Haunted Mansion 2023 - Death Race HD Full Movies
Haunted Mansion 2023 - Death Race HD Full Movies
A woman and her son enlist a motley crew of so-called spiritual experts to help rid their home of supernatural squatters.
A woman and her son enlist a motley crew of so-called spiritual experts to help rid their home of supernatural squatters.
Transcript
00:00:00 (engine revving)
00:00:02 (upbeat music)
00:00:05 (engine revving)
00:00:08 (upbeat music)
00:00:16 (engine revving)
00:00:26 (upbeat music)
00:00:34 (upbeat music)
00:00:36 (engine revving)
00:00:49 (upbeat music)
00:00:54 (upbeat music)
00:00:57 (engine revving)
00:01:16 (upbeat music)
00:01:19 - Oh, great American multitude
00:01:31 and sports fans everywhere.
00:01:33 Today we inaugurate the 20th annual
00:01:36 Transcontinental Road Race.
00:01:39 Today, the five bravest young men and women
00:01:44 in this bravest of nations will risk their lives
00:01:48 in the greatest sporting event
00:01:50 since the days of Spartacus.
00:01:52 Three days hence, a new American champion will be crowned
00:01:57 for all the world to behold in awe,
00:02:02 in respect, in fear.
00:02:05 All right, all right.
00:02:07 This is Junior Bruce, your buddy, buddy, and mine.
00:02:11 And I'll be giving you the blow by blow, play by play
00:02:14 when the kings and queens of the open road
00:02:16 roar onto the track.
00:02:18 Do I hear the sound of engines?
00:02:20 (engine revving)
00:02:21 It's calamity Jane Kelly, queen of the road,
00:02:25 at the wheel of that mean old Ornery Stunt Bull.
00:02:28 (crowd cheering)
00:02:31 Zanie Janey, winner of this year's trials at Watkins Glen,
00:02:36 placed second in 1998 and led in last year's second lap
00:02:40 until she went out with gear trouble.
00:02:42 Her fans and lovers everywhere
00:02:44 wish Janey better luck this year.
00:02:47 - My fans can wish me all the luck they want.
00:02:49 My luck with my lovers gets any better,
00:02:51 I'll miss the race completely.
00:02:53 Isn't that right, Pete?
00:02:54 (crowd cheering)
00:02:56 - At the start of the race, only a heartthrob away,
00:02:59 this is Grace Pander on the spot, as usual,
00:03:03 to welcome the greatest racer of all time
00:03:06 and a very dear friend of mine.
00:03:09 - Yes, in just a moment, he will be coming through the doors.
00:03:13 - There is no cause for alarm.
00:03:23 The patient has been flown in from abroad
00:03:24 in a state of suspended animation
00:03:27 in order to facilitate the healing
00:03:28 of his recent limb transplants.
00:03:31 He should be coming around any moment now.
00:03:33 (crowd murmuring)
00:03:38 - I don't believe it.
00:03:40 (crowd gasping)
00:03:45 - Frankenstein, can you give me an exclusive?
00:03:49 How are things abroad?
00:03:50 - How is Mr. President?
00:03:52 Is he still in Moscow?
00:03:54 - Mr. President is in his summer palace in Peking.
00:03:58 He loves everybody.
00:04:02 - And everybody loves him.
00:04:04 (crowd cheering)
00:04:06 - Here she is, that adorable swastika sweetheart,
00:04:11 Matilda the Hun from Milwaukee,
00:04:14 and her lovable Nazi navigator, Herman the German Fox.
00:04:19 (crowd cheering)
00:04:23 Matilda, Herman, do you think this is your turn
00:04:32 to be first and foremost in sunny California?
00:04:36 - Today, California.
00:04:37 - Tomorrow, the world.
00:04:38 - Bye, Herman.
00:04:39 - I hope your buzz bomb has a little more juice
00:04:43 in its warhead this year.
00:04:45 - Whoever named your car the Bull was only half right.
00:04:54 - Frankenstein, will Mr. President fly in
00:04:57 to crown the winner of the race?
00:04:59 - Yes.
00:04:59 - Is it true that with your new mechanical arm,
00:05:02 you can shift gears in less than a 20th of a second?
00:05:05 Would you care to comment on that?
00:05:07 - No.
00:05:08 - How do you feel about going into the race
00:05:10 with a navigator you've never met?
00:05:12 - You'll love Annie, she's a red hot sex pot.
00:05:15 - She better be a red hot navigator.
00:05:17 - No more questions.
00:05:22 - It's the lion, and at the wheel,
00:05:24 Ray Nero the Hero Lodegan.
00:05:28 Never has finished the Transcontinental,
00:05:30 but three big wins in the provinces this season,
00:05:33 plus a brand new beast, means Nero's not fiddling around.
00:05:38 - Sit still, Cleopatra, and stop blocking me.
00:05:42 My fans want to see me.
00:05:43 - They've never seen a has-been before?
00:05:46 - Annie Smith?
00:05:54 - Mr. Frankenstein.
00:05:56 I've checked out the car and everything seems perfect.
00:06:00 I have the route maps right here.
00:06:02 I will check them in a minute.
00:06:03 We will roll when everything seems perfect to me.
00:06:11 - I've packed some high protein capsules
00:06:14 and as many adrenaline tablets as I could find.
00:06:17 And I've also assembled a medical kit, just in case.
00:06:21 I'm trained as a nurse.
00:06:22 - I don't need a nurse, I need a navigator.
00:06:26 - Mr. Frankenstein, you're very good at what you do,
00:06:30 and I'm very good at what I do.
00:06:32 - We'll see.
00:06:34 - And you know, there's only one person
00:06:39 who guns an engine like that.
00:06:42 It's gotta be the roughest, tough guy of them all,
00:06:45 Machine Gun Joe Baturbo!
00:06:47 Here he comes, Machine Gun Joe,
00:06:54 loved by thousands, hated by millions.
00:06:57 Only living previous winner except for Frankenstein.
00:07:01 Highest lifetime score after Frankenstein,
00:07:03 and he's certainly getting the welcome he deserves.
00:07:07 (crowd chanting)
00:07:11 Joe doesn't look too happy,
00:07:12 but you just can't keep those Frankenstein fans down.
00:07:17 - Lousy sons of bitches.
00:07:19 - Frankenstein!
00:07:21 - Give it to them, Joe.
00:07:22 - More Frankenstein!
00:07:24 I'll give you Frankenstein!
00:07:25 (guns firing)
00:07:28 - Here he comes, here he comes!
00:07:34 - Frankenstein!
00:07:35 Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible,
00:07:40 sole survivor of the Titanic pileup of '95,
00:07:44 only two-time winner of the Transcontinental Road Race.
00:07:48 Frankenstein, ripped up, wiped out,
00:07:51 battered, shattered, creamed and reamed,
00:07:54 a dancer on the brink of death.
00:07:56 Frankenstein, who lost a leg in '98, an arm in '99,
00:08:01 with half a face and half a chest,
00:08:03 and all the guts in the world, he's back.
00:08:07 God only knows what he looks like under that mask,
00:08:10 but he is back.
00:08:12 In the name of Mr. President,
00:08:14 America loves you, Frankenstein!
00:08:17 (crowd cheering)
00:08:19 - Thank you, darling, thank you.
00:08:23 (crowd cheering)
00:08:26 - You will regret that, Joe.
00:08:31 (crowd chattering)
00:08:34 - Stay tuned, racing fans.
00:08:38 T-Video's satellite will bring every mile
00:08:40 of thrills and spills into your living room.
00:08:43 All five cars are in starting position
00:08:46 here at New York Memorial Raceway, ready to roll.
00:08:50 Now, we take you to the Summer Palace
00:08:53 and Mr. President.
00:08:55 (bells jingling)
00:08:58 - My children, whom I love so dearly.
00:09:13 It has been my duty in the long and difficult years
00:09:19 since the world crash of '79.
00:09:23 To serve you as best I could.
00:09:27 Never before in history have masses forgone all combat
00:09:32 so that the spirit of genius might thrive
00:09:34 and seek the golden key to a new time of plenty
00:09:39 in the fertile field of minority privilege.
00:09:43 And now, my children, the drivers are ready,
00:09:46 the world is waiting.
00:09:47 Once more, I give you what you want.
00:09:51 (bells jingling)
00:09:54 (car engine roaring)
00:09:57 - Good morning, Americans.
00:10:06 Once again, the race is underway
00:10:08 with 12-hour pit stops scheduled
00:10:11 at St. Louis and Albuquerque,
00:10:13 home of the American Indian Museum.
00:10:16 At this very moment, the cars are howling
00:10:18 through the streets of Manhattan,
00:10:20 but no points have been scored as yet.
00:10:23 Take it away, Junior Bruce.
00:10:26 - They're coming out of the Lincoln Tunnel now
00:10:29 with Frankenstein and Joe running neck and neck.
00:10:31 Then it's the Lion driven by, passed by,
00:10:34 Calamity Jane in the ball, moving into third place.
00:10:38 (car engine roaring)
00:10:42 (tires screeching)
00:10:45 (car engine roaring)
00:10:49 (tires screeching)
00:10:52 (tires screeching)
00:11:16 (tires screeching)
00:11:19 - All right, and hey, hey, hey,
00:11:44 the cars have split up, the drivers taking off
00:11:47 on their favorite routes.
00:11:49 Frankenstein still out in front, headed due west
00:11:52 with Nero the hero on his tail,
00:11:54 hoping to pick up his leftovers.
00:11:56 Calamity Jane's on a Northwest hack.
00:11:58 Matilda's buzz bomb is trying to catch up
00:12:00 with Machine Gun Joe, now streaking Southwest.
00:12:04 Once again, Mr. President.
00:12:06 - I have made the United Provinces of America
00:12:09 the greatest power in the known universe.
00:12:12 I have also given you the most popular sporting event
00:12:17 in the history of mankind, the Transcontinental Road Race,
00:12:22 which upholds the American tradition of no holds barred.
00:12:27 - No holds barred.
00:12:28 That's how he got to be president.
00:12:32 Hypocrite pig, what about our ultimatum?
00:12:35 He's been laughing us off for 15 years.
00:12:37 Passive resistance means nothing to him.
00:12:40 - Pick up that flag, young man.
00:12:42 It's time for action.
00:12:43 - It is not a time for violence.
00:12:46 - Mrs. Payne, I love Annie as much as you do,
00:12:48 but she's no match for Frankenstein,
00:12:51 and we can't risk letting him get away.
00:12:53 Frankenstein is the biggest target in the world
00:12:55 and a personal friend of Mr. President's.
00:12:57 - That, Lieutenant Fury, is exactly why
00:13:00 they'll call off the race, to save his life.
00:13:03 My granddaughter will succeed.
00:13:05 Don't you ever take off that mask?
00:13:07 - No.
00:13:08 Don't you know about my face?
00:13:10 - I've heard stories.
00:13:11 Nobody's ever seen it, have they?
00:13:16 - Except my other navigators.
00:13:18 - And they're all dead.
00:13:20 - So they are.
00:13:22 - They say you lost most of your jaw in the crack of '92.
00:13:29 - And my right eye in '95.
00:13:33 And my nose and my left eye in '97.
00:13:37 Most of my cranium in '98.
00:13:39 - And held together with patches of plastic.
00:13:41 Steel plates.
00:13:43 It's not a pretty sight.
00:13:45 You wanna see?
00:13:48 - Why not?
00:13:50 I've seen everything else.
00:13:52 - Remember, you're doing this on your own.
00:13:55 I take no responsibility.
00:13:56 (dramatic music)
00:13:59 - What'd you expect?
00:14:11 Another pretty face?
00:14:12 - They really love you, Joe.
00:14:19 - Yeah?
00:14:21 Then how come they ain't done it on the road proving it?
00:14:25 - Hey, you better make this left turn.
00:14:27 You'll shave off about two miles that way.
00:14:29 - Yeah, all right.
00:14:30 (engine revving)
00:14:33 (screaming)
00:14:49 - All right, all right, and yes sirree.
00:14:54 A clean hit.
00:14:55 A perfect hit.
00:14:57 And no pain for the target.
00:14:59 Too bad the guy was only 38.
00:15:01 Just two years older,
00:15:03 he'd have been worth three times the points.
00:15:05 But for the second year in a row,
00:15:07 Machine Gun Joe has splattered the scoreboard first.
00:15:12 - How'd you like that, huh?
00:15:14 Get off of that one, Myra, baby.
00:15:15 - What's the matter with this engine?
00:15:20 - I don't know.
00:15:21 Sounds fine to me.
00:15:23 - Amateurs.
00:15:25 Get back there and retard the spark for three degrees.
00:15:28 (engine revving)
00:15:45 (engine revving)
00:16:12 - Glad to see you were able to find your way back.
00:16:15 - As the cars roar into Pennsylvania,
00:16:22 the cradle of liberty,
00:16:24 it seems apparent that our citizens
00:16:26 are staying off the streets,
00:16:29 which may make scoring particularly difficult
00:16:32 even with this year's rule changes.
00:16:34 To recap those revisions,
00:16:37 women are still worth 10 points more than men
00:16:41 in all age brackets,
00:16:43 but teenagers now rack up 40 points
00:16:47 and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points.
00:16:52 The big score, anyone, any sex,
00:16:56 over 75 years old, has been upped to 100 points.
00:17:01 As always, how fast you move determines how long you live.
00:17:09 (upbeat music)
00:17:11 (speaking in foreign language)
00:17:22 (engine revving)
00:17:24 (man screaming)
00:17:51 (tires screeching)
00:17:53 - A beautiful kill, a neat kill.
00:17:58 No calamities for Jane today, no sir.
00:18:01 And you can bet she'll be getting both ears for that one.
00:18:04 - What is that?
00:18:19 - Euthanasia day at the geriatrics hospital.
00:18:22 They do it every year.
00:18:23 - Here he comes, he's coming.
00:18:25 (upbeat music)
00:18:28 (engine revving)
00:18:37 (tires screeching)
00:18:42 (man screaming)
00:18:48 - Frankenstein scores, Frankenstein scores at last.
00:18:52 But what kind of a score, boys and girls?
00:18:55 Just 110 points out of a possible big 700.
00:18:59 What do you think about that, Gracie?
00:19:01 - Well, those doctors, dear friends of mine,
00:19:05 have been pretty smug all these years
00:19:08 setting up the old folks.
00:19:09 Frankenstein must have decided it was their turn.
00:19:12 - Which only goes to show
00:19:14 that even the fearsome Frankenstein
00:19:16 has a 100% red-blooded American sense of humor.
00:19:21 (laughing)
00:19:22 - Annie saved those old people
00:19:24 and she'll deliver Frankenstein.
00:19:27 - Meanwhile, innocent people are being slaughtered
00:19:29 on our highways.
00:19:31 - Yeah, they're like Christians
00:19:33 being thrown to the gladiators.
00:19:34 (laughing)
00:19:35 But just remember, the Christians won.
00:19:38 - Did they, Mrs. Payne?
00:19:40 - I take it from your attire
00:19:42 that your sabotage operations are being carried out
00:19:45 despite my wishes?
00:19:46 - Mrs. Payne, we're set to hit 'em
00:19:52 with everything we've got.
00:19:53 - Then in the name of humanity,
00:19:56 let Operation Anti-Race begin.
00:19:59 (dramatic music)
00:20:01 How in the hell are we supposed to score in this graveyard?
00:20:10 - You're the navigator, that's your problem.
00:20:13 You better think of something pretty soon
00:20:14 or else you're gonna be out on your ass.
00:20:17 - It isn't my fault everyone scored before us.
00:20:20 You should have gone after that Boy Scout camp
00:20:21 like I told you.
00:20:22 - I tried a goddamn Boy Scout camp.
00:20:24 I'm not fast enough for Boy Scouts to move.
00:20:27 - Now here's something more your speed.
00:20:32 - Gotta be at least 200 points.
00:20:35 - If they scatter, go for the baby and the mother.
00:20:37 (dramatic music)
00:20:39 - Come on, come on.
00:20:41 (baby crying)
00:20:43 - Go for the baby, the baby!
00:20:46 - That's it.
00:20:46 Come get baby.
00:20:49 - Bye bye baby.
00:20:50 Hello, 70 points.
00:20:52 (dramatic music)
00:20:54 (explosion)
00:20:57 - Hey, I'm up here!
00:20:58 - Sit down, sit down.
00:20:59 Would you please take your places?
00:21:01 - Don't, don't care.
00:21:02 - Take your places.
00:21:02 - You're messing with me.
00:21:03 - Grace, I'm with an interview right now.
00:21:05 - Hello, ladies.
00:21:06 Isn't this just the most exciting race in years?
00:21:09 I certainly think so.
00:21:12 And guess what?
00:21:13 I have a surprise for you.
00:21:14 Mrs. Rhonda Bainbridge in person on my show.
00:21:19 (laughing)
00:21:21 The widow of Edward Bainbridge, whom as we all know,
00:21:26 was machine gun Joe Viterbo's first score.
00:21:30 Welcome to my home.
00:21:33 And may I call you Rhonda?
00:21:35 - Oh, please do, Mrs. Pander.
00:21:37 - Are we about ready here?
00:21:38 - Yeah, just about.
00:21:39 - Guess we have to go right away.
00:21:43 - As the widow of the race's first score,
00:21:49 you have won a high style two room apartment in Acapulco.
00:21:54 - Start the jam!
00:21:56 (dramatic music)
00:22:01 (tires screeching)
00:22:03 - And next year, you will be watching the race
00:22:14 on a 50 inch, three dimensional, octophonic,
00:22:18 T-video set.
00:22:20 - Feathering oppressed Americans,
00:22:22 the execution of the barbarian killer Nero the Hero
00:22:26 is the people's first stroke against the evil
00:22:30 and corrupt regime of Mr. President.
00:22:33 I am Thomasina Bain, founder and commander
00:22:39 of the Army of the Resistance.
00:22:41 For 20 years, Americans have been told
00:22:45 when to eat and when to sleep,
00:22:48 when to love and when to hate.
00:22:51 The age of obedience is over.
00:22:56 In the names of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln,
00:23:00 and Harry Truman, I call upon you to stand up
00:23:05 for your inalienable rights.
00:23:07 We declare war upon the bipartisan party,
00:23:11 on Mr. President, and on that most inhuman
00:23:15 desecration of life and liberty,
00:23:18 the transcontinental road rape.
00:23:20 I thank you.
00:23:25 - What the hell was that?
00:23:26 - I have no information.
00:23:28 - Is this race still on?
00:23:30 - I have no information.
00:23:32 - Well, what do you think?
00:23:33 - About what?
00:23:34 - About that speech.
00:23:35 - Add spice to the race?
00:23:38 - Spice?
00:23:39 They've killed Nero.
00:23:41 - Yeah, they would have got more points for me.
00:23:42 - Don't you understand?
00:23:44 They've declared war on race and on you.
00:23:47 Aren't you worried?
00:23:48 - The only thing that worries me
00:23:49 is machine gun Joe Viterbo.
00:23:51 - He's winning all you care about.
00:23:54 - Yes, it's the only standard of excellence left.
00:23:57 - Come on, here they come.
00:24:04 About finished, come on.
00:24:06 - Look at that stupid hole right in the middle.
00:24:12 They won't get through there.
00:24:14 - It's big!
00:24:20 - The birds converge from all their routes
00:24:22 and head for the first pit stop at St. Louis.
00:24:25 Machine gun Joe is still leading the field
00:24:28 with Frankenstein's second, Calamity Jane third.
00:24:31 Leaving Matilda the Hunt in fourth position
00:24:33 and Calamity Jane facing another Calamity.
00:24:36 Right now, Frankenstein's score points
00:24:39 put him just ahead of Joe.
00:24:41 - Hey, get off the road!
00:24:43 Jesus Chrysler, get off the road!
00:24:46 - Hey, dummy, come on over and hold the laps.
00:24:51 (engine revving)
00:24:54 - This sucker, where's the one that says
00:25:02 welcome Joe Viterbo?
00:25:04 - Square the center of a bitch, Joe.
00:25:05 You need every point you can get.
00:25:07 (engine revving)
00:25:10 - I only mashed him slightly.
00:25:13 - Put him out of his misery, Joe.
00:25:16 - Hey, is that fair?
00:25:17 - Yeah.
00:25:18 - Hey, should I let him go?
00:25:19 - Fair's always right.
00:25:21 (engine revving)
00:25:25 (tires screeching)
00:25:28 (engine revving)
00:25:30 (engine revving)
00:25:33 (gentle music)
00:25:56 (footsteps tapping)
00:25:59 - One thing before we begin.
00:26:14 The government would like it
00:26:15 if nobody said anything about Nero, understand?
00:26:18 He hit a tree and that's it, got it?
00:26:21 We don't want to depress anybody by--
00:26:23 - Hey, hey, everybody knows he was blown up
00:26:25 by the resistance, you schmuck.
00:26:27 It was on television.
00:26:29 - If you want to drive again next year, Mr. Viterbo,
00:26:31 you'll keep those opinions to yourself.
00:26:34 Okay, go ahead.
00:26:35 - This is Grace Pander from St. Louis,
00:26:37 where Matilda, a dear friend of mine,
00:26:41 is receiving a well-deserved rubdown.
00:26:44 Tell me, Tilly darling, what can we expect from you
00:26:47 when the cars go back on the road?
00:26:49 - You can expect a victory by a member of the master race.
00:26:54 A woman.
00:26:55 - Oh, Tilly darling, that certainly is showing
00:26:58 a lot of confidence for someone
00:26:59 who's lying fourth out of four.
00:27:01 - She doesn't mind as long as she's lying somewhere.
00:27:04 - Look, when I'm through with you,
00:27:05 you're gonna be line of state, lady.
00:27:06 - Listen, miss, if anybody is going to boot hill,
00:27:08 it's you and your biz bag.
00:27:10 - Buzz bomb. - Shut up.
00:27:11 - Look, you just leave my navigator alone.
00:27:14 - Girls, girls, girls, remember you're on TV land.
00:27:18 - Pete, how do you like being a navigator?
00:27:20 - Well, Junior, I'd like it more
00:27:23 if I was in the driver's seat.
00:27:25 - You'll get what's coming to you on the road.
00:27:28 - Oh yeah?
00:27:30 Well, what's coming to me is the final solution
00:27:32 to the Calgary problem.
00:27:34 - Frankenstein, can you tell us
00:27:35 when you're gonna make your move?
00:27:37 Are you gonna take any off-road chances for scores?
00:27:39 Or are you driving all out to be first in the new LA?
00:27:42 - It's not whether you win or lose,
00:27:45 it's how you play the game.
00:27:46 - Frankenstein, a dear friend of mine.
00:27:49 Frankenstein, tell me how it feels
00:27:50 when at that electric instant,
00:27:52 driving at 200 miles an hour,
00:27:54 life and death coexist at the moment of scoring.
00:27:57 - You stand in the middle of Route 66
00:27:59 tomorrow morning at eight o'clock.
00:28:01 And you can answer that question for yourself.
00:28:04 - What are you doing?
00:28:18 Get away from me, don't go nuts.
00:28:21 - Just tell him I was whispering sweet nothing in your ear.
00:28:24 (Myra gasps)
00:28:27 - Tell us what he said to you.
00:28:32 - Well, Myra, what did Frankenstein have to say to you?
00:28:35 - He didn't say anything.
00:28:36 He didn't say-- - What'd he say?
00:28:38 - Nothing.
00:28:38 - What'd he say? - Nothing.
00:28:40 - Look, I'm not playing games with you, Myra.
00:28:42 I wanna know what he said.
00:28:43 - He said there was nothing sweet in my ear.
00:28:46 - In my ear?
00:28:49 (Myra gasps)
00:28:51 - What do you want?
00:29:02 - My name is Laurie, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:07 I'm head of Chapter Seven,
00:29:08 St. Louis Lovers of Frankenstein.
00:29:10 I was chosen from over 100 girls.
00:29:12 - You offer me your body?
00:29:13 Is that it?
00:29:14 You wanna make love to me
00:29:16 because I drive the monster and wear this costume?
00:29:19 - No, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:29:20 But that wouldn't be fair to your navigator.
00:29:23 It's taken her years of hard work to earn that privilege.
00:29:26 Besides, we understand your feelings.
00:29:29 - What do you know of my feelings?
00:29:33 - Everything.
00:29:35 Like why you're afraid of falling in love,
00:29:38 and why winning the race means everything to you.
00:29:43 - How do you know these things?
00:29:45 - From my dreams, partly,
00:29:48 and from letters I get from other fans.
00:29:50 Plus, the club subscribes to an astrology service.
00:29:54 - Well, if you're not here to offer me your body,
00:29:56 I'll be.
00:29:57 - I wanted to meet you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:00 I wanted you to know who I am,
00:30:02 so it would have meaning.
00:30:04 - I don't understand.
00:30:06 So what would have meaning?
00:30:09 - We love you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:11 I know just saying it doesn't mean much.
00:30:14 - Why do you love me?
00:30:15 Because I kill people?
00:30:16 - Scoring isn't killing, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:19 It's part of the race.
00:30:20 You're a national hero,
00:30:23 and we want you to know we're with you, 100%.
00:30:26 Good night, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:30:29 (gentle music)
00:30:40 - Didn't hear you come in.
00:30:44 - What are you expecting, machine gun Joe?
00:30:46 I thought I could trust you.
00:30:50 - You really just don't wanna give me a chance, do you?
00:30:55 I was trying to help you.
00:30:58 - I'm sorry.
00:31:01 - You're what?
00:31:04 - Sorry.
00:31:08 - He wanted to know our route,
00:31:12 so I told him to go down 54 through the Cimarron Valley.
00:31:16 - 54 is a dead end.
00:31:21 It leads nowhere.
00:31:22 - That's right.
00:31:24 And if Joe takes it, he's sunk.
00:31:27 - The only way Joe will take that road
00:31:30 is if he sees us do it first.
00:31:32 - Or if he's ahead of us.
00:31:34 Is that the arm that came off the 98?
00:31:39 - Mm-hmm.
00:31:41 - And which one of those obviously perfect legs
00:31:46 came off the 99?
00:31:48 - The right.
00:31:49 - And the left one was just broken in six places
00:31:52 and burned down to the bone, is that right?
00:31:55 - Mm-hmm.
00:31:56 - It's a miracle you can still walk.
00:31:59 - Do you like to dance?
00:32:04 (gentle music)
00:32:06 (gentle music continues)
00:32:10 (gentle music continues)
00:32:13 (gentle music continues)
00:32:17 (gentle music continues)
00:32:20 (gentle music continues)
00:32:23 (gentle music continues)
00:32:27 (gentle music continues)
00:32:30 (gentle music continues)
00:33:00 - Those Swiss mechanics sure did a good job on you.
00:33:02 What else did they replace?
00:33:06 - Wait a minute, and I'll show you.
00:33:12 - Oh, Mr. President, bless thy children
00:33:25 and make them strong.
00:33:27 Bless thy daughters, Matilda and Jane.
00:33:29 And thy son, Joe.
00:33:31 And bless thy beloved son, the immortal Frankenstein,
00:33:36 who has given so much pleasure to so many.
00:33:40 - To hell with Frankenstein, what about Joe Venturbo?
00:33:42 (engine rumbling)
00:33:45 - The flag is down and they're away
00:33:55 with Machine Gun Joe blasting into the lead
00:33:58 on this second lap of the great Transcontinental Road Race.
00:34:02 Frankenstein is making a left turn,
00:34:04 splitting early from the pack.
00:34:06 Look out, all you folks, just south of here.
00:34:08 - Gee, Joe, there's nobody even close behind us.
00:34:11 - Shh, shh, shh.
00:34:12 - Where's he going?
00:34:13 What's he doing?
00:34:14 - Hey, what are you doing?
00:34:15 Where are we going?
00:34:17 - I dropped my glove.
00:34:18 Let not the ruin of thy roads
00:34:21 disrupt the tides of thy--
00:34:23 (tires screeching)
00:34:23 - Hey, Chrysler!
00:34:26 - Ladies and gentlemen, by a bizarre accident,
00:34:29 Frankenstein has killed our cherished colleague,
00:34:32 the deacon of the bipartisan party.
00:34:34 - I think you did that on purpose.
00:34:37 - I have to give the fans something to talk about.
00:34:40 It's my obligation as a national hero.
00:34:43 - Frankenstein scores now.
00:34:44 Does that score count, Harold?
00:34:46 - An interesting point, Junior,
00:34:49 and one that may set a significant precedent.
00:34:52 Can a racer score a race official?
00:34:55 - Oh, and after all those nice things he said about him.
00:34:58 - It don't matter, it don't count.
00:34:59 You can't score religious personalities.
00:35:01 - The word, deacon, has been handed down to us
00:35:06 from the ancient, the, uh,
00:35:08 Frankenstein's score has been approved for 50 points.
00:35:13 The confirmation has just been handed to me.
00:35:16 Why, you know what that means, Junior?
00:35:18 That means that the race officials from coast to coast
00:35:20 will be falling like flies.
00:35:23 - The Frankenstein's, ah, I hate 'em, I hate 'em.
00:35:28 - It's elevating.
00:35:29 (engine revving)
00:35:33 (engine revving)
00:35:36 (light music)
00:35:55 (engine revving)
00:36:02 (light music)
00:36:04 (screaming)
00:36:10 - Oh, why did you do that?
00:36:15 - Show me she loves me.
00:36:19 (tires screeching)
00:36:23 - Here they come, let's get set.
00:36:27 (light music)
00:36:29 (water splashing)
00:36:32 - Chicken gang.
00:36:41 Chicken in a basket.
00:36:44 - Chicken in a casket.
00:36:46 (light music)
00:36:49 - Oh, shit!
00:36:55 (water splashing)
00:36:58 (light music)
00:37:01 (laughing)
00:37:07 - Hey, who got the last laugh, huh?
00:37:10 - The turnoff, it's coming up.
00:37:19 - Should I take it?
00:37:20 - Who gives a goddamn shit?
00:37:22 - Should I?
00:37:23 She says I shouldn't, so I should, right?
00:37:24 Or should I?
00:37:25 I don't know, what?
00:37:26 - Well, I don't think you should.
00:37:27 I think it's definitely a trick.
00:37:29 - I'll do it.
00:37:30 I won't do it, I'd be a schmuck to do it.
00:37:32 I did it, I'm no schmuck!
00:37:37 - That's your story.
00:37:39 - That's right, that's right.
00:37:41 If I see you mess with Frankenstein again,
00:37:43 I'm really gonna bust your eye.
00:37:45 - What do you mean, really?
00:37:47 (light music)
00:37:50 (engine revving)
00:37:53 (tires screeching)
00:37:56 - I'll have an almost unlimited score possibility.
00:37:59 It's pretty far down the road.
00:38:01 District penitent's compound.
00:38:04 All those old congressmen chained up.
00:38:06 It'd be like sitting ducks.
00:38:08 - Yeah, and all I gotta do is drive through a cyclone fence.
00:38:11 Uh-uh.
00:38:12 - Look, the farther west we go,
00:38:14 the fewer targets there'll be.
00:38:16 Hey, come on.
00:38:17 Joe's already on his way to a dead end,
00:38:19 and the other two.
00:38:20 - Okay.
00:38:26 (engine revving)
00:38:28 Take the next right.
00:38:30 - Now, as soon as the car gets within range,
00:38:34 I shall give the signal.
00:38:35 - We'll have just under a minute
00:38:37 after they reach the turnoff.
00:38:38 - Uh-huh.
00:38:39 - Lieutenant Fury figures if we do it--
00:38:40 - Lieutenant Fury has nothing whatever to do with this.
00:38:43 I want none of his surprises here.
00:38:46 - I could stand for a surprise,
00:38:48 like if Frankenstein didn't show up.
00:38:50 - Don't worry, he'll show.
00:38:53 (engine revving)
00:38:55 - What's our estimated time of arrival in Albuquerque?
00:38:58 - Well, I'm not sure.
00:38:59 I mean, this detour is gonna make a difference.
00:39:01 - Haven't you calculated our time of arrival?
00:39:03 - Well, of course I did,
00:39:04 but I couldn't take into consideration that--
00:39:06 - Take what into consideration?
00:39:08 - Frankenstein, stop the car!
00:39:10 - Hold on.
00:39:11 (engine revving)
00:39:13 What the hell?
00:39:16 - Keep going!
00:39:17 Don't stop now, what are you doing?
00:39:19 - What are they doing?
00:39:21 (engine revving)
00:39:23 - Sorry, brother.
00:39:26 (engine revving)
00:39:28 - If that's the best ambush the Resistance can come up with,
00:39:41 we got nothing to worry about.
00:39:42 - I guess not.
00:39:43 - One thing I can't figure out
00:39:45 is why would they bother to dress that guy up to look like me?
00:39:48 - Maybe he was a fan.
00:39:50 (siren blaring)
00:39:52 - Who built this stinking road?
00:39:56 If I ever get my hands on him, I'll rip his heart out!
00:39:59 I mean it!
00:40:01 I'm sick of this race and I'm sick of you!
00:40:03 (tires screeching)
00:40:05 - I guess it must have been Joe
00:40:10 that set us up for that ambush, don't you think?
00:40:12 Got in touch with those guys somehow
00:40:14 and told them where we were going?
00:40:15 - I guess it might have been.
00:40:17 - But then how the hell did Joe know
00:40:19 we were gonna take a detour?
00:40:21 Maybe it was those guys on the pit crew in St. Louis
00:40:24 took your book out of the car
00:40:25 while you were getting massaged.
00:40:27 - I didn't leave my book in the car.
00:40:30 - You didn't, huh?
00:40:31 - No.
00:40:32 - Well, then I guess it couldn't have been them.
00:40:36 Who do you think it was?
00:40:38 - I have no idea.
00:40:39 Why do you care as long as they didn't get you?
00:40:42 - Us.
00:40:43 They didn't get us.
00:40:44 We're a team, remember?
00:40:46 (engine revving)
00:40:49 (tires screeching)
00:40:51 - Come on over to my side.
00:40:59 You're gonna drive for a while.
00:41:01 - Why?
00:41:02 I'm not trained as a driver.
00:41:03 - Never mind why.
00:41:05 Just do as I tell you.
00:41:16 - Colleen, I need to make a nice big score for us.
00:41:19 - Sure.
00:41:20 Everything's special in mind.
00:41:24 - The cover will turn up.
00:41:26 - I'm sure that it will.
00:41:29 (tires screeching)
00:41:31 (engine revving)
00:41:36 (tires screeching)
00:41:43 - Jesus H. Christ!
00:41:45 I'll kill that broad!
00:41:46 - What did I do?
00:41:47 - Shut your face!
00:41:48 Hey, Cornball, what's the fastest way through here?
00:41:53 - Well, actually, the only way we do it
00:41:56 is we get a bulldozer,
00:41:57 and we trim this edge down here,
00:41:59 and we drive through, but--
00:42:00 - No, no, what's the fastest way
00:42:01 between here and Albuquerque?
00:42:02 - You gotta go back to the main highway, really.
00:42:04 - But I lose 45 minutes!
00:42:06 - I've seen you before.
00:42:07 I'm one of your greatest fans, you know that?
00:42:09 I follow all of the races.
00:42:11 I got pictures of you all over the outhouse.
00:42:14 I named my favorite dog after you, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:42:17 I did.
00:42:18 - Lousy, stinky dirtball!
00:42:20 You got two seconds to live!
00:42:22 (dramatic music)
00:42:24 (tires screeching)
00:42:26 (gunshot)
00:42:29 (tires screeching)
00:42:33 (tires screeching)
00:42:40 (dramatic music)
00:42:42 (tires screeching)
00:42:58 - Come on, Pete, honey,
00:43:03 you're gonna take all day with that?
00:43:05 I wanna get on the road, make a few more scores.
00:43:07 My bloodlust is fading.
00:43:09 - I'm almost finished, Calamity, sweetheart.
00:43:11 We'll be back on the road in no time.
00:43:13 Then we'll cream that Nazi's ass for her.
00:43:15 - What'd you say?
00:43:16 (crash)
00:43:17 It's big!
00:43:18 (laughing)
00:43:20 You lousy bitch!
00:43:21 I'll kill you for that!
00:43:23 Nobody scores my Navigator and gets away with it.
00:43:26 (dramatic music)
00:43:28 (tires screeching)
00:43:30 (dramatic music)
00:43:32 (tires screeching)
00:43:38 (dramatic music)
00:43:40 - Uh-oh, here she comes.
00:43:46 And boy, is she pissed.
00:43:48 - Well, what does she expect?
00:43:49 You leave your Navigator lying around?
00:43:51 Naturally, somebody's gonna run over 'em.
00:43:54 (dramatic music)
00:43:56 (tires screeching)
00:43:58 (dramatic music)
00:44:00 (tires screeching)
00:44:03 (tires screeching)
00:44:06 (dramatic music)
00:44:08 (tires screeching)
00:44:10 (dramatic music)
00:44:12 (tires screeching)
00:44:14 (dramatic music)
00:44:16 (tires screeching)
00:44:18 (dramatic music)
00:44:20 (tires screeching)
00:44:22 (dramatic music)
00:44:24 (tires screeching)
00:44:30 (dramatic music)
00:44:32 (tires screeching)
00:44:34 (dramatic music)
00:44:36 - She's gaining on us, Mama,
00:44:37 and she's got murder on her mind.
00:44:39 - (speaking in foreign language)
00:44:43 (dramatic music)
00:44:45 (tires screeching)
00:44:47 (dramatic music)
00:44:49 (tires screeching)
00:44:51 (dramatic music)
00:44:53 (tires screeching)
00:44:55 (tires screeching)
00:44:57 (dramatic music)
00:44:59 (tires screeching)
00:45:01 (dramatic music)
00:45:03 (tires screeching)
00:45:05 (dramatic music)
00:45:07 (tires screeching)
00:45:09 (dramatic music)
00:45:11 (tires screeching)
00:45:13 (dramatic music)
00:45:15 (tires screeching)
00:45:17 (dramatic music)
00:45:19 (tires screeching)
00:45:21 (dramatic music)
00:45:23 (tires screeching)
00:45:25 (dramatic music)
00:45:27 (tires screeching)
00:45:29 (dramatic music)
00:45:31 (tires screeching)
00:45:33 - Here they come!
00:45:35 (dramatic music)
00:45:37 (tires screeching)
00:45:39 - A teacher, I really needed that right now!
00:45:42 (tires screeching)
00:45:44 (dramatic music)
00:45:46 (dramatic music)
00:45:48 (tires screeching)
00:45:50 (dramatic music)
00:45:52 (tires screeching)
00:45:54 (dramatic music)
00:45:56 (tires screeching)
00:45:58 (dramatic music)
00:46:00 (tires screeching)
00:46:02 (explosion)
00:46:04 (explosion)
00:46:06 (explosion)
00:46:08 (explosion)
00:46:10 (explosion)
00:46:12 - Holy shit!
00:46:14 - A special bulletin, there's been an accident,
00:46:16 an explosion, it looks like Matilda has been blown totally...
00:46:21 (fire crackling)
00:46:23 (fire crackling)
00:46:25 - Correction, Matilda has made an impressive score, stand by.
00:46:31 (engine revving)
00:46:35 - Don't you want to take over now?
00:46:37 I'm afraid I'm making us lose an awful lot of time.
00:46:40 - You're doing just fine.
00:46:42 (engine revving)
00:46:44 (fire crackling)
00:46:46 (fire crackling)
00:46:48 (fire crackling)
00:46:50 (fire crackling)
00:46:52 - Looks like an easy score.
00:46:54 - Yeah, yes it does.
00:46:56 - It's always best to start small.
00:46:58 (engine revving)
00:47:00 (engine revving)
00:47:02 (engine revving)
00:47:04 (tires screeching)
00:47:06 (tires screeching)
00:47:08 - I missed it.
00:47:09 - Take some practice.
00:47:11 - Before it comes easy?
00:47:13 - It never comes easy.
00:47:15 Keep your eyes on the road.
00:47:17 (engine revving)
00:47:20 How far is it to the penitence compound?
00:47:22 (engine revving)
00:47:24 - Oh, maybe 20 miles.
00:47:26 (engine revving)
00:47:29 - Stop the car.
00:47:31 (engine revving)
00:47:33 (tires screeching)
00:47:35 (engine revving)
00:47:37 (tires screeching)
00:47:39 - Get out.
00:47:41 Out.
00:47:43 (tires screeching)
00:47:45 (tires screeching)
00:47:49 Come to the other side.
00:47:51 Or on the front.
00:47:53 (engine revving)
00:48:00 Where is the penitence compound?
00:48:08 - It's in Japan.
00:48:12 - Get in.
00:48:19 (engine revving)
00:48:21 (tires screeching)
00:48:23 (engine revving)
00:48:25 (tires screeching)
00:48:27 - I could just push you out of this car
00:48:28 and pick up a quick 30 points.
00:48:30 Who are you?
00:48:32 Who are you working for?
00:48:34 - I'm Thomasina Payne's granddaughter.
00:48:37 - I'm honored.
00:48:40 So you were gonna capture me
00:48:43 and replace me with that goon back there.
00:48:45 What for?
00:48:47 - He was going to deliver our ultimatum to Mr. President.
00:48:51 Your life in exchange for the permanent abolition of the race.
00:48:55 (laughing)
00:49:04 (upbeat music)
00:49:07 (laughing)
00:49:09 (upbeat music)
00:49:12 - She was a great dear friend of mine.
00:49:32 And I shall remember her forever
00:49:34 howling down that freeway in the sky,
00:49:37 knocking over the angels.
00:49:40 - The valiant Hun's demise was in fact
00:49:44 caused by enemies of the people.
00:49:47 There will be a special broadcast by Mr. President
00:49:50 at 1900 hours, stay tuned to find out
00:49:55 how you can help Mr. President preserve our way of life.
00:49:59 - Come on, turn off the television.
00:50:01 - Our national honor.
00:50:02 - Hey, you guys wanna stop playing that song, please?
00:50:05 Look, what we got here is a race, a sporting event,
00:50:08 not some kind of daredevil stunt.
00:50:09 I want some kind of protection.
00:50:10 - You should have given us an escort
00:50:12 right after Nero got it.
00:50:13 - Come on, Joe, score in the escort, wouldn't you baby?
00:50:16 - You wanna zip your lip, Myra, huh?
00:50:18 Now, you gonna cover me or not?
00:50:20 - Look, Mr. Viterbo, if you're afraid to go on with the race,
00:50:23 why don't you quit?
00:50:24 - You're calling me a turkey?
00:50:25 - If you ask me, you're all just making excuses
00:50:28 for poor driving.
00:50:29 - Poor driving?
00:50:30 Listen, honey, Matilda the Hun was a champion driver.
00:50:33 Ain't nobody could have scored my navigator
00:50:35 and gotten away with it.
00:50:36 And he's talking about poor driving.
00:50:38 - I'd like to see you out there.
00:50:40 - Yeah.
00:50:41 - I've been driving for 10 years,
00:50:42 nobody talks to me like this.
00:50:43 - You know you're an idiot.
00:50:44 - It's all on account of the rebels.
00:50:45 - Who mentioned anything about rebels?
00:50:47 There are no rebels, understand?
00:50:50 - Well, then, who was that old lady on the television?
00:50:53 - Thelma St. Epane, she's a heartless lunatic.
00:50:55 - Would you please come outside, sir?
00:50:56 We'd like to ask you a few questions.
00:51:00 (dramatic music)
00:51:02 - Come on, honey.
00:51:03 - Alone if you don't mind.
00:51:05 - Mr. President will explain those accidents
00:51:07 during his address to the nation tonight.
00:51:09 - How did she jam the networks?
00:51:11 - How'd she bump off our friends?
00:51:12 - She didn't bump off anybody.
00:51:14 She walked into a television station,
00:51:15 waving a gun, forced them to put her on the air.
00:51:18 Now we've taken her back to the asylum,
00:51:19 and that is the end of it.
00:51:20 - You know, I got just two words to say about that.
00:51:23 - Oh, bullshit!
00:51:25 (dramatic music)
00:51:28 - Hey, I told you to stop playing that song!
00:51:31 - You seem to forget, Gerald,
00:51:33 that I'm a representative of Mr. President's government.
00:51:36 I happen to hold the power of life and death.
00:51:39 - Yeah, I happen to hold the clam sauce.
00:51:42 (sighing)
00:51:43 - Look out, Viterbo.
00:51:45 You may be the second biggest clown in this circus,
00:51:48 but if I want you dead, you're dead.
00:51:51 - Second biggest clown.
00:51:52 - Sit down and eat.
00:51:54 (dramatic music)
00:51:57 (guns firing)
00:51:59 - I told you to stop playing that music!
00:52:02 - Were they armed, or did they expect the fire
00:52:04 and the dish to be enough to stop you?
00:52:06 - I don't know what they expected.
00:52:07 We just ran through it all and kept on going.
00:52:11 - Just one more question, Mr. Frankenstein.
00:52:15 Did you take that particular road on your own initiative,
00:52:18 or on the advice of your navigator?
00:52:21 - On my own initiative.
00:52:24 - Thank you, Mr. Frankenstein, that will be all.
00:52:28 - There has been a lot of talk about American rebels.
00:52:34 We have positive proof that it was none other
00:52:37 than the treacherous French
00:52:39 who have been sabotaging our great race,
00:52:43 just as they and their stinking European allies
00:52:47 have undermined and destroyed our great national economy.
00:52:52 It is no coincidence, my dear children,
00:52:54 that the word sabotage was invented by the French.
00:52:59 - Where's Annie?
00:53:00 - I don't know.
00:53:01 Hey, did you hear the news?
00:53:03 Mr. President said it was the French
00:53:05 who knocked off Nero and Matilda.
00:53:07 - Watch out for the creeps who's at us.
00:53:09 - ...Machine Gun Joe Viterbo and Frankenstein
00:53:14 as they begin the last lap
00:53:16 of their long and difficult journey
00:53:19 toward new Los Angeles.
00:53:23 - Drop your keys.
00:53:28 - I was just looking for something I lost.
00:53:32 - The race?
00:53:33 - Look, Joe, I threw you off course, okay?
00:53:38 All's fair in love and war?
00:53:40 - I'm glad to hear you say that, Annie,
00:53:42 because what we've got going here definitely ain't love.
00:53:46 - Well, then why don't we just forget about it?
00:53:50 - You know, Annie,
00:53:51 these two bad things ain't like they were in the old days
00:53:54 when we'd just take somebody in an alley
00:53:56 and blow their brains out, you know?
00:53:59 - Joe, please.
00:54:01 - Go ahead and scream, Annie.
00:54:03 - You're hurting me, Joe.
00:54:04 - There's nobody to hear you.
00:54:07 Huh?
00:54:09 How does it feel to know
00:54:13 that you're gonna spend the rest of your life in pain?
00:54:16 The rest of your life is about a minute and a half.
00:54:21 - Oh, I'm sorry.
00:54:22 - Hey, Frankie, Frankie, I thought you'd navigated
00:54:25 trying to screw around with the car,
00:54:27 so I thought I'd come out and have a look
00:54:29 and show you what was going on, you know what I mean?
00:54:31 Hey, come on, Frankie.
00:54:34 (upbeat music)
00:54:37 (upbeat music)
00:54:41 (upbeat music)
00:54:44 (upbeat music)
00:54:49 (upbeat music)
00:54:54 (upbeat music)
00:54:59 (upbeat music)
00:55:04 (upbeat music)
00:55:09 (upbeat music)
00:55:14 (upbeat music)
00:55:19 (upbeat music)
00:55:24 (upbeat music)
00:55:29 (upbeat music)
00:55:34 (upbeat music)
00:55:39 (upbeat music)
00:55:44 (door slams)
00:55:47 (door slams)
00:55:49 (sighs)
00:55:52 - Upstairs.
00:55:58 - So much for a fair fight.
00:56:01 Next chance I get,
00:56:03 you're dead.
00:56:04 (gun fires)
00:56:06 - What were you doing down there?
00:56:13 Getting more secret instructions from the lunatic fringe?
00:56:16 - Why don't you just turn me in and get it over with?
00:56:24 - No need to.
00:56:26 You're blowing your cover.
00:56:29 You're no threat to me.
00:56:31 Anyway, you're not someone I would throw away.
00:56:34 - I have a job to do.
00:56:36 - Your job is a waste of time.
00:56:38 The world doesn't want to be saved.
00:56:41 I'm giving you a chance to save one small part of it.
00:56:44 Yourself.
00:56:46 - Who are you anyway?
00:56:49 - Nobody.
00:56:52 I was brought up in a government training center
00:56:55 to be just what I am, Frankenstein.
00:56:57 The best driver on earth, this year.
00:57:00 They use one up, they bring in another.
00:57:03 But I will be the last of the line.
00:57:05 - Oh, who's kidding, too?
00:57:08 - I never kid.
00:57:13 (dramatic music)
00:57:16 - Why don't you ever take off that glove?
00:57:41 - What's underneath it?
00:57:43 - That's my secret.
00:57:45 - You and the Swiss doctors again?
00:57:49 - There are no Swiss doctors.
00:57:51 Just...
00:57:54 Native American.
00:57:56 Noir.
00:57:59 (dramatic music)
00:58:02 (dramatic music)
00:58:05 - Have you checked the oil?
00:58:20 - Yes.
00:58:21 - Have you checked the hydraulics?
00:58:22 - An hour ago.
00:58:24 - Brakes, tires, water?
00:58:25 - Yeah, they're okay.
00:58:26 Everything's okay.
00:58:28 Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything
00:58:29 to sabotage the car.
00:58:32 (crowd chattering)
00:58:34 - You get a load of that face?
00:58:36 - Yeah, I wonder if somebody got points for that eye.
00:58:39 - Listen, Frankenstein, there's just you, me,
00:58:42 and Joe left in the race, and...
00:58:45 Well, I just want you to know that
00:58:46 whoever wins or whatever happens,
00:58:49 it's been really grand racing with you folks.
00:58:52 I also want to say that I think
00:58:53 you make a real nice couple.
00:58:55 - Thank you, Jane.
00:58:57 - Good luck.
00:59:00 (crowd chattering)
00:59:03 - Joe, Myra, I just want to say
00:59:09 whatever happens, whoever wins--
00:59:11 - Hey, save it for the French.
00:59:13 - The cars are started, lined up,
00:59:17 and ready to roll on the last lap.
00:59:20 They're off!
00:59:21 Frankenstein, holy crap!
00:59:23 Joe has just scored his own pit crew!
00:59:26 - You lousy sons of bitches!
00:59:28 (tires screeching)
00:59:31 - Machine gun Joe the Turbo,
00:59:33 that funny man from Chicago,
00:59:35 has scored his own mechanics for 40 points,
00:59:39 and is off the catch calamity Jane and Frankenstein!
00:59:43 (engine revving)
00:59:46 (tires screeching)
00:59:51 - Screw you, Joe the Turbo, and your mother!
00:59:54 Wait till you get to New L.A. first
00:59:56 with the highest score of two.
00:59:58 - It's coming up on the left.
01:00:00 - Forget it, I'm keeping Frankie in my sights.
01:00:03 - He's got five minutes on us, and he's stretching it.
01:00:07 - So what?
01:00:08 If there's trouble up ahead, he'll find it first.
01:00:10 - Oh, yeah, take a look at your face.
01:00:13 You'll find it first.
01:00:15 - You know, Myra, some people might think you're cute,
01:00:19 but me, I think you're one very large baked potato.
01:00:23 - Roaring down motorway 66 towards California,
01:00:27 Frankenstein looks certain to be first across the line,
01:00:30 but Machine Gun Joe is still way ahead on points,
01:00:34 and he could win the race even by arriving second
01:00:37 in New Los Angeles.
01:00:39 What's your prediction, Grace?
01:00:42 - You know, Junior, when Machine Gun Joe
01:00:45 was just a little boy in Chicago,
01:00:47 he had a pet snake that he used to love
01:00:50 to ride over with his tricycle.
01:00:52 [motorcycle engine revving]
01:00:55 [horn honks]
01:01:13 [rock music]
01:01:16 ♪
01:01:26 [glass shatters]
01:01:28 [tires screech]
01:01:30 ♪
01:01:35 [tires screech]
01:01:37 ♪
01:01:39 [tires screech]
01:01:41 ♪
01:01:51 [tires screech]
01:01:53 [tires screech]
01:01:55 [glass shatters]
01:02:07 ♪
01:02:14 [motorcycle engine revving]
01:02:23 [explosion]
01:02:34 [explosion]
01:02:37 - Break out the thermos and pipe, Rodrigue.
01:02:47 - Coming right up.
01:02:49 [motorcycle engine revving]
01:02:52 - Here. I didn't mean to hold it off.
01:03:16 - Thanks. What flavor is it?
01:03:18 - Uh, vanilla.
01:03:20 - Hmm, not my favorite.
01:03:22 Isn't it vanilla?
01:03:28 It's peach or something.
01:03:30 - Yeah, well, my taste buds got wiped out
01:03:31 in the crash of '97.
01:03:33 - [laughs] Well, it's a good thing that mine is still intact.
01:03:36 At least the French can't poison us.
01:03:39 - What's Frankenstein's location now?
01:03:45 - He's about 50 miles out, Lieutenant.
01:03:48 They're coming fast.
01:03:50 [siren wailing]
01:03:53 - Goodbye, Mrs. Payne.
01:03:55 When you see me again, Frankenstein will be my prisoner,
01:03:57 and the whole country will know we must be taken seriously.
01:04:00 - Fury, wait. I'm coming with you.
01:04:02 - No, Mrs. Payne, it's too dangerous.
01:04:04 - Nonsense. I've waited 20 years for this moment.
01:04:07 Oh, I know I can't join you on the mission,
01:04:09 but I want to see you pull it off with my own eyes.
01:04:14 - Turn-off's coming up.
01:04:16 What's the quickest way to ULA?
01:04:18 - That's funny.
01:04:20 - What?
01:04:22 - I can't--I can't seem to focus my eyes on the map.
01:04:26 I think we stay on seven.
01:04:28 I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
01:04:31 - Look at that.
01:04:33 It's them, isn't it?
01:04:38 - Please, please stop the car.
01:04:40 - Sorry. We're in a race.
01:04:44 [engine rumbling]
01:04:47 - Frankenstein, stop right now. We want to talk to you.
01:04:55 Stop before I force you to.
01:05:12 I'll bomb you to a halt if I have to.
01:05:15 - Annie, help me. Turn off the engine.
01:05:30 - Annie's dead, Mrs. Payne. He must have killed her.
01:05:36 - Now I'm really gonna let him have it.
01:05:41 [engine rumbling]
01:05:44 [tires screeching]
01:05:48 - Look at that. The Rebels are sure giving it to Frankenstein.
01:05:53 - Thank you, Rebels.
01:05:55 - Baby, I think we got this race won.
01:05:58 - Aren't we gonna help him, Joe?
01:06:00 - What, are you nuts or something? I'm getting my ass out of here
01:06:02 before they decide to make emergency landing.
01:06:04 Come on, sit down.
01:06:06 That a girl.
01:06:08 [engine rumbling]
01:06:11 [tires screeching]
01:06:14 [explosion]
01:06:20 [tires screeching]
01:06:37 [tires screeching]
01:07:05 [tires screeching]
01:07:08 [explosion]
01:07:31 [tires screeching]
01:07:34 [tires screeching]
01:07:44 [tires screeching]
01:07:58 [explosion]
01:08:01 - Well, America, there you have it.
01:08:03 Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Air Force,
01:08:07 and he's whipped their derrieres.
01:08:09 His point total for this one will be something astronomical.
01:08:13 Machine gun Joe better watch out.
01:08:16 - Right on schedule. - Hey, what happened?
01:08:25 - I slipped you a 30-minute sleep X.
01:08:27 Didn't want you doing something back there we would both regret.
01:08:30 - Did they attack us?
01:08:32 - According to the radio, we were attacked by the French Air Force.
01:08:35 - Was the plane shot down?
01:08:37 - Even though Swiss doctors couldn't have helped.
01:08:40 I'm sorry. I know they were your people.
01:08:43 But I can't let anything stop me now.
01:08:46 - They didn't expect you to give up easily.
01:08:48 They were prepared for whatever happened.
01:08:51 Oh, my God, you've been hit.
01:08:53 - I'll make it.
01:08:56 - I'm sorry things worked out this way.
01:08:59 - It's not over yet.
01:09:02 - I'm afraid it is.
01:09:04 - Hey!
01:09:06 [♪♪♪]
01:09:10 [♪♪♪]
01:09:13 - What the hell do you think you're doing?
01:09:38 - It doesn't make any difference what happens to me now.
01:09:41 - Now, that is the dumbest, sorriest thing I've ever heard you say.
01:09:44 I don't believe you've got a drop of Thomasina pain's blood in your whole body.
01:09:48 The minute things get rough, you close your eyes and try to drive us off a cliff.
01:09:53 If you just stop trying to kill me for a minute, I need your help.
01:09:57 - How can you possibly expect me to help you?
01:10:00 - You're my navigator.
01:10:02 - You're the only one who knows where you're going.
01:10:05 I mean, whose side are you on anyway?
01:10:07 - I thought the only thing you cared about was winning the race.
01:10:10 - Sure.
01:10:12 Only the winner of the race gets to shake hands with Mr. President.
01:10:16 - Is that a grenade?
01:10:18 - A hand grenade.
01:10:19 That handshake is all I've lived for for as long as I can remember.
01:10:24 - Now, wait a minute. I don't want you to die.
01:10:28 - It's my life's work.
01:10:34 [♪♪♪]
01:10:37 [♪♪♪]
01:10:41 [♪♪♪]
01:10:44 [♪♪♪]
01:11:00 [♪♪♪]
01:11:03 - Why do you want to win this race so bad?
01:11:17 - Why do I want to win this race?
01:11:19 In the name of hate.
01:11:21 One big 50 for hate.
01:11:23 [♪♪♪]
01:11:26 [♪♪♪]
01:11:30 [♪♪♪]
01:11:33 [♪♪♪]
01:11:55 [♪♪♪]
01:11:58 [♪♪♪]
01:12:16 [♪♪♪]
01:12:24 [♪♪♪]
01:12:27 [♪♪♪]
01:12:39 [♪♪♪]
01:12:52 [♪♪♪]
01:12:55 - Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
01:13:20 [SCREAMS]
01:13:22 - Hey, stop it! Will you stop the car?
01:13:24 - Shut up! What is it?
01:13:26 - Give me your hand! Will you stop the goddamn car?
01:13:30 Stop the car! Stop it!
01:13:32 - You're gonna have to shift the gears for me now.
01:13:47 The only thing that worries me is how am I gonna shake hands with Mr. President.
01:13:52 - Mr. President is the one who should be worried now.
01:13:55 [♪♪♪]
01:14:15 - He's coming! Can you hear that engine?
01:14:18 Still in perfect tune.
01:14:20 Here he is, the one and only three-time winner and sole survivor
01:14:26 of the 20th annual Transcontinental Road Race,
01:14:29 none other than Frankenstein himself.
01:14:33 And now, Mr. President.
01:14:36 - Our enemy, the French,
01:14:38 have destroyed nearly all our gallant racers.
01:14:43 Just as they have crippled our once great economy
01:14:48 and wrecked our telephone system.
01:14:51 But even they, in all their evil power,
01:14:55 were unable to destroy Frankenstein,
01:14:58 who is the embodiment of our national virtue
01:15:02 and therefore indestructible.
01:15:06 It is fitting that Frankenstein should be the one chosen by your president
01:15:11 to lead you in this war against the French,
01:15:14 which I now decree.
01:15:16 [GUNSHOT]
01:15:18 [SCREAMING]
01:15:19 - Frankenstein has been shot!
01:15:21 There is a French spy in our midst!
01:15:23 Guards, seize that woman!
01:15:25 - Frankenstein, are you all right?
01:15:28 [♪♪♪]
01:15:32 [GASPS]
01:15:34 - Eddie!
01:15:43 [TIRES SCREECHING]
01:15:45 - Frankenstein!
01:15:47 [TIRES SCREECHING]
01:15:52 [CROWD CHATTERING]
01:15:56 [CROWD CHEERING]
01:15:59 [CROWD CHEERING]
01:16:10 [♪♪♪]
01:16:15 [CROWD CHANTING]
01:16:18 - Frankenstein! Frankenstein! Frankenstein!
01:16:21 Frankenstein! Frankenstein!
01:16:24 Frankenstein! Frankenstein!
01:16:27 [LAUGHING]
01:16:30 - Mr. and Mrs. President Frankenstein, dear friends of mine,
01:16:35 can you tell us what your first official acts will be?
01:16:38 - I plan to pension off the secret police,
01:16:41 restore free elections, end minority privilege,
01:16:44 and move the seat of government back to New Los Angeles.
01:16:47 - Our country has been governed from abroad long enough.
01:16:49 - Mr. President Frankenstein, is it true
01:16:52 that you are now accepting rebels into your government?
01:16:55 - Well, since I have accepted one into my house.
01:16:59 - President Frankenstein has appointed my great-grandmother,
01:17:02 Thomasina Payne, the view of her experience in the field,
01:17:05 as the minister for domestic security.
01:17:08 - And I plan to deal very harshly with rebels.
01:17:12 Anybody who is unhappy with happiness
01:17:14 can go find someplace else to live.
01:17:17 - What about the race?
01:17:19 - The race is abolished.
01:17:20 - Abolished?
01:17:21 - That's right.
01:17:22 - We feel that the country no longer needs
01:17:24 this gratuitous display of violence
01:17:26 to show the world that its virility is still intact.
01:17:29 - Right.
01:17:30 - But Mr. President Frankenstein,
01:17:31 isn't it true that as a racer,
01:17:33 your popularity depended entirely on violence?
01:17:36 - I'm afraid I shall have to let my press secretary
01:17:38 answer that question.
01:17:41 - Stop annoying Mr. President with important questions, Junior.
01:17:44 - It's the race, man.
01:17:46 - President Frankenstein, you can't call off the race.
01:17:49 The American people won't stand for it.
01:17:51 - Get out of the way, Junior.
01:17:53 - The race is the symbol of everything we hold dear,
01:17:56 our American way of life.
01:17:58 Sure, it's violent, but that's the way we love it.
01:18:01 Violent, violent, violent, and that's why we love you.
01:18:04 - Frank, do we have to listen to this?
01:18:07 - No.
01:18:08 - I'm telling you, man.
01:18:11 [applause]
01:18:14 - As do this matter of violence.
01:18:20 The technique of violence was first developed
01:18:23 in 2 million B.C. by the Australopithecines,
01:18:27 a tribe of four-foot primates who had no brains to speak of,
01:18:32 but who nevertheless invented the tomahawk
01:18:35 and used it on each other.
01:18:37 This practice led to the enlargement of the brain,
01:18:41 another useful weapon.
01:18:43 Yes, murder was invented even before man began to think.
01:18:48 Now, of course, man has become known as the thinking animal.
01:18:54 [music]
01:18:58 [music]
01:19:02 [music]
01:19:05 [music]
01:19:13 [music]
01:19:21 [music]
01:19:29 [music]
01:19:32 (bell chimes)