HOW TO BAKE A CAKE- WITH PAYTON AND EAGLE!!! PART 1!!! EGG FAILURE
Transcript
00:00 Where's the oil?
00:03 Down here.
00:06 Vegetable oil?
00:09 Yeah, we're making a fucking cake now.
00:12 Are we good?
00:17 We're good. I'm going.
00:19 Oh shit.
00:24 Let's look at the cake we're fucking baking, dude.
00:28 We're fucking baking a red velvet cake.
00:31 Ooh.
00:32 It sure looks like chocolate, though.
00:34 Look at Iron Chef Peyton.
00:37 Oh, you got a hand whisker? What the fuck?
00:40 You need to update like the rest of the fucking world.
00:42 I think I have one of those metal ones.
00:45 You mean like an electronic one?
00:48 What did I say?
00:50 Metal.
00:52 What time is it?
00:54 8.30.
00:56 I said 8.30.
00:58 You need to fix your clock then.
01:01 What time is it?
01:03 You sure it's 8.30?
01:05 It's like 8.21.
01:07 8.22, but right there, that says 7.50. You need to fix that. That's a hazard.
01:12 I'm going to keep up.
01:16 In the box.
01:19 Can I crack an egg? I want to crack an egg.
01:21 How many eggs? How many eggs? I want to crack one. I want to do one egg.
01:24 One egg is our fresh farm eggs, straight from the farm.
01:27 Right out the chicken's ass.
01:29 It's like straight out my ass.
01:31 I'm going to crack it with one hand. You ready?
01:33 You can. You're not pro.
01:36 Dude, I'm the Iron Chef.
01:40 Are you ready? Get out!
01:42 Nigga, I don't want to have to clean this.
01:44 What the fuck do you mean?
01:47 Where's the towel?
01:49 Ooh. You're killing me now, Peyton.
01:52 I'm going to do it.
01:54 I'm fucking up this.
01:58 I don't want to use this thing, though.
02:02 Why?
02:03 I want this fat bonker right here.
02:05 Hey, dude.
02:07 Oh, fuck!
02:09 No!
02:13 Too hard.
02:15 I need a towel.
02:17 A big towel.
02:19 I need not to make a mess.
02:21 A motherfucker just cracked from the goddamn counter.
02:23 There's my egg.
02:25 Fucking Peyton's egg right there.
02:27 Fucking idiot.
02:29 Oh, my.
02:31 I'm about to do all the eggs, because apparently he can't do a fucking egg cracking.
02:34 Stupid ass.
02:37 How would you even approach this situation?
02:43 Scoop it out to another fucking towel.
02:48 This is going to fall, dude.
02:50 It's falling.
02:52 Put that towel under this towel.
02:54 Yo, that's so bad.
02:59 You're so fucking dead.
03:01 Oh, my God.
03:08 Look at that drip.
03:11 It's so hot.
03:13 Goddamn.
03:15 Dude, right into all the...
03:17 It just, like, bounced and slid down.
03:20 Do I need to crack the rest of the eggs, Peyton?
03:23 Where's that? Right there?
03:25 No, that's not fucking...
03:27 Where's this go?
03:29 I don't know where your dirty clothes are.
03:31 The fucking bathroom?
03:33 I'm just going to fuck it up again, dude.
03:44 Yo, dude, where's the light switch?
03:46 Yo, what the...
03:47 Oh, shit. No, I didn't. Yeah, I did.
03:49 Yo, where's the dirty clothes?
03:51 I'm just going to drop it right here.
03:55 Did you get it?
04:04 I'm still waiting for you to crack an egg successfully, you know?
04:08 By the way, did you know...
04:11 If you keep squeezing the egg as hard as you can...
04:14 It won't break.
04:16 Yeah, it will.
04:18 I don't want to get shit everywhere.
04:20 It will not break.
04:22 If I break it, then what?
04:24 Just squeeze it as hard as you can.
04:26 As hard as...
04:28 I heard it crack.
04:30 That way, it can.
04:32 Ready? I'm going soft this time.
04:35 He has to use two hands.
04:37 He can't do the old one-hander.
04:39 Yeah, but there's three there.
04:41 Why are there three there?
04:43 That one's not good.
04:45 That's near white.
04:47 What do you want?
04:49 That one looks a little small.
04:51 You have to do this big daddy.
04:53 It won't come out.
04:55 I think I cracked it.
04:57 No, I didn't.
04:59 This is not going so well, man.
05:01 You are the shittiest cake maker in the world.
05:04 It's because you're in here.
05:06 How are we supposed to get this out without all the eggs falling out?
05:09 What do you mean?
05:11 It was a rotten egg.
05:13 Just leave it there.
05:15 It's fucked for life.
05:17 It can't be in the fridge.
05:19 This one has a hole in it.
05:21 You got some shitty ass eggs.
05:23 They're not from the store.
05:25 I need you to hold some.
05:27 Or you can get another bowl and put all those eggs in there.
05:30 Good point.
05:32 Because you're here.
05:35 [Sigh]
05:37 Dude, we're only on step two.
05:41 See, this one's fucking stuck too.
05:43 Uh oh.
05:45 That's nasty.
05:49 I think that's piss.
05:51 That's chicken piss.
05:53 What the fuck?
05:55 Dude, you are terrible at cooking.
05:59 Oh my god.
06:03 That is disgusting.
06:05 Come on now.
06:07 You gotta be quicker than that.
06:09 I think you stepped in it because it's going everywhere you are.
06:13 Yeah, you did.
06:16 You know the fucking $50 flip-flops, dude.
06:18 So we've cracked four eggs, but there's only two in the fucking bowl.
06:23 There's three.
06:24 Two.
06:25 There's three.
06:26 There's two.
06:27 There's three.
06:28 Because you messed up one, that one's in there, you actually got one successful one in there, and I got a successful one in there.
06:32 Look.
06:33 One, two.
06:34 There's another one in there.
06:35 No, there's not. I swear.
06:37 Dude, we can go back in the recording right now.
06:39 Dude, we need another egg.
06:43 No, I put three in there.
06:45 Yes, we need another egg.
06:47 Dude, there's four right there, right?
06:49 Yes.
06:50 How many did you mess up on?
06:51 One.
06:52 Bullshit. There's one in the carton right now.
06:54 That's not-- I already fucking threw that in there.
06:56 I promise. Damn.
06:58 So you got half-- no, you got half an egg?
07:02 What?
07:03 So there's only two and a half.
07:05 I'm telling you, it's gonna work out just fine.
07:07 This tastes like shred-boy and you. You know that?
07:09 It's everywhere.
07:17 It is everywhere. Where are we at?
07:20 We're at one third cup.
07:24 Fucking focus.
07:29 This is by far the worst cup I've probably ever baked in my life.
07:33 How many cakes would you say you've baked in your life?
07:36 At least 128.
07:38 God damn, you're a pro. Except you just fucked up this one.
07:41 Which one was worse, this one or your first one?
07:44 Definitely this one.
07:46 How do you get so bad?
07:47 All right, what I need you to do is get a towel, a wet towel.
07:50 I don't know about all that.
07:58 I need you to get a wet wash rag out of the closet.
08:00 I think you need to be doing this.
08:02 I'll whisk my little heart out.
08:04 I like whisking, though.
08:05 Oh, I don't like getting towels, so this is gonna have to wait.
08:08 Move so the light can get in there so we can see that.
08:14 Dude, that's so great.
08:15 It's so hot, Payton.
08:19 It looks like blood.
08:20 It's like period blood.
08:21 Mommy.
08:26 What are you gonna do with the rest of these eggs?
08:28 Are you just gonna put them in the bowl?
08:30 I don't know.
08:31 Because that carton kind of sucks ass.
08:33 Dude, that looks so shitty, I'm not even gonna lie.
08:37 Just pull the thing out of the...
08:44 See if it, like...
08:46 Huh?
08:47 I don't want to make a mess sitting there.
08:54 That's already fucked, I mean...
08:56 Look at the fucking cup.
09:03 Look at the fucking cup.
09:04 Look at the fucking...
09:05 That shit.
09:06 Fucking floor.
09:07 Oh my god.
09:08 That's a fucking egg on top of bacon grease.
09:11 I can smell it.
09:14 It smells pretty good.
09:16 It smells like chocolate.
09:18 What if it just like puked all over inside the cake?
09:20 We'd be having some...
09:22 I'd fucking give it to the neighbors or something.
09:24 It's like we still have basketball, so we have to give them like a puky ass cake.
09:29 I don't want to bake too cake.
09:31 There's fucking stone there, see?
09:33 I might as well just fucking put a couple...
09:35 Fucking ounces of weed in there.
09:37 That's not how it works, Payton.
09:39 You have to oil it down with some shit like that.
09:42 I've been to Colorado, I know.
09:45 Spell my name.
09:51 Damn.
09:52 You're shitty.
09:54 You are shitty.
09:55 Bingo.
10:01 Bingo?
10:03 What's his name though?
10:05 I'm... Oh, dude. I laughed so hard.
10:08 God damn it!
10:09 Dude, I'm waiting for you.
10:14 Top one.
10:15 See, yeah, there it is.
10:18 I don't see any metal.
10:20 I see that.
10:21 This?
10:23 Is this a vile... This is a dildo.
10:26 Am I getting this one?
10:30 I don't know.
10:31 Pull it out.
10:32 Oh, shit, dude. It's like stuck.
10:34 I don't think that's gonna be big enough.
10:38 I don't know. I think... I don't know.
10:40 Get the yellow one.
10:42 Are you fucking kidding me?
10:44 Actually, do you think that'll be big enough?
10:45 No, it will not.
10:46 Nowhere near big enough.
10:49 Dude, I can fit my hand like...
10:51 That doesn't... No.
10:53 Oh, shit!
10:59 Payton, you're gonna have to hold the camera while I do this.
11:04 I'm gonna...
11:05 That's what you're gonna have to whisk and film.
11:07 Oh, it drops.
11:10 God damn, how many fucking square ones do you have?
11:13 It's the same fucking size.
11:16 It's the same fucking size. Why?
11:18 Why do you have the fucking same size?
11:21 You think this is gonna be good enough?
11:27 Bingo.
11:28 Bingo?
11:29 Bingo.
11:30 Well, this is...
11:31 I gotta go back.
11:33 Oh, man.
11:37 Think it's good yet?
11:38 Yeah, probably.
11:39 Not seeing so many chunks.
11:45 Watch me hit this whip.
11:47 Damn, dude.
11:49 Bingo!
11:50 Bingo!
11:51 I'm gonna lick this.
11:55 Kinda.
11:56 I'm gonna get the first lick.
11:57 Oh.
11:58 Ooh.
12:00 Oh, it just took a shit.
12:01 It's shitting all over that bowl right now.
12:04 It looks like you got lipstick on.
12:13 Yo, thanks for letting me lick it.
12:15 Oh, shit. I forgot about it.
12:17 It's a bacon grease.
12:18 I'm good.
12:19 This motherfucker, dude.
12:21 Look at this fucking god damn messy ass bacon grease.
12:24 Ooh.
12:29 Watch this. Excellent.
12:30 Oh, dude, he's got this down.
12:31 He knows what he's doing.
12:32 Oh, should I have sprayed it?
12:33 Probably.
12:35 It's gonna get stuck now.
12:37 Oh, shit.
12:41 Shit.
12:42 Clearly just taking a huge ass dump.
12:49 Like a runny dump into that.
12:51 My arm's getting tired.
12:52 You shovel it, Payton?
12:55 Dude, whip it real nice.
13:06 There.
13:07 It doesn't even, like, touch the edges.
13:13 It's gonna be a shitty ass looking cake.
13:15 I need you to hold this bowl like this.
13:17 Yo, you're fucking--you think you're funny.
13:19 I really do. I need to get this last bit out.
13:21 Oh, dude, look. This is why it's--
13:25 Hang on.
13:27 It's not working.
13:34 Oh, my hand's all in it, I think.
13:36 This is bullshit.
13:40 Better hurry the fuck up.
13:51 Almost--almost got it this time, boy.
13:57 Oh, my fucking god.
14:04 You just went all over my fucking hand with that.
14:06 Put it on the counter.
14:09 I'm gonna be fisting a fucking--
14:15 It was pretty good, I don't know why.
14:26 Alright, we're back.
14:32 Just gonna even it out a little bit.
14:34 There, now it looks much better now, Payton. It does. I'm not gonna lie.
14:38 It looks pretty good.
14:39 Can I add some sprinkles?
14:40 Dude, you're supposed to do that after, I thought.
14:42 Where's the sprinkles at?
14:47 We need some sprinkles.
14:49 I'm not sure I have sprinkles.
14:53 Those look like some pretty good sprinkles right here.
14:56 Fucking gourmet burger.