Ranking Top 5 Most Embarrassing Situations To Be In
Eddie | The Dog Walk
Transcript
00:00:00 - All right, Big Mac, today is Monday, it's September 25th.
00:00:02 Welcome to the Dog Walk, presented by Barstool Sports.
00:00:04 Nick Draft Monday.
00:00:05 We have two in-studio guests today.
00:00:07 We are joined by Kate, we are joined by Nick.
00:00:09 Kate, how are you?
00:00:09 - I'm doing great, thanks.
00:00:11 - Nick? - Feeling good.
00:00:12 - She actually took my answer, but I'm good.
00:00:14 - You have to be terrible now.
00:00:15 - I'm a bad day.
00:00:16 - Yeah. - Yeah.
00:00:17 - A brutal day.
00:00:18 - Kate. - Welcome back.
00:00:19 - Thank you.
00:00:20 - How pregnant are you now?
00:00:21 Let's give the fans in the room a look.
00:00:23 - Yeah.
00:00:23 - Who are you fucking pregnant?
00:00:24 - I'm nervous sitting here.
00:00:25 - I have like a month to go.
00:00:26 - Month to go.
00:00:27 - He said he's like 99th percentile big fella.
00:00:30 So.
00:00:31 - Oh, we're gonna trend?
00:00:33 - They said I might have to go earlier
00:00:35 and like schedule earlier
00:00:36 'cause his shoulders might get stuck.
00:00:37 They said like something displayed,
00:00:39 they're like, he's big.
00:00:40 - I don't know how women do it.
00:00:41 - Me neither, man.
00:00:42 - That's the beeves, baby.
00:00:43 - That's the beeve. - That's what he does.
00:00:44 - That's all beeve, man.
00:00:45 That's, if you haven't seen him, look him up, you'll get it.
00:00:49 Yeah. - Incredible.
00:00:50 - But doing good, yeah, almost there.
00:00:51 Light at the end of the tunnel.
00:00:53 - And then are you done?
00:00:54 - Oh yeah.
00:00:56 I'm actually, this is TMI, but you can,
00:00:59 the day you give birth,
00:01:00 since everything's already a mess down there,
00:01:02 you can request them to like just cut 'em,
00:01:05 since it's hard, and I said, this time around,
00:01:07 I said just, I'm done.
00:01:09 - Get the fuck rid of 'em.
00:01:10 - Chop me up, I'm done, yeah.
00:01:12 - Two's enough.
00:01:13 - That's enough for me. - Two's perfect.
00:01:14 - Do you know the gender on this one?
00:01:16 - It's a boy.
00:01:17 - Boy, so two boys. - Another boy.
00:01:17 - The gruesome twosome.
00:01:18 - Your kids are gonna be so bad, I know it.
00:01:20 - They're gonna be so bad.
00:01:21 Oh, they're gonna be so bad.
00:01:22 - Again, it's the beeve's fault.
00:01:23 - It's completely, yep.
00:01:25 - He was a bad kid, apparently, and so.
00:01:27 - Yeah, the beeve was a bad kid.
00:01:29 - Obviously, obviously.
00:01:30 - He grew up to be the beeve.
00:01:31 - Yep.
00:01:32 - I don't believe that.
00:01:33 - Have you guys met him?
00:01:34 - Yeah, he's the best.
00:01:35 - Yeah, he's the best.
00:01:35 - Cash?
00:01:36 - No, that's her child.
00:01:38 - I know, I don't think I know who the beeve is.
00:01:40 - My baby dad?
00:01:41 - That's the father of the son.
00:01:42 - You've never met my baby dad?
00:01:43 - Oh, no, I have.
00:01:44 - Okay, I didn't know that's, yes.
00:01:45 - You haven't met his alter ego, the beeve?
00:01:47 - I don't know if I've met the beeve.
00:01:49 - You would know.
00:01:51 - I've met your--
00:01:52 - Full name, the beeve, titty emoji, right?
00:01:54 Or titty emoticon, yeah.
00:01:55 - Titty emojis, a lot of hair, coke nail.
00:01:58 Unironically, I know, just kidding.
00:02:02 (laughing)
00:02:03 Then, goatee.
00:02:05 - He's perfect for you.
00:02:06 - Yeah, where you're--
00:02:06 - You think your kids are gonna be bad?
00:02:08 - Yeah, oh yeah.
00:02:10 - He met the beeve when you guys were covert.
00:02:12 - Yeah, no.
00:02:13 - Oh, yeah.
00:02:14 - You guys just happened to be on a wedding in Chicago
00:02:15 on the same weekend, and you're like,
00:02:17 oh, let's go swing by the little--
00:02:18 - Weird.
00:02:19 - I felt so stupid when I found out.
00:02:20 - I did too, because I was like,
00:02:22 oh, that's kind of random, but I just believed it.
00:02:25 And I'll never believe anything you say ever again,
00:02:27 just so you know.
00:02:28 - You shouldn't.
00:02:29 - I probably will.
00:02:30 - Yeah, I will.
00:02:31 - I'll still believe you.
00:02:32 - That's why when they're like, okay, it's pregnant,
00:02:33 and it's with a Barstow employee, I was like,
00:02:35 it was the fucking beeve.
00:02:36 - It was the beeve.
00:02:37 - Were you doing mental math in your head
00:02:39 that it wasn't you?
00:02:39 (laughing)
00:02:42 - There was a lot of nervousness.
00:02:44 - Oh, there he is.
00:02:45 - I don't remember the end of the Christmas party, but.
00:02:48 (laughing)
00:02:49 - Oh, man.
00:02:51 Hey, today's draft is common embarrassment stuff.
00:02:54 - Yeah.
00:02:55 - Perfect.
00:02:56 - Getting pregnant by an employee.
00:02:57 - Yeah.
00:02:58 - Common embarrassment.
00:02:59 - Yeah.
00:03:00 - It was a little embarrassing, yes.
00:03:01 (laughing)
00:03:02 - Not that common, though.
00:03:03 - Yeah.
00:03:04 - Maybe.
00:03:05 - Well, I bet you people get pregnant
00:03:07 by people at work all the time.
00:03:08 - Yeah, you're right.
00:03:09 - I told this story on, and this is, I don't know if--
00:03:11 - Dave got an Echo employee.
00:03:13 - In Urban Legend or not, but the Christmas party
00:03:17 prior to me starting my last job,
00:03:19 like a month before, so I obviously wasn't there,
00:03:22 apparently two dudes double teamed a chick
00:03:25 at our office company party for Christmas,
00:03:28 and one of them knocked her up.
00:03:29 - For Christmas.
00:03:29 - And it was a whole paternity suit,
00:03:31 never showed their faces at the office.
00:03:33 Once she found out they were pregnant,
00:03:34 it was like a whole big deal, and so yeah.
00:03:36 I think it does happen.
00:03:37 - Shouldn't the one that wasn't in the vagina
00:03:39 know it's not his?
00:03:40 - They could've both finished.
00:03:41 - I think there was--
00:03:42 - I've never been in a situation--
00:03:42 - I think they may have been taking turns.
00:03:44 - Yeah.
00:03:45 - Wow.
00:03:46 - What job was this?
00:03:47 - My old logistics job.
00:03:48 - Okay.
00:03:49 - She's gotta hate that the double team
00:03:51 was just an ancillary detail.
00:03:52 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:53 - It could've just been like, oh, a guy got me pregnant.
00:03:54 - Yeah.
00:03:55 - Yeah.
00:03:56 - I took it up a notch.
00:03:57 - Yeah.
00:03:58 - That's a fun lady.
00:03:58 I bet she's a great mom.
00:03:59 (laughing)
00:04:01 - Yeah, she's caring.
00:04:02 - Not here to judge, she's caring.
00:04:04 - Yeah.
00:04:05 - Athletic.
00:04:05 - Teach their kids how to share.
00:04:06 - Yeah.
00:04:07 - Yeah.
00:04:08 - Exactly.
00:04:09 - Good.
00:04:10 So yeah, no reason we had--
00:04:11 - My two dads, but also as a mom.
00:04:13 - Yeah.
00:04:14 - No reason we had you on for this one, Kate.
00:04:17 This was Nick's topic idea, so thank you, Nick.
00:04:20 - Yeah, I had something happen to me yesterday
00:04:23 that kind of sparked it.
00:04:24 - Oh, good.
00:04:25 - But it's one of my picks, so.
00:04:26 - Good, good, good.
00:04:27 I'm excited to hear it.
00:04:28 So we could just hop into order.
00:04:31 Harry has a number one through five behind his back.
00:04:33 Nick, what number do you think it is?
00:04:35 - It's two, yes.
00:04:36 - Wow.
00:04:37 - Whoa.
00:04:38 - Dad, that was two.
00:04:40 - I think it was something else,
00:04:41 but you said it with such confidence
00:04:43 that Harry died of an accident.
00:04:44 - I convinced him it's two.
00:04:45 - That is exactly what happened.
00:04:47 - Harry, what was it actually?
00:04:48 - It was two, we were talking about double teams,
00:04:50 we were talking about kids, Kate's second kid,
00:04:52 boom, boom, boom.
00:04:53 - Yeah, two.
00:04:53 - It was planted.
00:04:54 - He has some plausible--
00:04:55 - There were signs there, you should have read them.
00:04:57 - Look at that hairy brain.
00:04:59 - What--
00:04:59 - One.
00:05:00 - One, all right, wow.
00:05:02 Kate, one through four.
00:05:04 - Two.
00:05:07 - No.
00:05:08 - What, are you stupid?
00:05:09 (laughing)
00:05:10 That's old news, bitch.
00:05:11 - Yes, it is.
00:05:12 (laughing)
00:05:17 - Chief.
00:05:18 - Three.
00:05:18 - Yes.
00:05:19 - I'll go third.
00:05:20 - One through three, White Sox, Dave.
00:05:24 - It's definitely two.
00:05:27 - No.
00:05:29 - What an idiot. - Three.
00:05:30 - No.
00:05:31 - Do you guys want me to fucking do it for you?
00:05:33 (laughing)
00:05:34 - Kate. - Three.
00:05:35 - No.
00:05:37 - Oh no.
00:05:38 - No, that's common embarrassment on this show.
00:05:40 - Common embarrassment.
00:05:41 - Dave.
00:05:42 - Two.
00:05:45 - What the fuck?
00:05:46 - It's one, it's one.
00:05:48 I'll take the number two pick.
00:05:50 One or two, Kate.
00:05:52 - Two.
00:05:55 - Yes.
00:05:55 - Okay.
00:05:56 (laughing)
00:05:57 - She's back.
00:05:58 - You want four or five?
00:05:59 - I guess I'll go five.
00:06:00 I'm so afraid mine are gonna get taken.
00:06:02 - But yeah, but you get to go two in a row.
00:06:03 - That's true, that's true.
00:06:05 - All right, so the order is Nick, Eddie, Chief,
00:06:07 White Sox, Dave, Kate.
00:06:09 Before we get into it though,
00:06:10 I do wanna talk about our good friends at Miller Lite
00:06:12 because whatever you're looking forward to this season,
00:06:14 there's one thing that pairs well with every great moment
00:06:17 and it's a nice cold, Miller Lite.
00:06:19 Listen, things are down obviously
00:06:21 when it comes to the Bears season,
00:06:23 but that doesn't mean it's not gonna,
00:06:25 that doesn't mean it's gonna keep us from
00:06:26 enjoying Miller Lite and enjoying other football.
00:06:29 I mean, we got a big game this weekend, Notre Dame.
00:06:32 Notre Dame, Ohio State was last weekend.
00:06:34 We enjoyed a bunch.
00:06:35 - Sure did.
00:06:36 - And we're gonna enjoy some throughout the year as well.
00:06:39 - Yeah, duh.
00:06:42 It's Miller Lite, Ed.
00:06:43 It's only 96 calories, 3.6 carbs,
00:06:46 grams of carbs per 12 ounces.
00:06:48 Brings camaraderie.
00:06:50 - This is my favorite time of year to drink outside too.
00:06:52 So if you're at a tailgate,
00:06:54 you're at a patio where you maybe have a crew neck on
00:06:56 'cause it's just a little bit chilly
00:06:58 but not cold enough for a jacket,
00:06:59 that's like the sweet spot.
00:07:00 Goes great with some apple pickin', Ed.
00:07:03 - It's good stuff.
00:07:04 It's good stuff.
00:07:05 You guys know it's good stuff.
00:07:06 So make it Miller time all season long.
00:07:09 Get Miller Lite delivered right to your door.
00:07:10 Visit MillerLite.com/Redline
00:07:12 or you can find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer.
00:07:15 Just make sure you celebrate responsibly.
00:07:17 Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
00:07:19 And as Dave said, it is 96 calories.
00:07:21 It is 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.
00:07:24 Go hop in on the action.
00:07:26 All right, let's get into the draft.
00:07:29 All right, here we go.
00:07:30 The common embarrassment strafe.
00:07:31 Nick, you are up.
00:07:33 - Happened to me yesterday.
00:07:34 I get home from the bar stool bar.
00:07:37 I go to the bathroom to piss,
00:07:41 wash my face, brush teeth,
00:07:43 open up my mouth, something in the teeth.
00:07:45 One on something in the teeth.
00:07:46 - Oh no.
00:07:47 - And then you start to resent your friends
00:07:49 for not telling you.
00:07:50 But even telling somebody they have something
00:07:52 in their teeth, you know it's gonna embarrass them.
00:07:55 - And it shouldn't, but it does.
00:07:56 - It does.
00:07:57 Arugula is the devil.
00:08:00 - Spinach.
00:08:00 - Spinach, the leafy greens.
00:08:02 - Yeah, it's tough.
00:08:03 That's like the thing in the story of my parents' first date.
00:08:07 My dad got home and his two front teeth
00:08:09 were covered by a piece of spinach.
00:08:10 He was like, I think I went through the whole date
00:08:12 with no front teeth.
00:08:13 - Oh God.
00:08:14 - Horrible.
00:08:15 - It worked out.
00:08:16 - Do you blame someone though that didn't tell you
00:08:18 at the who's on the teeth?
00:08:19 - Yes.
00:08:20 - It's everybody's fault but my own.
00:08:21 - But no, you gotta have like a special relationship
00:08:23 with a friend.
00:08:24 - I would tell a stranger.
00:08:26 I think maybe it's girl code,
00:08:27 but I would tell if I saw another woman
00:08:29 with something in her teeth,
00:08:30 I would tap her and be like, oh my gosh,
00:08:31 you have, and I guarantee you she's gay.
00:08:32 - But then that still gets her beat red.
00:08:34 Like it's, how long was that there?
00:08:35 - You have a way of just saying things
00:08:37 in a way that doesn't make people uncomfortable.
00:08:38 You're just nice.
00:08:39 - Really?
00:08:40 - Yeah.
00:08:41 - That's nice to me.
00:08:42 - It's either it's really funny or it's just you're nice.
00:08:44 - I feel like I'm so awkward that they end up
00:08:46 feeling bad for me even if I'm telling them
00:08:47 something bad about them.
00:08:49 But yeah, I feel like you have to say something
00:08:51 if you see someone with something in their teeth.
00:08:52 - You do and I--
00:08:53 - You see something chasing.
00:08:54 - I'll never say anything.
00:08:54 No, not my problem.
00:08:56 - Well no, but you want a leg up on the competition
00:08:58 when it comes to chasing tail.
00:09:00 - Good point.
00:09:01 - Sure, sure.
00:09:02 - Yeah, so--
00:09:03 - It was probably you that planted something in my teeth.
00:09:05 - I may have.
00:09:06 You had an open cocktail next to me
00:09:07 in that dog walk studio yesterday for a couple hours.
00:09:10 - Yeah, you got me.
00:09:11 - You see Dave sprinkling arugula in men's drinks
00:09:13 when they go to the bathroom.
00:09:14 - Son of a bitch, yeah.
00:09:15 (laughing)
00:09:16 - Now KB wouldn't tell you?
00:09:19 - No, no, you have to really pry to get anything out of him.
00:09:22 (laughing)
00:09:25 - There is another one that's very close.
00:09:27 Interesting to see what people think is worse.
00:09:29 - Okay.
00:09:30 - Do you know where I'm going with that?
00:09:32 - Why don't you go with it right now, Edward?
00:09:34 - No, I don't want it.
00:09:35 But it may be later.
00:09:36 - Okay.
00:09:37 - All right, it's pretty chalky, but it's tripping.
00:09:41 - Yeah.
00:09:41 - Yeah.
00:09:42 - It's tripping.
00:09:43 - Tripping balls.
00:09:44 - In 2015, I fell outside of ground zero.
00:09:49 (laughing)
00:09:50 - So you're the third thing to do that?
00:09:52 (laughing)
00:09:54 - Yeah.
00:09:57 (laughing)
00:09:58 - God damn.
00:09:59 - Yeah, yeah.
00:10:00 - That just happened 22 years ago.
00:10:04 - Yeah, man.
00:10:05 I didn't forget.
00:10:06 - It was tough.
00:10:07 - You forgot about building seven.
00:10:08 - Oh, wow, yeah.
00:10:09 That was pretty far away.
00:10:11 That wasn't, he was right.
00:10:12 That wasn't related.
00:10:14 - It was tough.
00:10:14 I was looking up to like, you know,
00:10:16 I wanted to see a full upshot of the--
00:10:18 - You wanted to visualize those planes
00:10:20 going into a deep shot.
00:10:21 - No, I was looking at the Freedom Tower, Dave.
00:10:23 - Oh, yeah, okay.
00:10:24 - I was looking, you know.
00:10:25 - Did you hit the ground?
00:10:27 - Oh, yeah.
00:10:27 - Oh.
00:10:28 - Oh, yeah.
00:10:29 And it was like a little,
00:10:31 like it was like a handicap thing where it was elevated.
00:10:34 So I didn't see it as I kept,
00:10:35 I was walking while I was looking up
00:10:37 and it like a curved or I like got tripped on something.
00:10:41 And it's not loud around there.
00:10:43 It's pretty--
00:10:44 - Solemn.
00:10:45 - It's pretty quiet.
00:10:46 - Yeah, it's solemn.
00:10:47 - Yeah, it's solemn.
00:10:48 - Nick and I actually saw that last year.
00:10:49 That's the only time I've ever seen it.
00:10:51 - Yeah, it's cool.
00:10:51 It's a really, really powerful, sad memorial.
00:10:54 - Yeah, it is.
00:10:55 So it's very quiet and you heard me like a ton of bricks.
00:10:59 - Did someone, this is what makes it worse.
00:11:01 Did people check on you?
00:11:02 - Or did you get any awws?
00:11:03 - Nobody checked, but everyone looked at me.
00:11:05 - Yeah.
00:11:06 - Like it was very much, and I was like, oh my God,
00:11:09 I need to run to the--
00:11:09 - Now, hold on, did you trip or did you like fall off
00:11:13 something, make a loud ass noise or something?
00:11:15 - No, I tripped on, it was like a little,
00:11:17 it was like a little elevated like benchy area.
00:11:20 - Fountain.
00:11:20 - Yeah.
00:11:21 - Yeah, and I fell off of that.
00:11:22 And I like full fell.
00:11:24 - I think the worst is too--
00:11:25 - Raspberries?
00:11:26 - Like a lot of us dream of falling and getting hurt
00:11:28 in New York City so that you can sue.
00:11:30 The one place you'd look like a dickhead.
00:11:32 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:33 - Barstow employees sues 9/11 Memorial.
00:11:36 - Yeah.
00:11:37 - You're like--
00:11:38 - For everything they've got.
00:11:38 - For damages.
00:11:39 - Yeah, yeah.
00:11:40 - That bench area that you fell on was donated.
00:11:42 You're gonna sue them?
00:11:43 - Yeah, yeah.
00:11:44 - Donated his estate.
00:11:45 - You're in that group with Jon Stewart
00:11:47 and you're like, what happened to you?
00:11:48 I'm like, well, I just tripped like three days ago
00:11:51 at one part of the settlement.
00:11:52 - Ground zero survivor.
00:11:54 - Yeah, that's why it was humiliating.
00:11:56 So that's why tripping while it may be chalk,
00:11:58 it happened to me and it sucked.
00:12:00 - Playing off being hurt too,
00:12:01 'cause after 27 falling, it hurts.
00:12:05 You hurt yourself every time.
00:12:06 - Yeah.
00:12:07 - For sure.
00:12:08 My knees were scraped up.
00:12:09 - My favorite Barstow story is Jeff D. Lowe
00:12:11 falling down the steps of the Apple Store.
00:12:13 (laughing)
00:12:14 - No, I never heard that.
00:12:15 - You haven't?
00:12:16 - No.
00:12:16 - He fell down every single step
00:12:17 at the New York Apple Store, which is a spiral.
00:12:20 - Which is a clear glass building, right?
00:12:20 - And he went down top to bottom,
00:12:21 clear glass building.
00:12:23 His ass was all bruised.
00:12:25 - Wait, he showed the picture of his ass
00:12:27 and it was like--
00:12:28 - His whole leg.
00:12:29 - Someone took a bet to it.
00:12:29 - Yeah.
00:12:30 - At the Apple Store.
00:12:31 - Damn.
00:12:32 - See, you can't feel bad for the injury,
00:12:34 'cause they fell.
00:12:35 It's more embarrassing than it is
00:12:37 that you don't get sympathy for a fall.
00:12:38 - Yeah.
00:12:39 - 100%.
00:12:40 So yeah, tripping, my pick.
00:12:42 Chief.
00:12:43 - This happens to me every time.
00:12:45 Every time I travel, my car gets declined.
00:12:47 So if I'm traveling, this just happened
00:12:50 when we were in Colorado,
00:12:51 and it's happened in front of Dave so many times,
00:12:54 and he knows the reason.
00:12:56 He's like, "Hey, his car doesn't work.
00:12:58 "I'll take care of it."
00:12:59 So it's patronizing, and then I always try,
00:13:02 and I usually call in advance now
00:13:04 it's happened so many times.
00:13:05 Like, "Hey, I need this.
00:13:06 "Just take the fuck, I'll get hacked
00:13:08 "before I have that happen again."
00:13:10 Happens every single time.
00:13:11 - Does it ever happen on a date?
00:13:13 - That would be--
00:13:14 - It has happened on a date.
00:13:15 - Yeah, that's a nightmare.
00:13:16 You're not getting a second.
00:13:17 - I did, but I was--
00:13:20 - He's charming.
00:13:20 - I am charming, and I'm tall, six feet.
00:13:23 - That's when I just--
00:13:24 - That's really all it takes.
00:13:25 - When I just moved here, 'cause you move
00:13:27 and your card gets messed up or whatever,
00:13:29 and we have a small corner grocery store,
00:13:31 and I was just getting the essentials,
00:13:32 and I had my son with me, and it looked like
00:13:35 I was mom who really needed--
00:13:36 - This poor, pregnant mom.
00:13:36 - It was like cheese, milk, and eggs,
00:13:38 and my card got declined, and I was sweating,
00:13:40 and the lady behind me was like,
00:13:42 "Do you need me to get this for you?"
00:13:43 I think, thought I needed it.
00:13:44 - She's like, "Inflation's tough."
00:13:46 - Yeah, I was like, "No, no, I just moved.
00:13:48 "It's not, I'm fine."
00:13:50 - And that's not even the worst one, I don't think,
00:13:52 when it's really quick and you're there.
00:13:54 This was a waiter, he comes back with a folder.
00:13:56 He's like, "Excuse me, sir, it got declined."
00:13:58 - You know what I mean?
00:13:59 - Yeah, and they try to, yeah, it's bad.
00:14:02 It's bad every time.
00:14:03 - I actually, that most recent one,
00:14:05 I gave him a second card.
00:14:06 - Don't tell me.
00:14:07 - Declined.
00:14:08 - Geez.
00:14:09 - Was this also a date?
00:14:10 - No, this was with Dave.
00:14:11 - We gotta get you some money, man.
00:14:13 (laughing)
00:14:15 - Contract is up.
00:14:16 - Yeah, him too.
00:14:17 (laughing)
00:14:19 - White Sox, Dave.
00:14:20 - This one has happened to me more regularly recently,
00:14:25 because I wear the same brand of pants all the time.
00:14:29 Walking around to a fly down.
00:14:29 - You could've said pair, we know.
00:14:31 - Fly down, it's always embarrassing.
00:14:35 But this brand of pants that I wear now,
00:14:37 it's not me forgetting, it just happens on someone
00:14:40 in all the forms of pants.
00:14:42 I have their shorts, their jeans, it's bad.
00:14:45 - You know my favorite way to tell someone,
00:14:47 hey, are you afraid of heights?
00:14:49 - Well, your fly is.
00:14:50 - Well, your zipper is.
00:14:52 - The Pittsburgh thing is there's this theme park
00:14:54 called Kennywood, and they say Kennywood's open.
00:14:56 (laughing)
00:14:57 And that's like a real regional thing.
00:15:00 - That's nice.
00:15:00 - It's where they filmed Adventureland.
00:15:02 - Oh, really?
00:15:02 - Yeah, they haven't updated the park in a very long time.
00:15:04 (laughing)
00:15:05 - Yeah, there is something about that.
00:15:07 Especially, you thank God for the boxer brief holes
00:15:12 are pretty sturdy.
00:15:13 If those were like, if they started making those loose,
00:15:15 it'd be a disaster.
00:15:16 - Oh my God.
00:15:17 - Your nugget would be hanging all over.
00:15:19 Imagine on a live stream, that'd be worse than Mincy.
00:15:21 - Your nugget would be all over the place.
00:15:22 - I feel like women's pants getting looser again,
00:15:25 like the boyfriend jeans are in,
00:15:26 but we still, like women's,
00:15:28 we don't ever have that problem.
00:15:29 Is it like a--
00:15:30 - Well, you don't have a dick.
00:15:33 - I know, but what is the--
00:15:34 - You would think a zipper is a zipper.
00:15:36 - I don't even use the zipper as it should.
00:15:39 When I'm pissing, I go over, I do button and that and over.
00:15:42 - Over the gate?
00:15:43 - Yeah.
00:15:44 - How?
00:15:45 - What do you mean how?
00:15:45 - What size pants, like I feel like your pants
00:15:48 would have to be way too big.
00:15:48 - I'll undo my top button, and then just go over.
00:15:51 Have I been pissing wrong?
00:15:52 - You guys go through the zipper and open up your flap.
00:15:54 - He could just open up the whole thing.
00:15:56 Yeah, you open up the button, undo the zip.
00:15:58 - Open up button, undo zip, and then I go over the,
00:16:00 I don't use the dick hole in underwear.
00:16:02 - Oh no, I don't do that either.
00:16:04 - No, I do that.
00:16:04 - You do?
00:16:05 - Yeah.
00:16:06 - You use the dick hole?
00:16:07 - Yeah, I'll pull it out.
00:16:08 - I pull it out, I don't use the dick hole.
00:16:10 - Depends on where I'm peeing, I guess.
00:16:11 - I just realized that people use the dick hole
00:16:13 like somewhat recently.
00:16:15 - What did you think it was there for?
00:16:16 - Breedability.
00:16:17 - Have you been wearing them backwards
00:16:18 and like shitting through it?
00:16:19 (laughing)
00:16:20 - No, I just thought it was there for like,
00:16:23 I don't know, airflow or something.
00:16:25 - It's for your dick.
00:16:27 - I did not know that.
00:16:28 - I go above waistband.
00:16:29 - I swear to God, I mean I know it now.
00:16:31 - Well obviously.
00:16:32 - You go button down, fly down,
00:16:35 and then you pull your underwear down.
00:16:37 - Yeah.
00:16:38 - Hold on, hold on.
00:16:41 - I think the hole is good.
00:16:44 - Let's say you're at Wrigley, or you're at a public place,
00:16:46 you're pulling your whole underwear down?
00:16:49 - No, no, I just go dick above.
00:16:51 - Yeah, just flip it up.
00:16:51 - Kate, I'm feeling weird.
00:16:54 - I feel like that's, I don't know.
00:16:55 - You just flip it up.
00:16:56 - He goes down to ankles with everything.
00:16:58 - Yeah, he does.
00:16:59 - I stand up with his whole butt up.
00:17:00 - I was gonna use that on, I like to,
00:17:03 I'm giving away my shtick here, unfortunately,
00:17:05 but I like to make up things about Ed here and there.
00:17:07 - Thank you.
00:17:08 - And I was gonna say that Ed does the,
00:17:10 like pull up the shirt and drop his trousers
00:17:13 all the way to the floor and just piss like that,
00:17:15 like a little two year old.
00:17:16 - Like on the Steelers fan?
00:17:17 - Yeah.
00:17:18 - I got rocked.
00:17:19 - That's the best.
00:17:20 - I got rocked.
00:17:21 - That picture's unreal.
00:17:22 Kate, you're up.
00:17:25 - When you go somewhere, and this is a city of dogs,
00:17:28 and a dog will not stop sniffing your crotch or your butt,
00:17:31 it is the most embarrassing,
00:17:35 and I'm not saying it happens to me a lot,
00:17:37 and that's why it's on my mind, but,
00:17:39 yeah, there's something about it.
00:17:41 - There's no way you handle that well.
00:17:43 - No.
00:17:44 - It's like, oh, he's fine, I get it.
00:17:45 - Yeah, there's like,
00:17:47 and when you can't, like has anyone else--
00:17:48 - Dogs will be dogs.
00:17:50 - Has anyone else ever been in the situation
00:17:52 where you can't get them to stop?
00:17:53 - Yeah, they're just like, it's like.
00:17:55 - Yeah, yeah.
00:17:56 - I don't think this has ever happened to me.
00:17:57 - It's never happened to me either.
00:18:00 - My neighbors had a golden retriever
00:18:02 that was like a magnet to my,
00:18:05 sorry, it's making me red in the face thinking about it.
00:18:10 - And it was only you?
00:18:10 - To both sides?
00:18:12 - Pretty much, like--
00:18:14 - I hate to ask, but--
00:18:15 - Yeah, and it was like, I would put my hands
00:18:18 and I'd be like, oh, there he goes, there he goes.
00:18:20 I said, I must be putting like kibble in there.
00:18:22 - I got a milk bone stuck.
00:18:24 - Yeah, yeah, I don't know, it's like,
00:18:26 what do you say, and everyone like.
00:18:28 - You're turning red talking about it.
00:18:30 - I know, I know, 'cause there was other people around.
00:18:33 It's like, why me, why me?
00:18:34 (laughing)
00:18:36 And everyone else is thinking that too, 'cause I've been--
00:18:38 - That's horrifying.
00:18:39 - Yeah.
00:18:40 - You've never, some dogs just like--
00:18:42 - Hone in on you.
00:18:43 - I can't believe you've never,
00:18:44 just random dogs on the street,
00:18:45 they'll just go fucking beeline for you.
00:18:46 - Not like what she's talking about.
00:18:47 - Oh no, some dogs will do that.
00:18:49 - Dude, it's so embarrassing.
00:18:50 - But like, if there's a group of people
00:18:51 and it's only her, then it's only her.
00:18:53 - Maybe you're in heat, Kate.
00:18:55 - That's what, maybe, I don't know, and so.
00:18:58 - Did anybody comment on it to like break the ice
00:18:59 and like make it funny?
00:19:01 - If you're like, I like it.
00:19:02 - Man, that dog's horny.
00:19:04 - Yeah, I don't know.
00:19:06 - Did he have his little pink thing hanging out?
00:19:08 - I was at a graduation party.
00:19:09 - But you could ask her the same thing.
00:19:10 - I was at a graduation party in high school
00:19:12 where the dog at the house would not stop,
00:19:15 specifically just one girl,
00:19:16 would not stop humping her leg all night long.
00:19:19 Was like, would not leave her.
00:19:21 It didn't care about anyone else,
00:19:22 but anytime she came into view,
00:19:24 was like trying to hump her,
00:19:25 and it's like, what's up with her?
00:19:27 That this dog is like, oh.
00:19:28 - I would be mortified as the dog owner, too.
00:19:30 - Oh yeah, that's mortifying already.
00:19:32 - This is a great pic.
00:19:33 - So, yeah.
00:19:34 - I had it nowhere near my board.
00:19:35 - Hey, guess what, it wasn't on my list.
00:19:37 - This is fantastic.
00:19:38 - Glad it wasn't.
00:19:39 - No, but it should have been on,
00:19:41 I've had this, it's so embarrassing.
00:19:44 - Coming in, I was like, this is gonna get taken.
00:19:46 - Sorry, my dog's sniffing your nut sack right now.
00:19:48 You can't, like, what are you doing?
00:19:50 Like, it's just an awkward situation.
00:19:51 - Yeah, I've had this.
00:19:52 I don't know if it was as aggressive as your situation,
00:19:54 because this sounds like this dog
00:19:56 would not leave you alone.
00:19:57 But it sucks.
00:19:58 - Is this one dog, or is this all dogs in here?
00:20:02 - No, no, I'm not like walking through a field
00:20:04 and every dog--
00:20:05 - It's like that lane inside,
00:20:07 just dogs chasing her down the street.
00:20:09 - I'm like the Pied Piper.
00:20:11 - Golden Retrievers just sniffing my, no, no.
00:20:16 - Do you remember the dog's name?
00:20:17 - Shelby.
00:20:18 - Oh, yeah.
00:20:19 - Yeah, yeah.
00:20:20 - It was Shelby.
00:20:21 - Shelby's gonna be here, Kate, so cover it up, wear a towel.
00:20:25 - Gonna try.
00:20:26 - Yeah.
00:20:27 You're up again.
00:20:28 - Oh, so let me look through my list really quick here.
00:20:31 I'm stuck between two, but I'm gonna go with,
00:20:37 oh, I'm stuck between two.
00:20:40 There's a real obvious one
00:20:42 that's too low-hanging, I think.
00:20:44 Struggling to parallel park in front of,
00:20:47 and especially here, there's all the outdoor dining,
00:20:50 when you can't park your car
00:20:51 and there's a lot of people watching
00:20:52 and there's traffic behind you
00:20:54 and it's starting to back up and people are getting mad.
00:20:57 - I relate heavy.
00:20:58 - That is a pressure pack situation.
00:21:01 - Well, try being a woman doing it,
00:21:02 'cause you know everyone's like--
00:21:03 - Try being a man doing it.
00:21:05 They expect us, you get like, "Oh, here's a woman."
00:21:08 - Have you ever had your passenger hop out
00:21:09 and do it for you 'cause they get impatient?
00:21:11 - I've left.
00:21:12 - Yeah.
00:21:13 - I'm like, "This spot's not for me."
00:21:14 - Yep.
00:21:14 - It's not happening.
00:21:15 - Yeah.
00:21:16 - I take pride in my parallel parking skills, actually.
00:21:18 - I do too now, but in the beginning.
00:21:20 - You take pride in everything.
00:21:23 - In the things I'm good at, yeah.
00:21:24 I gotta let other people know about it.
00:21:27 - That's a great pick.
00:21:28 I have been haunted. - I have my zipper down
00:21:29 more than anyone else in Chicago.
00:21:31 - Everybody's seen it.
00:21:33 - When you do nail it, though, it is nice.
00:21:34 - Oh, yeah.
00:21:35 - It is a great feeling.
00:21:36 - So I have to retake my driver's test,
00:21:38 'cause I was living in New York for so long and it expired,
00:21:41 and I'm so nervous about parallel parking.
00:21:43 I don't think I'll be able to do it.
00:21:44 - Mine had, well, maybe it's just I didn't change states.
00:21:46 - Out of state, yeah.
00:21:47 - Mine expired, it was expired for three years,
00:21:49 it expired during COVID, and I was like,
00:21:51 "I'm gonna have to take this test, it's gonna be terrible."
00:21:53 They're just like, "Here you go."
00:21:54 - I called, so I'm fucked.
00:21:56 I'm just, "This is not gonna happen."
00:21:58 - Eddie, does your car park itself?
00:21:59 - No, no, no.
00:22:00 - No, okay.
00:22:01 - Yeah, so I still have to--
00:22:02 - Still gotta do it.
00:22:02 - Yeah, exactly.
00:22:03 - Do you want me to teach you, Nick?
00:22:04 - Yeah.
00:22:05 - Let's make it a video.
00:22:06 - That'd be a good lesson.
00:22:07 - Yeah.
00:22:07 - That'd be nice.
00:22:08 White Sox Dave, you're up.
00:22:09 - Yeah, there's so many chalky ones.
00:22:14 I'll just go with the boogers.
00:22:18 - Boogers.
00:22:19 - Boog hanging.
00:22:20 - Yeah, that was the one I was alluding to.
00:22:21 - Yeah, it's similar to the teeth.
00:22:23 - Yeah, boog hanging.
00:22:25 - It's too chalky, there's not much
00:22:27 to really talk about, unfortunately,
00:22:28 but it's always embarrassing.
00:22:30 - I almost went with that.
00:22:31 I think it's a little bit easier of a fix
00:22:33 than the something, you know,
00:22:34 when you're fishing for it in your mouth,
00:22:35 is it still there, the booger, you go.
00:22:37 - Yeah.
00:22:38 - It's gone.
00:22:39 But when it's found, people think you're gross.
00:22:40 - Mm-hmm.
00:22:41 - Yeah, it is funny, though,
00:22:43 if it's like someone who just--
00:22:44 - I feel like Dave's a boog guy.
00:22:45 - Yeah, you always gotta have one.
00:22:47 - You got boogs.
00:22:48 - I am a boog guy.
00:22:49 I wanna be like the George Watt,
00:22:54 like some revolutionary where it's just normalized
00:22:58 that you pick your nose.
00:22:58 - Yeah.
00:22:59 - Everybody does it in private.
00:23:00 Why don't we just, like, why do we gotta stop acting
00:23:03 like it's some gross activity?
00:23:04 Everybody fucking does it.
00:23:05 - It's gross because it's booger.
00:23:06 It's like, yeah, they're gross.
00:23:07 - It's booger.
00:23:08 - Yeah.
00:23:08 - Mucus, green mucus coming out of your face.
00:23:10 - I'm talking more the dry ones.
00:23:13 - And then it's like, what do you do with it then?
00:23:15 - You flick it.
00:23:16 - Just into the ether.
00:23:17 - Yeah.
00:23:18 - It's gone.
00:23:19 - Yeah, it's gone.
00:23:20 - It's always embarrassing, especially in New York,
00:23:21 like taking public transit everywhere.
00:23:23 You ever get somewhere where your nose starts running
00:23:24 and you don't have a tissue and you like,
00:23:26 you have to use your fucking shirt,
00:23:28 but then it just keeps coming,
00:23:30 and then it's like obvious to everyone
00:23:31 you're wiping your boogers all over yourself, and then.
00:23:33 - Sixth grade, it happened to be in a corn maze
00:23:35 on a field trip, and I was just, they erupted.
00:23:36 I think it had to do with like the pollen or the corn,
00:23:39 and I was covered.
00:23:41 - Then you're the booger kid.
00:23:42 - I'm the booger kid.
00:23:42 - Yeah.
00:23:43 - Booger kid's tough.
00:23:44 - That's why I had to move away.
00:23:45 - Yeah.
00:23:46 - Yeah.
00:23:47 - Well, fair.
00:23:48 Booger hanging off the board, chief, you're up.
00:23:51 - I feel like this is a chalk one too,
00:23:52 but it's also just spilling your drink out of the table.
00:23:55 Like if you just spill a drink all over,
00:23:57 that's a bad one, but I usually take that
00:24:00 as a sign it's time for me to go home.
00:24:01 - Oh, okay.
00:24:02 - Like I'm a little water-ambunctious,
00:24:03 had a little too much to drink, knock one over,
00:24:06 close out, go home.
00:24:07 - You're immediately reverted to child
00:24:09 in front of the eyes of the server.
00:24:09 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:10 - Oh, honey, it's okay, it happens all the time.
00:24:12 - And--
00:24:13 - I got it.
00:24:14 - The napkins never suffice.
00:24:15 - Never.
00:24:16 - You need bounty.
00:24:17 You need the paper towels to do drinks like that,
00:24:19 and it's never a good situation,
00:24:22 so spilling your drink at the table.
00:24:23 - I hate it when you bump it, and you know it's going down,
00:24:25 but you do like the flail to try to save it.
00:24:27 Nothing ever good comes from that.
00:24:28 - Nope.
00:24:29 - That's, I was bottom of the totem pole,
00:24:31 but I used to work at Comedy Central
00:24:32 in the production department, and I was brand new,
00:24:35 and they took the whole production team,
00:24:37 including, it was like the president of Comedy Central,
00:24:39 the president of production, all these people,
00:24:41 and they asked me to come along as a kindness, I think,
00:24:44 to like, it was a tapas bar, like dark restaurant,
00:24:46 and they had a whole carafe of red wine,
00:24:49 and someone asked me a question,
00:24:50 I went to tell the story, and I used my hands,
00:24:52 and I knocked the entire carafe of wine
00:24:54 across the entire table, got on everybody,
00:24:57 and I was like, they're gonna, like, I'm done.
00:24:59 Like, they, like, I don't know.
00:25:00 - I mean, we're talking probably $60 in wine minimum,
00:25:03 and then, like, dry cleaning, too.
00:25:04 - And then, just, yeah, and it was the beginning
00:25:07 of, like, they had just set it down,
00:25:08 and so then we all had to sit there,
00:25:09 like, covered in the wine for the rest of it.
00:25:12 Was it you on the airplane, or somebody here recently
00:25:14 spilled wine on someone on an airplane?
00:25:15 - No, it wasn't me.
00:25:16 - Or Big Cat got red wine spilled on him?
00:25:18 - I think he did.
00:25:19 - Yeah, they had, like, just sat down on the plane,
00:25:21 and whoever he was sitting next to
00:25:22 spilled their whole red wine on Big Cat,
00:25:24 and he had to sit there, and then ordered another wine.
00:25:26 - Biggest gripe with the airline industry
00:25:28 is when you ask for a drink, like, water.
00:25:30 They give it to you in a cup.
00:25:31 Why don't they just give you a bottle of water?
00:25:32 So you can unscrew the fucking cap.
00:25:33 You're on an airline.
00:25:34 You're gonna spill on someone.
00:25:36 - They don't care.
00:25:38 - No, they don't care.
00:25:39 I spilled on someone.
00:25:40 I was a server, bartender, bar back in college,
00:25:44 and it was just a glass of water, thank God.
00:25:47 I would've fucking killed myself if it was wine,
00:25:50 and I spilled it, but I slid a pint of water
00:25:52 across the table, and it caught a lip,
00:25:54 and just dumped all over the person.
00:25:55 - That's just, like, that's a high risk.
00:25:57 - Bad.
00:25:57 - You're trying to be a cool guy.
00:25:58 - I was being cocky.
00:26:00 I was being cocky, and it spilled all over her crotch.
00:26:02 It looked like she pissed herself or her water broke.
00:26:05 - Oh, yeah. - There you go.
00:26:06 - Then a golden retriever ran in and lapped it all up.
00:26:08 - And just started pumping her leg, and then--
00:26:10 - That was me, actually.
00:26:12 - That was Kate.
00:26:13 - Yeah. - Wow.
00:26:14 - Were the people nice about it, Kate?
00:26:17 - Yeah, they were all super nice.
00:26:18 I think they felt bad for me,
00:26:19 but that made me feel even worse.
00:26:21 I almost wanted someone to be like, you fucking idiot.
00:26:23 - Yeah, you shouldn't even be here.
00:26:24 - Yeah, yeah.
00:26:26 But no, they were all like, yeah.
00:26:28 - Spilling a drink, that's good.
00:26:30 - Great pick. - That's great.
00:26:31 I'm up again.
00:26:34 I don't know why this is so embarrassing,
00:26:37 but it's when you think someone's waving to you,
00:26:41 and it's just the person behind you.
00:26:42 - Yeah. - Oh.
00:26:43 - I know what I mean.
00:26:44 - An inadvertent wave.
00:26:45 - Yeah. - Yeah.
00:26:47 - Exactly.
00:26:48 - And you can't play it off.
00:26:49 It's just, they see it, they think you're an idiot.
00:26:53 - Yes. - Brutal.
00:26:54 - And that's greetings in general,
00:26:55 like the Tommy Smokes, Bryce Hall one.
00:26:58 It's just an all-time.
00:27:00 - Wasn't saying hi to Tommy.
00:27:01 - Yep. - An all-time.
00:27:02 You know, you just think like, oh yeah,
00:27:04 and then it's like, no, I'm sorry, man.
00:27:06 - Yeah.
00:27:07 - Or same, like waving when somebody doesn't see you.
00:27:10 Like having someone wave at you,
00:27:12 like you think they're waving at you, but they're not,
00:27:14 but also waving at somebody
00:27:16 when there's other people around
00:27:16 and they don't recognize you.
00:27:18 Like Mincy waiting to shake Dave's hand in that video.
00:27:21 - Just waiting. - Don't notice him.
00:27:22 - Just waiting.
00:27:23 - Either one of those, I think, the flip side is awesome.
00:27:26 - If he had the ability to be embarrassed,
00:27:28 he would have been so embarrassed there.
00:27:30 - Yeah. - If he went for a handshake,
00:27:32 it was like 15 feet away.
00:27:33 - Yeah, I don't know if he underestimated
00:27:34 the length of his arms. - Yeah.
00:27:36 - And it's like one that I feel like shouldn't be,
00:27:48 but it is like so like, oh my God,
00:27:49 he was waving to him, not me.
00:27:51 - Yeah. - I'm an idiot.
00:27:52 Nick, you're up again.
00:27:56 I'm glad it came back to me.
00:27:57 Getting somebody's name wrong.
00:27:59 - Yeah. - Somebody you've met,
00:28:01 say the name wrong, there's no recovery.
00:28:04 Or you say the person's name,
00:28:07 like let's say the guy's Dylan,
00:28:09 and then you introduce yourself as Dylan,
00:28:11 that's bad too, that's really bad.
00:28:13 But I think like meeting somebody--
00:28:15 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And forgetting their name
00:28:17 the next time you meet them.
00:28:18 - Yep. (laughing)
00:28:19 - Pretty, it's pretty-- - What you did was--
00:28:21 - Brutal situation. - Mind boggling.
00:28:24 You did the common thing, and have you seen this?
00:28:28 - No. - Dave introduced himself
00:28:30 as the wrong name. - Wait, yes, yes.
00:28:33 I saw this and my jaw dropped.
00:28:35 I thought you were like-- - You're Dylan too?
00:28:36 - Yeah, yeah. (laughing)
00:28:38 - See, this is like-- - Yes.
00:28:39 - No, that's not, I'm taking the normal one.
00:28:42 I'm not taking that because that's only happened once.
00:28:45 Ever. - Ever in history.
00:28:46 - That's only happened once.
00:28:48 - You're Dylan too? - So it doesn't qualify.
00:28:49 - And the thing is, you did that.
00:28:50 You said you would have killed yourself
00:28:51 if you spilled wine on a girl.
00:28:53 Dude, if I did that, what you did, I'm sprinting home.
00:28:57 - Great to meet you. - I'm Dylan, nice to meet you.
00:28:59 - You're Dylan too? - I'm Dave.
00:29:01 (laughing)
00:29:02 - I'm Dylan, nice to meet you.
00:29:03 - You're Dylan too?
00:29:05 (laughing)
00:29:06 - I am sprinting home to end it.
00:29:08 - Yeah, here's, okay.
00:29:10 - That guy was so cool and so country,
00:29:12 and he was so happy that you were Dylan as well.
00:29:16 - Can we get you one more of those?
00:29:16 - And then he had to yoink the rug out from under him.
00:29:19 - Hey, I'm Dylan. - You're Dylan too?
00:29:21 (laughing)
00:29:24 - So now, again, I'm not taking that
00:29:27 because who the fuck would ever do that?
00:29:29 Only the biggest idiot on earth.
00:29:31 (laughing)
00:29:33 - You gotta do the Lance one too.
00:29:38 - The Lance one is-- - You deny this one.
00:29:40 - Did he fuck up? - This is so, no, no, no.
00:29:43 Hold on, shut up, no, I'm taking it from here.
00:29:46 So you know Lance? - Yes, yes.
00:29:48 - Okay, his name is Daniel Lance.
00:29:50 L-A-N-T-Z. - Lance, yeah.
00:29:53 - And the first few weeks I heard everybody
00:29:55 call him Lance, like L-A-N-C-E.
00:29:57 So I'm reading his name on an email,
00:29:59 and I say, who the fuck is Daniel Lance?
00:30:01 'Cause I didn't, I thought his name,
00:30:02 that is, this is the worst thing you guys
00:30:06 have ever tried to rip on me for.
00:30:07 - He had only been here for three months, but.
00:30:09 - It wasn't three months, it was like a couple of weeks
00:30:11 at this point, and-- - You should know the name.
00:30:14 - Lance, like I saw the last name was Lance.
00:30:17 It's a very easy mistake to make.
00:30:18 - He was in the room at the time too.
00:30:20 (laughing)
00:30:21 - It's embarrassing. - Who the fuck is Lance?
00:30:23 (laughing)
00:30:25 - What's more, hold on.
00:30:26 So on that Dylan, David thing.
00:30:30 (laughing)
00:30:33 On this Dylan, we started an interview.
00:30:36 We started an interview.
00:30:38 It was like some guy, some country artist
00:30:41 named the Randy Walker Band or something like that.
00:30:44 And Dante starts the interview like he's Randy Hauser,
00:30:48 and he's asking him questions, and we scrubbed it
00:30:50 'cause Dante was so pissed, like upset about it.
00:30:54 - Yeah, that's an embarrassment.
00:30:56 - Yeah. - Yeah.
00:30:57 - It was like five minutes in, and I'm just sitting there,
00:30:59 I'm like, face in palm, 'cause Dante's like,
00:31:02 so Randy Hauser, and he's like, actually,
00:31:05 I'm Randy Walker, or whatever his last name was.
00:31:08 - Rogers. - You don't remember?
00:31:09 - It was Randy Rogers. - Randy Rogers, yeah.
00:31:12 - Randy Hauser-- - Is at WishFest, yes.
00:31:14 - Coming to WishFest, so you can get tickets
00:31:15 for WishFest now, they're on sale.
00:31:17 - They are on sale. - You're Dylan too.
00:31:19 - You guys gotta-- - Wow, wow, wow.
00:31:21 I'm in the presence of another Dylan.
00:31:24 You know how much I love that.
00:31:26 (laughing)
00:31:27 - Kim and I-- - In my head,
00:31:29 me and Danny Conrad have been extending the situation,
00:31:31 like adding, it's very deep lore.
00:31:33 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
00:31:34 - We're making fun of you constantly.
00:31:36 - I know, I'm sure.
00:31:38 - I heard a rumor that you found that clip.
00:31:40 - Yeah, that was me.
00:31:41 - Yeah, I saw it too. - You dug it up, yeah, yeah.
00:31:43 (laughing)
00:31:44 - That's some fucking crap.
00:31:46 (laughing)
00:31:48 - What a coincidence.
00:31:50 - I think I just asked him,
00:31:52 like I gotta watch the clip again.
00:31:53 - I'm very excited to meet another Dylan.
00:31:55 - 'Cause you said, I was like, Dylan?
00:31:57 - White Sox Dylan.
00:31:58 - You said, I'm Dylan.
00:32:00 (laughing)
00:32:02 It was the most straightforward,
00:32:04 do you wanna pull it up now?
00:32:05 'Cause I could hear it again.
00:32:06 - I would love to hear it again.
00:32:07 - I would really like to hear it again.
00:32:08 - Can you pull it up there?
00:32:09 - It did not get the love it deserved.
00:32:11 - Ask Danny, Danny will figure it out.
00:32:13 - I'll pull it up.
00:32:14 You can make your next pick while I look for it.
00:32:18 - Oh, my next pick, yeah.
00:32:20 Okay, let's go with,
00:32:26 oh wait, you got it?
00:32:28 - I got it, I got it, I got it.
00:32:31 Hold on, let me full crank.
00:32:32 - Put it on your phone.
00:32:35 - I'm on my own.
00:32:36 - Oh.
00:32:36 - I'm William.
00:32:38 (laughing)
00:32:40 - I was in a rush, I said, I'm Dylan.
00:32:43 - I was in a rush, so I forgot my own name.
00:32:46 (laughing)
00:32:48 - You're Dylan, too?
00:32:53 (laughing)
00:32:55 - God, he was so happy.
00:32:57 He loves when he's with other Dylans.
00:32:59 I didn't forget my name.
00:33:01 The D came out, he said Dylan,
00:33:03 and I said Dylan, I just repeated him.
00:33:05 I know my name.
00:33:07 - There's no way to come, like how do you fix that?
00:33:11 How do you?
00:33:13 - He walks in and as I'm about to say,
00:33:16 you know, okay, here, this is how I'll explain it.
00:33:17 You know when you're writing on a computer or something
00:33:22 and you'll be reading at the same time
00:33:24 and you'll see a word and you'll accidentally
00:33:25 just type that word out?
00:33:26 - Okay.
00:33:27 - That's what I did verbally.
00:33:29 He said Dylan and I just repeated him.
00:33:32 - But you say that like it's plausible.
00:33:35 I've never mixed up my own name.
00:33:38 - I'm sure you have, I've seen you
00:33:40 smell this shit face in my life.
00:33:42 - You know what I've introduced myself
00:33:44 as him.
00:33:46 - How do you come back from that?
00:33:49 - He said I'm too.
00:33:51 - Yeah, I'm Dylan.
00:33:52 - Yeah.
00:33:53 - You got up and beat him to the punch, man.
00:33:55 - Yeah, I did.
00:33:57 That was the whole plan there.
00:33:59 - How did the rest of the interview go?
00:34:01 - Actually awesome.
00:34:02 - Nice icebreaker.
00:34:04 - I didn't know who he was, so I'm just like
00:34:07 taking notes on my notes.
00:34:08 - He's Dylan.
00:34:09 - He's Dylan too.
00:34:11 It was like a big roast.
00:34:13 - Yeah.
00:34:14 - My next pick, I'm gonna go unflattering
00:34:21 photo of yourself posted.
00:34:23 We all have photos of us posted.
00:34:25 - Yep.
00:34:26 - You're never really happy with it,
00:34:28 but when there's one, just a real bad one,
00:34:30 like I said on the yak today.
00:34:33 - The legs.
00:34:34 - We did dizzy bat for my fantasy football draft order
00:34:36 and my friend snapped a photo of me playing dizzy bat.
00:34:40 I shouldn't be walking, man.
00:34:41 It is, and then a guy, Stoolie, quote tweeted it
00:34:44 with a picture of his wheelchair-bound son.
00:34:47 He's like, his are thicker.
00:34:49 And I was like, dude.
00:34:50 Bringing it, and it was--
00:34:51 - What, you got clumber legs?
00:34:53 - Worse.
00:34:54 - Worse than clumber?
00:34:55 - Have you ever heard of rickets, the disease?
00:34:57 Go to the subreddit for rickets.
00:35:00 - Are you on there?
00:35:00 - It's just photos of me.
00:35:02 - Okay.
00:35:03 - I gotta check this out.
00:35:04 I've never heard of rickets.
00:35:05 - It's like babies get it when they don't have
00:35:07 enough calcium in their legs
00:35:08 and they get all bowed and tiny.
00:35:10 - I just sent it to you, honey.
00:35:11 - That's it, thank you.
00:35:11 - Thanks, Kate.
00:35:12 (laughing)
00:35:14 - That does look painful.
00:35:15 - Oh, God.
00:35:16 - Yeah, dude.
00:35:17 - I'm more appalled with how the bat is not on the ground
00:35:20 and he's just completely--
00:35:21 - Look how short your bat is.
00:35:23 - Being an athlete.
00:35:24 - What?
00:35:25 - You could just do it.
00:35:26 (laughing)
00:35:27 - Yeah.
00:35:28 - What are you laughing at?
00:35:29 (laughing)
00:35:32 - I'm taller than you.
00:35:33 - Hardly.
00:35:34 - Still am.
00:35:35 - Hardly.
00:35:36 - I think if you're taller, you get to.
00:35:39 - But yeah, non-flattering photo, especially here.
00:35:41 - Well, I think, too, people will watch a normal video
00:35:44 of me doing an interview.
00:35:45 I can be interviewing a World War II Purple Heart Vet
00:35:48 on CBT and somebody would be like,
00:35:50 "Look at this part where you look stupid."
00:35:52 It's like, what, why?
00:35:53 - Oh, pause it at this time.
00:35:54 - Yeah, people pause it when these moments
00:35:56 and they let you know.
00:35:57 They're like, "Here you go, look at that."
00:35:58 - You freeze the frame, anyone's good.
00:35:59 - Yeah.
00:36:01 - Just hit pause on a video,
00:36:02 everybody's gonna look like an idiot.
00:36:03 - But not even at work stuff.
00:36:05 If my buddies will post a picture with me
00:36:07 and it's just to our friends and girls I used to date
00:36:10 that follow me, I'm looking awful.
00:36:13 Not good.
00:36:14 - Yeah.
00:36:15 - Yeah, it's tough.
00:36:16 - I hear ya.
00:36:17 All right, I'm up.
00:36:17 Before I make my pick, I wanna talk about Game Time,
00:36:19 the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports,
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00:36:31 Hawk season's coming up.
00:36:33 - We're like two weeks away from the camp open day.
00:36:36 That's gonna be like the hottest ticket in town.
00:36:38 - Yeah.
00:36:39 - Seeing Bedard at home,
00:36:40 so you can check out Game Time for that.
00:36:41 They'll have those last-minute price drops.
00:36:43 - Bedard-Crosby.
00:36:44 - That's out in Pittsburgh.
00:36:45 - That's, okay.
00:36:46 - First home game against the Stanley Cup champion.
00:36:47 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:48 - Vegas Golden Knights.
00:36:49 - Mm-hmm.
00:36:50 - Yeah.
00:36:51 - So go check that out.
00:36:51 Also, obviously the Bulls are there.
00:36:54 I'm sure there's a bunch of concerts and stuff.
00:36:56 - I mean, Notre Dame beat Ohio State on Saturday,
00:36:58 so they're gonna have the championship run,
00:37:00 so that'll be great.
00:37:01 - Guys pre-calling a shot.
00:37:03 So go do it.
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00:37:22 enter your email and redeem code dogwalk
00:37:24 for $20 off your first purchase.
00:37:26 Terms do apply.
00:37:28 All right, my pick.
00:37:29 Butt crack.
00:37:32 - Yeah.
00:37:34 - Butt crack.
00:37:35 Bigger guy problem, butt cracks, it's not great.
00:37:39 - Yeah, and there's nothing cute about it.
00:37:44 - No.
00:37:44 - Butt cracks are gross.
00:37:45 - Yeah.
00:37:46 - They are kind of, they're just gross.
00:37:49 - It's, as a girl too, and it's, yeah.
00:37:52 - Even a girl's butt crack is--
00:37:54 - I remember-- - No, it's bad, yeah.
00:37:55 - During the college era of the mid-2000s,
00:37:59 like super low-rise jeans with a little bit of thong
00:38:01 sticking out, butt crack was in.
00:38:03 - True.
00:38:04 - And the thong was covering up the butt crack, right?
00:38:05 - The thong was covering, but like you knew what was under.
00:38:08 - Yeah, that was the butt crack.
00:38:08 - Yeah, that was the butt crack, yeah.
00:38:09 - Yeah, there was a butt crack right there.
00:38:11 - I've heard some girls got tramp stamps
00:38:12 to kind of dress it up.
00:38:13 - They do, and the stem of the shamrock points right at it.
00:38:16 - One of my--
00:38:17 - Yeah, tough.
00:38:18 - One of my favorite tweets of all time
00:38:19 is a dude that went to the Magic the Gathering tournament,
00:38:22 and he just took a picture next to every butt crack showing.
00:38:24 (laughing)
00:38:25 It was those hundreds of crack.
00:38:26 - Hundreds and hundreds.
00:38:27 - That's amazing.
00:38:28 - I remember in high school, if guys like had their,
00:38:31 and people go, "Crack kills."
00:38:33 That was supposed to embarrass,
00:38:34 it was supposed to embarrass, yeah.
00:38:35 - And it probably worked.
00:38:37 - Everyone has a butt crack, but if everyone--
00:38:39 - You're right.
00:38:40 - Oh man, I can't.
00:38:40 - Brandon Walker--
00:38:41 - No, he doesn't.
00:38:42 - Really, really, really low ass crack.
00:38:44 - He has--
00:38:45 - His pants have been almost to his fucking knees,
00:38:47 and I haven't seen it.
00:38:47 - It's shocking. - Really?
00:38:48 - Yeah.
00:38:49 - He has like a SpongeBob kind of body.
00:38:50 - Like Hank Hill.
00:38:51 - Yeah, yeah.
00:38:52 - Yeah, he's just like square, his torso's like a rectangle.
00:38:56 - It's like a smooth, like a delta almost.
00:38:59 - Yeah, yeah.
00:39:00 - Instead of a butt crack, it's weird.
00:39:01 - Is he, does he have a narrow urethra like Hank Hill?
00:39:04 - Oh, I'm sure.
00:39:06 - Like a little sperm marching through a single file?
00:39:07 - A single file, yeah.
00:39:09 - I don't know, 'cause he has four kids.
00:39:11 - Yeah, that's true, so it probably doesn't.
00:39:12 - Good point.
00:39:13 - Is he still here?
00:39:14 - I kinda like for science reasons to see his butt crack.
00:39:17 - You won't be able to, he just walked out.
00:39:19 - He did, okay.
00:39:20 - Yeah.
00:39:21 - Yeah, so butt crack, that's what I pick.
00:39:23 Chief, you're up again.
00:39:25 - I'll take being slow at basic math.
00:39:30 I feel like there are times where like,
00:39:31 even if you're at like a dinner
00:39:34 and you're trying to come up with this,
00:39:34 your card's been declined,
00:39:36 and then you're trying to do the tip,
00:39:38 and you just like, you're trying to like, what's the third?
00:39:40 So then I always just end up over tipping,
00:39:42 'cause I don't want to under tip 'cause of math.
00:39:44 - I got a trick for you there.
00:39:45 - If you tell me to move a decimal, I'm like,
00:39:47 it doesn't work. - I hate the tricks.
00:39:48 It doesn't work, I gotta use my fingies.
00:39:50 - What's 10% of 20?
00:39:52 Two, multiply that by two, there's 20%.
00:39:54 - What? - Too many steps.
00:39:55 - Four.
00:39:56 - Four dollar tip for a $20 bill, that's 20%.
00:39:58 - And I would say--
00:39:59 - Nope.
00:40:00 - I would say our guy Carl is like very,
00:40:03 he was like a whiz at math.
00:40:05 So like, we'd be talking about something,
00:40:06 be like, oh, like that's 17% of this.
00:40:08 I'm like, well.
00:40:08 - That's insane.
00:40:09 I'm jealous.
00:40:10 - Yeah, and then I would just,
00:40:11 if there's a question out there,
00:40:13 I just kind of like sheepishly just like wait.
00:40:15 Oh yeah, yeah, like that's it.
00:40:16 - I don't know my seven times tables.
00:40:18 - That was the first one I learned
00:40:19 'cause it was touchdowns.
00:40:21 - Oh, fuck. - So I knew that early.
00:40:22 - Don't know.
00:40:24 - That's a good way to do it.
00:40:25 - Yeah.
00:40:26 - That's a good way to do it.
00:40:27 Yeah, this sucks.
00:40:28 - Yeah.
00:40:29 - I'm not good at math, so I'd be like,
00:40:30 did you really need a calculator?
00:40:31 It's like, no, I was texting.
00:40:32 - Yeah.
00:40:33 - Or just like, what are you tipping?
00:40:35 Was she pretty good?
00:40:35 - Yeah, like when you're splitting the bill.
00:40:37 - Well, it is 25% of 100.
00:40:39 - Yeah.
00:40:40 - I used to work-- - Yeah, I've embarrassed
00:40:41 myself in the law. - Small deli
00:40:42 that didn't have credit cards and it was all cash,
00:40:44 and so I had to do like the change and the whatever,
00:40:46 and it was all like, it was very small,
00:40:48 and having to write down on paper
00:40:51 and like use my fingers in front of grown adults,
00:40:53 it was--
00:40:55 - But breaking all the fingers is tough.
00:40:56 - Yeah, it was tough.
00:40:57 It's not good.
00:40:58 - Sucks.
00:40:58 - Zach, Dave.
00:41:00 - When someone walks in on you taking a dump.
00:41:03 - My favorite Barstool story.
00:41:05 - You make up.
00:41:06 - My second favorite Barstool story
00:41:07 to Jeff Dillo falling down the steps
00:41:09 is somebody getting walked in on taking a dump.
00:41:11 - I walked in on, I did that.
00:41:13 - This one's crazier, I think.
00:41:15 It was Nate, Nate Dog taking a dump.
00:41:18 - Who walked in?
00:41:19 - Creed Bratton from The Office.
00:41:20 (laughing)
00:41:23 Walked in on Nate taking a dump.
00:41:26 (laughing)
00:41:28 - All right.
00:41:29 - Yeah, that wins.
00:41:30 - I will say though, I think it's more embarrassing
00:41:33 for the person walking in than the person taking the dump.
00:41:36 - I think it's one of the funniest situations ever though.
00:41:39 - Right?
00:41:40 - It's so funny 'cause the way they like cover.
00:41:41 - Yes, there is no--
00:41:42 - I said I'm in here.
00:41:43 (laughing)
00:41:45 - The fast switch muscle to see how quick someone covers up
00:41:47 is so fast.
00:41:49 - It's like Olympic.
00:41:50 - Yes.
00:41:51 - You turn into Olympian.
00:41:52 - 100% you do.
00:41:53 - Especially too if you're real relaxed
00:41:54 and you're just scrolling your phone.
00:41:55 - Yeah.
00:41:56 - And you're like chilling.
00:41:57 - You grab your phone, you hear it splay out.
00:41:59 (laughing)
00:42:01 - It's just so fast.
00:42:03 - Yeah.
00:42:04 And then like the person you,
00:42:05 I've walked in on people and that you think
00:42:08 they like hate you.
00:42:09 - Yeah.
00:42:10 - Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:42:11 You walked in on Che pissing twice.
00:42:12 - Twice, yeah.
00:42:14 - Pissing I don't care about.
00:42:15 - Yeah.
00:42:16 It's still, I just love it.
00:42:17 - Well, you won't take a shit anywhere.
00:42:19 - No, I will not.
00:42:19 - Have you shit at your new apartment yet?
00:42:21 - Yeah, Dave.
00:42:22 - Well, I mean, how long did it take though?
00:42:24 - First day.
00:42:24 - First day?
00:42:25 - Yeah, yeah.
00:42:26 - But it was mine, cleaned.
00:42:27 - Yeah, mine is more just like, I want to be alone.
00:42:30 I can't do public restrooms.
00:42:32 - I don't do public restrooms either.
00:42:33 It has to be like an obscene emergency.
00:42:35 - Yeah.
00:42:36 - Yeah, I'm like, if I'm shitting in public,
00:42:38 it's me spitting.
00:42:39 - I've shit in this office less than five times,
00:42:41 I would say.
00:42:42 And it was all like 4 a.m. hungover Mexican shits.
00:42:44 - Yeah.
00:42:45 - Mexican food shit.
00:42:46 - Yeah, I got it.
00:42:47 It wasn't Mexican people.
00:42:48 - Yeah, yeah.
00:42:49 (laughing)
00:42:50 - Oh, I had to clarify that, it's 2023.
00:42:52 - What the fuck?
00:42:53 (laughing)
00:42:56 - Oh.
00:42:58 - So it's specifically when someone walks--
00:42:58 - What was that moan?
00:42:59 - When someone walks in on you.
00:43:02 - Yeah.
00:43:03 - Okay.
00:43:04 - Okay.
00:43:05 - Yeah.
00:43:06 - I'm walking on someone, I don't care.
00:43:06 - I walked in on Brandon Mim and it was terrible.
00:43:09 - On who?
00:43:10 - Brandon Mim.
00:43:11 Did you guys see him?
00:43:12 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:13 - Yeah, his first day, first time I met him.
00:43:15 - Oh.
00:43:16 - He was shitting on his first day.
00:43:17 - Yeah, that's a power move.
00:43:18 - But I think he was here all day, you know,
00:43:20 like, like hotels far, so I don't know.
00:43:23 - That's a power move.
00:43:24 - Yeah.
00:43:25 - Okay.
00:43:26 - This is a niche one that probably won't hit
00:43:28 with this audience, but for me now, when my child,
00:43:32 my toddler is throwing a massive tantrum out in public,
00:43:35 I will sweat through my hoodie sometimes.
00:43:40 Once on an airplane and once at the grocery store
00:43:43 where I almost had to leave like an entirely full cart
00:43:46 of food and just run.
00:43:47 But, 'cause you look like a piece of shit parent.
00:43:51 Like no matter what you do, if you're around people
00:43:53 who aren't used to kids, like, they're like,
00:43:56 why can't you fix that?
00:43:57 Why can't you?
00:43:58 And like, I guess you don't understand
00:43:59 and tell your parents sometimes you just cannot stop it
00:44:01 no matter what.
00:44:02 - Yeah, I think I'd snap the judgment and just be like,
00:44:05 wow, she's doing a bad job.
00:44:06 - They're missing whole parts of their brain still.
00:44:08 And once they become like dysregulated enough,
00:44:10 there's like no stopping that train.
00:44:12 And we were on a plane to Arkansas for Christmas.
00:44:15 And it was the most, it was like two hours.
00:44:19 I brought all the toys, iPad, everything.
00:44:21 And I was like soaked in sweat by the time we landed.
00:44:26 The flight attendants were like blowing up gloves
00:44:29 and like dancing in the aisle for them.
00:44:31 And like, people were like desperately trying to help me.
00:44:34 And it was like the most embarrassing, like,
00:44:37 I felt bad for him 'cause he was at, but like--
00:44:39 - How old was, 'cause your kid's still so small.
00:44:41 - He's like two and a half.
00:44:42 But he was, so I guess he was like one
00:44:45 and a little over one and a half.
00:44:47 And-- - He's a baby.
00:44:48 - Oh my God.
00:44:48 But it's just like, you wanna tell everyone like,
00:44:50 sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:44:52 But you also wanna stand up for your kid.
00:44:53 It was just like, I've never experienced that kind of,
00:44:56 like I'm not embarrassed of him, but like--
00:44:59 - Yeah, but you don't wanna like,
00:45:01 you know like the plane is miserable.
00:45:02 - You feel the judge for these people.
00:45:03 - You know, I do get it.
00:45:04 - You've been in that situation.
00:45:05 - Yeah, yeah, that's horrible.
00:45:06 - I'm like, I totally get it guys.
00:45:07 If I've been that hungover person being like,
00:45:09 oh my fucking God, this shit won't stop.
00:45:11 - Shut the fucking baby up.
00:45:12 There's nobody to blame
00:45:13 and that's what makes it just embarrassing.
00:45:14 - Yeah. - Yeah.
00:45:15 - All eyes are on you.
00:45:16 - Yeah.
00:45:17 - And there's no-- - You know everybody's
00:45:18 like, yeah, there's no resolution.
00:45:19 - Yeah, yeah.
00:45:20 - And yeah, face down on the grocery store floor
00:45:23 and you're like holding them like a football
00:45:25 running through the aisles and you're like, oh my God.
00:45:28 - It's like a kid tantrum, a kid crying too much.
00:45:30 - Like I guess like--
00:45:31 - A public tantrum.
00:45:33 - Major toddler tantrum in public, I guess I would say.
00:45:35 I don't know how you would word it.
00:45:37 - Yeah.
00:45:38 - We'll workshop it.
00:45:39 - Any dog walk parents following will understand.
00:45:42 - My sister will, both my sisters listen
00:45:44 and will sympathize with me.
00:45:45 - Okay. - There we go.
00:45:46 - 100%.
00:45:47 - It's tough out there, I'm sweating just talking about it.
00:45:49 - No, I would panic.
00:45:50 - It's tough, yeah.
00:45:50 - I'm not ready.
00:45:51 - It's tough.
00:45:52 - Yeah, it is tough.
00:45:54 - Wear a condom.
00:45:55 - Nope. - Nope.
00:45:56 (laughing)
00:45:59 - Get your tubes tied.
00:46:00 (laughing)
00:46:01 - Take some room.
00:46:02 - That's a you problem.
00:46:03 - Yeah, I'm not the one getting pregnant.
00:46:05 - That's true, that's true.
00:46:06 - You forgot what room you were in.
00:46:08 - It's true.
00:46:08 - The onus is on you guys.
00:46:11 - Pardon me.
00:46:13 - You're up again, Kim.
00:46:14 - I'm up again.
00:46:15 This is like low, again, low hanging fruit,
00:46:18 but like when you have to shit in public
00:46:22 and it's like at a Starbucks or something,
00:46:24 maybe two days ago it was at a Michael's craft store
00:46:27 and because you took too many dog relax
00:46:29 'cause you're pregnant you can't shit
00:46:30 and you were getting a picture framed
00:46:31 and all of a sudden--
00:46:32 - Did not know that was a thing.
00:46:33 - You had to take a huge diary at the Michael's.
00:46:36 - Yeah, diary at Michael's, yeah.
00:46:37 - A store that's really quiet or something like that.
00:46:39 But like we, I took, we were on Lake Michigan
00:46:42 on the drive home, we stopped in like Michigan City
00:46:44 and at a Starbucks I just had to pee
00:46:47 and there was like a men's softball like beer league guy
00:46:50 in front of us still wearing his jersey
00:46:52 and he like already had the sweats
00:46:54 and I could see him look at me and be like,
00:46:55 I should let her go first, but he didn't, he went in
00:46:58 and he was in there for, I swear to God,
00:47:01 every time, you know when you just keep waiting
00:47:03 'cause you're like at this point
00:47:03 he's gotta come out any second now,
00:47:05 like you've waited so long, you can't stop
00:47:07 and by the time he came out, like I could tell,
00:47:09 his head was down, I don't even know
00:47:11 if he got his drink on the way out,
00:47:12 there was like 50 of us waiting to use the bathroom
00:47:14 by the time he finally came out.
00:47:16 - Starbucks bathrooms are a war zone.
00:47:18 - Yeah, but like on an airplane,
00:47:19 I'm always conscious of like I've been in here--
00:47:20 - You shit on airplanes?
00:47:22 - No, I'm saying like I try and pee quick
00:47:24 and get out of there 'cause I don't want people
00:47:25 to be like, wow, she's been in there a while,
00:47:27 even if I'm just stretching my legs, I make sure--
00:47:29 - She is taking a shit.
00:47:30 - Just people knowing, people knowing you're taking a dump.
00:47:34 - Yep.
00:47:35 - Sorry, that was a long, that was long-winded.
00:47:36 - It's when humans are at their most vulnerable.
00:47:38 - Yeah, that was really long-winded, but--
00:47:39 - That's why your dog will sit outside your bathroom door.
00:47:42 - What do you mean, why?
00:47:43 - 'Cause that's when they're most vulnerable in the wild,
00:47:44 so the pack will like watch 'em,
00:47:46 so when your dog knows you're shitting,
00:47:48 it will sit outside your bathroom door.
00:47:50 - No way. - Damn.
00:47:50 - My dog does that.
00:47:51 - Yeah, no way. - I would never.
00:47:52 - Yeah, it's a good fact.
00:47:54 - Wow.
00:47:55 - That's Neil deGrasse Tyson, right?
00:47:57 - So when people know you're shitting.
00:47:59 - The space guy? - Yeah, I guess like--
00:48:00 - He said he had a thing on the evolution of dogs
00:48:02 and I think that was in it.
00:48:03 - That's pretty cool.
00:48:04 - Yeah.
00:48:05 - I don't like him, so I don't think I heard it from him.
00:48:06 - He is annoying as fuck.
00:48:08 - His specials are good, though.
00:48:09 (laughing)
00:48:11 - He's just annoying.
00:48:11 - Yeah. - He's annoying and roguing.
00:48:14 - Is that the best way to put it, Kate?
00:48:15 - Yeah, people know you're shitting.
00:48:16 Like here at the office, like if I was,
00:48:17 'cause everybody's waiting on the keys.
00:48:19 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
00:48:19 - If somebody was standing there
00:48:20 waiting on the keys for 15 minutes
00:48:22 and I finally come back, you're like,
00:48:23 "Oh, Kate took a shit in there."
00:48:25 - 100%. - I hate it when I pee
00:48:26 and it stinks in there and somebody's waiting
00:48:28 and they think it's mine.
00:48:29 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:48:30 - Yes. - And they'll never believe
00:48:31 it's my stink. - That's why we,
00:48:32 Chief went in there, I was behind him one day,
00:48:34 he's like, "Someone, there's a murder scene."
00:48:36 'Cause there was like shit all over the seat.
00:48:37 - Oh. - It was Che.
00:48:39 - Yeah. - Oh yeah, he admitted to it.
00:48:41 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
00:48:41 - So we all ran out, we're like, "This is Che,
00:48:43 "like let's get to the bottom of it."
00:48:45 Like nobody blamed anyone. - I didn't see this.
00:48:47 - To Che's, he didn't know.
00:48:49 It was underneath like the, he had a rough day.
00:48:52 - Yeah, that's what I heard, yeah.
00:48:54 - Yeah, that's tough. - It wasn't his fault.
00:48:55 - Or look at a tailgate.
00:48:56 - Have you guys noticed the water in the toilets today?
00:48:58 - Oh, having a shit in the tailgate.
00:48:59 - By the way. - I have not gone yet.
00:49:00 What's going on?
00:49:01 - It looks like the Johnny Cash Folsom prison,
00:49:04 like in the movie, where he's like,
00:49:05 "I don't wanna drink this yellow water."
00:49:07 - Where? - In our sink.
00:49:09 - I've noticed-- - Our bathrooms too, yeah.
00:49:11 - The women's room, the only toilet paper left
00:49:13 is pumpkin spice dude wipes. - Yeah.
00:49:16 - It's the only thing there is to wipe in there.
00:49:18 - They actually kinda rule.
00:49:19 - Yeah. - I don't know if you've
00:49:20 used them, man. - I haven't.
00:49:21 - They're kinda sweet. - I'm sure Shelby
00:49:22 will appreciate that. - Yeah.
00:49:23 - Yes, yep, yep, absolutely.
00:49:26 - Damn, the water's yellow, I just had some coffee with it.
00:49:29 - Yeah. - It's the Beggin' Strips
00:49:30 Dude Wipes again, fuck. (laughing)
00:49:32 Oh no.
00:49:33 - Dave.
00:49:38 - Spitting when talking in conversation, by mistake.
00:49:47 - Yep, what do they call that, a gleek?
00:49:49 - That's like the yawn. - Gleeking.
00:49:50 - There's a word for it. - Oh my God, it'll shoot out.
00:49:52 - Oh yeah. - Hold on, I can do that.
00:49:53 I can do that. - I can, okay.
00:49:54 - Am I allowed? - To what?
00:49:55 - Yeah. - Gleek?
00:49:56 - I mean, sure. - Gleek right on chief.
00:49:58 - Well. (gasping)
00:49:59 - That was just spitting, I think.
00:50:00 - No. - Yeah.
00:50:01 - You get it from your spit gland on your tongue.
00:50:04 - Yeah. - Ew, that really went.
00:50:05 - That's like a-- - Ew.
00:50:06 - It's like a venomous-- - It's like a Randy Walsh.
00:50:08 - Yeah, it's like a venomous-- - How'd you learn
00:50:09 that you could do that?
00:50:10 - When gleeking was a thing in fifth grade,
00:50:13 I taught myself, I just figured it out, I don't know.
00:50:16 - Babe, you're gonna make me gleek.
00:50:18 (laughing)
00:50:20 - You know gleeking's just a-- - You just secrete saliva.
00:50:22 - So. - Look, it's all over
00:50:23 my computer right now. - Cool.
00:50:24 - Whenever Dave makes it out hard enough,
00:50:27 starts gleeking all over the place.
00:50:28 - You start early on the kiss.
00:50:30 - There was a time, we were at Joe's on Weed,
00:50:34 which is a bar here in town.
00:50:36 Dave threw me a surprise going away party
00:50:38 'cause I was supposed to move,
00:50:39 and then I never ended up moving.
00:50:40 - Yeah. (laughing)
00:50:41 Good friend here, right? - Great friend, yeah.
00:50:43 - I think he charged a cover for that, so I don't know.
00:50:45 - Where could it have been?
00:50:46 - Did you make money on Chief's party?
00:50:47 - Of course, yeah. - You're a dickhead.
00:50:49 - Of course. - I love it.
00:50:50 - Yeah, so this is like-- - Wahoo and I,
00:50:51 I threw a party. - I was talking to this girl
00:50:54 and her friend and her boyfriend, who was Stooley,
00:50:57 and I acted like, while talking,
00:51:00 it was like a loogie on her face.
00:51:01 (laughing)
00:51:02 It like, it like landed to the point where I'm like,
00:51:06 I'm gonna get you a napkin.
00:51:08 It was like no, like I don't know.
00:51:10 - That's not enough, you gotta use your shirt.
00:51:12 You can't walk away and let her wear that for--
00:51:14 - We were like right next to the bar, but it was--
00:51:16 - I'm going in with hand.
00:51:18 (laughing)
00:51:18 - It was-- - Anything,
00:51:20 anything to get it off of them.
00:51:21 - That wasn't on my list, but like the flashback.
00:51:25 - That's more than minor.
00:51:27 - I think I like blacked it out until this moment.
00:51:30 - Like repressed the memory.
00:51:32 - Yeah, yeah. - I remember her name.
00:51:34 - I remember her name, Samantha.
00:51:34 - Shelby? - Samantha.
00:51:36 - Do you think you could reach out to her
00:51:38 and see if she remembers?
00:51:40 - Yeah.
00:51:41 (laughing)
00:51:43 There's no way she forgot that.
00:51:45 - No! - No, dude.
00:51:46 There's something too about other people's spit that--
00:51:50 - It's, yeah, it's disgusting.
00:51:52 - Yeah, in New York I had a guy, he was on this bike,
00:51:55 I was a pedestrian and he turned
00:51:56 and pulled up to the turn and just went,
00:51:59 like didn't see me and got spit on me
00:52:01 and I was like, I have to go home.
00:52:03 - Spit's kinda more gross to me than piss.
00:52:04 - I swear to God, I feel like it's gross.
00:52:07 - Piss is sterile.
00:52:07 - Yeah, piss is sterile. - What's the protocol there,
00:52:09 though, did he offer to wipe it off?
00:52:11 - He was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry,
00:52:12 and I was like, it's fine, it's fine,
00:52:14 I just was like--
00:52:15 - You probably apologized for getting in the way of the spit.
00:52:17 - Sorry I was there, but I felt like I wanted to go
00:52:20 burn my clothes and like roast my--
00:52:21 - Yeah, like take a gas shower like the chemists do
00:52:25 after handling--
00:52:25 - Yeah, and hit her in the face.
00:52:27 - Oh yeah, and it was like, everything stopped.
00:52:29 - Was it like a luger that was--
00:52:32 - She was actually, to her credit, she was like, fine.
00:52:35 She was like, no, it's fine, she was okay.
00:52:37 But like--
00:52:38 - Was it a buggery one?
00:52:39 - No, it was just like clear, but it was like,
00:52:42 how did that much, I'm trying to find her.
00:52:45 Maybe she blocked me.
00:52:47 - Probably.
00:52:48 - The whistle was wet.
00:52:49 - See if she'd be down to call in for like 20 seconds
00:52:53 to give her a side.
00:52:54 I would love to hear her side of the table.
00:52:55 - I got it, like I know her name's Samantha, but I can't--
00:52:58 - Do you remember the friend or the boyfriend?
00:53:00 - No, they were just like random, yeah.
00:53:03 They're random people who bought tickets from Dave.
00:53:05 - Yeah.
00:53:07 - Buy a ticket.
00:53:08 Chief, you're up.
00:53:09 - I can't be.
00:53:15 - How about not being able to catch your breath?
00:53:19 - Oh, yeah.
00:53:20 - That's a good one.
00:53:21 - Yeah, that's a good one.
00:53:22 - Like if you walk up like a big flight of stairs
00:53:24 or something and you just can't, like you can't--
00:53:26 - But you know that a simple 12 steps upstairs
00:53:31 shouldn't be enough.
00:53:32 And you're like trying to have a conversation.
00:53:35 Yeah, yeah, like, well, just, and you're like
00:53:37 trying your hardest not to make it seem like
00:53:39 you're out of breath from walking 20 feet,
00:53:41 but you are, it's embarrassing.
00:53:42 - I was hacky-sacking out in that lobby today
00:53:44 and I was out of breath.
00:53:47 Nobody said anything, but it made a mental note
00:53:49 of like I need to do something.
00:53:51 I need to take a very serious challenge.
00:53:53 - And sometimes you gotta hide to like catch it
00:53:55 because you don't want everyone to see
00:53:56 you catching your breath.
00:53:57 - You ever do the fake yawn?
00:54:00 - Oh, yeah.
00:54:01 - Oh, yeah.
00:54:01 - Just start coughing.
00:54:02 - Yeah.
00:54:03 - I would imagine if you're trying to impress a lady
00:54:07 and you're going to town, that's gotta be tough.
00:54:11 - Yeah.
00:54:12 - If you run out of breath and you're like,
00:54:13 I can't keep on pumping along.
00:54:16 - If I have to do all the cardio here,
00:54:18 I'm not wearing a condom.
00:54:20 This has to be over quick.
00:54:22 - That's gotta be tough.
00:54:23 Yeah, that's gotta be tough.
00:54:24 - Yeah.
00:54:25 - That's a good pick.
00:54:26 - Yeah, running out of breath, getting the wind
00:54:28 knocked out of you when you're like,
00:54:29 (imitating wind)
00:54:30 - Mom, mom.
00:54:31 - That's super embarrassing too.
00:54:35 - I haven't had that in a while.
00:54:37 - It's super embarrassing when that happens though,
00:54:39 getting the wind knocked out of you.
00:54:41 - I got it in a football game in high school one time
00:54:44 and I was crawling off the field, I was in so much pain.
00:54:46 - Yeah, and you sound like a complete idiot
00:54:50 when you're knocking the wind down yourself.
00:54:52 - You can't talk or anything.
00:54:53 - Yeah.
00:54:55 That guy, that poor baseball reporter
00:54:56 who went down the slide too fast and broke his ribs
00:54:58 and he was like, (imitating wind)
00:55:00 and everybody was like,
00:55:02 everybody roasted the shit out of him.
00:55:05 That was terrible.
00:55:06 (imitating wind)
00:55:07 Yeah.
00:55:08 - That was tough.
00:55:09 - That's a bad being out of breath.
00:55:10 - That's a good pick.
00:55:11 It's to me,
00:55:12 I thought you were gonna take this kid
00:55:15 when you were explaining the tantrum one,
00:55:16 but honestly, sometimes it's just sweating too much.
00:55:20 - Yes.
00:55:21 - Like being too sweaty.
00:55:22 - And then you get nervous and you sweat more?
00:55:24 - Yeah.
00:55:24 - Yeah.
00:55:25 - Yeah, and then you get the armpit going,
00:55:27 it's like, oh shit.
00:55:28 - I had pit stains on my wrist.
00:55:29 - You see pits over there?
00:55:31 - That's why I wear black almost nine months of the year.
00:55:33 - Yeah, but even that, it's like,
00:55:35 you're still, if your hair's going,
00:55:37 it's like you're wiping your face.
00:55:39 - Oh, then yeah.
00:55:40 - That sucks.
00:55:40 - I'm like a very anxious person,
00:55:42 and I grew up Catholic,
00:55:43 and there's always the sign of peace at church,
00:55:45 where you have to shake everybody's hands.
00:55:47 And if there was a boy around me
00:55:49 that I was kinda crushing on or something like that,
00:55:51 from the second we sat down,
00:55:53 I would start thinking about the sign of peace
00:55:54 and having to touch his hand,
00:55:56 and my hands would start sweating,
00:55:57 and by the time the sign of peace came around,
00:55:59 I'd be like, oh shit.
00:56:01 (laughing)
00:56:01 I'd be like drenched in sweat.
00:56:04 And I was the guy super self-conscious of it.
00:56:06 But the more you think of it, the more you sweat.
00:56:08 - It's like, you're perfect for this topic.
00:56:10 (laughing)
00:56:12 - My whole life is full of embarrassments.
00:56:15 - Back story, yeah.
00:56:17 Yeah, sweating too much, it sucks.
00:56:19 Nick.
00:56:21 - I'm gonna go with when it's quiet
00:56:23 and your stomach makes a noise.
00:56:25 - Yeah.
00:56:26 - It's just (growling)
00:56:27 And you have to speak for your stomach,
00:56:29 you're like, it's fine.
00:56:30 - That happens to me daily,
00:56:32 and he always makes a comment.
00:56:33 - And it's just like, it's completely out of your control,
00:56:36 and you know it's gonna be coming again in like 40 seconds.
00:56:38 And it just, yeah, it sounds like a metal scream.
00:56:41 (growling)
00:56:42 - And you, I mean--
00:56:43 - I hate that noise.
00:56:43 - Mine's like a glottal like,
00:56:46 (growling)
00:56:47 - I can only imagine.
00:56:48 - Did you make up a word for what your stomach sounds like?
00:56:50 - Glottal?
00:56:51 No, it's like the back of your throat.
00:56:53 - I've never heard that word before either.
00:56:54 - It sounds like it should be a word.
00:56:55 - G-L-O-T-T-A-L, I believe is how it's--
00:56:57 - Never heard that. - Wow.
00:56:59 - That's a perfect description for it.
00:57:02 - It sucks.
00:57:03 - I'll take a glottal stomach sound.
00:57:04 - It's like an onomatopoeia.
00:57:06 - Yeah.
00:57:07 - Well, you can gleek like that,
00:57:08 you're all aware of your glottal.
00:57:10 - Do you got a shit or are you hungry?
00:57:12 - Oh my God.
00:57:13 - My stomach just makes noises.
00:57:15 - Yeah, oh yeah.
00:57:15 - It's not even hungry sometimes.
00:57:16 - Yeah, it's not even, it's just kind of every once in a while.
00:57:20 - Well, you've talked about it, you have,
00:57:21 what is it called?
00:57:22 - I have celiac disease.
00:57:23 - Does that make it more--
00:57:24 - No, I'm pretty good now.
00:57:25 - No, it has nothing to do with it?
00:57:26 - It used to, yeah.
00:57:27 - It makes a ton of noise.
00:57:28 - So what's it like, wheat and shit?
00:57:29 - Wheat, yeah, flour, soy.
00:57:31 - So you can't do any of that?
00:57:32 - No, it sucks.
00:57:34 I found out like four months ago.
00:57:35 - Oh, really?
00:57:36 - Yeah, it rocked me to my core.
00:57:38 I moved to like the most carby city in the world.
00:57:40 - You did?
00:57:41 - Yeah.
00:57:41 - Do you have something you'll like still do it for or no?
00:57:44 - Like I could do like a couple wings
00:57:46 and I know I'm gonna like be cramping in the bathroom,
00:57:47 but I fucking love wings.
00:57:48 I get deep fried with like the breading.
00:57:50 - Yeah, yeah.
00:57:51 - Switch to smoked.
00:57:52 - Yeah, you can.
00:57:53 - Yeah, the smoked wings are good, so.
00:57:55 - Damn, that's shitty.
00:57:56 - I'm actually going to Bird's Nest today.
00:57:58 - Oh, nice.
00:57:59 - Should, do they have smoked?
00:58:00 - No, they're not breaded though.
00:58:03 - They're not breaded.
00:58:04 - Okay, yeah.
00:58:05 - They're fried, but they're not fried.
00:58:06 - Oh, yeah.
00:58:07 - All right, cool.
00:58:08 - They're good, they're really good.
00:58:09 - They're very good.
00:58:10 - You're up again.
00:58:11 - I cannot find this girl that I spit on.
00:58:14 - Fire for the best.
00:58:16 - No, we talked about that.
00:58:18 - Give it to Danny.
00:58:19 - I think I asked her out.
00:58:21 - I know you asked her out.
00:58:23 I've never heard this story and I know you asked her out.
00:58:26 - Now that I've marked you.
00:58:27 - Yeah.
00:58:28 (laughing)
00:58:29 - Since we're already at first base.
00:58:32 - She's mine.
00:58:33 - We've already exchanged bodily fluids.
00:58:36 - That was one-sided.
00:58:37 I'm gonna go joke not landing.
00:58:40 We all have to be high volume shooters here
00:58:42 and it'll happen.
00:58:43 Joke not landing, it's, you know,
00:58:46 even outside of this career,
00:58:49 you're with a group of the fellas
00:58:50 and they're, everybody's laughing.
00:58:51 - And everybody goes quiet.
00:58:52 - Everybody's taking turns crushing,
00:58:53 then it goes to you, quiet.
00:58:55 - Yeah.
00:58:55 - Oh, that's bad.
00:58:56 - Such a high to such a low.
00:58:57 - Start rethinking some shit.
00:58:58 - Yeah.
00:58:59 - Damn.
00:59:00 - Why'd I say that?
00:59:01 - Yeah.
00:59:02 - Yeah.
00:59:02 - That was a bad one.
00:59:03 - Mm-hmm.
00:59:04 - That's it was on my list for sure.
00:59:05 - Yeah.
00:59:06 - Let's take that.
00:59:07 - That's good.
00:59:08 - Definitely.
00:59:09 - I mean, Dave, you have to know what that feels like.
00:59:10 - Oh yeah, of course.
00:59:11 I mean, it's so second nature at this point
00:59:13 that I don't get embarrassed because, you know.
00:59:16 - You've had exposure therapy.
00:59:17 - Yeah.
00:59:18 - Yeah, right.
00:59:18 - Yeah.
00:59:19 - You just gotta move on.
00:59:20 - Yeah, just, you know, keep shooting.
00:59:22 - Yep.
00:59:24 - Odds to me.
00:59:25 So I think this is different,
00:59:26 but you guys can make the judgment call.
00:59:28 I thought Chief, you had a good pick,
00:59:29 like just spilling the drink on the table
00:59:31 and it goes everywhere.
00:59:32 - But just spilling on yourself too
00:59:33 and looking like a slob.
00:59:34 - Yep, I almost took stain just then.
00:59:36 - Yeah, just like, so stain,
00:59:37 like spilling on your shirt, staining your shirt.
00:59:39 - That's different.
00:59:40 - Yeah, staining your shirt.
00:59:42 - I was that guy.
00:59:43 I was known in college,
00:59:45 I would constantly have a little drip stain right here
00:59:47 'cause I would drink my beer like at light speed.
00:59:51 And I was just the drip guy.
00:59:52 - Always had the drip.
00:59:53 - Yeah.
00:59:54 - You were the drip guy.
00:59:54 - I was the drip guy.
00:59:55 Like you'll, I don't have Facebook anymore,
00:59:57 but if you would like dig up old Facebook pictures
00:59:59 of me in college, I would just--
01:00:00 - You're just covered.
01:00:01 - Always have a stain.
01:00:02 - Always have a little drip right here.
01:00:03 - Would you guys be interested
01:00:04 in a White Sox Dave calendar?
01:00:06 - Yeah.
01:00:07 - Yes, very much so.
01:00:07 - Yes.
01:00:08 - I'm sure you would.
01:00:09 - I'm sure in four months.
01:00:10 - It's never happening.
01:00:11 (laughing)
01:00:12 - I sent it in to our merch team.
01:00:14 - I would like the desk one where it has the day
01:00:16 where you rip the paper off.
01:00:17 - Oh.
01:00:18 (laughing)
01:00:18 - 365.
01:00:19 - Yeah.
01:00:20 - It's either a photo of you or a quote from you.
01:00:21 - Yeah.
01:00:22 - Sometimes it's the word of the day.
01:00:24 - Yeah, exactly.
01:00:26 - Glottal.
01:00:27 - Glottal.
01:00:27 - It's awesome.
01:00:28 - It fits perfectly.
01:00:29 - Yeah.
01:00:30 - I'm sure it would be great.
01:00:31 - Phil, Dylan, what's in there?
01:00:32 - On this day, Dave rushed for 200 yards
01:00:34 in eighth grade football.
01:00:35 That would be great.
01:00:36 I could dig up Phil newspaper articles.
01:00:39 I know you could.
01:00:39 - That would be great.
01:00:41 - I also feel like we gotta do something with condensation
01:00:44 because you're constantly thinking you're spilled on
01:00:46 because your water is just dripping on you.
01:00:48 - Uh-huh.
01:00:49 - Yeah.
01:00:50 - You know, so you're always just, ah, fuck it.
01:00:50 - Yeah.
01:00:51 - And I'm not really a koozie guy.
01:00:52 - I don't like that.
01:00:53 - I know Cons will be pissed.
01:00:55 He brings koozies to bars.
01:00:56 - Everywhere.
01:00:57 - Well, Cons is what I like to call
01:00:59 a gigantic fucking loser.
01:01:01 (laughing)
01:01:02 So that makes perfect sense that he'd be a koozie guy
01:01:05 at a bar.
01:01:06 (laughing)
01:01:07 - Wait, he brings it to bars?
01:01:07 - He brings his own?
01:01:08 - He BYOs, he brings his own.
01:01:10 - Yeah.
01:01:11 - Yeah, he brings his own koozie guy.
01:01:11 - What's it like working with him like regularly?
01:01:13 (laughing)
01:01:14 - He's lovely.
01:01:15 He's a real treat of a guy.
01:01:17 He's a lovely man.
01:01:18 - I like Cons too.
01:01:19 - Wink, wink.
01:01:20 - I do too.
01:01:21 - Kind of.
01:01:21 - Ugh, endoses.
01:01:23 - All right, Chief.
01:01:24 - Man, I got a long list here still too.
01:01:28 I will say accidentally touching someone's hand
01:01:33 on a railing or if you're on the train.
01:01:35 - That's a good one.
01:01:36 - Yeah.
01:01:37 - That's a great one.
01:01:38 - Any part of, like, I've accidentally touched
01:01:40 people's butts before and like, butts,
01:01:42 and like accidentally touching body parts.
01:01:45 - Accidental touches?
01:01:46 - Yeah.
01:01:47 - That's a great one.
01:01:48 - I'm picturing like you're on the train
01:01:51 or like something like the airport
01:01:53 where you're like trying to get in and you're like,
01:01:54 just ugh.
01:01:55 - See, I think it's almost worse if it's like
01:01:56 one of your boys.
01:01:57 Like you're like, oh, all right.
01:01:59 - Yeah, but then you can joke about it.
01:02:00 - Yeah, that's true.
01:02:01 - But it's still like, I always,
01:02:04 I'm awful in these situations
01:02:05 'cause whenever it happens to me,
01:02:07 I over-con, and I'll be, I'll like pull it back
01:02:09 and then like I'll start choking
01:02:11 and I make it way worse.
01:02:13 Awful.
01:02:15 - Yeah.
01:02:16 - You're a woman on the train,
01:02:17 feel something on your butt, you turn around.
01:02:18 - It's like, I'm sorry, I just grabbed your ass.
01:02:20 - His glottal's flailing around in the back of his throat.
01:02:23 He's.
01:02:23 - Oh, man.
01:02:25 - Gross.
01:02:26 Oh.
01:02:27 - That's good.
01:02:28 - Dave.
01:02:29 - I wanna know if this one counts.
01:02:32 This is, it's not daily,
01:02:35 but it happens to everybody yearly.
01:02:38 Happy birthday song.
01:02:39 I hate it.
01:02:40 - Oh.
01:02:41 - I hate it.
01:02:41 It's the worst 30 seconds of my year.
01:02:42 - I don't know what to do.
01:02:44 - I like the happy birthday.
01:02:45 - You like when people sing to you happy birthday?
01:02:47 - I get my aunts all leave me little voicemails.
01:02:50 I'm like.
01:02:51 - I'm saying the kid comes out a surprise
01:02:53 from the waiter.
01:02:54 - I Googled when my birthday,
01:02:55 'cause today's Danny's birthday.
01:02:57 I Googled what day my birthday falls on this year
01:02:59 to make sure I wouldn't be in the office.
01:03:01 I will be, unfortunately,
01:03:02 just so I could avoid people 'cause I.
01:03:04 - I just don't tell people.
01:03:05 - Oh, what day is that?
01:03:06 - It's October 30th.
01:03:07 - October 30th is coming up.
01:03:09 - People remember my birthday
01:03:10 'cause it's the day before Halloween.
01:03:11 - Are you talking about the chee-chees?
01:03:12 Like, happy, happy birthday.
01:03:13 - Yeah, I hate that.
01:03:14 - All of us, you.
01:03:15 - I'm not a chef.
01:03:16 - Any birthday song, the attention you get from birthday
01:03:18 is you didn't pick it.
01:03:19 It's not your day.
01:03:20 It should be for the mom.
01:03:21 - I've always said that.
01:03:22 - Yeah.
01:03:22 - Amen.
01:03:23 - I'm not a fan of birthday for moms.
01:03:25 - Dave, would you have said that
01:03:26 two and a half years ago, Kate?
01:03:28 - No.
01:03:29 - We had an event at Hooters
01:03:30 and they wanted to make Dave do the chicken dance
01:03:32 and he was like horrified.
01:03:33 - It wasn't my birthday, though.
01:03:34 They told him it was my birthday.
01:03:36 It was in the middle of summer.
01:03:37 - No, it was November 6th
01:03:39 'cause it was the day that they fired Carlton.
01:03:41 - So, pretty soon after your birthday.
01:03:43 - Yeah, it was the same week.
01:03:43 - But it doesn't count, though.
01:03:44 - Sure it does.
01:03:45 - A week after?
01:03:46 - It doesn't count.
01:03:47 - If it's your birthday week.
01:03:48 - If it's the first events around your birthday.
01:03:49 - No, that doesn't count.
01:03:50 - A week after?
01:03:51 - They'd still say happy belated, I bet.
01:03:53 - Yeah.
01:03:54 - I'm doing that to you from now on.
01:03:55 Anytime we go out to a restaurant,
01:03:57 I'm telling them it's their birthday.
01:03:58 - Classic prankster.
01:03:58 - Why?
01:03:59 - Oh, I love doing that.
01:04:00 Free slice of cake.
01:04:01 - That was like three years ago that that happened.
01:04:03 - I think that was last summer.
01:04:05 - No, it wasn't.
01:04:06 - Last year before.
01:04:06 - It wasn't the summer or it was last--
01:04:09 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:04:10 - I get mortified when people sing happy birthday
01:04:13 'cause I don't know where to look.
01:04:14 - No, yeah, it's awkward.
01:04:15 You like smile.
01:04:16 You're mute, obviously.
01:04:17 - What is wrong with men?
01:04:19 You're all so--
01:04:20 - I hate it.
01:04:21 - Because it's not manly enough, Kate.
01:04:23 - That could have been first round.
01:04:25 - That's a good pick.
01:04:26 - It's just not like every day though.
01:04:27 That's why I saved it.
01:04:28 - My mom's side of the family added another verse
01:04:31 to the song.
01:04:32 - Another verse?
01:04:32 - What is it?
01:04:33 - I don't even wanna--
01:04:34 - No, no, no, you have to do that.
01:04:35 - I can't remember it.
01:04:36 - Just say it.
01:04:37 - Come on.
01:04:37 - Happy, happy birthday, happy, happy birthday,
01:04:41 and they just keep going like that.
01:04:42 - That's the verse?
01:04:43 - Well, they just, same as the happy birthday.
01:04:45 Yeah, just like, it goes on longer.
01:04:48 But that's like the tune.
01:04:49 And it's like, you think you're out of the woods?
01:04:51 No, no, no.
01:04:52 It's the worst.
01:04:54 - And it's the shortest song.
01:04:56 - It feels.
01:04:57 - But it feels like it's taken 10 years.
01:04:59 - Yeah, you're just like, ugh, end this.
01:05:01 - Dave, I know you were the cha-cha-cha guy
01:05:03 during the birthday party song.
01:05:05 - I was.
01:05:06 - Oh yeah, you were.
01:05:07 - I hate, I hate, and many more guys.
01:05:10 - You're the biggest cha-cha-cha guy I've ever met.
01:05:13 ♪ And many more ♪
01:05:16 - Does that?
01:05:17 (laughing)
01:05:18 - He did that a couple times.
01:05:19 - I've never done that.
01:05:20 I've never, and many more.
01:05:21 - Can you show it to me just so I can visualize it now?
01:05:24 ♪ And many more ♪
01:05:25 - What'll you do for me?
01:05:25 ♪ And many more ♪
01:05:26 - I'll do it, but this has to be a two-way street.
01:05:28 - He just did it.
01:05:29 - He just did it.
01:05:30 - No, I asked him what he's gonna do for me.
01:05:31 - I don't know.
01:05:32 - He's gonna, what do you want me to do?
01:05:33 ♪ And many more ♪
01:05:34 - Yeah, that's not the first time he's done it.
01:05:37 - If we called your mom right now, she would show.
01:05:40 - Yeah, thank you.
01:05:41 (laughing)
01:05:44 - Okay, Mr. Irrelevant.
01:05:45 - Me?
01:05:47 - Yeah.
01:05:48 - Oof, I'm stuck between two right now.
01:05:50 This one's like the lowest hanging of the lowest hanging,
01:05:57 which nobody even said it, but letting a fart slip.
01:05:59 - Yep.
01:06:00 - Letting a fart slip, and earlier, Donnie does.
01:06:02 - Oh my God.
01:06:04 - He just has accepted that he's a gassy man,
01:06:09 and he just farts now.
01:06:10 He doesn't care.
01:06:11 Whole bunch of us sitting there bogging.
01:06:12 - Can you hear him?
01:06:13 - Yes, his face doesn't even change.
01:06:16 He doesn't look up.
01:06:17 He just rips ass and keeps on going,
01:06:19 and then he looks up when the rest of us are like,
01:06:22 oh my God, that was a huge fart.
01:06:23 He looks up, he's like, hm?
01:06:24 Oh, hm.
01:06:25 Like, he just does not give a fuck.
01:06:27 He a celiac?
01:06:29 - I don't know.
01:06:29 - I don't know.
01:06:30 - I don't know.
01:06:31 - Can we call him in here?
01:06:32 - I was there for it.
01:06:33 - For the fart?
01:06:34 It was a big fart.
01:06:35 - It was like, wow, everyone was like, wow.
01:06:36 And he was not phased.
01:06:37 - He did not give a shit.
01:06:39 He's like reached some kind of plane that's incredible.
01:06:42 - That is the level of I don't give a fuck
01:06:44 that I one day hope to be.
01:06:46 - I aspire to be.
01:06:47 I said, I was just impressed by it.
01:06:49 I was like, wow, you've hit a zen that I'll never have.
01:06:53 - He's the most comfortable as himself he will ever be.
01:06:56 - It's actually kind of beautiful.
01:07:00 - Sure, if you think about it.
01:07:01 - No, I agree, but I will never be that person.
01:07:04 - No, I couldn't be that.
01:07:04 - But as a chick?
01:07:05 - Oh my God, there's two times I can think of,
01:07:08 once in middle school, and I pretended.
01:07:10 I accidentally let one slip.
01:07:12 It was English class, and I pretended that it was my foot.
01:07:14 You remember the grapes under the desk?
01:07:15 - You remake the noise?
01:07:16 - Ring, ring, so I started just desperately
01:07:19 trying to ring my foot on the grape.
01:07:22 - I got shit for this.
01:07:23 That's exactly what I did the few times I tooted in class.
01:07:26 I would just start fucking shuffling my chair on the carpet
01:07:28 and making noise, hoping it blends in.
01:07:31 And this guy, he just is like, what the fuck are you?
01:07:34 It's always you, Eddie.
01:07:35 - Yeah, I ripped a lot of animosity towards him.
01:07:39 - Yeah.
01:07:40 - When it does happen, you try to blame the chair.
01:07:42 They're like, we'll make the noise again.
01:07:43 - Yeah, and you can't do it.
01:07:45 - Nope.
01:07:46 - When was the second time?
01:07:47 - Was in church.
01:07:47 - Oh no.
01:07:48 - It was in the pew, it was on the pew,
01:07:50 and I thought it was gonna be quiet.
01:07:51 - Wow.
01:07:52 - And I've--
01:07:53 - No wonder your hands are sweaty.
01:07:55 - You guys get gas bubbles?
01:07:56 - Yeah.
01:07:57 - You know what I'm talking about?
01:07:57 If you're wearing something uncomfortable or whatever,
01:07:59 and it's like--
01:08:00 - And you just kinda reposition 'em.
01:08:02 - I was wearing a dress in church that my mom had made me
01:08:04 that was like a fart dam.
01:08:06 I could feel them all building up,
01:08:08 and I was like, I gotta do something.
01:08:09 So I thought I was gonna silently,
01:08:11 and it was like, brr, on the pew.
01:08:13 (laughing)
01:08:14 - The beginning of what's new pussycat?
01:08:16 (laughing)
01:08:19 - It was right before the sign of peace,
01:08:20 my palms started sweating, I was like, oh no.
01:08:22 - Pews don't muffle.
01:08:22 - No, pews, let me tell you, not the Catholic, all would.
01:08:25 - That's an amp, yeah.
01:08:26 - All would.
01:08:27 - It was a repeater off the bench.
01:08:28 - Yeah.
01:08:29 - Yep, and I just was like, I'd fucking kill you
01:08:32 if you said I wanna fight.
01:08:32 I was probably sixth grade.
01:08:34 - So was it the same day you had to shake that guy's hand?
01:08:36 - No, thank God, no.
01:08:38 Those were two separate, I think all my anxiety
01:08:40 stems from church, but I, yeah, no.
01:08:43 But there's been a couple times,
01:08:44 letting a fart, and then the first time
01:08:46 you let one slip around someone you're dating, and.
01:08:49 - That's almost like, you cross a threshold there, though.
01:08:52 - Yeah, like I try not to around Pat,
01:08:54 you gotta keep the magic, but now,
01:08:56 I'm just like, dude, I'm gonna, what do you want me to say?
01:09:00 - I fart.
01:09:01 - Yeah, I fart, man.
01:09:02 - I can't be un-pregnant right now.
01:09:03 - Yeah, so, there's nothing.
01:09:05 - Well, I guess you technically could.
01:09:07 - I could, I could, I could.
01:09:09 - Yeah, I mean, there's a few clinics,
01:09:11 you know, walking distance from you.
01:09:12 - Walking distance from you, you're the worst.
01:09:15 - Have any of you ever had a good fart slip?
01:09:17 I'm good.
01:09:17 - Yeah, I remember it, seventh grade.
01:09:19 I had an ice cream sandwich, I think I'm a little
01:09:20 lactose intolerant, came back from lunch,
01:09:22 and it was like a high-pitched,
01:09:24 I was trying to keep it in, a high-pitched squeal,
01:09:27 and it was.
01:09:29 - It's definitely happened, but nothing memorable.
01:09:30 - I've mastered the art of like,
01:09:32 spreading one cheek so it comes out silent.
01:09:34 - Yeah.
01:09:35 - I mean, I'm not gonna pretend like I don't fart here.
01:09:37 - No.
01:09:38 - I fart here all the time.
01:09:39 - Yeah, fill it up.
01:09:40 - Yeah, yeah.
01:09:42 - All right, we can do honorable mentions.
01:09:43 - I got a list.
01:09:44 - Before we vote someone off.
01:09:46 Well, let's start with you, Nick.
01:09:48 - Stepping in shit?
01:09:49 - Yes.
01:09:50 (laughing)
01:09:51 - What?
01:09:52 - We have, so when we first.
01:09:55 - Guess what Dave did, guys, five years ago?
01:09:58 This is actually a great story.
01:09:59 (laughing)
01:10:00 This is a great story.
01:10:02 - When we started.
01:10:04 - We were not full-time, we did not have an office.
01:10:06 - It was week three, Bears-Seahawks, Monday night football,
01:10:10 and we had to do a podcast after,
01:10:13 and we're all still at real jobs,
01:10:14 so we're all hustling,
01:10:17 we recorded the podcast at Carl's office,
01:10:19 and Dave had to go outside to pay the box.
01:10:23 - Yeah, but then there was, yes,
01:10:25 but Carl was like, all right, we're recording here,
01:10:28 but make sure everything, if you sit in that chair,
01:10:30 slide it back in the way it was,
01:10:32 everything had to be just so, perfect, immaculate.
01:10:36 - There you go.
01:10:37 (laughing)
01:10:38 - Dave went outside to pay the box or whatever,
01:10:40 he comes back in, and it's after football,
01:10:43 it's like 11 p.m., we just pressed record on the podcast.
01:10:48 Someone's stepping shit, we all check our shoes.
01:10:52 - I'm like, what the fuck is that smell?
01:10:55 - It smells like fucking shit.
01:10:56 (laughing)
01:10:58 - We all check our shoes one by one.
01:11:00 Sure enough, White Sox day.
01:11:02 - So this is like a corporate-ass office
01:11:04 where you have suit and tie to work and shit.
01:11:07 - High rise.
01:11:08 - Thank God the bathroom,
01:11:10 they had all the toiletries out,
01:11:12 so I'm sitting there, all the little webbing
01:11:15 on the bottom of the sole of my shoe,
01:11:17 I'm just sitting there with a Q-tip,
01:11:18 shoving all the fucking shit.
01:11:20 - But it was like, of course it was Dave,
01:11:24 and Carl was not happy, needless to say.
01:11:27 - He went batshit.
01:11:28 - You drug up a bat shit in his place.
01:11:31 - He made Dave take his shoes off, which is fair.
01:11:33 - I would've taken them off anyways.
01:11:34 - And then the whole time,
01:11:35 I'm trying to hide my laughter.
01:11:37 (laughing)
01:11:39 - It lingered.
01:11:40 - And then the night ends,
01:11:41 and it's 1.30 a.m., Dave's on Madison Street,
01:11:44 and he's just got his shoes,
01:11:46 he's walking barefoot on the sidewalk.
01:11:48 - Oh my God.
01:11:49 - That was so funny.
01:11:50 - Meek Phil, when he was filming at Barstool,
01:11:53 did you see him?
01:11:53 - Who put this dog shit here?
01:11:55 - He's our social guy at the New York office,
01:11:57 and he said, "Who put this dog shit here?"
01:11:58 And it pans down, have you seen the video?
01:12:00 - No.
01:12:01 - Oh my God, guys, I'll try,
01:12:02 it's, Meek Phil's an odd bird.
01:12:04 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12:06 - Great guy, like him.
01:12:07 Yeah, he was filming an argument about baseball,
01:12:10 and then just pans down,
01:12:12 and he said, "Who put this dog shit here?"
01:12:14 - And somebody brought their dog to the office
01:12:16 who shit on the floor, it was--
01:12:18 - Snapchat Steve.
01:12:19 - Oh, Snapchat Steve's dog.
01:12:20 Took like a mess, yeah, shit on the floor,
01:12:22 and as he was filming, he was stomping all in it.
01:12:25 - Who put this dog shit here?
01:12:26 - He's like, "Who put this dog shit here?"
01:12:28 Like somebody--
01:12:29 - That's the thing,
01:12:29 it was like somebody pranked him.
01:12:31 Somebody put dog shit under his foot.
01:12:33 It was a dog.
01:12:35 - Oh no, that'll fight, it is incredible.
01:12:37 - Oh man, that's very funny, let me see that.
01:12:41 And like, I add more context to that story,
01:12:43 like it's like, you know, people are heated,
01:12:45 like temperatures are high.
01:12:46 - We were so tired, like we,
01:12:49 I was working 7 a.m. to 5 a.m. every day,
01:12:52 so I was up at like 5.30, it's like midnight,
01:12:55 and like, everyone's at Wood's End,
01:12:57 we need to cut this show,
01:12:58 and I look down and there's just a big fucking
01:13:00 lump of dog shit under my shoe.
01:13:03 - Do you wanna--
01:13:04 - Which means you would have tracked it
01:13:05 through the elevator, through the lobby, everywhere.
01:13:08 - We were on like the 20th floor of this building.
01:13:11 (laughing)
01:13:12 There was plenty of steps taken where there was dog shit
01:13:15 prior to us realizing--
01:13:17 - Yeah.
01:13:18 - Who put this dog shit here?
01:13:18 - That's hilarious.
01:13:19 - The fuck?
01:13:20 - Well, I'm digging deep through Ken Jack's tweets,
01:13:23 he's the one that put it out, I think.
01:13:24 - What do you have, any more honorable mentions, Kate?
01:13:27 - Honorable mentions, parents sometimes,
01:13:29 like every now and then, like I'll be out with my parents
01:13:31 and my dad, but like, not in like a harass-y, creepy way,
01:13:34 but like he thinks it's still okay to like,
01:13:35 wink at the waitress, or like, I don't know,
01:13:38 or he's on Twitter and he'll like,
01:13:40 be like, that's my daughter, blah, blah, blah,
01:13:42 and I'm like, stop, I don't know, it's just--
01:13:45 - I've snapped on my family for that.
01:13:47 I have to apologize to wait staff for like my grandma.
01:13:50 - Yeah.
01:13:51 - I'm just like, she won't be here.
01:13:52 - A lot of, but like, parents are like out
01:13:54 in social settings sometimes that I'm like, oh my god,
01:13:57 like it's beyond my control, but--
01:14:00 - White Sox, Dave wouldn't let his dad go
01:14:02 because he didn't like his shirt.
01:14:03 Where didn't you let him go?
01:14:05 - Oh, that's an old, old story.
01:14:06 - That's an old--
01:14:07 - So, my license got suspended for,
01:14:11 I got a fake ID ticket in college
01:14:13 and it's an automatic license suspension.
01:14:15 I didn't really care though, 'cause I was in college
01:14:17 and I wasn't really driving anyways.
01:14:19 My brother was just getting his driver's license,
01:14:21 he'd just turned 16, and my dad was getting
01:14:23 his motorcycle license in the same day.
01:14:25 So my license, I'm going to get it reinstated,
01:14:27 my brother, we're all getting our license in the same day.
01:14:29 My dad's cutting the grass that morning.
01:14:32 And he's wearing a shirt that went through the wash
01:14:36 that had bleach in it, it was like a shitty yard work shirt.
01:14:40 Gets done with the yard work, he's like,
01:14:41 all right, hop in the car, we're going to the DMV.
01:14:43 And I'm like, I'm not going outside with you in that shirt.
01:14:46 I will not be seen with you in public with that shirt.
01:14:49 He's like, we're going to the fucking DMV.
01:14:51 Like, I will be dressed well for the DMV.
01:14:54 And the hottest girl I grew up with,
01:14:56 that I still kind of stay in touch with,
01:14:58 she's married to a friend,
01:14:59 was the first person we see in there.
01:15:02 - Of course.
01:15:03 - And just, he looks like a fucking hobo.
01:15:05 And I'm just like, I'm not going to say her name,
01:15:08 hey Megan, hey Kate, whatever her name is.
01:15:11 I'm not going to say it out loud,
01:15:12 but I was fucking humiliated.
01:15:15 - My mom made me get old timey photos taken way too old.
01:15:18 So I was like a straw hat, like a shovel.
01:15:20 - Big shot.
01:15:21 - And the girl I had a crush on was like
01:15:22 the intern for the photographer.
01:15:24 (laughing)
01:15:26 I was like a freshman.
01:15:27 (laughing)
01:15:29 - That's great.
01:15:29 - Yeah, I found a Meek Phil video.
01:15:31 - Oh great.
01:15:32 - I just heard you talk to him way more
01:15:34 about re-signing him next year.
01:15:35 I know you want to guarantee.
01:15:36 - What the fuck?
01:15:38 Who put this dog shit in?
01:15:40 (laughing)
01:15:42 I'm trying to record a fucking video here.
01:15:48 (laughing)
01:15:50 (laughing)
01:15:57 (coughing)
01:15:59 - Who put dog shit in?
01:16:04 - I wish there was a camera on him too.
01:16:06 (laughing)
01:16:08 - Who put this dog shit in?
01:16:11 - Great line.
01:16:12 (laughing)
01:16:14 - It was a man that put dog shit in.
01:16:17 - You came here like, dude, let's go fucking take
01:16:20 some dog shit and throw it.
01:16:22 (laughing)
01:16:25 - Plant this shit.
01:16:26 (laughing)
01:16:27 - It's like Billy Madison or something.
01:16:28 - What the fuck?
01:16:30 (laughing)
01:16:32 - That's great.
01:16:35 - It was a lot of dog shit too.
01:16:35 - I'm laughing so hard I'm sweating.
01:16:37 (laughing)
01:16:40 - Dog shit's a good one.
01:16:41 (laughing)
01:16:44 - Any, any others?
01:16:47 - There's a good one.
01:16:48 - Yeah.
01:16:49 - You're on the train, you're in public somewhere
01:16:54 and you start laughing to yourself,
01:16:55 you think of a funny story and you just look
01:16:57 like a crazy person.
01:16:58 - Laughing to yourself.
01:17:00 - Talking to yourself like when you're just.
01:17:02 - I don't do that.
01:17:03 - Randomly, I talk to myself when I cut the grass
01:17:05 or just talking about it.
01:17:06 When I'm cutting the grass I'll be like sitting there,
01:17:08 I'll find myself like mumbling shit.
01:17:10 - Oh yeah.
01:17:10 - I do that in the grocery store.
01:17:11 I talk to myself the whole way through the grocery store
01:17:13 and I keep catching myself and then I keep like just.
01:17:15 - Like stop doing that.
01:17:16 - Yeah, it's weird.
01:17:17 - Then you say that out loud.
01:17:18 - It's very weird.
01:17:19 - Yeah, yeah.
01:17:19 - Yeah.
01:17:21 - Being in the wrong seat, so like on an airplane
01:17:24 or at a stadium, you're like oh fuck
01:17:26 and then people are, you have to.
01:17:27 - I usually.
01:17:28 - I pushed back once and I was in the wrong.
01:17:30 - Yeah.
01:17:31 - Yeah.
01:17:32 - Movies is bad too.
01:17:32 - Yeah, movies is bad.
01:17:34 - There's been times where I've misinterpreted
01:17:38 a stoolie trying to joke with me
01:17:39 and I've gotten like publicly like oh, blah, blah, blah,
01:17:41 and then they're like you missed the joke,
01:17:43 look, reread it.
01:17:44 And I'm like oh my God, I'm such an asshole,
01:17:45 I'm so sorry.
01:17:46 Like taking things too personally.
01:17:48 - That's an occupational hazard.
01:17:49 - That's an occupational hazard.
01:17:50 And then my other one is when,
01:17:53 this is probably more for just me,
01:17:55 but when you're having a tough day
01:17:56 and someone asks you how you're doing
01:17:58 and you get that weird lip shake and you're like
01:17:59 (whines)
01:18:00 you start to cry.
01:18:01 When someone asks how you're doing, you start to cry.
01:18:03 - Yeah, I get that on the eyebrow.
01:18:04 - Oh yeah.
01:18:05 - Like you cannot physically hide your emotions
01:18:08 and like your face does weird shit.
01:18:10 - Yeah.
01:18:11 - Yeah.
01:18:12 - I feel awkward every time I like walk back
01:18:15 from doing a bowling frame.
01:18:18 - Oh yeah.
01:18:18 - And like there's no good way to be.
01:18:21 - That's a really good one.
01:18:21 - Even if you get like, I was feeling that a lot
01:18:24 'cause the cameras were on,
01:18:25 we were doing that bowling thing at Bolero.
01:18:28 It's fucking, it's the worst.
01:18:29 Doesn't matter if you have a strike or anything,
01:18:32 you feel weird.
01:18:33 - I always end up doing the thing that Ashley Simpson did
01:18:35 when she got caught lip syncing.
01:18:37 (laughing)
01:18:39 - Yeah, 'cause everyone's looking at you
01:18:45 and they can't do anything yet
01:18:47 and you feel like you need to entertain them.
01:18:47 - And it's like a 10 foot walk.
01:18:49 - Yeah.
01:18:50 - That's a good one.
01:18:51 - Yeah.
01:18:52 Liking an old picture on Instagram by mistake.
01:18:54 - Oh.
01:18:54 - Oh.
01:18:55 - Yes.
01:18:56 - You're like scrolling through some exes
01:18:59 and it's like June 2014 vacation picture
01:19:02 and you accidentally double tap it and you're like fuck.
01:19:04 - Why vacation pictures?
01:19:06 - 'Cause that's when women are typically less clad.
01:19:09 (laughing)
01:19:11 - He's just gonna tell you the answer.
01:19:12 - Yeah, that's why.
01:19:13 - Wordiness.
01:19:14 - Yeah, they're less clad.
01:19:16 (laughing)
01:19:17 - Dave, you got any more?
01:19:19 - All the chalk ones, like Stinky Feet.
01:19:22 Actually, this one, I get embarrassed
01:19:24 when my dog's taking a shit.
01:19:26 - You get embarrassed when your dog's shitting?
01:19:27 - Yeah, like he's arched his back,
01:19:29 he's dropping a big ass fucking dump on someone's yard
01:19:32 and they're like staring at him like,
01:19:33 I'm gonna grab it.
01:19:34 - I do feel embarrassed for the dogs
01:19:36 'cause they look like they're embarrassed.
01:19:38 - My dog hides.
01:19:40 Like if we're at the park, he'll go to like the corner
01:19:42 like by the fence by the baseball field
01:19:44 and like he'll get out of there.
01:19:45 - I, how about waking up drooling?
01:19:50 Like if he falls, like if I sleep on planes all the time.
01:19:52 - I just accept it, I'm a drooler when I sleep.
01:19:55 - Yeah, it's gross and embarrassing.
01:19:56 - It's disgusting, but.
01:19:57 - Yeah.
01:19:59 - Fellows, change your pillows for the love of God.
01:20:02 - I've actually gotten really good at that.
01:20:03 - You gotta change your pillows.
01:20:05 Pat's pillows when he moved in were like yellow, like.
01:20:08 - Oh, the actual like stained.
01:20:09 - The actual pillows.
01:20:11 If you've had the same pillow for like two years,
01:20:13 please go get a new pillow.
01:20:14 - I feel like that's about when,
01:20:16 I feel like I just got new ones like four months ago.
01:20:19 - We're looking.
01:20:20 - I feel like that's the sign of becoming like an adult
01:20:22 for a man is when you regularly change out stuff
01:20:24 like your pillows and you actually wash your sheets.
01:20:26 You have a headboard instead of just a mattress
01:20:29 and box screen on the ground.
01:20:30 - Shout out Mook.
01:20:31 - Big shout out Mook.
01:20:32 - Wait, why are we shouting out Mook?
01:20:33 - He just plays as a mattress on the ground.
01:20:35 - He sleeps on the ground.
01:20:36 - Not until I was like 29 years old.
01:20:38 - He just moved here though, he's gonna get a pillow, right?
01:20:39 - No.
01:20:39 - Yeah, I mean I have a bed frame.
01:20:41 - He's gonna get one, right?
01:20:42 That's just a moving thing, right?
01:20:43 - No, I don't think, I think Mook's is different.
01:20:45 - I would like to grow the balls
01:20:46 to be the headboard-less human moving forward though.
01:20:51 I'm just not quite there yet.
01:20:52 - I saw something, I think it was on Instagram,
01:20:54 where someone had made like a little bed frame
01:20:57 out of like those wood pallets.
01:20:58 - Those look cool.
01:20:59 - I'm like, this looks cool.
01:21:00 The girl I was seeing at the time was like, you, no.
01:21:02 Like you cannot do that.
01:21:03 I was like, okay, I guess that's that.
01:21:05 - Also girls don't like navy blue sheets.
01:21:08 - No.
01:21:09 - You have to go white.
01:21:09 - Let me tell you.
01:21:10 - Yeah, I've heard that but I never understood
01:21:13 what the problem was.
01:21:13 - You can see a lot of things
01:21:15 on a navy blue sheet, my friend.
01:21:17 - Yeah, but if you're changing them.
01:21:18 - Yeah, just wash them.
01:21:19 - Like my sheets are gray.
01:21:20 I feel like that's the same.
01:21:21 - I feel like fellas shed a lot.
01:21:22 You can see all their skin.
01:21:24 - No, no, no, no, no.
01:21:24 You guys shed a lot.
01:21:25 - You can see.
01:21:26 - Girls shed more.
01:21:27 - Our shedding is cute.
01:21:28 It's like, oh, cute long hairs.
01:21:29 It's like, I don't wanna see.
01:21:30 - It clogs the shower.
01:21:31 - Yeah.
01:21:32 - Jizz or whatever.
01:21:33 - I'm not sleeping in jizz sheets.
01:21:36 - I don't know what you guys do.
01:21:37 Babe, wipe us.
01:21:39 (laughing)
01:21:39 - Wipe me.
01:21:41 - Can we do an episode of "Room Raiders"
01:21:43 with a UV light in your place?
01:21:45 - Yeah.
01:21:46 - Yeah?
01:21:46 - Have you seen his original Cribs video?
01:21:49 What year did he do that?
01:21:49 - Oh, that was like--
01:21:50 - That was a great video.
01:21:51 - That was COVID, right?
01:21:52 - 2018, probably.
01:21:54 - Oh, but were you doing before?
01:21:55 - Maybe.
01:21:56 We gotta get a van though and like rip him out.
01:21:58 - Yeah, I'm like, yeah.
01:22:00 - Room Raiders, yeah.
01:22:02 - Gotta do it that way.
01:22:03 You got any more, Nick?
01:22:04 - I don't think so.
01:22:05 - No?
01:22:06 Turned ankle.
01:22:07 - Mispronouncing a word when you're trying to sound smart.
01:22:11 - That's the Eddie.
01:22:12 - Yeah.
01:22:12 - Although you don't get embarrassed by that.
01:22:13 You mispronounce words more than--
01:22:15 - It happens, I don't know.
01:22:16 - I read a lot, but I don't say the words out loud.
01:22:18 And so when I try to and it's just way off--
01:22:20 - What was Porto doing on that call yesterday?
01:22:22 - Misegenic?
01:22:22 - Misegenic.
01:22:24 - I said Andre Agassi once.
01:22:27 Yeah, it was horrible and it haunts me.
01:22:29 I said it on the yak.
01:22:30 - You shower not taking.
01:22:33 - I just recently found out it's sopressata.
01:22:36 I always called it sopressta.
01:22:38 - Sopressta.
01:22:39 - My entire life, yes.
01:22:40 - Wow.
01:22:41 - That's Hank.
01:22:41 - I called it sopressta my entire life until a month ago.
01:22:46 - And nobody stopped you.
01:22:47 - No one said, no one batted an eye.
01:22:49 - There's a part in my take where Hank is reading OBGYN,
01:22:53 but he's like the OBGYN, the Obst-OBGYN, the OBGYN.
01:22:57 Yeah, he has like no idea.
01:22:59 - Is that an acronym?
01:23:01 - OBGYN, yes.
01:23:02 - It certainly is, yes.
01:23:04 - Obstinatrogenics.
01:23:05 - Yeah, exactly.
01:23:06 - Yeah, I'll fuck it up too.
01:23:07 Shame on me.
01:23:08 Shame on me.
01:23:10 All right, then, I'll name them through
01:23:12 and then we'll vote who was the worst
01:23:13 and we'll get out of here.
01:23:15 Nick, something in your teeth,
01:23:17 getting someone's name wrong,
01:23:19 unflattering photo of self-posted,
01:23:21 stomach making a loud noise in public,
01:23:23 joke not landing,
01:23:25 Eddie tripping when you think someone's waving to you,
01:23:28 butt crack hanging out,
01:23:29 sweating too much,
01:23:30 staining shirt at dinner,
01:23:32 chief card getting declined,
01:23:34 spilling drink at a table,
01:23:36 being slow at basic math,
01:23:37 not being able to catch your breath,
01:23:39 accidentally touching someone's hand,
01:23:41 White Sox Dave,
01:23:42 fly being down,
01:23:43 booger hanging when someone walks in on you,
01:23:45 taking a dump,
01:23:46 (laughing)
01:23:48 spitting when talking,
01:23:50 happy birthday being sung to you,
01:23:52 Kate, dog won't stop sniffing your crotch,
01:23:55 struggling to parallel park in front of people,
01:23:57 major toddler meltdown in public,
01:23:59 when people know you're shitting,
01:24:02 and letting a fart slip is last.
01:24:04 - Damn, these are all really good.
01:24:05 - Yeah, they're all tough.
01:24:06 - Yeah.
01:24:08 - Mm.
01:24:09 I feel like--
01:24:12 - Fuck.
01:24:13 - Okay.
01:24:19 All right, Nick, who you got?
01:24:25 - Wait, what'd you say?
01:24:26 - I got three.
01:24:27 - Three, so chief?
01:24:29 - Chief, that's me.
01:24:30 - Damn. - Ooh.
01:24:31 - I feel like you threw a lot of compliments after picks,
01:24:32 I guess I was just disingenuous.
01:24:33 - I was gaslighting.
01:24:36 - No, hearing them all back,
01:24:37 they're all fucking good.
01:24:37 - They're all really good. - All really good.
01:24:38 - It's a tough one.
01:24:39 - I'm going one.
01:24:40 - Damn. - Yeah.
01:24:41 - One.
01:24:42 - Eddie, two.
01:24:44 - I had Ed.
01:24:45 - I had myself, too.
01:24:46 - Wow.
01:24:47 - I had myself. - Wow.
01:24:48 - Honorable.
01:24:49 - Tripping is just a powerhouse, though.
01:24:50 - Yes, yes, yes. - I couldn't feel away
01:24:51 from tripping.
01:24:52 - Yeah, and it was tough.
01:24:53 I don't take the votes personally.
01:24:56 - I hate that I think Dave won.
01:24:57 - I think it's two team race between those two.
01:25:00 - Yeah? - Yeah.
01:25:02 - People walking in on you shitting, and then--
01:25:04 - See, I think that's his worst pick, though.
01:25:06 - Really? - Yeah.
01:25:07 - Yeah, 'cause I think it's the inverse.
01:25:09 - Birthday really resonated. - Birthday was good.
01:25:11 Birthday was strong, yeah.
01:25:12 All right, guys, so this was fun.
01:25:15 - Yeah. - It was really fun.
01:25:16 - Yeah.
01:25:17 - I'm gonna be super paranoid the rest of the day.
01:25:19 Any one of those things could happen to us at any moment.
01:25:21 - Probably was it.
01:25:22 - Very cool. - Can we send Harry
01:25:23 those videos to just stitch 'em in?
01:25:25 - Yeah, of course, of course.
01:25:27 All right, everybody, thank you for listening.
01:25:29 Thanks for watching.
01:25:30 We'll be back tomorrow.
01:25:30 We'll see you then.
01:25:31 (whooshing)
01:25:34 (whooshing)