As he'll be happy to tell you, Squidward has it pretty rough. For this list, we’ll be looking at the most horrible experiences Squidward Q. Tentacles has endured on “SpongeBob SquarePants.”
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00:00 (upbeat music)
00:01 - SpongeBob.
00:02 (SpongeBob laughing)
00:04 - Hey, you laugh just like me.
00:07 - Welcome to WatchMojo.
00:09 And today we're counting down our picks
00:11 for the top 20 worst things that ever happened to Squidward.
00:15 - And then you blow up.
00:17 (explosion)
00:19 - For this list,
00:20 we'll be looking at the most horrible experiences
00:22 Squidward Q. Tentacles has endured
00:24 on "SpongeBob SquarePants."
00:26 What do you think is the worst thing to happen
00:29 to the grouchy octopus?
00:31 Let us know in the comments.
00:32 - Hey, Mojoholics.
00:35 For a chance to win cash prizes,
00:37 play our live daily trivia challenges every day
00:40 at 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. Eastern,
00:42 only at watchmojo.com/play.
00:45 - Number 20, opposite day.
00:48 Squidward probably should have known better
00:51 because SpongeBob never does anything halfway.
00:54 Our beloved Grump wants to sell his house
00:56 and get out of Dodge.
00:58 So he lies to SpongeBob by claiming it's opposite day,
01:01 hoping this will subdue the fry cook's behavior
01:04 when the realtor arrives.
01:05 - Opposite day is the one day of the year
01:08 when you get to act different.
01:10 Normally I'm stuffy and boring,
01:13 but today I'm silly and spontaneous.
01:17 - Of course, the yellow sponge and Patrick
01:20 take this too literally and cause a mess.
01:23 While Squidward tries to fix said mess,
01:26 his chaotic neighbors impersonate him,
01:28 the person most opposite to them, with the realtor.
01:31 - The winters are harsh, the summers are brutal.
01:35 There's a wild man eating clam in the backyard.
01:38 - Needless to say, that all-important meeting goes poorly.
01:42 Squiddy wanted to sell to get away from SpongeBob and Patrick
01:46 and ended up creating circumstances
01:48 that ruined his chance to do so.
01:50 - Okay, I really don't wanna hear another one.
01:53 - Okay.
01:54 (squid squeaking)
01:55 - I really don't wanna hear more, thank you.
01:58 - I hear you loud and clear.
01:59 (squid squeaking)
02:01 - It's ironic, but we can't help but feel for him.
02:04 Number 19, getting his toenail ripped out.
02:08 Oof, this one isn't just painful for Squidward,
02:10 it's painful for us to watch.
02:13 The octopus accepts SpongeBob's help
02:15 in dressing up his house
02:16 so he can out-fancy his nemesis, Squilliam Fancyson, on TV.
02:21 The sponge really does try his best,
02:23 but he accidentally drags a couch over Squidward's foot.
02:27 - Hang on, I'm trying to get a grip on the thing.
02:29 Now don't move it till I say.
02:31 (Squidward screaming)
02:32 Okay, it's on my foot.
02:34 Now don't.
02:35 - As if that isn't already painful enough,
02:38 he then keeps pushing it,
02:39 ripping Squidward's toenail out entirely.
02:42 The sound plus the visual
02:44 makes this one really graphic to boot.
02:47 Sure, the cephalopod hilariously ends up
02:49 earning the house fancy prince title
02:51 after a whole lot of antics,
02:53 but at what cost?
02:55 - Squidward tentacles,
02:56 you seem to have ushered in an entire new era
03:00 in house fanciness.
03:02 - Number 18, kicked out of the cephalopod lodge.
03:06 This is why Squidward can't have nice things.
03:08 SpongeBob and Patrick inevitably ruin them.
03:12 When Squidward dares to appear happy one day a month,
03:15 his neighbors investigate.
03:17 They follow him into a lodge for cephalopods,
03:19 but get cast out as outsiders,
03:22 dragging the octopus down with them.
03:24 Rather than leave well enough alone,
03:26 they then attempt to get him reinstated
03:28 not once, but twice.
03:30 - What are you?
03:31 Great, must be one of SpongeBob's pranks.
03:34 - Let's move.
03:38 - Predictably, that goes sideways.
03:40 Worst of all, SpongeBob and Patrick
03:42 basically force him to join a club they make up
03:44 and initiate him via jellyfish sting, also twice.
03:49 (Squidward mumbling)
03:52 (Squidward screaming)
03:58 Can't Squiddy ever simply be happy?
04:01 Number 17, hospitalized thanks to a slide whistle.
04:05 To be honest, Squidward brought this one on himself.
04:08 Given how annoying he found SpongeBob
04:11 and Patrick's slide whistle use,
04:13 he should have expected the same reaction
04:14 from the rest of Bikini Bottom when he took up the hobby.
04:17 Regardless, what happens to him here is brutal.
04:20 As he goes around town playing his slide whistle,
04:23 the townspeople get aggravated.
04:25 It gets so bad that they all go after him.
04:28 Though he seems unbothered as he drives away,
04:31 he ends up in a fiery explosion.
04:33 (explosion booms)
04:36 (explosion booms)
04:44 It's like we said, brutal stuff.
04:47 Of course, Squidward survives,
04:49 but let's just say he becomes one with the slide whistle
04:52 in a way we wouldn't wish on anyone.
04:54 (Squidward screaming)
04:55 - Wow, Squidward, listen to you.
04:57 You're getting better already.
04:59 - Number 16, Patrick's lemonade stand.
05:02 - Lemonade!
05:03 (lemonade splashes)
05:05 - Patrick is running a lemonade stand
05:07 and ends up drawing a crowd with his black lemonade,
05:10 also known as Squidward's nose ink.
05:13 To keep his business afloat,
05:14 Patrick goes out of his way to terrify the ink
05:17 out of poor Squidward,
05:18 even going as far as building
05:19 a weirdly personal haunted house.
05:21 (Squidward screams)
05:22 (sad music)
05:25 - Oh, I've lost it.
05:29 - You'd expect this kind of conniving,
05:30 almost sadistic business practice
05:32 from Plankton or Mr. Krabs,
05:34 but from the good natured doofus?
05:36 To make it even worse,
05:37 nobody seems to care that they're drinking squid ink
05:39 until Squidward takes over the business,
05:41 meaning that he has nothing to show
05:43 for his idiot neighbor irritating his condition.
05:46 (Squidward screams)
05:49 Number 15, his first Krabby Patty.
05:54 In this episode, we learn that somehow,
05:56 despite all his years at the Krusty Krab,
05:58 our favorite cephalopod has never tasted a Krabby Patty.
06:02 In hindsight, he probably would have been better off
06:05 if he had stayed far away from the menu item.
06:08 - Still alive!
06:08 (Squidward chomps)
06:14 So delicious!
06:16 - After getting the tiniest possible taste,
06:19 he becomes completely obsessed with the food
06:21 and goes to truly extreme lengths to get more.
06:25 Eventually, he ends up in the Krabby Patty vault
06:28 where the supply is practically endless.
06:31 Unable to contain himself, he devours a lot of them.
06:34 That might sound like a treat,
06:36 but he eats so many that he balloons up
06:38 and literally explodes.
06:40 Poor guy.
06:41 - No worse, it'll go right to your thighs.
06:45 - My thighs?
06:46 - And then you'll blow up.
06:48 - Number 14, punished despite having boat smarts.
06:55 Both Squidward and SpongeBob star in a driving safety film
06:59 as a good and bad boater respectively.
07:02 But all the good boating in the world
07:03 can't save Squiddy from the yellow guy.
07:06 When SpongeBob drives recklessly,
07:08 it's Squidward who gets in an accident.
07:10 - Now this driver with no regard for safety.
07:13 (Squidward screaming)
07:16 Well, at least he had his seatbelt on.
07:22 - And when SpongeBob adjusts his mirror
07:27 while handling the vehicle, you guessed it, recklessly,
07:30 it's also Squidward who pays.
07:32 And those are just a couple of examples.
07:35 No good deed, right?
07:36 Sometimes Squidward is the villain of the show
07:38 or at least provokes what happens to him.
07:41 But he's supposed to be the good guy here.
07:43 And he's still the one who suffers the consequences
07:45 of SpongeBob's bad behavior.
07:47 How is that fair?
07:49 - Hi Squidward.
07:50 - Hi Mrs. Puff.
07:51 (Squidward screaming)
07:54 - Number 13, losing an artistic opportunity.
08:02 As we mentioned,
08:03 sometimes Squidward brings bad things on himself.
08:06 This is one of those times.
08:07 He's teaching an art class where SpongeBob
08:10 is the sole pupil,
08:11 but the student immediately surpasses the master.
08:14 - Do it again.
08:15 Show your process.
08:16 - Well, first I draw this head.
08:19 Then I erased some of the more detailed features.
08:21 And one, two, three, a circle thingy.
08:25 - So the cephalopod lies,
08:27 berating his neighbor to save face.
08:30 Things get messy when a fancy art collector
08:32 sees SpongeBob's work, however,
08:34 as Squidward claims he made it,
08:36 breaks it, and then needs the actual artist to remake it.
08:40 Unfortunately, our sponge isn't creating like he used to.
08:44 - Let's start with the circle again.
08:46 - I did it Squidward.
08:50 - Huh?
08:53 - In a rage, Squidward wrecks everything,
08:55 unknowingly crafting a new masterpiece.
08:58 It's too bad he leaves without realizing
09:00 and doesn't take credit.
09:02 Art is such a passion of his
09:04 and who knows what doors this could have opened.
09:06 Number 12, getting SpongeBob's laugh.
09:10 In this episode, Squidward warns SpongeBob
09:12 his laugh box will get wrecked
09:14 unless he refrains from laughing for 24 hours.
09:17 Okay, yes, that's pretty mean, but we kind of get it.
09:20 (Squidward laughing)
09:23 We've all been around someone with an annoying giggle before.
09:29 Squidward just wants a break.
09:31 Sadly, the whole thing backfires
09:33 when he eventually does the right thing
09:35 and tells SpongeBob the truth.
09:37 - And it was a cruel lie
09:38 that sent me into spiraling depression?
09:41 - Yeah, well, it sounds pretty harsh
09:44 when you put it that way, but yes.
09:46 - I could laugh the whole time.
09:48 - They initially share a chuckle,
09:50 but Squidward goes too hard
09:51 and actually breaks his own laugh box.
09:54 He wakes up in the hospital having received a transplant
09:57 with, of course, SpongeBob as his donor.
10:01 - SpongeBob?
10:02 (SpongeBob laughing)
10:04 Hey, you laugh just like me!
10:07 (SpongeBob laughing)
10:09 - Now he's stuck with the laugh
10:10 he tried so hard to get rid of.
10:12 That stings.
10:14 Number 11, turning into a giant.
10:17 Someone should probably write a complaint
10:19 to the manufacturers of Kelp Grow.
10:21 There really ought to be a huge warning on the bottle
10:23 stating that you should only be using it in your garden.
10:26 When SpongeBob and Patrick turned Squidward
10:29 into a giant using the product,
10:31 the residents of Bikini Bottom turn on the octopus.
10:34 - Monster!
10:35 (people chattering)
10:39 - He tries to prove he's a gentle giant,
10:45 but ultimately it's no use.
10:47 Nobody deserves that.
10:49 This isn't the only example
10:50 of the town rejecting Squidward either.
10:53 Remember the time he was ostracized
10:54 after he read SpongeBob's diary aloud?
10:57 - That was that little dude's diary?
10:59 (Squidward scoffs)
11:00 (people chattering)
11:02 - That's no Squidward, even for you.
11:05 - Let's not forget many people were all too eager
11:07 to listen to the stories before they realized
11:10 the full extent of the situation.
11:12 Bikini Bottom doesn't get him.
11:14 Number 10, getting trapped in limbo.
11:17 While hiding from SpongeBob and Patrick
11:19 in the Krusty Krab freezer,
11:21 Squidward inadvertently winds up frozen for 2,000 years.
11:25 As you can imagine, he's eager to get home.
11:27 - Future!
11:28 Future!
11:29 Future!
11:31 Future!
11:34 - Thankfully, the futuristic SpongeBob, named SpongeTron,
11:40 lets him know there's a time machine.
11:42 All Squiddy wants is somewhere quiet to play his clarinet,
11:45 but whether he's in the past or future,
11:47 he can't outrun different versions of SpongeBob and Patrick.
11:51 He ends up breaking the time machine trying to get away
11:54 and lands in a limbo-type place.
11:57 At first, he's thrilled to be by himself,
11:59 but it quickly starts to feel like a prison,
12:02 and he can't take the crushing solitude.
12:04 - Alone.
12:05 Alone.
12:06 Alone.
12:07 Alone.
12:08 Alone.
12:08 Alone.
12:09 Alone.
12:10 Alone.
12:11 Alone.
12:12 Alone.
12:13 Alone.
12:13 - I gotta get outta here!
12:15 - He does get out in the end,
12:16 but that was really freaky for a while there.
12:19 Number nine, fired from his own TV show.
12:22 - It's that easy?
12:24 (gunshot)
12:25 - After learning how easy it is to get on TV,
12:28 Squidward lands a chance to host his own talk show
12:30 on public access.
12:32 Unfortunately, SpongeBob, Patrick,
12:34 and all of Bikini Bottom get in the way,
12:37 as they break into Squidward's house
12:38 and turn his simple talk show into a wild house party.
12:42 - Go team, go!
12:43 Go team, go!
12:45 - Apparently, the show's a hit,
12:46 but the cephalopod gets booted off his own show.
12:49 To add insult to injury, they continue using his house
12:52 and his name for their own insane, obnoxiously loud series,
12:56 keeping him wide awake at night.
12:58 - Squidward's house party, with your host,
13:02 Zeus the Guitar Lord!
13:06 - Number eight, being trapped in cement.
13:08 - They wouldn't know real culture,
13:10 even if it hit them like a truck full of cement.
13:13 (gunshot)
13:14 - After his TV time is ruined,
13:16 Squidward leaves his home in a huff,
13:18 only to run into a cement truck
13:20 and get completely covered in concrete.
13:22 Mistaken for a wild animal,
13:24 he's put in a zoo by Animal Control,
13:26 where visitors laugh at how hideous he is.
13:28 - I don't know, but it's hideous, isn't it?
13:31 (screaming)
13:33 - SpongeBob and Patrick eventually break him out
13:35 and leave him in the wild
13:36 with creatures that look almost exactly like him.
13:39 What makes all this humiliation even worse
13:41 is that never once does anyone seem to wonder or care
13:44 about where the missing Squidward is,
13:46 but at least he gets a somewhat happy ending afterward.
13:49 (laughing)
13:51 - Hi.
13:52 - Number seven, head trauma.
13:54 (groaning)
13:56 (gunshot)
13:58 - Once again, SpongeBob and Patrick
14:00 interrupt Squidward's private time
14:02 with their annoying playtime.
14:04 This time, however, Squidward ends up
14:05 hitting his head so hard,
14:07 it swells up and he starts acting like a baby.
14:10 (laughing)
14:12 The bumbling twosome acts
14:13 as the infantile cephalopod's parents,
14:16 which leads to even more head trauma.
14:18 It becomes uncomfortably disturbing
14:20 with every hit Squidward takes on the noggin
14:22 and cringey with the idea of him
14:24 mentally regressing to an infant
14:26 and his little accident at work.
14:28 Thankfully, a little ice brings our cephalopod
14:31 back to normal and we can try to forget
14:33 this episode ever happened.
14:34 - Squidward, you're back to your grown-up self.
14:37 - Of course I'm grown-up, why wouldn't I be?
14:40 - Number six, losing his perfect Sunday forever.
14:44 - SpongeBob.
14:45 - Good morning, Squidward.
14:48 Squidward makes plans for a nice, simple Sunday
14:50 where he can relax.
14:51 Sadly, SpongeBob and Patrick take away
14:53 most of his day by annoying him.
14:55 He tries to keep them out with a new security system,
14:58 but it turns his house into a rampaging robot
15:00 that destroys half of Bikini Bottom.
15:02 - What the, what are you doing?
15:05 - To top it all off, because it was his house,
15:07 he's sentenced to do community service
15:09 every Sunday for the rest of his life,
15:11 alongside SpongeBob and Patrick.
15:13 All Squidward wants to do is enjoy his Sundays in peace,
15:16 but thanks to his good neighbors,
15:18 he'll never have that luxury ever again.
15:20 - You'll be doing community service every Sunday
15:22 for the rest of your life.
15:24 - Hey, Squidward, you got one of those too?
15:28 - Number five, sentenced to boating school.
15:31 - Bon voyage, nincompoop.
15:33 - After accidentally running into a stop sign,
15:38 Squidward is sentenced to a day
15:39 at Mrs. Puff's boating school.
15:41 That doesn't sound so bad,
15:43 except he ends up in you-know-who's class.
15:45 Naturally, SpongeBob is excited to share a class
15:47 with his neighbor, but his admiration comes off
15:50 as borderline obsessive and clingy.
15:52 - Do you mind?
15:53 - Don't worry, Squidward, we're boating buddies now.
15:57 - The fun doesn't stop there,
15:58 as Squidward gets repeatedly beaten up for inane reasons
16:01 until he's too injured to complete his final exam.
16:04 If his next class is anything like this one,
16:06 then our grumpy squid might be trapped
16:08 in boating school for a long time,
16:10 all thanks to his boating buddy.
16:12 (screaming)
16:15 - Number four, SquidBob tentacle pants.
16:19 - Your star will shine at the clarinet recital tomorrow.
16:24 - Squidward is preparing for his big clarinet recital,
16:27 but when he accidentally gets mixed up
16:29 in Sandy's latest experiment,
16:31 he and SpongeBob end up fused together
16:33 into one two-headed monstrosity.
16:35 This is doubly horrifying for Squidward.
16:38 However, in a bizarre twist of fate,
16:40 the recital crowd loves the two-headed guy,
16:43 and for a brief shining moment,
16:45 Squidward is finally in the limelight,
16:47 until Sandy fixes the two at the worst possible time.
16:51 - No, no, wait, Sandy, don't!
16:54 - With his recital ruined and his newfound stardom gone,
16:57 Squidward desperately tries to reverse the process,
16:59 and the result is even more terrifying and hard to stomach.
17:03 - What seems to be the problem, Mr. Tentacles?
17:06 - It all started when I was born.
17:11 - Number three, feeling hopeless.
17:13 - So what's your happiest memory, Squidward?
17:16 - Um, let me think.
17:18 - SpongeBob wants to give Squidward a happiest memory,
17:23 but all his attempts only make
17:24 the cephalopod even more miserable.
17:27 Eventually, Squidward experiences feelings of depression,
17:30 and there are some pretty grim visual gags
17:33 with dark implications.
17:35 Luckily, they turn out to be tasteless fake-outs.
17:38 In a last-ditch effort,
17:40 SpongeBob tries to cheer up his forlorn neighbor
17:42 with a party full of paper-mache doppelgangers of himself.
17:47 - So what do you think, happiest memory or what?
17:50 - Finally having his fill
17:51 of his annoying neighbor's hijinks,
17:53 Squidward snaps and violently wrecks the SpongeBob copies,
17:57 screaming that this is his happiest memory.
18:00 Well, at least he's feeling better.
18:02 - Isn't it my happiest memory?
18:07 - Number two, his visit with SpongeBob.
18:10 - I will never visit you.
18:12 Ever!
18:14 - Even the cephalopod's house
18:15 takes its own share of beatings.
18:17 Blown up, demolished in a golf game, the list goes on.
18:20 Nevertheless, Squidward would never leave the comfort
18:23 of his home to visit SpongeBob's pineapple,
18:25 unless he was forced to.
18:27 The little sneak borrows his vacuum cleaner
18:29 to lure him next door,
18:30 only to reveal that he's redesigned his interior
18:33 to match Squidward's, down to an eerily microscopic level.
18:36 - He copied all 492 of my self-portraits.
18:40 - When he finally escapes this carbon copy nightmare,
18:43 Squidward finds that his real house
18:45 has burned to the ground,
18:46 leaving him no choice but to stay in SpongeBob's replica
18:50 after a gutting breakdown.
18:52 - Replica, sweet replica.
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19:10 Number one, his best day ever.
19:13 - This is really your best day ever, isn't it?
19:16 (water splashing)
19:19 - We've seen Squidward get mauled by sea bears,
19:22 guard worms, and so on,
19:24 but this is one of the earliest instances
19:26 of the poor schlub taking his unnecessary lumps.
19:29 After a biking accident, Squidward ends up in a body cast,
19:32 and thus SpongeBob and Patrick try to make sure
19:34 he has the best day ever.
19:36 What follows is an all-day marathon of pain,
19:38 getting burnt by hot soup, having his hand impaled,
19:42 all before finally getting gruesomely zapped
19:44 by a queen jellyfish.
19:45 While the twosome had good intentions,
19:47 it only cements how hazardous they really are
19:49 for Squidward's health.
19:51 - Hey, Squid, how about that?
19:53 (Squidward screams)
19:55 Best day ever.
19:57 - There's always tomorrow.
19:59 (Squidward screams)
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