Lenette van Dongen: Paradijskleier | movie | 2021 | Official Clip
Registration of the theatreprogram by the Dutch comedian Lenette van Dongen. A show about getting older. She is unabashe | dG1fRVV1T0tvRExRbGM
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 So that's why I... You haven't seen me for a while, that's why I went to the musical.
00:05 The musical 'Vamos'. Has anyone seen 'Vamos'?
00:08 Thank you, I really enjoyed it. I'll never do it again, that's the only thing.
00:11 But I...
00:12 I enjoyed it, but especially my colleagues. Young people around me, a room full of them.
00:18 I was sitting in that dressing room, enjoying the young girls, 21, 25 years old.
00:24 And chatting about life. And the only thing I did was brush my teeth and stay there.
00:28 With my ear like this on the table.
00:30 I'm not there, I'm just going on.
00:32 But then it was all great again.
00:36 Oh, what is it? What is it?
00:37 I was watching, they found a new flame on Tinder.
00:40 Look, this is my new wrong.
00:41 What an unreliable head.
00:42 But I don't say anything.
00:44 It's coming, it's coming.
00:45 Don't bother with it.
00:47 Three weeks later.
00:48 What is it?
00:49 Yes, it looks like an unreliable hip.
00:50 I think, yes, exactly.
00:55 I had clean teeth at the end of the season.
00:57 Oh, and if their hair wasn't good, bad hair day.
01:02 Well, they were ready to cut their wrists with a knife.
01:04 Look, it's just hair, it's very important.
01:07 But they also talked about things they never shared with your mother or with you.
01:14 And I had an ear like this on that table.
01:16 They talked about their sex life.
01:17 I think, oh wait.
01:24 But they talked about things, I thought, holy fuck.
01:27 One against the other, while they were putting on mascara.
01:29 Yes, oh, I had such a great anal this week.
01:33 Oh, so great.
01:34 Anal, I think, exactly.
01:39 And the other one, oh, yes, oh, I think that's so great.
01:42 Anal this and anal that.
01:44 I think, yes, I do have a life.
01:51 And then they had a whole conversation about why they were talking about anal.
01:54 Yes, listen, I was shocked by the word, you too, because you're quiet.
01:57 Look, we can't talk about peeing and pooping, can we?
02:00 We are of the generation that peeing and pooping is part of it.
02:03 Yes, my mother said, well, kid, I never peed.
02:05 Well, my father said, you peed on me.
02:07 Well, she didn't.
02:08 Or they said they didn't, but...
02:15 The 85 plus, it was, well, no, peeing and pooping, yes, that was in all...
02:20 You can order that at the baker.
02:22 Two sliced waffles, we don't bother about that.
02:24 You're not all that, either, but with the word anal, I hear, boom.
02:29 But those girls, oh, great, anal.
02:31 And then they said, and I think, yes, yes, yes, yes.
02:34 I couldn't get enough of it, of course.
02:37 Then they said, yes, but it's such an emancipatory feeling,
02:40 because we both feel the same on the back.
02:43 I think, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
02:45 And then I thought, that's true.
02:49 That front is a hassle, that front is different.
02:52 And we'll do something, right?
02:54 I really have no idea, if I'm sitting with you or with you,
02:58 what I'm actually doing.
03:00 But, so I'll make sure it's going well.
03:07 But I...
03:12 I have no idea what I'm actually doing, so to speak.
03:18 But if he thinks it's good, I think it's good, too.
03:21 So, I'm busy, but it's not that bad.
03:24 He keeps talking about football and stuff.
03:27 Climate change and stuff. I think, damn it, I'm busy.
03:31 But at some point he gets quieter and I hear, uh, uh, uh, uh.
03:35 If he goes, uh, uh, you have to do this right away.
03:39 I don't know why...
03:40 I don't know why that helps.
03:44 Uh, uh, well, good.
03:47 And then it goes, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
03:50 Then you have to speed it up.
03:52 And if he becomes religious, if he hears, oh God, oh God.
03:59 That thing has a cap on it, a cap.
04:04 And there's a ring on it.
04:05 If he becomes religious, you have to pay attention to the ring.
04:08 And then you have to, and then you have to, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
04:12 And, yoo-hoo, well, that.
04:14 [laughter]
04:17 I'm always happy when it works.
04:28 But, yeah, he does something, because he has no idea.
04:33 A while ago he was doing it with three fingers.
04:35 Damn it, what are you all doing?
04:37 Three fingers, yeah, he said, I read it somewhere.
04:40 I think I'll stop, I don't like it.
04:42 Well, he wants to continue with two fingers.
04:44 I think, well, better.
04:45 But, yeah, then you've been fooling around with those three fingers for a while.
04:48 And he said, well, good.
04:49 But at some point he has the taste and then you think, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
04:54 And he knows if I'm going to do, uh, uh, uh, uh, he's going to have to do this.
04:57 [laughter]
05:12 [silence]