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It's the big one! He's back baby and not just on WWE Backstage! Here's how Adam would book CM Punk's WWE return.
#CMPunk #WWE #FantasyBooking
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It's the big one! He's back baby and not just on WWE Backstage! Here's how Adam would book CM Punk's WWE return.
#CMPunk #WWE #FantasyBooking
SUBSCRIBE TO partsFUNknown: https://bit.ly/2J2Hl6q
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/partsfunknown
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/partsfunknown/
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00:00 It's as simple as this, just when they think they've got the answers, I change the what
00:05 culture.
00:06 What does that mean?
00:07 That doesn't mean anything, but people get overexcited about stuff coming back, regardless
00:11 of the personal feelings involved or whether that thing still really has a place there.
00:15 Ding!
00:16 Hello, I'm Adam, hailing from partsFUNknown, and welcome to how Adam would book the return
00:21 to WWE of CM Punk, CM Punk, CM Punk, CM Punk, CM Punk, CM Punk, CM.
00:31 It gets annoying after a while.
00:33 Tricky one, this, because honestly, I don't think Punk should return to WWE.
00:39 First of all, I don't think he'd be happy there, at least not with Vince still around.
00:42 If you have the luxury to not work somewhere that you don't think would make you happy,
00:47 nine times out of ten, it's a good idea to not do that.
00:52 Second, right now, at the age of 42, with over seven years out of the game, the biggest
00:57 weapon in Punk's arsenal is that he's not around.
01:01 He quit in his prime.
01:03 How many wrestlers can say that?
01:04 His aura of being gone, his Schrodinger's Punk sensation of being both the hero, who
01:10 definitely will absolutely save wrestling, an anarchist symbol whose name is wielded
01:14 to send a message to the powerful, or a despicable villain who turned his back on the fans, all
01:19 of that sensation goes away as soon as he comes back and feuds with The Miz for 20 straight
01:24 weeks.
01:25 Honestly, and this will set me out as an AEW mark, and I haven't been bought and paid
01:29 for by Tony Khan, I've been bought and paid for by Surfshark, thank you very much, which
01:33 we'll get to.
01:34 Honestly, the best way that I think Punk can contribute to wrestling right now is to go
01:40 to AEW.
01:41 Gift them that huge attention grabbing moment to build them up even more and put the pressure
01:47 on WWE to f***ing improve.
01:50 Also Punk vs. MJF would be good, thank you.
01:52 It is a tricky one, but this topic was chosen by our Patrons, Patreon.com/partsfunknown
01:58 and I have sworn an oath of fealty to them, so I shall book it, but first, the Who the
02:03 Hell is CM Punk Super Fun Roundup 2021 brought to you by Surfshark.
02:09 How many CM Punk references can I crowbar into a promotional spot?
02:13 Let's count the ways.
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03:16 Do I have everybody's attention now?
03:19 So CM Punk had five main stages in his WWE life.
03:23 First of all, he was cool mid-carder punk, debuting in WWE ECW in 2006, quickly becoming
03:29 the only thing on the brand that even slightly resembled the once one-stop shop for extreme
03:35 charismatic indie darlings.
03:37 After a few attempts, he won the WWE ECW championship, which is and always will be a mid-card title,
03:44 before winning the Money in the Bank briefcase and being drafted to Raw in 2008.
03:49 Then began the era of championship misery punk, where he won the World Heavyweight Championship
03:56 twice and both times.
03:58 Well, each reign had their own problems.
04:01 Reign one was a f***ing straight up disaster.
04:04 He pinned Edge for the belt, his defense against Batista at the Great American Bash ended in
04:11 double DQ, he retained against JBL of all people at Summerslam, and then lost it at
04:16 Unforgiven being kicked in the head, which meant he was stripped of the belt before he
04:21 even had a chance to compete in the championship scramble match to defend it, leaving the only
04:26 nice thing about that reign is that it lasted 69 days.
04:30 His second reign in 2009 was a bit better, he won it again using Money in the Bank from
04:34 Jeff Hardy.
04:35 Punk Hardy was feud of the year and gave a straight edge asshole punk, but then he was
04:39 regularly humiliated by The Undertaker, thanks for coming.
04:42 But Punk did stay straight edge, morphing into Charles Manson Punk, a purity obsessed cult
04:49 leader who turned Festus into Luke Gallows, thank you for that, and introduced the world
04:54 to Serena Deeb, thank you for that.
04:56 He also did cool things like shave audience members heads and sing happy birthday to Rey
05:00 Mysterio's daughter.
05:01 Punk would then downgrade factions, becoming the boss of the New Nexus, which is about
05:05 as prestigious as being the boss of a zoo that calls itself a zoo, but it's actually
05:08 a box full of dead squirrels.
05:10 However one pipe bomb later we got certified main eventer Punk who won the WWE title at
05:17 one of the greatest WWE pay per views of all time, this one, and had a run of excellent
05:22 matches against Cena, none of which he won clean, but then lost the title at Summerslam,
05:27 lost to Triple H, don't know why.
05:30 He won the WWE title, holding it for 434 days, but only main eventing 5 pay per views, which
05:36 you know, more than AJ Styles got, bad luck idiot, and then they went with John Cena vs
05:41 The Rock for two straight WrestleMania main events, didn't put CM Punk in the main event
05:44 of Mania 29 even though he super super wanted it, and after a combination of things like
05:49 misdiagnosing a staph infection, booking him against Triple H at Mania, again not in the
05:54 main event, he became Cheerio motherfuckers Punk, going home after the Royal Rumble in
05:59 2014 with all hopes of reconciliation seemingly dashed when the company accidentally fired
06:05 him on his wedding day, again, why wouldn't he want to work there?
06:09 But work there, he must.
06:12 WWE, do it better.
06:19 I mean, it's easy innit?
06:21 Just have him come back, put him in some high profile matches, main events some pay per
06:25 views against stars that have been made in his absence, don't have him do embarrassing
06:30 shit, and make some money.
06:32 Alright, goodnight everybody!
06:39 Ok fine, look I wasn't even really joking, like don't get me wrong, at it's day to day
06:44 level running episodic wrestling television is really hard, I've tried it, but honestly
06:50 booking marquee talent, talent that's already over, isn't.
06:56 Make a fight you want to sell, know what that fight is, don't give away the fight you want
07:00 to sell on TV, build anticipation to the fight by introducing personal stakes that don't
07:06 diminish either star, pay per view, repeat.
07:09 You don't have to come up with a huge invasion angle, or a huge new faction for CM Punk,
07:15 or a massive convoluted infinity war style crossover story to make money off a CM Punk
07:20 return.
07:21 It's f*** CM Punk.
07:22 So look, here's what I would do, I'm going to run through one general overarching storyline,
07:28 cover about a year of WWE programming featuring CM Punk being back, a string of pay per view
07:33 matches to sell, why I've chosen specific opponents based on Punk's history, what his
07:37 character would likely be after all this time away, and the general professional relationship
07:42 between Punk and WWE.
07:44 And if you want more than that, right here, here it is.
07:52 That's for you to keep.
07:53 So we actually start at Survivor Series this year, Survivor Series 2021, and WWE are doing
07:58 what WWE does, which is mark an arbitrary anniversary with a celebration to pop a rating
08:04 rather than make the show must-see based on events of previous television.
08:08 I'm being cheeky, but it's also what they do all the time.
08:11 This celebration?
08:12 25 years of The Rock.
08:15 25 years of the eyebrow-beating, pie-raising, jabroni-eating, most electronic man in all
08:22 of sponk-center-tauntment, Dwayne "The Dwayne" Dwayne.
08:27 Comes out, sets his name on fire, gives, I don't know, AJ Styles a rock bottom, because
08:32 that's what they do.
08:33 He gets on a live mic to address the millions of The Rock's fans.
08:38 Out comes still-Universal Champion Roman Reigns.
08:42 No, I'm the head of the table.
08:44 Dog, Spear, Concerto, goodbye to The Rock for a bit.
08:49 Fast forward to the Royal Rumble, Universal Championship match, Roman versus, while we're
08:56 making stuff up, Big E. What about that push?
09:00 Did you forget, WWE?
09:02 You forgot, didn't you?
09:03 Roman wins as he's celebrating.
09:05 The Rock returns, gives Roman the rock bottom, points at the WrestleMania sign, bangs his
09:11 chest, probably.
09:12 It's going to be Rock vs. Roman at Mania.
09:14 Later in the night, though, the main event, the Men's Royal Rumble match at number 30
09:19 returns.
09:20 Do do do do do do do do do do do.
09:23 Boom boom.
09:24 Do do do do do do do.
09:25 Yeah, look, a Royal Rumble return is basic, but also really fun.
09:31 CM Punk wins the Royal Rumble, his first Royal Rumble, I might add, punching his ticket to
09:37 Mania.
09:38 So what is CM Punk like now that he's back?
09:40 I know a lot of people are going to want the old CM Punk back, cool babyface Punk with
09:44 cool babyface promos, but look, mutton chop babyface Punk is not the most interesting
09:49 version of him.
09:50 In fact, it might be the least interesting version of CM Punk.
09:53 There's going to be a lot of fan support for him whenever he does come back, and I'm not
09:56 saying you should try and fly in the face of that immediately, but you can't just ignore
10:01 everything that's happened in the last seven years and what that would do to a person.
10:05 What would it be like to come back to a company after such a split?
10:09 Reasons why you left.
10:11 Some of them, namely that millionaire who should be a billionaire and his doofus son-in-law
10:16 are still very much around.
10:18 I want CM Punk to be angry all the time, but the kind of anger that poisons you.
10:24 So the journey starts off with, yeah, you tell him CM Punk and ends with, oh no, CM
10:30 Punk's gone crazy.
10:31 At the very top of the first Raw after the Rumble, WWE announced that The Rock will go
10:35 one-on-one with Roman Reigns to headline WrestleMania 38.
10:40 The main event of that same Raw will be CM Punk addressing the fans for the first time
10:44 in what by this point will be eight years.
10:48 The moment comes, Punk sits cross-legged in the middle of the ring and says, "I have been
10:53 back for one day, one day, and Dwayne is in the main event of WrestleMania again."
11:01 This company, this is what they do.
11:03 They lure you in, they place a contract in front of you, they throw money at you, and
11:07 oh yes, it was a ridiculous amount of money by the way, but nothing ever changes.
11:12 We'll never fear because right now I have more power in this company than I ever had,
11:16 and that's not because of you, by the way, chanting CM Punk, it's because I won the Royal
11:23 Rumble, which means I get the title shot of my choosing and I will be in the main event
11:29 of WrestleMania because that is what I am owed.
11:32 It's going to be Rock versus Roman versus CM Punk because that's the CM Punk I'm interested
11:40 in seeing.
11:41 CM Punk, who after all this time, after hating WWE, having received a ton of backlash from
11:46 the fans about it, doesn't care about anyone.
11:50 Doesn't care about the fact that Roman versus The Rock one-on-one is the money match, makes
11:54 the most sense, has the better story.
11:56 Doesn't care about that.
11:57 He's going to ruin it because he doesn't care, and he can.
12:03 Out comes Triple H. Triple H and Punk, face to face, one of the reasons why Punk left.
12:10 Triple H says, "I told him this would happen.
12:13 I knew this would happen."
12:15 Punk, welcome back.
12:16 The WWE champion will gladly fight you at WrestleMania.
12:20 The Rock versus Roman is going ahead as planned, and if you don't like it, you can take your
12:24 ball and go home, and we'll carry on just like we did last time.
12:31 Punk raises the microphone to his mouth, smashes Triple H in the face with it, wails on him,
12:37 hits him with the GTS, and leaves him lying, saying, "Maybe I will see you around.
12:43 Maybe."
12:44 And then we don't see CM Punk again for weeks, because I wouldn't want to see him every week.
12:49 He's a special attraction now.
12:51 They're hard to get.
12:52 Keep him as one.
12:53 And besides, it's almost a game now.
12:56 Fans versus Punk.
12:57 He baits them.
12:58 They wait for him.
13:00 Keep playing that game.
13:01 Let them chant in vain, because he doesn't care about them.
13:06 In storyline, I'm sure he loves each and every one of you very dearly in real life.
13:11 In the meantime, WWE keeps promoting WrestleMania 38's main event as being Rock versus Roman
13:15 one-on-one, and people have no idea what's happening with Punk.
13:19 Before Fastlane, Punk returns, reiterating it will be him versus Rock versus Roman at
13:24 WrestleMania.
13:25 He says he knows what everyone's thinking.
13:26 It's going to be him versus Triple H. He says he's got no problem kicking Triple H's ass,
13:31 but he'll do it on his terms.
13:33 How about Fastlane?
13:34 We've got that show coming up, right?
13:36 Not a stage big enough for Triple H, but if he's willing to put his ego aside, I'll fight
13:40 him there.
13:41 However, Triple H doesn't answer his challenge.
13:44 Seth Rollins does.
13:45 See way back when Punk first appeared on WWE Backstage, Rollins was straight in there with
13:50 the "Fight me CM Punk" tweet.
13:52 And he's straight in there now.
13:54 It's also worth pointing out that we don't see Triple H on TV at any point this year.
13:59 I will tell you when we next see him.
14:01 Punk versus Rollins is set for Fastlane, his first match back.
14:05 I'd like to see it.
14:06 Don't know about you.
14:08 Punk wins, of course.
14:09 On Smackdown after Fastlane, Punk again announces he will be in the main event of Mania, and
14:14 this time, Paul Heyman walks out to meet him.
14:19 Paul raises the microphone to his mouth, and Punk just attacks him.
14:23 No words.
14:24 Decimates Paul Heyman without saying one thing, and leaves.
14:28 Roman then answers the challenge.
14:31 It's on.
14:32 Rock, Roman, Punk.
14:34 Promos before Mania focus on Punk's anger that Roman's always been the guy, or that
14:38 The Rock can just waltz in and take his spot whenever he wants.
14:41 The Rock harkens back to the time he beat Punk.
14:44 Twice.
14:45 The Rock and Roman have their personal beef.
14:46 There's a lot of stuff to work with, arguably too much, but hey, The Rock's 49, Punk will
14:51 be 43 by then, and also, Triple Threat main events of WrestleMania rule with no exceptions.
14:58 So eat it.
14:59 WrestleMania rolls around because it's in Texas.
15:01 Please have a backstage promo with Austin and Punk, with Punk reminding Austin that
15:05 he took his ball and went home once.
15:08 Does he remember that?
15:09 Then the main event, the Triple Threat, and CM Punk pins The Rock to become Universal
15:15 Champion.
15:16 So, we've got Punk as champion, we've got an overarching story now to build over the
15:20 coming year, and then the rest of the booking is create some feuds that would really suit
15:24 Punk's strengths and ship some tickets.
15:27 See all of this is still not enough for Punk.
15:28 He's champion, he got what he wanted, main event of WrestleMania, but now he knows the
15:32 company is going to screw him somehow.
15:36 He's paranoid, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
15:38 He says he'll show up to defend the title, but only when it's guaranteed he's the main
15:43 event of the pay-per-view.
15:44 They're not going to put my title reign in the middle of the card like last time.
15:46 He works just slightly more than a part-time schedule.
15:50 Don't like it?
15:51 Doesn't matter, jerks.
15:52 I'm the champion.
15:53 Chart my name.
15:54 See how far that gets you.
15:55 Punk feuds with Reigns, but retains owing to miscommunication from the Usos, which leads
15:59 to Roman turning on them, which will lead to Rock coming back down the road.
16:03 Punk then feuds with Kevin Owens, because I want those promos.
16:07 I don't want them bad.
16:08 Both are anti-heroes, both have a history of hating the McMahon family, but KO never
16:14 left.
16:15 They're comparative histories in Ring of Honor.
16:17 There's a lot to draw on there.
16:19 Punk versus Owens at Money in the Bank.
16:21 Punk retains, and we head into SummerSlam, where you can do the Rock vs. Roman singles
16:25 match if you really wanna.
16:27 I mean, it would be fun, wouldn't it?
16:29 With the Universal title match being CM Punk vs. if he's back in the company by this point,
16:35 Daniel Bryan.
16:36 Because I want it.
16:37 I want it.
16:38 But if Bryan's left and hasn't come back, first of all, good for you.
16:41 And second of all, I will very gladly take Punk vs. Edge.
16:45 That would also be okay.
16:47 As his reign goes on, Punk gets more and more unhinged.
16:51 His hair grows longer.
16:52 He starts to give off a real Howard Hughes vibe, clutching the title close to him, seeing
16:56 people out to get him at every turn.
16:58 He's been betrayed by everyone he's ever loved.
17:00 He misses more and more time from weekly programming.
17:04 His next feud is against Cesaro at Survivor Series, and for God's sake, pull the trigger
17:09 on Cesaro.
17:10 Punk would be the perfect guy to put Tony over.
17:13 Both guys are intrinsically linked with this brass ring of management narrative.
17:16 Cesaro respects Punk because he overcame that system, but also Punk has become a detriment
17:20 to the only thing that Cesaro loves more than clocks and chocolate, and that's wrestling.
17:25 Cesaro beats Punk, becomes the Universal Champion, when Triple H makes his return and clatters
17:32 Punk with a sledgehammer, which sends Punk's mania into overdrive.
17:37 And now he's the one that wants Triple H. And over the next few months, it gets way
17:41 too personal.
17:43 Punk lays out Vince with the GTS, hospitalizes Shane, and at one point, have a segment where
17:48 AJ Lee comes back to help Punk attack Stephanie McMahon.
17:52 All this real life and kayfabe mixing together, all that hatred builds to Punk vs. Triple
17:59 H at Mania 39, career vs. career.
18:03 Whoever loses walks away from the ring forever, and it's just too much fun.
18:10 One of the straws that broke the camel's back in 2014 being the end point of this story,
18:15 Triple H vs. Punk at Mania.
18:17 Of course, CM Punk wins, and Triple H retires because… it's retiring time.
18:25 And that's how I would book CM Punk's return to WWE.
18:30 Did you hate it?
18:31 Or did you like it?
18:32 Let me know in the comments, don't forget to like and share this video around if you
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18:47 Thanks for watching everyone, see you for the next one.
18:49 Jam that jam.