Robot Chicken - Avengers Assemble
Robot Chicken - Avengers Assemble - The Avengers may be able to save the day with their superpowers, but their personal lives are just as messy as the rest of us. Watch more Robot Chicken on Max:
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00:00 We now return to Marvel's Agents of SHIELD.
00:03 This new threat could kill millions of innocent people.
00:05 You better call Nick Fury.
00:07 Fury's unavailable.
00:08 I'm sure Tony Stark could help us.
00:09 He's out of the country.
00:10 Thor would be more than powerful enough to...
00:13 No, he's in space.
00:14 Maybe Captain America.
00:15 Bolivia.
00:15 Hawkeye?
00:16 Gone Dark.
00:17 Black Widow.
00:17 Also Bolivia.
00:18 Well, maybe the Hulk.
00:19 Dentist.
00:20 Ant-Man?
00:20 Six Flags.
00:21 Scarlet Witch.
00:22 Spin Class of Three.
00:23 Quicksilver?
00:24 Yes.
00:24 Oh, no, wait, he's dead.
00:26 Next week on Marvel's Agents of SHIELD.
00:30 Iron Man just flew by.
00:31 Oh, can I see?
00:32 You know what?
00:33 Just take my word for it.
00:34 So Loki's like, "Please, have mercy."
00:39 And I was all, "Sorry, pal.
00:40 Can't hear a thing in this helmet."
00:42 Bada-boom.
00:43 Chest-mounted Unibeam, baby.
00:44 What?
00:45 Who asked for a fight?
00:46 Got a story from the fight, Jolly Green?
00:48 Well, Hulk Smash and Hulk Smash.
00:53 But then Hulk Smash.
00:55 No freaking way, man.
00:57 Swerzy.
00:58 [GASPING]
00:59 OK, well, OK, so I kicked this guy
01:02 and I shot him with my pistols.
01:04 And it turns out that he was bulletproof and also
01:07 kick-proof.
01:09 Oh, God, I'm like the lamest one on this team.
01:12 I don't even know why you guys keep me around.
01:13 [MUSIC PLAYING]
01:16 Oh, yeah.
01:18 Baby, baby, baby, baby.
01:28 Don't talk like that.
01:29 You're a critical component of this team, right, fellas?
01:32 Absolutely.
01:32 Yeah, sure.
01:33 I guess whoever we fight next better watch out
01:36 for the Black Widow, huh?
01:37 Yeah!
01:39 Black Widow's gone now, but she leaves
01:41 behind the gift of knowledge.
01:42 The knowledge that you cannot defeat Demogorg, the God-Eater,
01:46 with a karate kick.
01:47 But I almost got him with my arrows.
01:50 Right, right, guys?
01:52 [CRYING]
01:53 What am I saying?
01:54 I don't even know why you guys keep me around.
01:57 [MUSIC PLAYING]
01:59 Oh, yeah.
02:01 [MUSIC PLAYING]
02:13 My spider sense is tingling, but why?
02:15 Is it the green goblin?
02:17 The lizard?
02:19 Aunt May having another stroke?
02:21 Nothing?
02:24 OK.
02:25 [FARTING]
02:27 [SPITTING]
02:28 Ow.
02:29 The milk went bad.
02:31 Thanks, spider sense.
02:33 [MUSIC PLAYING]
02:35 Uh-oh.
02:36 Spider sense tingling.
02:37 [LAUGHTER]
02:39 [LASER FIRE]
02:41 [LAUGHTER]
02:42 Oh, no.
02:43 Those kids.
02:45 You tingled me over a puddle?
02:47 [LAUGHTER]
02:49 [LASER FIRE]
02:51 [LAUGHTER]
02:53 [PANTING]
02:55 Face it, tiger.
02:57 You're going to get laid.
02:58 Yes!
02:59 After tonight, the vulture can't call me a virgin ever again.
03:02 [LASER FIRE]
03:03 No, no.
03:04 Shoo, shoo.
03:05 Come on, let another part of me tingle for once.
03:07 Uh-oh.
03:08 [WHISTLING]
03:09 [LAUGHTER]
03:10 Oh.
03:11 [MUSIC PLAYING]
03:12 [LASER FIRE]
03:13 Be more specific.
03:15 Of course I'm in danger.
03:17 I'm hundreds of feet above Manhattan.
03:19 [SPITTING]
03:20 [LASER FIRE]
03:21 Whatever.
03:22 It looks like you broke your ankle.
03:23 [WHISTLING]
03:24 Also, x-rays show a tumor at the base of your skull that is,
03:27 for lack of a better word, tingling.
03:28 Remove it.
03:29 Remove it now.
03:30 [LASER FIRE]
03:31 [BEEP]
03:32 Time of death, 3:47 PM.
03:35 Another debacle like Spider-Man.
03:37 Turn off the dark, and we're ruined.
03:38 Well, I know you're going to love Avengers.
03:40 Music-tacular tapstravaganza.
03:42 Wait, it's called what?
03:43 You say this super soldier serum will make him run, jump, fight.
03:48 And dance.
03:50 [MUSIC PLAYING]
03:55 I've never seen anyone hoop it like that.
03:58 He's hooping it for America.
04:02 They say only fools ever dance in the rain.
04:07 But fortunately, you're with the Thunder God.
04:14 I'm not a blunder God.
04:16 Come home and slumber fraud.
04:17 Render us a Thunder God.
04:20 [LASER FIRE]
04:22 I spin a web of fantasy through tight dresses and whisper talk.
04:27 But my web isn't strong enough to catch myself.
04:31 Uh-huh.
04:33 I sort of love the people.
04:35 My arrows pierce their bones.
04:37 But the only arrow I won't use is the one that Cupid owns.
04:43 You know, in South America, they have spiders that eat birds.
04:49 I shall win.
04:50 I shall win.
04:51 Then you're going to sulk.
04:53 No, you won't.
04:54 No, you won't.
04:55 'Cause we have a Hulk.
05:01 They have a Hulk.
05:02 They have a Hulk.
05:03 Did you hear they have a Hulk?
05:05 You're not to be in it, Arnie.
05:07 One Hulk, one Hulk.
05:09 [SCREAMING]
05:11 We're insured, right?
05:12 Yes, soup to nuts.
05:13 I need an ambulance.
05:15 Somebody call 911.
05:16 I can't feel my [BLEEP] legs.
05:19 [SCREAMING]
05:21 Let him, you damn space parasite.
05:23 You've got to stop taking over my body.
05:25 No, Hamilton.
05:27 What?
05:28 What are you talking about?
05:29 I want to see Hamilton.
05:31 Hamilton?
05:32 The hottest show in history?
05:33 Come on, I'm Eddie Brock, not the great man Drake.
05:35 You want me to get house tickets or something?
05:37 I can barely hold on to my accent.
05:38 Hamilton.
05:41 My god, what a great show.
05:43 I had no idea the Founding Fathers could rap.
05:45 Alexander Hamilton was not black, but it's still incredible.
05:49 Meet Lin-Manuel Miranda.
05:52 No, there's no way--
05:53 Ow!
05:55 Hey, ow.
05:56 I'm so-- I am so sorry, Mr. Lin-- Mr. Lin-Loranda.
05:58 Lennie LaMandolin.
05:59 Oh, don't be sorry.
06:01 I'd be surprised if people didn't sneak in to see me.
06:03 I want to touch him.
06:05 No, no, no, no, no.
06:06 Hmm.
06:07 You say I love you.
06:08 I love you, Lennie.
06:09 I love me too.
06:10 [growling]
06:11 [screaming]
06:13 I am Alexander Hamilton.
06:16 Alexander Hamilton is super cool.
06:20 And also Venom.
06:21 Lin-Venom-Manuel Miranda.
06:24 Venom!
06:25 [music playing]
06:27 [growling]
06:28 [record scratch]
06:29 You will never have Earth.
06:31 [growling]
06:32 Dr. Strange forbids it.
06:33 [music playing]
06:36 And it was only due to my skills as Sorcerer Supreme
06:40 that I was able to survive, and barely.
06:43 He just left the portal open.
06:45 You would think the Sorcerer Supreme would
06:48 be a little more careful.
06:49 I know, right?
06:50 Well, as long as you're here, how about a look around?
06:53 Hey, I'm in hell, right?
06:55 [growling]
06:56 Wow.
06:57 Ooh.
06:58 Whose bones are these?
07:00 Wait, I don't want to know.
07:01 Come on, perishable.
07:03 Get in here.
07:04 OK.
07:05 [music playing]
07:06 Seems like it was really tough there, Steve.
07:08 Good thing you Sorcerer Supreme.
07:11 Ha ha.
07:12 It wasn't like that for me, really.
07:14 Oh, that swan boat looked fun.
07:16 [record scratch]
07:17 I'm not doing a threesome with you, Screech.
07:18 If you want to disappoint two people, call your parents.
07:21 [laughter]
07:22 Zack Morris, you might think you're
07:24 the only person with superpowers,
07:26 but you are part of a larger--
07:28 Time out.
07:29 Who is this guy?
07:30 And what the heck is he doing in my bedroom?
07:32 I guess I'll find out.
07:33 Time in.
07:34 Universe.
07:35 Anything's better than school, as long
07:37 as I get a cool code name.
07:38 Like what?
07:39 My name's Zack Morris, and I stop time every day.
07:42 So my code name will be Morris Day and the Time.
07:46 Wow.
07:47 Even the laugh track wasn't crazy about that one.
07:49 [laughter]
07:51 [gunshots]
07:54 Hey, Morris Day and the Time, a little help?
07:56 Time out.
07:57 Man, this is bad.
07:58 I should have learned an actual skill
08:00 to supplement my time out power.
08:01 All I know how to do is break the fourth wall
08:03 to monologue about stuff.
08:04 [laughter]
08:06 At least I can move Hawkeye out of harm's way.
08:08 Perfect.
08:09 Time in.
08:10 Don't just stand there.
08:11 Don't--
08:12 [explosion]
08:13 Time out.
08:14 [grunts]
08:15 Oh, boy.
08:16 [panting]
08:17 Time in.
08:18 There you are.
08:19 You weren't in class.
08:20 What can I say?
08:21 The hero returns.
08:22 [audience awws]
08:23 [music playing]
08:27 [music playing]
08:30 [music playing]
08:33 [record scratch]
08:34 You should have gone for the head.
08:36 Concussions are nothing to joke--
08:38 By Asgard's asshole, stop!
08:41 Don't go, Daddy.
08:42 I'm just going out for cigarettes, sweetie.
08:44 I'll be right back.
08:46 Just try a little spinach, OK?
08:48 Look, Mommy likes it.
08:49 [music playing]
08:52 My human centipede is complete.
08:54 I must take a picture for Facebook.
08:57 Oh, come on.
08:59 Please, don't jump.
09:00 You have so much to live for.
09:02 No, I don't.
09:04 Nobody loves me.
09:05 That's not true.
09:06 Your mother loves you.
09:07 Here she is.
09:08 [click]
09:09 [beep]
09:11 [click]
09:12 Oh, hello, sweetheart.
09:14 It's your mother.
09:15 Are you washing your underwear?
09:18 [crash]
09:19 [audience awws]
09:20 Oh, how is that my fault?
09:21 And Mr. Peterson, before we start your colonoscopy,
09:24 we'll inject a small bit of air into your bowels.
09:26 You might feel some pressure.
09:28 Uh, Doc?
09:33 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
09:34 if the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.
09:40 Objection, Your Honor.
09:42 Sustained.
09:43 [thud]
09:44 [music playing]
09:48 [music playing]
09:51 Infinity.
09:57 [music playing]
10:00 Just like that.
10:05 [crash]
10:06 [beep]
10:08 [music playing]
10:12 [music playing]
10:15 [music playing]
10:18 [music playing]
10:21 (upbeat music)