HOW TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO THINKING YOU'RE NOT DEPRESSED - MAKEUP TUTORIAL!
Transcript
00:00 I just look like a trashy who in Whoville.
00:02 [music]
00:04 [high pitched squeal]
00:05 So I've gotten a lot of requests to do a makeup tutorial,
00:08 which is not something I would typically do on this channel.
00:10 However, I actually think right now is a perfect time to do a makeup tutorial
00:14 because we are in fall.
00:16 It's about to be winter.
00:17 The weather is changing.
00:18 If you live somewhere other than Los Angeles, California,
00:21 where it's gorgeous and sunny and beautiful,
00:22 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year,
00:25 then you have something called seasons.
00:27 These seasons can get really gloomy and depressing.
00:33 And maybe it makes you want to not talk to anybody
00:36 and stay at home all day and curl up into a little ball
00:38 and worry about the Illuminati depopulation program.
00:41 I don't know. It's not personal.
00:42 But you can't because you have to go to your dumb job
00:45 or your dumb school
00:46 or your dumb other obligation that forces you to interact with society.
00:49 [groans]
00:50 I created this look because I needed something for when I felt sad
00:53 that made people not come up and say,
00:55 "You look tired all the time at me."
00:57 Just really mask all the sadness
00:59 and convert that energy into, like, edginess.
01:02 Here's a makeup look that helps you go from sad to edgy.
01:06 Risk-taker.
01:06 Takes lots of risks.
01:08 Britney after she went--
01:09 [stutters]
01:10 After she shaved her head.
01:12 Boom, bitch.
01:13 Let's do it.
01:14 [music]
01:17 First step, we're gonna grab ourselves some bright colors.
01:19 Bright colors are the key to pulling off this whole look
01:22 because when you're wearing bright colors, you don't look sad.
01:25 Why do you think strippers wear glitter and shimmer and bright colors?
01:28 Because it distracts you from deep underlying feelings.
01:31 People think, "She doesn't have sad feelings. She's too sparkly."
01:34 First, we're gonna start with this sparkly white base color.
01:37 It'll make all your other colors pop.
01:38 Next, we're gonna go with some light pink.
01:40 If there's one thing you need to know about being liked,
01:42 it's that people like people who like pink.
01:45 If you think about it, nothing depressing is pink.
01:47 Except for that breast cancer ribbon.
01:49 Who the fuck did that?
01:50 Next, we're gonna take another bright contrasting color to fill in our crease with.
01:55 I chose green.
01:56 It's very contrast.
01:57 Yeah, you know, it kinda looks like a watermelon.
02:00 A very happy summer fruit.
02:01 No one ever cried eating a watermelon,
02:04 and no one will see that you've cried when you have watermelon eyes.
02:07 You are getting more gaga by the minute.
02:10 Next, we're gonna grab another bright color.
02:12 I chose a darker pink to really make a statement.
02:16 And this particular statement says,
02:19 "Drunk Ninja Turtle."
02:21 Yes.
02:22 You got it, girl.
02:23 Now we're gonna do some dramatic eyeliner.
02:26 Something that says, "I make bold choices."
02:28 Or, "I make bad choices when I'm drunk, but think they're good choices until the next morning."
02:34 Very gaga.
02:36 Yes.
02:38 Also, be sure to outline the bottom,
02:40 so it tells people, "This is the shape of my eye.
02:42 Don't look at the bags."
02:44 The color we choose for the bottom has to also be something bright that we haven't used yet.
02:49 I chose blue because who gives a fu-
02:50 Next, I'm gonna do one more color to outline my eyes,
02:54 because I don't feel like we quite look like that lady that works at the Mac counter
02:57 that has an attitude because she does makeup better than you.
03:00 That bitch.
03:01 I'm choosing purple.
03:03 Fucking nailed it.
03:04 But now I'm gonna go back in with that eyeliner one more time
03:07 to just kick up the drama a little bit again,
03:09 'cause you need drama if you're gonna be Beyonce, girl.
03:14 Wow, what a toxic rainbow you are.
03:17 It's kind of like when the sun hits an oil spill on an old dirty road.
03:22 That's you.
03:24 Glamour. Glitz. Grittiness. Sexy.
03:28 You know what we need, though, is a good silver highlighter,
03:30 because we just weren't looking like an ice skater enough.
03:33 And you know what the world likes? Ice skaters.
03:35 If you don't believe me, look at the Winter Olympics.
03:38 Who gives a shit about any of the other sports?
03:40 Nobody. Everybody just wants to see the ice skating.
03:42 Unless you're Tonya Harding. She was an asshole.
03:45 Next we need to make our eyebrows look like they're constantly questioning everybody.
03:49 Seductively.
03:50 You can achieve this by just adding those high arches.
03:53 Damn, girl. Eyebrows on fleek.
03:56 How you feeling? Still depressed?
03:58 Oh, well, keep going.
03:59 The next step is concealer.
04:00 Concealer is good because it hides things you don't want people to see,
04:04 like tear stains and pillow lines.
04:06 No one will ever know that you were taking depressing naps all day.
04:10 Then use this. Something glowy.
04:13 Does it glow? Does it shimmer?
04:14 If yes, then we use it. That's the rules for this look.
04:18 Next is blush.
04:19 If you haven't guessed already, it's going to be pink.
04:21 We need to look like we are flushed from flirting super hard.
04:24 People who flirt are confident and happy.
04:28 That's what you need to look like.
04:30 Almost done.
04:31 Okay, now mascara.
04:32 This is really gonna tie this look together.
04:34 Even better if you can find waterproof mascara.
04:37 That way if you cry a little bit, no one will know.
04:40 This will make your eyes pop like an anime character.
04:42 How old are those girls? No one ever knows.
04:45 Mascara. You need it.
04:48 Yeah, get it, girl. You're looking Beyonce, which is a step up from Gaga.
04:53 And lastly, lips.
04:54 Did we mention how much we like bright colors?
04:56 We like very much pink.
04:58 And you are back to Gaga with that color.
05:02 But that's okay. She wins Grammys sometimes.
05:05 And now hair.
05:06 Don't think you can trick people with a Gaga face if your hair still looks depressing.
05:09 They'll know. You need to fix this, girl.
05:12 But what I like to do is I like to find the most annoying hairstyle I can think of.
05:16 People with annoying hairstyles are usually very happy.
05:19 Side bony with a bright scrunchie.
05:21 Don't respond to people that talk about it and never address it yourself.
05:25 Or you could do this.
05:26 Build up one of those bouffants.
05:28 Bouffants.
05:28 Like Snooki.
05:30 It's like Amy Winehouse who?
05:32 Maybe she should have gone to rehab.
05:34 This one's a winner.
05:35 Those annoying side buns that should only be used in grade school.
05:38 If you are over 25 and are wearing side buns, you do not look cute.
05:42 You look like you're having an identity crisis.
05:45 But voila! There's our final look.
05:47 You look like an older brown Miley Cyrus.
05:50 You're like Billy Ray Cyrus's bastard child that he denies relations to in the public eye
05:54 but secretly sends her $2,000 a month in compensation.
05:57 You know, she also wanted a singing career, but no.
06:00 It's all about Miley. Miley, Miley, Miley.
06:02 You look like a stripper that gained vacation weight but is still proud of her curves.
06:07 Yes, you are bold, you are unique, you are edgy.
06:11 But you are not sad.
06:13 No, not to the world, 'cause we tricked them.
06:15 We put nail polish on a broken nail and people can't even tell.
06:18 They just go, "Ooh, I like that color. Where'd you get it?"
06:22 And you're like, "Sally's. It was on discount."
06:24 And they're like, "No way, girl."
06:25 And you're like, "Yeah, I think they still have some left."
06:27 And they're like, "The Sally's downtown or the Sally's in Midtown?"
06:29 And I'm like, "The Sally's in Midtown."
06:31 I don't feel safe walking outside of my car in downtown.
06:33 Why am I black?
06:35 I'm so tan in this picture.
06:36 Like I was I really that dark? I look legit from India
06:40 - Bye!