Taskmaster NZ S04E06 || Taskmaster NZ Season4 Episode6
Category
📺
TVTranscription
00:00 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:02 - Tchou!
00:04 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:08 (rire)
00:10 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:12 - Same!
00:13 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:14 - All right!
00:15 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:16 - Hi!
00:17 - Ha!
00:18 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:22 - Wouh!
00:23 ♪ ♪ ♪
00:26 - Say cheese!
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06:20 (applaudissements)
06:21 - Happy jacket.
06:22 (applaudissements)
06:23 - Why don't we dive into a proper task
06:26 and see what these guys are really made of?
06:28 - Good idea, Jeremy.
06:29 First task, let's hope they don't blow this.
06:32 (musique de jazz)
06:36 - Hello, Bubba.
06:42 - Hello, you.
06:43 - Once again, lovely to see you.
06:45 - Likewise.
06:46 - Hey, Paul.
06:47 - Hello, Karen.
06:48 - Balloons!
06:49 - I used to do balloon twisting.
06:51 - What could you make?
06:52 - Ah, dog, one time a kid asked me for a scorpion.
06:56 That was hard.
06:57 - Oh, no.
06:58 - Why'd you say, "Oh, no"?
06:59 - I'm really bad at blowing up balloons.
07:01 (rattling)
07:02 Get as many balloons on the desk as you can.
07:06 - Oh, no.
07:07 - Each balloon must be blown up,
07:10 have a face, and a name.
07:12 - If a balloon falls off,
07:14 you must get on your knees
07:16 and mourn it before placing it back on.
07:19 - Most balloons on the desk after 10 minutes wins.
07:22 My time starts...
07:23 - Hold on, hold on, hold on, I've got a question.
07:25 Can I glue it to the desk?
07:27 - Finish reading the task, please.
07:29 No, stay--
07:31 - Your time starts now!
07:32 (cheering)
07:34 - So, blow up balloons,
07:36 give them faces and names,
07:38 and then grieve them if they fall off the table.
07:41 A classic Taskmaster task.
07:43 Who's first?
07:44 - It's Karen Blowairy.
07:46 (laughter)
07:48 (blowing)
07:49 - Quite a small balloon.
07:51 - That makes sense, doesn't it?
07:52 Because, you know, I don't have to use as much lung power.
07:55 - Okay. I notice they don't have faces.
07:57 - I've got to assist them.
07:59 Blow first. Always blow first.
08:02 I've got to start putting some faces on.
08:04 ♪ ♪
08:06 That's Paul.
08:07 That's Anthony.
08:08 That's Anne.
08:09 Steve.
08:11 Which one do you want to go away?
08:13 - She has a name.
08:14 50 seconds.
08:16 - Violet.
08:18 - 35 seconds.
08:20 - Terry.
08:22 (laughter)
08:24 - Oh.
08:25 (laughter)
08:29 - Mourn them, please.
08:30 You've got 20 seconds left.
08:32 - Oh, I'm so sorry that you--
08:33 Oh, and the thing, Grace.
08:35 But I've still got-- they're just gonna blow off again.
08:37 - Seven seconds.
08:38 - Oh, I'm really sad that he fell off.
08:40 I'm so--apologies.
08:41 ♪ ♪
08:43 (whistle)
08:44 (laughter)
08:46 (applause)
08:48 - That is a waste of my time.
08:50 (laughter)
08:52 (whistle)
08:53 - That doesn't count.
08:54 - Skills.
08:55 No, that was gonna count.
08:56 That was such a good trick.
08:57 - I will admit, it was skills,
08:59 but it doesn't count.
09:00 - You were a little bit impressed.
09:02 - I was extremely impressed.
09:04 You happy with that?
09:05 - No.
09:06 I didn't look up,
09:07 and I didn't see that sign saying
09:09 the fans are gonna turn on in nine minutes and 30 seconds.
09:12 And had I seen that,
09:13 I would have done something differently.
09:15 (applause)
09:17 - Ah, yes.
09:19 Yes.
09:21 How did you feel, Karen,
09:23 when the fans came on?
09:25 - I felt, um, disheartened and windswept.
09:28 (laughter)
09:29 - How many balloons did Karen end up with on the desk?
09:31 - So, four.
09:32 - You're not telling me that blue amazing stomp kick
09:34 that went onto the table shouldn't have counted?
09:36 (audience whoops)
09:37 Thank you.
09:38 - Whoever that was.
09:39 (laughter)
09:40 - The people have spoken.
09:42 - No, I think four's fair.
09:44 - Okay.
09:45 - Some scream from the audience here randomly
09:47 does not give you another balloon.
09:49 That's not the way it works.
09:50 Coming up, more compelling footage
09:52 of comedians not looking up.
09:54 But first, we have to pay for all these balloons somehow,
09:57 so here's some ads.
09:58 We'll see you in a moment.
09:59 (cheers and applause)
10:01 (upbeat music)
10:04 (upbeat music)
10:08 (cheers and applause)
10:10 (speaking in foreign language)
10:13 - Paul, please bring us up to speed with where we are.
10:16 - Our contestants are attempting a task
10:18 where they must blow up, draw faces on,
10:20 name and mourn balloons.
10:22 Whoever ends the task with the most balloons on the desk wins.
10:26 Unfortunately, just like myself,
10:28 these balloons must contend with some pretty big fans.
10:32 (laughter)
10:33 Let's watch Die Mal Baba try fill rubber balloons with air.
10:39 (laughter)
10:41 - Here's some tape.
10:42 It's gonna help it stop it from falling off.
10:45 - Work hard and not smarter, Paul.
10:47 - Isn't it the opposite?
10:48 (laughter)
10:49 - What did I say?
10:50 - I think you said work hard and not smarter.
10:53 - Oh yeah, I got that.
10:54 (upbeat music)
10:57 - Does that first balloon have a name?
10:59 - Uh, yep, Jared.
11:01 - And what about that one?
11:02 - Oh, Paul.
11:03 - This is Paul.
11:04 - Who's that named after?
11:06 - Paul Ego.
11:07 (laughter)
11:09 (pop)
11:11 - This one's called Leo.
11:13 And I'm gonna call the other one Michelangelo, right?
11:16 Oh no!
11:18 (laughter)
11:19 My fallen soldiers, I mourn you and I love you.
11:23 - Blake, Amy, Genesis, Suzie, Lance, Angel, Jared, Paul.
11:27 - What's Angel's story?
11:29 - Uh, she's a pastor's daughter.
11:32 - You've got four minutes, Queenie.
11:33 - All of these girls are called Jess.
11:35 - What about this one?
11:37 - This one's called Jessica.
11:39 - 30 seconds.
11:41 (laughter)
11:43 (pop)
11:45 - I don't know why I wasn't working at this pin.
11:48 (audience gasps)
11:51 (laughter)
11:57 (applause)
12:00 - It's got a bit windy in here, right?
12:02 - I'm so sorry, Jess.
12:04 I'm so sorry, Jess.
12:06 Jess, I'm so sorry.
12:08 Anthony, you know, I love you, my friend.
12:11 - 15 seconds.
12:13 (laughter)
12:15 - Jess, I'm so sorry.
12:17 I knew there was some shit going on.
12:19 - What's your name? Lucy, you always have my heart.
12:21 I love you to the stars.
12:23 Charlie, absolute legend, my man.
12:25 Tennille, I mourn your loss.
12:27 I'm sorry to see you go.
12:29 Tulsi, these things happen, but I've got your back.
12:32 I'll see you in the universe.
12:34 Tino Faso and Malawi didn't even make it on.
12:37 - You happy with that? - Hell yeah.
12:39 I knew you were gonna do something like that.
12:42 - Happy with that? - Happy with that!
12:44 I finally don't feel stupid.
12:46 (applause)
12:49 - How did you guys know to use tape when you didn't know about the fans?
12:54 - Well, it just eliminates the possibility of it falling on the floor.
12:57 - I trusted my balloon balancing skills.
12:59 - And you shouldn't have.
13:01 (laughter)
13:02 - Fair call.
13:04 - Dara, did you ever manage to figure out
13:06 where the wind was coming from?
13:08 You didn't even see it.
13:10 - I was very deep just thinking about names.
13:14 It was my main thing.
13:16 I have my children were named there.
13:18 Your wife, for some reason, was one of the balloons.
13:21 - You said, "I'm sorry for what happened."
13:24 - Yeah, we can't go into that, but...
13:27 - Barbara, the look on your face,
13:29 that is the definition of a shit-eating grin right there.
13:33 - You were so happy with yourself.
13:36 - I knew, because after that glitter incident,
13:38 I was like, "They're gonna try to trick me."
13:40 - I'd like to just reinforce, there was no trick with the glitter.
13:43 - Yeah, OK.
13:45 (laughter)
13:46 - So Dai had nine balloons on the desk at the end of the time.
13:50 Bubba, 19.
13:52 Mal, 26.
13:54 - Ooh!
13:56 - Great work.
13:58 - Now that must mean that we've got one comedian left.
14:02 (laughter)
14:04 - And ever since you introduced this task,
14:06 I have been looking forward to this person's attempt.
14:09 - Famous for his lung capacity,
14:12 it's Ray O'Leary.
14:14 - I don't think I've ever blown up a balloon
14:16 and tied it up before in my life.
14:19 (laughter)
14:21 (blowing)
14:23 (laughter)
14:25 (blowing)
14:27 Is this good?
14:29 Now to try and tie it up after having blown it.
14:33 - Would you say that's blown up?
14:35 - I would say it's blown in.
14:37 How do you tie up a balloon? Do you twist the top?
14:40 - You've never tied a balloon before?
14:42 - I've never tied a balloon in my life.
14:44 (laughter)
14:46 OK, they just went up, they came on down.
14:51 But it doesn't say I have to tie them.
14:54 OK, so that one's Jeremy.
14:56 - You're scared that's gonna fall off?
14:58 - Yeah, I'm scared a balloon will just blow it.
15:00 Might bump into another balloon and fall off.
15:02 (laughter)
15:04 Is there like a technique to blowing them up?
15:07 - 30 seconds.
15:09 - OK, I don't have time to figure it out.
15:11 What's going... Oh, I see.
15:16 Did any of them fall over?
15:18 I don't think so, 'cause they're all taped to the desk.
15:20 (whistles)
15:22 I feel really good about that.
15:25 I mean, it's the saddest kids' party I've ever seen.
15:28 (applause)
15:31 - So Paul and I always knew
15:36 that there was a hidden challenge in that particular task
15:39 in the form of some fans.
15:41 What we didn't realise is that the challenge for you
15:44 was going to be actually blowing up a balloon.
15:46 (laughter)
15:48 - When do you mean to learn to blow up balloons?
15:53 - It's just one of those things you learn like walking
15:56 and sort of just like they generally come pretty naturally
16:00 talking and, you know...
16:01 - But you've seen me walk.
16:03 (laughter)
16:05 Do any of those count?
16:06 - No.
16:07 - Oh, come on.
16:08 - Jeremy, what do you think? Do we accept raised balloons?
16:11 - I think we should.
16:12 - Yeah.
16:13 (applause)
16:15 - Seriously, it's just...
16:17 As horrific as that was to watch,
16:20 the guy was trying to blow them up,
16:22 some air went in them, you know.
16:24 So with raised balloons counting,
16:26 that takes him to 14,
16:28 which leaps him into third place.
16:30 (applause)
16:32 So that means one point for Karen,
16:35 two for Di,
16:36 three for Ray,
16:37 four for Bubba,
16:38 and five points for Mel Bracewell.
16:40 (applause)
16:42 - Paul, are we allowed a cheeky little peek at the scoreboard?
16:47 - It's a four-way tie currently
16:49 in joint first equal with six points.
16:52 Bubba, Di, Mel and Ray.
16:54 - Wow.
16:55 OK.
16:56 (applause)
16:57 I think we all need a breeder after that.
16:59 Ray's still tired from trying to blow up those balloons
17:02 about three months ago.
17:03 We'll see you in a moment.
17:05 (applause)
17:07 (upbeat music)
17:09 (upbeat music)
17:14 (applause)
17:16 Welcome back to Taskmaster,
17:18 the only show on television where you can win a person
17:21 and also another person.
17:23 Paul, do we have another task loaded up?
17:26 - We sure do, Jeremy.
17:27 And please note that this task was filmed
17:30 before the team task,
17:32 so not everyone had met.
17:34 (upbeat music)
17:37 (upbeat music)
17:39 (upbeat music)
17:41 (water running)
17:43 - Well, that's cool.
17:44 (knocking)
17:45 - Oh, you can come in.
17:47 Oh, this way.
17:48 - Oh, come around this way.
17:49 - It's a push.
17:50 - Oh, is it a push?
17:51 - Yeah.
17:52 - Oh, there we go.
17:53 (laughter)
17:54 - Hello.
17:55 - Hello.
17:56 - What's up?
17:57 - I know these people.
17:58 - Rank them from favorite to least favorite.
18:00 (laughter)
18:02 - You can't say, "This one's for you, this one."
18:04 - Yeah, OK.
18:05 - He's getting drunk with power.
18:07 - Let me do whatever he wants.
18:09 Little freak.
18:10 (laughter)
18:11 - Become another contestant.
18:13 - Best becoming of another contestant wins.
18:15 - If you become the same contestant as somebody else,
18:19 your points will be halved.
18:21 - You must emerge through a door as your chosen contestant
18:24 in 20 minutes.
18:25 - Your time starts now.
18:28 - Do you know any of the other contestants?
18:30 - No.
18:31 - Who's this?
18:32 - Ah...
18:34 (laughter)
18:36 - Carol.
18:37 (laughter)
18:38 (applause)
18:42 - So, obviously not familiar with the New Zealand comedy scene there, Bubba.
18:45 - No.
18:46 - I didn't know anyone except I had met you.
18:49 - Do you remember his name?
18:50 (laughter)
18:53 - Whose impressions are we going to be blessed with seeing first, Poole?
18:57 - They're the wise elders of season four of Taskmaster New Zealand.
19:00 It's Dai and Karen.
19:02 - Dai?
19:04 He's way shorter than me.
19:06 It's not going to work.
19:07 - Physically, me and Mel are, you know, the same.
19:10 - So, so far you've said Ray you think is too obvious
19:13 and everyone will pick him?
19:14 - Yeah, but maybe because of that no one will pick him.
19:17 - Right.
19:18 - Bubba, I could pull off, but then that could go drastically wrong.
19:22 (laughter)
19:23 - Tonight, Poole, I'm going to be Ray O'Leary.
19:26 (applause)
19:29 - Tonight, Poole, I'm going to be Melanie Bracewell.
19:34 (applause)
19:37 (music)
19:40 (door slams)
19:43 (laughter)
19:45 - Hi, Poole. I'm Melanie Bracewell.
19:48 - Hello, Mel.
19:51 - Um, hello. My name's Ray O'Leary.
19:54 The other day a friend of mine asked me
19:57 if I'd be interested in watching the sun rise
20:00 and I thought to myself that that sounds like something
20:03 that would be interesting to a moth.
20:06 - I'm six foot two.
20:08 I enjoy watching the sun rise.
20:11 - I enjoy netball
20:13 and I'm quite a big deal in Australia.
20:16 - Favorite food?
20:18 - Coconut oil.
20:20 - Straight coconut oil?
20:22 - I panicked.
20:23 - My favorite movie is
20:26 What We Do in the Shadows.
20:28 - That's interesting because Karen O'Leary,
20:31 who's also on the show, she starred in that.
20:33 - Yeah, I'm aware of that because she's my sister and my partner.
20:37 - Biological sister?
20:38 - Yes.
20:39 - I don't know if you guys should be partners.
20:42 - I'd like to say a shout-out
20:45 to the Silver Ferns
20:48 and a big hoorah to the Southern Sting.
20:52 - Are they your favorite teams?
20:54 - Yeah, they're the teams I can remember.
20:56 - And what are your parents' names?
20:58 - I don't like to talk about my parents.
21:00 - OK, why is that?
21:01 - We're estranged.
21:02 - Oh, what happened?
21:03 - I started going out with my sister.
21:05 - And why did you not care?
21:07 - For some reason, no.
21:09 - Thank you, Mel.
21:11 - That's OK, Paul. Have a great evening.
21:13 - Thank you.
21:16 - Thank you, Ray.
21:17 - Dai, are you still behind the door?
21:21 - Maybe.
21:23 - You can go now.
21:25 - Thanks. Thanks, mate.
21:27 - Very good.
21:33 - Karen, was it just easier to stay O'Leary?
21:37 - Absolutely.
21:38 I thought, you know, stick with what you know.
21:40 And also, again,
21:41 I think we've got quite a similar kind of look.
21:43 - Stick with what you know is why we started dating.
21:46 - Yeah, yeah.
21:47 - Dai, you toyed with the idea of impersonating Barbara,
21:52 but then you said,
21:53 "No, I might get myself in trouble here."
21:55 What was your thinking behind that?
21:57 - Well, you know,
21:59 if we look at the history of blackface...
22:05 ...and we weigh up the pros and the cons...
22:08 ...the cons tend to be 100%.
22:13 So I thought,
22:15 "Let's go with a tall white woman instead."
22:18 - You all seem to overlook quite a large part of Mel's persona,
22:24 and that's her height.
22:25 You remained at the same height, which is interesting.
22:28 - Yeah, but the thing is,
22:29 I just focused on every other detail being picture perfect.
22:34 - All right. Who have we got next?
22:36 - They're the spring chickens of Taskmaster New Zealand season four.
22:40 It's Barbara, Mel and Ray.
22:42 - Tonight, Paul...
22:44 - I'm gonna be...
22:45 - ...dying.
22:46 - ...dying.
22:47 [laughter]
22:49 [applause]
22:51 [upbeat music]
22:54 ♪ ♪
22:59 [laughter]
23:01 - Oh!
23:02 [laughter]
23:04 [applause]
23:07 - Hello, Di.
23:08 - Oh, hello, Jeremy. Excited to be here.
23:10 Tonight on team two, we've got Ray O'Leary and Paul Williams.
23:14 I'm more excited than a...
23:15 than a...than a...than a chihuahua
23:17 who's ripping a slinky from underneath a grove.
23:19 Gonna go punch a sleeping bag later.
23:21 [thud]
23:22 - Go, bloody warriors!
23:24 [thud]
23:26 - Is the name "Die" short for something?
23:28 - Uh, yep. "Die Hard."
23:30 - "Die Hard." - "Die Hard."
23:31 - And your middle name?
23:32 - Uh, really.
23:33 First name, Duffin.
23:35 - So what's your full name?
23:36 - Duffin. "Die Really Hard."
23:38 - What's your favorite movie?
23:40 - Oh, anything with the bloody phone phone warriors in it,
23:43 I tell you.
23:44 - Do you break that umbrella?
23:45 - Uh, yep.
23:46 Doesn't matter.
23:47 I'm rich.
23:48 - How'd you get so rich?
23:50 - Uh, just the greatest comedian alive in New Zealand.
23:53 - In New Zealand?
23:54 - Yep. Billy T. Shmilly Shmee.
23:56 - Shmilly Shmee?
23:57 - Yeah, Billy T. Shmilly Shmee.
23:59 [laughter]
24:01 - What is this?
24:02 - A jig.
24:04 - A jig?
24:05 [laughter]
24:07 - You know, I love to dance.
24:09 - If you had to pick a contestant to impersonate,
24:12 who would you pick?
24:13 - I'd pick Melanie, and I'd get on stilts.
24:16 She's massive. She's a giant freak.
24:18 - And you would make fun of that?
24:20 - Whatever she does to make fun of me
24:22 is now no longer offensive.
24:24 'Cause I've said, "She's a stupid little bitch freak."
24:27 - I don't think we should say that kind of thing about Mel.
24:29 - I'd love to stay in the show.
24:31 - I'd love to stay and chat with you,
24:33 but I've got a, uh, a viewing.
24:37 - A viewing?
24:38 - Yep.
24:39 - What do you mean?
24:40 - Looking at some real estate.
24:41 - Buying or selling?
24:42 - Both.
24:43 - You're buying and selling real estate?
24:45 - Yep. That's why I wear these suits.
24:47 - Okay.
24:48 - Yep. I've got to go.
24:49 - Thank you, Di.
24:50 - Thanks, Paul.
24:51 - Thanks, Paul.
24:52 Oh, God.
24:54 - You okay, Di?
24:56 - Yeah, yeah, I just had a growth spurt.
24:58 [laughter]
25:00 [applause]
25:03 [laughter]
25:06 [applause]
25:09 - Bubba, first of all,
25:10 you gave me a real sort of comateur,
25:14 Māori elder sort of vibe.
25:16 - Because I thought you were Māori, remember?
25:18 - Oh, yeah.
25:19 [laughter]
25:21 - Yeah.
25:22 - Can I just ask, Bubba,
25:23 why was Di going to open homes?
25:25 Do you think he's involved in real estate?
25:28 - I don't know. I thought, what do people with money do?
25:30 [laughter]
25:32 I live in Avondale.
25:34 [laughter]
25:35 Also, Ray,
25:37 when did you think I looked like a used car salesman?
25:40 [laughter]
25:42 - I didn't recognize at first that that was even you, Ray.
25:44 - No, I didn't.
25:45 - No, no.
25:46 - The role consumed me.
25:47 [laughter]
25:49 - Okay.
25:50 I think all three Di's deserve two points each.
25:53 - Is that pre-halved or post-halved?
25:55 - Exactly what I was about to ask.
25:57 - That's pre-halved.
25:58 - Okay.
25:59 [audience oohs]
26:00 - So two points halved, one point each.
26:02 - Yeah, one point each.
26:03 - Okay.
26:04 - Di, three points for your Mel.
26:07 It was basically,
26:08 you just had some women's clothes and a wig on,
26:10 and the rest of it was just you.
26:11 And then I reckon four for you, Karen,
26:14 'cause I think that was the best impersonation was Ray.
26:16 [laughter]
26:18 - Well done.
26:19 [applause]
26:20 - Paul, do you think it's time for another task?
26:22 - Jeremy,
26:24 asking me that has made me the happiest man in the world.
26:27 [laughter]
26:28 - I do.
26:29 [laughter]
26:31 [laughter]
26:33 - Paul?
26:34 [laughter]
26:36 - [sighs]
26:38 - Ooh!
26:39 I always knew Paul had the hots for me.
26:41 - Oh, cute!
26:43 - I'm presuming this is like a clue.
26:45 - Quite romantic.
26:47 [laughter]
26:48 - Am I missing it?
26:49 Is this the task?
26:50 Are we doing it?
26:52 - This is what it's like to be loved.
26:54 - Oh, there's--oh!
26:56 I guess we'll follow these.
26:58 - Paul!
26:59 - You shouldn't have.
27:01 - What do you want?
27:02 - Will you take this task?
27:04 - Yes, okay, a thousand times yes.
27:07 - Thank you.
27:08 - Oh!
27:09 [paper rustling]
27:12 - Get married.
27:13 - You cannot marry Paul.
27:15 - Well, this is--it's ridiculous.
27:16 You know that's what I want.
27:17 - Best wedding wins.
27:19 - You have 30 minutes.
27:21 - Your time starts now.
27:23 Will any of you marry me?
27:25 - We need them to film it.
27:26 - Oh, yeah.
27:27 - When I was a child,
27:28 I was at a dinner
27:29 and I was thinking in the glass
27:30 and my friend was like,
27:32 "Why are you thinking in the glass?
27:33 "Do you have an announcement?"
27:34 And I told her I'm getting married to my hand.
27:36 So maybe I could marry my hand.
27:38 - Okay.
27:39 - I'm gonna need to get a plane from L.A.
27:42 so that my partner can come here.
27:44 - In 30 minutes.
27:46 - Damn it.
27:47 [laughter]
27:48 - Damn, my bride's falling apart.
27:50 - Wait, I can marry myself.
27:51 How many people would do that?
27:53 - Probably.
27:54 - Yeah.
27:55 - And where would you like to get married?
27:56 - I'm gonna have a look.
27:57 Can I scout?
27:58 I'm location scouting.
28:00 - Okay.
28:01 [applause]
28:03 - Oh, lovely, romantic task, this one.
28:06 Who's beautiful ceremony
28:07 do we have the honor of seeing first, Paul?
28:09 - He's our only married contestant.
28:11 So if you're Dai's wife,
28:12 avert your eyes.
28:14 It's Dai Henwood.
28:16 - What would a dude in his mid-40s marry?
28:19 - I know what a dude in his mid-40s would marry.
28:22 Some golf clubs.
28:24 [laughter]
28:26 - You see where I'm going with this?
28:27 - What do you reckon the chances are
28:28 of getting Flo Rida here in 25 minutes?
28:31 - Well, I assume he's probably in Florida.
28:33 - If I can't get him here,
28:35 can I play a Flo Rida song?
28:37 - We probably can't afford a Flo Rida song,
28:39 but we could get some royalty-free music.
28:41 - I would love royalty-free Flo Rida.
28:44 - Okay.
28:45 [hip-hop music]
28:48 ♪ ♪
28:55 [hip-hop continue]
28:57 ♪ ♪
29:04 [laughter]
29:07 - Um...
29:09 We gather here today
29:11 to bear witness to the wedding
29:14 of Shoshana and Dai.
29:17 They'll now do the vows.
29:19 - I will be there through death,
29:21 before death, and after death.
29:24 I love you, Shoshana.
29:25 - Shoshana, sorry.
29:26 - Can I have the ring, Shoshana?
29:30 Shoshana, sorry, it really does catch on the tongue.
29:33 Will you take me to be your-- your--
29:35 your other half?
29:37 And will you be my middy?
29:39 Peace.
29:41 - Did she agree?
29:43 - Oh, yeah.
29:45 - Thank you, Dai.
29:46 - See you later, Bob.
29:47 - Oh, you're heavy.
29:48 - Oh, shit, sorry.
29:50 This is just what happened to my first wife.
29:53 - Let's just put you there
29:54 and let's just run another way.
29:57 [laughter]
30:00 [applause]
30:02 - Boy, there's a lot to unpack there, isn't there?
30:04 - [laughs]
30:05 - You know, the worst thing was,
30:06 as you left, you were saying to Shoshana,
30:08 "You're a little bit heavy."
30:09 Never a good line at a wedding.
30:11 And then when Shoshana felt the bits,
30:13 she just took off.
30:14 - You know, sometimes
30:16 you've got nowhere to hold 'em.
30:18 [laughter]
30:19 You've got nowhere to fold 'em.
30:22 And you've got nowhere to run away.
30:24 - If you're in the market for a new vacuum cleaner
30:26 or insurance company,
30:27 I would pay attention to the next bit.
30:29 It's the ads.
30:30 And we'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
30:32 [cheers and applause]
30:35 [upbeat music]
30:38 ♪ ♪
30:44 - Nomai Hokemai, welcome back.
30:46 It's nice to have your company.
30:47 Where are we at, Paul?
30:48 - We're watching people get married.
30:50 We're watching people get married for our entertainment.
30:52 And what I believe is a television first.
30:55 - Whose freaky wife or husband
30:57 are we going to meet next, Paul?
30:59 - You are hereby invited to the wedding of Karen O'Leary.
31:03 - So can I get my partner on FaceTime?
31:05 - If you want. - Yep.
31:07 - And if they don't mind being involved.
31:10 - It's marrying me.
31:11 Why would you not want to be involved in that?
31:12 Irish!
31:13 - Yeah?
31:14 - You may start the music, please.
31:16 [trumpet playing]
31:19 ♪ ♪ ♪
31:29 - Irish, obviously, I'm very excited to be here today
31:32 to marry you.
31:33 You know, you're an amazing person,
31:34 and I've actually written you a very special song.
31:37 ♪ I do love you, I do love you ♪
31:39 ♪ Marrying today is what I will do ♪
31:42 ♪ I do love you, I do love you ♪
31:44 ♪ Marrying today is what I will do ♪
31:47 ♪ You make me so happy, make me smile every day ♪
31:50 ♪ Even though currently you live over, over in L.A. ♪
31:53 ♪ I can't wait to be married to you for the rest of my life ♪
31:56 ♪ Please, my darling Irish, will you please be my wife? ♪
32:00 [audience groans]
32:01 - Will you take my hand in marriage?
32:03 - I will.
32:05 - Thank you.
32:07 Now we can kiss.
32:09 [kissing]
32:11 [crunching]
32:12 - Sorry.
32:13 - That's good. More, more.
32:15 Keep going.
32:17 - Oh, sorry.
32:18 - My bouquet. I've got to flow the bouquet.
32:20 Three, two, one.
32:23 - One.
32:24 [crunching]
32:25 [audience cheers]
32:26 - You got it! Congratulations, Paul.
32:27 - Thank you.
32:28 - Thank you so much.
32:29 Ooh. Ooh, dangerous.
32:31 [audience cheers]
32:35 - I want to do both of you.
32:37 - I can't understand.
32:39 - This is the same woman that you've offered up
32:41 as a prize this morning.
32:43 [audience laughs]
32:44 - Well, it's ironic it happens to be the same episode.
32:47 - For some reason, it just felt a little bit more
32:50 heartfelt than "Dies."
32:52 - I don't know. I mean, with a bit of Flo Rida,
32:55 that would have been perfect.
32:57 - Whose beautiful events are you going to awkwardly
33:00 hover around next, Paul?
33:02 - He's always worn a suit, just in case this exact situation
33:05 ever arose.
33:07 It's Ray O'Leary.
33:09 - ♪ Dun dun da dun ♪
33:11 ♪ Dun dun da dun ♪
33:14 ♪ Dun dun da dun ♪
33:16 ♪ Dun dun da dun ♪
33:18 ♪ Dun dun da dun ♪
33:20 All right. We'll have to do it.
33:22 - We gather here for the special day of Ray O'Leary...
33:27 - And Fenella. - And Fenella.
33:29 - Fenella, I've loved you since the day we met,
33:32 which was earlier today.
33:34 We went on this hunting trip with this lion,
33:38 which was--is also my best man.
33:40 And even though you're severely dismembered,
33:43 you still look as beautiful as the day I met you,
33:46 which was slightly before the dismemberment.
33:49 - Does anyone object?
33:51 - Oh! I blimmin' object!
33:54 This best man disfigured Fenella earlier today
33:59 at the hunting trip, and so that's why--
34:02 and so this is a bad marriage.
34:04 You understand the logic of why I'm objecting?
34:07 - Because his best man dismembered the bride
34:11 earlier in the day. - Yeah.
34:13 - Yeah! - No, honey, it's not true.
34:16 - Oh! - Oh, no, my love, no!
34:20 Beautiful, melodramatic wedding.
34:23 Oh!
34:25 I would be genuinely surprised
34:32 if we ever see anything shitter than that ever.
34:35 [laughter]
34:38 - I don't think it was just as heartfelt as Harry's.
34:44 - Can I just say, I was there on the day,
34:47 and I'm actually impressed with how that turned out.
34:50 [laughter]
34:53 - Who's next, Paul?
34:55 Hopefully it's a slightly happier one than Ray's.
34:59 - It's time for a bubba bath.
35:02 [music]
35:05 - Look at her go.
35:10 Wow, absolute f---ing hottie.
35:13 From the gutter to the block butter.
35:15 Woohoo!
35:17 Hello, me.
35:19 Hi! I'm so glad you showed up.
35:23 - We're gathered here today
35:26 to witness the wedding of Bubba and Bubba.
35:30 Please do your vows.
35:32 - Um, cool. It's been cool knowing you.
35:35 My first memory of you is when we were at that house in Mangere
35:38 and you burnt the garage down.
35:40 Oh, that's when I knew I was in love with you.
35:42 I think that we've come such a long way.
35:45 It's been a pleasure being you.
35:48 Me.
35:49 - Thank you, Bubba.
35:51 Bubba, your vows, please.
35:54 - Listening to your garage story
35:56 just reminds me of all the things that we've been through,
35:59 and after this, we've got some
36:01 bee soup and potato salad waiting at home.
36:04 Yeah.
36:05 - Bubba, you may kiss yourself.
36:08 - Sweet.
36:10 - You happy with that?
36:18 - Kind of.
36:19 - What do you mean, "kind of"?
36:20 - Yeah, I'm pretty cold and wet.
36:21 I don't know if it's worth it.
36:23 [applause]
36:26 - What are you-- I don't know! We didn't even show it!
36:29 - What a twist that was at the end.
36:31 The bath was full of water all the time?
36:33 - Yeah, uh, I don't know why I filled it.
36:36 [laughter]
36:37 - She spent over half her time filling the bath.
36:40 [laughter]
36:41 - Has that always been a dream, not only to marry yourself?
36:44 - Yeah, wet dream.
36:45 - But marry yourself.
36:47 All right, I need to see one more before I can score, Paul.
36:50 - Sure thing, Jeremy.
36:51 Here's Mel asking herself for her hand in marriage.
36:55 [soft piano music]
36:58 [birds chirping]
37:02 [laughter]
37:04 - Ladies and gentlemen, I am a celebrity magician.
37:08 Welcome to the wedding of Melanie Bracewell and her hand.
37:12 - Make me proud, son.
37:14 - He better not break my young daughter's heart.
37:17 - You may do your vows.
37:19 - Handy, I've known I've always loved you
37:22 since in high school when none of the boys
37:26 were interested in me.
37:28 You--you were always there.
37:31 - Melanie, I feel the same way.
37:35 - He's a better man than I'll ever be.
37:37 Those are our vows.
37:38 - Okay, does anybody object?
37:41 - I object.
37:42 [gasps]
37:44 - Is that celebrity singer-songwriter Taylor Swift?
37:47 - Yes, it's me, Taylor Swift.
37:49 She's always got my back.
37:51 - I saw Handy cheating on Melanie with...
37:55 Paul.
37:57 - Eesh!
37:58 - Handy, you'd cheat on me with Paul,
38:00 the celebrity/magician?
38:02 You bastard!
38:03 Paul, do you have anything to say for yourself?
38:05 - Yeah. Uh, watch this.
38:08 [gasps]
38:09 - That was the most impressive magic I've ever seen.
38:12 - That's good shit.
38:13 - This is the best wedding I've ever been to.
38:15 - That was amazing.
38:17 [cheers and applause]
38:19 - Great production. - It was really good.
38:21 - See, Ray, that is how you do multiple characters.
38:25 Right there.
38:26 - Not one character was dragged along by a rope.
38:30 - How did the hand that you were marrying
38:33 have an affair with Paul without you knowing?
38:36 - The magician would have used sleight of hand.
38:39 [laughter]
38:41 [applause]
38:43 - I chose my hand because when you're a woman
38:46 in your mid-20s
38:47 and you look at the men in the world,
38:49 you do realize that your hand can do a better job
38:52 most of the time.
38:53 - You can also just look at other women.
38:55 That's also a good thing.
38:57 - You're right. You've convinced me.
39:00 [laughter]
39:01 - Well, to be honest,
39:02 I think two of our contestants didn't get married.
39:05 - Okay.
39:06 - One point for Mel.
39:07 [gasps]
39:08 One point for Ray.
39:09 - That's probably more than what I deserve.
39:12 [laughter]
39:14 - Bubba in the wet bath,
39:16 three points for you.
39:17 - Thank you, Taskmaster.
39:19 - Di, four points for you.
39:21 And Shoshana, was it?
39:23 - Oh, Shoshana.
39:25 [laughter]
39:26 - And I feel it would be unfair
39:27 not to give you five points, Karen,
39:29 'cause you actually married someone that you--
39:31 - That was beautiful.
39:32 - Yeah, exactly.
39:33 - Beautiful.
39:34 - And your song was beautiful.
39:36 - Beautiful.
39:37 - Speaking of marriages,
39:38 here are some examples of the unhappy marriage
39:40 between art and consumer capitalism.
39:43 They're called ads.
39:44 We'll see you after the break.
39:46 [cheers and applause]
39:48 [upbeat music]
39:51 [upbeat music]
39:55 [cheers and applause]
39:57 - Hello, my hookah, my welcome back.
39:59 About to let you get back to your evening.
40:01 But first of all, we need to see what our scores
40:04 are looking like for this particular episode, Paul.
40:06 - It's a low-scoring affair, Jeremy.
40:08 Out in first equal with 13 points each,
40:11 it's Di and Karen.
40:12 [cheers and applause]
40:15 All right, let's head upstairs for a famous Taskmaster
40:19 live task.
40:21 [cheers and applause]
40:22 [upbeat music]
40:24 Can someone please explain what I'm looking at here?
40:27 - Karen, would you please read this task?
40:30 - I'd love to.
40:32 "Side with the Taskmaster.
40:34 "Paul will read aloud a statement,
40:35 "and you must decide whether the Taskmaster
40:37 "would agree or disagree with that statement
40:40 "by standing in the corresponding bathtub.
40:43 "The person who correctly sides with the Taskmaster
40:46 the most wins."
40:48 - You ready? - Yep.
40:50 - Italian food is overrated.
40:52 [whistle blows]
40:54 [laughter]
40:57 ♪ ♪
40:58 Jeremy, one point for Di, Karen, and Mel.
41:03 [cheers and applause]
41:04 - [bleep]
41:06 [laughter]
41:07 - Jam goes in the fridge.
41:09 [whistle blows]
41:10 ♪ ♪
41:16 - Get your leg up.
41:18 - Get my leg up!
41:20 - Jeremy, one point for everyone.
41:23 [cheers and applause]
41:25 - [screams]
41:27 [laughter]
41:29 - The people who stand up on planes
41:31 should be allowed to get off first.
41:33 [whistle blows]
41:34 ♪ ♪
41:39 - Jeremy, a point for Mel, Bubba, and Ray.
41:43 [cheers and applause]
41:45 Ray O'Leary's suit suits him.
41:48 [laughter]
41:51 - Aw.
41:53 - Yeah, but it's what he thinks.
41:55 [laughter]
41:56 It's not what I-- I love you.
41:58 [laughter]
42:00 - One point for everyone but Bubba.
42:02 [applause]
42:05 Black shoes with white socks is okay.
42:08 [whistle blows]
42:09 - Yeah.
42:10 [laughter]
42:11 - Jeremy, one point for Bubba and one point for Ray.
42:15 [cheers and applause]
42:19 Tea goes in before the milk.
42:23 [whistle blows]
42:24 ♪ ♪
42:26 Jeremy, one point for Karen, one point for Mel,
42:30 and one point for Bubba.
42:32 - What kind of sicko doesn't think that?
42:34 [laughter]
42:37 There we go. All of my opinions are laid bare.
42:40 Shall we go down and score the round?
42:42 [cheers and applause]
42:44 ♪ ♪
42:46 Come and take your seats, and let's score the live task.
42:49 So there's someone that came first.
42:51 There's a tie as well, and then there's someone
42:53 that came last, right? - Yes.
42:55 - Okay, so we go one point, three points, five points.
42:57 - Okay, so one point for Dai. - Yep.
43:00 - Three points for Bubba, Karen, and Ray.
43:02 - Yep. - And five points for Mel Bracewell.
43:04 - Beautiful.
43:06 Okay.
43:07 Before we announce our winner for tonight,
43:09 shall we look at the overall series scoreboard?
43:13 - It's incredibly tight, Jeremy.
43:14 There's only eight points between last and first,
43:17 but leading with 77 points, Melanie Bracewell.
43:21 [cheers and applause]
43:24 - Well, the race for my head is as exciting as ever,
43:27 but enough about me.
43:29 Who is tonight's winner, Paul?
43:31 - The winner of episode five with 16 points,
43:35 it's Karen O'Leary.
43:37 - I love my partner. Yay!
43:40 [cheers and applause]
43:43 - Congratulations, Karen.
43:44 You are now the proud owner of bare perfume,
43:48 one Japanese jacket, and two human beings.
43:52 Please celebrate accordingly on stage.
43:55 [cheers and applause]
43:58 It's been a wild ride, but what did we learn?
44:03 We learned that Ray O'Leary has the lungs
44:06 of a Victorian child laborer.
44:09 Most importantly, we've learned that Karen O'Leary
44:12 is the winner of episode five.
44:15 Thank you so much for watching.
44:17 We'll see you next time. Ka kite.
44:19 [cheers and applause]
44:22 ♪ ♪
44:29 [cheers and applause]
44:32 ♪ ♪
44:35 - I'm ready for some good old-fashioned
44:37 television drama.
44:38 - Die, you cheating bastard!
44:40 - No!
44:41 - We didn't lose it at each other.
44:43 - We just hated the task and the show.
44:46 [laughter]
44:47 It felt like I was out with my kiakizu.
44:49 (Rires)