to be to think that's possible if you go to the same high school as him? She better have been from a different town.
01:03 Most people look at these designs of Betty and Veronica and think they're completely different people.
01:10 Veronica is supposed to have blue highlights. Betty just flat out has a bad design, trying to make her look plain looking.
01:18 Veronica calls this restaurant "Greasy Fork" instead of "Greasy Spoon" just so that Betty can correct her.
01:25 Well, I suppose I'll give Veronica a pass because both utensils look like they're equally likely to work in that phrase, and she's not familiar enough with normal restaurants to know the phrase well.
01:36 But it's still out of character of her to demonize Pop Tate's, a place she's been smiling about eating at with no complaint at all since the 50s stories.
01:46 They exaggerated her rich jerkness in the 70s stories, making her an irritating parody of herself with almost no likability.
01:53 If this is the Archie reboot, they could've rebooted her personality too to downplay her flanderization.
02:00 Archie says he scored the last two tickets in town to the show, and Veronica says angrily that her connections got them the VIP seats.
02:09 But if you hadn't seen the word "connections" yet, you would've thought it was Betty saying this.
02:16 Because literally anybody would know that if you draw the text bubble tail this way, it looks like it's coming from Betty.
02:23 And it doesn't help that she's the only one whose expression you can see.
02:28 It would've been more interesting if Betty was the one who had connections in this case.
02:34 Betty asks who the tickets are for, and Archie's so intimidated of their usual tempers that he lies that the tickets are for Betty and Tony.
02:44 Didn't Veronica use her connections to get him those tickets in the first place?
02:49 And yet Veronica's out of character by just saying it's cute when he tries, instead of getting absolutely livid with him for turning her down for a date.
02:58 Is she still a rich snob or not? And how is Betty in a good enough mood to make a joke about this when he turned her down too?
03:06 Tony disrespects one of the main characters by putting a napkin over his face to shut him up.
03:13 At least it's Archie, so it's understandable.
03:16 And she promptly makes up for it by being polite to Betty, saying that if she doesn't want it, she can find a date.
03:23 And she's even polite enough to call her by her last name. That's not believable of a teenager to do, though.
03:29 Betty says she'll take the ticket, and Archie offers to pick up Veronica so they could all meet up for the tickets.
03:36 Veronica says that her butler will pick him up at 6 exactly, because she must be trying to punish him for not taking her as his date.
03:45 For a so-called "jokehead" story, you'd never be able to tell it's that and not an Archie story so far.
03:52 Jokehead stories have been very capable of focusing on jokehead and having him do most of the stuff, not just stuffing his face.
04:00 The best jokehead stories have him doing successful money-making schemes, which require creativity to think up, or tricking Reggie.
04:09 So of course this won't have either of that, and instead he bores me, being a side character.
04:15 Archie explains why he didn't offer the tickets to his best friend.
04:19 And it's because considering how many of Pop's loyalty cards he can fill out in a day, he assumed he could claim enough tickets for half of Riverdale.
04:27 Notice that he talks as if he's gonna have more than one loyalty card.
04:32 Pop reminds him that he's only supposed to punch his card once per visit.
04:36 Jokehead reminds him that Dilton did the math and he gets his fill and leave faster if he doesn't have to walk in and out between orders.
04:44 Which he'd have done anyways.
04:46 So Pop was smart by not going by the rules.
04:49 Why does jokehead say...
04:52 Was that supposed to be a joke?
04:54 There's blatant padding when we clearly don't need to see this page because it was already referenced what jokehead was doing here.
05:03 Jokehead starts walking away and Pop hopes he'll get paid.
05:07 And jokehead looks slimy saying that he's just getting his wallets from his house and will pay him tomorrow.
05:12 Which I don't believe him about.
05:14 At least that's in character.
05:16 He goes by the Pussycats poster which says to get a free ticket from Pop Tate.
05:21 And then jokehead looks in the window and sees Pop Tate dumping the loyalty card in the trash with the food it's on.
05:27 And it's very obvious that no restaurant owner would ever be stupid enough to do that and miss out on a lot of money.
05:33 He would have seen the card with a single glance.
05:36 Even if this was believable, jokehead had absolutely no reason to forget to bring his card with him.
05:43 It's a food focused thing.
05:45 So there's yet another story that only happens because of a condescending idiot ball.
05:49 I'm so tired of these.
05:52 This was the only excuse these writers could come up with for why he'd need Sabrina.
05:57 Even though Archie just said he could get tons of loyalty cards filled out.
06:02 Not to mention, jokehead forgetting his wallet when he goes to Pop Tate's is also completely ridiculous because it never happened.
06:10 He knows he wouldn't get away with getting into that habit.
06:13 Jokehead explains away why he can't just go ask Pop Tate to look for the loyalty card in the trash.
06:19 He skipped out on the bill in his known attempt.
06:22 Why doesn't he just look through the trash can himself?
06:25 Coward.
06:26 He gives up too easily.
06:28 I've seen him do hard work for a long period of time because food might be a reward.
06:34 Sabrina says she can't spot him because she won't have enough money for the bus back to Greendale.
06:39 I thought she was gonna start going to school with jokehead.
06:42 Because that's what she had been doing for literally her entire existence as a character past the Madhouse days.
06:49 Until some genius decided she lives in Greendale.
06:52 And this decade has been trying to be returned to form.
06:55 Which is why she has a bob haircut and even her aunt's back to being ugly.
06:58 So why on earth would she still be going to school in Greendale?
07:02 This isn't really a big deal though.
07:05 Just a disappointment there's no excuse for.
07:08 Sabrina just really likes paying people because it's the right thing to do.
07:12 Because that's the only explanation for why she wouldn't give him the money and then warp home.
07:17 I guess she assumes the bus driver is more poor than jokehead.
07:20 So it'd be better to pay him.
07:22 Besides why didn't she just look for his loyalty card in the trash?
07:26 She should have known magic wasn't necessary.
07:30 Salem could look for it in the trash. He's a cat anyways.
07:33 She could have frozen time and levitated the trash away one by one if she really didn't want to touch trash.
07:40 It's always pathetic when a story that takes itself seriously had no excuse for happening.
07:45 Jugghead only wants to go to the concert for food.
07:48 Because god forbid I expect him to care about something else for one second when I was finding that interesting.
07:55 When being a big eater doesn't mean that you won't love any bands.
08:00 At least establish that he likes a different band more.
08:04 Sabrina flies on a broom and wears a mask for no reason.
08:08 Making it look like she's gonna break into a building.
08:11 Explaining to Salem that Jugghead needs to pay for his own food.
08:15 So she actually lied about bus fare.
08:17 She was just going to fly home.
08:20 Warping would still be the only smart option because it's faster.
08:23 Warping long distance would be so useful that it would not be the spell that would be ignored to save on magic.
08:31 At least Sabrina's in character by saying this.
08:34 She thought that enlittled Sabrina too.
08:36 Then her mask disappears for the next two panels.
08:40 So how did the artist get away with that?
08:42 Sabrina says they're all in there.
08:45 Salem says it'd be easier to just conjure up a ticket.
08:49 Sabrina dismisses that as boring.
08:51 I'm completely tired of Salem having the good advice that gets ignored by Sabrina to disastrous results.
08:56 When Salem tried to take over the world and it's the devil on her shoulder.
09:00 So how the hell can he juggle these two conflicting roles?
09:04 Having Salem disagree instead of agree with her.
09:07 Just makes her look like even more of an idiot who had no excuse for making a mistake because he warned her.
09:13 When he's supposed to be the irresponsible one.
09:15 So he should have been egging her on in every situation like this.
09:19 It makes it look like making Salem able to talk was one of the series' biggest mistakes.
09:24 Because that's all this adds.
09:26 He could have a sassy dialogue in his head.
09:29 Sabrina says that anti-counterfeit holograms are really hard to conjure.
09:34 So she tries to have a good excuse for not doing what Salem suggested.
09:39 Except witches can conjure anything to equal degrees of success.
09:42 Including dragons.
09:45 So obviously the hologram would not be hard to conjure.
09:49 If witches can't conjure up something if they don't know what it looks like.
09:53 Then most of them won't be able to conjure up any living beings.
09:56 Because they won't know what all of their internal organs look like.
10:00 So it has nothing to do with what the hologram looks like.
10:03 So what is it?
10:05 A lame excuse for her to ignore the simple solution and make a mistake.
10:09 It doesn't look like one right now.
10:12 But I've read enough Sabrina stories to instantly know when she's making a mistake.
10:16 All she has to do most of the time is ignore Salem's advice.
10:20 She's gonna give Jughead full VIP backstage treatments from the band.
10:25 Why does she have a wand?
10:27 This isn't Harry Potter!
10:29 Stop making her use a wand!
10:31 It's not even like it looks pretty.
10:34 It's just a stick.
10:36 Salem says he hates it when he's gotta be the responsible one.
10:39 Then don't write it. We're sick of it.
10:41 At least I hope I'm not the only one who's sick of it.
10:43 She says she'll up the potency.
10:46 Why does she have to do that?
10:48 Salem says this is fate getting back at him for all he put Uncle Mort through.
10:53 This references Young Salem.
10:55 Which is a big surprise because that was in the manga continuity.
10:59 At least I thought it was because it was in the 2000's Sabrina comic with its manga style.
11:04 And if it wasn't part of that continuity, well it was advertised at the very end of it.
11:08 So anybody would think it was canon.
11:11 After that needlessly depressing line.
11:14 That better just be referencing him being an annoying child as usual.
11:18 And not him being awful to Mort when he's trying to take over the world.
11:22 Sabrina says she needs to enchant something near and dear to their hearts.
11:27 Because overcomplicating magic for no reason.
11:30 Fuck on nudie when she didn't need to say this at all.
11:33 She already had a smart plan by casting a spell so that when the pussycats hear their melodies.
11:38 They'll become big fans of Jughead.
11:41 That plan made sense without needing this convoluted nonsense to justify it.
11:46 As if Sabrina needs to stick to enchanting things that are dear to a person's heart.
11:50 Every single time she wants to cast a spell on them.
11:53 She didn't have to cast spells on the things dear to Jughead's heart.
11:57 The last story she mattered in.
12:00 She suddenly has a mask again and her eyeballs are gone.
12:03 Because the artist really enjoys making her look evil every time she uses magic.
12:08 For some strange reason.
12:11 Did the series get taken over by a fundie in the 2010s?
12:15 Because why else has magic been nothing but evil?
12:18 Why does she not use magic for good and had it worked out even once?
12:23 Why does Josie ask her friends if anyone heard of that?
12:26 That makes no sense.
12:28 If people could hear Sabrina's magic, they'd look over to her every time she used it.
12:33 And that never happened.
12:35 I like that she's reading a Katie Keene comic.
12:39 And Melody's doing something I didn't see her do yet.
12:41 Play a video game on her phone.
12:43 Seems to be the most relatable she's ever been.
12:46 Josie is suddenly smart enough to use big words related to music.
12:50 Which I never saw her use in the Josie stories I read.
12:54 But she does desperately need a unique trait.
12:57 And she's the main character of Josie.
12:59 So her becoming a genius makes sense meta-wise.
13:03 She's not going to be accused of positive discrimination if she's a genius all of a sudden.
13:08 Though I always liked Valerie more than her.
13:11 At least Valerie has a better hairstyle now.
13:13 She kind of looks pretty if you look past the art style ruining the issue.
13:17 She has no reason to accuse Josie of hating her lyrics.
13:21 Since Josie never read or heard them before this page.
13:24 But it's a relief that she's smiling so it's harmless.
13:27 Josie conveniently decides to do a quick warm-up session with music to keep limber.
13:33 Even though they're all experienced musicians who don't need it.
13:36 At that point it would have been better if Sabrina brainwashed them directly into playing the instruments.
13:41 Of course it'd be the best of all if Sabrina didn't delude herself into thinking that she needed to enchant the instruments.
13:47 She obviously could have just brainwashed them directly.
13:51 Because she brainwashed Jughead and Reggie into seeing a monster as Weatherbee.
13:56 That's not even mentioning that she brainwashed these people in the 90s comic.
14:01 They argue over Jughead.
14:03 And then Melody says they're equal partners in this.
14:06 And they all agree to share Jughead as a result.
14:09 So Melody's been really useful here.
14:12 For once it avoided drama.
14:14 Because it could have easily had them fighting as padding.
14:18 Valerie apologizes to Josie who admits that she got a bit worked up.
14:23 This is the best job showing how good their friendship is from what I've seen.
14:29 I understand why her spell would make them all fall in love with Jughead.
14:33 She said she'd up the potency for no reason.
14:35 And she just didn't know her own strength when casting a spell to boost someone's opinion of someone.
14:41 Still, you'd think that adding a no physical affection clause to the magic contract would have instantly been common sense and been effortless for Sabrina.
14:51 She should have known from him telling her he doesn't like people that way.
14:55 That he doesn't want kisses.
14:57 What's inexcusable is Sabrina sees some drive off and wonders how much trouble she's in and looks scared.
15:04 If you have the witch know she messed up.
15:06 There's absolutely no excuse whatsoever for not pointing to undo the spell.
15:11 It's not like her magic is restricted to being very short range.
15:15 She can do stuff like warp a hypnotist to her from who knows how far away.
15:20 Even if it was which would also be completely shitting on past continuity.
15:24 She can make herself super fast.
15:27 Or even freeze time to instantly catch up to their car and break the spell on them.
15:32 If she can only undo the spell by bothering their instruments.
15:36 Then she could obviously just go to where their instruments are in that building and effortlessly avoid the next issue.
15:43 She has no excuse for not doing anything.
15:46 She's not that stupid that she'd forget she can undo a spell with a single point.
15:52 Why would she know they're outright in love with Jughead just because they were squeeing anyways?
15:57 Tony confirms that she's just female Jughead instead of her existence seeming to be justified.
16:03 Because she wants to go to the concert for the food.
16:07 Yeah tell me when she gets interesting.
16:09 The Pussycats stop in front of Betty who's amazed to see them.
16:13 Valerie asks Betty if she's from around here.
16:16 So this is definitely an alternate universe for pretending the Pussycats haven't already interacted with the Archies for no reason.
16:23 I don't see the point in having main characters reintroduce themselves to each other.
16:28 The Pussycats want to know where Jughead is.
16:31 Betty tells them and gets thanked.
16:34 And Tony lampshades how many girls have wanted to date Jughead recently.
16:39 And then she says if someone learned the secret to Jughead's newfound mojo.
16:43 And Betty completes her train of thought by saying they could have anyone they wanted.
16:47 They know Jughead doesn't like people that way so they wouldn't think it was anything he was doing.
16:53 Then they smirk evilly as if Betty's not supposed to be good anymore.
16:57 And they say this is going to lead to something instead of being completely drunk.
17:01 And make this whole page a waste of comic space.
17:05 That night Moose is generous enough to let Dilton sit on him piggyback style at the concert.
17:11 Archie makes his girlfriend happy with a gift.
17:14 And Jughead thanks Sabrina for getting him in.
17:17 She told Jughead she needed to save her money for bus fare so she's supposed to be back in Greendale by now.
17:24 I guess she postponed going back home because she knew she was in trouble.
17:30 Sabrina explains why she got a ticket and reiterates in a whisper that anti-counterfeit holograms are hard to conjure.
17:37 So she says she bought two by mistake.
17:40 If they're hard to conjure, how in the hell did she conjure up two effortlessly?
17:45 If anything, that makes them twice as easy to conjure as everything else.
17:48 Also, if she's fine with zapping up counterfeit tickets, so either she's not a goody two-shoes anymore or she couldn't buy a ticket in time.
17:58 If she's fine with doing that, why didn't she just brainwash the ticket master into letting her in?
18:04 You would say that's evil too.
18:07 And it's supposed to be easier than this.
18:10 It takes too long to get to the point where the Pussycats play a song.
18:15 The Pussycats' song turns the eyes of the girls pink, brainwashing them all into wanting him.
18:21 Because Sabrina made her spell like a virus ridiculously irresponsibly when she never did it before.
18:27 And it's blatantly obvious she'd have to intentionally make it so that it was a virus for it to be like that.
18:34 Because spells on people never spread.
18:37 It's so pathetic how forced this story is. She'd have undone it by now.
18:41 If Sabrina can cast a spell to make herself immune, why the hell didn't she do this for the rest of them?
18:48 It's supremely lazy to not explain that when it's the whole reason the next story happens.
18:54 It's like the writer was definitely too dumb to think that she could do it for everyone else.
18:58 She has magic in the next issue, enough to affect everyone here.
19:02 So she could have used that amount of magic to shield them all from the song.
19:07 At first I thought she was just smart by doing this, but no, she's just having common sense, but not nearly enough.
19:14 And isn't it lame that the story ends there?
19:16 I still hate when stories can't wrap up the plot in one issue.
19:20 Oh no.
19:23 This was by Mark Waid and Ian Flynn, who I thought would never write a Sabrina story again.
19:29 And I had no reason to be on this because he didn't write the previous Jughead Sabrina stories.
19:34 This story was about Jughead wanting to get food from a concert, and somehow forgetting his loyalty card for the concert ticket.
19:43 And somehow Pop-Tate doesn't see it when he puts it in the trash.
19:47 And somehow Jughead doesn't care enough about food to go ask Pop-Tate to let him search for it.
19:53 And somehow Jughead didn't bring his wallet when he went to Pop-Tate's when he would always do that.
20:00 Which is why he was too scared to go back to Pop-Tate's because he wouldn't have the money.
20:06 So Sabrina wants to reward him for his help earlier so bad that she casts a spell to make the Pussycats give him the VIP treatment to bring him backstage.
20:15 But I never see them bring him backstage.
20:18 They just drive off looking for him because they're in love.
20:21 And since she thinks she's in trouble the second she sees that, there's no excuse whatsoever for not undoing the spell that she somehow made too strong.
20:30 And preventing that from spreading the love of Jughead at the concert.
20:34 Obviously her spell would have been specific to the Pussycats because that's all she thought about when casting it.
20:40 So it'd be impossible for them to spread it.
20:43 Besides, this shouldn't be the basis of a whole extra issue because everyone knows she can point to undo a spell instantly.
20:50 And obviously them even being in love with him romantically is ridiculous in the first place.
20:56 It doesn't matter that she said she upped the potency.
21:00 There's non-romantic love too and it was common sense of her to have a "no physical affection" spell in the love spell.
21:08 So what would really happen is that while they would love Jughead more than she'd expect, they wouldn't want to kiss him or hug him.
21:16 She gets a ticket by conjuring anyways.
21:19 And was so good at it that she made two by mistake.
21:23 So obviously instead of dismissing it as too hard to do for Jughead right away, she'd have made Jughead a ticket if it was so easy.
21:31 If not outright look through the trash to find his loyalty card for him.
21:35 And she'd already know from experience that it's that easy that she can make two.
21:39 The issue doesn't even make good use of Jughead because all it does is have him be a big eater.
21:46 If that was all he was, I would have never started to like him.
21:50 Instead he's just written like a chip.
21:53 He comes off like a side character in his own comic while everyone else seems more important and steals the show.
21:59 Every writer of the 2010 Sabrina comics is almost as bad as Flynn anyways.
22:04 Because for the most part this is badly written in all the same ways as all the other comics.
22:08 The only things unique to Flynn are the Uncle Mort reference.
22:12 And the fact that Sabrina somehow thinks she has up the potency and enchants something dear to someone to use magic on them.
22:19 Because Flynn has no understanding of the Sabrina series.
22:22 Or even the last story she was in where that wasn't the case.
22:26 So the only reason the spell is even able to spread like a virus and cause the next story like they forgot how magic worked.
22:32 The only reason it's been this way is that they hired Flynn to write this.
22:37 From what I can see there's no point in having him restricted working with another writer.
22:41 Because the shortcomings shine through regardless.
22:44 Making it look like he had no restrictions.