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AmusantTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:02 [Music]
00:32 Here's $300 cash for my next semester, Ms. Kremser.
00:37 Count it. It's all there.
00:39 Mm-hmm.
00:41 Well, there's still an incredibly complicated hair-dyeing exam coming up, Platter.
00:47 You've got to pass that to even qualify for the final semester.
00:51 I won't let you down, Ms. Kremser.
00:54 Yeah, sure.
00:56 Look, it's Luann.
01:00 It sure has been a hard year for you, Luann,
01:04 with your boyfriend blowing up and losing all your hair and being on academic probation.
01:10 But you know, if you pass this last exam, it'll turn everything around.
01:15 [Laughter]
01:20 Sad. Very sad.
01:25 What is Kahn thinking?
01:27 He's got the best trampoline of Buckley's estate, and he's letting it go to pot.
01:32 Maybe we ought to talk to Kahn.
01:34 This is a fix-it opportunity that only happens in the movies.
01:38 Hey, I know what we could do.
01:40 Bill, remember when we got you to brush your teeth by saying you didn't know how?
01:45 Yeah. Reverse psychology.
01:49 That'll never work.
01:51 Yes, it will.
01:52 Gotcha.
01:56 [Groans]
01:57 I just took a test last semester.
02:00 [Groans]
02:01 And now I've got another test.
02:04 It's not fair!
02:05 How often in real life are you tested?
02:08 [Laughs]
02:09 Ridiculous!
02:10 Uh, yeah.
02:11 [Laughs]
02:12 Okay, then.
02:13 The girls at Beauty Academy are so mean.
02:16 [Laughs]
02:18 [Groans]
02:20 [Groans]
02:21 [Groans]
02:22 [Doorbell rings]
02:24 They are mean!
02:26 You made your point, Bill.
02:29 If you guys are here, who's guarding trash cans in alley?
02:34 [Laughs]
02:36 Say, Kahn, we were just thinking...
02:39 We don't want to fix your trampoline.
02:41 I do!
02:42 Bill!
02:43 What?
02:44 Dale!
02:45 Oh!
02:46 Now I get it.
02:47 You rednecks want to fix my trampoline.
02:50 But what's in it for me?
02:53 Well, uh...
02:54 You mowed my lawn for two months!
02:56 All right.
02:57 [Laughs]
02:59 [Laughs]
03:05 Played him like a damn fiddle.
03:08 Excellent, Sharona!
03:14 If I didn't know that tail was attached to a horse's rear end,
03:18 I'd swear it was Cher's.
03:20 Thank you, Miss Kremser.
03:22 Very good.
03:24 Excellent highlights.
03:26 [Horse neighs]
03:27 Luan Platter.
03:29 It's not fair.
03:30 My customer kept squatting flies.
03:33 Step away from the horse.
03:38 [Horse neighs]
03:39 Cher's hair's thick anyhow.
03:46 I am too going to pass that test.
03:50 Whip out those plans!
03:52 Go, go, go!
03:54 I've taken liberty of drawing up some schematics.
03:58 Now, here's the trampoline that is.
04:01 And here is the trampoline that could be.
04:05 Oh, you see that?
04:07 Uh-oh.
04:08 I'm on it.
04:09 Hey, Luan, you look pretty today.
04:12 Right, guys?
04:13 Yeah.
04:14 Very pretty.
04:16 Red-eyed pretty.
04:18 Oh, Buckley.
04:22 This was Buckley's trampoline.
04:25 It was his favorite one.
04:29 He named it Number One.
04:32 [Crying]
04:36 All right, where were we?
04:38 Yeah, that makes you pretty, buddy.
04:40 Oh, beautiful.
04:43 Well, some people say it's too bad Buckley's dead,
04:47 but I say this trampoline sure is gonna be beautiful.
04:51 Yep.
04:52 Good night.
04:53 Night, Hank.
04:54 I'll see you later.
04:55 Night, Bill Mauer.
04:56 Good night, man.
04:57 Bill.
04:58 [Yawns]
05:00 [Music]
05:04 [Giggles]
05:05 [Music]
05:17 Who are you?
05:19 What are you doing?
05:21 Well, what?
05:23 Chicken blood.
05:25 [Laughs]
05:26 Buckley!
05:27 Hey.
05:28 [Music]
05:29 Huh?
05:30 Psych.
05:31 [Music]
05:36 What happened to you, Lee and Dad?
05:39 [Music]
05:44 [Gasps]
05:45 Are you an angel?
05:47 [Music]
05:49 Buckley's angel.
05:51 Don't wear it out.
05:53 [Laughs]
06:01 [Music]
06:04 [Birds chirping]
06:10 You are an angel.
06:12 [Birds chirping]
06:15 Unless you're just a hallucination of my mind.
06:20 If you're really Buckley's angel,
06:23 then tell me something only the real Buckley would know.
06:27 Uh, you have a birthmark on your butt the shape of a Honda key.
06:31 [Gasps]
06:32 You are a real angel?
06:34 [Music]
06:47 [Music]
06:57 [Music]
07:07 [Music]
07:17 [Music]
07:27 [Music]
07:37 [Music]
07:47 [Humming]
07:49 Luann, you look positively radiant this morning.
07:53 You're not pregnant, are you?
07:55 Hm? Disregard.
07:56 All right, sausage.
07:58 All right, sausage.
08:02 I have an announcement to make.
08:04 Last night, I had a religious experience.
08:08 Ixnay, Ixnay, obby bay, too yay, un yay.
08:12 Last night, I was visited by an angel.
08:16 Buckley's angel.
08:18 Cool.
08:19 Mm-hmm, he was on the trampoline and he said to tell y'all, "Hey."
08:23 I think someone's been studying a little too hard for her beauty school test.
08:28 Tch, probably Sharona Johnson.
08:31 She's always studying. It's not fair.
08:34 Anyways, Buckley's angel and me jumped some and then, well, mostly we just jumped,
08:40 but I feel better just knowing he's okay.
08:48 An angel.
08:49 [Chuckles]
08:50 All right.
08:51 Ugh, she has given me the heebie-est of jeebies.
08:54 The angel part, sure, but the whole not crying thing, I like that.
08:59 I like that a lot.
09:00 I told her, "Use proper ventilation around those hair chemicals."
09:04 She's probably just stressed out, Peggy, but if this helps her, let her think whatever she wants.
09:10 She sees Buckley's angel, Nolan Rinesaw's arm as a rocket launcher, and the catcher's mitt as Saddam Hussein.
09:17 Don't mess with the good thing, Peggy. Just be cool.
09:21 I'm cool.
09:26 So, Luann, this angel certainly seems to have made you happy.
09:31 Oh, yes. I think that it's a sign that God is going to take care of--
09:35 Sure, sure, right. God.
09:37 I'll bet God sent you this guardian angel, this stand-on-your-own-two-feet angel.
09:44 And if you have a problem from now on, you don't have to cry,
09:47 because Buckley's angel will help you through your tests or maybe find an apartment or whatever.
09:55 Ooh, my guardian angel.
09:59 Yep. Find an apartment.
10:06 Red alert, red alert.
10:07 Hey, Broomhauer and Mr. Doughtry and Mr. Grimble.
10:13 What in the name of hell was that?
10:15 Luann claims she saw Buckley's angel last night on the trampoline.
10:20 I convinced her it was her guardian angel, and now she's on an even keel.
10:25 I should have thought of this years ago.
10:27 It's like she has a boyfriend I never have to meet.
10:32 (sighs)
10:40 Hey, look, it's Luann walking her book.
10:44 I'm not walking my book. I'm waiting for my guardian angel.
10:49 Buckley has come back from the dead to bounce on his trampoline and help me with my exam.
10:56 (laughter)
10:58 Do you hear yourself? You're crazy.
11:00 I don't have to hear myself. Buckley's angel hears myself.
11:05 Well, you're going to fail the hair dye test and flunk out of beauty school
11:09 and be able to work at the mall at the pretzel place.
11:11 And we'll all be famous hairdressers, and we'll all be on the third floor of the mall
11:16 working on the people's hair who eat pretzels at the pretzel place.
11:20 (laughter)
11:22 Well, I'll just spit on your pretzels and...
11:25 No, that's okay. I forgive you because I have a guardian angel now.
11:35 Ew.
11:36 Guardian angel, can you please melt Sharona Johnson's face?
11:42 Oh, and help me pass my test.
11:46 Buckley's angel?
11:50 Buckley's angel?
11:57 Okay, let's get to it.
11:59 What's this, a note?
12:01 Oh, that's nobody's hand. Give it back.
12:03 Dear Buckley's angel, bring me a woman, any woman.
12:07 Love, Bill F. De La T. Dautry.
12:11 That's between me and Buckley's angel.
12:14 There is no Buckley's angel. There was barely a Buckley.
12:18 That greaseball couldn't find a hammer in the megalomart.
12:21 How could he possibly find you a woman?
12:23 You have your gods, and I have mine.
12:26 Bill, shut up. Dale, lift your end.
12:32 It's a sign we've been playing God with Buckley's trampoline.
12:36 Now God is playing God with us, and he's a lot better at it.
12:41 I refuse to touch this porthole to hell.
12:45 Look, we got a project going on, and Boomhauer and I are the only sane ones around here.
12:51 I don't know, man. You know, they had a little time in the middle of it, man.
12:55 They were working on it for hours, man.
12:56 Buckley walked up and just touched the hood, man.
12:58 And the dog healed, man.
13:02 Yeah, I walked through the valley of shadow death, man.
13:05 I am this close to fixing the trampoline myself.
13:09 No, no, no! Don't touch it or the angel won't come back, and I'll be alone forever.
13:14 Ooh, it is a hot one today, huh?
13:18 So, men, have you ever had any religious visions?
13:23 This about Buckley's angel, huh, Peggy Hill?
13:25 You know?
13:26 Not too much happened in this neighborhood.
13:28 When someone comes back from dead, he gets around.
13:31 I mean, Luanne is clearly crazy.
13:34 If it was a true religious vision, why would it come to her?
13:38 I was home.
13:40 Uh-huh.
13:41 I mean, I have had my close calls.
13:43 One time I heard a voice say, "Jesus is love," right in my ear.
13:49 But then when I turned off the hair dryer, it was suddenly gone.
13:54 Amen.
13:57 Amen.
13:59 Run, Hank!
14:01 Portal to hell!
14:03 Oh!
14:05 Luanne's got everybody going angel crazy, Peggy.
14:11 Oh, don't tell me you're hearing Jesus' love again.
14:16 Jesus' love?
14:18 Yeah.
14:23 So, studying for your big hair test?
14:27 Well, I'm waiting for Buckley's angel.
14:29 I thought we might do flashcards.
14:32 Yeah, okay.
14:34 Well, I'm sure with his help you'll do just fine.
14:37 You'll pass the test, and he'll have finished his good deed,
14:41 and there'll be no need for him to come back to Earth again.
14:45 But if you do see Buckley's angel again, it'll actually be an evil angel of death.
14:52 I didn't make up the rules. It's in the Bible.
14:56 Good luck now.
14:58 Where is he?
15:11 Buckley always did this to me.
15:14 He posted he'd call on me bad, and he never showed up.
15:17 I was looking forward to that concert all week,
15:20 and when I told him, he just said "chicken feet."
15:24 He better not be guardianing some other girl.
15:28 Maybe I should drop out of beauty school, Aunt Peggy.
15:31 What? Luanne, you have wanted to go to beauty school since you were six.
15:36 You have wanted to graduate beauty school since you were 12.
15:40 If you give up on school, honey, you are giving up on your dreams.
15:44 Education is the sleeping pill that makes dreams happen.
15:48 Peggy Hill.
15:49 But school is hard. I should just give up and sell pretzels.
15:54 Uh-uh. Now you have to reach deep inside yourself
15:58 and stop depending on your uncle or your boyfriend or your boyfriend's angel.
16:03 This time, it is all up to you.
16:05 Buckley's angel helps those who help themselves.
16:09 I'll do it.
16:11 You'll help me, right?
16:13 Of course.
16:15 [snoring]
16:19 [gasps]
16:22 I don't know why you didn't come, Buckley's angel.
16:28 If this is some kind of test, I'll have to take a makeup test
16:31 because I have a makeup and hair test this morning.
16:37 [music]
16:45 Hey.
16:46 [gasps]
16:47 You finally showed up.
16:49 Thank you, Buckley's angel. Thank you.
16:53 Hey, you're going to fail the test.
16:55 What?
16:57 Yeah, I have a message from Jesus.
16:59 Something about how you suck at beauty school, except worded nicer.
17:03 Oh, here. Uh, "Luan, you really suck at beauty school. Drop out. Love, Jesus."
17:10 Huh. The underline, "really." I guess it was nicer.
17:14 I thought "angels" was supposed to be good.
17:17 You're a terrible angel, Buckley. I wish you never died.
17:21 Hey, Jesus said it, not me.
17:23 You are mean, just like when you were my boyfriend.
17:27 But I have faith in me, and I am not going to be trailer trash.
17:33 I'm going to graduate, and I'm going to do makeup,
17:36 and I'm going to have the biggest truck in Hollywood.
17:39 Jesus says you're meant for something else. He can't say what.
17:42 Well, y'all are wrong. I'm meant for beauty school.
17:45 Uh-uh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes!
17:49 [screams]
17:51 Bill!
17:53 [screams]
17:56 Oh, my gosh. Are you all right?
18:12 I think I'm okay. I was up all night studying, and I was so tired.
18:16 And I was driving, and now I'm...
18:19 Do you want to sit down?
18:21 Yes, very much.
18:23 [gasps]
18:26 [gasps]
18:27 Oh, look, I look terrible, and I have to take a test!
18:31 So?
18:32 Well, looks are 10% of the grade!
18:34 Looks? Well, what class are you taking?
18:36 I bet it's statistics with Professor Rutledge.
18:38 He's such a pig.
18:39 No, no, no, it's hair coloring with Miss Cran...
18:42 Wait. Wait, you thought that I was in school with you? In college?
18:48 Yeah, why not?
18:50 You sure you're okay?
18:52 Yeah, 'cause we've got to go watch Saturday Night Fever for our American Cultures class.
18:56 Yeah, I'm okay.
18:58 Well, good luck on your test.
19:17 Hey, Luan, where's your guardian angel?
19:20 Parking the car?
19:22 [laughing]
19:24 All right, let's begin.
19:29 Gloves on!
19:31 So, uh, any angel sightings this evening?
19:46 No, not yet.
19:48 Oops!
19:52 Well, now, what's this?
19:54 Huh, it's a letter.
19:56 From the desk of Buckley's Angel.
19:59 [gasps]
20:00 Let's see here.
20:01 "Dear Bill, Boomhauer, and Dale,
20:04 I have been unable to find a woman for Bill, any woman,
20:09 or a crankshaft from a 1968 Dodge,
20:13 and the porthole to hell is actually located in Hank's garage,
20:18 near all of his tools,
20:20 which should be avoided by anyone afraid of the porthole to hell.
20:25 Well, that's that.
20:27 Goodbye, Buckley's Angel."
20:29 Goodbye, Buckley's An-- Hold the phone.
20:32 Let me see that letter.
20:34 [mumbling]
20:36 [gasps]
20:37 That's not Buckley's handwriting!
20:40 Hank!
20:41 [mumbling]
20:43 That's not a damn old shirt, man.
20:45 [mumbling]
20:47 But--
20:48 [mumbling]
20:50 Good.
20:51 Now, I believe we have a trampoline to fix.
20:55 I guess I can pitch him a little bit.
20:58 [laughs]
21:04 Guess what!
21:05 You aced the exam!
21:07 I knew it!
21:08 Oh, congratulations, Luann!
21:10 No, no, no, no, no!
21:12 Even better, Aunt Peggy!
21:15 Buckley's Angel came back, and then I almost hit a wiener wagon.
21:19 But first, Buckley said Jesus said that I was meant for something else,
21:22 and I thought Jesus meant something worse.
21:24 And then I remembered you telling me not to give up on my dreams,
21:28 and I realized that he meant something better.
21:31 And I got my tuition refund from Miss Kramser,
21:34 and enrolled in Ireland Community College,
21:37 just like Jesus said!
21:39 [laughs]
21:40 College? Real college?
21:42 Oh, Luann, you are dreaming with the big boys now.
21:46 This is the happiest day of my life!
21:49 Luann, well, that's great!
21:52 I mean, wow!
21:54 You'll be moving into a dorm!
21:56 All of our dreams have come true!
21:58 Um, well, Uncle Hank, with tuition and books and back-to-school clothes,
22:05 I can't afford to move out now.
22:09 [music]
22:12 Well, I guess as long as you're in school,
22:16 bettering yourself and whatnot...
22:18 Thank you, Uncle Hank!
22:20 Don't thank me.
22:23 Hug your Aunt Peggy.
22:25 I'm going to start out as a liberal artist!
22:28 I might even go premed. It's really the same as being a cadmium...
22:31 Huh. I didn't know there was a wiener wagon stopping in Ireland.
22:35 Obviously not. Or you would have taken me.
22:40 Hey.
22:51 [gasps]
22:52 Uh, I just came back to say I'm sorry I bailed out of the car.
22:58 I knew you weren't really a jerk.
23:01 Yeah.
23:02 Well, uh, I gotta go.
23:05 Jesus is having a party tonight. It's gonna rock.
23:08 There'll probably be a lot of people there, but if you see Jesus,
23:13 don't mind I said thanks.
23:16 Goodbye, Buckley.
23:18 Before I go, um, could I have one last kiss?
23:23 [kissing sounds]
23:26 No. That part's over.
23:30 Why?
23:32 Chicken thigh.
23:56 Hey. New record. Cool.
24:21 Buckley's angel.
24:26 Buckley's angel!
24:30 I'm so alone.
24:33 I have to commute to Houston every day.
24:35 That city one big stinkhole.
24:37 Did I make the right decision, Buckley's angel?
24:40 No.
24:41 Buckley's angel!
24:43 Why you not come to me instead of that redneck little hot potato?
24:48 Oh, Buckley's angel!
24:51 [angry grunting]