The Graham Norton Show S31 EP 2 S31E02 video Dailymotion2
The Graham Norton Show S31 EP 2 S31E02 video Dailymotion2
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00:00 Hello! Good evening, everybody.
00:03 You are all so welcome to the show.
00:06 Everyone feeling good?
00:07 CHEERING
00:09 As one day spoke, I know I am.
00:11 I tell you, I've got so many guests on my sofa tonight,
00:14 but not as many as this dog has tennis balls in his mouth.
00:17 LAUGHTER
00:19 Oh, come on!
00:21 Look at that, that is thinly!
00:23 You know, thinly!
00:24 Now, that is not just a dog with tennis balls in his mouth.
00:27 That, I'll tell you, is the Guinness World Record holder
00:31 for six tennis balls in his mouth.
00:33 Who's a good boy?
00:34 LAUGHTER
00:36 Listen, we've got a great line-up tonight.
00:37 Top comedy, top music, a top boy,
00:40 and one of the top songwriters of all time.
00:42 So let's get some guests on!
00:44 CHEERING
00:46 Later, we'll have music from French superstar Christine
00:49 and the Queens!
00:50 CHEERING
00:52 But first, she's a top comic and a strictly champion debut,
00:55 it's Mr Bill Bailey!
00:57 CHEERING
00:59 Oh!
01:01 Oh, still so... Oh, oh!
01:03 Still so limber!
01:04 Oh, oh!
01:05 Ashley Gill!
01:08 He's a rapper, actor, director,
01:10 now starring in the final series of hit drama Top Boy.
01:13 It's Ashley Walters!
01:15 CHEERING
01:17 Hey!
01:19 Hello!
01:20 Lovely to see you.
01:21 Have a seat, Gill.
01:22 Ashley Walters.
01:24 And she's one of our finest comedy performers,
01:27 now preparing to scare us on the stage in the Enfield halting,
01:30 it's Catherine Tate!
01:32 CHEERING
01:34 Woo!
01:36 Woo!
01:37 Hello!
01:38 What a lovely...
01:40 Meet them, meet them.
01:42 And he's an Oscar-winning music legend,
01:46 who, together with Elton John,
01:48 has penned some of the greatest songs of all time.
01:52 Please welcome Mr Bernie Taupin!
01:55 CHEERING
01:57 Hello, sir. Hello.
01:59 Lovely to see you.
02:00 Meet everybody, Bernie, the representative.
02:02 Pleased to have a seat, Gill.
02:04 CHEERING
02:06 Welcome, welcome, welcome.
02:08 Nice to see you all.
02:10 Welcome to the show. Nice to be here.
02:12 Am I the only one with the alcoholic drink?
02:14 Cheers. Cheers.
02:16 LAUGHTER
02:18 So, now, here's the thing.
02:20 I mean, welcome to the show.
02:22 Bernie, such a famous name,
02:24 but we're not used to hearing you or seeing you.
02:27 Are you enjoying this, stepping into the spotlight
02:30 and telling people about your life?
02:32 Is this where I freeze?
02:34 Yeah, freeze off to cry. Have a nosebleed.
02:36 No, this is fabulous. I mean, I've been doing this all week,
02:39 so it's nothing...
02:40 I mean, I've not done anything quite as spectacular as this,
02:43 I might add. Wow.
02:45 But, uh...
02:47 You're changing your publicist.
02:49 I actually always thought I'd be perfect
02:51 for one of those American Express commercials.
02:54 You know, you don't know my name, but you know my music.
02:57 Oh, yes. Yeah.
02:59 That would be quite... Actually, do you get that with your credit cards?
03:02 Yeah, but that's the way I mainly get recognised now.
03:05 Back in the early days, people saw my picture on album covers.
03:09 Obviously, I'm somewhat older now.
03:12 I wasn't going to say a thing, Bernie.
03:14 The recognition factor isn't high,
03:17 but, yes, the name on the credit card helps a great deal.
03:20 I'm sure the colour of the card helps as well.
03:23 Do you know what? I've just remembered the most dreadful time
03:28 when I was recognised. Oh, go.
03:30 When my show first came out, I went to have a smear test.
03:35 Oh! This is true.
03:38 Why are you looking at me?
03:43 Which you did use to job about, you poor, poor top boy.
03:47 We know you've got that medical degree.
03:49 And while I was getting my smear test,
03:55 and I don't know how she made the connection...
03:58 ..she realised it was me and started laughing, right?
04:03 Wow. And I'm just hearing...
04:06 SHE LAUGHS
04:08 I've got my legs in syrups. Yes.
04:10 And I'm like, "Is everything all right?" And she's like...
04:13 "Is my vagina boffered?"
04:15 LAUGHTER
04:17 "Is my vagina boffed?" I mean...
04:21 I can't mum that, can you? It's not right.
04:24 It's a first-time welcome to Ashley. Hello.
04:27 Thank you very much for having me.
04:29 Yeah. Congratulations on the success of Top Boy,
04:32 going into the final season. Thank you.
04:34 And I just wonder, when you're out and about now,
04:36 do people call you Ashley or is it always DeShane, your character?
04:40 DeShane, yeah. Always? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:42 I've started, like, introducing myself as DeShane.
04:45 Just to get it out of the way. Yeah.
04:47 Sorry, it's time. Yeah.
04:49 What was it then? You were in a restaurant with your kids, I think.
04:52 Yeah, so I have an ego, if you didn't know.
04:55 And I was in a restaurant with my two girls,
04:59 and the waiter came over and said, "Card or cash?"
05:04 And I thought he said, "Wa-guan-ash."
05:07 So...
05:08 He had his hand out to get the bill paid,
05:11 and I kind of gave him a fist pump.
05:14 Yeah, it was all a bit mad.
05:16 That is... That can be embarrassing.
05:18 That actually happened to me. Somebody came to the door with a parcel,
05:21 you know, and he opened the door and there was a package,
05:24 and he said, "Can I get a photo?"
05:26 And I went, "Yeah, sure."
05:28 And he went... "Of the package?"
05:31 "Yeah, yeah, of course. Thank you, thank you, sir."
05:34 It's not just me. No, no, no.
05:36 That happens, you know.
05:38 Right, let's get started tonight with Bernie Taupin.
05:41 Oh, now, by the way, before I say another thing,
05:44 am I saying your name right? Because in the book...
05:46 Yes, you've got it absolutely correct.
05:48 But now, you say Frank Sinatra was the only person
05:50 to ever say your name right, and he didn't say Bernie Taupin.
05:53 No, he said Taupin. He introduced me on stage as Bernie Taupin,
05:57 which is my original French name,
05:59 and he was the only person, I think, in my entire career
06:02 that ever pronounced it that way.
06:04 So is it too late to change?
06:06 In fact, I didn't even know it was pronounced that way until Frank...
06:09 And if Frank says it, that's your name.
06:12 OK, so I can say Bernie Taupin. Excellent.
06:14 OK, all right. The book is called Scattershot -
06:17 Life, Music, Elton and Me, and it is out now in Harbour Back.
06:21 And I have to say, what surprised me the most about this book
06:24 was because I always had this vision that Bernie Taupin...
06:27 You lived in seclusion, occasionally faxing a lyric to Sir Elton,
06:31 but you lived the life.
06:33 I mean, it is very rock and roll, there's drugs, alcohol,
06:36 it's all going on in here. All the good stuff. Yeah.
06:39 All the good stuff. Yeah.
06:40 Yeah, I mean, I lived the same life as all of my contemporaries,
06:43 it's just that I lived it in the background.
06:47 So... And the...
06:49 ..the sort of urban myths are rife about how we wrote
06:53 in the first place and how we write now.
06:56 And it has changed over time, absolutely.
06:59 I mean, in the late '60s, when we first met,
07:03 we actually shared a bedroom in his mother's apartment
07:08 in Northwood Hills.
07:11 That almost sounds glamorous.
07:13 An apartment in the Northwood Hills!
07:15 Yes, in the Northwood Hills, yes, in Pinner.
07:18 In the suburbs of glamorous London.
07:21 Yes. Yes.
07:23 Yeah, and we had bunk beds, those old bunk beds that are sort of
07:28 all put together, you know, you stack them on top of each other
07:31 and the mattress is about that thick
07:34 and they sort of have chain hammocks underneath them.
07:37 And so I was on the top bunk and he was on the bottom bunk
07:41 and at that time, everybody was wearing caftans and bells
07:45 and what he would do at night, he would put all his jewellery
07:49 on the side of the...hang it on the top of the bed next to my head.
07:54 So during the night, any movement and there'd be these bells swinging,
07:58 you know, so in the middle of the night,
08:00 I'd be just throwing them off the side of the bed.
08:03 But, yes, it was fairly Spartan conditions, definitely.
08:07 But you mentioned that writing process with Elton
08:09 and I've tried to talk to him about it a few times,
08:12 but essentially it seems very simple,
08:14 like you never explain your lyrics to him.
08:17 Well, not if they're not self-explanatory at the time.
08:22 I mean, some of them make sense,
08:24 some of them are slightly more esoteric, obviously.
08:27 But, no, I mean, when we get to the...
08:30 He never really writes until he gets to the studio.
08:33 So he will take what I've given him in the studio
08:36 and basically put it on top of the piano and just sift through it
08:39 and certain things will appeal to him, like a title,
08:43 or he'll check out the first line of a chorus
08:46 and that might spark something inside him.
08:48 But he never really questions what the songs are about
08:51 until we've actually recorded them,
08:53 so he doesn't really question anything till later in the day.
08:56 I mean, it's a fascinating process.
08:58 Tell you what we've got, we've got a little clip,
09:00 I think this is from 1971, and it's a clip of the two of you,
09:04 you and Elton, talking about this,
09:06 and he's literally just finished composing Tiny Dancer.
09:11 Look at this.
09:12 Reg has to write very fast because he can't sort of...
09:14 He hasn't got the patience to sort of spend hours or days on something.
09:18 I mean, that's Reg.
09:20 Yeah, I mean, you look at it, the words,
09:22 "Blue Jean Baby, L.A. Lady, Seamstress of the Bad,
09:25 "Pretty Eyed Pirate Smile, You Marry a Music Man, Ballerina."
09:28 As soon as he gets the word "ballerina", you know it's not going to be fast,
09:32 it's got to be sort of gentle and quite slow.
09:35 So, I mean, the way it's written here is it's a verse,
09:38 it's a chorus, or a mid-late and a chorus, then another verse.
09:42 I just sort of ran it through and put two verses together,
09:45 then a mid-late, then a chorus, and then back to the verse sort of thing.
09:49 It happens very quickly, it sounds long, but it sort of starts off...
09:54 # Blue Jean Baby
09:57 # L.A. Lady
10:00 # Seamstress for the bad... #
10:04 I mean, you're amazing.
10:06 You're the best. You're my favourite.
10:09 I have to say that I wasn't terribly eloquent back then, was I?
10:14 Or going to a good hairdresser, I would say.
10:17 LAUGHTER
10:19 That fringe... That fringe is something to be...
10:23 "Hence, hence this."
10:26 "I didn't lose my hair, I just wanted it gone."
10:30 Yeah, it ran off.
10:32 I'm still envious, though, of that.
10:35 You'd take it, wouldn't you? I'd take that, yeah.
10:38 I'm rocking the skullet, I call it.
10:41 But also, isn't it amazing to think that's your favourite song?
10:46 So much.
10:47 And you sort of in your head, you imagine that song has existed forever,
10:51 and yet there it was. Yeah.
10:53 Well, they definitely have legs, they seem to keep coming back,
10:56 which is, for me, the beauty of them.
10:58 They seem to be timeless, which I really appreciate.
11:01 And talk to us about Candle In The Wind.
11:03 I found that really interesting in the book,
11:05 Elton singing that song at Diana's funeral. Right.
11:07 And at the time, I don't know about you, I just thought,
11:09 "Oh, Elton's rewritten it." But of course he hadn't.
11:11 You did those new lyrics.
11:13 Right, well, the thing was, he'd called me up
11:16 and was very close to Diana,
11:18 and the thing was, I was not much of a royalist.
11:20 I live in the United States, so the royal family
11:23 and the whole sort of pantomime of the hounding of Diana
11:29 didn't really resonate with me, but obviously I was sympathetic.
11:33 And so, you know, he asked me...
11:36 I think originally we were talking about
11:38 possibly writing a completely different song,
11:41 but time was of the essence, so I suggested,
11:45 I think it was me that suggested,
11:47 "Why don't we just rewrite the lyrics to Candle In The Wind,
11:50 "because it seems appropriate?"
11:52 And so I just sat down and did it in probably half an hour, you know,
11:56 because it wasn't particularly difficult.
11:58 I mean, that's no record for me or anything like that.
12:02 So I've really only ever heard the song maybe a couple of times,
12:06 and as I said to somebody the other day...
12:08 I saw Gangster.
12:10 If you...
12:11 LAUGHTER
12:12 If you put a gun to my head and said,
12:14 "Recite the lyrics to the new Candle In The Wind,"
12:16 I'd be a dead man, cos I don't remember one word of it.
12:19 Well, let's not do that.
12:21 Thank you.
12:22 It was a massive moment, though.
12:24 I mean, it was a huge moment.
12:26 No, it was a huge cultural moment. It was.
12:28 The whole nation was watching, you know,
12:30 the whole world was watching.
12:32 I was actually in a hotel room in New York when I saw it,
12:35 and I was very, very moved by it,
12:37 but I think I was more moved by his performance
12:40 rather than the event itself,
12:42 because, you know, I wasn't terribly familiar with that whole thing.
12:45 And, Bill, you know, you write songs,
12:47 so, lyrically, what do you think makes Bernie so special?
12:51 Well, I mean, this is actually something I'm very interested in.
12:54 Here's the gun.
12:55 All right.
12:56 LAUGHTER
12:57 They're all great, though.
12:59 I mean, things like...
13:00 I mean, I loved, you know, Tiny Dancer, Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road,
13:04 and there's a lyric in Rocket Man, you know,
13:07 "Mars ain't a place to..."
13:08 Is it "Mars ain't a place to raise..."
13:10 "Mars ain't a place to raise the kids."
13:12 "A place to raise the kids." Which is just a brilliant line.
13:14 And it's just a kind of line that, you know...
13:17 There's a big sort of panic now about AI and about chat GBT
13:21 and about the whole idea that the arts is under threat
13:24 from, you know, AI versions of actors, musicians,
13:29 and whether they can actually write songs.
13:31 And things like that, I just don't think AI would come anywhere near,
13:34 because that's sort of...
13:36 It's so kind of random and eccentric and funny and charming and poignant
13:41 that it just doesn't get anywhere near it, you know?
13:43 I certainly agree with you about AI, I think, you know,
13:46 because AI is a completely soulless sort of entity.
13:50 Yeah. I don't think it can create great art.
13:52 I don't think it can. It can copy, but it can't create.
13:55 And that's the thing that we have over AI.
13:57 But you don't want copy, you want originality. Yeah, exactly.
14:00 It's like, I think about the bit in your song where you go,
14:03 "Then again, no." Like, no-one would have gotten the lyric.
14:06 But it's so perfect, it's so moving.
14:08 But that's very much from my personality at the time,
14:11 because I wrote that when I was about 18 years old.
14:13 Isn't that nuts? Yeah.
14:15 And I was a complete virginal novice,
14:19 and so when I was writing that, I was thinking...
14:23 I literally was thinking, "Am I going to say this
14:26 "or am I going to say that?"
14:28 And I was actually putting it down that way.
14:30 And I personally, that's why I think that song is so unique,
14:34 because it's not just an adolescent love song,
14:37 it's a very sort of thought-provoking adolescent love song.
14:41 Yeah. Of course, many songwriters on the show tonight.
14:45 Let's not forget Ashley Walters, So Solid Crew.
14:49 Oh, yeah!
14:51 Represent. I know.
14:53 Cos, like, that sum of So Solid Crew,
14:57 at its height, I mean, how many people were in So Solid Crew?
15:02 There was about, like, 35 of us.
15:05 But you whittled it down, you whittled it down.
15:08 Well, it was a collective. Yeah. It was a collective,
15:10 so we were made up of, like, different groups.
15:12 Did you all write the songs together?
15:14 Well, we all wrote our own lyrics.
15:16 How did you get all those on the record?
15:18 So, um, it was a funny story, actually.
15:21 Like, there were so many of us in the group,
15:23 there was actually 11 members of So Solid Crew.
15:26 And we already had one single out that was doing pretty well,
15:29 but we wanted to get everyone out at once.
15:32 We worked out that radio only allowed three minutes 30 for a song,
15:38 and we divided that by the amount of people in the group,
15:42 and 21.99999 or something like that came up,
15:45 and we was like, "All right, cool, everyone gets 21 seconds."
15:48 And that's how the song was born, really.
15:50 So you all wrote your own 21 seconds?
15:52 Yeah, yeah, we all wrote our own 21 seconds.
15:54 Did anyone cheat, try to go for 24?
15:56 No, there was a few people that were maybe slightly over.
15:59 I mean, it kind of morphed and moulded after that.
16:01 Do you remember your 21 seconds? Of course, yeah.
16:04 If I play a beat, can you give us your 21 seconds?
16:06 Of course you deserve. OK, OK, OK.
16:09 So, here comes the beat, here comes the beat.
16:12 # Struggling, stay strong till I'm fading
16:15 # Be hatred, at least never phasing
16:17 # I run into my enemies, you'll be racing
16:19 # You're chasing, so solid, that I'm mazing
16:21 # The good cheese are bound to be laced in
16:23 # Addicted to this life that we're tasting
16:25 # You blame me for the life you've been wasting
16:27 # You're hating, yeah, there's money to be making
16:29 # Act an MC, you know I'm raking
16:31 # Smoking my cheese like a Jamaican
16:33 # So why you looking at me? You start taking
16:35 # Create it... # Whoa!
16:38 Just under. Just under 21 seconds. Very good.
16:43 That's someone counting in a background.
16:45 Brilliant. No, I'm embarrassing that one.
16:48 No! It was so good! It was so good!
16:51 You remember your words.
16:53 I couldn't do that, cos I don't remember anything.
16:56 Like I said, I think that's so gangster.
16:58 That's extraordinary. You're walking around with all these hits
17:01 and you don't even remember them. Yeah. It's crazy.
17:03 But it is weird that you never have to perform them.
17:06 You just walk away. Lucky, aren't I? Yes!
17:09 And, Bernie, now that Elton is slowing down,
17:14 are you going to be like a gun for hire?
17:16 Cos you have had hits with other people, haven't you?
17:19 Oh, absolutely. I mean, not a great deal of people,
17:23 cos I don't particularly enjoy doing that,
17:25 but if it's somebody I really respect or if it just happens...
17:29 ..I will... I'll do it.
17:33 But, yes, I've had hits with other people.
17:35 Like, "We built this city." Yeah, "We built this city."
17:37 I didn't know that was you. Yeah.
17:39 Which I'm quite proud of,
17:41 because it's been often voted as the worst song of all time.
17:46 Which... I think they're bringing it up now.
17:49 I believe... I think GQ magazine...
17:52 What do they know? ..said it was the worst song ever.
17:54 But there was a magazine in America called Blender,
17:57 a rock and roll magazine, that said,
17:59 "Yes, it was absolutely the worst song ever made."
18:02 And I'm very proud of the fact that the song still exists
18:05 and Blender no longer does.
18:07 LAUGHTER
18:09 Well, it's a terrific memoir.
18:11 Scattershot is the name. Thanks for sharing it with us.
18:15 Bernie Jorban, everybody! Thank you.
18:17 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:19 Now, Catherine Tate is returning to the West End
18:26 in The Enfield Haunting.
18:28 It starts off at the Brighton Theatre Royal
18:30 and then Richmond Theatre, but then it comes into
18:32 the Ambassador Theatre in London's glittering West End
18:35 from 30th November to 2nd March 2024, all the way through.
18:39 Some people will be familiar with The Enfield Haunting.
18:41 People that aren't, it is a true story.
18:43 It is a true story. It's based on real events that happened,
18:47 I believe, in the '70s,
18:49 when a family in Enfield, on a housing estate in Enfield...
18:57 ..were convinced or had the experience of believing
19:04 that their youngest daughter was...
19:08 ..had been taken over by a poltergeist.
19:12 And I think at the time, I think it was like 1976 or 1977,
19:15 cos I've seen research of it, it gripped the nation.
19:19 And it was in the newspapers, because, of course,
19:22 it was a time when everyone got their information
19:25 from newspapers or the news.
19:27 The BBC did a big documentary about it.
19:29 And I think over the course of the few years,
19:31 while it was bubbling up, it kind of split the nation.
19:34 And people thought...
19:36 Some people thought they were just getting people at it,
19:38 and of course it's not true.
19:40 And other people were like, "Oh, my God, what's going on?"
19:43 You play the mother, but the haunting happened to the...
19:46 To the child.
19:47 ..child. A bit like the English version of Amityville Horror, isn't it?
19:50 Right, well, it was the same... Wasn't it the same...?
19:53 Because in America... I know they had to bring over
19:55 Americans' kind of supernatural investigators,
19:58 because I don't think there was too much of it here.
20:00 But who does David Telford play?
20:02 No, he does. He plays the kind of...the English...
20:05 I guess, branch.
20:07 LAUGHTER
20:09 The poltergeist branch. The poltergeist branch.
20:11 Of the police. Come on. Come on, you fucking fool.
20:14 LAUGHTER
20:16 I'm interviewing the poltergeist.
20:18 The interview is from 3/22...
20:20 Where were you, Mr Goat?
20:22 Oh, you were in the spirit world, were you? Oh, yeah.
20:25 But so, what was the outcome? What was the outcome?
20:28 Well, the outcome, to be honest, was their lives were ruined,
20:32 I believe. Really?
20:34 You know, because they were pushed onto the stage...
20:37 Sorry, onto the public stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:40 And had all this negative publicity about them,
20:44 saying, you know, "You're just doing this for the money."
20:47 Charlatans. Charlatans. But as they said,
20:50 "We got nothing out of it, it just ruined our lives."
20:53 Yeah. And it's interesting, because of your success in comedy,
20:56 people kind of think, "Oh, she's trying serious acting."
20:59 But actually, this is how you started.
21:01 You are a trained actor. Oh, classical. Classical, darling.
21:04 LAUGHTER Classical. Yes, I did.
21:06 I started... Like, even from before I even went to drama school,
21:09 I was in youth theatre. Oh, yes. I was in national youth theatre.
21:13 Oh, with Daniel Craig. With Daniel Craig. Oh, yeah. Whatever happened.
21:16 He was... I know. LAUGHTER
21:18 I remember he was always the lead, and I...
21:22 The greatest height I ever got in national youth theatre,
21:27 my character was called Girl 2.
21:30 LAUGHTER
21:32 But you were so good. Oh, my God, I was so much better than Girl 1.
21:36 LAUGHTER
21:37 Ashley, you got into theatre really young,
21:40 but am I right, it was kind of a guilty secret?
21:43 Yeah, kind of, yeah.
21:45 I mean, I grew up in Peckham, you didn't really go around
21:48 talking about doing ballet and tap and stuff like that back then.
21:52 But what I was going to say is, we did a reading together.
21:55 Do you remember? Yes, I do. I was waiting to see if you...
21:58 Was it the Royal... Was it the Royal Court? Yeah, it was.
22:01 It was, like, next door to the Royal Court,
22:03 reading some restaurant... Were you boy 2?
22:05 LAUGHTER
22:07 I was boy D.
22:09 But, yeah, yeah, I did... I did start pretty young.
22:13 Yeah. And you managed to keep it a secret from your friends for a while.
22:17 Yeah, but not for long.
22:20 LAUGHTER
22:21 Well, I did... There was two incidents.
22:23 I had one where my face...
22:25 I was in Oliver at the London Palladium, right?
22:27 Sam Mendes directed. Yeah.
22:29 Jonathan Pryce was playing Fagin, like, way back then.
22:32 And they put my face on, like, the front of the Palladium,
22:36 you know, in those little glass cabinet things that advertisers show.
22:39 I'm not surprised. We've got that picture.
22:41 It is... I prepared to go, "Oh, check this out."
22:45 There's... There's a little activity.
22:48 So, they see your picture.
22:50 Yeah, so, like, some of the friends from school at lunchtime
22:52 went to West End and they saw the picture, came back, told everyone.
22:55 But the worst one for me was being in Soul Solid.
22:58 We were doing, like, a live lounge set, Radio 1, right?
23:01 And we're all in the green room. There's a TV there, and it's on,
23:04 just playing in the background, everyone's eating and talking.
23:07 And then my episode of the young Indiana Jones
23:10 pops up on the TV, so there's me,
23:13 riding a camel in the African desert, right?
23:16 And one of the boys was just like, "Hmm..."
23:20 "Gosh, is that you?"
23:22 And I was kind of, like, folded,
23:24 but that's kind of when everyone realised I was doing acting as well.
23:28 Well, it's worked out quite well. Yeah.
23:30 And, Bill, with you, we always think that kind of music
23:33 is an add-on to your comedy career. Yeah.
23:35 But you started off as a pianist.
23:37 Yeah, very much. I mean, I was trained as a classical pianist.
23:40 And my sort of early jobs were playing piano. Yeah.
23:44 And I actually got a job playing piano in bars and hotels.
23:49 That was kind of like a regular bit of work.
23:52 And, in fact, I was in the Basingstoke Hilton.
23:55 I mean, it...
23:57 LAUGHTER Rock and roll, right?
23:59 I mean, we're talking proper rock and roll. Yeah.
24:02 And on the piano, the piano, let me tell you,
24:04 the piano was built into the bar.
24:06 So the bar went round the piano.
24:09 I love that. I love it. I know, right? Yeah.
24:12 Yeah. Seems like the music's secondary to the whole bar operation here.
24:16 But, anyway, it was a padded bar. People could lean on it.
24:20 And it was mainly junk photocopies, salesmen from Andover,
24:23 but mainly...
24:25 ..they had a little pad of, like, a Post-it note on the top,
24:29 and it was a pre-printed sign.
24:31 And it was for people in the bar, and it said,
24:34 "Dear pianist, please play."
24:36 And then they could write something on it,
24:38 and then the waiter would bring it over.
24:40 And, of course, it was like, "Somewhere else. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
24:43 And, uh...
24:44 LAUGHTER
24:47 "With yourself. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
24:50 So...
24:52 But one of the biggest requests was Song For Guy.
24:56 Oh!
24:58 That was one of the biggest requests.
25:00 Thank you very much for that. That was an instrumental.
25:03 I know. I know, exactly. I know. Sorry about that.
25:07 But, no, there was a lot of that. It was like a load of your songs.
25:11 People would come over, they would, like, you know...
25:13 I got to learn the whole canon of popular music through that gig.
25:17 Did you sing when you were the piano man?
25:19 No, I didn't. I just played, yeah.
25:21 I was going to say, that would be a burn, wouldn't it, if the...
25:24 Yeah. Yeah, exactly, yeah. No lyrics, no singing.
25:27 Did you have to sing piano man a lot?
25:29 Piano man? No, I didn't. I just did... You didn't sing?
25:31 I just did instrumentals.
25:33 And, yeah, it was a tough gig, I tell you. I can imagine.
25:37 Basically, I got to stay in the hotel,
25:39 I worked my way through the bar and the menu,
25:42 and, er, Potato Of The Day, I remember that.
25:45 Oh!
25:47 Potato Of The Day!
25:50 LAUGHTER
25:52 Simpler times. Simpler times.
25:54 Oh, lovely. Oh, the good life.
25:56 I must quickly mention, Catherine, earlier this year,
25:58 you probably had the biggest audience of your life
26:01 when you appeared at Eurovision, doing the UK jury vote.
26:05 Yes. There you are, looking so happy.
26:07 LAUGHTER
26:09 Quite the balcony shot.
26:11 I know, I know.
26:13 My daughter said to me that after that,
26:15 cos I'm not on social media, and apparently,
26:17 what was trending on social media after that was,
26:20 "Are her boobs real?"
26:22 LAUGHTER
26:24 And they are!
26:26 I didn't realise they still had the Eurovision song contest.
26:30 Oh, Bernie!
26:32 What?! Bernie!
26:34 I won this year!
26:36 And I was her backing singer!
26:39 Let me just remind you, Catherine's new play
26:44 is The Enfield Haunting, and it is coming to theatres very soon.
26:47 Catherine Tate, everybody!
26:49 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:52 Hi.
26:53 All right. Ashley Walters is back with the hottest show on Netflix,
27:02 Top Boy. It's the final chapter.
27:05 It's streaming on Netflix now, and so this is the fifth,
27:09 and it is the final season.
27:11 It's over.
27:13 OK. Yes. All right.
27:15 So, it's all out there now, but if you haven't checked out
27:17 the final season, where do we find you
27:19 at the beginning of this season?
27:21 Same place you find me and Sully every season -
27:24 looking for the food.
27:26 Yeah, no, pretty much, you know, we start, um...
27:29 ..kind of with DeShane having desires to get out of the game.
27:33 I think that's what he's been doing the last three seasons,
27:36 really, is working out how he's going to get out unscathed.
27:39 And we start the top of this scene with kind of a flashback to...
27:43 Well, we actually start at the last...
27:46 ..just after the last scene of the previous season.
27:49 Season four, yeah.
27:51 I don't... It's so hard to talk about it,
27:53 because I don't know what people have watched
27:55 and what they haven't watched.
27:57 But anyway, we start there. People will kill me if I spoil it.
28:00 So, we kind of start there, and I think the journey for DeShane
28:04 is trying to get out, and the journey for Sully
28:07 is trying to take over.
28:09 All right. We've got a clip. This is you as DeShane,
28:12 and this is you looking for an escape from the Summerhouse estate.
28:17 - Yo. - I want 20 keys.
28:41 Bro, bro, that's way too much, man.
28:44 - Well, in that case, good luck. - Bro, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
28:48 Wait, man.
28:50 All right.
28:52 20K.
28:54 All right. I'll send you a couple of guys.
28:57 Whoever you're going to send, they better be on smoke right now,
29:00 I'm telling you, cos I've got fucking OTs everywhere.
29:03 It feds on me, you know that.
29:05 - They'll get you out. - How long, man?
29:08 One hour.
29:10 OK. Fuck.
29:12 APPLAUSE
29:14 I mean, even in that little clip,
29:22 you can see kind of the Netflix glow-up,
29:24 like the big crowd scenes, the crane shots and everything.
29:27 And also, what I love about it is cos,
29:29 presumably when you were making it, it felt so specific.
29:32 I mean, not even just to this country, but even, like, a part of London.
29:36 And now, to find that it's so globally loved,
29:40 I mean, it's top of the Netflix charts in, like, 55 countries or something.
29:44 Yeah, it is, yeah. It's done so well, like, around the world.
29:47 And, you know, we're especially pleased with this progress
29:50 in places like the US, because, as you know,
29:53 as UK-based actors or musicians,
29:56 we've always kind of imported what they do,
29:59 do you know what I mean, and followed that.
30:02 But now you see our music kind of going around the world a bit more.
30:06 Yeah. And, you know, our TV shows and films as well.
30:09 So I have huge respect for kind of what the show's done,
30:13 just by opening a door.
30:15 You know, I think particularly for TV and film,
30:17 to get into that market from the UK is really hard.
30:20 Yeah. Because, as Bertie said, music has done it.
30:22 I mean, was that always your dream, to break America?
30:25 Oh, absolutely. I think none of my contemporaries
30:29 or our contemporaries would disagree.
30:31 I mean, America is the golden goose, definitely.
30:34 But it's a lot of work, and if you're going to do it,
30:38 you have to dedicate yourself to doing it.
30:41 It's not like touring anywhere else.
30:43 I mean, one of the misconceptions is that when Elton and I
30:47 went over there, like, in 1970 and played at the Troubadour
30:51 in Los Angeles, again, urban myth would tell you
30:55 that that's where we took off.
30:57 That it was an overnight thing, yeah.
30:59 It was an overnight thing, and it was a wonderful experience,
31:03 and we got incredible reviews, and it certainly was a launching pad,
31:07 and that's definitely what it was, was a launching pad.
31:10 But then we had to...
31:12 I mean, from then, you know, everybody thought we were huge stars.
31:16 We came back, back to the bunk beds in Northwood Hills.
31:19 No! Absolutely.
31:21 Weirdly, Catherine has a connection to that night.
31:23 Yeah. My husband is from Los Angeles,
31:26 and his parents were at the first gig at the Troubadour,
31:30 cos they don't live very far, and they saw it
31:34 and have been lifelong Elton John fans ever since.
31:37 Oh, that's great. I'm glad that they were there,
31:40 because if I had a dollar for everybody that said that they were there...
31:47 Oh, no, they absolutely were.
31:49 I know, I'm sure they were, but Elton and I...
31:52 LAUGHTER
31:54 - A dollar. - Elton and I have always said,
31:57 if everybody who claimed that they were there the first night
32:00 was actually there, we could have played Dodger Stadium.
32:04 - Everybody that was there... - We loved it. It was really good.
32:07 Everyone in the entire So Solid crew, they were all there.
32:11 All 597 of them.
32:14 We actually played there a week.
32:16 We actually played a week. It wasn't just one night.
32:18 I didn't go again, I just went the once.
32:21 LAUGHTER
32:23 As the... Obviously, Top Boy is a big success in America,
32:27 but here we had Stephen Graham on the show last week,
32:30 and you're working with him now.
32:32 I am, yeah. I'm directing him at the moment, actually.
32:35 Well, actually, I've finished. I'm in post-production.
32:38 We just shot a really beautiful show for Disney+,
32:43 a period drama written by Stephen Knight, starring Stephen Graham,
32:47 Malachi Kirby, amongst many others.
32:49 But, yeah, I just directed three episodes.
32:51 And is directing something you want to do more of?
32:53 Yeah, it's always been a love for me, and it's always...
32:56 I mean, you can't act forever, you know, so at some point...
32:59 I think you've got a few miles left.
33:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm prepping for my retirement, you know.
33:04 I'm thinking ahead.
33:06 I have eight children, so I need to make sure, you know.
33:09 OK, that's a lot of directing.
33:11 LAUGHTER
33:13 My God, you've bred your own So Solid crew, eh?
33:17 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
33:20 Once again, I set it up.
33:22 I know, I know.
33:24 Listen, good luck with the directing, and, Top Boy,
33:27 the final chapter is streaming now on Netflix.
33:30 Ashley Walters, everybody!
33:32 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:34 Right, we turn to Bill Bailey.
33:41 He's back on tour. It's a big arena tour called Fortifyer.
33:45 It's kicking off in Ireland next February 2024.
33:48 But I should say, we've got lots of viewers in New Zealand,
33:51 and you'll be touring New Zealand this November and December.
33:54 Yep. So it sort of starts there.
33:56 It starts there, yeah. OK.
33:58 It starts in the Antipodes, and then I go around New Zealand, Asia,
34:01 and then back to the UK, and then off round Europe.
34:04 It's quite nice, you get there summer.
34:06 Exactly, yes.
34:08 I thought about Fortifyer. You've thoughtified about this.
34:11 I have thoughtified it, buddy.
34:13 Is Fortifyer, is it a new word?
34:15 It's a word. I've invented a new word, which I like to do for my tours.
34:18 OK. Because it's intriguing.
34:21 I like a conflation of two things.
34:23 Thoughts. There's lots of thoughts, and, you know, the spoken word,
34:26 and the stories and jokes and anecdotes, and there's lots of music,
34:29 so hence the amplifier. So it's thought and amplifier put together.
34:32 So it's a thoughtifier, and I am the thoughtifier.
34:35 I'm the person that comes up with the thoughts and plays the music,
34:38 and also, if you do a Google search, it takes you straight to the page.
34:41 So... Ooh, that's better. Yeah.
34:44 And in terms of your thoughts, I mean, so it starts in November,
34:48 so you must have some of these thoughts already.
34:50 Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's basically a sort of...
34:54 In fact, what we were just talking about,
34:56 about this sort of panic about AI,
34:59 and about the idea that somehow the arts are under threat
35:02 from chat GBT and AI, and this is a kind of a...
35:06 The whole idea of the show is really a sort of a clarion call for humanity.
35:10 It's about the human experience.
35:12 It's about the random nature of us as people
35:15 and the kind of...the eccentric nature of creativity.
35:18 And so they're saying, "Look, that's what AI can't do.
35:22 "It can't copy that. It can only, you know,
35:24 "it can only sort of, like, grab together lots of bits of information
35:27 "and spit them back."
35:29 I mean, I've got to say, chat GBT is getting quite sophisticated.
35:32 I did a trial run of it in a show when I was up in Tewksbury.
35:36 Oh, big comedy town. Yeah.
35:39 Look out, New Zealand. Look out, New Zealand.
35:42 And I said to... You asked chat GBT,
35:44 I've got a live link-up with the chat GBT, and I say,
35:47 "So, chat GBT, tell me about Tewksbury."
35:49 And he goes, "Tewksbury is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
35:51 And it whittles on like, you know, Wikipedia.
35:53 But now it's getting quite sophisticated.
35:56 You can say, "Tell me about Tewksbury in a sarcastic way."
35:59 And it will do it.
36:01 And we go, "Oh, Tewksbury's so great. I love it."
36:05 With the abbey and everything.
36:07 And it's actually really quite scarily convincing.
36:12 So I'm going to be playing with that idea that AI is actually,
36:15 you know, it's starting to become more human.
36:17 Yeah. But there's music in the show too.
36:19 There's lots of music in the show.
36:21 I've got lots of, you know, instruments, I play lots of keyboards.
36:25 There's lots of songs in it, there's lots of new sampling
36:28 and all kinds of things.
36:29 Because you like learning new instruments. Yes.
36:32 So I think you've got a new one with you. I do.
36:34 What is this? I've brought a new one with me, yes.
36:36 It is... Well, I'll bring it out for you.
36:38 It's, um... It's actually a Turkish instrument.
36:43 It's called a saz. Right? OK.
36:46 And it's basically a long-necked lute.
36:50 And it's a beautiful thing.
36:52 SAZ PLAYS
36:55 And it makes a really kind of beautiful eastern sound, you know.
36:58 SAZ PLAYS
37:05 Love it.
37:07 So it's got that kind of feel to it.
37:09 They're off.
37:11 They've started a march, they're leaving the studio.
37:13 What's that?
37:15 We will follow you. Yeah.
37:17 Lead us, Bill. I know.
37:19 But it's got a beautiful sort of tone to it.
37:23 And actually, I was going to play something.
37:26 Because you're here, Bernie, right,
37:28 I thought I'd do a little arrangement of a song, right,
37:32 which you wrote with Elton, right,
37:34 but I don't think you've ever heard it on the Turkish saz before.
37:37 Possibly not.
37:39 LAUGHTER
37:40 It's Candle In The Wind, because we were talking about it earlier on,
37:43 and I just thought it's...
37:45 Do you know what? Even though this is a three-stringed Turkish instrument,
37:49 it does actually... It's quite versatile.
37:51 So something like that sounds quite good.
37:54 SAZ PLAYS
37:57 SAZ CONTINUES
38:00 SAZ CONTINUES
38:03 SAZ CONTINUES
38:06 SAZ CONTINUES
38:09 SAZ CONTINUES
38:12 SAZ CONTINUES
38:41 Oh!
38:42 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:45 Well, there you go. Oh, beautiful!
38:48 It's got a kind of an Eastern feel to it.
38:51 Coming to a theatre near you soon with his usual thought-of-fire,
38:55 Bill Bailey, everyone!
38:57 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:58 Cheers. Thank you for that.
39:00 You're welcome. Thank you.
39:02 OK, time for my final guest.
39:06 This French superstar has conquered Glastonbury and Coachella,
39:10 and now he's back with his new album, Paranoia - Angels' True Love.
39:15 Here performing his latest single, To Be Honest,
39:18 it's Christian and The Queens!
39:20 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:23 # I've been wasting my time
39:26 # Hours of time
39:28 # It's making me feel
39:30 # Like I am not alone anymore
39:34 # To be honest
39:38 # I'm trying to love
39:42 # But I'm afraid to kill
39:44 # And I never know when
39:46 # When to search or stay still
39:48 # So I fly
39:51 # To be honest with you
39:55 # Broken and yet tender
40:00 # Always in a noise
40:03 # I'm heading to the border
40:08 # Drowning in what's taking my life
40:14 # Kind of always cautious
40:17 # Don't you, don't you break my heart
40:22 # Feeling kind of loveless
40:25 # Yet always ready to try
40:32 # I've been through so much
40:34 # Sometimes it feels hard
40:36 # Feels like a movie played by another star
40:40 # She's a stranger
40:42 # To be honest
40:46 # Now I'm sitting alone
40:51 # And I'm trying to listen to the stories that could
40:56 # Make mine a little softer and fine
41:00 # To be honest
41:03 # Broken and yet tender
41:09 # Always in a noise
41:13 # I'm heading to the border
41:18 # Drowning in what's taking my life
41:23 # Kind of always cautious
41:27 # Don't you, don't you break my heart
41:32 # Feeling kind of loveless
41:36 # Yet always ready to try
41:54 # Away, away
41:58 # Away, away
42:06 # Away, away
42:21 # I want to get away
42:24 # From this hate that you spread
42:28 # I want to get away
42:32 # From things burning my head
42:36 # I want to get away
42:40 # From this pain I let set
42:44 # We'll get away
42:51 # Away, away. #
42:56 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:02 Oh, Christine and the Queens, everybody!
43:06 Stunning!
43:08 Many thanks to Red for that stunning performance,
43:16 and the single is off the album Paranoia, Angels And True Love,
43:21 which is out now.
43:22 All right, that is nearly it, but before we go,
43:24 just time for a quick visit to the big red chair.
43:27 Who's there?
43:28 - Hello. - Hello.
43:29 Oh, you are gripping on like dear life.
43:31 You're OK. You're fine, you're fine.
43:33 It's not as bad as it looks. What's your name?
43:36 - My name's Sue. - Sue, lovely. And where do you live, Sue?
43:39 - I live in Coventry. - In Coventry, OK.
43:41 - And what do you do in Coventry, Sue? - I'm an accountant.
43:44 OK, we'll draw a veil, we'll say no more.
43:47 Sue is an accountant in Coventry.
43:49 Off you go with your story.
43:53 One night I went out and drank rather a lot of barley wine
43:56 and got very drunk, and I was staying at a boyfriend's parents' house,
44:00 and I lay in bed thinking, "I need to be sick, I need to be sick."
44:04 So I ran to the bathroom, opened the bathroom door
44:07 and projected I vomited all over his mum,
44:10 who was sitting on the toilet.
44:13 - Is that the end of your story? - That's it.
44:16 I mean, if you had a chat TBT red chair story, that would be it.
44:29 That would be it, yeah.
44:31 I got drunk on... Actually, the barley wine is a detail
44:34 that only a human could come up with.
44:36 No AI would ever think of something so hateful.
44:39 "I got drunk on barley wine."
44:41 Let's have another one, please. Hello.
44:43 - Hello. - Hi, everyone looks a bit nervous tonight.
44:46 - What's your name? - I'm Claire.
44:48 Claire, lovely Claire. What do you do?
44:50 - I'm a housing officer. - OK, where do you do that?
44:52 In Coventry.
44:54 - Do you know an accountant in Coventry? - I do.
45:00 OK, so you're friends. OK.
45:02 Lovely. Is your story similar?
45:08 - No. - No drink involved, I'm sure.
45:10 - I'll give you the whole of the story. - No drink, no drink.
45:12 Took my sons on holiday abroad and we made lots of friends
45:16 on the complex and we all decided to go to a water park.
45:19 After going down a few slides, I thought I'm going to take
45:22 the challenge and go down the kamikaze.
45:24 One of the holidaymakers went down before me.
45:27 When it was safe to go, I decided I would follow.
45:30 Unfortunately, when I hit the water, my bikini bottoms flew off.
45:35 I landed on the person's before me head.
45:39 He was submerged under water.
45:42 I was trying to get my bikini bottoms.
45:45 Flapping everywhere.
45:47 I finally retrieved my bottoms and walked away at pace.
45:53 You can walk, you can walk. I beg you.
45:56 If you ever bring your show back, she's going to be on it.
46:03 Because I walked away.
46:05 Do we have another one? Yeah, why not? Fuck it.
46:10 - Hello. - Hi.
46:14 - Are you from Coventry? - I am from Coventry, yes.
46:17 - Are you the bus driver? - The coach driver.
46:22 Wait a minute, your mum was in the bathroom.
46:25 - What's your name? - My name's Sally.
46:29 - Sally, and what do you do? - I'm a retiree. Retired.
46:32 - No, no. - Yes, I am.
46:34 - So young, so young. - I earned retirement.
46:36 - What did you do? - Oh, I worked in housing.
46:39 - You worked in housing? - Yeah, housing.
46:43 - Really boring, yeah, housing. - What do you mean?
46:45 - Lots of other things. - Curtains. We don't know.
46:47 - We don't know. - OK, off you go with your story.
46:49 OK, so one day when I was working in housing,
46:52 I was in the housing office and my manager called me in to his office.
46:56 So I walked in, he said, "Sally, I think you'd best turn round."
47:00 And I went, "But why?" He said, "Sally, please, you just need to turn round."
47:04 So then he diverted his eyes to my lower region
47:07 and then I looked down and I realised in those days,
47:10 it was a few years ago now, when lady shave wasn't really popular,
47:14 and the print buttons of my skirt had come undone,
47:16 so when I looked down, all I could see was my little lady garden.
47:20 - Oh, oh, oh! - No!
47:22 - Oh, no! - Oh, no.
47:24 What is going on in Carpentry?!
47:27 No, Sally, no!
47:29 No-one keep their pants on!
47:31 I love it. It was in the days before lady shave.
47:36 Like it was like the Triffids coming out of...
47:40 Before lady shave caught on.
47:42 That really is all we've got time for.
47:47 If you'd like to have a go at that, let's show yourself and tell your story.
47:50 You can get down to us via our website at this very address.
47:53 Please say a huge thank you to all of my guests tonight.
47:56 Christian in the Greens!
47:58 Bill Bailey!
48:02 Ashley Walters!
48:05 Catherine Tate!
48:08 And Bernie Taupin!
48:11 Join me next week with pop legend Sugar Babes,
48:16 top comedian London News, national treasure Dawn French,
48:19 and the triple Oscar-nominated star of Ozark, Laura Linney.
48:23 I'll see you then. Good night, everybody. Bye-bye!
48:25 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
48:27 # THEME MUSIC
48:30 And Graham is hightailing it to BBC4 now
48:33 to introduce Elton John, uncensored.
48:35 Here on One, it's shaping up to be a flawless Friday night.
48:38 RuPaul's Drag Race UK is next.
48:41 is next.