Category
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AmusantTranscription
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 (upbeat music)
00:05 (upbeat music)
00:10 (upbeat music)
00:15 (upbeat music)
00:19 (bell ringing)
00:22 (upbeat music)
00:31 (engine revving)
00:34 (horn honking)
00:42 - Yeah.
00:48 (laughing)
00:49 - Yeah, who am I?
00:51 That is right right here.
00:53 - She is power.
00:54 Enormous yellow power.
00:57 - I feel like my whole life's been leading to this day.
01:01 - So let's see how you guys did.
01:03 - It's the biggest septic tank they had.
01:06 They sold one just like it to a bowling alley in Austin.
01:10 - Guy tried to put us in a little home unit.
01:12 I told him, "You don't know Bill."
01:15 - Yeah, it's what he said.
01:17 - It's a shame we have to put her in the ground.
01:20 I should have hit the old tank by now, Bill.
01:29 - Are you sure you surveyed it precisely?
01:31 - Uh, sure.
01:33 I mean, that's my recollection.
01:37 Oh, there, that's where it is.
01:41 My mistake, sorry.
01:43 (upbeat music)
01:49 Maybe the tank's in the front, I don't know.
01:52 - You just killed your whole back lawn.
01:58 - A perfectly innocent lawn.
02:00 - Okay, big shot, where's your tank?
02:03 - Side lawn, eight feet out,
02:04 nine feet, seven inches from the pavement.
02:07 - Side lawn, mine's on the side lawn too.
02:09 - Bill, you can't just mark it where you think it might be.
02:15 That's not real marking.
02:17 - The flag is in.
02:19 - I am the hoe master.
02:21 Hear me hoe.
02:23 - Bill, no!
02:26 (screaming)
02:29 - Hank?
02:33 - Hank, you were right about it being complicated,
02:36 but wrong to make me wanna try it so badly.
02:39 - Where you going?
02:41 - To buy the L pipes for your septic tank.
02:43 - Road trip.
02:45 - You're staying here.
02:46 - Didn't I come?
02:47 - No.
02:48 - I'll stay in the truck.
02:51 - No, he's right.
02:55 I never would've stayed in the truck.
02:57 - No, that's a straight pipe.
03:00 I'm looking for an L pipe.
03:02 - L's are straight.
03:04 - Lowercase, maybe, but, okay, fine.
03:07 I'm looking for a capital L pipe.
03:09 It bends at a right angle.
03:11 - Pipes don't bend.
03:12 All pipes are straight.
03:14 - All pipes can't be straight.
03:16 If they were, your department store
03:18 wouldn't be selling those U pipes
03:20 right behind your shoulder.
03:23 - Those aren't pipes.
03:25 - Well, wait a minute.
03:27 You're sized drill bit.
03:28 There are different sized holes.
03:30 How do you think that happens?
03:31 - Pipe is?
03:32 - What the?
03:43 Stupid.
03:45 - Nice truck.
03:48 - Does the job, then some.
03:51 - Did you get the recall notice about the belts?
03:54 - Back in '94?
03:55 - Yep.
03:56 - Got it.
03:57 So, pick up some kind of L pipe?
03:59 - Yep, two and a quarter inch.
04:01 - Septic?
04:03 - Yeah, it's my neighbor's.
04:04 We rented a loader backhoe for the job.
04:07 - I hear Mason's got a new design.
04:09 - That's what I rented.
04:10 - Well, then I won't keep you.
04:21 - But then, my professor says to me
04:23 that I have the greatest potential
04:25 of any junior college student that he's ever seen.
04:28 And then he asked me to dinner
04:30 to talk about it some more.
04:32 And drinks.
04:34 - Dinner and drinks?
04:36 Luann, honey, I'm so proud of you.
04:39 Well, what are you smiling about?
04:43 - Well, I met a guy.
04:45 - Uh-huh.
04:46 - Yeah, at the Megalomart.
04:48 We have the same truck, same year, same color.
04:52 Smart guy, too.
04:53 He knew what an L pipe was for.
04:55 It was nice.
04:57 - Are you gonna see him again?
04:58 - Oh, I don't know.
04:59 You know, just a one-time thing
05:01 with a guy in a parking lot, you know, that's all.
05:04 - Hey, L pipe, how you doing?
05:15 You filling up a super?
05:18 - Regular.
05:19 - Just kidding.
05:20 - Oh. (laughs)
05:22 (Luann sighs)
05:25 (door slams)
05:27 (gentle music)
05:32 Hey, you got some place you need to be,
05:41 or maybe you wanna grab a beer?
05:44 - Imported?
05:46 - What?
05:47 Oh, no, domestic.
05:49 Oh. (laughs)
05:51 Imported.
05:52 I gotta watch you.
05:55 You know, Peggy, we're having the best time.
06:17 - No, we didn't talk about that.
06:19 No, he didn't mention it.
06:22 That didn't come up either.
06:25 Look, I'll be home later.
06:26 - More, more, more.
06:43 - Is it open?
06:45 - Almost, try again.
06:47 - Well, what are you doing?
06:50 Get out of there.
06:53 Did you stop to think that maybe the backhoe
07:00 wasn't the best tool for opening up a beer can?
07:03 - Yeah, Hank, I did.
07:05 - That, no, man.
07:10 - Hank did it.
07:13 - What would you guys think if someone had a beer
07:16 with us out here?
07:17 - Like someone just wanders over like a stranger?
07:21 - No, no, this guy I know.
07:23 Good guy.
07:24 - It's a big alley.
07:28 (car horn honks)
07:32 - Hank sure does seem excited.
07:37 - Hal, this is Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer.
07:41 - Hey, fellas.
07:42 - Yo.
07:43 - Say, look, Hank told me about your situation
07:46 and I was thinking you could just use a metal detector
07:48 to trace the pipes back to your tank.
07:50 - Ha, a metal detector?
07:55 The detector would go off constantly
07:58 due to the high levels of extraterrestrial alloy
08:01 in our soil, which acts as a homing beacon
08:04 to the Martian capital of Grrrr City.
08:09 - (laughs) Yeah, that's a good joke, Dale.
08:16 Dale sure can tell a joke.
08:19 - Hey, you know, on the way over,
08:20 I passed this huge track hoe, 14-tonner.
08:23 What do you say we go check her out?
08:24 - Sorry, but we've got business to transact.
08:28 - I'll go.
08:29 (gentle music)
08:32 - Hank's gonna come back.
08:42 - No.
08:44 - Nope.
08:44 - No.
08:46 - Nope.
08:50 - Man, this is a dang old pathetic, man.
08:53 I would've got a better thing to do
08:54 than sitting around with that dang old,
08:56 I'm talking about old Jenny cam, man,
08:58 over ditches and getting that shower run by an old lady.
09:01 - Not surprised Boob Howard stayed as long as he did.
09:06 - All right, then.
09:19 - Yep.
09:19 (sighs)
09:21 (engine rumbles)
09:24 - Grrrr.
09:32 - What are you guys doing?
09:34 - Oh, so you care what we're doing, do you?
09:38 - He doesn't care.
09:40 - You said you'd be back in a minute.
09:44 We waited a minute, then we waited another.
09:48 Then after about a million minutes,
09:51 I forgot why I was counting.
09:54 - Well, what's the big deal?
09:55 You don't get upset when I come home late from work.
09:58 - One, we get very upset when you work late,
10:01 and two, you were out with him.
10:06 - Didn't you think Peggy might be worried,
10:09 you being gone so long?
10:12 - I called her.
10:13 - Yeah, well.
10:16 (snoring)
10:18 (upbeat music)
10:21 - We're being phased out.
10:25 - Out.
10:26 - Ha, ow!
10:28 - Do not watch the eyes, Bobby.
10:30 The eyes cannot be trusted.
10:33 - Fool me once, shame on you.
10:35 Fool me twice, ow!
10:38 - Hey Peggy, Hal just took me to this store
10:41 that only sells fireplace hardware.
10:43 - Fireplace hardware?
10:45 Boomhauer must have been in hog heaven.
10:48 - Ah, yeah, well, I didn't really invite Boomhauer,
10:52 or Bill, or Dale for that matter.
10:55 - Mom!
10:57 - What?
10:58 Part of the fun with Hal is doing new stuff
11:01 with someone new, and if the guys can't handle that,
11:04 well, that's why I don't tell 'em.
11:06 (upbeat music)
11:12 (door bell rings)
11:15 - Hank!
11:19 - Hal?
11:20 - So where's that bait and tackle shop
11:24 you want shut up about?
11:25 - False alarm, Hank.
11:27 Went last night, they didn't know a floater from a sinker.
11:30 Now you wanna see a great new store,
11:32 make a left at the light, then out the McMaynorberry.
11:35 Sports shop that spins around.
11:38 Used to be a restaurant.
11:39 - Hmm.
11:41 (dramatic music)
11:44 - 10-15, Hank picks up Hal.
11:48 - What?
11:50 - 10-15, Hank picks up Hal.
11:54 - What?
11:56 - I said 10-15, Hank picks up Hal.
11:59 - Oh, Hank and Hal I see.
12:05 (ominous music)
12:11 - So this guy's trying to fill a service tank.
12:14 - Uh-huh.
12:15 - And the drip lip vent is in the six o'clock position.
12:18 - But instead of 12?
12:20 - Exactly.
12:21 You sure you never worked in propane?
12:24 - Hobby, that's all.
12:25 - I'm losing him, slowly.
12:30 ♪ And the night got deathly quiet ♪
12:39 ♪ And his face lost all expression ♪
12:42 ♪ Said if you're gonna play the game, boy ♪
12:45 ♪ You gotta learn to play it right ♪
12:48 ♪ You got to know when to hold 'em ♪
12:51 ♪ When to hold 'em ♪
12:53 ♪ I was a highway man ♪
12:56 ♪ Along the coach roads I did ride ♪
13:01 ♪ With sword and pistol by my side ♪
13:05 - Dang it, brother.
13:07 (ominous music)
13:09 (grunting)
13:14 - Hey, what's that?
13:16 There, there, over there.
13:18 Hey.
13:19 - Dale, Bill?
13:29 - Dale, Bill?
13:36 - Boy, I tell ya, your tank's as big as a school bus.
13:40 Laid in pretty nicely, all the same.
13:42 - All I see is trespassing.
13:44 - Hank?
13:47 - Hal?
13:48 - That was our project.
13:55 - You should be thanking me.
13:57 Hal worked that backhoe so fast,
13:59 we're gonna save a couple days rental.
14:01 - Yeah, and with the money you saved,
14:02 you can buy your friend Hal a dozen roses.
14:06 - Now you're buying him roses?
14:08 That's it, Hank.
14:10 It's us or him.
14:13 - You can't make me choose.
14:15 - Us or him.
14:16 - All right, him.
14:17 - Him means Hal, you know.
14:21 - That's the way we phrase the question.
14:23 (upbeat music)
14:29 - You know where I think we went wrong?
14:31 Making him choose.
14:33 - Where we went wrong is not staying with that backhoe.
14:37 Whoever controls the backhoe controls Hank.
14:41 - You think?
14:42 - Yes, I do think.
14:44 As long as we're, for lack of a better word,
14:47 incompetent with the backhoe, we will be Hank-less.
14:52 - Well, I know a place we can practice.
14:54 The Army's got an old minefield.
14:57 No one's ever there.
14:58 - Don't be insane, Bill.
15:00 We'll never get past security.
15:02 But I know an abandoned pet cemetery with our names on it.
15:07 (upbeat music)
15:10 Nice hole, Bill.
15:17 - Thank you.
15:18 - May I?
15:20 - Please.
15:21 - Nickel says I can pick that dandelion over there,
15:27 bring it back here, blow on it, and make a wish.
15:32 - Come on.
15:33 - Come on, honey pie.
15:35 - Come on, baby.
15:36 - Come on, baby.
15:37 - Come on.
15:38 - Come on, baby.
15:39 - Bill, shift your weight, lean forward.
15:40 - All right.
15:41 (Bill grunts)
15:46 (Bill screams)
15:49 - Maybe we could hold onto that tree branch
15:57 and swing out the hole like a monkey in the jungle.
16:01 (tree branches crashing)
16:05 - Help!
16:13 Someone help!
16:16 - Oh, forget it.
16:21 No one can hear us, or if they can, they don't care.
16:24 You're lucky.
16:26 You're in the Army.
16:27 You've got a tracking device in your teeth.
16:30 They'll find you.
16:32 - I'll tell 'em where you are.
16:34 - You're good people.
16:35 - Hell, it's Hank.
16:38 Beer?
16:40 Sure.
16:41 Well, no, that won't work.
16:43 My wife will have dinner ready in an hour
16:46 and you're over 20 minutes away.
16:48 Yeah, next time.
16:51 So, Bobby, you know it's been a while
16:56 since we've had a shoeshine party.
16:59 - I'll get my box.
17:01 - Hank, you don't really wanna watch Bobby shine your shoes.
17:05 Honey, why don't you go out into the alley
17:07 and have a beer with the guys?
17:09 - Uh, all right.
17:11 What about Bobby?
17:13 - Well, it is Sp-Peggy and Meatballs night.
17:17 You do not have to worry about Bobby.
17:19 (gentle music)
17:23 (gentle music)
17:25 - Boom, how are?
17:32 - No, Hank.
17:33 - Yep.
17:43 - Yep.
17:45 - Used to be a lot more lively around here.
17:53 - Yep.
17:54 - So, got any big dates?
17:59 - Man, leave me alone, man.
18:00 I'm talking about no questions, man.
18:02 No questions, questions, questions.
18:03 Man, I don't like nobody, not my damn mother, man.
18:05 No, no, man, but, but, but, man,
18:07 when you gonna get married?
18:08 They don't make me grandmother, no.
18:09 No, they don't, man.
18:10 (gentle music)
18:20 - An exterminator in a pet cemetery.
18:24 I have many enemies here.
18:26 Took me about 17 minutes to get here.
18:34 - Huh, took me 18.
18:38 Maybe tomorrow we can meet, I don't know,
18:43 that exon over there.
18:44 That oughta even things out.
18:46 - Man, I don't know.
18:47 I only get a 45 minute lunch hour.
18:49 Let's try getting together tonight.
18:50 - Eh, I don't know.
18:53 By the time I get home from Strickland Propane
18:56 and come down from the day--
18:57 - Let's shoot for next Saturday.
18:59 - Yeah, yeah.
19:00 Oh, no, Saturday's Bobby's football game
19:06 and he really likes me to watch it with him.
19:09 - Huh.
19:11 - Hmm.
19:13 - Huh.
19:19 - Guess this is it then.
19:20 - Yeah.
19:22 Well, you take care of that truck of yours.
19:28 (gentle music)
19:34 (horn honking)
19:48 - You got it.
19:49 (sighing)
19:53 - I'm gonna miss that crazy bastard.
19:55 - We invested all that time and effort, maybe,
20:05 in Hank and he is forsaking us.
20:09 - No, everything forsakes me.
20:11 I mean, sometimes I think I should just
20:15 stop putting myself out there.
20:18 - We don't need Hank.
20:21 We are two beta males at the top of our game.
20:26 - And you didn't mention that we're lovable
20:29 and that I've got a lot of love to give.
20:32 - I know.
20:32 - Has Mark been treating you, sir?
20:38 I took a pretty big hit today.
20:41 I got worries.
20:43 (footsteps)
20:45 - Where's my backhoe, Hank?
20:50 - Hey, how are you?
20:51 You wanna come in, have a beer?
20:52 - I want my backhoe.
20:54 - It wasn't returned by Dale Gribble or Bill Dautreve?
20:58 - No.
20:59 - I saw them drive off on Joyride with backhoe.
21:04 You mean they missing?
21:07 Man, yeah, hey, man, two down, two to go.
21:12 (upbeat music)
21:14 (upbeat music)
21:17 (upbeat music)
21:20 (upbeat music)
21:34 (upbeat music)
21:42 (upbeat music)
21:44 - Huh?
21:53 - There's gotta be something to eat in that box.
21:57 - Look who you got, no!
21:59 (laughing)
22:01 - Looks like a fun project.
22:02 - No!
22:04 - It is none of your business.
22:06 We were just on our lunch break, which is over.
22:10 So if you do not mind, we will be getting back to work.
22:15 - Yeah, that's good.
22:16 Did you see it move?
22:18 - All right, well, I'll get out of your hair.
22:20 But before I go, I am curious.
22:22 What's the best way of driving out of that hole?
22:25 I mean, you guys have more experience
22:30 with this machine than me.
22:31 What do you think?
22:32 Would it be better to widen the hole beyond the tree,
22:35 then extend the boom, plant the bucket,
22:37 let out the outriggers, then release and replant the bucket?
22:41 - Wait, wait, we'll humor your little experiment,
22:46 but you'll have to slow down.
22:48 - On your left there, pull the extender as far back as--
22:51 - Left, is it?
22:53 - Yeah, the lever closest to me.
22:55 Take that in your hand.
22:58 Good.
23:00 Little more, little more, keep going, good!
23:04 (dramatic music)
23:08 (Hal grunting)
23:10 - My legs!
23:11 - Well, you haven't moved in about 50 hours.
23:14 - Yeah, thanks, but no thanks, Hal's friend.
23:17 - Where is Hal?
23:21 Huh, Hank?
23:24 (gentle music)
23:27 Hal's gone. - Yep.
23:30 - All right, let's go.
23:31 - You think you can ignore me for two days
23:35 and then act like nothing happened?
23:38 - All right, look, you guys are something Hal will never be.
23:42 My neighbors.
23:43 - Apology accepted.
23:46 (Hal grunting)
23:49 - Friendship is our country's sweetest wine.
23:56 - All right, you're very delirious.
24:02 (engine rumbling)
24:05 - So I was thinking on the backhoe rental,
24:08 your friend Hal should chip in.
24:11 I mean, he used it too.
24:13 - I can put you back in the ground.
24:16 (upbeat music)
24:26 (upbeat music)
24:28 (upbeat music)
24:31 (Hal cheering)
24:50 (upbeat music)
24:57 (blows raspberry)