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00:00:00 [music]
00:00:10 Neighbors bring food with death, and flowers with sickness, and little things in between.
00:00:18 Boo was our neighbor.
00:00:21 He gave us two soaked dolls, a broken watch and chain, a knife.
00:00:29 And our lives.
00:00:32 [music]
00:00:42 [music]
00:00:52 [music]
00:01:02 [music]
00:01:12 [music]
00:01:22 [music]
00:01:32 [music]
00:01:42 [music]
00:01:52 [music]
00:01:56 So what's the deal? Mom didn't believe in lampshades?
00:01:59 Give her a break, Jeff. She was really sick before she died.
00:02:03 [silence]
00:02:14 Your mom really lived like this?
00:02:16 Mom would always say her money was in the toilet.
00:02:19 Come on, Alex. This place means a lot to me.
00:02:23 Hey, I need to make a little speech.
00:02:26 Ugh, not that.
00:02:27 What's that?
00:02:29 Mom always used to do that.
00:02:30 She used to make these speeches every time we had a visitor, and she wouldn't let them leave until she made a speech either.
00:02:35 My dear friends.
00:02:36 Christ.
00:02:37 Tonight we are gathered in Mom's old house.
00:02:41 I know this is probably weird for you boys, being a stranger's house and all.
00:02:46 And it's kind of a stranger's house to me too, and I bet for Alex.
00:02:51 But we'll be selling this place soon, so for tonight, just one night, it can be a home again.
00:02:59 I don't know why I feel weird tonight. Sober and tipsy, I guess.
00:03:05 I miss Mom a little, and this is her place of routine and care and love.
00:03:12 So, we're here. So to work, then.
00:03:17 Are you sure that was necessary? If you miss her so much, that'd probably upset you.
00:03:21 Nope.
00:03:23 Ugh, it's hot in here.
00:03:26 Right, so can we eat now? 'Cause I'm getting the Domen crunches.
00:03:30 What?
00:03:31 You know, when you get hungry and you got that grinding in your abdomen?
00:03:35 That's what this is. Domen crunches.
00:03:38 Is it really that hard to just say abdomen?
00:03:40 Domen saves time. Everybody knows what a Domen is.
00:03:44 Man, this is a guy's apartment.
00:03:56 TGI Friday's quesadillas and White Castle cheeseburgers!
00:04:05 Sounds just like her. Mom is always one of the guys. And she loved those dillas.
00:04:11 Dillas?
00:04:12 Quesadillas?
00:04:14 If she can say dillas, I can say Domen.
00:04:17 Enough. You guys can eat the junk food. I'm gonna go to the car and get my groceries and make some gazpacho.
00:04:24 [music]
00:04:27 [music]
00:04:30 [music]
00:04:33 [music]
00:04:36 [music]
00:04:39 [music]
00:04:42 [music]
00:04:45 [music]
00:04:48 [music]
00:05:14 Guys, shouldn't we pray before we eat?
00:05:17 No!
00:05:19 Come on, guys. Mom just died.
00:05:22 Steph, you can do one of those little silent prayers.
00:05:26 Amen, then?
00:05:37 You guys are missing out on this gazpacho.
00:05:40 Oh my God, I love White Castle. It's so good for my Domen.
00:05:45 So, Bruce, we haven't really met.
00:05:52 No.
00:05:54 How long have you been dating my sister?
00:05:56 I don't know, about a hundred years.
00:05:59 He means five months. Guys never remember anniversaries.
00:06:03 How'd you guys meet?
00:06:05 Online.
00:06:07 My boss Julia is always telling me how she loves the online world.
00:06:11 I guess it really does work. So what do you do?
00:06:15 Well, I work at the Mara Inn with Jeff.
00:06:18 What's that?
00:06:20 It's a small hotel.
00:06:21 I'd really rather not talk about work right now.
00:06:24 I didn't really ask you, but incidentally, what are you doing here?
00:06:28 Well, Stephanie told me to bring as many people as I could to help pack up this place, so...
00:06:33 I came. What with the White Castle stuff and all.
00:06:37 How do you two know each other?
00:06:39 From our days in the old schoolyard.
00:06:42 Aw, old friends. Do you have a girlfriend, Jeff?
00:06:48 Ah, yeah, still working on that one.
00:06:52 Always the holy grail, I guess.
00:06:55 That's all the answer I needed, thanks.
00:06:57 Now, hold on a minute. Jeff had a little issue he had to deal with.
00:07:02 It's okay, I can tell her myself.
00:07:05 Look, in college I had this female friend named Laura.
00:07:09 One night we thought it would be a great idea to get drunk and have sex.
00:07:13 Which we did, and it was terrible, and we didn't even finish.
00:07:19 And afterwards we never talked again.
00:07:23 Aw, that's a sad story, Jeff. Were you in love with her?
00:07:30 Well, uh, I'm sorry you couldn't swoop in and save the day.
00:07:35 So, what do you think of my sister?
00:07:39 I like her a lot.
00:07:41 She's not too religious for you?
00:07:43 Hey, I'm really not that bad.
00:07:45 She really isn't at all.
00:07:47 That's cute. Julia told me she thinks so too.
00:07:50 I don't think it's the excess of religion that's her problem.
00:07:53 I think it's the bubble she lives in.
00:07:55 Alex!
00:07:56 You know about the last guy she dated?
00:07:58 Yes, Homer. They lived together for a few months.
00:08:02 I'm totally all cool with that.
00:08:04 Yeah, you're just so mad chill.
00:08:06 You know how hard that breakup was for her?
00:08:08 She could be a tough plate of raw fish when it comes to her emotions.
00:08:12 Why don't we talk about something else?
00:08:16 What's up, Jeff?
00:08:18 I'm gonna take my pants off.
00:08:21 What the hell?
00:08:28 You didn't need to change the subject that much.
00:08:31 Well, it's a little warm in here and these jeans aren't actually that comfortable,
00:08:34 so I'm gonna loosen up a little bit.
00:08:36 Yeah, that's really respectful to my mom's memory, just so you know.
00:08:40 Well, look who's talking. She's dead and you're drinking champagne.
00:08:44 And you're drinking fructose corn syrup. What the hell's the difference?
00:08:48 Okay, okay. Let's try to have some fun.
00:08:50 We don't have to be so solemn about this whole thing.
00:08:52 What do you mean by fun?
00:08:54 [music]
00:08:56 [music]
00:08:59 [music]
00:09:02 [music]
00:09:04 (upbeat music)
00:09:06 (upbeat music)
00:09:36 - I think that was mom punishing us for the dance.
00:09:38 - Yeah, maybe we should get rolling.
00:09:41 - Oh, come on, we're just getting to the chorus.
00:09:44 - Yeah, but it's almost midnight
00:09:46 and some of you have been drinking,
00:09:49 so let's just do this before you start falling asleep.
00:09:52 - Do what, honey?
00:09:53 Sorry, but there's no way we're gonna pack up
00:09:55 this whole place in one single night.
00:09:57 - I think you mean looking for the money?
00:09:59 - Yeah, that's right.
00:10:02 - Money?
00:10:05 Is that why you had us all come here tonight?
00:10:07 That's why you wanted guests?
00:10:08 - What are you guys talking about?
00:10:10 - I guess I should tell you.
00:10:12 - I can tell.
00:10:18 Mom inherited some bonds from our great aunt
00:10:21 and when we asked her where she put them,
00:10:24 she got really embarrassed and basically--
00:10:27 - Basically, she cashed the bonds,
00:10:29 hid the money in the house,
00:10:30 and forgot where she put it and never found it again.
00:10:34 - Lest we heard it was still lost.
00:10:37 - So that's what we're looking for tonight?
00:10:40 - Yeah.
00:10:42 Look, I told you Mom had a sense of humor.
00:10:45 - And a bad memory, deadly combination, those two.
00:10:47 - But honey, this is silly.
00:10:50 You're gonna be selling this place in a few weeks.
00:10:52 Just, it'll turn up then.
00:10:53 - Honey, do you trust moving men?
00:10:56 When you move, you don't find things, you lose them.
00:10:59 I just wanna do this while we still
00:11:01 have the place to ourselves.
00:11:03 - But why do we have to look tonight?
00:11:05 - I think because she knows I'm leaving for Cali tomorrow.
00:11:08 - I'll share it with all you guys.
00:11:10 - Christ, it'd be hard enough to pack up all this stuff,
00:11:15 but now we're looking for something?
00:11:18 Needle in a haystack.
00:11:20 - Where do you think it might be?
00:11:22 - That's a good question,
00:11:23 considering she herself didn't know.
00:11:25 - All right, how long do we have to stay until?
00:11:29 - Long as you want.
00:11:31 - Actually, they were closing that street
00:11:32 by the highway, remember?
00:11:34 - Oh yeah, Washington Avenue's closed
00:11:36 until 6 a.m. for construction.
00:11:38 (groans)
00:11:39 - Did you by any chance have that in mind all along?
00:11:42 - Maybe, but look, let's just try it out
00:11:47 and by 6 a.m. you guys can take off.
00:11:50 (sighs)
00:11:53 - All right, enough grumbling.
00:11:55 There's four of us.
00:11:58 Let's just give it a shot.
00:12:02 (dramatic music)
00:12:04 (dramatic music)
00:12:07 (dramatic music)
00:12:10 (dramatic music)
00:12:13 (dramatic music)
00:12:15 (dramatic music)
00:12:18 (dramatic music)
00:12:21 (dramatic music)
00:12:24 (dramatic music)
00:12:26 (dramatic music)
00:12:29 (dramatic music)
00:12:32 (dramatic music)
00:12:35 (dramatic music)
00:12:37 (dramatic music)
00:12:40 (dramatic music)
00:12:43 (dramatic music)
00:12:46 (dramatic music)
00:12:48 (dramatic music)
00:12:51 (dramatic music)
00:12:54 (dramatic music)
00:12:57 (dramatic music)
00:13:00 - Steph, I need a break.
00:13:04 - Come on, Alex, there's still places to look.
00:13:07 - Have you ever even seen the money?
00:13:09 - Nope.
00:13:10 - We don't even know what we're looking for
00:13:13 and this heat just isn't helping.
00:13:15 - I think, no yeah, I'm definitely getting tired.
00:13:30 - Yeah, let's hold on one more hour
00:13:33 because then she's gonna get tired
00:13:34 and she's gonna realize how crazy this is.
00:13:36 - I can't believe I let you talk me into this
00:13:38 all for your frigging girlfriend.
00:13:40 - I told you she had a sister.
00:13:41 - Yeah, you didn't tell me she'd be a bitch though.
00:13:44 - What's going on?
00:13:57 - Hold on, let me check, ow!
00:13:59 The street lights are out.
00:14:03 - God, you cannot tell me there's a blackout right now.
00:14:06 - Yep, I think you gotta circle that answer.
00:14:09 - The hell, it's not even bad weather outside.
00:14:11 - Mom said there was one like this five years ago,
00:14:13 probably just at some plant.
00:14:15 - Did your mom have flashlights?
00:14:16 - Yep.
00:14:17 Oh, damn it!
00:14:19 (dramatic music)
00:14:31 (phone ringing)
00:14:34 - Here, take the phone.
00:14:37 - Damn it, I think this means my flight's
00:14:45 gonna be canceled tomorrow.
00:14:48 I'm gonna call the airline.
00:14:50 - If I know anything about the horror genre,
00:14:52 and I do, phones will be out.
00:14:54 - None.
00:15:00 (clapping)
00:15:03 - And she told me she enjoyed it.
00:15:12 She looked right at me, and she said,
00:15:15 I like you.
00:15:18 You remind me of that guy from YouTube.
00:15:20 - Jeff, nobody really wants to hear your girl exploits.
00:15:23 - Speak for yourself, Brucie.
00:15:25 - I think I should make more coffee.
00:15:28 - The hell with that, Steph.
00:15:29 I don't think the power's coming back on tonight.
00:15:32 - It might.
00:15:33 They have round-the-clock people for emergencies like this.
00:15:35 - Well, whatever.
00:15:36 I just think we should go to bed.
00:15:38 - Uh, I don't know if you guys noticed,
00:15:40 but there's only one bed in there,
00:15:41 and it's not big enough for all of us, so.
00:15:44 - No, no, no, no, no.
00:15:46 If you two think you're getting the bed
00:15:47 because you're the couple, you are wildly mistaken.
00:15:50 - Guys, wait.
00:15:51 Don't you wanna look for the money?
00:15:53 - Scratch that one.
00:15:58 - Baby, don't be mad.
00:15:59 Money would be nice,
00:16:00 but we're just not gonna find it tonight.
00:16:02 - Oh, so that's it?
00:16:04 You guys are just gonna give up after a few minutes?
00:16:06 Come on, I told you guys,
00:16:08 this is the last chance to really look for the money
00:16:10 before we sell the place.
00:16:12 - Steph, did it ever occur to you
00:16:13 that the moving men might need the money more than we do?
00:16:16 - You've never been generous.
00:16:20 - Times change.
00:16:21 - Oh, so you've seen the light, eh?
00:16:24 - When's the last time you even spoke to me
00:16:25 before Mom died?
00:16:26 - What?
00:16:29 How long?
00:16:29 How long's it been?
00:16:32 - I don't know.
00:16:35 Christmas, then maybe summer before?
00:16:37 - Exactly.
00:16:39 So if you ever took the time
00:16:40 to get to know me a little better,
00:16:42 you'd know that I'm actually a pretty generous person.
00:16:45 Julia always says whenever you lose something,
00:16:47 someone probably needs it more than we do.
00:16:49 - Cute.
00:16:50 Well, before you got saved by Julia,
00:16:52 I don't really think that was your philosophy.
00:16:54 - God, all you two ever do is fight.
00:16:57 Maybe we should go back to dancing.
00:16:59 - That's a great way to put somebody's eye out.
00:17:01 - Let's just go to sleep.
00:17:02 - Oh, you guys suck.
00:17:04 - I get the bed.
00:17:05 - Jeff, don't take this the wrong way,
00:17:08 but you're a complete stranger
00:17:10 and you're not sleeping in my mother's bed.
00:17:11 - I'm perfectly fine just sleeping right here.
00:17:14 - I'll do that too.
00:17:17 If my flight's not canceled, knock on wood,
00:17:21 I'll just get my sleep on the plane.
00:17:24 Julia always says she gets her best sleep on planes.
00:17:27 - God damn it.
00:17:28 Would you shut up about Julia?
00:17:30 It's like you're in love with her.
00:17:32 - Yeah, I love Julia as a friend.
00:17:37 - No, wait a minute.
00:17:44 You do love her.
00:17:46 You have a little crush.
00:17:47 In fact, now that I think about it,
00:17:49 every time you've been on a trip, it's been with her.
00:17:52 - I think you'd better drop that.
00:17:53 - No, I think you should tell me about it.
00:17:55 - Stop, stop, stop, let go.
00:17:55 - No, no, I just think it's cute
00:17:57 that you have a little crush.
00:17:59 - My life isn't your business, got that?
00:18:03 - Alex, you're cutting me.
00:18:04 - Hey, hey, get off my girlfriend.
00:18:06 - Are you hurt?
00:18:10 - Her nails stabbed me.
00:18:13 - This is getting so trippy.
00:18:14 - Shut up, Jeff.
00:18:15 - I'm fine, I just, yeah.
00:18:22 She's always been very private about her personal life.
00:18:25 I feel like I know her a little better.
00:18:27 - I'll get you something for that.
00:18:29 - No, I'll go.
00:18:31 This is Mom's chemical box.
00:18:36 She used to be a chemist back when she studied.
00:18:39 - So your mom collected chemicals
00:18:40 in White Castle cheeseburgers.
00:18:42 I do believe we are just scratching the surface
00:18:44 of a secret life here.
00:18:46 - What's in that chemical box?
00:18:48 - Three things, alcohol, cough syrup, and liquid ammonia.
00:18:54 - There's a combination you don't hear every day.
00:18:56 - Yeah, I must have missed this
00:18:57 when I was looking through the bathroom earlier.
00:18:59 - Did you look through the whole bathroom?
00:19:02 - Yeah, I'll come back on Monday and help you look.
00:19:05 - But you're working.
00:19:06 - I got laid off.
00:19:09 - What?
00:19:10 - No, Bruce, don't.
00:19:12 - And so did Jeff.
00:19:13 - Oh, God.
00:19:14 - Jeff.
00:19:15 - But I don't get it.
00:19:18 You were just telling me how much your boss liked you,
00:19:20 how you impressed him.
00:19:21 - I do, but it's a small hotel in the middle of nowhere,
00:19:24 so when they got a downsize, they got a downsize.
00:19:26 - Hey, the boss liked me too.
00:19:27 You don't have to brag.
00:19:29 - Anyway, lowering the overhead meant us.
00:19:31 - Why didn't you tell me?
00:19:33 - 'Cause your mom just died, and it's been so frustrating.
00:19:35 Like, what am I doing?
00:19:37 I'm two years out of college, and I've been wasting them.
00:19:39 It's one thing to get fired when you mess up,
00:19:41 but these last four months have been a waste
00:19:43 just 'cause their business is bad.
00:19:44 - Yeah, I'm mad too, all right?
00:19:46 I invested a lot for those people.
00:19:47 I put in days, nights, weekends, all to make ends meet.
00:19:51 Now they go and take my ends meet away from me.
00:19:54 - Which is a really good point.
00:19:56 Both of you really need the money right now,
00:19:59 and here we are looking for a fortune.
00:20:01 - Yeah, and we haven't found it yet.
00:20:03 What are you saying?
00:20:04 - I just think it would be something
00:20:05 if one of you found it while we weren't looking,
00:20:08 and ceased to mention it.
00:20:10 - Ha ha, very funny.
00:20:11 You realize the same thing could be said about you.
00:20:14 - What?
00:20:15 - You've been out of sight too for the past few minutes.
00:20:18 - Yeah, but I don't have the same incentive you do.
00:20:20 - Maybe you wanted to buy your girlfriend something.
00:20:23 - Zing!
00:20:24 Listen, Steph, I'm sorry I hurt you.
00:20:26 I overreacted.
00:20:27 - Great, thanks.
00:20:29 Now I'm stuck in a dark apartment
00:20:30 after midnight bleeding to death.
00:20:32 - Quit acting, you'll live.
00:20:34 Anyway, anything you say about Julia is fine.
00:20:37 My life's your life.
00:20:40 - Great, so while you two make up, I'm taking the bed.
00:20:48 - Hold it!
00:20:50 She's got a point.
00:20:52 - What's that?
00:20:53 - Well, all three of you are out of my sight.
00:20:56 Any one of you could have found the money.
00:20:58 - Steph, I'm sorry, but if you're gonna accuse me,
00:21:01 then you're really pushing it.
00:21:02 - How the hell could I have pocketed any money
00:21:04 when I've had my pants off for the past 90 minutes?
00:21:07 You can strip search me if you like.
00:21:10 - Okay, okay.
00:21:13 Look, I'm sorry.
00:21:15 I didn't mean to accuse anyone.
00:21:16 I should know better.
00:21:18 But it did seem odd that the minute the lights went out,
00:21:21 the three of you couldn't care less about a big load of cash.
00:21:23 - All right, okay.
00:21:24 You know what we'll do?
00:21:26 'Cause we're all getting really grumpy and tired
00:21:27 and annoyed with the heat.
00:21:29 I suggest we combat all three by each taking a little shower.
00:21:32 And by then, hopefully the lights will be back up
00:21:35 and you'll see how psyched we can be
00:21:37 about finding some money.
00:21:38 - Okay, so while you three do that, I'm taking the bed.
00:21:43 - Hey genius, instead of just one of us taking the bed,
00:21:45 why don't we all go sleep together?
00:21:47 - Now that's an idea.
00:21:49 - I meant by the bed.
00:21:51 - Okay, while you three work that out,
00:21:53 I'm gonna take the first shower.
00:21:55 (gentle music)
00:22:01 - I can't take this.
00:22:11 - I thought you were so sleepy.
00:22:12 - Yeah, well, it's hard to sleep
00:22:14 with all this tension in the room.
00:22:15 - She's not such a good bed partner, is she?
00:22:17 - Apparently neither are you.
00:22:20 - What was that?
00:22:21 - Hold on, Alex.
00:22:22 Why don't we just talk about this?
00:22:24 - Talk about what?
00:22:25 Did I have a gay crush?
00:22:26 - Yeah.
00:22:27 - Does that make you uncomfortable?
00:22:29 - No.
00:22:30 Does talking about it make you uncomfortable?
00:22:33 - Kinda.
00:22:34 - This reminds me of a joke.
00:22:36 - Jeff, is this gonna be another one of your stupid gags?
00:22:39 - No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:40 That girl who told me I look like the guy from YouTube,
00:22:42 she told me this one.
00:22:43 - Yeah, she's a regular bull too.
00:22:44 - Okay, okay.
00:22:45 What does a gay cow say?
00:22:52 - What?
00:22:53 - Hey.
00:22:56 - I think you've talked enough.
00:23:01 - Jeff, that joke didn't even make sense.
00:23:03 - 'Cause cows eat hay?
00:23:06 - Yeah, I picked that up.
00:23:08 (gentle music)
00:23:11 - What I don't get is why your cow
00:23:13 is a stereotypical gay man.
00:23:15 Cows are female.
00:23:17 - Yeah, but this cow is male.
00:23:18 - Then it's a bull.
00:23:22 - No, but in the world of the joke, the cow is male.
00:23:29 - So the audience of your joke needs to know
00:23:31 that you're in some sci-fi fictional world?
00:23:34 - I said gay cow.
00:23:42 - Then I assumed it's a lesbian cow.
00:23:44 - No, the cow is not a lesbian.
00:23:47 The cow is gay.
00:23:49 - Now see, that is a sentence I never thought I would hear.
00:23:52 - A woman can be called gay as well.
00:23:55 - Yes, but when I hear that someone is gay,
00:23:58 I associate that with male homosexuality, not female.
00:24:02 - Why don't you just avoid this whole gender dispute
00:24:04 by saying a gay bull?
00:24:06 - Because bulls don't eat hay.
00:24:09 - Actually, come to think of it, do cows even eat hay?
00:24:11 See, I think that might just be horses.
00:24:13 - Christ, this joke really backfired on me.
00:24:15 - Next.
00:24:19 - I'll go.
00:24:19 I'm getting booed off stage here.
00:24:23 - So Steph, when you hear a gay cow,
00:24:29 what does that make you think of?
00:24:30 - Did you just call me sister cow?
00:24:34 - No.
00:24:35 - I know exactly what he's talking about.
00:24:37 (door creaking)
00:24:40 - Okay, would you guys tell your mom
00:24:50 to stop haunting this house?
00:24:52 - You know, I barely saw mom during Christmas.
00:24:57 - Yeah, what happened?
00:24:58 - I don't know.
00:25:00 Mother-daughter junk.
00:25:02 Guess it'll never get worked out now.
00:25:05 - No, it had nothing to do with my crush.
00:25:08 Favorite topic of the evening.
00:25:10 You know, how she always used to say,
00:25:14 I'm so incorrigible.
00:25:15 I was incorrigible.
00:25:19 I got that from her.
00:25:21 In college, I had all these friends,
00:25:24 both male and female, don't get any ideas.
00:25:28 Remember what I used to do during my breaks?
00:25:33 - Yeah, you stopped coming home for Christmas
00:25:37 or Thanksgiving or whatever,
00:25:39 found someone else to spend it with.
00:25:41 - And it wasn't even anything against mom.
00:25:43 I wasn't even mad at her.
00:25:46 They were like my family.
00:25:47 This is even pre-Julia.
00:25:50 This was Doug, Mark, and Mia.
00:25:53 Now they're just somewhere.
00:25:56 I don't even know where.
00:25:57 I think Mark's in Connecticut and Doug's somewhere up north.
00:26:01 - Yeah, boo-hoo.
00:26:02 So you got post-college depression
00:26:04 and you miss your friends.
00:26:05 So does everybody.
00:26:07 There's no reason to leave your family.
00:26:09 - Don't.
00:26:10 No, wait, I deserve that.
00:26:11 You've even been nice enough to come out
00:26:14 and help your girlfriend through this tough time.
00:26:17 And it wasn't even your mom who died.
00:26:19 And you've just gotten laid.
00:26:22 - What? - What?
00:26:23 - Sorry.
00:26:25 I was going to say laid off,
00:26:27 and then I stopped at laid and it was funnier.
00:26:32 - Have you though?
00:26:33 - What? - Slept together?
00:26:35 - That's an inappropriate question to ask anybody,
00:26:38 let alone a family member.
00:26:40 - Bruce, she knows.
00:26:42 I told her on the phone.
00:26:43 - What?
00:26:44 - We're girls, we talk about this stuff.
00:26:47 I just wanted to see what you'd say.
00:26:49 - Thanks, genius, for calling me bluff.
00:26:52 - Encourageable.
00:26:53 - All right, who's up?
00:26:57 I kept it quick, there isn't much hot water.
00:26:59 - I'll go.
00:27:01 - So Voltaire's back, or her boyfriend, I mean.
00:27:04 - What's wrong with you?
00:27:06 - What?
00:27:07 - You're chewing everyone out
00:27:08 like you've got something to be defensive about.
00:27:11 And please, don't give me another soliloquy
00:27:13 about your college friends.
00:27:15 - I fight back when everyone gangs up on me.
00:27:18 And anyway, what was your deal with mom?
00:27:21 - Nothing, perfect daughter.
00:27:23 - You were always insecure with her.
00:27:25 - I guess so.
00:27:27 - She put tons of pressure on both of us,
00:27:30 but frankly, it didn't affect me.
00:27:32 I wiped my ass off her.
00:27:33 - Quite well, I might add.
00:27:35 - But you, you put up with her.
00:27:38 She drove your boyfriends away,
00:27:40 and that's why you never introduced this one to her.
00:27:43 And now, you're perky 'cause she died,
00:27:46 and you wanna look for money.
00:27:47 - Are you done?
00:27:50 - Guess so.
00:27:51 - You know, if I believed you,
00:27:53 I'd be offended by all the crackpot logic
00:27:55 spewing out of you.
00:27:56 But I don't, because I know you.
00:27:59 And you've always been tough,
00:28:01 but you're just as insecure as I am.
00:28:03 Know how to get under my skin.
00:28:05 Bravo.
00:28:07 You know, I thought we'd do something together this weekend
00:28:10 since we never see each other.
00:28:11 Don't worry, I learned my lesson.
00:28:15 - Boo!
00:28:19 You call this a cat fight?
00:28:23 - What cat fight?
00:28:25 - You two have been at each other's throats all night.
00:28:27 Fight already!
00:28:28 - We have more class than that.
00:28:30 - Yeah, we're sisters.
00:28:31 We really love each other under all this hostility.
00:28:34 - Well, we'll see about that.
00:28:36 - Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
00:28:38 All I know is there's a long night ahead of us,
00:28:41 and this fight, it's not over.
00:28:44 That's for certain.
00:28:46 - It might not be, but I think I hit the nail
00:28:47 right on the head with you, Steph.
00:28:49 - Well, since you're so critical, what is your advice?
00:28:52 - My advice to you, and to Jeff, and to Bruce,
00:28:56 is get your heads out of the toilet,
00:28:58 and realize that life happens.
00:29:01 Mothers die, boyfriends get fired,
00:29:04 and people drink champagne.
00:29:07 Good things happen, and bad things happen.
00:29:09 There's no real way life is supposed to be.
00:29:12 - Thank you for the Ferris Bueller monologue.
00:29:16 - No, it's true.
00:29:19 Maybe I've been a bitch tonight,
00:29:20 but out of all of you, I'm the only one happy.
00:29:23 Amen.
00:29:24 (sighing)
00:29:26 - Guess I'm up.
00:29:32 - She's nuts.
00:29:41 - What happened?
00:29:43 - My sister just humiliated me
00:29:45 by showing what a complete whack job she is.
00:29:47 - I thought you said this was gonna be a fun night.
00:29:49 - Did I say that?
00:29:50 - Yeah, you did, Bruce.
00:29:52 - Aw, Jeff, come on over, help me and my girlfriend
00:29:55 move her dead mom's stuff, it'll be totally awesome.
00:29:57 We'll spend the whole night just chit-chatting away,
00:29:59 eating and drinking and having a good time.
00:30:01 - Yeah, it's been a real trip to the fun house, thanks.
00:30:03 - Well, I didn't know the lights were gonna go out.
00:30:04 Everything was just fine before that happened.
00:30:06 - That's been the least of tonight's problems.
00:30:09 - Things change when you're marooned like this in the dark.
00:30:12 You change, it's like being in the jungle.
00:30:14 - This place is about as filthy as the jungle.
00:30:17 - You think it's the dark
00:30:18 that's turning my sister into a bitch?
00:30:20 - Well, let me give you a good example.
00:30:22 Jeff, you may wanna cover your ears for this.
00:30:24 - No, there's no covering ears here.
00:30:26 I mean, Alex already humiliated me in front of him,
00:30:28 so what humiliating thing did you have to say?
00:30:29 - Baby, calm down.
00:30:31 - I'm waiting.
00:30:33 - Okay, so let's just say this.
00:30:35 Would you ever sell your body?
00:30:37 - No, absolutely not.
00:30:39 - Okay, but now imagine that you're broke, homeless,
00:30:42 and whatever, you name it.
00:30:44 Now would you?
00:30:46 - I'm sure plenty of homeless people
00:30:48 face that conundrum every day.
00:30:49 - But would you?
00:30:50 - No.
00:30:51 - Would you?
00:30:52 - Are you kidding?
00:30:54 I don't even need to be homeless.
00:30:56 - The point is, when you're living in the dark, you change.
00:31:00 - You didn't prove anything.
00:31:02 Jeff didn't have any morals to begin with, and I did.
00:31:05 - Well, you wait a couple more hours in the dark,
00:31:07 see if your answer changes.
00:31:09 - Let's say you're right.
00:31:12 What bothers me is the best example you can come up with
00:31:16 is one that degrades women.
00:31:17 - I don't see how it's degrading to women.
00:31:20 - Would you sell your body to a man?
00:31:22 Now you see my point.
00:31:25 - Hi, gang.
00:31:31 - I think we're all awake now.
00:31:33 - Fantastic, and I am outta here.
00:31:37 - Where are you going?
00:31:47 - Face it, Steph.
00:31:49 The lights aren't coming back on anytime soon.
00:31:51 We're not gonna find a treasure chest in all this junk.
00:31:53 I don't even wanna know what's living in that kitchen,
00:31:56 and I'm sick of hanging around here
00:31:57 with all this Tennessee Williams stuff.
00:31:59 And the fact that your mom is haunting the place right now,
00:32:06 really not helping.
00:32:08 - Yeah, but you can't go home, though.
00:32:09 Remember, Washington Avenue's closed till 6 a.m.
00:32:12 - I'll get a motel room and get some sleep.
00:32:14 - You know, honey, that doesn't sound
00:32:15 like that bad of an idea.
00:32:16 - Yeah, but all the motels around here
00:32:18 will be part of the blackout, too.
00:32:20 - I will walk five towns over if I have to.
00:32:22 - Wait.
00:32:23 I know I've been really difficult tonight
00:32:25 to all three of you, and I'm sorry,
00:32:28 but going out driving in the middle of the night
00:32:29 with all the lights out is probably not the best idea.
00:32:33 You had plans to come here and stay the night.
00:32:35 Let's call a truce.
00:32:36 - Nope.
00:32:40 - Wait, she's right, and we owe it to Steph
00:32:44 to at least look for this money until 6 a.m.
00:32:47 This night's gonna put us all in therapy.
00:32:49 - Look, I don't have a job, and come tomorrow,
00:32:52 I have no idea what I'm doing for the rest of my life.
00:32:54 I don't wanna sound greedy, but I could use a little money.
00:32:59 So I prefer if we didn't leave here until we found it.
00:33:01 - You know, Bruce, when you say that you got fired,
00:33:04 you do remind me that I was fired, too.
00:33:06 All right, let's keep searching.
00:33:11 (dramatic music)
00:33:15 (dramatic music)
00:33:18 (dramatic music)
00:33:20 (dramatic music)
00:33:23 (dramatic music)
00:33:26 (dramatic music)
00:33:29 (dramatic music)
00:33:56 - All right, enough putting off the inevitable.
00:33:59 The books.
00:34:01 - That's more of a mom thing, to hide your things
00:34:04 in her books.
00:34:05 - Knew this was coming.
00:34:06 (dramatic music)
00:34:10 (dramatic music)
00:34:15 (dramatic music)
00:34:20 (dramatic music)
00:34:25 (dramatic music)
00:34:28 (dramatic music)
00:34:31 (dramatic music)
00:34:34 (dramatic music)
00:34:41 (dramatic music)
00:34:47 (dramatic music)
00:34:54 (dramatic music)
00:35:01 (dramatic music)
00:35:03 - How convenient of your mother to have collected
00:35:12 every single book under the sun.
00:35:14 - It wasn't her fault.
00:35:17 Mom had a boyfriend for a while who used to give her books.
00:35:20 She used to joke it was a compulsion.
00:35:23 - So in short, your mother collected books, chemicals,
00:35:27 and White Castle cheeseburgers.
00:35:30 - And dillas, don't forget my dillas.
00:35:32 - Well, she did live here for 12 years.
00:35:38 It's part of the American experience,
00:35:40 collecting a lot of stuff.
00:35:43 - 12 years, geez, that's more than half my life.
00:35:47 - Let's close the book on that chapter.
00:35:49 No pun intended stuff.
00:35:52 - No, but, I mean, this is where I learned
00:35:55 to play the cello.
00:35:57 And, I don't know, that window over there
00:36:00 is where I first became religious.
00:36:03 - A window made you religious?
00:36:05 - When dawn comes, you'll see what I mean.
00:36:14 - Christ, here comes another sermon.
00:36:17 - I mean, it's not like it happened one day
00:36:19 and I got saved, but just years and years
00:36:23 of walking by this window every morning
00:36:25 when the light shines in.
00:36:27 Little rays, you know?
00:36:30 Beams, golden beams, like someone wants to shine in on you.
00:36:36 It made me wonder why we had day and night
00:36:42 and green and brown and leaves on the trees
00:36:47 and the smell, just a sweet, wild, and lonely smell
00:36:54 that just gets in your mind.
00:36:57 Made me wanna climb mountains.
00:37:00 Well, when dawn comes, you'll see what I mean.
00:37:07 - That's not really being religious, Seth.
00:37:15 - What?
00:37:16 - You had a quasi-mystical response to nature.
00:37:21 I've had that too.
00:37:23 - Makes you wonder what life's about, why you're here.
00:37:27 - You just don't understand.
00:37:29 - No, I do.
00:37:30 Do you know what nirvana is?
00:37:32 And yes, rest in peace, Cobain,
00:37:36 that's not the nirvana I'm referring to.
00:37:38 I mean the nirvana in Buddhism.
00:37:39 - I'm not Buddhist.
00:37:43 - It's a state of not wanting anything, complete bliss.
00:37:46 You had your nirvana.
00:37:47 - Yeah, I heard there's like two sects of Buddhism, right?
00:37:51 - Yeah, I studied all this in college.
00:37:53 The first one sees Buddha sort of as a teacher,
00:37:56 someone to follow, and the other one more as a god,
00:37:59 someone to worship.
00:38:00 I mean, people just really like having gods.
00:38:03 - You just haven't experienced what I have.
00:38:06 - Oh yeah, you've testified to the Holy Spirit.
00:38:08 - Very much.
00:38:10 - Yeah, so tell me this,
00:38:11 why are you having sex with your boyfriend over here?
00:38:14 - But you're just a harpy about sex, aren't you?
00:38:16 - No, no, I'm cool, I'm real cool.
00:38:21 - All right, all right, all right.
00:38:22 How about this?
00:38:23 How about no more repressed hostility?
00:38:25 From now on, why don't we all just speak openly?
00:38:28 - Yeah, if somebody asks you a question about sex,
00:38:30 you just answer it.
00:38:31 - That's not exactly what I meant.
00:38:34 - No, I'll answer your question, Alex.
00:38:37 Making love can be very romantic,
00:38:39 and I happen to be in love with Bruce.
00:38:42 - Yeah, adorable, but from a dogmatic point of view?
00:38:45 - Yes, you're right.
00:38:47 Lust is considered wrong, but I disagree with that.
00:38:50 It's unrealistic to tell a couple not to have sex.
00:38:53 I mean, we've all been in serious relationships, right?
00:38:57 - You just, that has nothing to do
00:38:59 with what I experienced by the window.
00:39:01 - Exactly, spirituality and dogmatic religion
00:39:03 have nothing to do with nothing,
00:39:05 and you've proven that just as sure as you are horny.
00:39:07 - You're being way too clinical here.
00:39:10 - Who was your first lay?
00:39:12 - What?
00:39:12 - Who was your first lay?
00:39:15 - Okay, well, if we're gonna volunteer
00:39:17 our sexual histories here, you're next.
00:39:19 - Fair game.
00:39:20 - Okay, I've only ever slept with Stephanie.
00:39:23 - Could you get it up the first time?
00:39:27 - Okay, you stoop to a new low.
00:39:29 - Okay, how many people have you had sex with?
00:39:32 - Zero.
00:39:34 - What?
00:39:34 - I've never had sex with anyone, male or female.
00:39:39 - Really?
00:39:40 But Alex, you're older than I am.
00:39:42 - What can I say, I've been confused.
00:39:44 - Yeah, you're a basket case.
00:39:45 You haven't said a single thing that's made sense all night.
00:39:48 - I guess I'm having a lesbian cow moment.
00:39:50 - I still don't get what that means.
00:39:52 - Would you stop making fun of my joke?
00:39:54 - I forgot you were even here, Jeff.
00:39:56 - Oh no, you stay right there.
00:39:58 You are one vicious bitch.
00:39:59 - I'm playing nice.
00:40:01 I haven't yelled at you at all in two hours.
00:40:03 - I mean it, you stay right there.
00:40:05 - Did it ever occur to you that your joke
00:40:07 is offensive to both lesbians and cattle?
00:40:10 - Well, if you were openly gay,
00:40:12 I would understand maybe why you take such issue
00:40:14 with this mindless joke,
00:40:16 but you don't even know who you are.
00:40:17 - What's that supposed to mean?
00:40:19 - It means you're in the closet
00:40:20 and you're too confused to know even how far back.
00:40:23 - He's right, Alex, you are deep in the closet.
00:40:26 You are so far back,
00:40:28 you're where the snow and the lamppost are.
00:40:30 - That's a wardrobe of a literary scholar.
00:40:32 - The point being, are you a lesbian or not?
00:40:37 - I don't know, I haven't really thought about it.
00:40:39 - Oh, please, I don't buy that for a second.
00:40:42 What, are you gonna assault me now
00:40:43 like you assaulted your sister?
00:40:45 Is that gonna happen every time we talk about this?
00:40:47 - I've just never put much thought into it.
00:40:48 - Well, you sure have put a lot of thought
00:40:50 into everything else, like how to break all three of us.
00:40:53 Maybe you're the one who can't get it up.
00:40:55 - Really, genius, I can't get it up?
00:40:57 Do I need to teach you about the female anatomy
00:40:59 or were you too busy not getting that
00:41:01 while you were doing my sister?
00:41:03 - No, he's right, you've never done it
00:41:06 and your one crush is unattainable.
00:41:08 You're the impotent one.
00:41:09 - Well,
00:41:12 checkmate.
00:41:16 - Man, I should feel vindictive now, but I just feel awkward.
00:41:19 - How about we make friends?
00:41:23 - No, I don't trust any of you, particularly you.
00:41:26 - Why, 'cause I told a stupid joke?
00:41:28 - Yes.
00:41:29 (screaming)
00:41:30 - Whoa.
00:41:31 Okay, there is definitely some kind of ghost in here.
00:41:35 - What's your Julia, Jeff?
00:41:39 - What?
00:41:42 You're not making any sense.
00:41:43 - Sorry, we're not making any sense.
00:41:45 - Sorry, lesbian cow moment.
00:41:47 But no, I'm asking a serious question.
00:41:50 What's your Julia?
00:41:51 We all know what my Julia is,
00:41:53 it's been exposed for the whole world to see.
00:41:55 But what's your Julia?
00:41:57 I know what it is.
00:42:01 It's not just one girl, it's the whole lot of them.
00:42:03 It's 'cause you can't get any.
00:42:06 - What?
00:42:07 What are you talking about?
00:42:08 You're not making any sense.
00:42:10 - You look like the guy on YouTube is the best you could get
00:42:13 and I've heard these aren't even the most successful
00:42:14 of your exploits.
00:42:16 So in truth, you're no different than me.
00:42:20 Dumber, yes.
00:42:21 Lacking in personal sanitation, yes.
00:42:25 But sexually quite impotent.
00:42:26 So I think you should join me on the floor
00:42:28 of shame over here.
00:42:29 - Jeff is nowhere near as bad as you.
00:42:32 - Well, I like to think of biting wit as a virtue.
00:42:34 Unless you mean that somehow I should be ashamed
00:42:38 of having a gay crush.
00:42:39 - Oh, well at least you're actually saying the word now.
00:42:42 - What do you know?
00:42:43 You men walk around with your shirts and pants off
00:42:45 and think that you're entitled to everything on earth.
00:42:48 - Wow.
00:42:50 I guess it's true what they say about lesbians hating men.
00:42:53 - Oh, believe me, sweetie, that part of my personality
00:42:56 has been in play long ago.
00:42:58 - So should we go back to looking for the money?
00:43:05 - You and your stupid money.
00:43:06 I never wanna hear the word money again after tonight.
00:43:10 - Look, we're all cranky from lack of sleep.
00:43:13 Therefore, I suggest we all take a nap.
00:43:17 It'll be daylight in a few hours anyway.
00:43:19 - I have a flight to catch tomorrow.
00:43:21 Unless it's canceled.
00:43:23 Maybe they'll let me keep the rental car for another day.
00:43:25 - Maybe they'll tell you where to put it.
00:43:28 - What was that?
00:43:29 - I said, maybe they'll tell you where to get,
00:43:31 putting, I'm sorry, I was just having a lesbian cow moment.
00:43:34 - Well, I'm going to take a nap.
00:43:39 I don't even care about the bed.
00:43:41 - Here, here.
00:43:44 - Come on.
00:43:45 - I'm really not that tired.
00:44:01 I mean, I knew we'd be up tonight.
00:44:04 - Well, we had enough of an adventure tonight.
00:44:07 (sighs)
00:44:09 - Look, I guess I should apologize for my sister.
00:44:15 - What the holy hell is wrong with her?
00:44:17 - I don't know.
00:44:18 I mean, I knew she was aggressive,
00:44:21 but I've never seen her lash out
00:44:22 at a complete stranger like that.
00:44:25 Guess he really hit a nerve tonight.
00:44:26 - Well, you started it.
00:44:27 You were the one who spotted the crush.
00:44:29 (sighs)
00:44:31 (sighs)
00:44:33 - I can't sleep.
00:44:38 This bed is uncomfortable.
00:44:39 - Fine, don't sleep.
00:44:40 Just let me rest.
00:44:41 - I know one thing we like to do when we can't sleep.
00:44:47 - Yeah, but tonight's probably not the best night for that.
00:44:51 - I'll change that in a few seconds.
00:44:53 (laughs)
00:44:55 - Okay.
00:44:59 (gentle music)
00:45:02 - Close your eyes.
00:45:17 (gentle music)
00:45:20 (gentle music)
00:45:23 - Is that what I think it is?
00:45:33 - Yep.
00:45:34 - What are you doing?
00:45:35 - Did you find the money?
00:45:36 - You're kidding me.
00:45:38 - Did you find the money and not tell me?
00:45:39 With all due respect,
00:45:40 you have a good motive for not doing so.
00:45:42 - You know that's not possible.
00:45:43 Where would I hide it?
00:45:44 In my ass?
00:45:45 - I just wanna be sure.
00:45:49 - Get out of here.
00:45:50 (laughs)
00:45:54 - Gotcha.
00:45:54 - Huh?
00:45:55 - Gotcha.
00:45:56 - Okay.
00:45:57 (laughs)
00:45:58 You made me wet myself.
00:45:59 That's great, thanks.
00:46:01 You know, I know you're not gonna murder me though.
00:46:03 - Oh yeah?
00:46:04 - 'Cause you're too religious.
00:46:05 - Yeah, well, what can I say?
00:46:06 Being in the dark changes your morals.
00:46:08 (laughs)
00:46:11 - So, you gonna tell me what's going on?
00:46:17 (sighs)
00:46:19 - You know Homer left me?
00:46:28 - Yeah, like seven months ago.
00:46:31 My like excess baggage?
00:46:32 - No, you're great.
00:46:34 It's just, he took everything.
00:46:39 It's like, I got home one day
00:46:42 and him and half my stuff were gone
00:46:46 and he never answered his phone again.
00:46:49 He even took my cello, which he doesn't play,
00:46:53 just to hurt me, I guess.
00:46:55 I could really use the money right now.
00:46:59 And it doesn't help that I hate my job and my boss.
00:47:05 That bitch makes me get on the floor
00:47:06 to fix the firewire cables.
00:47:09 I mean, I wish my boss was a Julia, you know?
00:47:15 Like, she paid me, gave me the respect I deserve.
00:47:19 Sure, I'd fall in love with the dicks.
00:47:22 - So that's what you want the money?
00:47:24 - Yes, damn it, I have a bachelor's.
00:47:26 I mean, I shouldn't be running office errands
00:47:29 and fixing cables.
00:47:31 I wanna quit and start writing again.
00:47:35 I feel trapped, you know?
00:47:37 Like, I'm the one that can't get it up.
00:47:41 - Well, that's how you feel that way.
00:47:44 You know, everybody's first job sucks.
00:47:46 - I know, but what's the point?
00:47:49 They don't give you a position to move up to.
00:47:51 - Well, you certainly are your sister's sister.
00:47:55 - I don't know what that means,
00:47:56 but I have a feeling you're right.
00:47:58 - I mean, you can both get angry, both dramatic.
00:48:03 You'd both kill me to prove a point.
00:48:05 - That's just our sense of humor.
00:48:09 We definitely inherited that from Mom.
00:48:11 - Yeah, I think you inherited
00:48:12 more than you'd like to share.
00:48:15 But anyway, it doesn't matter.
00:48:16 - Sorry about your job.
00:48:21 You didn't deserve that.
00:48:22 - I know, that's exactly what my boss said,
00:48:25 which just made it sting even worse.
00:48:26 But anyway, I guess you can take some pleasure
00:48:32 lying here reminiscing about how much life sucks.
00:48:35 The problem is, what do you do when you have to get up?
00:48:40 - I don't know.
00:48:42 (gentle music)
00:48:45 - You know, I feel like I've known you a lot longer
00:48:47 than however many months you said it was.
00:48:50 - Five.
00:48:51 - You're a lot wiser than your years.
00:48:55 It's complimented by your sister.
00:48:58 - What's that mean?
00:48:59 - Well, that I wondered about you.
00:49:02 - Well, if it makes you feel any better, you're all I have.
00:49:09 I mean, I'm sure we won't see much of Alex after tonight,
00:49:13 so you're the only person I'm close to.
00:49:17 But you've been good to me,
00:49:22 more like a husband than a boyfriend, you know?
00:49:26 Boyfriends come and go,
00:49:28 and then one day when you're at a friend's house,
00:49:32 they come over and steal your friggin' cello.
00:49:35 (laughs)
00:49:39 I'm sure if I had a cello, you wouldn't steal it.
00:49:41 Oh, I don't know.
00:49:44 What I do know is that life is not a fairy tale.
00:49:50 It's been a hard pill to swallow
00:49:53 coming from someone who grew up bringing Jane to Austin.
00:49:56 - Oh, I'd like to think I'm not as bad as all that.
00:49:59 - You're not.
00:50:00 (sighs)
00:50:04 - Hey.
00:50:08 Why'd you tell your sister about us?
00:50:10 - What?
00:50:11 - You know, that we did it.
00:50:13 (laughs)
00:50:14 - Like you don't tell your guy friends.
00:50:16 - Yeah, but they're not gonna grill you in your face
00:50:18 'cause you couldn't get it up.
00:50:20 - You did have trouble getting it up at first.
00:50:22 - Yeah, I know.
00:50:23 - I mean, it's okay.
00:50:25 You just gotta learn the ropes.
00:50:27 Gotta learn how to properly stimulate the little guy.
00:50:30 - Well, it wouldn't--
00:50:32 - He's kinda cute in retrospect.
00:50:33 - Yeah, it was.
00:50:34 (laughs)
00:50:36 - Hey, you know, it wouldn't have been the easiest honeymoon
00:50:38 if we'd have waited.
00:50:39 - Aw.
00:50:40 Sex has been good for me.
00:50:43 Hope it's been good for you, too.
00:50:46 (sighs)
00:50:51 Do you think we'll ever get married?
00:50:53 - You can't ask a question like that after five months.
00:50:55 - Ugh, I'm not proposing.
00:50:57 I just wanna see if you could see it working.
00:51:01 - Honestly?
00:51:06 No, not right now.
00:51:07 It's not 'cause I don't care about you,
00:51:08 because I do, but it's just like,
00:51:10 I don't think we're mature.
00:51:13 - Well, that's kinda my point,
00:51:17 that we, all four of us, are not yet mature.
00:51:22 - What do you mean, immature?
00:51:23 - No, there's a difference.
00:51:25 I mean, I agree with you.
00:51:27 I don't wanna be a wife, and I love you,
00:51:32 and I'm glad we're here sharing a moment.
00:51:36 (kissing)
00:51:38 - A moment where I say I don't think I'm gonna marry you?
00:51:40 (laughing)
00:51:43 - No, a moment of honesty.
00:51:45 - Fine, fair enough.
00:51:51 Let's just share our moment of bliss, then.
00:51:53 (screaming)
00:52:01 Whoa.
00:52:04 (screaming)
00:52:07 - What is it?
00:52:10 - Someone hit me.
00:52:12 - Hello, I've been right here the whole time.
00:52:16 - What do you mean, hit?
00:52:17 - Okay, maybe not like hit, but grazed me.
00:52:20 - Jeff, do you honestly think it was me?
00:52:23 - No, no, I guess it couldn't have been you.
00:52:28 I opened my eyes right after it happened,
00:52:30 you were sitting right there,
00:52:31 so that wouldn't make sense.
00:52:33 - I don't know, I wouldn't put it past Alex
00:52:34 to feel up a random person, then jump back.
00:52:36 - Enough, look, there's like a ghost in here.
00:52:38 - Stop saying that, you've been saying that all night.
00:52:40 - Does it not strike you guys
00:52:41 there's something a little off in this house,
00:52:43 and has been ever since we got here?
00:52:45 - Maybe you've been in the dark too much.
00:52:47 - No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:52:49 There is a ghost here, look at this, I'm bleeding.
00:52:51 - You did that just now, you nimrod.
00:52:53 Look, you're squeezing it.
00:52:55 - Does it really hurt that bad?
00:52:56 I mean, I already got assaulted tonight.
00:52:58 Wasn't by a ghost, though.
00:53:00 - Yes, it hurts, I have a wound.
00:53:03 - Maybe this ghost is the patron saint of lesbian cows.
00:53:08 - Come on, I'll tend to it.
00:53:13 - I've always hated this bathroom.
00:53:24 - Me too, I think some of my first drinks were in here.
00:53:27 - A little vodka in high school,
00:53:30 every time you visited mom,
00:53:31 you always asked to go to the bathroom.
00:53:33 - Yeah, most of my memories of that toilet
00:53:36 are of throwing up in it.
00:53:37 - Hi, my name is Jeff, and I'm bleeding.
00:53:39 - Wait a second, here's the alcohol, and the cough syrup.
00:53:46 Where's the liquid ammonia?
00:53:49 I'm dead serious, that's liquid ammonia,
00:53:54 it's a chemical, it's dangerous.
00:53:56 - Well, I didn't take it.
00:53:58 - Neither did I.
00:53:59 - You all showered in here,
00:54:00 you were all alone in the bathroom.
00:54:02 - I mean, unless we showered in the ammonia,
00:54:05 I don't know where it would have gone.
00:54:06 You can check our pockets if you want.
00:54:08 - Steph, why would anyone steal ammonia?
00:54:10 Was the money in there or something?
00:54:12 - No, it obviously wouldn't have fit.
00:54:15 - So what's the big deal?
00:54:16 - The big deal is that it was here a few minutes ago,
00:54:20 and the fact that it's missing is a little creepy.
00:54:22 - Thank you, and once again, I'm out of here.
00:54:29 - You're off again?
00:54:31 (door creaking)
00:54:33 - What, so you're going now?
00:54:34 - I am freaked out enough as it is,
00:54:37 and I'm sure that a shrink would find
00:54:39 all three of you very special.
00:54:41 - You don't really think there's a ghost in here, do you?
00:54:44 - I'm sorry, I'm not shaggy,
00:54:47 and I can't be bribed with Scooby Snacks
00:54:49 to stay and face a ghost.
00:54:50 - Zoinks!
00:54:51 - Wait, Jeff, it's almost five.
00:54:53 Washington Avenue will be open at 6 a.m.
00:54:57 There are plenty of other ways to pass an hour.
00:55:01 - 'Til six, that's what you agreed to.
00:55:03 - This has been the longest night in the history of my life.
00:55:13 In one night, I've seen the worst out of all three of you,
00:55:16 and I just met you two girls.
00:55:17 - Hey, man, I haven't been that bad.
00:55:19 - No, that's right, you're exonerated.
00:55:22 - Cool.
00:55:23 - Look, I'm bleeding, I'm tired, and I stink.
00:55:27 I'm still here.
00:55:28 - So what do you suggest we do for the remaining hour?
00:55:36 - Well, we never finished the books.
00:55:39 We could give another run at it.
00:55:40 - Okay, one more hour, all right?
00:55:50 Then I'm outta here.
00:55:51 See ya.
00:55:53 (dramatic music)
00:55:56 (dramatic music)
00:55:59 (dramatic music)
00:56:01 (dramatic music)
00:56:04 (dramatic music)
00:56:07 (dramatic music)
00:56:10 (dramatic music)
00:56:13 (dramatic music)
00:56:15 (thudding)
00:56:38 (thudding)
00:56:40 - Come on.
00:56:45 - It looks really nice out, guys.
00:57:01 You wanna go for a walk?
00:57:02 (door creaking)
00:57:05 (door creaking)
00:57:08 (dramatic music)
00:57:10 (dramatic music)
00:57:13 - Like someone wants to shine in on you.
00:57:40 (dramatic music)
00:57:42 - It made me wonder why we had day and night,
00:57:46 and green and brown, and leaves on the trees.
00:57:51 - Alex.
00:57:53 (dog barking)
00:57:54 Alex!
00:57:55 (thudding)
00:57:57 - I'm getting it all, bud!
00:57:59 - Thank you.
00:58:09 - Yeah, of course.
00:58:11 - Guess a little spirituality can kill you.
00:58:15 - No, idiots driving around at 6 a.m. can kill you.
00:58:20 (phone ringing)
00:58:25 - There we go.
00:58:26 Hello?
00:58:28 - Service.
00:58:30 - It's Susan from the Mora Inn.
00:58:33 - Hi, Susan.
00:58:33 - Listen, I'm sorry if I woke you, but I have big news.
00:58:38 We've been bought by Hilton.
00:58:40 - Hilton?
00:58:41 - Yep, just this morning,
00:58:42 so we're gonna have a lot of new openings
00:58:44 and we'll need you to stay on board.
00:58:46 - You, oh, wow.
00:58:49 - Thanks.
00:58:50 No cancellations.
00:58:53 Guess I'm taking the flight back to Cali.
00:58:55 So the weather's good, everything should be fine.
00:58:59 - Yes, yes, it won't be exactly the same job,
00:59:03 but there's a chance.
00:59:04 - What about Jeff?
00:59:06 - So I think I'm gonna tell Julie I'm in love with her.
00:59:09 - Well, we need as many people as we can.
00:59:11 The whole office structure is gonna change.
00:59:13 - That is absolutely amazing.
00:59:16 - I mean, I know our feelings aren't mutual,
00:59:17 but what's the worst that could happen?
00:59:20 - Well, you never know.
00:59:23 Might be a little weird,
00:59:25 but maybe it'll help the friendship.
00:59:28 - What about that girl?
00:59:32 - What girl?
00:59:33 - Your friend, Laura?
00:59:35 - I haven't talked to her in a very long time.
00:59:38 - I'll do my part if you do yours.
00:59:41 - Eh.
00:59:42 - It's not like you're not brave.
00:59:48 - Okay, all right.
00:59:51 Deal.
00:59:54 - That's amazing.
00:59:57 So the Hilton just up and bought the Mara in this morning,
01:00:00 just so suddenly?
01:00:01 - Well, first of all, I'm not sure
01:00:03 if it was so suddenly.
01:00:04 - Well, Bruce, I probably shouldn't be telling you this,
01:00:05 but there was a fire here last night.
01:00:07 - A fire?
01:00:08 - Relax, no one was hurt.
01:00:09 It was in the ballroom in the middle of the night,
01:00:11 but it was a blow we didn't need right now.
01:00:13 - That's incredible.
01:00:14 - Well, the weird part,
01:00:15 and this is really the last thing I can tell you, Bruce,
01:00:17 then I gotta go make more calls,
01:00:18 but the really weird part is how the fire started.
01:00:21 They explained it to me,
01:00:22 and it was something I didn't understand
01:00:23 about an explosion with metal ions,
01:00:25 but the bottom line is it all started
01:00:27 because a leak of liquid ammonia,
01:00:28 and no one has any clue where it came from.
01:00:32 (footsteps)
01:00:34 (clattering)
01:00:36 - The ammonia's still missing.
01:00:37 Where could it be?
01:00:39 - It's the ghost, man.
01:00:40 I'm telling you, the ghost went and saved our jobs.
01:00:43 - For all I know, one of you could have taken the ammonia
01:00:45 and started the fire yourself.
01:00:47 - What? - What?
01:00:49 - You were both out of sight for quite some time.
01:00:52 - Oh, oh, yeah, actually, you're right, Alex.
01:00:55 I stole the ammonia,
01:00:57 drove two hours all the way to the hotel,
01:00:59 started the fire, drove two hours all the way back,
01:01:02 and then those four hours I was gone, nobody noticed.
01:01:07 - Well, whatever.
01:01:08 - Thank you, ghost mom.
01:01:18 - You're here.
01:01:20 - Well, this has been a great night
01:01:27 of accomplishing nothing.
01:01:29 I guess the last half hour worked out, though.
01:01:32 You guys got your jobs back, and I almost died.
01:01:38 Now I got a plane to catch.
01:01:41 Bye, sis.
01:01:43 She's such a good girl, guys, isn't she?
01:01:50 - Goodbye, Stephanie, it was nice meeting you.
01:01:55 - Bye.
01:01:57 - I'll take a long nap when I get home,
01:01:58 but I'll call you as soon as I regain consciousness, okay?
01:02:02 - Thank you, sweetie.
01:02:03 - Well, I guess you guys have to drive off
01:02:06 towards the highway, don't you?
01:02:08 - Yep.
01:02:09 - Sorry I gave you guys so much grief tonight,
01:02:12 especially you, Jeff.
01:02:14 You're a good person and valiant.
01:02:16 - Yeah, blah, blah, blah, basically I saved your ass.
01:02:21 - Yeah, thank you.
01:02:23 - Ain't no thang but a chicken wang.
01:02:25 - Take good care of her.
01:02:27 Steph, I almost forgot.
01:02:35 You have to give a speech, sweetie, just like mom did.
01:02:39 She wouldn't let any visitors leave before she gave a speech.
01:02:41 All right, then, I guess I'll make one.
01:02:50 My dear friends, over the last three years,
01:02:54 I've lost everything.
01:02:56 My friends are all gone.
01:02:59 Now my mom's gone.
01:03:03 But it's like I said before,
01:03:07 life happens.
01:03:11 And I'm not alone.
01:03:17 Life happens.
01:03:18 There's no way that it's supposed to be.
01:03:21 I'm getting older now, and the best thing I could do
01:03:30 is let other people live their lives, find my own peace.
01:03:35 Now this place, this place is the only link
01:03:42 I have to my past.
01:03:45 But it's also a memento in a different way,
01:03:47 a museum of childhood.
01:03:50 And childhood, well, at least my childhood,
01:03:58 was built on a false idea of the way
01:04:01 life was supposed to be like.
01:04:03 So I'm happy to let it go.
01:04:06 I don't know what it meant to you guys.
01:04:11 Maybe it was some kind of temple of torture or something.
01:04:15 But for one night, just one night,
01:04:22 it was a home again.
01:04:26 And I was happy to say goodbye to it.
01:04:29 I guess there's no conclusion I could reach here.
01:04:34 There are no real conclusions, no solid ones.
01:04:42 Maybe tomorrow Julia will kiss me,
01:04:44 or she'll fire me, or she'll never speak to me again.
01:04:51 It's unavoidable.
01:04:54 I feel a trance right now,
01:05:05 like the one I was describing earlier.
01:05:10 The kind that Buddhists call nirvana.
01:05:12 I desire nothing.
01:05:17 And I feel a tiny tinge of gratitude
01:05:23 for every moment that I live.
01:05:25 - Amen. - Amen.
01:05:33 (gentle music)
01:05:36 (gentle music continues)
01:05:39 (gentle music continues)
01:05:43 (gentle music continues)
01:05:46 (gentle music continues)
01:05:50 (gentle music continues)
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01:05:56 (gentle music continues)
01:06:00 (gentle music continues)
01:06:04 (gentle music continues)
01:06:07 (gentle music continues)
01:06:34 - Your mom really lived like this?
01:06:36 - Mom would always say her money was in the toilet.
01:06:41 (gentle music)
01:06:47 (gentle music continues)
01:06:50 (gentle music continues)
01:07:16 (gentle music continues)
01:07:20 - Stephanie, hand me that book.
01:07:23 - Yes, mom.
01:07:24 - Alexandra, are you listening?
01:07:26 - Yeah, trust me, mom, I can always hear you.
01:07:29 - Oh, you're an incorrigible young lady.
01:07:32 Now, where is that poem?
01:07:34 "What is mine all belongs to my children.
01:07:39 What I take belongs to the forthcoming generation,
01:07:43 a strange little band inflicting pain with joy.
01:07:48 How affirming it must feel to be death,
01:07:51 to take the pieces of life and place them together
01:07:54 however you fancy them to be construed,
01:07:58 a space too vast to be even a puzzle
01:08:02 pouring endlessly over the edge."
01:08:05 (gentle music)
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